She could still see his face. Still taste his lips. Still feel him beside her. She still believed this could all be a lie. But the people around her all dressed in black and glancing at her with pity in their eyes when they thought she wasn't looking told her that this nightmare was a reality. Had it really been only five short days since she received that phone call? The call that her daughter had answered before running into the garden to give the phone to her mom. Everything had moved so fast. And yet she felt as if she were stuck in time. That this moment would never end. She knew that the pain would never go away.

How could this have happened to her? After everything that they had been through. After all the time and effort it had taken for them to even admit they were in love, why had he been taken from her after so short a period of time? It just didn't make any sense.

People began to leave the graveside and head towards their cars. It was a hot July day and everyone was heating up with his or her black jackets, trousers, and skirts. White shirts were the only thing that stopped people spontaneously combusting as people slipped off jackets to cool down. Now that the service was over it was considered appropriate to do so.

The thought of going back to their house, and listening to people tell stories about him as is if they'd known him their whole life was more than she could stomach. She hadn't even been able to look at her daughter because all she saw in her eyes was her father. She was only four years old; she didn't understand why her mom was so upset all the time. She had been staying with a friend whilst her mom made the arrangements. People kept telling Monica that it was normal to feel this way, but she couldn't understand why it was normal to not want to be with her daughter at this time. To see John in their daughter, Anna's, eyes. But Anna had been John's whole world, for just four short years they had enjoyed her being in their life. Now Anna was going to grow up without a father.

Monica didn't feel the hand that slipped into her own, she didn't feel anything anymore, nor did she look down to see the small four-year-old looking up at her desperate for her to reach down to her. Everything had gone. Monica couldn't even cry anymore, it was all too much like a dream. She ached and felt physical pain from living through the past five days; it tore her in two to think about it.

Dana and Fox walked over to her with their son William walking beside them, he was eight years old now and was the sweetest boy Monica had had the pleasure of knowing. It was him she noticed walking over before she saw his parents and then she looked at Anna. She tried to smile at the little girl, she tried to talk to her, and she wanted to tell her it would all be ok. But she just couldn't. Dana took Monica's free hand and Fox picked up Anna and took her to his car with William.

"Monica, we should go." Monica nodded her head without taking her eyes from where John Doggett had now been laid to rest.

"Are you ok?" Monica looked at Dana through tearful eyes and shook her head. How was she supposed to be ok?

"It's all my fault Dana. He died for me. John is dead because of me."

"He saved your life. He wouldn't have wanted this to go any other way."

June 24th
Two weeks earlier
Doggett Residence...

"Monica! Will you help me here!"

"I can't! I'm gonna be late for work!"

"Well that makes two of us!" Monica popped her head around Anna's bedroom door and laughed as she watched John try to get their daughter out of bed and dressed.

"Mon, will you talk to your daughter?"

"She's your daughter when I'm getting ready, remember?"

"Well then maybe we should just leave her here..." Monica was about to protest but John put his finger to his lips to signal her to be quiet as he stood up from Anna's bed. She was hidden firmly under the covers and showed no signs of coming out for anybody. John walked over to Monica and then turned back to his little girls bedroom.

"Yeah Mon, you and me will go to work and Anna can stay here, alone, all day."

"You do know that this will probably scar her later in life?" John smiled and kissed Monica to allay her fears. This was a game that they had played on many occasions and so far it had always worked in their favour.

"Isn't William off school for the holidays now too?"

"Yeah I think so, he should be at home with his dad."

"Well I guess we should call him and tell him to not expect Anna to come and play with all of his toys. He'll like that." Monica laughed quietly to herself as Anna showed signs of movement.

Slowly she popped her head from under the duvet and grinned at her parents. John looked at Monica and she knew what he wanted them to do. They waited a few more seconds before running into the room to get Anna up, Anna ran out of bed and down the stairs as fast as she could laughing all the way and Monica hi-fived John.

"Same time tomorrow morning?"

"You bet."

They went into their own bedroom to finish getting ready and John smiled to himself as he watched Monica brush her long brown hair. Anna had inherited his own big blue eyes, but it was Monica that she looked like the most, as far as he was concerned he had the most beautiful family in the world.

As John pulled up at the front of the Mulder residence he got out of the car with Monica and carried Anna out of the car whilst Monica went straight to the front door. William opened it and smiled at her as he said 'good morning' and invited her in.

"Mom's in the kitchen."

"Thanks, I hope you're ready for Anna today."

"I've hidden anything breakable in my room." Monica laughed and went into the kitchen to Dana and her younger son Jack, age two, who was sitting merrily in his baby chair at the kitchen table. Dana smiled as she took a last sip of an already cold cup of coffee.

"It's been one of those morning."

"Tell me about it! Anna decided she wanted to stay in bed again this morning."

"Well you survived the 'terrible twos', she'll grow out of it."

"And you're going through it all again with Jack." Monica went over to the small boy and smiled as he grinned up at her.

"Mon'ca." The two women laughed and were joined by John who came in and smiled before sitting down at the table to fuss over the baby.

"Hey Jacky, how ya doin'?" The baby giggled and John was in his element. Dana smiled and looked at her watch.

"Mulder's upstairs, but we should go."

John looked up sighed; he hated being late because he enjoyed sitting in the house and talking like two normal couples. More now than ever, because Skinner had called and told Monica and John that he wanted them to bring Dana with them to the bureau for a meeting. Mulder agreed to watch Anna and was intrigued by what Skinner wanted with the three of them, as they all got back into the car, with Mulder, William, Jack and Anna waving from the door they drove to the FBI to find out.

Chapter 2

Back at the house Monica was one of the last to walk inside. It was her home. Hers and Johns, and these people were walking around as if they could do what they liked. She didn't have the energy or the will for any of this. For all she cared they could all move in if they were so fascinated by how the Doggett family used to live their lives.

John's family had been incredibly supportive. His ex-wife was here too. Monica had never had a problem with the ex Mrs. Doggett. But something about her being here now felt like a betrayal. John's sister, Kate was talking to Barbara in the kitchen when Monica walked in. Kate came straight over and hugged her before apologising. Apologising for what?

She hadn't killed John; she hadn't made him choose between his own life and the lives of those that he loved the most. Why was everybody saying sorry as if they were to blame? Barbara smiled briefly before leaving the room. Monica felt bad for making her feel uncomfortable but this was her home.

Monica managed to find a quiet part of the house where people were not walking around laughing and saying 'do you remember the time when he...' she couldn't hear things like that right now. She stood with a glass of wine in her bedroom and was looking out of the window into the back garden.

Anna and William were playing on the swings and the slide. John had taken an entire weekend to put the toys together for Anna, and she had stayed with him every second of their construction trying to help him. He had loved it; Anna was a daddy's girl at just four years old. He had told Monica that he couldn't wait until she was old enough to be dating so that he could protect her and stop her from dating losers. Now he was never going to get to do that.

She could remember the day she told him that she was pregnant. His face had lit up with joy, she had never seen a person so happy, and from the second Anna was born he adored her.

If only he had stepped away... If only he hadn't come after her... If only... What did it matter 'if only' she couldn't change what was done. John was gone. He wasn't coming back.

Monica turned around and looked at all of the photographs that were around the room. Photos of them as a family, on days out and in the garden, on birthdays and at Christmas. There was a photograph of them all from Anna's fourth birthday, they had hired a bouncy castle for the back garden and invited some friends round, the photograph had just the three of them on it laughing and happy. Anna was never going to get another birthday like that. Her arms were flung around her father's neck in the photo and Monica wiped away tears as she tried to imagine how Anna must be feeling, how confused she must be. As she sat down on the bed someone appeared at the door. John's mom.

"Monica, sweetheart."

"How are you Rosey?"

"Oh sweetheart I'm just fine, but look at you. Have you eaten in the last five days?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you what I've done over the last five days, I've been on autopilot."

"Monica you've got to take care of yourself, think of Anna, she needs her mom right now."

Monica nodded her head and couldn't bear to tell her mother in law that she was finding it hard to be a mom to her little girl right now. Anna didn't deserve this.

"Well I just wanted to let you know that Frank and I are going to stay and take care of tidying up, you don't have to worry."

"Are people leaving?"

"A few. Your absence is making them feel awkward."

"I'm sorry, I just... I can't right now..."

"I know, it's ok." Monica shook her head.

"No it isn't. It's never going to be ok again."

Monica began to cry and Rosey took her into her arms and rocked her gently wishing more for Monica's sake than her own that she could have her son back.

June 24th
Skinner's office...

Monica was standing up with Dana and John on either side of her, still seated after what Skinner had told them all. She couldn't believe this.

"Agent Reyes, calm down..."

"Calm down? You're seriously telling me to calm down?"

"We will deal with this."

Monica could remember the case as if it were yesterday. It had been her first real encounter with the X-files unit and she had the medical records from the fire extinguisher thrust into her head to prove it.

Jeb and Katha Dukes, brother and sister whose lives Monica had played a big part in bringing down. She had shot and killed Jeb, in her eyes with just cause, he was holding his niece, Mia, then aged six, at gunpoint. He had killed three people and why shouldn't she have helped to protect the little girl? Because that little girl was now fourteen and wanted revenge, or as she was claiming justice, that's why.

John could see how much this was affecting Monica; it was having a similar effect on him. Monica had bought this case to the bureau thinking it had something to do with the murder of his son, which he was now satisfied they had laid to rest after the murder of Nicholas Regali over seven years ago, the man he believed to have killed his son, but at the time it had been hard for him to accept what that case had actually meant. Now it was coming back to haunt them.

"So what exactly is going to happen?"

Dana was concerned for her friends more than anything, she had been informed that she was in hospital with pregnancy complications at the time the case was open and had no clear recollection of it.

"Mia Dukes has been placed with foster family after foster family and her latest parents were murdered yesterday, she wants to sue the FBI for emotional trauma and distress because none of this would have happened if one of our agents hadn't shot and killed her uncle sending her mother into a mental institution."

"What kind of case does she have?"

"Not a good one, but she will cause a lot of noise for the bureau, and we're trying to do everything we can to keep this as low key as possible."

"Does she have any other family?"

"No. Her father was never located, and her mother and uncle were the only other living relatives at the time of the incident."

Dana looked across to John and he could see that she was concerned this would raise a lot of flags in the Doggett family camp, but he wanted to ignore that and pretend that this could all be swept under the carpet.

Monica remembered seeing the look on Katha Dukes face when her brother had died, when she had fiercely attacked her and blamed her for his death. It sent a shiver through her and she hated it when something made her doubt her actions. She had been trying to protect the girl.

"So what happens now?"

"Agent Scully will autopsy the deceased foster parents, I don't want this being screwed up or getting into the press. Agent Doggett you have an appointment with Mia Dukes in Maryland for this afternoon. Agent Reyes you'll stay here and I suggest you take things easy and lie low for a few days until we can clear this up."

"No. I did nothing wrong, I'm not going to hide. I'm going with Agent Doggett."

"I'm afraid I can't allow that."

"The hell you can't I said I'm going."

"This is a direct order Agent Reyes! I suggest you follow it before you put your ass any further on the line."

John stood up and put a protective hand on Monica's arm and she shrugged him off as she stormed out of the office.

Chapter 3

Monica finally went down the stairs and everybody but John's family and Mulder, Dana and William had left. She looked at the empty plates lying around with plastic cups. The house was a mess and Rosey Doggett was frantically going around trying to clear everything away for Monica.

Frank, John's dad, was sitting in the chair by the window watching Anna in the back garden. Monica watched her in complete awe. She envied the four year old for not understanding that John Doggett was never going to be in their lives again.

Dana was watching Monica as she looked at Anna, she wanted to tell her to go outside to her, but she didn't want to push her. She and Mulder had tried so hard to be supportive and help out with anything that they could, but all Dana knew was that Monica should be comforting her daughter.

Everybody was upset and felt terrible about what happened, and they all believed that they could each just as easily as the other have done more to prevent this from happening.

Monica stepped into the sun and it made her feel sick that nature wanted to be so happy and spread so much joy when she felt absolutely nothing for it. Anna's face lit up as she watched her mom walk towards her.

It was the first time her mom had shown her any attention in almost a week. Anna ran into her arms as Monica crouched low to the ground and she held onto the only part of John that she had left.

"Mommy, why is granpa Doggett so upset?"

"He misses your daddy, sweetheart."

"I miss him too."

Anna pulled back from Monica and Monica stroked the child's hair behind her ears. How could she not have done this sooner. What was she thinking to have let Anna live through these five days all alone. Monica smiled and picked Anna up so they could sit in the bench that Monica's father had made as a wedding gift to Monica and John almost six years ago.

"Daddy isn't coming home is he?"

Monica held Anna close and could do nothing but cry and Anna knew that this meant the answer to her question was no. She held onto her mom and wanted to make her feel better, but the only way she could do that was to bring her dad back, and she didn't know how to make that happen.

When William came outside to offer Anna a sweet she took one and then William offered her his hand as his parents came out to talk to Monica.

"Monica we're gonna go, we have to get back to my mom and Jack. If there's anything at all that you need..."

"I know, thank you so much for everything."

"Do you want us to take Anna again for you?"

"No. It's not fair on her, it's been five nights, she should be at home."

Dana smiled, she was relieved that Monica felt this way. She hugged Monica tightly and shed a silent tear for her friend as she spoke to her.

"Promise me you'll call if you need anything, or if you're lonely and just need to talk, promise me Monica."

"I promise."

Dana pulled free and stepped back as Mulder stood forward.

"We'll call you tomorrow ok?"

"Thanks."

He hugged her and kissed her cheek as Anna and William came back over. Anna looked confused as Monica picked her up.

"Is Uncle Fox my new daddy?"

Mulder blushed and Dana smiled at the innocence of the small child. Monica kissed Anna and shook her head.

"That's William's daddy. And he lives with Aunt Dana, you know that."

"But who will be my daddy?"

Monica put Anna down and told her to go and see her grandfather whilst she saw out Mulder and Dana. They went to the front door and William turned and hugged Monica as he was about to get into the car.

"I'm really sorry about Uncle John, Aunt Monica."

He got into the car and Monica gave false smiles as she waved them off and faced the prospect of going back into the house that would never feel like her home ever again.

June 24th
The X-Files office...

Monica sat at her desk twirling a pen around her fingers as she stared into nothing thinking about what had just happened. She very rarely lost her temper like that, but she couldn't stand the thought of being held responsible for an act that was being challenged as unjust or without cause. She knew it was wrong of her to try and disobey Skinner but she couldn't stop herself.

She thought that maybe if she could see Mia Dukes then they could talk and perhaps make her understand that Monica was just doing her job and at the time what she had seen as the right thing to do. She picked up the phone and called Mulder so that she could talk to Anna, when her familiar and happy voice came onto the other end of the phone she managed to finally smile and allowed herself to calm down a little.

"Hey baby, you havin' fun?"

"Yeah mommy, Jack threw his breakfast bowl on the floor and uncle Fox had to clean it up so he gave me and William some chocolate."

"Chocolate before 10am?"

"It was only a little bit... And then we played in the garden, but William wont let me play with his new remote control car."

"Well that's because it was a birthday present."

"But you and daddy bought it for him a long time ago..."

"It was last month sweetheart, maybe he'll let you play with it later."

As Monica continued to listen to her daughter John appeared in the door way and she knew it was wrong of her but she couldn't act friendly towards him after what happened upstairs. She said goodbye to Anna and put John on the phone.

"Daddy, can I have the same remote control car that you and mommy bought William for his birthday when it's my birthday?"

"You can have whatever you want sweetheart."

"Uncle Fox gave us chocolate... Hang on daddy he wants to talk to you."

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Dana there?"

John was about to say no when Dana walked into the office. He handed her the phone and told her that Mulder had been feeding the kids chocolate.

"You gave the kids chocolate, Mulder? Before 10am?"

"Do I count as a child?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Very funny. So what happened with Skinner?"

"It was about an old case that John and Monica worked on about eight years ago."

"Pre or post my funeral?"

"Post. And don't make jokes about that."

"Sorry. Can I help at all?"

"Maybe, I'll call you later."

"Ok."

"Kiss Jack for me."

"I will."

Dana put down the phone and looked at Monica, and then at John. Monica knew that they both had to leave and get on with their day but neither wanted to leave her alone or to make her think that they were working against her in any way.

"We'll fix this Monica, we're working for you not against you."

Monica politely nodded her head at Dana and then looked from her to John.

"You should probably both leave. Busy day ahead of you."

"You gonna be ok?" Monica looked at John and smiled.

"I'll be fine. Plenty to do down here."

John kissed Monica softly before walking out with Dana and setting off to see Mia Dukes. Monica would have given anything to be going with him.

Chapter 4

It was late and had long since turned dark outside. It was still warm and it made everybody feel sticky as they all sat in the living room with the windows wide open yet providing no fresh air. Monica had told her in-laws that they could leave but they had refused to let her be alone, when in all honesty that's all Monica wanted. To be alone with her thoughts and her daughter.

Anna had fallen asleep on her lap and Monica sat stroking her hair as she stared out of the window. Rosey was sitting with Kate and they were talking about Kate's job and how her life was going, Frank was still sitting in the same chair that he had sat down in when he first arrived at the house. He hadn't moved once, not for a drink or something to eat, not anything. And he hadn't taken his eyes from the back garden, despite the fact it was now almost eleven at night and pitch black.

When Rosey yawned Monica saw it as her final chance at getting them to leave. She had to do this first night alone with Anna, without someone else there to hold her up. She hadn't spent a night alone since John had died and she felt it would be the right step to take to take that night alone now, with Anna by her side.

The Doggett family agreed to leave. They were booked on a flight back to New York in two days and asked if they could come and spend time with Anna before leaving and Monica of course told them they could see her whenever they wanted. Rosey and Kate kissed her goodbye and kissed Anna as she lay sleeping on the sofa.

Frank never spoke a word and quietly walked out of the house without looking at Monica or his granddaughter. Monica didn't understand why, but she didn't want to question him either. After waving them all off she went back inside and suddenly couldn't feel the heat that was consuming the rest of the population. She was shivering and she was alone in a big family house.

She picked up Anna and carried her up to her room, she laid her on her bed and sat with her for a while before going into her own room to try and get some sleep. Everywhere she turned she saw John, she could feel him all around her and she wished for once that she wasn't so in tune with the part of her that felt those kinds of things.

John was dead she didn't want to think of him being somewhere else, being alone and waiting for her and his little girl, it was better if he was just gone, better for her to cope with anyway. If she could imagine that he was completely gone from her life rather than just in a different life and still able to communicate with her then it was easier. If she couldn't see, touch, and live with him, she didn't want to have anything to do with him at all.

As Monica continuously turned over and over again in bed she dreaded seeing the clock to check how long had passed since she last looked at the time. It was almost three in the morning and she wasn't even really tired. She was replaying the day over in her head; she had spoken to nobody at the funeral or anybody when they got home.

Was that wrong? Had she done the right thing? But then did it really even matter? As she lay contemplating this she didn't hear the floorboards creak in the next room and she didn't realise that Anna had appeared in the room until she was standing beside her mother. She frightened Monica as she had been startled and thought that it was John.

"Mommy, I can't sleep. Can I get in with you?"

"Sure you can baby, come on."

Monica threw back the thin sheet she had cast over herself as protection from all the things in the room that were John and she wrapped herself and Anna inside it again. She held Anna close and was now able to feel herself comfortable with sleeping.

June 24th
Silver Spring, Maryland...

John stepped out of his car and almost felt contempt in himself as he looked to the prospect of talking to the young girl that was accusing his wife of wrongfully killing her uncle.

He knew that Monica had done the right thing all those years ago, he remembered telling her that it was all over when he had stopped Katha Dukes from shooting Monica with her own gun.

He had found her on the ground and that was when he first remembered what working alongside Monica had been like for him. She had a contagious outlook on life and he had been able to move past his son's death because of her.

He had been confused about his feelings when she first joined him on the X- Files unit but now he couldn't have wished his life had turned out any differently.

He was so happy with how things were going that he half wanted to go back in time and shoot Jeb Dukes himself so that it wasn't Monica that was being held responsible for all of this.

He knocked on the door of the children's home that Mia Dukes had been taken to and hoped that he make her see the logic behind Monica's actions. He was introduced to a woman who worked in the home and she took him into her office where he was told to wait whilst the woman went to collect Mia to talk with him.

When Mia walked into the room he could still see the scared six-year-old he had seen all those years ago.

"Mia Dukes?"

"Yeah, and you're Agent Doggett. I remember you. But it wasn't you they said I could see. It was your partner. Reyes."

"Agent Reyes was unable to make it."

"Too afraid to face the person whose life she destroyed?"

"No, she wanted to come, but our superiors forbid her to. You have yourself to blame for that."

"How'd you figure?"

"Well if you hadn't decided to bring a law suit against her and the FBI then she'd be allowed to speak with you."

"If this is some kind of trick to get me to back off then forget it."

"It's not a trick. I just wanted to be honest with you, I thought you'd appreciate that."

Mia looked at John and was clearly trying to figure him out. She wanted to know what his motive was towards her, but she couldn't read him, she didn't like it.

"Look, I don't have to listen to you, or take any of your crap."

"I understand you've had a tough life..."

"A tough life? I'm fourteen years old, I've been in seven different foster homes, my mom's in a mental institute, thanks to your partner, I was in my uncle's arms when he was shot and murdered, by your partner, and I haven't seen my father since I was three years old. What was it you called all of that? A tough life? Wow. You're good at this."

Mia walked out of the room and John didn't do or say anything. He felt sorry for her and he didn't like it because he felt that this was a betrayal to Monica.

In seven years he had never found it so hard to separate his personal life from his work. And he began to wonder why Skinner had even called him, Dana and Monica in on it in the first place.

Chapter 5

When Monica woke up she had been dragged from a beautiful dream. It went without saying that of course John was in her dream. Just the two of them during those first few months of dating.

They had been the happiest couple in the world, so in tune with one another, so in love, and so they thought completely prepared for whatever the world was planning on throwing at them.

Monica turned over and looked at the tiny brunette sleeping next to her. She stroked her hair from her face and softly got out of bed to go into the bathroom.

She looked at her reflection and realised how terrible she looked Her tear stained face had remained so since the day John had died. She looked tired and her face was incredibly pale.

She hadn't eaten much in the past week and she wasn't even hungry for it. She threw cold water over her face and allowed the shock of the freezing wetness against her skin to wake her up and tell her that this was how it was going to be from now on. This was her life.

Monica went down the stairs and opened the back door. The sun was already out, and it was so warm that it was as if the sun had been out all night and that's why it was still so hot now. She made herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. She felt in the pocket of her jacket that was on the back of the chair and she pulled out the packet of cigarettes that she had bought two days ago.

She hadn't smoked one yet. But as she sat with them in her hands she wanted nothing more than to rip into them and allow her the indulgence that she had let go so many years ago.

As she stood outside smoking it was like she had never stopped. It eased her pain; it made her feel that maybe there was a way forward. But this was a cigarette, not a fairy godmother.

The only person who could make her life worthwhile now was herself. And her daughter, who she had left lying alone in bed. What was she going to do without John? He had been a parent before, and up until now she had relied on his previous experience as a parent to guide her in being a good mother. Now she had to figure out how to do that alone.

As Monica threw the half smoked cigarette into the bushes she heard the sound of tiny footsteps coming down the stairs so she quickly went inside and felt guilty for smoking when Anna came running over to her for a hug. She could smell the smoke on herself so she knew that Anna would be able to.

She didn't try to explain it to her, she was four years old, she had been told that smoking was bad for you, but she was too young for Monica and John to have gone into any great detail about the perils of smoking.

"I got scared when you weren't there..."

"I'm sorry baby, mommy needed some fresh air."

"Is granma and granpa Doggett coming today?"

Monica nodded her head and smiled slightly. Anna left her mother to go and get dressed, and Monica knew that her little girl would rather spend time with her grandparents that her mother because they knew what to do with the girl. Monica had no idea how to be a single parent. The thought of it terrified her.

As she listened to Anna walking around in her room Monica went outside and lit another cigarette. She hated John for leaving her alone like this. And she hated herself for feeling that way.

June 24th
Mulder Residence...

Monica pulled up outside the house and saw William watch her walk to the front door before he finally ran to be the one to open it.

"Hey aunt Monica, they're in the garden."

"Why aren't you in the garden too?"

"It was too hot. And Anna kept grabbing my remote control car."

"Sorry about that."

"It's ok. I'm gonna tell mom and dad to buy her one for her birthday."

William went back into the living room and Monica went outside to find Mulder struggling to keep tabs of the very fast on his wobbly legs two year old and the mischievous four-year-old he had been left looking after for the day. It was only two in the afternoon and he looked as if he was ready to give up for the day.

Anna came running over to her mom as soon as she saw her standing at the door.

"Mommy!"

"Hey baby, I hope you're not being too much trouble for Mulder?"

"Uncle Fox was trying to get Jack to stop picking out the flowers that aunt Dana's mom planted for them."

Anna was the only person who wouldn't call Mulder 'Mulder' it was always 'Fox'.

"And what were you doing?"

"Helping..."

Anna giggled and ran back to Jack who laughed when he bumped into her and Mulder walked over sighing.

"I gotta tell ya, this was so much easier when there was only one of them to keep tabs on. I can't believe that Jack can run faster than I can."

Monica laughed and the two of them went inside to sit down. Mulder made some coffee and was glad to be able to relax for a while.

"So, you missed out on Maryland?"

"Dana called you."

"Yeah. She thought you were pissed about what happened."

"You were there, you were trying to help me when I bought that case to the bureau. I did the right thing didn't I?"

"You mean shooting Jeb Dukes?"

Monica nodded her head.

"Well if you're already questioning it yourself it doesn't matter what I think."

"It matters to me."

Mulder looked at her and saw that she was desperate just to hear someone tell her that they would have done the same thing in her position.

"Monica, the guy had killed three people, he was holding his niece hostage and pointed a gun at Agent Doggett, he was resisting any kind of rational talk, you had no choice, your main concern was the safety of that little girl. You did the right thing."

Monica smiled slightly and was surprised at how badly this was getting to her. She wasn't usually this easily thrown and upset about something. But she had taken that case personal. She had upset John for it, she had saved a little girls life, and she had been concussed by a fire extinguisher, not your average day at work.

What scared her most was that she knew she was a strong person and that if she was having doubts it was with good reason, and it was that she was concerned she hadn't done the right thing.

"Look, the bureau have dealt with bigger piles of crap than this before, hell they had to put up with me for ten years, it'll blow over."

"I just hate that I feel so bad about this. I feel as if I'm being punished."

Mulder nodded his head; he knew exactly what it was like to be exiled from your work because you were under investigation.

