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Title: Inside the Drawer Summary: Mulder and Scully talk on the phone after they spent the Christmas Eve together. This is is for you, MSD. Wish you were here. On Christmas night, when everybody spent time with his or her family, Mulder was alone cleaning the room. However, he was by no means lonely. He'd spent the Christmas Eve with someone very dear and had watched the clock strike midnight. Although they'd gone home in separate cars, she'd come to visit him soon after, breaking Mulder's curse of lonely Christmases. During dinner, Mulder put the present Scully had given him on the coffee table and smiled. When he finished eating and was about take trash out, he noticed that Scully'd left something on the table by the door. It was the Christmas present he'd given her. She must've forgotten to picked it up again after she'd put on her coat. Mulder looked at the clock. It was half past nine. Scully couldn't be home yet. She'd said that she was going to spend Christmas with her family. Even the FBI took a holiday break, so if there was no case, he wouldn't see her until next year. Mulder decided to call her. Even if she wasn't home, he would just leave a message on her machine. "Scully." Surprisingly enough, she had answered. Mulder was dumbstruck by this unexpected situation. "I thought you were going to your family's." "Yeah, but I came home. What's up, Mulder?" Her voice was soft. She hadn't had much sleep last night, so she must have been tired. "Well I was going to leave a message on the machine. It's nothing important." He started feeling a little embarrassed to have called about the present. He could have given it back to her after the New Year. "You left the present on the table. Or maybe Santa came back to my place to return it." "Oh I'm sorry. I must have left it when I put on my coat." "Don't worry," Mulder said chuckling. "You are just politely insinuating that my taste in presents really sucks." Scully laughed with him too. "What if that's the case? Would you consider redoing your Christmas shopping?" "Well that depends on whether I still have the receipt. Kersh sent me more bills, so if I can't get a refund, I don't think I can afford another present until next year." "Oh you think you had it bad? How many people do you think I had to buy presents for? Most of my salary went up in smoke just for the family." "I'm glad to hear that you contribute to the economy, Scully." "Oh since when were you ever interested in the economy?" "Ever since they cut back on the budget for The X-Files." Scully giggled over the phone. Mulder laughed with her, but soon they fell into silence. "Did you get any sleep?" Scully asked Mulder. "No. But I am used to functioning on no sleep." "Well I am the same way." "No, you sleep more than I do. Whenever we are on a stake out, you always drool on me, so I'm sure you've ruined at least one of my suits. So for next Christmas, I'd appreciate if you could get me a new suit." "Well then, would you give me a new pair of shoes for next Christmas? I'm sure I stepped on Alien goo enough times during our investigation that I've ruined more than one pair of my shoes." "Hold on a minute, did you just acknowledge the existence of the extraterrestrials?" "If you buy me shoes, maybe I will consider it." Mulder laughed a little at the sarcasm. "Well it doesn't seem like you'll need new shoes anytime soon. We won't probably go back in the field for a while." "Yeah..." she said, half-yawning. "Are you tired? I will let you go then." "Yeah a little. But I've got something to do. I have to call Bill in California. It's still dinnertime over there." "I see. Either way I should hang up." "No it's ok. I told them I would call around eight their time. I still have some time to wait." "Oh ok." "Yeah." They fell into silence again. What should I do? Mulder asked himself. Usually this was when he would ask about the family. But... Scully must have sensed his fear, she started on the topic. "Bill, Tara, and Matthew are doing well." "I see." Bill, Tara, and Matthew. This combination was not good. Mulder had always avoided this topic. Scully had never really liked talking about her family, but recently any mention of her family was taboo. Despite the awkwardness, Scully went on. "Last year, we went to California, so they were supposed to come here this year... But Tara got pregnant with the second child. And Bill is going to be deployed soon, so he is busy preparing for that. So then I was supposed to meet Mom and other relatives without Bill today." "You were supposed to?" "Mulder, I... I actually... didn't go anywhere today. I told you that I'd just come back but... it was a lie." Scully seemed to be looking for words. Her silent breathing was the only sound over the line. Mulder remained silent. He was very much aware of the reason why she did not want to see her family. Last Christmas that was why. What she'd discovered in California last Christmas was her daughter that she'd had no knowledge of. Scully wouldn't talk about Emily. She acted as if nothing'd happened at all, so Mulder acted likewise. The fire in the basement had burned many X-Files including Emily's. Mulder had found it when restoring the other files and thought about Scully. If this file had gone back to The X-Files, it would have been inevitable that Spender and Diana would find out about her painful past. That had to be avoided at all costs. Even after restoring, the file did not look the same: it was burnt, torn, and permanently damaged. Mulder had put away the file in the drawer of his desk at home. Of course, no one knew of this. Scully broke the long silence. "You know Mulder... ever since last Christmas, I worked very hard. Keeping myself busy was the best way to forget everything..." Scully's voice broke off. "Whenever I saw Matthew's pictures, I saw her in Matthew. I became distant with Bill and Tara. I don't even talk to my mom anymore. I told her I was busy with work... I don't have any good memories. She was ill when I first found her. I was desperate trying to protect the poor little girl who had just lost her parents... You know, Mulder... I can't remember anything good. Her voice talked matter-of-factly, but it was barely audible. "During the short time I'd known her, I wonder if there were any happy moments. If I can't remember any, I'm sure she couldn't remember either... The time she'd spent with me must have been filled with sorrow and pain..." "That's not true," Mulder said gently. He heard her rugged voice over the phone. Scully must have been crying. "You were with her until the end. It is better if one can go in the arms of their loved one." "Mulder..." Scully called his name and swallowed a breath. Mulder continued. "It is heartbreaking to see your loved one go. But you didn't think of your pain and chose to stay beside her till the end. She was able to go in peace only because you were there for her. She couldn't have been any happier." Scully was silent. Mulder had nothing left to say. "Mulder... I tried my hardest not to remember her. I was afraid that it would break me. I tried everything to forget her, but nothing would stop it. Whenever I remembered her, I forced myself deeper into work." Mulder squeezed the left hand that was not holding the phone. His hand was moist. "You know Mulder... Would she... Do you think she would forgive me? That I only think of her that way... That the only time I think of her is when I try to forget her..." "You haven't forgotten her. What you try to forget are the painful memories. Someday you will remember the moments you were happy. No matter how short they were, she was happy that you'd found her..." Mulder thought he'd felt her nod. She whispered softly "Yeah... maybe a day like that will come to me." "Yeah..." Mulder heard her gentle breathing over the phone. It was stable. Good, he thought. They both remained silent for a while. "Hey Mulder." "Yeah?" "Can you stay on the line for a little while?" "...Okay." They stayed on the phone without saying anything. Mulder tightened the grip on the phone. Her breathing was the only sound he heard. It was so gentle that Mulder thought Scully might have fallen asleep, but he didn't hang up the phone. How long had it been? Mulder realized that he'd fallen asleep. In his right hand, the phone was clutched tightly. When he pushed the receiver closer to his ear, he heard her breathing again. Mulder's lips formed a smile. She must have fallen asleep too. When he was about to push the button to hang up, Scully's tiny voice came from the receiver. "...I love you..." Mulder's whole body tightened. Oh my God... Her thick voice came from the receiver again. "...I love you...Emily..." Mulder hung up the phone. He returned it to the cradle and looked over the room. The Christmas present Scully had given him was still on the coffee table. Mulder grabbed it and squeezed it dearly in his arms for a second. Then he put it away in the desk drawer, beside Emily's file. I hope you enjoyed it. Feedback is greatly appreciated! shmallowssmore@gmail.com
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