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Title: Sarah 18. Graduation Summary: Graduation day rolls around for Sarah. "Nervous?" asked Mulder. His daughter had a big day ahead of her. Sarah gave him an uncertain smile. "You'll be just fine." He kissed her on the cheek. Sarah was quiet, with a faraway look in her dark eyes. "What is it, sweetheart?" Mulder's hand stroked her back comfortingly, the way she remembered from her childhood. "I just wish that Mommy was here," she answered softly. "Today is for her as well as you, Dad." Although Scully had done a wonderful job in being a mother to Sarah, and the girl readily acknowledged that, there were times when she longed for her birth mother. A longing that Mulder could understand perfectly well. "I know, Sarah - but today is for you more than anything. You've worked so hard, and I'm so proud of you - just as your mother would be. Sweetheart, she's always with you... her spirit goes wherever you go." Sarah smiled. Her father always knew the right thing to ease and comfort her. "You know, Dad - sometimes I swear I hear her voice in my head, encouraging me. I've never told you before, but there have been times when I'm sure that Mommy has been in the room with me, or I've walked into my room and I can smell her perfume... I used to love the smell of Mommy's perfume, she always smelled of flowers." "Diorissimo," said Mulder softly. He smiled when Sarah gave him a puzzled look. "It was her favorite perfume. She always wore it." "How come you remember that?" "I remember a lot of things about your mother." Another smile. "Maybe you can tell me some of them someday," replied Sarah. Mulder wondered if this was the moment to give Sarah the letter that Annie had entrusted to his safe keeping, addressed to their daughter, just before she died. Annie had made him promise to give it to Sarah on her college graduation. He wasn't privy to the contents of the letter - it had been sealed when she'd handed it over to him. Mulder reached into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and drew out the pale pink envelope. "Sarah, your mother wrote this to you before she died, and she asked me to give it to you on the occasion of your graduation. I think now is as good a time as any for you to have it." He handed her the envelope, and she took it from him. "What's in it, Dad?" asked Sarah. "I don't know, sweetheart. When your mother gave it to me, it was sealed." Sarah smiled. "How could you hold it all this time and not be tempted to open it?" "Your mother trusted me to give it to you... I wouldn't betray that trust," answered Mulder softly. "I'll leave you to read it in private. I'll be out front if you need me." Sarah gave him a wobbly smile. "Thanks, Dad." She settled herself at the desk, and carefully opened the envelope. Drawing out the sheets of paper, she unfolded them and began to read. My darling Sarah, I wanted to write and tell you how much I love you before I am unable to do so, and I wanted you to know this on such an important day. It is with profound regret that I will not be able to share in the joy of this day with you, but I'm sure your father will be proud enough for the both of us. Sarah, it was the most wonderful day of my life when you were born. I had never felt more complete or happy. It was a shock to find out that I was pregnant, but once I knew, there was never any question of not continuing with my pregnancy. As for your father - from the moment I told him of the pregnancy he showed a maturity and responsibility that, I'm ashamed to say, I hadn't expected. He was always supportive and caring, and I wish now that I had let him be more involved than he was. All my doubts about your father's ability to be a good parent vanished the first time he held you. He adored you, and he was as committed as I was to putting your interests first, and making sure that you were happy. Sarah, I treated your father badly by not letting him share in the pregnancy and your birth - this was brought home to me the first time I saw you together, and on every occasion since. I kept him at arm's length - I thought it was better that way. I did what I thought was best at the time. Whatever happened between me and your father, I want you to know that you were very much wanted and very much loved, by both of us. It is the logical, and decent, thing to do to ask your father to have custody of you when I'm gone. I know he will bring you up in the right way. Your father is a good man, Sarah - he has the same endearing quality that I see in you. He loves and cherishes you as I do, and I know you will be in good hands. Sweetheart, I pursued things single-mindedly, and I see the same thing in you, even as young as you are. To be single minded is no bad thing, but sometimes it is better to follow your heart than your head. I have such high hopes for you, Sarah - none of which I will ever see fulfilled. I'm sure that whatever you choose to do with your life, you will be