"It'll be fine Monica, just watch your back. If the bureau is looking into this, it might turn up things about your private life. The fact that you're married to John Doggett and have a daughter together would not go down well."

"John and I have been together for years, and Anna is four years old, they'd have noticed by now if they were going to notice at all."

"Lets hope you're right."

Chapter 6: Part 6

Dana picked up the phone and was in no mood to hear Skinner's voice on the other end trying to talk to her in a matter of fact way that she had no time for. She wasn't due back at work until the day after and she was looking forward to being with her family for the day.

But it wasn't her that the call was about. He wanted to warn her in advance that the powers that be were not impressed with Monica and John's relationship and the extent to which they had become involved with each other.

"They were married Sir, I don't see what the problem is."

"You don't get it do you?"

"So the bureau doesn't like agents to get too familiar with each other, they were married for almost six years working in that office and the bureau looked the other way rather than making a big deal out of it, what's the problem now that they can never work together again?"

Dana knew that she was getting angry and it was wrong to over the phone, but she wished Skinner would just come to the point.

"Agent Reyes is looking at losing her job over this."

"What?"

"I know, I'm trying my best to work a way out of this for her, but the fact of the matter is John's little outburst before he got shot has reached a lot of important people's eyes and ears. She's in a lot of trouble."

Dana couldn't believe what she was hearing and she couldn't believe that these were the kind of people she worked for. It was ridiculous, and if she couldn't hold the entire government accountable for their stupid rules then she would find someone that she could.

"For God's sakes don't tell Monica."

"I don't plan to, but they wanna move this fast, and we don't even know when she plans on coming back to work."

"Her husband just got killed sir, allow her the time she needs to grieve. If you tell her this then you may as well be pulling a gun at her too. Please, keep this to yourself."

"I'll try, but if she doesn't hear about it from someone she can trust, then she's going to take it much harder from someone else."

Dana put down the phone and Mulder softly rubbed her back as he lay beside her in bed.

"Skinner?"

"Yeah."

"Is everything ok?"

"Not really. I have to go and see Monica."

Monica had somehow managed to get dressed and make her way into the living room where Anna was watching TV. When Anna heard her mother coming into the room she turned the TV off and sat quietly on the floor holding a doll. John had bought it for her a few months ago, she loved it and it went everywhere with her, and now it was a part of dad that she could hold onto forever.

Monica walked into the room and tried to think positive. But she had heard the TV go off and was now paranoid that her daughter was afraid of upsetting her and so was going to be as quiet as a mouse all day until she snapped out of it. She went to sit beside her and Anna didn't look up from her doll.

"Anna, I'm sorry if I haven't been a very good mom these past few days. It's just that I miss your dad, and I'm not sure how to be a good mom without him to help me."

"I'm scared that I wont be a good girl without him to tell me when I'm doing something wrong. I want to be good mommy. I don't like that you cry so much."

Monica took Anna into her arms and hugged her as she cried again.

"I don't like that I cry either baby."

As they sat together on the floor they didn't hear the car that pulled up outside or see Dana step out of it looking very pale at the thought of what she had come here to talk about.

June 24th
Doggett residence...

"Mon? Are you home? Anna?"

"Up here!"

Doggett went up the stairs to find Monica and Anna sitting in his and Monica's bedroom reading a book. Anna jumped up at her father's voice and met him half way for a hug as he picked her up and carried her back into the bedroom. He sat down with her and kissed Monica as Anna sat beside him.

"Where've you been daddy?"

"Working sweetheart, and it is way past your bedtime!"

"No it isn't..."

"I think it is..."

"But mommy was reading the next chapter..."

"Well how about you go and get ready for bed and I'll send mommy to finish reading to you in a few minutes ok?"

Anna reluctantly agreed with her father and slid off the bed to go to her own room. Monica looked at John and he smiled.

"I'm sorry I'm so late. I wanted to see Skinner when I got back from Maryland but he's been giving me the run around all afternoon."

"Why?"

"Hell if I know!"

"No I mean, why'd you want to see him?"

John looked at her with his big blue eyes and her heart melted. She was trying to be strong about this whole Mia Dukes thing, but it was driving her crazy that she and her own husband hadn't been able to talk about it yet.

"I went to see him because I don't understand why he had Dana and I lookin' into this case. It's not right, he's the only one in the entire FBI who knows we're married and yet he gives me this case that he knows I'm gonna find difficult."

"It's your job John. You leave your personal life at the door. We said we'd be able to do that, that's why we got married."

"We got married because I love you, and I can't leave you at the door when you're involved in a case. Skinner's outta line with this one. And I'm so sorry I didn't say that this morning instead of running off doing as I'm told."

"It's good that you did. Did you meet Mia Dukes?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And, she's an angry teenager with an axe to grind, she has no case against you Mon, anyone can see that."

For some reason hearing John say that everything would be ok worked better than anyone else telling her that and to his great relief she smiled at him. He took the book out of her hands and kissed her as he reached to unbutton her shirt.

"John..."

"What... I've been thinkin' about this all day, I hate it when I don't see you..."

He continued to work his way down the buttons of her shirt as he kissed her and Monica was finding it incredibly hard to remember why this wasn't appropriate behaviour right now.

"Mommy! I'm waiting!"

John rolled over onto the bed and Monica laughed. She got up and fastened her shirt and kissed John before walking out of the room to read to their daughter. As soon as Anna was asleep, she was going right back...

Chapter 7

Monica opened the door to Dana and smiled. They went into the living room and Anna jumped up to give Dana a hug.

"Hey, how are you sweetie?"

"Is William with you?"

"No he's at home with his... With Uncle Fox..."

Anna didn't hide her disappointment at having to keep herself amused whilst the two women talked, she went up to her room and made a point of closing the door loud enough for them to hear her do so.

Dana looked at Monica and was trying so hard to figure out what she was going to say to her. Maybe telling her about Skinner's call wasn't the right thing to do after all...

"Dana what's wrong?"

Dana looked to the floor before she spoke and only looked back at Monica's face when she had finished talking.

"I had a phone call from Skinner this morning. There's some trouble at the bureau about your relationship with John."

"What are you talking about?"

"They're concerned that if they let this slip under the carpet then other people will try and do the same. They're serious about this Monica."

"How do they even know?"

Dana was confused until she realised that Monica hadn't heard what John said before he ran to protect her from his would be killer. She had missed out on him opened his heart to a van full of FBI agents prepared to lose his job over it just to save her.

"He lost his temper in the van before he ran out after you that day... The deputy director told him to stay put, that you knew what you were doing... John told everybody that you were his wife. And that you had a daughter together... I'm so sorry Monica."

Monica didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He wasn't even around anymore and yet John was leaving his presence clearly felt. But she couldn't lose her job. Not now.

"How can this matter? John's gone. Why is this even an issue?"

"Because you got away with it for six years... They've been made fools of..."

"And they want to make an example of me?"

"Something like that..."

"I see..."

Monica stood up and grabbed her jacket; she called Anna down the stairs and went back into Dana.

"Can you take Anna for me?"

Dana stood up surprised but agreed to help.

"Where are you going?"

"To see Skinner."

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?"

"No. But I'm sick of people telling me that things are gonna get easier, they sure as hell wont if I'm unemployed."

Anna came walking into the room with a red face and puffy eyes, she had been crying, again.

"Baby Dana's going to take you to stay with her whilst mommy takes care of something important ok?"

Anna nodded her head and took Dana's hand. It broke Monica's heart, but she had only herself to blame. John had been dead for six days now and already their daughter was drifting away from her too. She didn't wait for anything else, she walked out of the house and Dana picked up Anna as she stared so carefully after her mom wishing more than anything that she was going with her.

June 25th
Doggett residence...

Monica rolled over in bed and John was already awake. He was leaning on the back of the bed watching her, and when she looked at him he smiled.

"Mornin'."

Monica yawned.

"Morning... What time is it?"

"It's early. But seein as we're both awake..."

"Again?! John, twice last night..."

"Can't a man make love to his wife without it being a big deal?"

Monica laughed as John began kissing her. She glanced at the clock, it was six thirty, they had at least an hour before they needed to get up and get ready for work. What the hell, it wasn't very often they could get away with this kind of thing with a four-year-old sleeping in the next room...

Anna came running into the room very much unannounced and didn't bat an eyelid as her parents fumbled around under the sheets before smiling at her.

"The one day she decides to get up early..."

Monica laughed at John's exclamation of disappointment and Anna jumped up onto the bed.

"Mommy, am I going to stay with Uncle Fox today?"

"You are, but only if you promise to be good."

"I'm always good..."

Monica got out of the bed and went into the bathroom. She could hear John making small talk with Anna and her giggles every now and again. It was music to her ears. When she walked back into the bedroom Anna jumped up and announced that she was going to get dressed. Monica sat down at her dressing table to make herself look presentable for the day. John stood up behind her and put his arms around her.

"I think we should go out."

"Where?"

"I don't know, just out, one evening this week. Dana will take Anna for us, I miss not being able to have you all to myself."

Monica smiled and John knew he was a very lucky guy. Any man would have given his right arm to be where he was right now, but Monica had chosen him, she had fallen in love with him and they were a family. But he wanted just one night alone with her, to not have to get up for work, or to put their daughter to bed.

"So whad'ya say? If I arrange it may I take Mrs. Doggett out on a date?"

Monica laughed.

"Yes."

John kissed her and she turned around to face him as he crouched down on the floor to be level with her as she was seated. As they sat kissing they were rudely interrupted by the telephone ringing and John got up to answer it.

"John Doggett... Yes sir... I understand... Is that really necessary?... Can I ask why you wouldn't see me yesterday?... I see... Yeah... Whatever you say sir."

John put down the phone and looked at Monica, she was already looking at him waiting to hear what had made him so sarcastic to the person on the phone.

"That was Skinner. You've got a meeting with a lawyer this morning at eleven."

"What?"

"I know, this is crazy. He says it's precautionary. In case somebody decides to take up Mia Dukes case."

"I don't believe this."

John walked back over to Monica as she stood up.

"It'll be ok Mon, I promise."

"How do you know that? You don't..."

"I do. This crap needs to end. And I'll make sure it does."

Monica draped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"My hero."

They both smiled and parted to finish getting ready for work. But no matter how much either of them smiled, this wasn't just going to blow over.

Chapter 8

When Dana walked into the house with Anna Mulder knew that the meeting with Monica hadn't exactly gone as planned. Anna sat down quietly to watch the TV and Dana went into the kitchen with Mulder.

"What happened?"

"She's gone to see Skinner."

"Now?"

"Yeah. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stop her. This isn't right Mulder. They can't do this to her."

"You and I both know that they can and they will."

"She's a six day widowed single mom. If she loses her job after this I'm not sure I'd be able to go back myself."

"Well now there's a scary thought. One of us has to work."

"I know. But I miss being at home with you and the boys."

"Well if you were home, I'd have to work, so we still wouldn't see each other."

"I know. I'm just being overly emotional. It's been a tough week."

"Yeah, I know."

Monica sat patiently waiting for Skinner to get a moment to talk with her. He wanted more than anything to put it off for as long as he could, but he knew that Monica must have a dozen places she would rather be. It was wrong of him to keep her waiting.

"Agent Reyes, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting have a seat."

Monica sat down and Skinner looked at her as if he wanted to be her friend and her boss. But Skinner had cut himself off from being friends with any of the X-File employees, past and present, to save his own ass and avoid the questions that he had spent nine years trying to answer.

"I assume Agent Scully has informed you of the situation here?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I can do."

"Do they know that you knew about it?"

For a second Skinner looked terrified as if Monica had threatened to drop him in it.

"No they don't."

"I see. So you'll still have a job at the end of the day."

"Agent Reyes, you're not losing your job, at least not today."

"Are you seriously telling me that they want to punish me now? After six years?"

"I know it's ridiculous they're claiming ignorance to having known anything about it. The good news is the rules are a little more relaxed, things changed a little when an assistant director moved in with another agent after dating for two years. It's almost as if they don't mind now as long as you don't make a bid deal out of it like..."

"Like John did?"

"There were a lot of agents in that van Agent Reyes. But times change, I'm hoping they'll let this go."

"I see. So what happens now?"

"There's a meeting this afternoon to discuss what actions are thought to be appropriate. You'll get a call by the end of the day either way. Agent Reyes..."

"Look, I just lost the only man in the world that I have ever loved and I have to now bring up our daughter all by myself and watch her disappointed face every time he doesn't walk through the door after work each night. So I don't have the time or the energy to worry about a job that I'm being as good as told I'm going to lose anyway. I just can't fight for this right now. I don't want to."

Monica stood up and walked to the door, she couldn't look back, if she looked back she'd cry.

"Agent Reyes. I'm very sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry for the bureaus loss. They've lost a fine agent, and I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure they don't lose another one."

Monica walked out of the room and almost ran to her car so that she could cry in private.

June 25th
Skinner's Office...

"I don't care what your rules or paperwork say! I don't want them in here talking to her like she's a criminal! She was doing her job, and there isn't an agent who wouldn't have done the same thing in her position!"

"Agent Doggett, I appreciate you're in a difficult position here..."

"No, you are, because you're covering up our relationship! You had no right to put me in this position! Why'd you even give me this case? What the hell were you thinking?"

"The order on who was dealt this case didn't come from me! It came from the deputy director."

"Why?"

"I don't know! If I did I'd figure out how to change it. But you just have to sit tight and see this through."

"The hell I do."

"What else do you suggest I do?"

"I don't give a crap what you do, but I'm not working this case."

"Agent Doggett..."

"No! I don't care whose ass you have to suck up to, you get me off this case, and you get it dealt with because its all BS and you know it."

"This doesn't change that Agent Reyes has to meet with our lawyers."

"No. But it changes the fact that I can support my wife instead of my partner."

John walked out of the office and headed straight for elevator. He had told Monica he was going to the bathroom, but he'd taken a detour to Skinner's office to tell him what he thought of the situation he had put John in. Well that was it, it was over. He was here for Monica now, not the bureau.

"Hey, I thought you'd got lost."

"Yeah I umm, I stopped by Skinner's office..."

"John..."

"It's ok..."

"What have you done?"

"Nothin'! I'm off the case."

"You are?"

"Yeah. I told him I'm not doing it."

"But it's not your decision what case gets handed to you John. This was an x-file, there's no one else that can take it."

John sat down and sighed, he felt as if he couldn't win.

"I know you were only trying to help, but if you piss Skinner off then it wont help either of us."

She stood up and walked over to John's desk. She sat down and took his hand.

"I love that you tried, and I love even more that you care so passionately."

"It's not my job to love you Monica, I don't have a choice in that, and I wouldn't choose to feel any differently. But whilst I can try and be as discreetly supportive as possible at work, I will be."

John kissed Monica and she got lost in the moment before remembering that they were at work. John was right, Skinner was wrong to be dividing them on this. As they pulled away from their kiss John hugged Monica and Dana came into the office looking embarrassed.

"Sorry..."

"No it's fine. What's wrong?"

"Well, I finished my autopsy reports on Mia Dukes' foster parents. I think you should both take a look at this."

Chapter 9

When Monica arrived to collect Anna, Dana opened the front door to Monica with a warm smile and both women walked into the living room. Mulder was on the couch with Jack and stood up when they walked in and placed Jack in his playpen.

"How'd it go?"

"Well there'll be a call to tell my fate by the end of the day."

"Monica, what they're doing to you it stinks."

"Yeah."

"I don't understand why they're doing this, an assistant director is living with his girlfriend, she's an Agent with the bureau!"

Dana looked at Mulder and he blushed.

"I have an ear for gossip, just because I don't work at the FBI doesn't mean I don't know what goes on."

Dana smiled and turned back to Monica.

"We're here if you need anything Monica, and I'll back you up at work."

"I know. You don't know how big a part of me wanted to quit on the spot. I can't fight for a job that helped to kill John. I've got other things to worry about and I'd gladly never step foot in the FBI again."

Dana was shocked by Monica's attitude towards the possibility of losing her job. Yes there were more important things, but Monica needed her job, whether she knew it now or not she would when it was time to think about paying bills. Dana looked at Mulder and he didn't know what to say to either of the women. He and Dana had their own news for Monica, and she knew it when the awkward silence persisted.

"What's going on? Where's Anna, is she ok?"

"She's fine, she's with William up stairs."

Dana couldn't get any more words out. She didn't know what to say or how to say it. Mulder saw how uncomfortable she was and stepped forward to take the lead.

"When Anna first got here she was upset so she went to play in William's room and he came down the stairs and asked me if I could me Anna's dad. He said that he didn't like seeing Anna upset all of the time and that he thought it would cheer you up. We thought that you should know..."

Monica tried to smile but couldn't quite get it right.

"Where's Anna now?"

"Up stairs."

"Can I go and get her?"

"Sure."

Monica walked out of the room and Dana sat down heavily and sighed. Mulder sat beside her and kissed her as he put his arm around her to comfort her. He hoped for all of their sakes that this got easier, and soon.

When Monica got to William's room she could hear talking so she didn't go inside right away.

"But he didn't say no..."

"I know..."

"I don't mind..."

"You already share your dad with Jack..."

"My mom'll talk him into it, she can get him to do anything she wants."

"But I don't want your dad I want my dad."

"I know. But if you like, you can share mine... Jack wont mind. He likes you."

"My mom cries all the time. I don't think she likes to be with me 'cause I look like my dad."

Monica couldn't listen to anymore and she went into the room, Anna ran into her mother's arms as she scooped her into the air and went back down the stairs and into the front room.

"We're gonna take off, thanks again for taking Anna."

Dana and Mulder stood up and went to the door with Monica.

"Anytime. And Monica we're here if you need anything at all, just call ok?"

"Yeah. See ya."

Monica was trying to hide how much overhearing Anna and William had upset her, she fastened Anna into the car and quickly sped off. They were going home.

June 25th
The X-Files office...

"So, they were murdered? We knew that already."

"You're missing my point."

John was trying to see what it was that Dana was suspicious about in her autopsy findings; she shouldn't even have been showing him the reports they should have gone straight to Skinner.

"Do you know how many kids were living with that family? Mr and Mrs. Gooding had two children of their own and four foster kids."

"Full house."

"Yeah, now whilst the cause of death was a fatal blow to the head for both victims, Mr and Mrs. Gooding were injected with lethal doses of insulin."

"Diabetes medicine?"

"Yes. Now when I spoke to the detective on the case he said they found no signs of syringes at the crime scene but there were syringes in the bathroom."

"And what? Nobody in the house was a diabetic?"

"Well, no, their daughter, Casey is, she's sixteen and is the only one in the house with diabetes."

"So what you think the daughter did it?"

"No, but I think that someone in that house could have done it..."

"I never thought I'd see the day. Dana Mulder pointing the finger at a group of kids for murder."

"I point where the evidence tells me to point John. The detective on the case found discarded needles in the trash in the bathroom, they pulled four sets of prints from the lid of the bin and are running them against any they find on the needle with the rest of the family."

"That still doesn't prove anything."

"I spoke with Casey Gooding this morning, she said that everybody but her parents went out that evening to give them some time alone on their wedding anniversary. It was a last minute thing, and the only people that knew were those kids. Somebody in or close to that family knows something about this. The detective is calling your office as soon as he has something."

"Somebody needs something 'cause we don't have much of anything right now."

John stopped to think and realised that he and Dana had been passing sentences for a while now and Monica had remained quiet. She was staring into space thinking.

"Monica?"

Monica looked at Dana and then to John as she processed who had called her name.

"Yeah?"

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking. I don't think anybody in the house killed the parents."

"You can't know that Monica."

"Yes I can. I did some checking up of my own when I was stuck down here yesterday, the daughter Casey is a straight A student who doesn't have a mark against her name, the boy Daniel is twelve and the most polite soccer player you could meet by all accounts, aside from Mia Dukes the other kids are Adam Davies, sixteen, Michael Dyson, ten, and Lucy Collier, also ten. None of these kids have committed a crime here. The only person I'm not so sure about is Mia Dukes. Which is why you're gonna cover for me whilst I go and see her."

"Monica no..."

"I have to. Then I can tell you whether your killer is from the house or not. Trust me."

Monica grabbed her jacket and walked out before anybody could try and stop her.

"Monica! What about the lawyers!"

John swore under his breath and Dana looked at him.

"Shouldn't you go after her?"

"I know what this is. She thinks that she's connected to this case and this kid Mia Dukes. She's gonna try and use her personal strengths, the feelings she gets to try and figure the kid out and thinks she can save the day. When all she'll probably end up doing is getting herself killed."

Chapter 10

Present day...

Monica had parked the car and picked up Anna before she even noticed her in-laws waiting for her at the front door. She didn't know why but she had the overwhelming compulsion to ask them to give her some space. She had begun to wonder if it was the fact she had been constantly surrounded by people that she was having difficulties in being with Anna. If she didn't try and make Anna feel secure and happy now then she would always have a guilty conscience and know that she had been a terrible mother.

Anna was her whole world, she was the only piece of John that she had left, and Anna had seen this as a bad thing. Well it was up to Monica to change it, she had to make Anna see that she was relieved she had her in her life, that she was glad whenever she looked into her eyes she would see John. It was the closest she would ever get to having his big blue eyes look at her again.

Monica opened the door without saying anything and Rosey and Frank Doggett followed her inside. They all went into the kitchen and Monica sat down on a chair with Anna on her lap. Anna looked from each of the grown ups to the other. She was waiting for her mom to send her outside or to her room, but she didn't. In fact she was holding onto her pretty tightly and Anna couldn't help but hold onto her mom that little bit tighter in return.

When Monica felt Anna's grip on her tighten she knew that she wanted to spend as much time with her little girl as possible, but she also knew that for the rest of the day that meant spending time with John's parents too. If that's what she had to do then so be it.

"Monica sweetheart, how are you?"

"I'm doin' ok Rosey. Did you get to your hotel ok last night?"

"Yes no problems, it was nice wasn't it Frank?"

Frank nodded his head slightly but didn't say anything. Monica still wanted to know what was wrong with him and why he was so determined to not talk to her or even look at her.

"Listen, we'd love to take Anna for the day if it's ok with you? I'm sure you'd appreciate some time to yourself."

Anna looked up at Monica pleading with her in a look to not let her be alone again. Because no matter who was around Anna and showing her affection, if her mom wasn't there it didn't matter anymore, not now her dad was gone. Monica knew exactly what Anna was thinking; it was her job to.

"Actually I'd hoped to spend some time with Anna myself, so if you'd like to spend the day with the both of us that'd be great."

Rosey smiled and looked delighted that Monica would be joining them. She took Anna's hand and they went up stairs to get some things to take out with them. Monica looked at Frank as he sat and stared out of the window again.

"Frank, is everything ok?"

He looked at her and she was sure that he almost had a look of hate in his eyes as he began to speak.

"It breaks my heart to see that little girl so upset. John loved her so much, and you... He

adored you, he'd have walked on water for you."

"I know."

"He died for you."

Monica looked at Frank and was surprised by his comment. His expression hadn't changed and it startled her. She stood up and walked to the window.

"I'm fully aware of why John died. I don't need you to remind me, and if you're trying to say in a not so subtle way that you think I should have taken the bullet in stead of him, then consider yourself heard, loud and clear."

Monica walked out of the room and went up to see what was keeping Anna. Frank watched her go and was angry with himself for letting things get so out of hand. He didn't wish Monica dead anymore than his son. That was one of the things he was struggling to deal with.

June 25th, Silver Spring Maryland...

Monica stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. Suddenly rushing off to Maryland didn't seem like it had been such a good idea. She looked around at the houses in the area, she could see the children's home and wondered if Mia Dukes would ever be there, she didn't know if she would have been moved to another family or if she was out anywhere. Well, there was only one way to find out and it wasn't by standing around doing nothing.

She knocked softly on the door, almost as if she was hoping she had knocked quiet enough to not be heard so she could sneak off, but someone did hear her, and it didn't take long for a young boy to let her in.

"Hi, my names Monica Reyes, I'm from the FBI, is there somebody in charge that I can talk to?"

"Are you here about Mr and Mrs. Gooding?"

"Yes, did you know the family?"

"I'm Michael Dyson. I was living with them until..."

"It's ok."

Monica watched as the small ten year old shuffled uncomfortably around before he

spoke again.

"I'd lived with them since I was seven. And now they wont let any of us see Casey or Daniel... Are you here to talk to Mia?"

"Yes, how did you..."

"Another agent came yesterday, she's causing trouble for another FBI agent, it's you isn't it?"

Monica smiled at the boy's smart intuition about people.

"Yeah."

"Will you catch whoever killed the Gooding's?"

"I hope so."

Michael smiled at Monica and led her into the office that John had been in the day before. He said he'd get Mia for her so she looked around and picked up a file she noticed on the desk. It was about Casey and Daniel Gooding, the authorities were having trouble tracking down a relative for them to stay with and there was no room for them to stay much longer in the children's home. Monica was about to read further into it when Mia Dukes walked into the room.

Monica couldn't believe how much she looked exactly how she had eight years ago. The same six-year-old girl looked at her with pure hatred in her eyes.

"Mia Dukes?"

"Yeah. And you're Agent Monica Reyes of the FBI."

Monica tried to smile but thought that the girl would find it insulting so she did nothing.

"I'm sorry about the Gooding's. Had you been with them for long?"

"About eight months. Seven homes in eight years, I guess the next one will make it eight for eight."

"I was sorry to hear that you blamed me for your circumstances."

"My circumstances? Tell me, have you ever had to visit your mother in a mental institution? Have you ever lived with anyone but your parents? Have you ever been in somebody's arms as they had a bullet fired into them?"

Monica didn't know what to say. This was not how she had wanted things to go, but then maybe it was naïve of her to think that she would be able to reason with Mia.

"No."

"No. So don't patronize me with your apologies. I'll see to it that you pay for what you did. But I gotta say, I'm impressed you came. Your partner said you'd be told to stay away from me. Are you breaking rules to be here?"

"I'm disobeying an order. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was rule breaking."

"I see. So what can I do for you Agent Reyes? Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you. I wanted to try and understand how you were feeling. I wanted to

eliminate you as a suspect in the murder of your foster parents."

"I'm a suspect?"

"You could be. My partner and a friend of ours think that someone in the house was behind the murders."

"They got evidence of that?"

"Some."

"Well I didn't kill anyone. I'm sure you'd recognise the signs of a killer, you see one

whenever you look in a mirror. But enough about me how'd life work out for you Agent Reyes? You got any kids to screw up? You married?"

"I have a daughter. Anna"

"And how old is Anna?"

"Four. She'll be five in August."

"Sweet. I remember being five. I remember being at home with my mom and my uncle. Lets hope that Anna has a better life after age five than I did. What about marriage?"

