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Title: I Love You, Goodbye Summary: When Mulder is returned, Scully is overjoyed. However when she realizes that everything is not as it seems, her future with Mulder looks grim. Author's Notes: Thank you to my mom, who is a wonderful doctor and my scientific advisor on everything. I already suspected all that medical stuff, but I had to clarify. And, just so everybody knows, the limbic system is a group of organs in the middle of the brain between the two hemispheres. It helps with memory making and emotional responses. The hippocampus is the organ in the limbic system which receives new memories and holds them until they can be transported to the cortex for "long-term storage." J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building When Agent John Doggett heard Dana Scully's footsteps in the hallway outside his door, he sighed heavily for the fifth time that morning. The night before, Doggett had dreamed, very vividly, that Mulder would be back that day. He hoped it was only a dream, for Scully's sake. When she finally burst into the office, her face was a mask, but her eyes sparkled hopefully. "Agent Doggett," she said, her voice betraying some of her excitement. "Yes?" he asked, hoping it wasn't true. "They just found Agent Mulder." Georgetown Memorial Hospital "He just showed up in the hospital Miss Scully," said the ICU doctor. "He doesn't show signs of physical trauma, but he seems distant and distracted. You may like to speak with him yourself, so that you will understand what I mean." Scully nodded, trying to keep the impending tears from her eyes. Damn pregnancy she thought. Her hormone levels were all screwed up; her doctors said it might have something to do with the fact that she had been effectively barren before.....well, before CSM took her. She walked into his room to find him sitting on his bed, staring into space. "Mulder?" she whispered, her voice cracking. "Scully!" When Fox Mulder saw his partner for the first time in months, he swore to himself that he had never seen anything so beautiful. He jumped up from his bed and wrapped his arms around her. Her body shook with sobs, and he held her tightly. "Scully, oh God Scully.," he whispered into her hair, dropping butterfly kisses all over her face and neck. "Mulder..." she whispered through her tears. Oh thank God, she thought. At least he recognizes me. "Oh my God." They stood like that for a few moments, and then Mulder pulled away and held her at arms length. He saw a change in her face. Her normally rather round face seemed to have gotten larger, but he attributed it to her tears and ignored it for the moment. "I um...Scully, I don't remember any of it. I can't... I just can't remember anything past the forest in Oregon." Scully saw the pain in his eyes. "It's alright Mulder, it's okay." She hugged him again, briefly, and then said, "I have to sit down." She walked over to a chair and plopped down in it, sighing with relief as the tension on her ankles subsided. Her blood pressure was way up, and her ankles frequently swelled. Thankfully, Mulder hadn't noticed yet. Mulder looked at her and decided that she definitely had gained weight. Her face was rounder, and she just seemed...softer. Maybe she was... "Agent Mulder," Doggett said as he walked into the room. He extended a hand, and Mulder took it warily. "Oh, Mulder this is.," Scully started. "Agent John Doggett," Doggett finished. "I was assigned to the X-Files right after you disappeared. It's good to see you looking healthy." Scully noticed that Mulder had started to tune Doggett out. He seemed more distant now, as the doctor had said. "Agent Doggett, could we be alone for a moment?" she said, indicating Mulder as the other half of 'we.' She had decided that Mulder's distance was probably due to the fact that his partner had gained at least ten pounds since the last time he had seen her. Doggett noticed that it seemed very important to Scully that he leave, so he did so without asking questions. When they were alone again, Scully stood up again, and walked over to Mulder. "Mulder I need to talk to you about something that's becoming harder and harder for me to ignore," she started. "I um...well, right after you disappeared, I was hospitalized when I fainted during one of those dizzy spells I had been having." Mulder's face took on a look of extreme concern. "Was it serious?" he asked, hoping that she wasn't about to tell him that her cancer had relapsed. But weight gain wasn't consistent with the progression of cancer, was it? Other illnesses that cause dizzy spells... he thought. "Well, yes and no," Scully said. It was becoming harder and harder by the minute to tell him the news. "What do you mean Scully?" She lowered her eyes momentarily, gathering her strength."I'm pregnant." Mulder's mouth dropped open in shock. "Say that again?" he squeaked. She looked back up at him, eyes full of tears. "I'm pregnant," she said, louder. Mulder backed up and fumbled onto his bed. "How...?" She laughed mirthlessly, her eyes dark. "The good old fashioned way, Mulder." She knew that wasn't what he meant, but it seemed to answer the question of paternity. Mulder's eyes met hers. "Mine?" "Yours." Dana Scully's Apartment Scully sat on her couch, going over Mulder's medical records. The facts that Doggett had brought to light at the beginning of the search for Mulder glared up at her, daring her to ignore them. She tried desperately, but in the end, all she could do was cry. Mulder would die, likely before their daughter was born. Last week her OBGYN had told her the sex of the baby. She was going to have a baby girl. But would her daughter's father be there for her? For her prom? For her first birthday even? Scully put her head in her hands as deep, wracking sobs shook her body. In her bedroom, she could hear Mulder's quiet breathing, and it made her want to die with him. She wouldn't accept his fate until the moment of its realization, she decided. Pulling herself up from the couch, Scully lumbered slowly into the bedroom. Mulder's little snores comforted her; he wasn't dead yet, and, knowing him, he would go out fighting. She smiled, and curled up in a ball against his front. His arms came around her automatically--one hand on her swelling belly, one under her face--and she fell into the rhythm of his heartbeat. Almost immediately, she fell asleep. Mulder was awakened the next morning by an annoying alarm clock, which rang out at six-thirty. Scully was still sleeping peacefully in his arms, and he quickly reached over with his freer hand and swatted