successful. You are on the threshold of a wonderful life - go out there and seize every opportunity with both hands. I know that your father will be a constant source of encouragement and guidance - as he was for me before you were born, just as he is now in my final days. I will always be with you, Sarah - my spirit will guide you wherever you go. When you read this letter, do not be sad, or weep for me. I lived my life to the full, as you should now. My only regret is that I will not see you grow into the beautiful young woman that I know you will become. Live long and be happy, Sarah - and remember that I love you so very much. Your loving mother, Sarah refolded the sheets of paper and slipped them back into the envelope. She wiped away a stray tear, and sat for a moment before going to find her father. He was outside, sitting on a low wall. She thought how lost he looked without Scully at his side. She would be coming along later for the graduation ceremony - work commitments had prevented her from flying up to Boston with Mulder the previous afternoon. "Dad?" Mulder turned at the sound of his daughter's voice. "Yes, sweetheart?" "I'd like to go to Mommy's grave, and I'd like you to come with me." "Okay. When would you like to go?" he asked. He knew this was important to Sarah. He hadn't been to Annie's grave for some years. "Could we go later? Before dinner?" Mulder had booked a table at one of Boston's best restaurants to celebrate Sarah's graduation. He smiled warmly. "That'll be fine. I'll get some flowers, shall I? Lilies - they were her favorite." He recalled that she'd always had lilies in the house. Mulder had returned to their hotel to meet up with Scully. "You made it," he observed, giving her a hug and a kiss. "Just barely," she replied. "I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to get away." "Well, you're here now." He was quiet for a moment. Scully watched him in the mirror. "What is it, Mulder?" "I gave Annie's letter to Sarah this morning. I think it upset her a little... She wants to visit the grave this afternoon, and she's asked me to go with her. You don't mind, do you, Scully?" Scully took his hands in hers. "Of course not, Mulder. It's only right that you should pay your respects." It had taken a long time for Scully to become comfortable with the reality of Mulder's relationship with Annie, but now she felt a debt of gratitude to the woman for making it possible for her to know and love Sarah. "I didn't realize that Sarah missed her mother so much," said Mulder. "It's to be expected, Mulder - especially on an occasion like this. I think she misses her more now than when she was small. I still miss Ahab, even though I have you and the children. Sometimes we just want to hear their voice, or feel the reassuring touch of their hand." "It's funny - Sarah said this morning that she sometimes feels Annie's presence in the room." Scully allowed herself a smile. "Which just goes to prove that Sarah's a true Mulder!" Mulder chuckled. "I guess it does!" His hands ran lightly up and down Scully's arms, and he became serious once more. "Do you mind, Scully?" Scully knew they had returned to the topic of visiting Annie's grave. She reached up and toyed with the few strands of hair that fell over his brow. "No, Mulder. I've had the privilege and pleasure of knowing Sarah all these years - I wouldn't change that for anything. I always knew that I'd never replace Annie, and I never tried to. I feel honored that Sarah accepted me as readily as she did - it doesn't always happen that way." "Well, I think the fact that she did accept you so readily says a lot about you," said Mulder softly. To his surprise, Scully blushed. "You ready, Scully?" Mulder glanced at his watch. They needed to get a move on or they would miss the beginning of the ceremony. Scully picked up her purse and adjusted her jacket. "How do I look?" "Just fine," answered Mulder, giving her a smile. "Let's go." Sarah had stayed at the university buildings to help get things ready for the afternoon's events. When she saw her parents, she raised a hand and waved to them. "There she is, Mulder," said Scully pointing in her daughter's direction. They made their way over to her, and there were hugs and kisses exchanged. "You made it, Mom," observed Sarah. " I was afraid that you'd get caught up at the last minute." "What - and miss this important event?" smiled Scully. "It's not every day that we have a Valedictorian in the family!" Sarah's cheeks flushed, and Scully ran a hand over Sarah's dark locks. "Where do we sit, Sarah?" "Over here." Sarah led them to a row of seats quite close to the front of the hall. "I figured that as I was helping out, I should get the pick of the seats!" "These are fine, sweetheart," said Mulder. He'd brought his glasses along anyway - just in case. He didn't want to miss his daughter's most important moment. "How are Steph and Josh?" asked Sarah. Mulder and Scully had decided to leave the two younger members