Monica didn't want to tell Mia anymore about herself. Especially not about John, if she found out they were married she could cause a lot of problems.

"Look, I don't think that this is any of your business. I came here to talk to you and to

apologise. I don't want to fight."

"Well that's too bad, because I don't want to be friends."

Monica was about to talk again when her cell phone rang. She took it out and answered it whilst watching Mia.

"Reyes."

"Monica it's me."

"John?"

"You gotta get back here, Skinner knows where you are and he's covering your ass but he's pissed at you."

"I'm on my way." Monica hung up the phone and Mia smiled.

"Busted. Oh well, it was great seeing you Monica, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again in the not so distant future."

Chapter 11

Present Day...

Rosey Doggett knew that something was wrong with her husband when he wouldn't hold Anna's hand walking through the park, and he wouldn't join in any conversations with Monica. And Monica looked as if she felt awkward around him. As if she wasn't quite sure what to say or how to act. Rosey had wanted them to spend this day together and try and be a family.

When she and Frank were back in New York she didn't know how long it would be until she next saw Monica or her granddaughter. It broke her heart that John wouldn't be calling her to organise for them to come and visit. Rosey and Frank Doggett would now be the kind of grandparents that only saw their grandchildren at Christmas and on birthdays.

Monica had felt something change inside her, something somewhere had woken up within her and told her to think of Anna. To make her the number one priority in her life. As Monica's daughter Anna was already her number one priority, but so was John. Now he was gone, and Anna was still here and still needed her mom, more than ever. Monica had gone from not being able to look at Anna to not letting her out of her sight overnight.

She had always believed that there was a deep connection between a mother and her daughter, a connection that went deeper that genes or how well they got along with one another, it was an invisible connection that you could just feel, you just knew that it was there and that it was special. Well Monica wasn't going to let that change, she wanted to be close to Anna, she wanted to show Anna that even though mom's cry, they still love their children.

Whilst walking through the park after having lunch at Anna's favourite diner, she ran

ahead and played on the climbing frame whilst her mom and grandparents sat down on a bench.

"Oh Monica, I'm going to miss you both so much. I only wish our being here these past five days had been under happier circumstances."

"Me too."

"You know that you can call Frank and I anytime, day or night, and if you need us we'll be on the first flight."

"Steady Rosey, I have to think of work you know."

"Frank! This is your family."

"Yeah, and I need my job."

Rosey looked embarrassed by her husband and only Monica knew that his problem was his family. That he had lost his son instead of his daughter in law.

"What time is your flight?"

"Ten thirty tomorrow morning. Can we stop by to say goodbye?"

"I'll drive you to the airport."

"No Monica, we couldn't ask you to do that..."

"I insist. It's not a problem."

Rosey smiled and put her hand on Monica's face.

"You're a very special woman Monica Doggett. Isn't she Frank?"

Frank looked at his wife and then at Monica. He couldn't say anything so he just sort of nodded his head and then turned back to watching Anna. Monica was hurt by his behaviour towards her but there was nothing she could do about it. She turned to look at Anna and suddenly had a bad feeling in her stomach.

She stood up and Rosey did the same wondering what was wrong.

"Monica what is it?"

"She's too high, oh God Anna, be careful... please be careful..."

Her gut feeling paid off as Anna suddenly lost her grip and fell from the climbing frame to the ground below her. Monica felt sick as she ran over to her baby girl wondering what on earth she had done to deserve these things to be happening to her.

June 25th
Mulder Residence...

John had been standing at the window for over twenty minutes waiting for Monica to arrive. It was almost five o'clock and she had called to say she'd meet him to pick Anna up but there was no sign of her and he was getting worried. He didn't know why but for some reason being married to Monica made him worry about her more, made him worry about losing her now that he could lay a claim to her. He had been angry that she had gone off like that not thinking about the repercussions. But now all he wanted was for her to get there so they could go home.

A little before six Monica pulled up on the front and got out of the car. She didn't even

knock on the door before it flew open with a very pale-faced John standing on the other side.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been going out of my mind here!"

"I just needed some time to think, about this case... And then there was some bad traffic, why all the worrying? What's going on, is Anna ok?"

"She's fine. She's fine... I'm sorry."

John hugged Monica and she was surprised by his behaviour as she softly hugged him back. She had never known him to get worried about her like this before they had got married and had Anna. It was sweet, and she loved that he cared so much, but sometimes she worried that he worried too much.

"So what happened in Maryland?"

Dana and Mulder had come to the door having heard Monica's voice.

"Nothing. She hates me, and I didn't pick up anything about her having killed her foster

parents. I think you're wrong about it being an inside job."

John looked at Dana and then back at Monica.

"Mon, the prints on the syringes from the Gooding's bathroom were a match to Mia Dukes. They also found traces of her blood in the trash at the back of the house. I guess they fought back."

"I don't believe it."

"It's true Monica, I spoke to the detective myself and he said they were on their way to

question Mia, I guess you must have just missed them when you left."

Dana was trying to be supportive but in a matter of fact way that told Monica she was only doing this because it was her job. Monica couldn't help but take this personally. And she refused to believe that Mia Dukes had committed murder.

As they all stood staring at one another in the doorway Anna came running down the stairs and to her mom.

"Hey baby, you ready to go home?"

"Uh huh."

Monica picked her up and looked at John, he didn't know what else he could say. The

evidence was there, and he hated it when Monica ignored the evidence because of how she felt personally. Monica walked out to the car and John looked at Dana.

"I'm sorry Dana, thanks for having Anna again Mulder."

"Anytime."

John walked out to the car and Dana and Mulder went back inside. This was far from

over.

Chapter 12

Present Day...

Monica had been in the hospital waiting room for over an hour. Nobody had been to talk to her, and she was beginning to get angry at the ignorance the hospital staff was showing her. Anna had been fully conscious but shaken up and upset when they had brought her to the hospital.

Monica had been more distraught than the small child and now she was being left to worry about all the things that could have been going wrong whilst her daughter was being checked over. She had called Dana in the hope that she could get somebody to talk to her, but even Dana had been gone for over half an hour trying to find out some news.

Rosey and Frank were sitting patiently and John's sister had arrived a few minutes earlier

after getting a call from her mother about Anna's fall. Monica didn't care who was sat around her, or who offered her coffee or comforting words. She wanted to see Anna.

Dana appeared around a corner and Monica leapt up from her seat so fast that she startled

everyone around her.

"Dana, where is she I want to see her."

"She's fine. It's ok."

"Really?"

"Yes, she's sprained her ankle and bruised her arm pretty badly, but nothing's broken and she's doing fine."

Monica put her hand to her mouth to stop herself form exclaiming her relief. She

couldn't help but cry and Dana put her arms around her to try and ease her load. But the truth was Dana couldn't believe what Monica was going through. This was more than bad luck. Monica was her best friend and she couldn't bear seeing her like this.

"Come on, let me take you to see her."

Dana led Monica to the children's ward and the rest of the family held back to give her some space. Monica couldn't help laughing as she saw Anna playing on a computer game in her bed surrounded by toys and bright colours.

"Hey baby."

"Mommy!"

Monica walked over and Anna threw her arms around her mom before realising it would

hurt so much. She pulled back the arm she had bruised and Monica took her into her own arms.

"I'm sorry I fell mommy. Was it really high?"

"Higher than your... than your dad lets you climb..."

"I know... Can I tell you a secret? I went higher because daddy wasn't there. And then I felt bad and wanted to get down but I couldn't so I let go..."

"It's ok baby, it's all going to be ok. I promise."

Monica rocked Anna in her arms and Anna smiled as she looked at Dana and Dana smiled back. She was so relieved that everything was ok. When Monica had called her she had been in such a terrible state, she'd been lucky though, at least this time...

June 26th
Doggett Residence...

Monica hadn't slept well and she was sure that she had kept John awake tossing and turning in bed. But all she could think about was Mia and how hard her life had been to her. No matter how she fought at the thought she had done the wrong thing in shooting Jeb Dukes, it was getting harder and harder for her to believe that she had done the right thing.

When she sat up to get up and get ready for work John took her arm and she turned to look at him. They hadn't spoken about Mia since getting home the night before, and Monica had spent the evening reading to Anna so as not to have to talk to John.

"Mon, are we going to talk about this?"

"About what?"

"Don't do that, don't treat me like an idiot. I know you're thinking about her. I know that's

why you didn't sleep. If you can't talk to me then who can you talk to?"

Monica sighed and lay back against the bed.

"I can't help it. I just keep seeing her in my head, and I can hear her crying eight years ago as Jeb Dukes held her against him. She didn't kill those people John, I don't care what the evidence says."

"I know. If there's one thing that I've learnt it's that you know people. And I won't argue

that, but I also know that there has to be a reason for the evidence, whether it clears a

suspect or not. There is a reason for why Mia Dukes' prints were on the syringes, and why her blood was found in the trash."

Monica looked at John and then looked out of the window.

"She hated me John, she really hated me."

"The she's a fool."

John sat up and pulled Monica closer to him. She was glad for the closeness and the reassuring knowledge that even when things got tough, they would always get better

again afterwards. She kissed John and he stroked her hair behind her ears.

"This Friday, I'm taking you on our date."

"You are?"

"Yeah, I've checked that Dana can take Anna for the night, we don't got work the next day, it's time for me to have you all to myself."

Monica giggled and kissed John again before finally getting out of bed.

Monica was not looking forward to work. She had blown off the bureaus lawyers and

disappeared to Maryland against an order from her superior. Skinner was not going to let her off easily with this one.

After dropping Anna off with Mulder, John drove to the bureau and Monica prepared herself for an earful from Skinner. She had been told to go straight to his office upon arriving at the bureau and to come alone. When she arrived his assistant told him of her arrival and she was called straight in.

"Agent Reyes have a seat."

Monica sat down. She was going to keep her mouth shut until it was appropriate to speak. She didn't want to make this any harder for herself than it had to be.

"Agent Reyes I need you back in Maryland."

Monica was sure she had misheard Skinner, she must have.

"Excuse me?"

"Mia Dukes has been arrested on suspicion of murdering her foster parents and she says that she'll only talk to you, I've told the local PD that you'll be there before midday and that they have you fully at their disposal."

"I'm sorry sir I don't understand."

"You screwed up Agent Reyes. Now if you can carry out this order without screwing up again then maybe we can forget that yesterday ever happened. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"But what about the lawyers, the fact that I'm not even supposed to see her?"

"Well it didn't stop you seeing her without permission yesterday, so I'm sure you can sleep with a clear conscience now that you do have permission to see her. Mia Dukes has bigger worries that suing the FBI now. She asked for you, I'm sending you. End of discussion."

Monica looked at Skinner as he began to read through some paperwork as if she wasn't even there. She stood up and was about to open the door when he stood up from his desk.

"Make sure that Agent Doggett goes with you, I don't know who wears the trousers in our

marriage but I wont have you alone in the field, and he must have more control over you than any other agent I could send alongside you."

"But what if we're not back tonight..."

"That's not my concern. You deal with your private life on your own time. I suggest you make arrangements for your daughter."

Monica walked out of the office and didn't know whether Skinner had pissed her off or done her a favour. Either way she didn't want Anna to not be at home for the night, no matter what Skinner said either she or John would be back to take Anna home.

Chapter 13

Present Day...

Monica stayed in Anna's room until she fell asleep. It was as much for her own benefit as her daughter's insistence. She didn't want to let Anna out of her sight, but the relatives waiting for her down stairs made her realise that this was an unrealistic ideal. So as long as Anna was safely tucked up in bed, it was safe for her to go down to her in laws.

"How is she Monica?"

"She's sleeping. The painkillers the doctor prescribed have knocked her out for the count."

Kate Doggett was a friendly woman who was career centred but loved her family. She lived in Florida and rarely saw her family; she was flying back in just a few hours but had wanted to check her niece was ok before leaving.

"What time does your flight leave?"

"Eleven. My dad's gonna drive me to the airport."

"Where are Frank and Rosey?"

"Outside. Dad wanted some air and I think mom went to talk to him about how he's acting around you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Come on Monica; don't tell me you haven't noticed. He's acting all weird, he's not like that usually."

"Well his son's just died."

"Yeah, but it wasn't your fault."

"You think he blames me?"

"I know that you must."

Monica looked at Kate and sighed as she sat down.

"I honestly don't know who I blame the most. Myself. The bureau."

"Or that Dukes girl."

"Yeah."

"Well you didn't pull the trigger Monica. And just because the bullet was intended for you it doesn't mean it was meant for you."

"How can you be so rational about this?"

"I'm a therapist. It's my job to make people see the reasons behind the powers that be."

"But John was your brother. How can you see a reason for all of this happening?"

"It's not always easy, sometimes we have to look hard for a reason, but there'll be one

somewhere. Trust me."

Monica smiled at Kate just as Rosey and Frank walked back into the house.

"Monica how is she?"

"She's sleeping, she'll be fine Rosey."

"I'm so glad. Look, we're going to get a taxi to the airport in the morning. We'll stop by to

see Anna, but don't you worry about taking us."

Monica simply agreed. She wasn't about to offer again and had hoped that they would decline her offer after the day's events. And if she was honest the less time she had to spend with Frank Doggett the better.

June 26th, Silver Spring Maryland, local police station...

John had driven to the police station and Monica hadn't said a word since they had left the office. He had been just as surprised as she was at Skinner's request, but he agreed that they would make sure at least one of them got home for Anna.

When they walked inside Monica already had her I.D. ready, she was obviously going to be running this show.

"I'm Agent Reyes this is my partner Agent Doggett, we're here to see Mia Dukes."

"Yeah, we were told you were coming. You're welcome to her. She may be just a kid but she's a little bitch."

Monica winced at the way the detective was talking and tried to brush it off. Mia was fourteen years old, and probably terrified.

"Where is she?"

"I'll take you to her, but she only wants to see you, she didn't say anything about your

partner."

Monica looked at John and he walked with them so far as the two-way mirror so he

could watch as Monica spoke with Mia. When Monica walked inside Mia looked almost relieved before taking it upon herself to be the sharp-tongued teenager they now knew her as.

"Wow, they actually pulled it off and got you here. I never thought they would. Did you get in trouble for yesterday?"

"No. Although you might say that I did and that my punishment was having to come back."

"So now you don't want to see me and I requested you. The irony isn't lost on me."

"Mia you're just a kid, so lets cut the crap and how about you tell me what's going on and how your fingerprints appeared on a murder weapon."

"They said they didn't have the murder weapon."

"I'm talking about the syringes. The ones that Casey Gooding used for her diabetes treatment."

"I used to fetch them for her sometimes."

"Why?"

"Because we were friends, and she wasn't all that good at remembering to take her medication."

"What do you mean?"

"Well sometimes I'd have to remind her to take her medication, she didn't like to take it

'cause she wanted to be like everyone else. The day her parents died I went into her room to check if she'd taken her insulin and she said no, so I fetched a syringe and she fought against me as I tried to help her. She doesn't like needles, so I was going to do it for her.

She reached for the nearest thing and cut me with the scissors to get me to leave her alone. When she saw what she'd done she apologised, she took the medicine and we threw her syringes in the bathroom bin and I threw the towel I used to wipe my arm in the trash out back so that no one would see it."

Monica looked at Mia and wanted so badly to believe her.

"May I see where she cut you?"

Mia pulled up the sleeve of her shirt and showed a long cut that went across the top of her arm.

"You know we're going to check out your story with Casey Gooding."

"Go ahead. I'm not lying. I don't do that. I bet your not checking out the other prints on

those syringes are you?"

"How do you know about other prints?"

"The cops don't exactly talk quietly when they talk about cases. I bet you found Adam Davies prints on them, I'd check him out he was sleeping with Casey and her father was furious."

Monica looked at Mia and wasn't sure how much she could trust her. She stood up and walked out of the room. Mia watched her go and didn't show any kind of expression as to whether she was guilty or not.

John followed Monica out of the police station and got into the car with her as she got

into the drivers side.

"Where are we going?"

"I think it's time we talked to Casey Gooding."

Chapter 14

Present Day...

Monica was glad to be alone. It was only nine thirty but she was tired and was happy to be thinking about going to bed. She walked past Anna's bedroom and looked in on her as she still slept peacefully. As she was about to close her door she noticed that her doll was on the floor, the one that John had bought for her.

She walked inside and picked it up. She held it close to her before slipping it in bed beside Anna. As she turned to walk out again there was movement from Anna's bed.

"Mommy..."

"I'm here baby, are you ok?"

Anna nodded her head as Monica sat on the bed beside her and stroked her hair.

"Are you mad at me mommy?"

"No, of course not. I'm just glad that you're ok."

"But I made you cry again. I saw you."

"People cry when they're upset and worried, mommy was worried that you might be more hurt than you were, do you understand what I'm saying?"

Anna nodded her head again.

"Have granma and granpa Doggett gone home?"

"Not yet, they're coming to say bye tomorrow morning."

"And then it's just us?"

"Just us."

Anna smiled and Monica had never seen a more beautiful smile. Anna hadn't smiled for

so long, it was a gift for her to manage it now, and for the cause of it to be knowing Monica and she were finally going to be alone.

"Get some sleep baby, I'll see you in the morning." Monica stood up and kissed Anna before walking to the door.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"He might come back."

"Who?"

"Daddy. He'll be missing us. They wont be able to keep him away. It'll be ok when he comes home."

Monica smiled at Anna and turned out of the room not having a single word in the entire

language to tell Anna her father wouldn't be coming back, not ever.

Chapter 15

June 26th, Silver Spring Maryland, Gooding Residence...

"Casey Gooding?"

"Yes, who are you?"

"My name is Monica Reyes, I'm with the FBI, this is my partner Agent Doggett. May we speak with you?"

"Is it about my parents?"

"May we come inside?"

Casey stepped back from the door and allowed the agents to enter her home. The house was immaculate and both John and Monica were struck by how tidy the place was having had six kids living in it.

"Casey we've just spoken with Mia Dukes, I understand you and she are good friends?"

"Not exactly. She's the only suspect in my parents murder, not exactly someone I'd like to be friends with."

"Well we were hoping you could help us out with some information, Mia says that she helped you sometimes with your insulin, that you often forgot to take it, is that correct?"

"I guess so."

"And there was an incident the day your parents died where Mia helped you, could tell us what exactly happened that day?"

"Umm, Mia came into my room checking up on me, I told her I hadn't taken my medication yet so she went to get it from the bathroom. I was angry at her interference, making me feel I couldn't take care of it myself. So when she came back and tried to do it for me I reached out and picked up the scissors. I cut her arm pretty bad but she was fine about it afterwards and helped me clear everything up, we used a towel to wrap her arm in until the bleeding stopped. That's it I think..."

"Do you know what you did with the syringes and the towel Mia used?"

"Umm, the syringes went into the bathroom waste bin like they always do, and I told Mia to throw the towel away because my parents would have asked questions if they saw it. They think... they thought that I was good at keeping time with my insulin, I didn't like to

disappoint them..."

Casey wiped her tears away and wanted to continue to help Monica and John, they admired her for it.

"Are you living in the house alone right now?"

"My brother Daniel is staying with a friend, and Adam Davies is still here, we're both sixteen and are being told it's impossible to find us anywhere so I came home. Michael and Lucy are both back in the children's home. If I could I'd bring them home in an instant."

"Casey, Mia implied that you and Adam had become more than just friends, is that true?"

"What? No, my God, he's like a brother to me, we were a family. Adam had been living with us for six years, Michael had been with us for three and Lucy for two, we were a family, and now that's all gone. Excuse me..."

Casey ran out of the room and up the stairs of the house and Monica took a deep breath. John rubbed her shoulders as he sat behind her and she rested her hand on his.

"Lets get out of here."

"You don't wanna talk to her anymore?"

"No. There's someone else I'd like to talk to."

"Who?"

"Daniel Gooding. Let see if we can find this friend he's staying with."

Chapter 16

July 10th
Present Day, Mulder Residence...

"Mulder! I've gotta go!"

"Yeah I'm coming!"

Dana was in the kitchen holding a crying Jack in her arms whilst William sat quietly eating his breakfast. Dana was concerned at how quiet her eldest son had become. He was never a loud or particularly outgoing boy, but since John had died he had become even more withdrawn and liked to be alone.

He was eight years old; he should be spending the holidays in the sun playing with his toys and his friends. She knew that he held a great deal of affection for Monica and Anna; she was worried that he was spending too much time thinking about them.

As Jack squirmed in her arms she looked at the clock and realised that she really was

going to be late. Mulder finally appeared in the kitchen and tried to smile as a way of making up for sleeping in leaving Dana to get ready for work and get the kids up.

"Hey Jacky, come here kiddo."

He took Jack from Dana and kissed her melting away her frustration with him.

"I'll be home early if I can ok?"

"Ok, we'll be here." Dana kissed Jack and walked over to William.

"You ok William?"

"Yeah. Have a good day at work mom."

She kissed him goodbye and gave him a hug. Mulder followed her to the door with Jack who had now stopped crying and was trying to pull out his father's hair. Dana tried to help by holding down his hands but that only made him more likely to cry again.

"I'm worried about William."

"I know. I'll talk to him."

"He's so quiet all the time."

"Stop worrying, I'll talk to him and make sure he's ok. Now go, one of us has gotta bring in the big bucks."

Dana smiled and kissed Mulder before finally turning to get into her car. She waved at Jack as his face scrunched up ready to cry again and she drove off to work still worrying about William.

Mulder walked into the kitchen with a screaming Jack in his arms and was struggling to

think of something to calm the small boy down. He very rarely threw tantrums like this, and usually there was a good reason, but Mulder couldn't help feeling that his youngest son was just trying to be a pain in his ass.

"Hey William could you grab me those building blocks over there and help me entertain your brother?"

William got out of his chair and did as his father requested. William had a lot of respect for his father as well as loving him more than anything. He knew that his parents thought he didn't understand about what happened when he was a baby, and the terrible things

that his father had endured, but now they were a family and William couldn't have been happier.

"Here you go dad."

"Thanks buddy, so how you doin' today? What do you wanna do?"

"Can we go see Aunt Monica?" Mulder smiled and nodded his head slightly.

"If you want to, but we should call first, she might wanna be alone, she's had a lot of people around her this past week."

"She shouldn't be alone. And I like playing with Anna."

"I know you do William, is that why you're being a little quiet at home lately?"

William looked at his father and was half irritated that he could read him so well, but on the other hand it was kind of cool that they knew each other so well.

"It isn't fair that Uncle John had to die."

"I know. But sometimes things happen that we just can't control."

"But why? At school our teacher says that we're all responsible for our actions, and for taking care of the people that we love. John was a good man."

Mulder looked at his eight year old and was astonished at how grown up he was. Here he was saying that John had been a 'good man', any other kid would have been more interested in playing in the garden, but not William, he wanted to think about his family, and the friends they had that needed their help.

"Sometimes we don't understand why things happen William, but I've learnt that there is always a reason behind them. There is some master plan that we're all a part of, and I know that might seem like I'm making excuses, but it'll work out, I promise."

William smiled at his dad and walked over to him for a hug. Mulder juggled his two boys and for the first time realised how lucky he really was. He shared these boys with his wife, Monica was alone, and Anna had no father. Maybe it was a good idea to go and see how they were doing.

June 26th, Silver Spring Maryland...

It took a couple of hours to track down Daniel Gooding. He had gone to play at the park with Lucy Collier and Michael Dyson, a family reunion of sorts. When Monica saw that the three children were together she didn't know if it was a good thing or not, would they all have pre arranged to not cooperate with any of the authorities? Or would they do whatever they could to help them get to the bottom of this?

"Hi, I'm Monica Reyes, this is John Doggett, we're from the FBI, do you think we could talk to you for a second?"

The three children looked at each other before nodding and walking over to a bench across the park. They all sat down and Monica looked at John before she began to ask any questions. He could see that she was finding this case difficult, and he didn't know what to do to help, she wanted to run it so he couldn't interfere in anyway. He'd do whatever he could.

"So you must be Daniel? I met Michael yesterday, and you're Lucy right?"

"You're here about my parents aren't you?"

"Yeah. But there are some other questions that I have for you if you wouldn't mind answering them?"

Daniel nodded his head and Monica couldn't help noticing how tightly he was holding onto his ball, something for him to be able to hold close and make him feel secure.

"You must have all been pretty close to each other, you must miss living in the same house now?"

"Yeah."

"Did you spend a lot of time together, all of you together? Family trips that kind of thing?"

"Not really. My mom took care of the house and was happy to just sit in front of the TV with my dad at night when he got in from work. We pretty much entertained ourselves during the evening after dinner." Monica smiled.

"So you must have fought too yeah? I mean all kids fight, brothers and sisters on top of each other all the time."

Daniel smiled and nodded. Michael and Lucy smiled too.

"There was always a fight for the bathroom in the morning. Casey always got there first and said it was because she was the oldest."

"Yeah? Well what about Adam Davies? He and your sister are the same age right? I mean he's still living in your parents house."

Daniel's smile faded and he looked at Michael and Lucy. They both tried to avoid looking at him and Monica felt bad for making them all feel so uncomfortable.

"My sister and Adam were always together. One time I saw them in bed together and Casey hurt my arm and made me promise not to tell my dad. But my dad found out that they were dating and he wanted Adam to find somewhere else to live, he said it wasn't right for Adam to be our brother I the house anymore. But Casey said that if he went she'd go with him, so my mom talked my dad into letting him stay and just trying to keep them apart. But it didn't work. It just made them think that they could get away with it under their noses because they knew they wouldn't get thrown out of the house like they'd been afraid of."

Daniel looked upset and Monica suddenly saw that she was pushing the twelve year old too hard. He just wanted to play with the kids he'd grown to love as his family; she shouldn't have been doing this. And she had the information she needed now anyway.

"Well, thank you for talking with us Daniel, it was very nice meeting you all."

Monica stood up and the three children managed to smile at her before running back over to the other side of the park. She turned around to John and was about to say something as his cell phone rang.

"John Doggett... Yeah... Ok, I'll tell her... We'll get right over there... Thanks..."

"Who was that?"

"Dana, it seems the evidence just keeps pouring in against Mia Dukes. She visited her mom the day before the Gooding's were killed, there was an incident with one of the patients and they lost some medication when a manic patient tipped a trolley. Guess what one of the things was that went missing?"

"Insulin."

"Yeah, we should get over there."

"No you go, talk to Katha Dukes' doctor, and find out what happened that day."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I wanna talk to Adam Davies."

Chapter 17

Present Day
Doggett Residence...

Rosey Doggett had such a tight grip on her daughter in law that Monica could only just breathe. It felt comforting and reassuring to have someone hold her so strongly, and she was going to miss Rosey, but things had to move forward. Monica held onto Rosey for a long while before finally allowing them to separate as Rosey wiped a tear from her face.

