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Title: Dancing in the Rain Summary: Scully says goodbye to Mulder. Washington Memorial Cemetery The dull sky softly leaked cool mists of rain upon the grass. I have my long coat on, which keeps any moisture to seeping into my dark clothing. I guess it fits for it to rain today, of all days. I push my right hand into my coat pocket to make sure the three by five cards are there. Not that I need them. I spent all of last night memorizing the words I will say today, and only wrote them down in the rare chance that I would forget them. I won't need them. In my left arm, I carry a white rose, wrapped protectively with clear plastic. Only the best for you, Mulder. Suddenly, I feel a strong hand gently touch my shoulder. Turning, I see Walter Skinner's grief stricken face. He was taking this hard, and on top of the guilt he has dealt himself over the past six years, he looks even worse. I smile at him and say quietly, "Hey, it's over now. No more pain." He nods, "No more pain." He wraps his arm around my back and we walk together towards a small group of people. I don't recognize several of the faces but I do see many that I do know. Langley, Byers and Frohike are all wearing tailored dark suits and frowns. My mother holds a folded umbrella in one hand and a handkerchief in the other. Several of the medical staff that I have come to know as friends are greiving the same as the rest of us. Near my mother, I spot my brother Bill, his wife and daughter. Charlie sent his condolences and his regrets that he couldn't make the service. And holding my mother's handkerchief hand is a dark haired girl of six years of age, in a small dark coat, underneath her own miniature umbrella. Mulder had gotten it for her when she was four. She thought it was the best gift ever. Of course, she always said that of everything he gave her. Daddy's little girl. Skinner and I stop five feet away form the group. Actually, I am the one who pauses first. A sudden heaviness settles in my chest, and I have to choke back the tears. I have to be strong, I remind myself, I promised Mulder I would be strong. Skinner squeezes my shoulder before letting go. I look at him, my eyes glassy. He smiles bravely, but I see the tears in his eyes. He leans in towards me and kisses my brow. Before standing straight, he whispers, "He's watching, Dana. Remember that." I nod, but I can only think of Mulder's voice, telling me his dying words. Saying that everything was going to be all right. That he was always going to be with me. That he loved me... Skinner left and walked towards my mother. He knelt before my daughter and said something that made her smile. Mulder always said she had my smile, and his eyes. I secretly thought that they both were his. His best features were passed down to our daughter, and I would always be grateful for that. I retain my distance from the group, not quite ready to say my parting words to Mulder. I was still not ready to accept that he was gone. We were both well prepared for his death, or at least we thought we were. After discovering his illness after his abduction, I had spent my extra time looking into treatments for the disease that was ravaging his brain. Upon his return and after a brief recovery period, I had him begin series of radiation treatments to slow the deterioration. It worked successfully, his doctors would say. I cherished the six years that he lived with our daughter and me. But I still feared the end, even as it stared me in the face. The arrangements weren't difficult, but the mental preparation for all of us was unforgivably harsh. I would fall apart in his arms at night and he would whisper to me how I wasn't to worry about him anymore, and that the pain was going to end. I would respond that the pain was going to begin for me. And we would hold each other and cry all night. He was right that the pain would end for him. As the disease worsened, he began to have grand mal seizures that were not only hard on him, but on everyone. They would come out of nowhere, and no medicine would ease them. Also, headaches and migraines became frequent and so severe that he would shut the blinds and hide underneath the covers of our bed all day, whimpering in pain. But no longer would he suffer. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man walking towards the group. I looked at him and smiled to see that it is Doggett. Our partnership had improved since Mulder was returned. Although I will never trust him as much as I did Mulder, I feel comfortable with him, and do not always have to check my back when he is near by. He stops next to me, touches my elbow. "How are you doing?" "Well as I could be, I suppose. The fight is over," I say and begin to walk with him towards the others. I touch the cards again. Nope, I won't need them at all. "You'll do fine, Scully. You always do." I nod and step next to a marble tombstone that reaches my hip. I don't need to look at the words that are engraved into it, for Mulder and I filled out the form three weeks ago, lying on the carpet in front of the couch. He decided, with my once-over, what would title his resting place: Fox William Mulder, Will be loved always by his friends, wife and daughter. I leave the cards in my coat pocket and clear my throat, grabbing the attention of everyone. Help me to be strong, Mulder. I need your help so much right now... "I have known Mulder for over a decade. I grew to love his mind, body and soul as many of you have. He was gifted with intelligence and willpower that pushed him into the FBI where he excelled in skill. I originally met him to rein him in for the higher up's of the Bureau, but soon, I came to know him more than just an out of control agent, he was a man, with a kind heart and a concern for others." I look at my mother, who was now beginning to cry. So was Skinner. "Mulder proposed to me six years ago. I was shocked, but happy. We were walking through the Mall after a doctor's appointment. He took me into the plush grass and asked me. I cried and said yes. Then, it began to downpour. He didn't care, neither did I. We stayed an hour longer, dancing in the rain. Dancing to the music of our hearts. I married Mulder soon after and we shared a celebration of our love with the raising of a baby girl. I learned then how gentle Mulder was, as both a husband and a father. He made our family come together." Doggett's face was now wet, not only with the rain. Actually, the only dry face I could see was my daughter's face. Looking closer, I could see her bottom lip quivering. Daddy's little girl. "Even with all of the pooled efforts of several top neurologists and treatments, Mulder fell victim to an incurable disease. But, his spirit never darkened, even in the... Even in the final days. He wore his trademark smile everyday. He played with his daughter everyday. And he made every moment count. "He made his life all that it could be. And more." I pause and kneel next to Mulder's tombstone. I gently uncover the rose and kiss a velvet petal before setting it on the moist dirt. I stand and take a deep breath, "When I was thinking of what to say today, I could only think of the day he proposed to me. The ring, the rain... We were soaking wet instantly, but we danced until dusk fell. I found a poem three days ago... I think it fits Mulder... and his relationship to all of us... "Something's dead inside me, some yesterday is slain. My heart is hung open on a cross; my thoughts are filled with pain. And yet, there is within me, a hope I can't explain. For in the darkness I can see God dancing in the rain." Tears break through my eyes and leak down my cheeks as the rain falls harder. I continue, louder. "I surrender to the mystery of loss that turns to gain. The little seed must die to become a field of grain... And I know that it's in this time of grief, that Christ has risen again..." The rain suddenly ceases and the sun comes out from beneath the clouds. All of us look skyward and stare at the glimpse of light and blue sky. My daughter's lips form into a smile. It is then I feel it. Feel him. His presence overwhelms my senses, comforting the heavy ache in my chest. Encourages my body to relax. I feel the warmth of his smile, the sound of his laugh. I feel the strength of his belief in me. I'm not sure, but I could swear his voice whispered in my ear. You're doing just fine, Dana... "Mulder?" I whisper back. He left, but he wasn't gone. I spoke softly and confidently, because I was doing just fine. "For in the darkness I can see God dancing in the rain." The End
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