of the family with Granny Margaret - they both knew that Steph and Josh would be bored stiff with the degree ceremony. And Mulder couldn't risk Josh getting up to some prank to relieve the boredom. No, it was safer and wiser to leave them at home. He just hoped that they behaved for their grandmother. "They're both fine - they send you their love. And this." Scully opened her purse and removed an envelope. She passed it to Sarah. Sarah opened it and pulled out a card with 'Congratulations' emblazoned across the front. She read the short message on the inside, and saw that both her sister and brother had signed it. Stephanie had executed her name in her beautiful, flowing script, but Josh was going to take after his father where handwriting was concerned - his signature was an untidy scrawl. Sarah smiled, grateful for their good wishes. She noticed her father fiddling about. "What are you doing, Dad?" "I want to take your photo before it gets too crowded," he replied, checking the setting on the camera he held in his hands. Sarah rolled her eyes. "There'll be plenty of time for that afterwards." "Sweetheart, indulge me. This is a very special day for all of us - I just want something to remember it by." Sarah smiled, and relented. She stood there while her father took the photo. "You did remember to put a film in, didn't you?" she asked, an amused expression on her face. The last time Mulder had taken the camera out, he had forgotten to put a roll of film in. He pulled a face at her. "Your mother put the film in. It seems she doesn't trust me either!" The hall started to fill up with other proud parents. Mulder hadn't attended his degree ceremony at Oxford - as soon as the term had ended, he had flown back home. His parents wouldn't have made the trip to England to see him receive his degree, so what would have been the point in staying? He would have stuck out like a sore thumb on his own. Instead, he had received it through the post sometime after. It seemed a bit of an anticlimax after all the hard work he had put in to get it. It was time for the ceremony to commence. Sarah had taken her seat on the stage with the other top students, the Dean and members of the faculty. Mulder was so proud to see her sitting up there with her gown over her suit and the gold Honor chords around her neck. Scully looked up at him and squeezed his hand. He had told her that Sarah was worried about her speech, but all Scully could see was a calm and confident young woman. Neither of them knew the contents of the speech, but they were about to find out as Sarah's name was announced and she stood up and approached the front of the stage. Applause greeted her, and Sarah was sure she could hear her father clapping louder than anyone else. Of all the proud parents there, he surely was the proudest. Sarah commenced her speech, and tears swam in Mulder eyes as his daughter spoke so formally and so eloquently about her class and the future. He smiled down at Scully, who returned his smile and squeezed his arm. She was as proud of Sarah as he was. Sarah's speech was coming to a close. "So as we leave our youth behind us and head out into a world full of hope, a world that holds our destinies, may we look back upon those who have steered us in the right direction. Those who have pushed us forward when we felt like giving up, and those who loved us enough to do that pushing. Our teachers, our professors, our guidance counsellors and most of all, our mothers and fathers and families, those who are with us today and those who are with us in our hearts." Mulder could see her gaze move deliberately to him and Scully, and he squeezed Scully's hand. "Thank you, all of you. I know I couldn't have done it without the love and support of my mother and father." Sarah paused. "The future belongs to us now and we will take the world to the next step. We will make our mark in this world. Thank you." Warm applause greeted the end of Sarah's speech, and Mulder could hear coming from all around him whispered comments on the eloquence of the speaker and the sentiments of the speech. His heart was so full of pride, it was fit to burst. Afterwards, it was time for the official photo. Mulder made last minute adjustments to her cap and gown. "Ready?" he asked. Beneath the gown, Sarah wore a red suit. The majority of other graduates were dressed in sober colors - black, navy, a few in dark green - but not his Sarah. Wherever she went, she stood out in the crowd, most of the time unintentionally. Mulder was pleased to see that she was wearing her locket. "As ready as I'll ever be," smiled Sarah. She took her rolled up degree certificate, tied with a little red ribbon, and took up a pose for the photographer. That done, Mulder decided he wanted to take a few more snaps of his own. He took a couple of Sarah and Scully together, and Scully took several of Mulder and his daughter. She smiled - he positively glowed with pride. It radiated from him like the rays of the