"I feel as if I'm losing you all..."

"Rosey that's ridiculous, Anna and I will always be here, we're still your family."

"I know, but John used to call with updates on how you all were, and how things were going for you both. It's not as compelling for the daughter in law to want to do that... I know, I was a daughter in law for a long time."

Monica smiled at Rosey's fears and joking and she couldn't think of anything to say to allay her fears that she would lose her whole family.

"Anna will miss you terribly, I'll make sure she calls you every week."

"That'd be great Monica, but it's you we'll miss too. Don't forget us."

Rosey moved slowly from Monica's viewpoint and went into the living room to pick up her granddaughter.

"How are you today sweetheart?"

"I'm ok. Mommy's really good at making it not hurt."

"That's what's mommy's are for."

Rosey carried Anna out to the car where Frank was stood leaning against the door not making any kind of movement to say goodbye to Monica or Anna. Monica took Anna from Rosey when they reached the car.

"You take care of each other, make sure your mommy's ok Anna, and you take care of my little girl."

"I will Rosey, I promise."

Rosey kissed Anna and hugged the two of them before turning to the car and staring at her husband. Frank scowled at his wife and knew what she wanted him to do but he just couldn't. He adored his family, but he couldn't allow himself to understand why he lost his son like this. He loved Monica like his own daughter, but this just wasn't right. What

was selfish of him was that he believed he was the only one who felt this way, when in fact no one understood why this had happened.

Frank kissed Anna's cheek and told her to be careful at the park. Then he got into the car

and didn't look back once. Monica was devastated, but she had to be strong. Rosey smiled from the car window as she opened it.

"Have a safe trip."

"We love you Monica, we're just a phone call away."

Monica smiled as the engine started in the small rental car they had taken for the morning and they slowly crawled down the street until turning a corner out of sight.

"All gone mommy."

"Yeah. All gone."

Monica carried Anna inside as the phone began to ring and she gently placed Anna on the sofa before running to answer it.

"Monica Doggett."

"Agent Reyes... It's A.D. Skinner."

"Yes sir."

"I was sorry to hear about Anna, Agent Scully told me when I called her asking why I hadn't been able to reach you last night. Is she alright?"

"She's fine. I assume you have some news for me?"

Skinner was surprised by her bluntness, but then he hadn't really given her a reason to be friendly.

"Yes. Your job is safe, but you'll no longer be known as Agent Reyes for obvious reasons. I pulled some strings and called in some favours. Your jobs yours Agent Doggett."

Monica wanted to laugh and cry all at once. She was overwhelmed and it felt strange being called Agent Doggett.

"There's a new Agent starting on the X-Files tomorrow morning. Her name is Phoebe Carmichael."

"Excuse me sir?"

"You didn't think you'd be left alone down there did you?"

"To be honest I hadn't thought about it at all."

"She's been working in behavioural sciences, she's been out of the academy for two years but she's good at her job. I just want you to know there's no rush for you to get back here. Take as long as you need."

Monica hung up the phone and turned to look at Anna, she was trying to reach the TV remote without getting off the sofa. Monica walked over to pass it to her and realised just how little thought she had given to work since John had died. Maybe it was time to make some decisions.

June 26th, Silver Spring Maryland, local police station...

When Monica had no luck tracking down Adam Davies she felt certain that he somehow knew to avoid her. No one could hide in a town this small without somebody seeing you and passing along the information of where you are. But so far no one could tell Monica where they had last seen Adam or who with or where he liked to hang out.

She had driven back to the police station in the hope that John might call as the battery

in her cell phone was dead. When she pulled up and got out of the car she thought she was hallucinating as Adam Davies walked out of the building. She quickly got out of the car and ran over to him, unintentionally startling him.

"Adam Davies?"

"Yeah? Who the hell are you?"

"My name is Monica Reyes, I'm with the FBI, can I ask you a few questions?"

"About what?"

"About your relationship with Casey Gooding."

Adam looked surprised at Monica's knowledge of his personal life. His reaction to her question told Monica that there was definitely more than a brother sister relationship between Casey and Adam.

"What about me and Casey?"

"Do you mind if we step inside?"

Adam shrugged his shoulders and Monica followed him inside. She found a quiet office for them to sit in and she closed the door.

"So, do you wanna tell me what was going on between the two of you?"

"You make it sound so sordid and ugly."

"Are you saying that you're in love with each other?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"No. But why did Casey lie about it?"

Adam looked surprised and then hurt. Monica was getting the feeling that this relationship may have been a little one sided.

"I don't know why she lied. But we were doing well, her parents had stopped being so heavy on us, we were getting along great. But after your poking around today she wants me to move out before people start talking."

"People are already talking Adam. Where did you go the night your foster parents were

murdered?"

"Out."

"Where?"

"Just hanging out around the park."

"Alone?"

"No."

"With Casey?"

"Yeah. We have this spot where we go to... To be alone... The house is never empty so it was a nice evening for us."

"Were you there all night?"

"We left the house at eight and came back just after eleven."

"So you found the bodies?"

"Yeah."

"And neither of you left for any amount of time?"

"No, look you're making it sound like you think we had something to do with this, it was a close family. I hope you catch the son of a bitch that did this."

"So you don't think it was Mia Dukes?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well you must know she's here, I mean why else would you have dropped by the police station? If you think we still need to catch the person who did this, you can't think it's her."

"Mia's just a kid. She wouldn't know one end of a hammer from the other."

"A hammer?"

Adam's face went white and he looked as if he might throw up as he realised what

he'd said.

"Or whatever the hell was used, I don't know anything.... Can I go now?"

Monica nodded her head and watched Adam leave. She knew exactly where he was going, and she was right behind him.

Chapter 18

Present Day
Doggett Residence...

It was almost lunchtime when Mulder finally pulled up outside Monica's house. He had called as soon as he managed to calm Jack down and asked Monica if it'd be ok to call round. She had readily agreed and he got the impression that she wasn't quite ready to be doing this alone just yet.

Monica was glad to have some company. She had felt so confused about things after

Skinner's call and after watching her in laws leave. She was really going to have to figure

this all out now and she didn't know if she could. Work, parenting, housekeeping, it was three fulltime jobs rolled into one, and when John had been around they had coped as a family, but now there was an intricate part of that family structure missing. Things were going to change for everyone.

Monica opened the front door to a huge hug from William and she picked him up as he clung to her. She loved him so much and was pleased to see him; she knew it would cheer up Anna too. Mulder carried a sleeping Jack into the house and dropped all of the baggage he'd had to bring along onto the floor with a sigh.

"Man, what was I thinking? So much crap for one so small."

Monica smiled at Mulder and Jack as she continued to allow William hold onto her. He finally let her go and looked up at her with a smile.

"It was my idea to come Aunt Monica. I wanted to see you."

"I appreciate that William, thank you."

"Is Anna ok?"

"She's doing great, she's in her room if you wanna go and say hi?"

William smiled at Monica and his father before running up the stairs and going into Anna's bedroom to help cheer her up.

Mulder laid Jack down on the sofa and joined Monica in the garden where he could still

keep a good view on his son. Monica lit a cigarette and Mulder frowned.

"I didn't know you smoked?"

"Well, when you were dead I was trying to quit... When you came back I didn't have time to smoke, when you left John made me quit, he was worried about my health, and now there's no one else left to tell me off."

"Well I could do it for you? You really shouldn't you know."

"I know."

Mulder smiled sympathetically as Monica continued to smoke. He knew that this woman

was grabbing onto anything she possibly could to make her life feel a little less empty, if

cigarettes were doing that for her right now then he wasn't going to try and stand in the way of that. He was here to be a friend not to preach to her.

"Skinner called me today."

"I thought he would, Dana told me about your job, you must have been relieved."

"Is that what it was?"

"You weren't glad about keeping your job?"

"I don't know. I had no feeling about it either way. And now I feel that I owe it to them to go back and do my job just because they let me keep it."

"You don't owe them a thing. But I think you should think carefully before making any kind of decision about this."

"I know. I guess one of the big turn offs is the prospect of a new partner."

"Already?"

"Yeah. She starts tomorrow."

"Wow, two women running the x-files, that's new."

"Her name's Phoebe Carmichael, two years fresh from the academy."

"Boy she'll be nice and green for you."

"Yeah well, we'll see."

Mulder was startled by Monica's negative attitude towards her job. He knew her well after all these years, and he knew how much she loved to sink her teeth into a good case, he also understood that people dealt with grief in different ways and that if she needed to leave the bureau to point her life in the direction she needed it to go in then so be it.

On a personal level he was a little apprehensive about some new agent being left alone with what he still thought of as his x-files. They were still his babies, and he trusted Monica. He made a mental note to ask Scully about a Phoebe Carmichael when she got home from work. Right now all he could do was watch as Monica stared into nothingness with her cigarette and nothing else to make her feel strong enough to get through the day.

June 26th, Silver Spring Maryland, Gooding Residence...

Monica had informed the police about Adam Davies slip of the tongue and they had released Mia Dukes back to the children's home. Monica was relieved but was beginning to get frustrated with how twisted this case was becoming. It was getting late and she had to make sure that either she or John was back in DC within the next hour. She didn't even know if John was back from seeing Katha Dukes yet, they were running out of time.

Adam Davies had gone straight to the Gooding's house and he had been in there for over two hours. There were two units watching the house along with Monica and she was tempted to just leave and go home now, but there was a part of her that had to know what was going on here.

As she stared into the window of the front door desperate to see some kind of movement

inside she almost jumped through the roof when her passenger opened and John got inside the car.

"Jesus John!"

"What? Scare ya?"

"That's not funny." John laughed and Monica smiled.

"You're a little jumpy for a routine boring surveillance."

"I know. I guess this is just taking its toll on me."

"Well, you're free to go ma'am."

"I am?"

"Yeah, go home, get some sleep."

"But what about you?"

"I'll stay here like Skinner wanted."

"I don't know John, I think I'd like to stay."

"You would?"

"Yeah. If Mia Dukes asks for me again I should be here, and it was me that Skinner sent

officially, you're just here to reign me in if I step over the line."

"Well I can't do that from DC."

"And I can't do my job from DC."

John looked at his wife and didn't know whether to push an argument further or not, he hadn't quite made his mind up how attached to this case she had allowed herself to get.

"You're sure you don't wanna go home?"

"I'm sure. But wait, what did you find out today?"

"I got nothin'. Katha Dukes wasn't prepared to see me, and her doctor gave me the run around all day. I couldn't get anything."

"Well I'll try in the morning."

John smiled and felt a warm tingle inside, one of the things he adored about Monica was the dedication she had for her work and the ability to be a wonderful family woman too. He kissed her softly and then Monica laughed as he moved his hands down her shirt.

"John... What are you doing?"

"Isn't it that obvious?"

"Here?! What if someone sees us?"

"You can't send me home alone for the night without you..."

"Yes I can, you'll be late for Anna..."

"She won't mind..."

Monica laughed and was finding each second fighting against her and her ever-lowering will power to get John to leave.

"She will mind..."

"I'll be there... Just relax... Let your husband take care of everything..."

"Yes sir..."

Chapter 19

July 16th
Present Day, Park...

Monica sipped her coffee and felt her heart race as Anna approached the climbing frame at the park. Anna was cautious and examined it thoroughly before attempting to climb it, and even then she didn't go half as high as she was allowed to and soon ran over to the slide instead. This was their last day together; Monica was going back to work the next day. She had been told by everybody that it was too soon and that she had to think of Anna, but the truth was Monica was of no use to Anna day in day out, they needed to be able to carry on with their lives and not make things any harder than they had to be.

Anna had cried for over and hour the day before when Monica had told her she was going back to work. Anna refused to accept that it was time for her to leave and to forget all about John, Monica finally calmed her down but couldn't tell her daughter that part of the reason she needed work was so that she could forget about John. Not forever but just long enough for it not to be so painful living without him. She and Anna had spent every day together for over a week, more time they had in a long while, and she felt better for it, but she needed to get back to her work. It was time.

She had taken Anna to the park with William whilst Mulder and Dana took Jack to the

doctors for a check up. It was Anna's first visit since her fall and she was handling it

remarkably well. It helped that William was there to make her feel less daunted by the climbing frame full of small children enjoying the school holidays. Both children looked over to wave at Monica every few minutes, just to make sure she was ok and to make sure she knew they were having fun.

Dana had been reluctant to let William spend the day with Anna and Monica claiming they should be alone before Monica went back to work, but Monica knew that if she wanted to get to work the next morning without her daughter screaming the house down in protest then she had to let Anna see that she could have fun and be happy without her mother around for the day.

Monica was growing rather curious about the new agent now sharing her office. From all

accounts she had settled in well in her first week and Dana had only had good things to say about her after pointing out that Phoebe Carmichael was the 'spooky' of the 21st century. Mulder had shrugged this off and hoped that the woman wasn't getting as much grief about her reputation as he had received during his time with the FBI.

Monica didn't care what anybody else had to say about her, she knew that the second she laid eyes on her she'd be able to figure her out and pin down what she wanted from the FBI. It was a gift she knew to take advantage of, and if Agent Carmichael was planning on sticking around then she needed to make sure that this was workable.

Monica pulled up outside the Mulder residence and was still getting out of the car when

Anna and William went running to the house and knocked rapidly on the door wanting to get inside and play with toys. As Monica made her way towards the house Dana appeared at the door with Jack and was smiling as she approached them.

"I don't know how you take care of two of them. I'm exhausted."

"You get used to it. Was everything ok?"

"Yeah, we had a great time, Anna conquered her fear of the park, so that was a relief. It was nice to be around two such lively souls for the day, but like I said, they ran circles around me. How'd it go with Jack?"

"Good, everything's fine and as it should be."

Monica smiled at Dana and the two women exchanged a silent understanding that it was still a testing time whilst Jack was a baby as to whether he was going to be in any danger due to his parents' pasts, but so far he was a regular kid and Monica was as thrilled as they were.

"Well, I should get Anna home, big day tomorrow."

"Yeah, and you're bringing her here for Mulder to take care of in the morning."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I don't think Anna or William would allow it any other way."

Monica smiled and called her daughter down the stairs to take her home. Dana walked out to the car with Monica and waited as she fastened Anna into her seat.

"Are you sure you're ready to go back Monica? There's no hurry you know, if you need more time..."

"It's time to go back Dana. I need to do this. I'll see you in the morning."

"Ok."

June 27th
Doggett Residence...

"Daddy! I want mommy!"

John was not having fun playing single parent. Anna was not happy that her mother had not come home the night before and for some reason she was now taking it out on her father, probably because he was there to take it.

"Anna, come on, daddy has to get to work, and he'll bring mommy home too, but I need you to help me out here."

"I want mommy!"

"I want mommy too! But right now we gotta stick together ok? Now the quicker you get dressed and I get you to Uncle Fox's house the quicker I'll get mommy home to you ok?"

Anna looked at her dad and finally stopped jumping up and down on her bed in her pyjamas. She was considering accepting his offer but wasn't quite sure about it.

"You promise that mommy will come home if I stay with uncle Fox?"

"I promise."

"Ok..."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That's my girl."

John walked over to the bed now it was safe Anna wasn't going to lunge at him and he picked up his daughter and began to get her clothes ready for her to wear.

"I don't want to wear that!"

"Well which one do you wanna wear?"

Anna pondered the question before picking out a bright green t-shirt, a pair of jeans with yellow patterns on, a pink cardigan, and her blue trainers. John watched as Anna pulled the clothes on in a very awkward manner and finally stood beaming at him like a smiling rainbow in the sky. He laughed and couldn't think of anything he'd rather see her in. If Monica had been there she would have had a few things to say about the outfit, but as it was John was running the show, so the outfit stayed.

Anna ran out of her room and down the stairs yelling out what she wanted for breakfast as John slowly followed her wishing that Monica was here with them. He hated being apart from her even if it was just for one night, he couldn't wait until their date together, he was going to sweep her off her feet and remind her why she had fallen in love with him. He didn't need a reminder; he knew he was in love with her every single time he laid his eyes on her.

"Breakfast daddy!"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'."

"I want pancakes with strawberry sauce and chocolate sprinkles and syrup."

"Is that right?"

"Uh huh."

Anna grinned as John set about making the pancakes, Monica would kill him if she

found out about this. When he spilt strawberry sauce all over his shirt he saw why she'd kill him. He finished making breakfast and went to get changed, but when he came back Anna hadn't touched her food.

"What's wrong Anna?"

"Is mommy having breakfast in her motel?"

"Yeah, right now."

"Not pancakes though?"

"I don't know, you can ask her tonight."

"Can we save her one of mine?"

"Sure we can."

John and Anna safely put away a pancake covered in strawberry and chocolate before finally getting it together to leave. John prayed to God that he would never have to do

this alone, he fully believed that parenting was a two person job, and there wasn't a woman he'd rather be sharing it with.

Chapter 20

Present Day
Doggett Residence...

Monica tucked Anna warmly into bed and smiled as Anna slowly drifted off to sleep. She had tired herself out and Monica was glad that it was an easy job for her to get some rest. She knew that Anna was just as apprehensive about Monica going back to work as she was, and the last thing Monica needed was to deal with her daughter's fears and worries along with her own. For starters the simple fact that she would be answering to the name 'Agent Doggett' was going to take some getting used to. In her mind John was Agent Doggett and she was Agent Reyes, it had been that way forever, but now it was all going to be different.

When she was satisfied Anna was sleeping she stood up and walked over to the window. It had been a long day and she found herself craving a cigarette. She had convinced herself that this was just a temporary fix, but she was getting used to the permanent ease it gave her. There were just three left in the packet, it wouldn't hurt to finish those off.

She headed for the door but Anna stirred and called out.

"I'm still here baby, you ok?"

"I can't sleep." Monica sat down again and held Anna's hand.

"You want a story?" Anna shook her head.

"I want daddy." Monica felt just as sick when she heard the word 'daddy' as she did when she heard the name 'John', it was one and the same. And it still hurt.

"I know. But daddy's gone, we talked about it remember?"

"I don't care, I don't care that God needed him to go into heaven, he's my daddy not God's."

"I know, but your daddy is still watching over you, he'll always be here with you."

"No he won't. If he was here then he could read me a story. But he's gone, and I want him to come home. Why can't it be like hide and seek? I played hide and seek with William, I always found him... I can't find daddy...He doesn't want to be here."

"Oh baby that's not true. Your daddy will be missing you so much, you were his world. He loved you more than anything."

"If he did then he wouldn't have left us."

"Your daddy was hurt Anna, he got hurt and he died. He didn't choose to leave us. I wish I could make this easier for you."

"Make him come back. I want him to make me pancakes again! I want him to get strawberry sauce on his shirt and get changed so I can put extra chocolate sprinkles on them! But he won't will he?"

"No."

By this time Anna was barely able to string words together through her tears and it was all Monica could do to stop herself breaking down on the bed beside her. Of course it was still taking time but they had been doing well together, Monica had thought that the hardest part was over. But it was naïve of her to believe that her daughter would move on so smoothly. As an adult it was built into her to understand death and that for the sake of others you have to move on and be able to take care of your family. But Anna wasn't even five yet and she was trying to understand a subject that baffled most adults on the planet. Premature death, murder, illness, why couldn't everybody die of old age with their families around them?

Monica moved closer to Anna but her daughter rejected her and quickly turned over so her back was towards her mother. Anna was still crying and clinging onto her doll for dear life. Monica stood up and couldn't bring herself to try and console her daughter. She went into her bedroom and sat down to cry with the photographs of John all around her. She couldn't even console herself.

June 27th, Silver Spring Maryland, Police Station...

John walked up to Monica and put his hands over her eyes from behind.

"Guess who?"

"Well now, my husband will be here any second, so we better make this quick..."

Monica laughed as she turned around to face John and his smiling face. He took her hand and led her into an empty office and closed the blinds. When he was finished he walked over to her and kissed her. It was all he wanted, just one kiss.

"That was nice..."

"I missed you last night, Anna missed you..."

"I missed you both too."

"You're comin' home tonight though right?"

"Yeah. There's not much more I can do here."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"They arrested Adam Davies on suspicion of murder last night."

"You're kidding?"

"I was outside the Gooding's place until almost ten, Adam came running out of the house with Casey behind yelling at him, she confessed to knowing what he'd done, and he's saying that she did it. They're both being questioned but as it stands Adam will be charged with murder."

"Man, what about Mia Dukes?"

"She's no longer a suspect. She wants to see me before we leave."

"Why?"

"She wouldn't say. But I have some things to finish up here. They found the murder weapon, a hammer that had been thrown into the pond in the back yard. It was covered in blood and Adam's prints are all over it."

"Case closed."

"I guess so."

Monica was far from convinced and John could see that there was something else on her mind.

"What is it? You're not convinced?"

"I don't know. Something feels off. When I spoke with Adam I didn't get the impression he was a killer."

"He wasn't givin' off a murderous vibe?"

"That's not funny John."

"I wasn't jokin'!"

"I just think we're missing something. We have an appointment with Katha Dukes' doctor this morning, and then Mia is expecting me around two. Then I wanna go home."

Monica opened the office door and went back to the paper work she had been filling out. John watched her work and wished that he understood her a little better. They knew each other better than any married couple could hope, but the things that Monica let run through her head about people and her work were private and impossible to figure out. He wished he could ease some of the confusion she felt when she didn't feel happy with a result. But for now he'd just have to settle for working beside her and going along with whatever she thought was best. Because these past few days had taught him that where Mia Dukes and this case were concerned, Monica was the boss.

Chapter 21

July 17th
Present Day, Mulder Residence...

Anna climbed out of the car and walked slowly up the garden path. She knocked softly on the front door and waited patiently whilst she listened to someone fumbling around with locks from the inside. Dana opened the door and was surprised to see such miserable faces before her. Anna crept into the living room and Monica followed Dana through to the kitchen where Mulder was fighting with Jack's breakfast.

"What's going on?"

"We had a bad night."

"John?"

"Yeah. She has questions that I can't answer, and I hate it because I have those questions too but there's no one I can ask for answers, it's just so hard being alone with her..."

Monica fought back the tears that had been sneaking by all morning and couldn't cope with how hard this was becoming. Mulder looked at Dana and she knew that he didn't know what to say or to do, so he tried to carry on un-noticed.

"Monica, I don't know what to say, maybe you should stay at home with her today, take a few more days off..."

"I can't. If I don't go back to work today then I don't know that I ever will. I just, I hate

that she wont talk to me. She won't even look at me. I hate John for doing this to me. I feel like she blames me. I may as well have killed him myself."

Mulder tried so hard to fight against Jack's pawing arms to get Dana or Monica's attention before they said something like that, Anna was standing behind them. Monica saw Mulder's struggling composure and the look of devastation on his face. She turned to the door and saw her daughter's tearful eyes staring at her.

"Anna..."

Anna ran from the room and up the stairs, Monica ran after her but was held back by

Mulder's powerful hand.

"Let me talk to her. If you're gonna do this, you need to go."

Monica looked at Mulder and could barely make out his face through her tears and then Dana's hand softly took her shoulder.

"Monica... Are you sure about work?"

She looked at Dana and nodded her head. She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath.

"Let's go." Monica went out to the car and Dana held back to talk to Mulder.

"I can't do this. I can't watch her go to work, she's not ready!"

"Hey, hey, it's ok."

Mulder pulled Dana into a hug as she took a deep breath and faced the prospect of their car journey together.

"Mulder... I'm so worried about her... and Anna..."

"I know. I'll talk to Anna. I'm good with kids remember, leave it to me."

Dana smiled and Mulder kissed her, she gave him another soft hug before finally walking out of the front door and heading to the car. This was going to be the longest day of Monica's life.

June 27th, Silver Spring Maryland, Waterfalls Patient Care Facility...

Monica and John waited patiently to speak with Katha Dukes' doctor; he had agreed to see them that morning but was in no hurry to be on time for their appointment. When he finally showed up it wasn't with an apology for his lateness or a smile, he simply sat down as if it was the most challenging thing in the world and stared at the two agents.

"Now who are you exactly?"

"I'm Agent Doggett, this is Agent Reyes, you were givin' me the run around yesterday."

"Oh that was you?"

"Yeah."

"I'm a busy man Agent Doggett, I don't have time to help the FBI with their inquiries, that's what the local PD are for."

"Well we need to talk to you about a patient, Katha Dukes."

"I'm afraid I cannot divulge any information about my patients, I'm sure you know that that would violate the patient-doctor confidentiality. Now were there any other questions?"

The doctor had stood up clearly indicating he wanted them to leave but as John was prepared to do so Monica stood up and spoke for the first time.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch you name?"

"Dr. Robert Toolan."

"Dr. Toolan, may I ask what Ms Dukes' condition is at present?"

"She's prone to violent fits of behaviour, she has to be fed, bathed, and dressed by our staff, she hardly talks, and the only time she's ever calm is when her daughter comes to visit every month or so."

"Do you think we could see her?"

"Well I'm afraid that just isn't possible?"

"Why exactly?"

"She doesn't agree with visitors..."

Monica could sense John's desire to leave and let this go, but she wasn't going to give in that easily, she didn't like this doctor and she wasn't going to let him tell her what to do.

"Dr Toolan unless you wanna get a tray full of paperwork demanding to know why you refused to cooperate with a federal investigation, and why you allowed the easy theft of insulin from your premises that was involved in a murder four days ago, you'll allow us to see Ms Dukes and see for ourselves whether she agrees with visitors or not."

Dr Toolan swallowed hard and then forced a smile through his tight lips. He held out his hand and indicated that they had his full understanding. He took them out of his office and John held Monica back slightly as they followed him to the other side of the hospital.

"Do you know how hot you are when you talk FBI?" Monica laughed.

"My God John, I'm away for one night and you can't stop thinking with your pants."

"I'm doin' just fine thinkin', but what I'm thinkin' is I wanna get you home."

"We're working. And unless you prove to me that you can be professional for the rest of the day then I'm afraid I'll have to send you home Agent Doggett."

"You're a tough woman."

"Only when you ask nicely..."

They reached a room at the end of the corridor and John was struggling to concentrate on anything at all but his wife standing so close beside him that he could feel her without touching her.

"This is Katha Dukes' room. She's restrained so she can't hurt you, but if she does get

agitated I will have to ask you to leave."

Monica nodded her head and John just stayed out of the way. The door was opened and Monica slowly walked inside. It was dark as the curtains hadn't been opened and there was a musty smell in the room that attacked your nose as soon as you walked inside. Monica held back slightly and John walked further forwards so that Katha Dukes could see him. But he saw her first. He couldn't believe it.