the clock until it turned off. His hand returned to her belly, and he sighed happily as he felt their daughter move against him. His eyes closed lazily, but his happiness was short lived. A splitting headache interrupted his relaxation, and the pain was so intense that he gasped. Scully was awake in an instant. "Mulder what's wrong?" she asked, scared for his safety. "My head..." he gasped out. "Oh my God, Scully..." She looked at his eyes, but they were glazed with pain. "Mulder I'm gonna call an ambulance. Your temporal lobe may be flaring up." He tried to protest, but he couldn't form words right. He gave in to the pain, and let it carry him away. Georgetown Memorial Hospital Fox Mulder watched as Dana Scully held her head in her hands as she paced back and forth down the hallway next to Mulder's room. He had been admitted to the ER in critical condition after a PET scan indicated that the temporal lobe area was in fact showing more electrical energy than when he had first been diagnosed with the rare condition. Scully knew it didn't look good. They were attempting to lower the electrical charge in the brain by injecting him with high doses of phenatoin. He responded to the treatment, but he could still hear the voices. The only voice he could hear above the rest was Scully's. Her thoughts came easily to him; she was thinking about him, about his "condition," about a treatment. Many of the words he heard were complicated medical terms that he would normally ask her to explain. He was content just to hear the murmur of her thoughts inside his head, but one day he heard something that knocked the fight back into him. He was listening in on her latest treatment plan for him when he saw Doggett walk into the room. He couldn't read Doggett's mind very well; the man was rather difficult to read as it was. But what he said to Scully obviously upset her. Her thoughts became a jumbled, angry mess. All he could hear was "I can't.." and "I won't...up on..." He filled in the blanks with "do that" and "give ...Mulder." He hoped he was right. As he tried to disassemble her thoughts, they suddenly stopped. She kept repeating one phrase inside her head; "What will we do without you?" You'll have me Scully, he promised. He felt something like Rose on Titanic; he knew he'd never let go of that promise. Scully tried to comprehend what Doggett had just told her. "Agent Mulder's doctor says that he will not be able to continue phenatoin treatments without killing him." Her face clouded over, and she was silent for a moment. Then she exploded with anger. She screamed "I won't give up on him! Do you hear me?" Everyone in the room and down the hallway had turned and stared at her, but she didn't care. "Agent Doggett I know that you never really had any respect for Agent Mulder, but you never knew him like I did. And God dammit Doggett he has to get through this! He will!!! Are you listening to me?!!! All of you listen to me!! Agent Mulder will live, if I have to kill every last one of you to achieve that goal!! Got it?" She was still trying to digest what Doggett had told her. She knew that he couldn't take any more phenatoin, but she didn't know what else to do. She put her head in her hands as her their daughter kicked at her womb. "Shhhhhh, it's alright sweetheart, it's okay Samantha..." Oh my God, she thought. I just named her. Tears came to her eyes; tears of both joy and despair. Skinner came over to her just as the first escaped down her cheek. "Agent Scully?" he began. "Agent Scully?" She hadn't heard him the first time because of the mantra she was repeating in her head; What will we do without him? What will we do without him? Skinner became concerned when Scully didn't respond to him. "Agent," he said, touching her shoulder. "Huh!" she started. The tears were streaming furiously down her face, and she made a desperate attempt to wipe them away. "Sir, I'm sorry...What is it?" "Are you alright Agent Scully?" he asked, concern making deep lines on his forehead and around his mouth. "Yes sir," she confirmed, although she wasn't sure if she was at all. "Agent Scully, everyone here thinks you should go home and get some rest," Skinner started. "Sir," Scully interrupted. "Sir, I'm not going home. My place is here." She turned on her heel and returned to her chair by Mulder's bedside. Taking his limp hand in hers, she tried, for the fourth time in the last hour, to squeeze the life back into him. Tears were becoming a constant, but she got no satisfaction from crying; only a sickening sense that she was giving up. When Mulder heard Scully name their daughter Samantha, he wanted to laugh, cry, and take her into his arms and kiss her hard. He knew that Samantha had become Scully's sister as well, maybe like a daughter to her even because they were so much alike. Sam had always been an inquisitive girl; even the night she was taken she had shown her tendency towards science. She refused to watch the magic show that he had wanted so desperately to see because she believed that it was all bogus. When she had first heard the story of Santa Claus, she took one look at Mom and said, "Mommy, that's impossible." She was only three years old! Scully looked at Mulder's face and thought she saw him smile slightly. "Mulder?" she whispered, touching his face. "Mulder?" He didn't move, but she was sure that she hadn't imagined the momentary upward twitch turn of his lip. Her resolve not to give up strengthened. As Scully squeezed her partner's hand again, the door to the room burst open, admitting Alex Krycek. "Hello everybody," he said as he clicked off the safety on his 9 mm. "Looks like I'm late for the party." Scully wheeled around and stared him in the eye. "What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed, eyes blazing. "Ooohhh, I'm intimidated," Krycek said mockingly. He pointed the gun at Scully's head. "Not so confident now, are we Agent Scully." Krycek walked casually over to Scully, gun leading. "I hope you were enjoying lover-boy's company, 'cause that's all going straight to hell." He turned the gun to Mulder's head, and said, "Don't even think about pulling your weapon Scully; I'm not in a merciful mood." "Put it down Krycek!" Skinner yelled from the doorway. He pointed his gun at Krycek, who immediately moved to kill Mulder. A gun went off; Scully couldn't tell which. Suddenly, Krycek fell back against her, his limp body weighing down on her and his traitor's blood staining her white blouse.. "Jesus Christ," she whispered. The medical staff sprung into action, lifting Krycek's limp body onto a gurney to take him to the OR. One