sun. They returned to the hotel. Mulder and Sarah prepared to visit Annie's grave, while Scully said that she'd like to rest for a while and then get ready for their celebratory dinner that evening. On their way, they collected the flowers that Mulder had ordered earlier. Sarah picked her way carefully across the grass, followed by her father, who carried the large sheath of pink Stargazer lilies. She crouched by the black marble tablet with its engraving. "Ann Louisa Page - Beloved Daughter, Sister and Mother of Sarah." Mulder crouched down beside Sarah and handed her the flowers. She took the old ones out of the urn and set the fresh ones in their place. Sarah rested in quiet contemplation for a moment, then stood up, seeking her father's comforting embrace. Mulder held her while she cried silent tears, his big hands caressing her back gently. "I miss her, Dad," she cried softly. "I know you do, sweetheart." His right hand had moved up to stroke her hair. There would be other occasions, more important events in the future, when Sarah would miss her mother keenly. All Mulder could do was to be there, and offer comfort when his daughter needed it. They drove back to the hotel in silence, each alone with their thoughts. Sarah retired to her room upon arriving, to shower and change for dinner. Mulder returned to his and Scully's room. "How's Sarah?" asked Scully. "She's fine. She had a bit of a cry, but I think she's okay now." "Should I go to her, Mulder?" "Thanks, Scully, but I think she'd prefer to be alone for a while." Scully nodded - Sarah was his daughter and he knew her better than anyone. Mulder gave a low whistle when he saw his daughter, making her blush. She had changed into a slim fitting black cocktail dress that ended just above her knees. She had pinned up her hair, making her look taller than ever. "Do you like it, Dad? I bought it specially." "Sweetheart, you look stunning." He smiled. "I must be the luckiest man in Boston tonight, escorting the two most beautiful women in town." "Oh, Mulder!" clucked Scully in amusement. "Come on, we're going to be late and they won't hold the table." "I'm ready if you are." He held out his arms, and Scully and Sarah took one each. "Let's go!" Dinner was a happy affair - unbeknown to Scully and Sarah, Mulder had brought the camera with him and had insisted on taking their photographs, to the accompaniment of much moaning and groaning from the two women. They ate well, and Mulder had ordered champagne. "If we're going to celebrate, we're going to do it properly," he declared. They talked about old times, and about the future. Then Mulder wanted to make a toast. He took Sarah's hand in his. "Sweetheart, I'm sure I don't need to tell you how proud of you we all are. I'm sure that the whole family will join in me in wishing you every success, and that all your dreams come true." Sarah flushed, not sure whether it was the champagne or her father's words that caused her to do so. "I'd like to propose a toast," she said, and Mulder looked enquiringly at her. "To all those that can't be here tonight, both in body and in spirit." Mulder nodded, and raised his glass. "That was very thoughtful, Sarah," said Scully softly, squeezing her hand. They'd enjoyed a wonderful evening, and it was late when they returned to the hotel. Mulder had stepped into his room long enough to collect something he had purchased earlier for his daughter. "I won't be a moment, Scully - I just want to give this to Sarah." "Okay, Mulder. Don't be too long, I'm exhausted." He nodded, and went next door to his daughter's room. Sarah had already changed into her night things, and she was in the middle of removing her make up. She was surprised to see her father at the door. He followed her into the room, closing the door behind him. "Did you have a good evening?" he asked. "Yes, thank you. I really enjoyed it, Dad." "Good, I'm glad." He would do anything to make her happy. His hand slipped into his pocket and he drew something out. He hesitated, not knowing how to proceed. "Sweetheart, I have something for you." He pressed the gift into her hand. "What is it?" "Open it," he replied softly. Sarah carefully removed the pretty wrapping paper - she could tell that the gift had been wrapped by an in-store gift wrapping service - to reveal a bottle of perfume. "Diorissimo," she said softly. Her mother's perfume. Tears filled her eyes and she reached for her father. "Thank you," she whispered. She would probably never wear it, and he knew that, but she would open it and inhale the fragrance now and again. "You're welcome, Sarah," replied Mulder, his hands caressing her back. "She would be so proud of you..." "I think she would be proud of you, too," said Sarah, remembering what her mother had said about him in her letter. "You think so?" Mulder sounded doubtful. "I know so." Father and daughter embraced. She would show him the letter one day, but not yet. The End
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