This woman wasn't much older than forty, but she looked like an old woman, shrivelled up and ready to die. If he had to describe what a person looked like who had given up on life then she was it. He looked at

Monica and could see that she was experiencing guilt again. Guilt that she had been the cause for this woman to be lying here this way.

Katha was awake but so far had refused to acknowledge anybody's presence in the room. Dr Toolan walked over to her and stood directly in her view smiling.

"Good morning Katha, there are some people here who would like to talk to you. They're from the FBI."

As soon as those three letters were uttered 'F-B-I' Katha turned to look frantically around the room, and upon seeing first John, and then Monica she began to scream, it startled

Monica and she ran out of the room urgently, ignoring John's calls for her to go back. All she could hear was Katha Dukes screaming at her, calling her a bitch, a murderer. Monica couldn't cope with the thought that it might be true.

Chapter 22

Present Day, X-Files Office...

Monica walked into the office and was glad to find it empty. The last thing she needed was a bright and cheerful face welcoming her back to work when right now she really didn't know where she should be. She looked at John's desk and saw that it now occupied her things, the photographs and paperwork, and files that she had been working on. She knew the order would have been given to Agent Carmichael to not take John's desk, she also knew the order would have come from Skinner, and she was grateful.

She was in charge down here now, so she got the desk that had been Mulder's, Scully's, John's and now hers. She had moved up the chain of command

and got to call the shots on the x-files. She wasn't quite sure how that made her feel as she set about organising the things that had been strewn around her new desk without any order or care. Everything had been put there so as not to be in Phoebe Carmichael's way. Monica resented the act but tried to not dwell on it. The sooner she got used to sharing this office space with someone else the better.

By nine o'clock Monica had straightened up her desk and was staring at the photograph that John had kept on his desk for years. It was just the two of them, it looked less conspicuous to have a photograph without their daughter in it at work, but now that didn't matter. In the photograph they were smiling, and holding hands. It was the day that they had gotten engaged and they had their whole lives ahead of them. John had put the photograph in a frame right away and taken it into work for his desk. It was his favourite photograph of them together and he didn't care if it looked suspicious to the FBI, he loved her and he wanted the whole world to know it. And now Monica could have a dozen photographs of them around her desk, Anna included

and no one would care. Because now he was gone.

Monica was so engrossed in memory lane and the photograph of the two of them that she didn't notice somebody walk into the office and stand awkwardly in the door way as if waiting for permission to come into the cramped basement office. She couldn't tear her eyes from the two happy people that were together to think of herself alone.

Phoebe Carmichael felt as if she was in the way, which was ridiculous, she was here to work too. But there was something about this woman staring at a photograph that told her she should allow the woman some privacy and time. She was grateful for the opportunity to see her new partner before she saw her. She knew that she would be seen as this new green and annoying agent who would come across as being in the way, but she had heard good things about Agent Doggett, formerly known as Agent Reyes. Surely those things would all be true?

Monica looked up suddenly with tears running down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away as she stood up and looked at the woman in front of her.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I mean no, umm, I'm Phoebe Carmichael, umm, your new partner."

"Oh. Well, don't just stand in the doorway Agent Carmichael, this is your office too."

Phoebe smiled slightly and sat down at her desk. She split her coffee and cursed to herself, she wasn't a clumsy person but now she'd look like one. In all honesty Monica didn't care if she'd split ten cups of coffee. She was getting more and more unsure of the fact she was back at work.

June 27th, Silver Spring Maryland...

Monica was unaware of how far out of the building she had ran until she looked at her watch and realised that she had been outside for over half an hour. The sight of Katha Dukes like that had had an unbelievably hard effect on her, it had made her feel almost criminal. She couldn't take this anymore, the Monica Reyes she knew and was proud of being wouldn't let this happen, she knew her job and she had never regretted anything she had done whilst working. But all of sudden this case was killing her. More than anything she just wanted to go home.

When John spotted Monica he sighed with relief and ran over to her. She heard him coming and tried to smile but it was counteracted with tears and she literally fell into his strong arms as he reached her. John was as shaken up by this as Monica was, this wasn't like her and he wanted to make it stop. Make it all go away. She cried in his arms and all he could do was stand and hold her, he didn't realise that this was exactly what Monica needed.

Driving to the police station Monica stayed quiet and John did the same. This was beyond anything they had been through before, and he wasn't sure how to progress with it. The biggest part of him wanted to take this case and shove it up Skinner's ass.

Over the years things had become strained between all x-file employees, past and present, and Skinner. He had made some decisions regarding his career and his place within the FBI's hierarchy of power that didn't sit well with being close to the x-files despite the fact he was still the superior in charge of them. Skinner's job was to read over the case reports and keep an eye on the goings on down in the basement, but he couldn't have shown less interest if he tried. It was hard for Dana because Skinner had been such an important person in her life when she was pregnant with William and when Mulder was gone. But now Skinner was just their boss, and he was suddenly being a pain in the ass about it.

When they arrived at the police station Monica got out of the car and waited for John

before walking inside. She seemed almost insecure in being alone. She took his hand and squeezed it softly before letting it go to walk inside the building. John was worried about her. Monica spoke to the officer in charge and dealt with all her unfinished business. When she walked back over to John she was smiling and he was glad to see it.

"Lets go home."

"We're done here?"

"Yeah."

"What about Mia Dukes? She wanted to see you."

"I've left a message for her, there's no reason for me to see her. It's over."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. I wanna go home John."

Monica walked out of the building and John watched her until she was out of sight before following. The quicker he got her home and helped her forget about this whole situation the better.

Chapter 23

Present Day
X-Files Office...

Monica watched Phoebe glancing over at her from time to time waiting for her to say something, or to tell them about a case they were going to start working on. Agent Carmichael had spent almost a week doing the paperwork that had piled up in the office during Monica's absence, she was eager to get out in the field but had been instructed that she was under no circumstances to rush things and put too much pressure on Monica. Dana Scully had been very clear in her instructions when she called Phoebe at home the night before telling her to tread carefully and to remember who was in charge.

By lunch time things were no different. Monica hadn't spoken to Phoebe and Phoebe was getting agitated. She wanted to at least be able to talk to her partner even if they were going to be spending the whole day in their office. Phoebe stood up and fumbled around in her bag for a few minutes before turning to Monica and biting the bullet.

"Can I get you anything for lunch Agent Doggett?"

Monica looked up but only expected and prayed that somebody was talking to John, hat he was in the room. But the room was empty and realised the question had been directed at her.

"No thank you."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok well, I'll just be a minute."

Phoebe walked out of the office and Monica felt terrible. She had come back to work to take her mind off things and to move on, to get past what had been the biggest challenge in her life to date. All she had managed to do so far was dwell on John and the fact that he wasn't sitting at the very desk she now found herself working at. For the first time that day, and in deed two weeks, she picked up a new file and examined the case inside. She could do this; it wasn't as hard as she had been making it for herself. She could control this first day back and everything that happened. So she promised to make an effort when Phoebe got back.

As Phoebe walked into the office with a big warm smile, clearly for Monica's benefit,

Monica actually smiled back and stood up with the case she had been looking at.

"Did you get a chance to look at this Mathers case?"

Through a mouthful of sandwich Phoebe nodded her head and tried to answer.

"Hmm, yeah... I umm, I looked at it when it came in yesterday."

"Well when you've finished with lunch maybe we should go and talk to the family and see what we can find out."

"Great! I mean, sure. Whatever you're comfortable with."

Monica looked at Phoebe suspiciously. There was an aura around this young woman that made Monica think someone had warned her to be extra nice. She didn't want them to start working together under false pretences; she wanted them to be able to be themselves. It was the only kind of environment she had ever worked in, and she didn't want that to change now. She sat down and watched Phoebe rush her sandwich just so she could get out of this office. Suddenly Monica knew exactly how she should spend her first day back at work with her new partner.

"How's the sandwich?"

"I've had better, but you know canteen food right."

"Yes I do. Wha'da'ya' say we get out of here and go some place for something half edible and a drink?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, I know I'd rather do that than go and see this family, and I know you wanna get out of this office probably as badly as I do."

Phoebe looked a little scared at the prospect of going against any kind of FBI protocol, and drinking with a fellow agent in the middle of the day was definitely something she had avoided so far. But she did desperately want to get out of here

and if the best way to do that and get to know her new partner was by going for a drink then so be it.

June 27th
Mulder Residence...

When Mulder opened the door to Monica and John he was joined by Anna who had been looking out for her parents from the second they had called to say they were on their way to collect her. They had spent a long afternoon doing paperwork in the office and Monica wanted nothing more than to go home with her little girl. When she saw Anna all of the things that had been going through her mind about work disappeared so she could concentrate on the rainbow of colours her daughter was showing off.

"My God John did you let her get dressed in the dark?"

"I let her wear whatever she wanted, it's good that she wants to develop her own style."

"She's four."

"My mom let me pick out my clothes when I was a kid."

"And the less said about that the better."

John tried to look offended but in stead felt completely liberated to see Monica smiling. She picked Anna up and hugged her tightly. This made everything worth it.

"I missed you so much baby."

"I missed you too mommy, daddy made pancakes for breakfast."

"He did?"

"Uh huh, and we had chocolate sprinkles, and strawberry sauce, and daddy got it on his shirt."

John was waving his arms around like a madman behind Monica to try and get Anna to stop making him look like the worlds easiest father to walk all over, but Anna enjoyed it when her parents playfully teased each other about how they treated her. It made her feel special when the two people that loved her the most had nothing better to discuss but her.

"Well I think we should get you home before you dazzle anybody else with this outfit."

Anna giggled as Monica placed her back down on the floor and took her hand.

"Thanks again Mulder."

"Hey it's my pleasure. Dana'll be sorry she missed you."

"She still at work?"

"Yeah. Workin' late."

Anna tugged at Monica's hand eager to go home so she walked to the car with her and fastened her in. John hung back to talk to Mulder.

"We still on for tomorrow night?"

"Sure. Just don't forget her favourite toy or anything like that, I don't wanna be up all night trying to get her to sleep if she's left something at home."

"I'll triple check everything before we leave her. I appreciate you doin' this for us."

"Anytime. I know what it's like when you feel you never get anytime to just be a couple."

"I bet. I just want Mon to be able to relax, this case has really taken it out of her."

"Yeah Dana said it was a tough one. Well I'm sure you'll both have a great time tomorrow."

"I hope so."

John turned around to the car and just stared for a moment at Monica laughing and talking with Anna. He'd make damn sure they had a good time this weekend they both needed it.

Chapter 24

Present Day
The Broadway Bar...

Monica had driven well out of her way to a bar where she knew they wouldn't likely be seen by any other agents or get caught completely disregarding any notion of working. She had only been to this particular bar once before, she and Dana had been for a drink to relax whilst the men took care of the kids for the day. Phoebe looked unsure or herself and her surroundings as they sat down. Monica had tried to convince her to have something a little stronger to drink because she wasn't driving, but Phoebe had stayed with her first choice of orange juice and refused to alter it.

"So, Agent Carmichael, how in the hell did you wind up in the X-Files office?"

"It kinda just happened, I asked for reassignment and they handed me down to the basement, but some of the cases I've read are fascinating."

"Give it time, the fascination will fade when work takes over your life. Then you'll be

reaching for all the alcohol you can lay your hands on."

Monica reached around in her bag for one of the three cigarettes she had left; she'd been desperately trying to bring herself to throw them away but hadn't quite managed it.

"Well I don't really drink very much, ever actually... There are two things that I don't like about people when they're in public, getting so drunk they don't remember their own name and smoking."

As if it had been a well-rehearsed comedy sketch Monica pulled out a cigarette just as Phoebe made her feelings clear on the subject.

"Oh God, I'm sorry..."

"No it's fine."

"No really, go ahead... I mean God knows it must be a comfort of sort's right? I mean after everything you've been through..."

Monica was uncomfortable with the way this woman was acting as if she knew anything about her life or what she had been through, and now she couldn't have

a ciggerete to numb the reality of it all.

"It's fine really. I should throw them away anyway."

"Oh well, allow me!"

Phoebe enthusiastically held out her hand and Monica didn't know what to say or do. She could see no other option but to give the cigarettes to Phoebe who threw them into the bin beside her with a positive glow on her face.

"So did you start smoking when... Well, when your..."

"You can say it, I'm not going to cry on you I promise. Yes I picked up smoking as if I had never quit when my husband died. Old habits die hard."

"I was so sorry to hear about Agent Doggett... I was glad that the bureau didn't let you go when they realised you were married, it wouldn't have been right."

"Maybe. So tell me about yourself, I could use the change of conversation. Why'd you wanna work for the FBI?"

Phoebe's smile faded and she looked at her drink for a few seconds before looking up at Monica and trying to smile again.

"If we're here as an attempt to make you forget about your worries and problems, we shouldn't talk about my life history."

"Why? Maybe it'll make my life seem like a walk in the park. Why'd you join the bureau?"

Phoebe desperately tried to think of a way out of this but wanted to be honest with Monica.

"I was raised by my grandparents, who are great people who I love dearly, in Florida, but I wanted to move as far away from what I knew as possible. I had some what of a reputation."

"As what?"

"As the girl who survived her mother's murder whilst in her womb."

Monica almost choked on her drink as Phoebe divulged this incredibly personal information to her.

"I don't know what to say... I... I'm sorry..."

"It's ok. She was stabbed and had there not been witnesses who acted so quickly I might not be here today. Everybody in my home town knows who I am and why I don't have a mother, so I moved away, but then at the bureau I get the reputation of being a 'spooky-mulder', whatever the hell that means. I dealt with my past, and I moved on, but I'd be lying if I said the sole reason I joined the bureau wasn't to make sure that bastards like the one that killed my mother were always caught and put behind bars."

"Unfortunately that doesn't always happen. It's a sad reality..."

"But I can make a difference. We all can. My mother's killer is behind bars, and he'll be there until the day he dies. I want to make more people like him suffer."

Monica took a sip of her drink and couldn't make up her mind whether this girl had inspiring confidence or was plain naïve about the true horrors is the world. Either way, she'd learn the truth eventually. Especially on the X-Files.

June 28th
Mulder Residence...

"So, where are you taking her?"

"The Savannah. It's the restaurant I proposed in, is that tacky?" Dana laughed.

"No, it's sweet. Monica will love it. And don't worry about Anna, she'll be fine."

"I know. But call if you need anything, or if something happens, just call."

"John would you calm down and just relax. You have the entire evening and a whole day together tomorrow, go be with your wife."

John smiled and turned to leave but quickly turned back to say goodbye to Anna, but she was already far too engrossed in the magic trick Mulder was trying to teach William to do. He smiled and knew that as long as Anna was having fun, then he may as well allow himself to have fun too.

John pulled up outside the house and hurried inside, they were running a little late and he'd made reservations that he desperately didn't want them to miss.

"Ok Mon, I'm back, you ready?"

"Just a second!"

"You had twenty minutes, you said you needed ten!"

"I'm almost ready!"

"I just don't want us to be late and lose our reservation..."

As John finished yelling up the stairs Monica appeared at the top of them with the biggest smile on her face he had ever seen. John had no words to express how phenomenal she looked. He'd never seen her look any more beautiful. She slowly walked down the stairs and slid into his arms as if she was made to fit into him like a jigsaw and he kissed her. As she tried to pull back Monica laughed as John's grip only tightened around her.

"John, we'll be late..."

"So we're late..."

"But you said..."

"Right now I just want you..."

Monica laughed and allowed John's hands to roam freely around her body but she finally found it in herself to say no.

"Down boy, I didn't get this dressed up to stay at home and satisfy your needs Mr Doggett."

"Well then Mrs. Doggett will have to make sure she leaves enough room for desert when we get home."

"Deal..." They left the house and got into the car without saying another word.

As Monica watched John studying the roads and driving so carefully she couldn't help but wish she'd let him keep them at home in stead. She wasn't overly hungry and more than anything she just wanted to be with the man she loved.

"Turn around."

"What?"

"Turn around, I wanna go back..."

"But..."

"Turn back, and we'll have desert first..."

Monica slid across her seat and began to kiss John as he tried to continue concentrating on the roads. But the beautiful woman that was practically sitting on his lap now was making it difficult for him to think about anything other than how fast he could get her into bed.

Ten minutes later Monica and John were home and falling up the stairs as they tore at each other's clothes. Any efforts to get into the bedroom were abandoned as they took advantage of the empty house and allowed themselves to divulge in each other's company on the stairs. It was something they hadn't done for a very long time, it felt exciting and new, and as they made love neither of them were concerned about missing dinner reservations.

Finally getting into their bedroom they made love again, repeatedly and they both felt so alive and free. Before they were married John had regretted so much not making the effort to be with Monica sooner, he had missed out on so much precious time with her and now he wanted to make up for that and craved her beside him. Monica felt the same way, she'd been in love with John long before that first date, that first kiss, and now finally everything was as it should be. The best things in life were worth waiting and fighting for, and as they lay in bed together just holding each other they knew that nothing would ever come between them or ruin their love for one another. This was forever, no matter what.

Chapter 25

Present Day,
Broadway Bar...

"So do you keep in contact with your grandparents?"

"Not as much as they'd like, nor as much as I should. Sometimes you just have to let go, if you constantly reach out to the things that you've known for so long and grown familiar with, you'll never live. People take too much for granted, and I don't like to think I do the same."

"Well, sometimes there are too many reminders around to forget about the past."

"Oh I don't mean you have to forget about something or someone completely. But if you dwell on the things that can't be changed or undone, then you'll drive yourself crazy and there'd be no point in going on with your life."

"It's not that easy. Believe me."

"Oh God, I'm being insensitive aren't I? I'm so sorry..."

"It's ok. And can we make a deal right now that you stop apologising to me and acting as if I'm going to break at any second. We have to work together, I would like the same kind of respect you'd give to any other fellow agent."

"You have it. Nobody deserves it more than you. I understand that you're frustrated people are treating you differently now, but that's because things are different. They wont go back to how they were. At least you have your daughter. You're lucky in that sense."

"Wha' da' ya' mean?"

"Well that's the one reminder of a lost loved one that is a priceless gift. No matter what happens to you in your life or where you go from here, you still have your daughter, and in that sense you'll always have your husband."

Monica and Phoebe had been talking for almost two hours. And all Monica wanted now was a cigarette. Phoebe had assumed to know an awful lot about Monica's loss and the way she was feeling, but all it had done was make Monica feel like she was trying to impress her in some weird way. She didn't like it, and she was frustrated that

she couldn't decide whether she liked this person or not.

Phoebe had been nice enough to talk to, and in a way Monica was glad that they got any personal stuff out of the way so there'd be no surprises or shock revelations later on. But this relationship was still a strained one and Monica wasn't sure how to make it less so. She finished her drink and looked at the time.

"Well we should go. I have to collect my priceless gift from a friend."

Monica stood up and put on her jacket. By the time Phoebe had done the same Monica already had the car keys in her hands and was walking out.

"Agent Doggett, I'm sorry if I've said something to offend you. I imagine this has been a tough day for you."

Monica stopped walking and turned to Phoebe trying to remain calm as she spoke.

"You seem to imagine to know an awful lot about me Agent Carmichael. Now, do you want taking back to the bureau or home?"

Phoebe was hurt by Monica's disregard for her apology, but there was nothing else she could do now. Her chance at the first impression she had cared so much about making a good one was over.

"I'll head back to the bureau and finish up some paperwork."

Monica drove back to the bureau in silence and when Phoebe got out of the car she could barely bring herself to say goodnight before speeding off in the direction of Mulder's house. Now she had to face Anna after their incident that morning. She had a terrible feeling that her bad day was far from over, and she took a detour to buy some cigarettes before going to collect her daughter. She was sure she'd be able to restrain herself to just have the three she had been forced to throw away.

June 29th
Doggett Residence...

When John opened his eyes Monica was facing him wide-awake. He smiled and she did the same as she leaned in to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her as she turned to lie with him and he held her close.

"Good morning..."

"Yes it is... John, last night was..."

"Perfect."

"Yeah." Monica tightened her hold on John's hands and he kissed her shoulder.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I was just thinking..."

"If it's anything to do with work then don't."

"I know... but I can't help it..."

"It's killin' me to see you like this Mon, I wanna help but I can't."

"John, you do more than you could know by just being here."

"I hope to God that's true Monica, I love you more than anything."

"I know, and I love you too. So much."

Monica turned over to face John again and moved closer to kiss him. As they continued to kiss the rest of the world faded away, and that was exactly the way it should be.

Monica was smiling again as John had managed to take her mind off of everything that she could possibly have been thinking about. He was sitting up and stroking her hair and she felt so peaceful.

"Where were we going last night?"

"What?"

"Our reservations, where were they for?" John smiled.

"The place we got engaged."

"Oh my God really?"

"Yeah, I wanted it to be special..."

"Why didn't you tell me before I made us come home?"

"Because I'm a very selfish man and would rather have been makin' love to my wife than eating in a posh restaurant."

Monica smiled and sat up so she could see him properly.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Well I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll make reservations for our anniversary."

Monica's face lit up as she realised how close their wedding anniversary was getting. John always did something unbelievably romantic and made her feel like the only person in the world who mattered, she could barely contain her excitement.

"Well then July 31st can't come quick enough."

They kissed again and as John moved in to have his wicked way again Monica pulled back.

"What is it?"

"I'm hungry..."

"Well I know the cure for that..."

He moved underneath the covers and Monica laughed as she pulled them back over his head so she could see his face.

"Well, if we go again do you promise to make me pancakes afterwards?"

"I promise. Now let me take care of this for you..."

Chapter 26

Present Day,
Mulder Residence...

Monica knocked softly on the door and put on the bravest face she could summon. Dana opened the door and she was a little surprised to see her thinking she would still be working. Dana smiled the same smile everybody had been giving Monica for two weeks now, one full of sympathy and sorrow for her. She was sick of it. She walked into the house and Jack came wobbling over to her. She picked him up and gave him a cuddle before he realised he liked it better walking around so she placed him down and looked back to Dana.

"Where's Anna?"

"She's outside with Mulder. Before you go out there, you should know she's spent most of the day in tears. I really think you should reconsider work Monica."

Monica sat down and ran her hands through her hair.

"I can't. I can't spend anymore time dwelling on this, I know it's unfair on Anna, but I can't do it, I can't do this alone, it makes me feel so sick and angry at the world. I wish I could change the way I feel, but I can't... I love my daughter more than anything, but I don't know how to do this alone."

Monica let the tears flow and Dana quickly sat beside her and took her into her arms as she cried a river of tears in just a few short minutes. Jack watched the two women with a look of bewilderment on his face. He cried when he wanted food or attention, or changing, he understood that grown-ups could do these things for themselves, so why were his mommy and aunt crying now?

Monica was grateful for the hug that Dana was still sharing with her. The two women were close friends and Monica knew that Dana cared a great deal for her. She wished just as badly as her friends did that there was something else they could do to help her get through this and come out on the other side. But right now the fact that someone was showing Monica they cared at all was all she needed to be able to face another day. As she pulled back from Dana they both wiped their eyes and looked at each other. They managed to laugh slightly and they both sighed.

"What a sorry sight we are."

"Well you needed it."

Monica smiled appreciatively and slowly stood up, Dana did the same and they both headed towards the back door. Jack slowly followed them and Dana picked him up before he got carried away and ran outside too. His cries to be let down alerted Mulder and Anna to their presence and Mulder slowly made his way back indoors.

"You should talk to her."

He put his head supportively on Monica's shoulder before walking away and allowing her to be alone with Anna.

Monica sat down beside Anna on the bench and tried not to let the fact Anna wouldn't even look at her upset her too much. She could do this.

"Anna I need to talk to you, is that ok?"

Anna shrugged her shoulders and Monica was relieved that at least she wasn't completely ignoring her.

"Anna, I know that I wasn't a very nice person to be with this morning, and that I didn't have any answers for you last night, but I have the same questions that you do. I miss your daddy too; more than anything I wish that he were waiting for us at home right now. But he isn't. It's just you and me now, and I would love for us to be able to help each other out and love each other even when things get bad. I love you so much baby. I really hate that I upset you. I'm so sorry..."

Anna looked at her mom for the first time and was heartbroken to see that she was crying again. She got onto her knees on the bench and turned to Monica for a hug, Monica pulled her so close she was almost on her lap. It felt so good, Monica knew she had to make this happen everyday, she had to show Anna that she was the most important person in the whole world. And it shouldn't be difficult because it was true.

Dana smiled to herself as she watched from the window and was startled when Mulder came from behind and put his arms around her.

"William's bathing Jack, it's gonna get very wet in there."

"I'll go up in a second."

"You ok?"

"Yeah. I just, I just never realised how much I wanted to see that happen today."

"I know. Me too."

Mulder kissed Dana as they continued to watch Monica and Anna holding onto each other as if they were all they had in the world.

June 29th
Doggett Residence...

Monica couldn't believe that it was one o'clock in the afternoon and she had only just got dressed. She went down the stairs and was greeted by the smell of pancakes from the kitchen. She walked in and was so hungry that she couldn't help taking a sample whilst John wasn't around. But as she stood chewing he came in from the garden and playfully hit her hands.

"They're not ready."

"They're delicious."

"Well of course they are."

Monica smiled and turned to the two cups of coffee on the table. She picked one up and took a sip as she looked out of the window.

"God its such a nice day."

"Yeah, I was thinkin' we could have a picnic outside to make up for not eating out last night, before we collect Anna."

"I know... I even checked her room when I got up to see if she was really not there."

"Oh my God I did the same."

They both laughed and John finally turned around with two plates of pancakes and placed them on the table. They sat down to eat and made small talk whilst enjoying being alone. They both adored their daughter and loved being parents, but there was something about being in love and being alone with the person you were in love with that made you feel something no other person could make you feel. Being a family and spending all day every day with each other was something that most people took for granted, but spending time alone as a married couple, those moments were precious and few and far between.

Without even mentioning it to each other Monica and John both made a conscious decision to make this kind of thing happen more often. They just hoped that Mulder and Dana weren't in a hurry for the favour to be repaid, having a four-year-old, a two year old and an eight year old stay over was more than either of them were looking towards coping with.

That afternoon they went for a walk and held hands the entire time. They went to the park and the children's play area and John talked Monica into going on a swing so he could push her. They both had a lot of fun and reluctantly walked home to prepare to collect Anna. When they got home the telephone was ringing and Monica quickly ran to answer it before they missed the call.

"Hello... oh hi, is everything ok? ... We couldn't ask you to do that... but she's been there since last night... are you sure? ... Ok, is she there? ... Oh, well call if you change your mind. And thanks."

Monica hung up the phone and walked up the stairs to find John.

"Mon, who was that?"

"It was Dana."

"Everythin' ok?"

"Yes actually, it appears we have another night alone..."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Anna and William want to see how many times they can watch 'Finding Nemo' before getting tired, and they begged Dana and Mulder to let Anna stay over again."