of the nurses got on the phone and warned the on call ER doc that he had a man coming in with extreme trauma and an operation in his near future. Scully ran with the gurney as it was transported down the hall. She was pregnant, but in great shape due to her obsessive compulsive running. She felt wrong if she didn't run every day, so she ran three miles daily. When they arrived in the OR, the on call doctor had assembled a surgical team, who immediately put Krycek under and began working to stabilize his vitals and extricate the bullet from his side. As she watched, Scully tried to decide whether she wanted him to live so that she could beat the hell out of him, or if she wanted him to die so that she didn't have to. Why was he here in the first place? she suddenly thought. The surgical team had stripped him of his clothes before they began operating, and a nurse had taken them to a room not far from there. Scully left the operating room, hurriedly washing her hands on the way out. She rushed down to the room where Krycek's clothes had been deposited, and frantically searched all of his pockets. In one she found a small syringe and a vial of clear fluid. Wrapped around it was a small piece of paper with unfamiliar writing on it. "4 mg into the left temple." She looked disbelievingly at the vial for several seconds, then rushed back to Mulder's room. Somewhere in the forests of Virginia Marita Covarrubius sat at her desk, typing up a journal entry. "March 28, 2001. Today I saved Agent Mulder's life." She stopped and reread the brief sentence she had wrote, then deleted it and started again. "March 28, 2001. Today I put Agent Mulder's life in the hands of the most untrustworthy man in the world." Once again she reread her statement, and decided it fit much better with what she was trying to say. She continued her entry. "I put Alex Krycek in charge of saving Agent Mulder's life by delivering a 'cure' for his mysterious illness to Agent Scully. I must say I feel sorry for Agent Scully. She carries his child inside of her, and there will be nothing unnatural done to terminate the pregnancy. On the contrary, measures have already been taken to speed it up. The child is all-important to the Project; without her it will go up in flames. Lighter fluid has already been poured over the Project; the death of CGB Spender has proven the potential catalyst. The death of Agent Mulder will be more than enough to expose our work and everything that we have tried to create, effectively burning it to the ground. I hope Krycek doesn't try anything funny." Georgetown Memorial Hospital Dana Scully rushed into Mulder's room, clutching the precious vial to her chest. Skinner rushed over to her. "Agent Scully where have you been?" he asked, a sense of urgency she couldn't deny in his voice. "I was checking in on Krycek. It doesn't look like he'll make it out of the woods." She showed him the antidote. "I found this in Krycek's coat pocket. I believe that it can save Mulder's life." Skinner looked down at the floor. "Agent Scully," he whispered. "Agent Scully, he's slipped into a coma. They don't think he'll wake up. He may have only hours left to live." Inside her head, Scully started to scream loud and long. All she could manage to choke out was, "He's not going to die." Skinner watched her as she turned and walked back to Mulder's side. He saw her take his hand and stroke it tenderly, whispering to him. He couldn't look at them like this, and he turned away. Scully took Mulder's hand and ran her thumb gently across the back of it. "Mulder, I found something in Krycek's coat pocket that might save your life," she whispered, one perfect tear sliding down her cheek and landing on his hand. She knew he couldn't hear her, he was in a coma for God's sake, but she had to tell him anyway. "I'm trying to save your life, okay?" She took out the syringe, sobs shaking her body. She filled it to exactly 4 ccs, and drew a deep breath. Before she injected it into him, she leaned down and whispered into his ear, "I love you Mulder." Another tear drop landed on his cheek, and she lovingly brushed it away. Then, inhaling sharply, she injected the liquid into his left temple as instructed. Almost instantly, his eyes fluttered open. "Scully?" he whispered through cracked lips. "Mulder!" she sobbed, leaning down and holding him tight. "Oh God." She stood up and pressed a kiss against his dry lips, some of her Vaseline rubbing off on him. "That's better," he mumbled, smiling faintly. He tried to sit up, but Scully laid a hand on his shoulder to push him back down. "Mulder you're sick. Get some rest okay?" He smiled faintly. "Yes Dr. Scully," he quipped. Her half smile lightened his heart, and he smiled back. "Looks like I'm laid up for days, huh." "Yep. Days Mulder. Days." A Few Hours Later "Mulder?" Scully cooed softly. His eyes slowly opened. "Scully?" "Mmmm." "How am I doing?" Mulder sat up in bed. By now Scully had given up on making him lie down; deciding that it really wasn't worth the effort. "Your vitals are all okay. I checked with your doctors; they're going to run a PET scan today to make sure that your temporal lobe activity is normal." Scully sighed and sat down. Mulder took her hand. "How are you doing?" he asked quietly. Scully looked down at the floor. "I have an appointment with my OB-GYN later today. I feel fine; a little sick, perhaps, but nothing serious or unexpected." She looked back up at him. "I um...I named her." Mulder nodded, as his eyes filled with tears. "I know." Scully was shocked. "How?" she asked, unbelieving. Kritschgau had said that he could read minds, but she hadn't believed him. Now, his statement came as a shock. "When I started getting headaches; when this first started, I would hear voices in my head. I thought I was crazy, but I was able to read thoughts." Mulder looked over at Scully's incredulous expression and pleaded, "Don't dismiss the facts Scully; I didn't believe it any more than you do. But how would I know that you named our daughter Samantha?" Scully gasped. "Oh my God," she whispered. The tears that she was now constantly on the verge of spilled out yet again, but this time, Mulder could take her into his arms. How she loved him. It was overwhelming, this feeling. Her stomach fluttered; butterflies lending her their grace. Samantha kicked happily, and Scully was almost sure she'd heard a little gurgle. She smiled despite her tears, feeling Mulder's strong hand on her stomach and Samantha kicking her daddy. Mulder chuckled. "I never realized how much life was worth," he said over Scully's shoulder. "I always felt