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Title: Sarah Companion: Stephanie Summary: A companion piece to the Sarah series; Takes place during Leaving Home; An insight to Stephanie, the middle child, Sarah's younger sister. Author's note: Thanks to Carol Gritton for the delightful character of Sarah, this wonderful series and for the opportunity to be a part of it. Being a middle child myself, I felt a strong association to Stephanie and wanted to show her point of view. Thanks to everyone who has responded to my stories, it is GREATLY appreciated and very encouraging. I am having a lot of fun with these and couldn't do it without your support. You can e-mail me at YRLD43A@PRODIGY.COM . I hope you enjoy this. Nine-year-old Stephanie lay awake in her bed. A noise had startled her, she was an unusually light sleeper, unlike her siblings Sarah and Josh. It was her Daddy going into Sarah's room. Sarah was leaving for college tomorrow and everyone in the household had been sad for the past couple of days. Stephanie was also sad, she really did love Sarah. She was in awe of Sarah's beauty and charm and brilliance. Mostly she wanted to be like Sarah because she knew how much her Daddy loved Sarah. Deep down, she knew her Daddy loved her too, but there was something about his relationship with Sarah that was lacking in hers. She didn't know what that was. All she knew was that her Daddy's eyes lit up when Sarah walked into the room. Stephanie's bedroom was across from Sarah's and in the dim moonlight she could see her father sitting next to Sarah's bed. It puzzled her, why was he doing that? Then her mother came to stand in the doorway. She glanced over to Stephanie's room and Steph quickly closed her eyes, she didn't want them to catch her watching. Somehow she felt she was intruding. She heard her Daddy speak. "I just wanted to watch her sleeping one more time," he said softly. "I know," replied her mother. "Come back to bed, you need to sleep. " Stephanie rolled over, facing away from the door as tears slipped down her cheeks. His voice sounded so sad, so lost. He loved Sarah so much, why couldn't she be like Sarah? Sarah was so beautiful, with long dark hair and dark eyes. She was the image of her father. Josh had the red hair and freckles of his mother. But Steph was a mixture of the two. She'd even heard her father refer to her once as the mongrel of the family with his eyes and mouth and her mother's complexion and nose. Of course he meant the term as one of endearment and he never meant it to be overheard by her. She was always so quiet, they never knew she'd been just around the corner at a long ago holiday dinner. But once a six-year- old finds out what that means, there's no use in trying to explain. All of the past heartbreaks came rushing forward and her little chest heaved with silent sobs as she felt her world crumble around her. She couldn't remember a time that was hers and hers alone. There had always been Sarah, and there were only a couple of years between her and Josh so she didn't remember the time before his arrival. Sarah had the sole attention of her parents before she came along and Josh would have it after she left. She would never have it. Stephanie remembered the day she won the spelling bee just a year and a half ago at school. She'd been so excited, she just couldn't wait until she told her Daddy. He would be so proud! But that was the day Sarah had made the honor roll. Suddenly her news wasn't as important. Even though Sarah made the honor roll nine times out of ten, it was still thrilling news to her father. Stephanie could see the pride in her Daddy's eyes. Oh, he hugged her and told her she was so smart and he was so proud that she won the spelling bee, but his look changed when it was Sarah. It was more than pride, it was much more and Stephanie just didn't understand. So she stopped going to her father for anything. Her mother was there for her. Her mother looked at all her children the same. Stephanie somehow felt safer with her mother, safe from heartache. But this was not a conscious choice. A child can't make these decisions consciously, they do it out of survival. From as far back as anyone could remember, Stephanie was her mother's child. Maybe it was because she was Scully's first. Dana couldn't get enough of her. Between her and Margaret Scully, Stephanie didn't hit the floor until she was eight months old, then she hit it running. Mulder spent as much time as he could with all of his children, but Stephanie just seemed to prefer to be with her mother. He wanted nothing but the best for all of them so what ever she wanted, he accommodated. He actually reveled in watching Scully become a mother. They had a chance to do with Stephanie what they couldn't do with Sarah during the first couple of years of her life. Then Scully went back to work during Stephanie's second year and she came to know Margaret as a sort of second mother. She was very close to Granny Margaret but not as close to Granny Mulder. Timing is everything in a child's life. Stephanie was the perfect baby, never crying, always content to play by herself. She amused herself, demanding attention only when she was hungry or needed to be changed. As she grew, her temperament didn't change. She was quiet, introverted, kept to herself. Always pleasant, always smiling. On the surface she was the happiest child of the three. Never gave Scully or Mulder one reason to worry. But this did bother Mulder. He was used to Sarah coming to him with problems, Stephanie went to Scully. He played endless games of catch with Josh, while Stephanie preferred to read a book. It concerned him at times that Stephanie wouldn't be as well rounded as his other two. He would ask her over and over to join them, he would spend time and time again trying to talk to her about school, about herself during casual conversation. But it was as if she were too shy. As if she were almost afraid of him, afraid of something. He couldn't bring himself to think that, however. The next day, Sarah and her Daddy drove off together. Stephanie sat at the dinner table with Josh and Scully