"You're kidding?"

"No... So we have the place to ourselves for a second night... I don't know that there's anything else we can do that we haven't already..."

John walked over to Monica and very seductively wrapped his arms around her and started kissing her neck.

"I'm sure I could think of a thing or two we haven't tried yet..."

Chapter 27

Present Day
Doggett Residence...

For the first time in over two weeks Monica read to Anna before she went to sleep. Anna had asked her to and they had chosen a book together when she had been bathed and changed for bed. Monica had lay on the edge of the bed before Anna had come into the room and when Anna climbed under the covers she lay close to Monica and rested her head on her lap. Holding her doll close by she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of her mother's voice easing her pain and making her feel safe and loved despite the fact her dad was nowhere to be found.

Monica knew that she was going to find it difficult to slip away from Anna without waking her, but she didn't particularly mind if she didn't slip away at all. She had made the last couple of weeks so much harder for Anna than they should have been, it was time she started acting like a mother.

When Anna was sleeping Monica spent over and hour just sitting with her. Watching her chest rise and fall as she took each breath. Adoring the fact that her little girl hadn't spent a second away from the same doll since John had died. Things were going to get easier, she could feel it. They had to. One certainty she had was that they couldn't get much harder. When she finally slipped away she went outside for a cigarette and was disappointed when it made her feel sick. She knew that it was her body's subtle way of saying 'you shouldn't be doing this' and she decided to listen to it. She threw the entire pack that she had bought just a few hours earlier into the bin and she didn't look back as she walked back into the house and looked forward instead of dwelling on the past.

That night Monica dreamt about John again. She dreamt about the weekend they had shared together just a few short days before she would never see him again. It had been the best weekend she could remember them having in a long time, alone anyway. They had shared some wonderful weekends as a family, just the three of them, but that weekend they had alone almost seemed as if it were a sign now. A warning that if things are gonna be this good for you, be prepared to accept the bad afterwards. Almost as if that weekend was a mockery of their life, someone playing a joke saying 'yeah you can have this couple of days, but then that's it, you're a goner pal'. It seemed unfair and unjust. But then so did everything that had happened to her in the past two weeks.

Somehow Monica found a power within to hold onto the dream of that weekend so she could feel John close. Almost as if he were there beside her. She had slept with one of his shirts every night and soothed by his scent, but now she was sure she could feel him beside her again. And it was the best nights sleep she had in a long time.

June 29th, Dancing Zorba's...

As Monica finished her meal she sat back into her chair trying to let the food settle on her stomach. John had finally allowed them to leave the bedroom to go out for something to eat and he had driven them to small restaurant they had been to quite a lot, which made a special effort to be known for it's romantic atmosphere after seven in the evening. 'Dancing Zorba's' served great food, had friendly waiters, and played music that you could fall asleep to it was so relaxing and calming. John smiled across the table as he watched Monica looking around the room. He had the sudden urge to dance with her. So he stood up and walked beside her as she watched amused and wondering what he was doing.

"Dance with me."

"What?"

"Dance with me, come on."

"But John we can't..."

"Yeah we can..."

He lifted Monica from her seat and placed his arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. They began to slowly move to the music as onlookers watched smiling and pointing occasionally. When Monica finally got over the giggles she closed her eyes and let John and the music transport her into another world. A world where she never had to worry about anything, where she was protected and loved by John, and where they could love and protect their daughter from all the harm in the world.

As her thoughts drifted to their daughter she came back to reality and realised she was missing her. They hadn't spent more than one evening apart since the day she was born and now they had spent an entire weekend apart. What if something went wrong and she wasn't there to help or support her little girl? John could feel her body tense up and become reluctant to sway along side his so he stopped and looked at her with concerned eyes.

"Mon what is it?"

"I was thinking about Anna... I miss her..." John smiled.

"Me too. But this weekend is for us."

"I know... But, sometimes I..."

"You what?"

"I get scared."

"Of what?"

"Of what might happen, of the bad things that could happen to you, or to Anna. And that I won't be there."

"Why you got some place else you'd rather be?"

"John... I'm serious."

"Well so am I. Monica listen to me, you, me, and Anna. We're a family. We're here to love and protect each other. And we will. We're gonna grow old together and watch Anna go to college and leave home to get married and have a family of her own. And when we're old and wrinkly and losing our minds we'll be sat on the front porch waiting for Anna to come get us for the holidays to be with our grandchildren. Nothing is going to change that. Do you hear me?"

John lifted up Monica's chin with his hand and she met his eyes with the gaze he was giving her.

"My God I love you."

He smiled as she leaned forwards to kiss him and they both suddenly became very conscious of the people watching around them.

"You wanna get out of here?"

"Yes sir I do."

"Gimme a sec to pay the check."

John paid for their meal in record time and they were soon back in the car and then home settling in for another night alone together.

As they lay holding each other in bed they were both lost in their own thoughts. And they were both unaware of the fact they were thinking about the same things. About how much they loved each other, how much they loved their daughter, and that they would move heaven and earth to do anything in order to protect their family and their happiness.

Chapter 28

July 18th
Present Day
X-Files Office...

Monica got to work early, purposely to prepare herself for being nicer to Phoebe. She knew their first day could have gone a lot better, and yes it could also have been worse, but Monica hadn't really tried, and taking her to a bar instead of working with her might not have been the best way for them to start their professional relationship.

When Phoebe walked into the office full of bounce and energy, she was clearly shocked to see Monica there and her energy disappeared like air from a burst balloon. Monica was amused at the reaction she was receiving but was determined to make an effort today. Anna had happily walked into the Mulder residence without fuss and with a great big hug for her mother before going to find William. There was no better way to start a day in her book. So now she owed it to Phoebe to make both their days as easy as possible. Then again when was life ever easy on the x-files?

"Good morning Agent Doggett."

"Agent Carmichael. How are you this morning?"

"Good. You?"

"Great. Yeah. So, I was thinking we should probably go and see that family we avoided yesterday."

"I believe it was you who chose to avoid the family Agent Doggett."

That hit Monica hard and brought it home just how much she had gotten onto the wrong side of this young woman. But rather than throw up her defences and be as snappy back at her, she knew she had to be adult about this. And besides Phoebe was right, it was Monica who chose for them to blow off work in favour of a drink in a bar.

"Look Agent Carmichael, I apologise for my behaviour yesterday, it was wrong of me to take you away from work and to expect us to be able to respect each other in that kind of environment. I'm not making excuses but it was a long and difficult day for me, I honestly didn't know if I'd make it through that door again after what I've been through. But I'm here, and I want to work, and I want us to be able to work together. Do you think we can start again and try and make this work?"

Phoebe looked at Monica and was desperate to rush over and accept her apology and tell her she completely understood, but instead she played it cool and tried to be a little more restrained about it all.

"Yes. I think that would be a great place to start."

"Ok, well then lets get out of here. You can drive."

Monica threw the keys at Phoebe who thanked God as she caught them and she followed Monica out of the office with a smile on her face. Maybe working down here wasn't going to be so bad after all.

June 30th
Doggett Residence...

Despite their slightly more sombre evening together and their hurry to see their daughter again, when John and Monica woke up on Sunday morning they both prolonged the amount of time they just lay together knowing that the following evening and morning Anna would be back in the next room ready to quite rightfully expect their full attention and cooperation. John pulled Monica close to him and she closed her eyes as he held her.

"This weekend has been unbelievable."

"I'll say. My mom warned me that you New York men liked your dirty weekends..."

"Don't give me that, I seem to recall you practically on top of me in the car on Friday night..."

"What can I say, you're a bad influence. My mom was right though."

"Aint nothin' wrong with two married people showing each other they love one another."

Monica laughed and turned to face John.

"Well I think we made our love pretty clear."

"Just don't tell your ma I took advantage, I already get knots in my stomach whenever they visit."

"John we haven't seen my parents since Christmas! Besides, my parents like you... You helped give my mother her only grandchild, you're the answer to her prayers."

"Well whatever I can do to help. Where is it they went again?"

"They're in Italy for a month. My dad surprised her for their fortieth wedding anniversary."

"Smart man, I guess I got a lot to live up to."

"You better believe it."

"Well then here's to our fortieth wedding anniversary."

"Amen to that."

Monica kissed John and he slowly manoeuvred himself over her. Monica felt herself come alive whenever he was near her, and now was no exception as they made love again.

"I told you my mom was right..."

"Well I'll get you a T-Shirt that says New York men do it best, think your mom'd approve?"

"No!"

"Too bad, it'd make me look great."

Just before lunch time John and Monica pulled up outside the Mulder residence and looked at one another smiling.

"My God I can't believe how badly I just want to get in there and see her."

"Then let's go."

They both got out of the car and as Monica lifted her hand to knock on the door John quickly held her back for a moment.

"What is it John?"

"I just wanted to tell you again that I meant it when I said we'd always be here together, no matter what."

"I know. No matter what."

John smiled and gently pulled his wife towards him and kissed her as the front door burst open. They pulled apart quickly and turned to a grinning Mulder at the door.

"Knock it off you guys, haven't you had enough of that this weekend?"

Monica walked into the house and left the men to their boy talk.

"You're a married man Mulder, you gotta know what it's like to have your wife to yourself for the whole weekend with no reason at all to get out of bed."

"Well I gotta tell you John, it's been a while."

"Well then I owe you one."

"Promises, promises. Besides Dana'd never go for it."

"Talk her into it. You won't regret it."

The two men walked out to the back garden where Monica already had Anna swooped into her arms for the longest hug they had ever shared. Dana was playing with Jack and William as they arranged their toys around the blanket that had been lay down for them to sit on. Monica and Dana walked over to John and Mulder as Anna ran over to John.

"Hey sweetheart!"

"Daddy!"

He picked her up and kissed her before hugging her and relishing in the fact that his little girl was in his arms.

"Did you have a fun weekend?"

"Uh huh, William and me watched 'Finding Nemo' five times!"

John looked at Dana and Mulder as they both slowly shook their heads at the painful memory of the same children's movie five times in a row.

"Well, we should get out of your way, let you get back to reality."

"Thank you so much for taking care of her."

"It's been a pleasure. It was nice to have some female company."

Mulder took Dana's hand and kissed it as she joked and they all walked to the front door. William followed almost dragging Jack along by his tiny hands not wanting to miss the chance to say goodbye. Dana picked up Jack and William walked to the car with Anna talking about their plans for another sleep over to watch 'The Lion King'. When Anna was in the car Mulder picked up William and they stood to wave them off. John got into the car as Monica kissed Jack and William goodbye.

"Thank you so much for this, we had an amazing weekend."

"Any time."

Monica got into the car and everybody waved to each other as the car pulled away. William ran back inside and Dana rested an exhausted head on Mulder's shoulder.

"Never. Again."

"Hell no. Two kids, more than enough. And why do four-year-old girls have so much more energy?"

"I don't know. But I know I love my boys."

"Yeah. Me too. Their mom's not that bad either."

Chapter 29

July 18th
Mathers' Residence...

As Monica and Phoebe got out of the car Monica was alarmed at how calm she was. This was her first time in the field without John by her side in over eight years. A new case, and he wasn't there to meet the victim's family, or to give her his theory. But she was ok, she knew that she could do this, and she knew that she had to have faith in Agent Carmichael. They walked to the front door and knocked softly and they were soon greeted by an elderly looking woman who stared at them without saying a word.

"Hi, I'm Agent Carmichael this is Agent Doggett, may we come in and speak with Mr Mathers?"

The woman didn't move or show any signs that she had even heard what Phoebe had said to her. A man appeared behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. The woman turned to look at him and frowned.

"Mom it's ok, they're here to help find Luke, it's ok."

The woman moved away from the door and the man stepped forward to invite them in.

"I'm Patrick, Mathers. You're from the FBI?"

"Yes. Mr Mathers we're apologise for any inconvenience this may cause, we just want to help find your son. Now his name is Luke Mathers?"

"That's right."

"And the local PD have been looking for him since Monday is that correct?"

Mr Mathers just nodded his head slowly and then he turned to look at Monica. She hadn't said a single word since she arrived. And she knew that it was hearing that name that was making this so difficult. Luke. She had investigated a case with a young boy named Luke missing; she had no desire to help in another one.

"Are you from the FBI too?"

"Yes sir."

Phoebe looked at Monica and didn't know what was wrong but she knew that she would clearly have to continue with Mr Mathers as if she were alone.

"Mr Mathers, when did you last see your son?"

"Sunday night, I put him to bed, like I always do, and then Monday morning when I went to wake him for school he was gone."

"And you heard nothing through the night, any kind of disturbance, or unusual activity?"

Mr Mathers shook his head.

"And what about Luke's mother?"

"Marg and I have been separated for two years. She hasn't seen Luke since just before

Christmas. You think she could have done this?"

"I'm afraid we can't speculate sir. But we do need to speak to your wife, does she live in the area?"

"Yeah. I'll, I'll get you her address."

Mr Mathers walked out of the room and Phoebe turned to look at Monica.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I just seem to be getting hit by all these signs that I shouldn't be back at work."

"What are you talking about?"

"John, he had a... he had a son, with his first wife. He was killed when he was eight years old, his name was Luke."

"Oh God, I had no idea."

"No reason to. But um, why is this even an x-file?"

"The note the kidnapper left."

Phoebe handed Monica a photocopy of the kidnappers note and Monica read it quietly to herself: 'we have your son, wait for our instructions or he'll die, no police, no FBI, just you and us, God intended for us to walk this path, for this to be how we resolve our situation. The Devil takes all those that cannot be saved, he will take your boy if you do not do as we say. God and Satan said it will be so.' Monica finished reading the note with a chill running down her spine. Why hadn't she been shown this right away? Why hadn't the FBI got involved as soon as the case was opened? Something was very wrong with this whole thing.

"Agent Carmichael, why hasn't the FBI been here already?"

"Because of the note, they though it might be a prank, someone the family know playing a trick, so they left it to the PD, then the note found its way to the X-Files office and I opened a case because of the religious undertone, this has more to it than we're seeing. The way the kidnaper uses words like 'us' and 'our' suggests that the kidnapper and Mr Mathers know each other, the FBI didn't want to get involved."

"Well you're certainly getting the hang of the job if you're already opening cases that every other agent at the bureau deemed not worthy." Mr Mathers walked back into the room and handed them a small piece of paper.

"This is her address."

"Thank you Mr Mathers. We'll be in touch."

The two women walked out of the house and Monica got into the drivers seat.

"Where are we going?"

"To speak to Mrs. Mathers."

July 1st, X-Files Office...

Monica picked up the phone as it rang with an energy she hadn't experienced in a long time. Her weekend with John had been wonderful, and even now she was back at work and faced with their usual routine things couldn't have been better. John had taken the day off to stay with Anna instead of her being sent to Mulder again. They agreed he could use a break from her, so Monica was working alone for the day but had no intention of doing anything but paperwork. She picked up the phone and put on her slightly more professional voice.

"Monica Reyes."

"Agent Reyes, this is Detective Alan from Silver Springs, there's been a development I thought you'd wanna know about."

"What is it?"

"We had to let Adam Davies go."

"What?"

"He has an alibi for the time he wasn't with the Gooding girl that night."

"Who?"

There was a long pause and Monica knew what name he was going to say before he did.

"Mia Dukes. She came forward last night and said she was with him at the time of the murder. We pulled some more prints off of the murder weapon, it could have been handled by anybody in that house."

"Well can't you tell which prints are the freshest?"

"We're working on it, but the hammer was in the pond for days after it was used."

"That wont remove prints."

"No, it just makes out job a little more complicated. Anyway, I thought you'd wanna know what was happening, and if you feel like lending your FBI expertise to us on this we'd welcome you back here."

"Gimme an hour."

Monica put down the phone and rushed through the paperwork she had made a start on. She had known all along that this case was far from over. And now they were back at the beginning with nothing but six kids word of mouth. Somebody had to know what happened that night and she was going to find out whom. As she threw down her report and put on her jacket the phone rang again and she quickly answered it with a less polite tone than in her previous phone conversation.

"Reyes."

"Hey Mon, how's it going?"

"John, good. Everything's fine."

"You sound a little frustrated, you sure nothing's happened?"

"Nothing. What's wrong John?"

"Oh, umm, Anna wants to make us dinner tonight, and I promised I'd call and ask you if she'd go and brush her teeth."

"At ten am?"

"I know, I know, but I can't tell her what to do without bribing her, she's too sweet."

"John that girl has you wrapped around her tiny little finger."

"She does not... Anyway, what do you want for dinner?"

"Umm I don't know, you decide."

"But Anna wanted to know what you wanted."

"Well then make something up and tell her I said it, look John I gotta go ok, I'll see you tonight."

Monica hung up the phone and even as she was swiftly walking out of the office all

she wanted to do was run back and call John to apologise. But her head was already in Maryland.

Chapter 30

Present Day
Mrs. Mathers' Residence...

"Mrs. Mathers? Marg Mathers?"

"Yes... Who are you?"

"I'm Agent Carmichael, this is Agent Doggett, we're from the FBI and we'd just like to ask you a few questions about your son, Luke."

"He's dead isn't he?"

Monica looked at the woman with an unpleasant feeling in her gut. This woman was disregarding her son's life so easily, why wasn't she in tears and begging them to find him safe and bring him home? But then she remembered what the boy's father had said. That Mrs. Mathers hadn't seen her son in months.

"May we come inside?"

"I've got nothing to say to you people. I already had the police here thinking I had him hidden away in the basement or something. He's my boy too, but I know that if he was alive you'd have found him already, now leave me alone."

"Mrs. Mathers, may I speak with you mother to mother?"

The woman looked at Monica and slowly nodded her head.

"How old is Luke?"

"Oh it's in the case file, hang on..."

Monica grabbed Phoebe's arm to stop her opening the file and she looked at Monica alarmed before watching her interact with Mrs. Mathers.

"He's six."

"My daughter is almost five, and I spend each waking moment of every day worrying about her and wishing I could be with her rather than working, or doing other things with my time. I can't begin to understand what it's like to lose a child, but I do know what it's like to lose someone that you love dearly, and no matter what the police or your husband think, we just wanna talk to you and find your little boy, nobody is going to accuse you of anything or make you do or say anything that you're not comfortable with. So, would it be ok if we came inside for a few minutes?"

Mrs. Mathers looked at Monica and was clearly developing a newfound respect for her. Nobody had talked to her like a human being about her son's disappearance; she had only been spoken to as a suspect. But now there was somebody offering her help only a mother could. She nodded her head and Monica smiled, but Mrs. Mathers looked at Phoebe and held up her hand.

"Not you. Just her. I'll only talk to her."

Monica looked at Phoebe and smiled reassuringly.

"It's ok. Wait in the car. This wont take long."

They walked inside the house and Phoebe looked on bewildered before walking over to the car and getting into the driver's seat ready for her next instruction.

July 1st, Silver Spring Maryland, Police Station...

Monica got out of the car and was greeted by Detective Alan before she'd even entered the building.

"Agent Reyes, thanks for coming."

"Any more news?"

"None as yet. We're waiting on print analysis on the murder weapon, and we're trying to find an independent witness to say they saw Mia Dukes and Adam Davies together that night."

"Where did they say they were?"

"They didn't. But Davies refuses to talk about it, and Dukes wont tell us anymore than she was with him. We just didn't have enough to hold him."

"Have you tried talking to Mia again?"

"No. We thought maybe you might like to try."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Well from what I heard she was pissed you didn't see her before you left last week. Maybe if you sweet-talk her she'll let something slip. She's visiting her mother, but she should be back at the children's home by lunch."

"Ok, well I'll get right over there."

"Thanks, I appreciate your help."

Monica got back into the car and drove to the children's home to face Mia. She didn't know that it would help any but she would do whatever it took to get to the bottom of this. Whatever it took.

Whilst waiting for Mia's return Monica had been invited to speak to the woman in charge of the home about Mia's behaviour and overall character. Monica wasn't sure it was any of her business or that it would assist in the case at all, but she found herself curiously drawn to finding out more about Mia and why she was the angry and unfriendly teen that she was.

"Agent Reyes, you must understand that Mia Dukes is a very unfortunate child."

"As are all the kids in here."

"She lost her mother at just six years old, she's been in more homes in the last eight years than most people live in their whole lives. And I'm sure the note from her father must have confused her terribly."

"Excuse me, the note from her father?"

"Yes. A few days before the Gooding's were murdered, Mia's father, Paul Brady, contacted them. He wanted to come and see her, to maybe take her to live with him in California."

"How much did Mia know about this?"

"Well from what I was told by the Gooding's Mia was fully aware of her father's wishes and was furious with him. She didn't want to live with him, but the Gooding's were reluctant to keep her when her own father was so keen to take her, as far as I know they had contacted him and been discussing arrangements for him to visit."

"And Mia was against the idea?"

"Oh very much so. She said she'd rather be dead than go anywhere near him. But the Gooding's were already preparing to let her go."

Monica stood up and thanked the woman for her time quickly walking out of the building whilst dialling Detective Alan's number.

"Alan."

"It's Agent Reyes, you need to pick up Mia Dukes for further questioning."

"What are you talking about?"

"She had a motive."

Chapter 31

Present Day
Mrs. Mathers' Residence...

Monica got into the car and took a deep breath before looking at Phoebe to start the car and drive on.

"Well? What did she say?"

"That she left her husband because she fell out of love with him, and felt so guilty that she left their son with him so he wouldn't be alone, that she became so focused on her career that she even forgot she had a son at times, and that she only saw him on birthdays and at Christmas unless she had the sudden urge to see him."

"The sudden urge? You shouldn't need a sudden urge to be a parent and be with your child, some people just shouldn't be allowed to breed."

"Well, either way, the only guilt that woman has is of feeling like a terrible mother."

"And rightly so."

"Agent Carmichael, sometimes it's not that straight forward. Don't judge a mother or her actions until you know what it's like to be a mother yourself."

"You're condoning her actions as a parent?"

"No, I'm saying that she was doing what she thought was best for her son. And she certainly didn't kidnap him. So lets go talk to the local PD and see what they have so far."

Phoebe started the car without another word and Monica knew that she had been strong and honest, but only in a professional way, she hoped that this wouldn't put any further strain on their working relationship.

At the police department there wasn't a great deal more for Monica and Phoebe to learn, and neither of them were sure that the case was of any kind of priority to the police. They were given simple, and wherever possible, one word answers, to their questions, and that they could have whatever they wanted to help find this kid because they had a lot more work than they did man power.

Monica disliked this man right away, whereas Phoebe tried to use her young womanly charm to get the officer to be a little more cooperative and helpful to them. It was no use and they were soon back out in the car and heading back to the bureau.

"Agent Doggett where are we going?"

"There's nothing else we can do here. And apart from the fact that I feel obliged to help as a woman and as a parent this case is not an x-file. I'll write up a report and hand it to Skinner recommending that the bureau get involved because of the lack of response from the PD. It's back to the office Agent Carmichael."

Phoebe desperately wanted to argue the case and get them to stay a little longer, but part of her knew that Monica was right. She just desperately wanted to find this little boy.

When they got back to the x-files office the telephone was ringing and Monica reached it just in time to answer.

"Monica Rey... Doggett."

"Monica!"

"Mom?"

"We're back! But we took a detour, we're going to be at your place by six, we have so many gifts for Anna, we've missed her."

"Mom, we need to talk."

"We'll see you at six, tell John we said hello. Bye baby!"

Monica put down the phone and felt foolish for thinking this day might not come. She knew she'd have to tell her parents at some point. But she didn't want to. After this there was no one else to tell, which meant it was all over and she really would have to stop thinking about it all the time.

July 1st, Doggett Residence...

Monica was late. She knew it. And she knew that Anna would be upset, and John would be angry. She walked into the kitchen and it was empty. Plates were stacked clean and dry ready to put away, and the surfaces sparkled. She had missed dinner, and Anna was quite possibly already sleeping. She went up the stairs and heard John's voice coming from Anna's room. He was reading to her, at least that meant she was still awake and Monica could apologise. She walked into the room and tried to put on her warmest smile.

"Mommy!"

"Hey baby."

Anna jumped out of bed and ran over to Monica who picked her up and walked back

towards the sheets and blankets now strewn across the bed.

"You missed dinner mommy, I helped cook."

"I know baby, I'm sorry. I had a lot of work to do today, I had to do your daddy's share so he could be here with you."

Monica tickled Anna as she lay her back down in bed and John stood up.

"Goodnight sweetheart."

"Night daddy."

John walked out of the room and Monica watched him go racked with guilt.

"Ok, let's get you off to sleep ok?"

"Ok. Mommy, can I cook for you tomorrow night?"

"Of course you can. Goodnight baby."

"Night mommy, love you."

"I love you too."

Monica slowly pulled the bedroom door to and headed towards her own bedroom.

John was sitting on the bed with his back to he and she wasn't at all sure about how she should handle this.

"Where were you?"

"I was in Maryland. They let Davies go and needed my help moving the case along."

"I see."

"We've spent all afternoon looking for Mia Dukes, she had a motive, the Gooding's were going to send her to live with her father and she didn't want to go."

"That's all very fascinating Mon, but what about your family here?"

"John don't do this..."

"You didn't even call to say you'd be late! Anna was so disappointed, I was disappointed."

"And that's what this is all about! Not Anna, you! My God John, lately it's as if you want to own me, control my every move my every thought."

"That's BS."

"Is it? Because I'm not so sure. I'm a big girl John, I know what I'm doing."

"You have no idea Monica. Not one idea. You get so wrapped up in cases like this that you forget you're a whole other person when your mind isn't being intruded by work! I leave work in that office the second I step foot out of the bureau. You bring so much home with you. Where do Anna and I fit in?"

"After the weekend we just had you're asking me where you fit in?! Are you serious with this?!"

"Yes!"

"Well I'm sorry if I bring a little humanity into my work, I'm not a robot John, I can't just switch my emotions on and off like you can. Hot one minute, cold the next. If I get involved in a case it's because it's important, and if you knew me at all you'd know that this case is important to me because I have to prove that I wasn't the cause for Mia Dukes' life turning out the way it did!"

"You killed her uncle and sent her mom to a mental hospital for the rest of her life, figure it out for yourself will ya."

John stood up and walked out of the room slamming the door shut of the spare room next door. Monica sat down on the bed and wanted to scream. She ran her hands through her hair and began to cry just as Anna appeared at her door.

"Mommy? Where's daddy?"

"It's ok baby, it's ok. Come on, let's get you back into bed."

Monica took Anna into her room and stayed with her until she was asleep. What the hell was going on here? How could things change so much in so short a period of time?

Chapter 32

Present Day
Doggett Residence...