it was expendable; not worth much in the grand scheme of things. There was the Truth, that was my life. I had no real appreciation for everything that I saw around me. Did you know, Scully, that I never stopped to smell a flower as a kid? Samantha....Samantha used to smell all kinds of flowers." He began to cry on her shoulder. She could feel his salty tears through her white maternity blouse and she tightened her hold on him; mothered him. Sam kicked against her again, and she shushed her daughter and her lover alike. "Shhhhh, it's alright Mulder. You're not gone yet," Scully assured him. "Hush...shhh," she cooed. "Scully," he whispered, pulling back and looking into her eyes. They were an amazingly bright shade of green; Mulder noticed that her normally blue eyes turned green when she was angry or upset. "Scully, I want to take advantage of life with you and Sam. Please, please help me to live again," he said. His pleading expression broke Scully's heart, but he gave her no time to confirm her agreement. Taking her face in his hands, he crushed his lips to hers, his tongue firmly but gently taking control of her mouth. Scully's strangled sigh turned a few heads, but they all quickly turned away when they realized what was going on. The only one who couldn't turn away was Skinner, whose shocked expression would have given Mulder a fatal attack of hysterical laughter, had his eyes not been closed in concentration. He wanted to drive Scully mad, even if it was in the middle of a crowded hospital room. Hey, ever since he was a kid he had wanted to kiss someone passionately in a crowded room like they did on TV. Scully's rational mind had been thrown to the wind as soon as her hormone levels had freaked out, so she was thoroughly enjoying this...what did Trent call it?...PDA: Public Display of Affection. She almost chuckled to herself thinking of her godson. She remembered his sixth birthday party in '93; the one where she had met that God-awful divorced father who couldn't even carry on a conversation over dinner. And now, this year he would be turning 14. It was amazing watching him grow up; watching him struggle through seventh grade. His girlfriend, a girl name Maggie whom Dana had never met in person, was big on PDAs. When they finally broke apart, she smiled at him and kissed his forehead. The head doctor approached them rather uncomfortably and said, "Mr. Mulder, we'll be taking you down for a PET scan now. We're hoping the activity in your brain has calmed down." "I have to go to my appointment Mulder, but I'll be right back if everything's alright." She squeezed his hand. "Good luck." He smiled after her as she left, and he was wheeled off down the hall. Somewhere in the Forests of Virginia Marita Covarrubius had received some information from an unknown source that Alex Krycek was in critical condition. Her mind told her not to care; that it was inconsequential to her. But her heart, which he had broken then stomped all over, still belonged to him. Oh hell, she thought. I might as well tell him, even though he's selfish, unfeeling bastard. Out the door she went. Georgetown Memorial Hospital Scully walked into the lab, a growing sense of apprehension in her belly. "What did you find?" she asked the doctor who greeted her. "Well," the doctor said, "We couldn't finished the battery of tests because Agent Mulder started to fight us. When he had calmed down, he told us he didn't remember any of his strange actions. I had him put in restraints; he attacked an orderly a few hours ago." Scully's face turned pale. "Any indication of increased electrical activity in his temporal lobe?" she asked, hoping the answer was no. "Yes and no. From the images we got, we were able only to see his temporal lobe from one side; the right. Now I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but it looks as if he may have an advanced growth in his right temporal lobe." Scully's face fell. "A tumor?" she managed to squeak out. The doctor nodded slowly. "You should take a look at the images yourself. We're having some difficulty determining what it is; we'll have to get some X-rays to better determine the placement." He walked over to the computer, pulled up a file, and beckoned Scully to come see. Her heart fell to the floor. There was an area of highly increased electrical activity in his temporal lobe, just as the doctor had said. But instead of it being everywhere as before, it was in a mass about 2 centimeters in diameter, indicating a brain tumor. "Well we'll have to run some tests," Scully conceded. "The placement of the tumor suggests that it may be operable." The doctor looked at her strangely. "Miss Scully, the placement of the tumor makes it nearly impossible without severe consequences. It's right next to the limbic system. We couldn't remove it without damaging his hippocampus." Scully sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. I feel trapped. My um...my daughter won't have a father if we can't get rid of this thing." Before she burst into tears, Scully left the room to regain her composure. Then she started down the hall towards Mulder's room. Alex Krycek's ICU bed Marita Covarrubius looked down at Krycek's unmoving form. He was in a coma, and it didn't look like he'd make it out of the woods. Tears formed in her eyes, but she brushed them away impatiently. "Selfish bastard," she whispered. Mulder's room "Scully?" he asked pitifully. "Why are they restraining me?" She sighed. "Mulder you attacked an orderly earlier today." "What?" he asked, disbelieving. "Dr. Kaiser told me. He said that you didn't remember anything afterwards." "That's ridiculous, Scully." She averted her eyes, then met his again. "Mulder you may have a brain tumor." "What?" he exclaimed. "I confirmed it myself Mulder; we hadn't seen it before because of your other condition." "Is it operable?" he asked, still shocked. She looked up at him. "Not without serious consequences." "But it can be done." It was a statement, not a question. "Mulder I'm not sure. Speak with your doctor about it. We're going to run some X-rays tomorrow, and maybe we'll have a better idea of what it is that we're looking at here." She got up to go, but Mulder stopped her. "Scully what did your doctor say?" Scully shivered slightly. "She said that Samantha has been showing signs of rapid growth, and that she would be a healthy baby, but that I'll be delivering within two months if Sam follows the growth pattern she's been following." Mulder blinked back tears. "They couldn't just leave us alone, could They Scully." She nodded slowly, then left for her apartment. Georgetown