that evening. They were all rather quiet, without the discussion between Sarah and her father most evenings, dinner was calm. Almost sad. Josh chattered a bit about the little league game on Saturday, then excused himself to go watch television. Stephanie helped Scully clear the table and do the dishes. She had always been Momma's little helper. She cooked and cleaned with the best of them. Scully was washing with Stephanie drying when suddenly Steph asked a question. Scully knew something was bothering her, but she wouldn't press, Steph would talk when the time was right. "Is Daddy coming back?" Scully almost dropped a plate. "Stephanie Louise! Why would you ask that? What makes you think he wouldn't come back?" She looked down into tear filled eyes and her heart leapt to her throat. Stephanie shrugged her shoulders and looked down, away from her mother's surprised expression. She tried to stop the tears but she couldn't, they fell on their own. Scully dried her hands and took Stephanie over to the breakfast table and sat her down. "Baby, why do you think your Daddy's not coming back?" She spoke slowly and calmly. When pressed, Stephanie had the tendency to shut herself down and pretend there's no problem. If you wanted to know what she really thought you had to pry it out of her. Stephanie hesitated, fearing she'd made her mother angry. Then Scully placed her hand under the child's chin and tilted her head upwards. "Stephanie, now you know I love you, and you know you can tell me anything, don't you? Do you know that?" She nodded, her eyes as big as saucers, the tears beginning to slow. "Nothing you could ever do or say will make me angry or upset or stop me from loving you. Now, tell Momma what's wrong. It's ok." Scully knew what was stopping her. Stephanie's voice was soft and low, as if she was ashamed of what she was feeling. "I just thought that since Sarah wasn't living here anymore, that Daddy would go to live with her instead of us. Cause he loves her so much." "Oh, baby," Scully took her in her arms, tears beginning to form in her eyes. "Daddy is just taking Sarah to school. He wants to be sure she gets there safely. I promise you he's coming home." Then she sat her back and looked her square in the eyes. "Stephanie, your father loves Sarah. But he also loves you and Josh very much. Just as much as Sarah. He's been sad lately because she's going away to school, he'll be just as sad when you go to school when it's your turn. Do you think he loves Sarah more than you?" Stephanie's brow was furrowed and she looked away as if thinking about it. Then she turned back to her mother and gently nodded. Scully pulled her to her again, 'this explains a lot of things' she thought to herself. "It's not true, baby. He loves you all the same. We both do. It might seem like it, because Sarah is older and they have more to talk about. But as time goes on, there will be things that you two will have in common. God, Stephanie, he would do anything in the world for you, he loves you so much." Her voice finally broke as she hugged Stephanie with all her might, both of them crying now. "What's wrong?" Josh came into the room and upon seeing them both sobbing, decided that something was seriously wrong and began to tear up himself. Scully opened her arm and pulled him into the group. "Nothing is wrong, sugar. Everything is just fine. Just fine." She hugged them so tightly, she never wanted to let them go. Then she gathered herself together. "Ok, how about a special treat tonight?" Josh was the first one to answer. "Yea. What, Momma, what?" Bouncing up and down as he asked. "How about I fix you two some ice cream while you get ready for bed, then we'll sit down and play a game together before bedtime. How's that?" She watched them walk away wondering if parenting ever got easier. Stephanie stopped at the doorway and turned back to her mother. She looked to make sure Josh had gone on ahead of her, then turned again to Scully. "I love you, Momma." She said in a soft, mild voice. Scully smiled her best smile and walked over to her, taking her little face in her hands. "I love you too, baby, so much." Then she kissed her, holding her face next to hers for a few seconds. "Now go on and just wash up right now, you can take a bath after the game, ok? " Scully took a deep breath. She'd have to have a long talk with Mulder when he came home. Now that she was thinking about it, events came to mind when Stephani would suddenly go to her room without saying anything. Times when Mulder and Sarah were quite animated in their discussions. Times when maybe Mulder was a little too hard on Stephanie or Josh. It all made sense now. She didn't mention anything to Mulder when he called, he had enough to get through, just letting Sarah go. As Scully lay in bed that night, she thought about their children and about how each one was so different. Sarah was so independent, so confident, so self assured. She knew exactly what she wanted and she would get it. Josh was just so simply all boy. He feared nothing, and nothing fazed him. He was easy going, easy to get along with, made friends with everyone. He would have his father's sense of humor and charm. Stephanie was the quiet one, the bookworm, the worrier. She would have few friends, but they would be truly good friends, lifelong friends. She was the dreamer, her head in the clouds. Scully almost laughed out loud. Sarah knew what was out there, Josh would take whatever came his way, but Steph, she was the one most truly like her father. She wanted to believe, but she could not easily trust anyone. The first night Mulder was home had been a pleasant one. He was so excited to see his two kids, he'd truly missed them. And they had been excited to see him as well. He was tired, though and after the kids had been put to bed, he sat with Scully wrapped in his arms and closed his eyes. "This feels so good." She cuddled up to him, she'd missed him too. There hadn't been too many nights that they'd been apart since they'd been married. "I missed you too." Scully tilted her head up and they kissed. A long, warm, passionate kiss. And she smiled