"Mommy, I don't wanna see gran'ma and gran'pa Reyes..."

"Oh baby, you haven't seen them for so long, and they've got some great gifts for you from their vacation."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Have they bought daddy gifts too?" Monica swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled at Anna.

"I guess they will have." A car pulled up outside and Anna ran to the window.

"They're here mommy!"

Anna ran to the door and opened it before Monica had even stood up. She took a deep breath and tried to not cry before she'd even said anything to her parents as she heard them exclaiming how Anna had grown and that they had missed her. Monica walked outside and her parents kissed and hugged her before allowing her to help them carry their luggage inside so that the taxi could leave.

When they were all inside and Anna had settled happily on her grandma's lap to wriggle into the T-Shirt they had bought her, they made polite chat about their vacation before her father finally mentioned the 'J' word.

"Where's John? Didn't you tell him we were coming?"

Anna looked at her mother and ran over to her. Monica picked her up, but after a short comforting hug she sent her daughter to her room, not wanting her to hear her father's death described yet again. When Anna had gone Monica's parents knew that there was something seriously wrong.

"Oh Monica, you're getting a divorce aren't you?"

"What?"

"I knew it, has he met someone else? Was he cheating? I warned you about those New Yorkers!"

"Mom! Would you let me talk."

Monica's parents looked at her not used to her raising her voice or demanding their attention. Monica had been hoping this would be easier that it had been to tell everyone else, but she couldn't get any kind of sentence to form in her head.

"Monica, baby, what's wrong?"

Monica looked at her mother and was surprised as her dad came and sat beside her. He put his arm around her and she burst into tears. It was only then that she knew why she couldn't speak. It was because she didn't have to. Her dad knew what was wrong.

And as her mom watched her cry, she knew it too.

"Oh Monica, oh no. Please no..."

Monica looked at her mom through teary eyes and was joined by her on the sofa, then having a parent on either side of her.

"Oh my sweet angel, what happened?"

"He was shot... He saved my life, and the lives of five children..."

"Oh Monica. My poor baby."

Her mother at some point had given Monica every nickname possible throughout her life. And now in this time of tragedy there was no exception to her mother's pet names for her. It was a reassuring safety that Monica could hold onto and feel safe with. Her father pulled her into an embrace as her mother stroked her hair. And the three of them sat and cried as Anna sat listening from the foot of the stairs holding onto her doll, and the T-Shirt her grandparents had just given her.

July 1st, Doggett Residence...

Monica stood outside the spare room for almost fifteen minutes before finally knocking softly and walking inside. John was sitting on the edge of the bed and she walked in to sit behind him. They had their backs to each other, but sometimes that was the best way to settle a confrontation.

"John..."

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me, I don't know why I lost it like I did."

"I really am sorry. I should have called."

"It's ok. I think... I think I was just worried. After you were so paranoid about something happening to Anna or I, that you wouldn't be here for us, I guess I got scared too. About what would happen if I wasn't here."

"Why, you got someplace else you'd rather be?"

She felt John move and knew he'd laughed a little at recalling his own reassurances to Monica in the restaurant that weekend.

"No. I don't. But sometimes I ask myself why I was lucky enough to have you fall in love with me."

"You weren't lucky John. Love doesn't involve luck. It was meant to be this way."

"I'm sorry I made it sound like a bad thing that you got involved in your work during home hours. Truth is, it's one of the reasons I love you so much. Your ability to be a human being as well as an FBI agent."

"I'm sorry I said you were a robot."

They both managed a small laugh and then laughed again as the bed bounced beneath them.

"So what do you say we go back into our room and forget that this ever happened?"

"You're a smart woman Mrs. Doggett."

Monica smiled and turned around to see John already looking at her. They both turned around completely and moved closer to kiss and then lay down on the bed holding each other. After a few minutes Monica was laughing as John began to squirm around.

"Jesus Mon, this bed is so uncomfortable."

Monica sat up and took his hand to lead him out of the room into their own bedroom.

"Well let's see if we can't make ourselves a little more comfortable in here."

The next morning everything ran like clockwork. Anna was dropped off with Mulder, where William was delighted to have a play mate back that wouldn't just shove all of his toys in their mouth like his brother loved so much to do. And John and Monica were in the office in record time. As they walked inside the phone was ringing and Monica answered it whilst John made some coffee.

"Agent Reyes, it's Detective Alan. We found Mia Dukes."

"Have you questioned her again?"

"No. There's been a small development."

"What is it."

"The reason we couldn't find her yesterday, she was at her mother's hospital. Her mother died in the early hours of the morning. Maybe you should get back out here."

"We'll be right there."

Chapter 33

July 19th
Present Day
Doggett Residence...

Monica's parents had quite obviously stayed at the house with their daughter. There hadn't been much talking the previous night, but there hadn't been the need for it. Now in the harsh light of day Monica was faced with having to answer her parents many questions about what she would do, and how she would cope as a single mother.

The only saving grace was that they had insisted upon Monica going to work, and they would watch Anna. Anna was resistant at first but at her mother's insistence she had finally accepted that her grandparents would be taking care of her for the day. Monica promised to try and get home early and hated seeing Anna look so upset as she got into the car and drove away to work.

When she got to work Monica was surprised to find she had arrived before Phoebe again, but sat down to calm herself for the day ahead before concerning herself with the absence of the young woman in her office. Monica made coffee and sat down to lose herself in her thoughts whilst thinking about Anna and her parents, and the Mathers' family that she had met the day before. She didn't want to call it a family because they weren't living together in the same house, loving each other, and making their lives about protecting each other.

When Phoebe finally showed up she did so with a dismal look on her face and repeated apologies.

"It won't happen again."

"It's ok, really."

"But I shouldn't let my personal life effect my job."

"Phoebe would you calm down. My God, if I had a dollar for every time John or I had let our personal lives interfere with our work, well then I wouldn't need to work anymore because I'd be rich."

Phoebe managed a small smile as did Monica. This was what they had both been striving for without much success. They had reached a mutual ground and understanding. Now they could work together.

After a good day at work Monica was looking forward to getting home in the hope that her good day with Phoebe would continue into a good night with her parents. When she got home she could hear Anna in the garden and went outside to find her dad and Anna playing with her dolls on a blanket. They both looked up at her arrival and stood up to walk to her. Monica lifted Anna up for a kiss and held her as Monica's dad kissed her.

"How was work?"

"It was good. I have a new partner, and I think it's going to work out."

"Good. You're mother went shopping, she says your cupboards are empty and you have no healthy food for her granddaughter."

Monica laughed and kissed Anna again before letting her go to play with her dolls again.

"I'm seeing a whole new side to you papa, dolls?"

"She's my granddaughter, and I told her we could do whatever she wanted."

"Well I appreciate it. I wish I could be with her, but I have to work."

"Your mother has plenty of thoughts on that topic."

"Yeah, I figured she might."

"I'm proud of you Monica."

Monica looked at her father surprised at his comment. She was close to her parents, but they didn't see each other much and her father wasn't one to wear his hear on his sleeve. He pulled her to hug him and then went back to Anna and her dolls as she gave him an education on each of their names.

Monica's mother cooked for them, and Anna tried as hard as possible to pick out all of the strange food and vegetables that she didn't like the colour or the taste of. Monica was reminded of her own childhood and wanted to laugh as she watched her parents looking at Anna and her actions. After dinner Anna was bathed and in bed earlier than usual but had been told she was allowed to play quietly for half an hour in her room first. Monica sat with her parents in the garden with a glass of wine and waited for the questions to roll in.

"Monica, you're sure about this work thing?"

"Mom, this 'work thing' is my job. It's going to keep a roof over mine and Anna's heads, and food on our table."

"But now more than ever Anna needs you close to her."

"I am close to her. And I have friends that she's grown up knowing as family to help take care of her."

"Grown up? Monica she's four years old. Four going on forty, how wise she is."

"And that's a problem?"

"She's still a baby. You need to show her that."

"Mom, I know how to take care of my daughter, and I appreciate your being here, I really do, but you gotta let me do this my way. I need to work."

"Not if you came to live with your father and I..." Monica and her father both looked at Mrs. Reyes astounded at what she had said before looking at each other. Her father mumbled something in Spanish under his breath and Monica looked at her mother.

"Mom, I can't do that. And I know you know I can't do that. It's so good having you here, but don't make the day come when I want you to leave. I want you to be able to leave and me miss you. I can do this, you know I can." Monica stood up and kissed both of her parents before going inside. Her parents looked at each other and sighed.

"She's a strong woman Sophia, let her be who she is."

"I'm so worried about her. She adored that man."

"And she still does. But she knows what she's doing. You know that."

"I know. That's what scares me."

July 2nd, Present Day, Silver Spring, Maryland...

Monica had let John drive them to Silver Spring knowing that had she driven herself she wouldn't have had the presence of mind to drive carefully enough. This just kept getting harder and harder. And the more that happened the further away from a suspect they came. Maybe nobody in the house had killed the Gooding's. Maybe Monica had been right all along in saying that she didn't believe any of the children had done it. But as they arrived at the children's home they both got out of the car knowing that this wasn't personal anymore, it was serious. They needed answers and they needed for this to be over.

In the children's home they searched high and low for Mia Dukes aided by two officers from the local PD, but they couldn't locate her. They had been led to believe she entered the house that morning and they hadn't seen her leave so assumed she was still there. But when John found a wide-open bathroom window he knew that Mia was onto their need to talk with her and she had run away from them and their questions. John found Monica and showed her the window, she cursed under her breath before going back out to the car and waiting patiently for John to get in beside her.

"Where to?"

"Police station. We can't leave until I've spoken with Mia. She'll turn up somewhere."

"Where do you think she is?"

"I don't know. But I don't know that I believe she's so innocent in all of this anymore."

"Why the change of attitude?"

"Why run if you're guilty of no crime?"

"But Mon, her mother just died. For all we know she could just be upset and alone."

"Why your change in attitude?"

"I guess I just came to see it from your point of view. You have a way of making people see the sense in things the way you see it." Monica smiled and kissed John's cheek.

"What was that for?"

"For believing in me, despite my constant change of mind."

"All part of the service ma'am." Monica laughed as they pulled off and headed to the police station totally unaware that Mia Dukes was watching them from across the road.

At the police station Monica was ushered to one side by Detective Alan who had some news for her.

"Adam Davies is here, he wants to talk to you, he says he knows who murdered the Gooding's, but he'll only talk to you." Monica looked at John and nodded as his way of saying she had to do this. So she went into the familiar room she had been in with Adam before and sat down at the table opposite him.

"Adam..."

"I don't want any questions, I just wanna tell you what I know and get the hell out of here."

"Ok..." Monica looked at Adam and saw that he was terrified. She was desperate to know who or what of.

"Adam, who killed Mr and Mrs. Gooding?"

"Mia Dukes."

Chapter 34

July 30th
Present Day, X-Files Office...

Monica stretched and yawned as she prepared herself for going home. Her parents had been gone for three days now and she was surprised at how quickly she had gotten used to having them around to miss them so much now they were gone again. They had called her everyday since departing however, to check that she was ok, and to talk to Anna to make sure she looked forward to seeing them next time rather than feared it.

As Monica decided it was time to go home the phone rang and she quickly picked it up answering in a way that had suddenly become natural to her.

"Monica Doggett."

"Hi, this is a courtesy call from 'The Savannah' we'd just like to check the reservation under 'Doggett' is still required for tomorrow evening?"

"Excuse me?"

"Table for two, seven pm, the name 'Doggett'. Do I have the wrong number?" Oh God. She'd forgotten. She had actually forgotten the date. Tomorrow was the 31st. It would have been her and John's sixth wedding anniversary. He must have booked the table right after the weekend before he died... Monica could barely hear the woman on the other end of the phone let alone try and speak to her.

"Ma'am, do you still require the reservation?" Monica took a deep breath. She didn't want to say it. She couldn't say it. But it was wrong to waste the restaurants time.

"No. We no longer require the reservation. I'm sorry."

"Not a problem ma'am. Thanks for your time, have a nice day." Monica felt sick as she replaced the receiver and sank into the back of her chair. She looked at the photograph on her desk and found herself smiling at the image on John's face smiling back at her. She didn't know why she felt so surprised at him having done something romantic like this. But it just brought back the pain she had begun to learn how to keep buried when it was unsuitable for her to be thinking about him.

She had a funny feeling that she would never be able to keep him in the back of her mind for long, almost as if he was making things happen that made her think of him. He didn't want her to forget him. And it was silly because she knew that she never would. Surely he knew that to? Wherever he was.

When Phoebe walked in she smiled and picked up her jacket to leave.

"You're still here Monica?"

"Yeah, I'm just about to leave. Can I give you a ride anywhere?"

"Thanks but I have a date."

"Ah, well, have a great evening." Monica stood up and walked towards the door.

"Thanks... Monica!"

"Yes?"

"Umm, I feel kinda weird asking you this, but I'm going to anyway, it's my birthday tomorrow. The big 3-0. I was just wondering if you'd join me and a few friends for a drink after work?"

"Oh, I um, I'd love to, but I can't I have to get to Anna."

"Oh sure, I totally understand, I just wanted to ask. I know you've got more important things to worry about."

"No it's not that... It's just that, tomorrow is mine and John's wedding anniversary. And I'd feel a little weird out celebrating with someone instead of him for a completely different occasion."

"Oh God, I totally understand. Well, I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah. Goodnight." Monica walked out of the office and drove to Mulder's thinking about what she would actually do the following evening. The more she thought about it the more she didn't want to be alone, but she didn't want to go out either. She had to be near John, their home was the best way to do that.

When she got to the house she thought she had the perfect solution. She just hoped that they would agree...

July 2nd, Silver Spring, Maryland, Police Station...

The police stationed their officers at every location they thought they might find Mia Dukes. They were not going to take any more chances with this girl, fourteen or not. She was quite possibly the murderer they were looking for. Monica had stayed fairly quiet and when John had offered to go home alone so she could see this through she had denied his offer and made it clear that she wanted to come home too.

"They'll find her in time. I can't change that, I'm not sure that I want to."

"Well then lets get out of here. They have everything under control. There's nothing you can do for them, or for Mia Dukes."

Monica looked at John and slowly nodded her head. He put his arm around her and they waked out of the police station together and headed home. They were both incredibly relieved that this was almost over.

When they had collected Anna and gone home they all sat together to watch 'Finding Nemo', Anna was disappointed that William hadn't wanted to watch the movie again so they agreed they would watch it with her when they got home. It was nice to just sit and be together as a family.

After dinner they played one of Anna's many board games and finally tired her out so that she went to bed of her own insistence rather than the two of them trying to force her. They had become very wise to their daughter's mind and way of thinking. If they could make something seem like it was her own idea then they were onto a winner. As they all piled into Anna's room she smiled and Monica and John laughed at her.

"What are you grinning at?"

"Nothing..."

"Come on, you have to tell us now..." Anna giggled and was delighted when her parents both sat down on her bed with her.

"I like it when you're both here... I like it better when you both put me to bed." Monica smiled and John placed his hand on her back to show he felt the same way that she did.

"Well we like it better this way too baby, now you get some sleep ok?"

"Ok. Mommy, I love you."

"Love you too."

"Daddy, I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart." Monica and John both kissed Anna goodnight and watched as she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. John wrapped his arms around Monica's waist and kissed her neck as they watched their daughter sleeping.

"We're not doing such a bad job with this parenting game don't you think?"

"Yeah. I don't think we've screwed her up just yet." Monica laughed and they walked out of the room and went back down the stairs. As they sat watching TV Monica was resting her head on John's lap as he played with her hair. It was relaxing for both of them. It was good for them to do this, to remember who they really were, and what the important things were in life.

The next morning was a little crazy. Both Monica and John had slept through the alarm and had only been woken on the change that Anna got up and bounced around on their bed telling them she was hungry. So John got up to make his infamous pancakes whilst Monica got ready for work.

"Anna! Pancakes are ready!" Anna's small feet could be heard racing down the stairs and Monica followed behind her.

"Ok, I'm ready, your turn to get ready." She kissed John and he went upstairs throwing the telephone at Monica as it rang when he walked past it.

"Hello?"

"Agent Reyes? I'm so sorry to call you at home, but we have a situation and we need you here right away."

"Detective Alan? What's going on?"

"Mia Dukes is holding all of the Gooding's children at gunpoint in the house. She's asking for you or she'll start shooting."

Chapter 35

July 31st, Present Day
Doggett Residence...

Monica was about to leave work when she found the card she had bought for Phoebe that morning in the bottom of her bag. She took it out and placed it on Phoebe's desk not knowing if she would be back before she left. She had felt guilty about turning down her offer of a drink, but there was no way she'd make it past her first glass before she'd be in tears and overwhelmed with guilt at being here without John. Right on cue Phoebe walked into the office with a great big '30' badge pinned to her shirt. Monica laughed.

"Very nice."

"They made me wear it until I got down here. It was so embarrassing." Monica picked up the card she had put down and placed it in Phoebe's hand.

"Happy birthday." Phoebe smiled and didn't know what to say.

"Wow, thank you. You really shouldn't have bothered."

"It's just a card, Phoebe. I gotta go, but have a great evening."

"Yeah. You too."

"Thanks." Monica turned to leave but was held back by the ringing phone that she reached for whilst Phoebe began ripping into the cards that had been collected from several offices around the building.

"Monica Doggett... yes... oh I see... yes, that's right... he's ok? ... Great, that you so much..." Monica put down the phone and looked at Phoebe smiling.

"Well here's something to put a birthday smile on your face. Luke Mathers was found this afternoon. He's ok, a little shaken, but he's back home with his dad, mom's there too."

"That's terrific news! Well, maybe this will bring them back together."

"Who knows. See you Monday Phoebe."

"Night."

Monica wasn't the best cook in the world. But she had invited Mulder, Dana and their boys around for a meal so that she could celebrate her anniversary in her own special way, and not be alone at the same time. Anna was very excited as she tried to help her mother, and Monica was growing increasingly frustrated with the four-year-olds idea of help. Monica had picked up a few cooking tips from John, but had so far managed to only just stop herself from making pancakes.

Dana helped out in the kitchen upon arriving leaving Mulder to entertain the kids with more of his magic tricks in the garden.

"Where'd he learn that stuff anyway?"

"Are you kidding me? He's got so much time on his hands that I'm surprised he hasn't come up with an entire act and started selling his services to kids parties."

Monica laughed and was startled by the red faced Anna that came pounding into the kitchen asking for a glass of juice. As Monica poured the drink Anna raced up the stairs saying she needed the toilet first. As Monica and Dana continued to salvage Monica's attempts at cooking they were both alarmed by Anna's cries for her mother from her bedroom. Even Mulder heard her shouting and came inside telling William to stay outside with Jack. The three adults ran up the stairs, Monica in front and straight into Anna's room.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"

"Anna what is it what's wrong?!"

"It's daddy! Look!" Anna pointed to her bedroom window and had the biggest smile on her face that Monica had ever seen. But John wasn't there. Even as Monica felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of him being back, she knew it couldn't be true.

"Anna, there's nobody there. You shouldn't say things like that..."

"He's standing right there! Why are you saying that?!"

"Anna enough! I won't have you lying. Now come on."

"He's right there! I'm not lying! Don't ignore him!" Monica walked over to the window and couldn't stop herself getting angry. Of all days, why did Anna have to choose today to play something like this?

"Where Anna? I'm standing right here, where is he?" Anna began to cry and Dana stepped forward to intervene but Mulder held her back.

"He's trying to talk to you. Why wont you listen?" Monica was crying too now and Anna was upset.

"Anna don't do this to me, please."

"He's right beside you! He says he's sorry that he isn't here for you tonight, that he loves you, and that he misses us both... He says that... He says he has an anniversary gift for

you..."

"Anna please... stop..." Anna's eyes were wide, she didn't move them from the same spot at the window and Monica was on her knees in tears. Dana was crying too and Mulder had drawn her close to him to comfort her. But Mulder believed what Anna was saying she could see.

"He says that you're going to have a baby, mommy, that's his gift for you..." Everybody's jaw dropped but Monica ran out of the room and down the stairs. She was out the front door before anybody could even think about chasing after her and Anna didn't move.

July 3rd, Silver Spring, Maryland, Gooding Residence...

Monica was angry with the FBI party that was now happening on the Gooding's front lawn. For a week she and John had been thrown into this case head first, and now there were more lives in danger and the entire bureau wanted a piece of the action. What annoyed John the most was the fact that Skinner was there. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised, but he had pissed John off too much lately to have earned any respect or cooperation. Monica walked over to Detective Alan and he smiled appreciatively.

"Thanks for getting over here so quickly."

"What's going on?"

"Well, Mia has a gun and she's holding Casey and Daniel Gooding, Adam Davies, Michael Dawson, and Lucy Collier hostage. She says she demands justice and won't talk to anyone but you. She blames you. But you're our only chance to get everyone out of here alive."

"When did this happen?"

"Around eight am, Mia invited them all into the house for what she told them was a memorial for the Gooding's now that none of them were suspects in their murders anymore. We got a call from a neighbour who heard shouting and Mia walked past the window several times before realising we were out here, we saw the gun, we want this dealt with quickly and quietly."

Monica nodded her head and was distracted by Dana walking over to her with Skinner.

"What are you doing here Dana?"

"Skinner wanted me here. To help out if I could." John stepped forward and took Monica's arm.

"Mon, you're not goin' in there."

"John I have to."

"Over my dead body."

"John what's wrong with you?"

"Are you kiddin' me? This girl wants you in there and we just send you in to walk to your death?"

"She wont be unprotected, and we have camera's providing a picture of what's going on in there."

"So then wait until she's in the open shoot the son of a bitch and leave my... leave Monica out of it."

"Watch your step John, and your mouth. You keep this up this will look very bad for you."

Skinner walked away and left the three agents bewildered and tense. Detective Alan came back over with another group of men who wanted to wire Monica before she entered the house. John walked away unprepared to see anyone put his wife's life in danger. Dana followed him and tried to calm him down.

"I can't let her do it Dana, I can't."

"John you and I both know that if Monica wants to go ahead with this then she will."

"It's a trap! And that bastard doesn't give a crap about her!" John was looking at Skinner and Dana could feel his anger and concern.

"John. We can end this now, we can let it all be over and we can move past it."

John looked at Dana with a look she remembered from the short time they had been partners. He was furious, and he held anybody who didn't agree with him to blame.

"I'm not going to lose her, do you hear me? No way."

Monica was nervous. And it wasn't like her but she took it as a good sign that she would be on her toes and that she would keep her wits about her. If she was nervous it was a professional nerve, not personal. She just needed so badly for this to be over. To stop feeling so guilty about everything that had gone wrong in Mia Dukes' life. John walked over to her and she tried to smile but he wouldn't show the same recognition.

"John..."

"Don't Monica. I know you're going to do this, but the second you're in danger, if you get out of there then so help me God I'll drag your ass out of their kicking and screaming myself. I will not lose you to this girl."

"You're not going to lose me John. I love you." She kissed him softly and they both did a quick damage report and looked around to see if anyone had seen them. Detective Alan came over and smiled.

"Agent Doggett you can watch with the rest of the bureau's agents in that van there, Agent Reyes, if you could follow me."

"Wait, how does she know I'm here?"

"She called the phone line we set up and said she was ready for you." Monica took a deep breath and didn't look back. If she had she knew that one glance at John and she would have changed her mind.

Chapter 36

Present Day
Doggett Residence...

It was almost eleven when Monica walked back into the house. She felt awful as she walked into the living room and saw William and Jack sleeping on the sofa. She could hear Mulder and Dana in the kitchen and so badly wanted to pretend that this hadn't happened. But she owed them an apology and they needed to get home. She walked into the kitchen and they both turned immediately to wait for her to say something.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"Oh Monica..."

Dana hugged her and they both sat down whilst Mulder watched them. He had so much he wanted to say but he knew that now wasn't the time.

"Anna's sleeping, she's not been down long. She wouldn't move from the window until she said... John had gone... and then she cried because you wouldn't believe her... But she's sleeping now."

"Thanks Dana. You should go, get the boys home."

Dana smiled and nodded her head. Monica smiled back and the two women stood up and moved towards the living room.

"Not exactly how you imagined spending your evening is it? I invite you for dinner and leave you looking after my daughter. Again."

"Monica, this will take time. You're both doing so well. There'll be more days like this, but there'll be good days too."

"More days when my daughter thinks her dead father is standing in her bedroom?"

"Well that's not exactly what I meant..." Monica nodded her head again and Dana put her hand on her shoulder as she turned to collect her children. Mulder couldn't contain himself any longer. He couldn't watch them make a mockery of what Anna had been through, four year old or not.

"What if she was telling the truth?" Dana couldn't believe this. She had sworn him to not say anything. Monica turned to him almost with a smirk on her face thinking he was playing a bad joke.

"What?"

"What if Anna wasn't lying? What if she really did see John in her room?"

"But, but that's impossible."

"Is it? When there's a death in the family there are often visitations made to a loved one; Dana saw her father when he died."

"Mulder I saw my father almost immediately as he died, John's been gone for over a month..."

"That doesn't matter. I believe that young children are more susceptible to these visits because they have an innocent mind that isn't sceptical of such a phenomena happening. Anna has spent the last month believing that he could come back, tonight he did for her. Because she believed it, she could see it."

"Ok enough. This is ridiculous. John is dead. Anna did not see him in her bedroom."

"What about his gift? Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" Mulder knew he'd crossed the line when both women threw looks of complete horror at him for being so intrusive into Monica's personal life.

"I think we should leave, Mulder could you pick up William. Now." He did as he was told and took William out to the car without saying anything else. Dana stood at the door with Jack sleeping in her arms and was desperate to think of something to say to Monica.

"Monica..."

"It's ok... Go home." Dana hugged her trying not to squash Jack and Monica was alone again. She went up the stairs and looked into Anna's room. She felt like the worst mother in the world. She walked into the room and looked to the window. She pulled the chair from the corner of the room and sat in the window watching her baby sleep. She refused to entertain the idea that there was any truth in what Anna or Mulder had said that night. It wasn't possible.

July 3rd, Silver Spring,
Maryland, Gooding Residence...

John took a seat beside Dana and prepared himself for being the calm and in control FBI agent he knew he had to be. He couldn't lose himself in his personal feelings. But as he watched Monica walk into the house he had to bite his tongue to not scream out in protest.

Monica cautiously walked inside and spotted Mia right away. Mia smiled upon seeing her and beckoned her into the house.

"Agent Monica Reyes. Glad you could join us. Come on in, meet everybody." Monica walked further into the house and felt her whole body shiver as she saw Michael, Lucy and Daniel tied up and gagged on the sofa. Casey and Adam were each tied to a kitchen chair also gagged.