Memorial Hospital Scully watched Mulder get the X-rays taken through the glass window in the room. Her face was a mask of professionalism. Skinner was amazed at her newly regained composure despite her hormone levels. He had always known that Scully would never be the same after Mulder' return; her professional reputation was already irreparably damaged, and the rest of her life would be very strange, with her daughter never meeting her father. He didn't even want to think about it. Scully's professional facade was what she called auto piolet. She hadn't kept her emotions in check during her search for Mulder because they seemed to help her out when dealing with some of the idiots she was forced to deal with on a regular basis. They also worked on John Doggett; she thought she had lost all sex appeal when the rumors about herself and Mulder had begun in their first year together, but John Doggett was still reduced to a pitiful little man when she cried or went off on him. It was interesting the way he reacted to her; as if he felt inferior. Suffer, victim, she thought. Mulder wore a mask of indifference, but behind it he showed all the signs of becoming a raving lunatic. It was very likely, he concluded, that he would die before Sam was born; before he got a chance to see his sister in the form of his daughter. Knowing this added an extra burden to an already heavy bundle. He wanted so badly for everything to be alright, but he knew that it couldn't as long as he was who he was. When the X-ray battery was complete, Scully waited impatiently for the images to be developed. When they were, she saw confirmed what she had already suspected: Mulder had a brain tumor. It was a large mass between his limbic system and the right portion of his cortex. There seemed to be no way to operate without severely damaging the limbic system, effectively rendering Mulder without short-term memory. Mulder walked in as Scully continued to stare disbelievingly at the X-ray. "Scully?" "Mulder. It's confirmed, I guess," she said quietly. Scully had a very strong sense of deja-vu, and remembered that this was the same room where she had told Mulder about her own cancer. But you lived, Dana, she thought bitterly. Mulder had very bad memories of this room. Scully's announcement four years ago still haunted him, especially because she seemed so calm while he was crumbling inside. "Well, what are the risks of an operation?" he asked. His sense of urgency had increased, because of Scully's...condition. It was becoming very obvious that Sam was growing much, much faster than normal. Scully had started buying her new maternity clothes in nine month size because she knew they would fit her in about a week. Every day she looked bigger. She was lucky that she was in such good shape; any other woman would have been bedridden. "Mulder, I won't risk an operation. It would cause permanent damage to your short term memory banks, and to your emotional centers. The only way we can try to treat this is with radiation and chemotherapy, and I don't even know how well we'll do!" She realized that she was shouting at him, and bit her lip to keep her voice in check. "I'm sorry. Damn hormones," she mumbled. Mulder took a step towards her and placed his hand on her expanding stomach. He could swear he could almost feel it getting bigger. "Scully, I would walk through hell to survive this thing. Tell me what I need to do; I'll do it." "Mulder, you have cancer. Cancer can't be cured like a cold; there's nothing we can do that's certain." She felt Samantha moving within her, and decided that she definitely was getting big. This is going to get painful, she thought. Her sharp remark had hurt Mulder, she saw, but Sam's movement had dulled the pain. He was fascinated with the life they had created. "Scully, I will be there when she's born, I promise," he said quietly. "I know Mulder," Scully sighed. "But what about after that?" A Month Later Scully had decided that chemotherapy wasn't going to help Mulder very much, so she had the doctors use a high-density radiation treatment which singled out the tumor. The idea was to concentrate a thin but extremely "toxic" beam of radiation into the tumor. It was more precise than conventional radiation, and required only two treatments. The first time he received showed him how painful it could be, but the treatment seemed to have an effect; after a week, the tumor began to shrink. At her next appointment, Scully was told by her doctor that Samantha would be fully developed and turned in about a week, consistent with the original projection. Meaning that Scully and Mulder were prepared at any time for Scully to go into labor. Scully called her mom and informed her of the events of the past month, and told her that she was due in only a week. Mulder convinced her to go to a class for new parents, and it turned out to be a welcome break from the hospital room. They also learned some good delivery tips, which Scully took with a grain of salt. She wasn't sure if she wanted an epidural, but with Samantha being a big baby, Mulder was convinced that she should have one. He said that if she was in too much pain, his own pain would double. She had smiled at that remark; cancer had made him a much more sentimental person. His quest had been put on hold until he could recover, and it forced him to find things to do with himself. He had been put in a nice, sunny private room; partly due to the fact that the medical staff knew them so well. It was, coincidently, only a two minute walk from there to the maternity ward. Skinner checked in on them every day, usually after work. He told Mulder repeatedly that he was sorry about the way he had treated him, as if he was dead already. Scully had taken him aside and reminded him that her partner was very much alive, and that if the tumor kept responding to the radiation, he would be fine. Mulder had lost a lot of weight because of his treatments, but he always joked that the extra twenty Scully had added to her small frame made up for the ten that he had lost. Scully almost punched him for that remark; instead she just said, "It's not fair!" A week after Mulder's radiation treatments, Scully was taking a shower in the hospital bathroom when her water broke. "Oh God." She was more exasperated than anything else. "Mulder, my water broke!" she called. He was by her side when the first real contraction started. "Oh owww!" she gasped, doubled over. Poor Mulder was in a panic. He wasn't used to seeing Scully reacting to pain unless it was really bad, and apparently he had missed the part of pregnancy that included a painful delivery process. "Okay Scully, let's go; walk slowly now..." Apparently he had forgotten the part about putting on clothes before you exit the bathroom and wander down the hallway, which Scully had to remind him about. He was envious of her coolness, even as another contraction hit her as she tried to pull on her skirt. "Ouch!" she cried, laughing. "Sam, come on, Mommy's gotta get dressed first." Mulder watched his partner with disbelief. The poor woman was going through some pretty painful contractions, and yet she was laughing and looked better than he'd seen her in years. He himself didn't feel so good anyway lately, the radiation treatment wasn't exactly wonderful for what remained of his headaches. And here he was, trying to help his wife (he had already started to think of her as such) get through labor, and she was doing a better job herself! When Scully finally got dressed, she and Mulder walked relatively quickly down the hall to the maternity ward. Later That Night Mulder called Maggie Scully from Scully's bedside, telling her the news. "Yeah, she's not really proceeding to quickly right now, but she wants both of us here before the thick of it." "Let me talk to her," Maggie asked, pride in her eyes. Mulder handed the phone to his partner, who he was walking up and down the hall. "Scully, your mom." She smiled and took the phone from him. "Hi mom," she said, grateful to hear her mom's voice. "How are you doing Dana?" Maggie asked. "Well, as of right now, not to bad all things OW! considered," she gasped. "Ouch!" she exclaimed. "Mom, you better get down here double time." "I'm coming Dana. Hold on sweetheart." Maggie hung up, Mulder took Scully's arm, and they resumed their pacing. An Hour Later Maggie had been at the hospital for almost forty five minutes, but Dana hadn't seemed to make any progress while she was there. Dana was now lying down, a cup of ice on her stomach. When a contraction hit she would squeeze Mulder's hand as if her life depended on it, and he would lean down and kiss her forehead, then pretend to scold Samantha for hurting her mom. "As soon as you're born you're going into a year-long time out!" he would scold, directing his comments at Scully's burgeoning belly. Maggie watched the couple happily, helping Dana when she needed it. However she had begun to worry. Because of the lack of progress, Dana was extremely tired already, and she was going to have no energy left for the actual birth. Under cover of getting more ice (which she did anyway) Maggie went to talk to Dana's doctor about giving her something to speed up her labor. She had reasonably concluded that Dana's body wasn't entirely ready to go through with the labor because of the decreased gestation time of her daughter. The doctor had already warned Dana about this complication, so she agreed to have it done. Mulder couldn't understand why they had to drug Scully so that her labor would proceed faster. She was already in enough pain! "Scully why are they drugging you up, huh?" he said, only half joking. "Mulder I'm not quite going as fast as OW!!!" she screamed, grabbing his hand in a death grip. "Jesus! Ouch!" Poor Mulder. Having never had the opportunity to see a woman give birth, he was terrified that Scully was being hurt more than necessary. "Scully," he asked, somewhat sheepishly. "Is it supposed to hurt this much?" His lost expression made her smile. "Mulder, I'm doing a lot better than some, trust OW!!! sorry, trust me." She squeezed his hand again. "But I'll tell you this; I'll never again complain about having a cold." Mulder smiled. Scully thought it was normal, therefore, he believed it was normal too. And it was. An Hour Later "Alright let's get her to delivery," the doctor said. Scully smiled at her partner, even though she couldn't really concentrate on anything but how much her bottom half hurt. "Here we go," Mulder whispered to her as he followed them down the hall. Her hand remained clamped over his left; before it had been his right, but she had squeezed it so hard that three of his fingers were broken and bent in various unnatural directions. It hurt, but he wasn't willing to let it get to him. She nodded, unable to speak. When they finally got into the delivery room, things went very smoothly. It seemed like no time at all before she was resting comfortably, breast-feeding her daughter and crying hysterically. She was so beautiful; even if she did have an unruly tuft of dark hair. Mulder's own face was covered with tears. Mrs. Scully had held Samantha right after Dana, because she had to get home so that Charlie wouldn't drive up to his mom's house empty. After she left, Mulder and Scully had been left alone with their daughter. Watching Scully breast-feed their baby girl was amazing. He had never seen anything like mother and daughter together at last. She looked up at him, immutable joy shining brilliantly from her eyes, and said, "She's done. I need some sleep; will you hold her and put her to sleep?" Mulder smiled as she handed him their daughter. She was beautiful, even if her nose was slightly too large for her face. Her mother's eyes and pale skin glowed underneath her dad's hair and mouth. She wasn't crying or fussing, merely enjoying being with her parents. Mulder held her tenderly, supporting her flimsy neck, and rocked her as he whispered a lullaby in his low, gravely voice. "Hushaby, don't you cry/Go to sleep little baby/When you wake/You shall take/All the pretty little horses/Blacks and bays/Dapples and grays/All the pretty little horses/Hushaby, don't you cry/Go to sleep little baby." As her perfect little eyes closed, he knew that he would do anything for his daughter. A Week Later Scully stood outside the radiation therapy room, on the radiation oncology floor. She was holding her daughter, Samantha Ellen Mulder, in one arm, and in the other hand she held a large diaper bag. Watching Mulder go through the radiation therapy was a nerve-wracking experience; after this treatment, if the cancer survived, they could do nothing else for him. Samantha seemed to be concentrating on her Daddy just as hard as her Mommy, and the quizzical expression on her face made Skinner smile. Samantha was a beautiful baby, Skinner noticed. She seemed to have inherited the best traits from both of her parents, and knowing them, she would be one hell of a student. It tore him up to see Mulder and Scully having to go through this; both of them had large bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. Scully's maternity leave was supposed to allow her some time to relax, but with Mulder in the