"What's going on Mia? Why do you have everyone here?"

"Because I want a family! My mother is dead! And it's because of you! You wouldn't see me last week, you left without even saying goodbye, so I decided to have a little fun with you. Play a little game. I knew that Adam hadn't killed the Gooding's so I pretended to be his alibi, that was a nice thing to do because I know you all had enough against him."

"How do you know Adam didn't do it?"

"Come on Monica, you know better than that. Don't pretend you're not smart."

"You killed them?"

"They wanted to send me away! To my dad! I haven't seen him since I was a baby! I couldn't let them do that, and when I tried to talk to them they just kept saying I should be with my family. Well I don't have any family! Not anymore. You saw to that... And now I want you to pay."

"What do you want Mia? What will it take to get everyone out?"

"I want you to know what it's like to be alone. To have nobody in the world understand how horrible your life is. And to feel as if nobody cares about you."

"Mia people care about you, we want to see you safe and happy just like everyone else."

"Yeah right! I'm a killer now, there's no turning back. What's a few more bumped off before they take me down."

"Mia you have your whole life ahead of you, you're just a kid, how did this happen?"

"How? I met you! You killed my family! And now I want you to pay."

"Well then let the others go. Let them all out. They don't need to be here."

"Yes they do, they're all involved. Every one of them."

"Let them go and they'll deal with you, they'll go easy on you Mia, I promise."

"You promise? You're looking out for me now or something?"

"I don't want anybody to die."

John was finding it so hard to watch or listen to what was going on in the house. He'd seen people like Mia before, generally older people, but the same none the less. People ready to give up and with nothing to live for. They'll take anyone down with them, to hell with the consequences. How could Monica have allowed herself to be put in this position? It was unfair, and he'd never forgive himself if anything happened to her. John glanced occasionally at Dana, she was the only person who could begin to understand what he was feeling and going through. But he didn't want people to understand what he was feeling, he wanted to put a stop to this right now.

Chapter 37

August 1st, Present Day
Doggett Residence...

Monica woke up still sitting in the chair by Anna's window. Anna was fast asleep and when Monica saw that it was only six am she knew why. She stood up and quietly walked out of the room and down the stairs. She went into the kitchen and made some coffee. It was only then that she noticed how spotless the kitchen was. Dana and Mulder must have tidied up during her run away effort the night before.

She was grateful until she remembered what Mulder had tried to get her to listen to, to believe what he was saying. It was nonsense. The one thing that puzzled Monica was why she thought it was nonsense. Usually she would be the first person to admit things like this really do happen to people. But she refused to believe that there was anything in the previous nights events. Anna had just been upset and wanted attention. End of story. There was no way that John had been in her room, as a ghost, spirit, or anything else for that matter. Not a chance.

For a couple of hours Monica caught up on housework. Cleaning, ironing, washing. Everyday stuff that moms were supposed to do. It made her sleepy and she was desperate to just fall into bed for a couple of hours. She just couldn't bare thinking about facing Anna.

When Anna woke up she got dressed and stayed in her room. She was sure he'd come back and that this time he'd make her see. He'd make her mom see that he was really there and that he loved her. Anna knew it was real, she knew it. And she knew that she could make her mom believe it too if he'd just come back one more time. She was upset that her mom had been angry with her and accused her of lying. But she had watched her mom cry so much without her dad there by her side, she knew how important it was for her mom to get him back, that was all she wanted. Her dad back so her mom would stop crying.

Monica could hear Anna moving around in her room but made no conscious effort to go and see her. To apologise or to ask for an explanation, or just to say that she loved her. Things hadn't been this bad since just after John died. And what killed Monica the most was this was a four-year-old girl she was dealing with, not a grown woman that was trying to hurt her or upset her. Anna was four years old. What did she know about making her mom upset with her wild theories and ideas? They couldn't carry on like this. It would end up killing them all.

July 3rd, Silver Spring, Maryland, Gooding Residence...

"It was funny actually. I was in the house the whole time. I saw Casey and Adam come back together. I heard her scare him and tell him his prints would be all over the hammer after he picked it up horrified at all of the blood. He freaked out and threw it in the pond. It was hilarious."

"Mia... I beg you not to say another word."

"No it's ok. I'm not going to prison. Or a juvenile detention centre or any BS like that. It's ok, I got it all figured out. Now back to my story, Adam tried to console Casey but she was still pissed that he'd left her for an hour that night. And I know where he was. He was working on the car that Casey's parents wanted to give her for her next birthday."

Casey and Adam looked at each other. Every child in the room had tears running down their eyes. More from fear than what they were hearing. Every single person in the room believed that Mia was capable of killing them.

"Mia you can't keep us all in here forever. There are a lot of people outside that want to help you, why don't you let them?"

"Yada, yada, yada... When will you start listening to me! I'm not going out there! Not living anyway!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You and me Monica, we're gonna be carried out of this place in body bags. I could have a fatal bullet wound in you before their asses left their seats."

John felt a lump in his throat and couldn't control himself any longer.

"What the hell is going on why isn't anybody doing anything?!"

"Agent Doggett, calm down..."

"Don't tell me to calm down!"

"We're still in the process of negotiations! We can't rush in there whilst there's a chance we can solve this peacefully."

"She crazy! She's just told us all that she wants to kill Monica and herself! What the hell is peaceful about that?!"

"Agent Doggett..."

"Don't try and BS me Skinner. I'm sick of this crap from you! Now I want somebody to do something now!"

"Sit down!"

"Damn it! That's my wife in there!" Everybody turned to look at John but he was still too angry to think about the repercussions of what he had just exclaimed to a van full of FBI agents.

"And I will not have you bastards putting her life in danger just to make the FBI look good! We have more important things to live for and help with than some piss poor operation to get a fourteen-year-old girl to let her hostages go! She is not going to stay in there a minute longer do you hear me?!"

John was out of the van with his weapon at the ready before anybody even had time to take in the fact he had gone.

Monica looked from the gun to Mia, and she actually feared for her life. What had she been thinking to allow herself to do this?

"You know what Monica, you're right. This has gone on long enough. So lets finish for good. Lets bring this nasty even to a head. Get ready for the greatest show on earth boys and girls."

As Mia lifted up the gun to Monica the room went silent. The children had all closed their eyes tightly and were too scared to even breathe. Monica was taking deep breaths and knew that she had to do something fast.

"Mia please, listen to me. It doesn't have to end this way!"

"Yes it does." As Mia aimed poised to pull the trigger John was in the house, he had come through the back door and Mia was startled to see him.

"I got an audience? This is great! You're just in time." Mia turned back to Monica and as she pulled the trigger John ran to her and pushed her forcefully to the floor. The gunshot echoed through the room but left with it a deadly silence.

Chapter 38

August 2nd, Present Day
Doggett Residence...

What upset Monica the most was that she hadn't spoken a single word to Anna all weekend. Tomorrow she would be back at work, and then it would be like none of this had ever happened. It was already two in the afternoon. Anna had put herself to bed the night before and hadn't as yet left her room. Monica had taken her food up to her, but they hadn't exchanged any kind of sentence or attempted a conversation. It was less than a week until Anna's birthday. They had to sort this out and soon.

But Monica was the adult, she was the one who would have to fix this, not her baby girl. As she stood up from the sofa to go and talk with her there was a knock on the door and Monica was greeted with a warm smile from Dana. They walked inside and went into the garden in case Anna overheard them.

"How are you both doing?"

"We haven't spoken. Which I know makes it sound like we're two adults that have had a falling out, but we're not. She's four, and I'm her mother, and yet I can't go up there to fix this."

"You will. It'll be ok."

"Will it?"

"Yes. But, there is something in particular I wanted to talk to you about. About what happened the other night."

"Dana..."

"Just hear me out... Mulder's been driving me crazy all weekend saying he can't believe how sceptical you're being about this whole thing. That of all people he thought you'd be open to it. And after about the tenth time hearing it, I began to wonder too. Not that I'm saying I think Anna saw anything that night, I honestly don't have an opinion one way or the other on what happened, but I do know you, and I know that usually you wouldn't just try and brush this under the carpet. Pretend that there was nothing in it, especially when it concerns your own family. So I'm curious. What is it that's really bothering you about this?"

Monica looked at Dana and had been certain that the real reason she was so against this being real was something that only she would ever know or suspect. She didn't want people to know what her selfish reasons were or why she upset her little girl so much. But as Dana sat staring at her with so much concern in her eyes Monica knew that she was the only person she could and should tell.

"He picked her."

"What?"

"John picked her to see him."

"Oh Monica..."

"I know. It's ridiculous. She's four years old for cryin' out loud and I'm jealous because he let her see him. It's pathetic. But if he was here to say goodbye why didn't he let me see him?" Dana put her arm around Monica as she cried and didn't know what else to say.

"I'm so sorry Monica..."

"Don't be. It's so stupid. I just, I keep thinking about the last time I saw him, I wouldn't let him say goodbye, I begged him not to. And now more than anything I wish that I had been able to say goodbye to him. But I can't. It's too late. And if that was our last chance to let him go, I missed it. And I can't seem to get past it." Dana lifted Monica up so they were facing each other and Monica wiped her face dry and stifled a laugh through her sorry appearance.

"I'm so sick of crying all the time. I'm sorry you have to keep going through this with me."

"I'd be offended if there was anyone else you could turn to." Monica smiled and then Dana smiled, but with the intent of saying something else.

"There's one more thing that I have to know. And that I think you should know too."

"What?" Dana reached into her bag and pulled out another small bag from which she produced a pregnancy test.

"Are you serious?!"

"If it's positive you know that Anna was telling the truth. And what better way to make it up to her than by telling her she's going to be a big sister?" Monica looked at the small box in Dana's hand and then at Dana. Finally she took the box and walked inside with Dana following eagerly behind.

July 3rd, Silver Spring, Maryland,
Gooding Residence...

Monica could feel her arm lying awkwardly behind her. When she tried to look round she could feel John lying on top of her and she felt a rush of relief run throughout her body.

"John? John?" He didn't move, and the relief turned to fear. She wriggled free and as she turned around she saw all of the blood. It was everywhere. John opened his eyes and looked at her smiling. The entire house was full of medics, FBI, and police officers. Monica took John's hand and smiled back at him through the panic tears that were in the back of her eyes.

"Mon... You ok?"

"I'm good, hold on John, they're coming now...I told you not to do anything stupid."

"You know me... live by my own rules..."

"Yeah..."

"That's why you love me so much. That and my dirty New Yorker weekends." They both laughed bravely but John's face suddenly contracted in pain and he held Monica's hand tighter.

"Mon... I have to see Anna..."

"No, don't you do this to me. You're not saying goodbye."

"I have to see her... I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you..."

"John listen to me! You are not dying here! Not like this, you're going to be fine." Dana and a several paramedics were now crowding around John but Monica refused to move. Nobody tried to move her.

"I love you Monica... so much..."

"John please... don't... don't do this, not to me... not now..."

"I couldn't let her... I couldn't let her hurt you...you're my world... you know that right... my whole world." John raised his other hand to Monica's face and stroked it softly before falling unconscious. Monica panicked but he was quickly rushed into the back of an ambulance and taken to the nearest hospital. Dana was standing beside her and Monica felt as if she was in a dream until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Monica... We should get to the hospital..."

"I have to get Anna. He asked for Anna, I should get her, she'll make him laugh, make him smile. It'll be ok. I have to get her."

"Monica let me call Mulder to bring her, we should get there now."

"No, don't you do this to me. Not you, please, he's going to be fine. When you get there you tell him from me that we're on our way!" Monica ran off to her car and as she did so she saw all of the other children watching a policeman put Mia Dukes in the back of a car. She was in handcuffs and showed not a single bit of remorse or regret. It made Monica feel sick but she got into her car and sped off home. Anna would make this better. She would make everything ok as soon as John saw her face. It would all be ok.

Monica got out of the car and ran into the house. Mulder had come to their house as they had had to hurry things along that morning and William insisted that they go to Doggett's house instead of staying at home. She ran into the house and out to the garden. She stopped when she saw Anna playing on the slide with Jack and it was then she saw all of the blood on her hands.

She ran back into the house and stood over the sink in the kitchen. She threw up and quickly washed her hands to make it not real. No blood, no wound. Mulder came down the stairs and startled her as he stood behind her.

"Monica, I just spoke to Dana, I'm so sorry. We should get to the hospital right away."

The two of the walked out to the garden and Mulder rounded up the kids as Monica stood unable to move or think. When the telephone rang Anna ran inside to answer it and Mulder saw that Monica was in shock. He walked over to her but was interrupted form saying anything by Anna's return with the telephone.

"Mommy it's for you, it's aunt Dana. She said it's important." Monica took the phone and Mulder told Anna to get her jacket and make sure that William and Jack were ready to go. But as Monica listened on the phone the look on her face made him doubt whether they would be going anywhere at all.

Chapter 39

August 8th
Present Day, X-Files Office...

Monica was staring at the clock on the wall wishing for it to move faster so that she could get home. There was so much she had to get ready for Anna's birthday party and she was running out of time. The past week had disappeared into thin air. Sunday night had been spent with Anna in her room, both of them in tears as they talked about John, and Monica repeatedly apologised for being so horrible to her about what she says she saw. Anna was a very understanding little girl and assured her mom that she just wanted to make her pain go away, Monica had told her that it was her job to make sure that Anna's pain went away not the other way around.

They spent the night listening to old music that John used to love whilst singing along and dancing on the bed. Anna enjoyed every second. And Monica made a stricter promise with her self to be a better mom and to treat Anna like the child she was rather than the adult she could sometimes come across as.

Just that morning she had been for a doctor's appointment. There was a particular medical condition she needed his advice on, and more specifically his conformation on. He had done just that and Monica had spent the rest of the day staring at the clock in her office trying so hard to listen to what Phoebe was telling her at the same time.

"Listen Monica why don't you go home?"

"What?"

"Go home, you've been on another planet all day."

"Fitting analogy considering the office we work in."

"I'm serious, I know you have a party for your daughter to finish arranging. Go home, I'll cover for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah well there's only so much more of you staring at the clock and tapping that pen on the desk that I can take." Monica smiled appreciatively and stood up quickly throwing her jacket around her shoulders.

"If you need me to come back just call ok?"

"Go, have a great weekend."

"Thanks." Monica walked to the door before reconsidering something she'd been thinking about all week. And she turned back.

"Umm, Phoebe listen, if you're not busy tomorrow, you're welcome to come by and meet the smallest person in my world that takes up so much of it."

"Really?"

"Sure. I know that Fox Mulder is desperate to meet the other half of the team running his baby now."

"Wow, Fox Mulder? The Fox Mulder?"

"Yeah. Any time after one is fine. It'd be great to see you there." Monica walked out of the office feeling she'd done the right thing and happy with her decision.

When she got home she was incredibly surprised to find Dana sitting on her doorstep.

Monica laughed as she walked over to her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I had to know, your appointment was today right?" Monica smiled coyly and opened her front door.

"Come on Monica, it's been driving me crazy." Monica laughed and Dana smiled. She already knew that answer to her question anyway. She could see it in Monica's eyes.

"Yes. I am pregnant. My final gift from John."

"Oh Monica, I'm so happy for you!" Dana rushed over to hug her and both women fell into fits of laughter and took a deep breath as they pulled apart.

"I haven't told anyone, not even Anna, so don't say a word. I'm gonna tell her tomorrow

morning."

"Ok, I wont. This is all so surreal. John actually told you before you knew."

"It would appear so."

"Did you get your due date?" Monica smiled again and couldn't speak through the first genuine smile she had had in months.

"April 4th."

"April 4th?"

"Yeah."

"But that's... hang on, isn't that..."

"Yes it is. It's John's birthday. Believe me the dates had not skipped my attention. Something tells me there was divine intervention somewhere along the way."

"Somebody somewhere is looking out for you."

"Yeah. And I think I know who."

July 3rd,
Doggett Residence...

Monica hadn't even noticed it was dark. She hadn't moved from the seat she had collapsed into in the garden at hearing Dana's words. They were playing again and again in her head 'I'm so sorry Monica'... 'We lost him'... 'John's gone'... She hadn't known how to react at first. But then nature took over and she had collapsed in fits of tears and anger whilst Mulder hurriedly ushered the children indoors to hide them from the sight of all this pain. He had sat beside Monica on the grass at first and rocked her sobbing and limp body in his arms not having anything else he could possibly do or say.

Not long after that Dana had appeared with William clinging to her despite her insistence that he go back inside. He told her he knew something was wrong and that he wanted to know why everybody was upset. It was then that Monica called for Anna to come and sit with her. They were left alone. And Monica had had to tell her daughter that her dad was dead.

"But he's supposed to read my story tonight, it's his turn."

"I know baby, we'll read it together though, is that ok?"

"I guess... Will he come back?"

"No. He's gone sweetheart."

"Forever?" Monica nodded her head as she began to cry again and Anna had stood up on the bench so that she could wrap her arms around her mom. Monica had welcomed her little girls company and had sat with her for a long time before Dana had come out to take her inside.

She informed Monica that she had told William what had happened and he had wanted to see Anna to make sure she was ok. Monica couldn't talk or move from her seat on the bench. Dana had sat beside her and the two women had both sat and cried not needing any words to express how they were feeling or what this news had done to them.

The entire Mulder family stayed at the Doggett house that night. Monica didn't come inside until it was almost ten pm. The three children had found their way onto Monica and John's bed. Anna and William had wanted to be able to feel as if John was still with them. His photograph and his scent surrounded them. And as Monica went up the stairs to see them they all lay sleeping soundly on her bed and she found herself want John to see it. To stand with him and say how adorable they looked at that she wished she had a camera. But she couldn't.

She would never take a photograph with John ever again. And she couldn't cope with it. She just couldn't cope. Not now and not ever. This was the end of her. He had promised they would grow old together. And now he wasn't even alive. He had betrayed her but she couldn't be angry with him. She loved him. And she missed him and she wanted him to come home. That was all she would ever want again.

Chapter 40

August 9th
Present Day
Doggett Residence...

Monica walked into Anna's room and smiled. She had heard Anna impatiently walking around her room hoping to get her presents soon, and when Anna had heard her mother getting up she ran into her bed and hid under the covers. The truth was Monica had set her alarm early to prepare herself to tell Anna about her pregnancy. It had completely skipped Monica's mind that Anna wouldn't show any interest because she had been told a week previously, but she wanted to tell her herself and was slightly concerned that Anna might not like the idea of not being an only child anymore.

Monica walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers and Anna burst into giggles.

"Hey birthday girl." Anna jumped up and leapt into her mother's arms.

"Happy birthday, shall we see if there are any gifts for you downstairs?"

"Uh huh!"

"Ok, but first I have something I need to tell you." Monica sat down on the bed and Anna sat down on her lap.

"Ok, you know that you saw your daddy last week, and he told you he had a gift for mommy?" Anna nodded her head.

"Well, you were right, I'm going to have a baby."

"I know that, mommy."

"I wanted to tell you that it was true though. And I want you to know that I love you so very much, no matter what."

"I know mommy. I can't wait! I'm gonna be a big sister! Like William and Jack!"

Monica laughed. "Not exactly, but you got the right idea."

"Mommy, if it's a boy I think we should name him daddy after daddy."

"Well, I don't know about 'daddy' but I think John would be a good idea?"

Anna seemed to consider this for a moment before smiling and hugging her mother. "Ok! Can we go downstairs now?"

"Sure we can, baby."

"And can I have pancakes? The way daddy makes them?"

"You can have anything that you want."

By lunchtime Anna had played with every toy five times over and was now in the garden with William who arrived just ten minutes ago with his parents and brother who gave Anna their gift. She had ripped into it so fiercely that Jack had hidden as the gift paper went flying around the room. Anna had been delighted with the bright yellow remote control car she had received and William took her outside to show her how fast it could go on the grass. Monica had been dreading this day for weeks and now that it was finally here she was shocked at how easy this was for her. Of course it would have been perfect if John were there, but just a little off centre of perfection was ok for now.

Mulder came over to Monica and she smiled as he pulled her into a soft hug. She was touched by his show of affection and he smiled as he pulled back from her.

"Congratulations. Dana told me."

"Thank you."

"You're gonna do fine Monica, you know that right?" Monica smiled and looked at Anna out of the window.

"Yeah I think I do."

When they'd eaten everything that Monica and Dana had prepared for the spread on the kitchen table it was time to play outside again. There were two knocks on the door just after they had all eaten, the first came from Phoebe Carmichael who looked absolutely terrified as Monica showed her through to the garden.

"Anna, come here a sec, I want you to meet someone." Anna came pounding over red faced and hair out of place from running around all day.

"This is Phoebe, she works with mommy now. Say hi." Anna smiled up at Phoebe and spotted the card and small gift in her hands.

"Hi Phoebe." Phoebe relaxed a little and crouched down to be level with Anna.

"Hi Anna, happy birthday. This is for you."

"Thank you Phoebe!" Anna took the gift and ran back over to William who watched eagerly as she tore through the wrapping. Monica looked back at Phoebe and smiled.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that."

"It was my pleasure." Mulder walked over to them knowing exactly who this woman was and he was desperate to meet her.

"Oh Phoebe, this is Fox Mulder." Phoebe turned around and held out her hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir."

"Mulder, call me Mulder."

"Sorry. Mulder."

"So, you're running things with Monica now? Lets you and me have a little chat." Mulder took Phoebe to get her a drink and Monica laughed, she had warned Mulder not to tease Phoebe too much. As she turned back to the house Dana was walking out to talk to her.

"Monica, John's dad is here. He wants to talk to you before he comes outside. I told him you'd be right in."

"Oh. Ok, thanks. I'll be right back."

Monica saw Frank before he saw her. She watched him nervously pacing the room, his eye occasionally catching a photograph of John as if he was surprised to see him still staring at him. She had been upset at how they had parted, but Monica didn't want to hope for too much at her father-in-law appearing at her home without his wife to monitor what he said or did.

"Frank." She startled him and he turned, but smiled as he saw her walk towards him.

"Monica, thank you for seeing me."

"Well I wasn't about to throw you out if that's what you mean."

"No I know, but I don't deserve any of your time. Especially not today."

"So what's say you talk and I listen, and we waste as little time as possible?" Frank nodded his head slightly and smiled as Monica stood waiting for him to speak.

"I just had to tell you that I was sorry. I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry I was such a jerk, and that I love you and Anna very much. I can't explain the way I acted, but I can say that I was the happiest father in the world when John married you, he'd been miserable for so long and you were the only thing in his life that could make him smile or laugh. You made him happy Monica; you gotta know how important that was. And I adored you for it; you made my boy come alive. And you were family to us.

When you called and told us that John had died, and then told how it happened, you wanna know what my first reaction was? Thank God Monica's ok. Thank God she can take care of their little girl and continue to make people smile. And then I realised that no parent should react like that, my son was dead, and I couldn't decide whether I was more upset about that or more glad that you had been protected. It hurt me, and I know I hurt you. I just had to come here and tell you in person that I loved my boy, more than anything. But that I'd rather him have died for you than die alone."

Frank stopped talking and panicked as he saw the tears running down Monica's face. So he walked over to her, and he hugged her, pulled her close and showed her that she was still family. Monica had never believed anyone could make her cry like that speaking from their heart. John had done it. And now she knew where he had gotten the ability from. This was all still very hard. But at least now she believed in the possibility that it would get easier.

April 5th
Eight Months Later
Doggett Residence...

The rain was pounding hard on the windows but it didn't break the calm that Monica felt. She could hear Anna and William playing with her toys in the next room, and she could hear the TV down stairs that she knew Dana and Mulder would have been watching trying to keep Jack amused. They had stayed against her insistence that she could manage alone, and she had secretly been relieved when they said they would stay until later that evening. It was already beginning to get dark and Monica so badly wanted to close her eyes and get some sleep. But the small bundle in her arms was making that impossible.

Her son. Her very own little boy was sleeping soundly beside her as she watched him positively glowing. She had brought him home that morning having given birth the day before. On John's birthday. She couldn't take her eyes from him and as happy as she was she was crying out for John to be with her, to see their son, to be close to them and to hold him in his arms. She had been inundated with visitors, John's parents were in a motel about a mile away, and her own parents were flying up the next day. So this time alone with her baby was time to bask in and to allow him to know she was the one he had to depend on.

Monica closed her eyes just for a second and felt something inside. An ache that she had

harboured since John's death was boiling at the surface and she was afraid of why. She didn't open her eyes, yet she knew she was no longer alone. He was there. He was lying beside their son on their bed he was really here.

"So this is John Junior?"

"John..."

"I told you I'd always be here."

"Oh God John..."

"Open your eyes Monica..."

"No, I can't... If I do you'll be gone, I can't let you go."

"You have to. Open your eyes..." Monica opened her eyes and her heart skipped as she struggled to breathe at what she saw. John Doggett was in deed staring right into her eyes and she was afraid to blink.

"He's beautiful Monica..."

"I can't do this... I can't have you here and know that you're never coming back..."

"I'm not going anywhere Monica. I told you that no matter what I would love you, and I would protect you, I'm here. Just because you can't see me it doesn't mean that you can't feel me."

"But I'll never know..."

"You'll know Mon, believe me."

"I love you so much."

"I know..."

"It hurts so much to see you here... and not be able to touch you..." Monica was crying but it was just tears, tears that she didn't even notice she had begun to shed. John lifted a hand and he stroked her face. She shivered as she remembered how it felt to be close to him, and to be faced with never being close to him again.

"I promise I will never leave your side Monica. Not ever. No matter what. Now close your eyes."

"No..."

"Monica."

"John don't do this to me, please..." John looked at his son and he stroked his cheek. He kissed the baby's head softly and looked back at Monica.

"Make sure you teach him how to throw a ball straight."

"You can't come back again. You can't do that to me..."

"I know. It's time to let go. Take good care of our children Monica. Please... close your eyes." Monica sobbed as she closed her eyes and when John's lips brushed softly against her own her eyes slowly opened. But he was gone.

Monica cried and cried as she struggled to understand whether she had been dreaming or hallucinating, or both. Or whether John had really been there.

Anna walked into the room and straight over to the bed.

"He came to see you didn't he? I knew he would. Can I sit with you and the baby?" Monica nodded her head and Anna walked to the other side of the bed so that Monica had one of her babies on each side of her. She kissed Anna as she clung onto her mother, and the baby stirred a little as she lifted him up into her arms. Anna smiled as she looked at her brother and then up at her mom.

"It's all going to be ok now mommy, he promised. It's over."

"I think maybe you're right."

"We have baby John now."

"Yeah we do. Your daddy's really gone."

"He'll be back."

Monica kissed Anna and closed her eyes again. She couldn't see him. But she knew that he was there.

THE END.