hospital it just ended up taking more out of her. Bill's son was in the hospital with meningitis, so Mrs. Scully wasn't available for baby-sitting. They were going to release Mulder from the hospital after this treatment, so he could hopefully go home and help Scully out. As the large machine circled around his head, Mulder felt a tremendous sense of foreboding. Scully had told him that if this treatment failed, the cancer would progressively invade his body and eventually kill him. She said that if the tumor responded as well to the treatment this time around as last time, then there should be no problem, but what if it didn't? How was Scully going to explain to Sam what had happened to her father? He had made out his will and left everything of sentimental value to Scully, and everything of value to his work to the Gunmen with strict instructions NOT to look at it until Scully had seen it and felt confident that she knew the information. Finally, the machine stopped moving, and the nausea he always experienced after therapy took over. He nodded towards the bathroom, and Scully nodded back, as a sort of "We'll meet you there." She walked over to the bathroom and walked in to change Sam's diaper. Mulder joined them a minute later, and his vomiting into the toilet made the baby cry. "Shhh, it's okay Sam, shhh, don't worry." A little lullaby came to mind. "Lullaby Lullaby Close your eyes Close your eyes Sam's eyes drifted closed as Scully hummed to tune softly. Mulder watched, entranced, as his normally professional partner lulled their daughter to sleep. He had never really thought about the wonderful nature of parenthood, he had only considered the screaming, the whining, crying, boo boos, Halloween costumes; everything that could possibly go wrong. He had never seen the beautiful side of it. Oh well, he'd get to know it well, he hoped. Dana Scully's Apartment She couldn't believe it. She had just received the X-rays in the mail, and her mouth had fallen open in shock. The tumor was getting bigger. It wasn't going into remission as they had hoped; Mulder's night sweats and frequent headaches were due to the tumor's rapid growth. There was nothing they could do, no treatment in sight. He was going to die. She expected tears, hoped for them, but all she could feel was dull shock. Sam could feel the change in her mom, Scully had become more automatic, fulfilling her duties as a mother without any emotion. Samantha had become more irritable, more easily excited. Mulder had just started to wither. He lost weight at an amazing pace; his thick, strong arms went limp. He became a ghost of his former self; a haunted shell. Scully had become her worst fear: a women in extreme shock. There's nothing, it's over, she screamed inside her head. Mrs. Scully came over to take care of the baby, and Scully just lay next to Mulder all day, feeling her life leave with his. Months passed, but all she could do was lay beside him and feel his pain. The days passed slowly, without end, but one day her mother came to the house with someone else. "Dana!" she called, in a falsely cheerful voice. "Dana, I'm here! I've brought someone to see you and Fox!" Dana Scully pulled herself out of bed, realizing that the twenty pounds she had gained during her pregnancy had vanished, along with an added fifteen. She was down to an extremely unhealthy weight of 90 pounds; her skin clung to her bones, making her sunken face and defeated eyes stand out; making her a skeleton. She walked out to the front hall slowly, feeling how much her nightgown sagged off of her skin. Standing behind her mother in the door was Father McCue. "Dana, I went out and bought two rings, one in your size and one in Fox's. I brought Father McCue along to ah, to marry you." She looked at her defeated daughter, her eyes reflecting Dana's own hopelessness. Father McCue stepped in, his kind face not betraying his shock at seeing Dana Scully, the strong one, like this. Her eyes filed with tears when her mother told her why he was here, and he could barely escape crying himself. "Oh Mom," Dana whispered, falling into her mother's arms. "Mom, I'm so scared." Maggie felt her daughter's tears on her shoulder, and wet herself. "I am too Dana. I am too." Somehow, Mulder had managed to pull his shell of a self out of bed, and was walking with some difficulty down the hall. He saw Scully and her mother crying together, and felt more hopeless than ever. He knew that he was dying; he could feel it. He had known it that morning. When he woke up to find Scully gone, he crawled out of bed and limped over to Samantha's crib. He had intended to pick her up and hold her close, just as he had wanted to do for so long. But when she opened her eyes and saw him, she let out a scream of terror. He was so far gone that his own daughter was frightened of him. That had broken his heart; had killed any spark that was still living inside of him. His own daughter, the daughter he had pledged his life too, was afraid of him. His whole world fell apart that morning; his heart had died and his soul along with it. Samantha didn't know him anymore; Samantha couldn't see that he couldn't live without her love. He was lost, a hopeless wanderer on a barren plain. His heart and soul torn from his shell of a body, all he had left was his impending death. He had gone to find Scully, to tell her that he had nothing left, when he saw her crying with her mother in the hall. "Scully?" he had whispered, his once smooth voice ravaged by pain and knowledge of his fate. She turned and saw him standing there, a hopeless look in his eyes. All she could see was him, her partner, her lover, and her best friend. All she could see was all those things being stolen from her, like precious gems from the mine of her now fragile heart. "Mulder," she replied, walking over to him. She stood on tip toe and placed a gentle kiss on his mouth; the mouth once so beautiful and now so shriveled and hopeless. "Mulder, Mom brought the man who you met earlier, Father McCue. She um, she also brought rings and a marriage license." Mulder realized what she was trying to say, and some hope returned. "Scully, I would be honored," he whispered, his lip trembling. He was becoming extremely tired standing on his feet, but he held out for Scully's sake. "Mulder I love you," she whispered back, her tears not able to hide her small smile from Mulder. He collapsed into her arms, eyes closed happily. His headache was constant now, but he tried not to pay attention to it during this sacred moment. Father McCue took Mrs. Scully's hand as she burst into tears, and he let her take some comfort in his strong facade. Finally he said to Mulder and Scully, "I know that this may not seem conventional but um, would you" -he nodded towards Mulder -"like to hold your daughter during your marriage?" Mulder's eyes filled with tears, and he turned to Scully. "Samantha's afraid of me," he confessed to Scully. "I wanted to hold her this morning, but she was afraid of me." His tears spilled over, and Scully stood up and kissed them away. "Mulder, you're her father. She will never, ever forget you; I won't let her, okay?" With one final kiss, she walked over to Samantha's room. Mulder could hear her cooing softly to her baby as she (presumably) dressed her up and quickly fed her. During this time, Mrs. Scully took the opportunity to give Fox a big hug and a kiss. "Fox, you have always been my son. Never, ever will that change." He smiled at her, wishing that his own Mother had felt the same way. "Thank you Mom," he said. The title lit up Maggie's face, and, frankly, Mulder felt better too. Scully carried Sam into the room. Sam's smile at seeing her grandma was short lived, when she saw Mulder she screamed again. "Shhh, it's alright Sam," Dana cooed. She handed the baby to Mulder. She screamed even more, and Mulder's expression broke everyone's heart. "Sam, it's Daddy Samantha. Shhhh," she cooed, more softly. "Samantha," Mulder whispered, his voice cracking. She stopped wailing abruptly, as if she had heard something in the distance. He saw his advantage, and started to rack her as he sang. "Hushaby, don't you cry Blacks and bays Hushaby, don't you cry He was relieved and overjoyed when Sam looked up at him, an expression of understanding on her face, and gurgled, "Dada." The fingers that had been in her mouth came out and grabbed her Dada's nose. He smiled at her, his happiness apparent, and leaned in and gave her an Eskimo kiss. "Right back atcha'," he whispered. Sam giggled at him, and Scully saw Mulder's pitifully shriveled, defeated face light up joyfully. He balanced the baby on his right hip, and said, "Father, I believe I have been blessed." With that, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder were married. The short little ceremony fulfilled Dana's hope that they would be bound for eternity, and Mulder felt like the luckiest man alive. Shortly afterward, however, he had to give in to his fatigue and fell asleep on the couch, Sam asleep on his chest. Scully looked lovingly at the pair, both drooling and snoring, and then thanked her mom and Father McCue for their genius. She also sent her mother home for a much-needed break, and decided that she was going to start eating again, even though food didn't really appeal to her. A Week Later Dana Scully woke up with a sickening feeling that something was very wrong. When she awoke she immediately checked on Sam, but her daughter was sleeping peacefully. As she crawled back into bed, she realized that Mulder was struggling to breathe. "Mulder!" she said, her voice conveying her panic. "Mulder!" she said louder, shaking him in a desperate attempt to stop the horrible sounds he was making. "Scully," he rasped, his mouth barely moving. "Scully, please help Sam remember me," he pleaded. "Please don't let her forget me." Her heart stopped, then began again at a rate of about 8,000 beats per millisecond. "Mulder listen to me. You're not going to die now, do you hear me Fox? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE!" she screamed, losing all control. Sam started to cry hysterically, but all she could do was shake him more. "Mulder?" she pleaded, choked with sobs. "Mulder!" He nodded, his breath slowing. "Bring Sam, the baby's crying," he whispered, eyes fluttering helplessly. "Let me say goodbye, please." The horror that overtook her was beyond anything she ever felt capable of feeling. It blinded her with age and sorrow. She tried to comply, but her legs didn't seem to be working. His shaking hands were increasing her sense of urgency, and finally she frantically scrambled out of bed. Running down the hall she picked her screaming daughter up from her crib and raced back to her dying husband's bedside. On the way into the room she reflexively turned the lights on, revealing Mulder's bluish tint. "Mulder?" she whispered, running over to the bedside. Shaking, she started mouth to mouth. He started breathing again, but she knew he wasn't going to make it through the night. Placing Sam down beside him, she started to sob when she heard Sam whisper, "Dada?" softly, her little eyes full of tears. Somehow she knew what was happening to her Daddy, and she understood that there was nothing to be done. He looked over at his daughter and smiled faintly. "Hi Sam," he managed. "Daddy won't see you again for a while, but I promise that I'll be watching you. On your first day of preschool until you graduate with high honors, I'll watch over you. When you..." He paused for air, then continued. "When you get married, get pregnant, all through your life I'll watch over you and your children, guard you all from harm. And take care of your mommy, okay Sam? Don't let anyone hurt your mommy, because she's the best person alive, and you're so lucky that she's your mom." Tears flowed down Scully's face, her eyes brilliantly green, as Samantha laid down on her father's chest and listened to his heartbeat. In minutes she was asleep. Scully laid down next to Mulder, tears flowing with complete abandon. "Mulder, please don't leave me Mulder. Please, please hold on," she whispered, choking. "I can't do this without you Mulder, I can't take care of my baby if all I can think of is killing myself." He grabbed her hand with surprising strength, and his eyes flashed briefly. "Dana Katherine Scully," he wheezed, trying to breathe. "You are the most capable, loving, wonderful person I have ever known in my entire life, and I will die all over again if you stop now. Listen to me," he said, wincing. "I love you. I love you more than life itself. You are my life. And now I can die with you by my side, to hold me and comfort me while my mind slips away. I'll look in on you too, where ever I go. I can't imagine not seeing you until you join me in whatever lies beyond. That's why you have to hold on," he wheezed. "Please, please hold on for me Scully." She nodded, mute. Finally she choked out, "Fox, I love you." And as Mulder's eyes closed for the final time, he whispered, "I love you, I love you, I love you..." He trailed off, and she could barely hear the last words. "I love you, goodbye." Je Finis! Feedback Please!!!
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