at him. "But we have to talk. " She pulled away from him and sat forward. He frowned and put his hand on her back, gently caressing. "What's up?" Scully lowered her head and for the first time didn't know how to tell him something. It would kill him to know that one of his children was hurting because of him. She glanced towards the hallway leading to the bedrooms and decided they weren't far enough away. "Come on." She stood and held out her hand to him. Now he was worried, Scully hadn't looked this concerned in a long time. He took her hand and stood slowly, then followed her into the kitchen. He sat at the table and waited patiently as Scully put on a pot of coffee. Then she walked to the door and looked once more toward the hallway. "Scully? What is it?" He was really getting upset. "Fox," she began and he knew if she was using his first name, then someone must have been dying. She sat the coffee on the table and sat down next to him. The only way to do it was to tell him straight out. "After you'd left with Sarah, Stephanie asked me if you were coming back." "What? What do you mean?" He truly hadn't a clue. Taking a deep breath, she replied. "She thought that you loved Sarah more than us and that you were going to live with her instead of here with us." Scully looked into his eyes, a half smile on her face to ease the impact of her words. It took a minute for the meaning to sink in, then he closed his eyes and released a held breath. "Oh Scully." He opened his eyes to search hers. "Why would she think that?" "Mulder it's not uncommon for children to feel that one parent loves another child more than themselves. It happens all the time." "Not here, Scully. Not here." He couldn't fathom the reason. "Why are we any different, Mulder? Our children are normal children, they have the same fears and pains as a lot of other children." "Scully! How could they think I don't love them?" He looked so sad, tears threatening to form. "Shhh!" Scully stood and went to the doorway, checking to see if any tiny ears were nearby, then she walked back to him and cupped his face in her hands. She stared into his eyes for a moment, then kissed him. "They know you love them. I don't have all the answers, Mulder. We just have to work through it. I think Stephanie just needs a little more attention for a while. Now, we can't overdo it. We can't smother her and let her run things, that would be going to the extreme opposite." "I just don't understand, Scully." She smiled, "Mulder, I've been giving that a lot of thought over the past couple of days. You don't realize how you are around Sarah. You are so proud of her that you actually glow when she's in the room. And you have every right to, I'm proud of her too, but children don't always understand that. You're the psychologist, Mulder, think about it." "I love them more than life itself, Scully." His voice was so soft, so lost. "I know, I do too." She knew he would take this hard. He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "How did I get so lucky? To have you and the three best kids in the world?" She laughed, "It's not luck, Mulder, it's skill." The next afternoon, Mulder picked up Stephanie from school. He'd told Scully that he wanted to start spending alone time with each of them. Time to allow them to have his full undivided attention. She thought that was a perfect idea. "Where are we going, Daddy?" Steph was confused by this new turn of events. "We're going to the zoo." He reached over and took her hand. It was so small. He remembered when he'd first taken Sarah to the zoo, and suddenly realized he'd never taken Stephanie or Josh. Josh would go next time. "Where's Momma and Josh?" She looked a bit concerned. "They're at home. I wanted to spend some time with just you, is that all right?" She thought for a moment, her little face scrunched up, trying to make since of it all. "I guess so." She said quietly, but she kept a tight squeeze on his hand. They spent a good three hours at the zoo. They visited the monkeys and the tigers, but Stephanie didn't want to go near the snakes. She marveled at the new butterfly exhibit where they entered the enclosed area and thousands of butterflies flittered about them. Mulder was amazed as Stephanie squealed in delight as they flew around her. He'd forgotten how much fun it was to see something new through the eyes of a child. He was seeing Stephanie in a whole new light. She wasn't the quiet, shy, bookish child as he'd thought. She still had those qualities, she still preferred a good book to a outdoor game, but he didn't see her as being closed off anymore. And she talked more in that one afternoon than he'd heard her talk in a single month. He sat on a hillside in his suit, with Stephanie at his side. They were eating an ice cream cone. He looked down at her and smiled, watching her manipulate the ice cream so that it wouldn't drip on her clothes. My God, he loved her so much it hurt. When they were finished they threw the napkins into the trash bins and returned to the park area. The swings were empty and Stephanie sat in one while Mulder pushed her from behind. She giggled as he pushed harder and she swung higher and higher. Soon she slowed down and they were both laughing. He held her hand tightly as they walked hand in hand back to the car. He sat her in the car, buckling her safety belt, then knelt down next to her and smiled as he took in her unique beauty and individuality. "Stephanie, your mother tells me that you might feel that I don't love you as much as I love Sarah." He watched the smile fade from her face and she lowered her eyes as if in shame and fear. It nearly killed him to see that. He reached over and touched the side of her face. "I know you don't understand things completely and when you get older you'll come to understand. But I love you Stephanie, very much, you have to know that. Sarah is older and we have more to talk about than maybe you and I do, but I promise you, I love you just as much as Sarah, and I love Josh just as much also." He waited for a moment and had to fight back the tears as she turned to look at him. Sizing him up, she saw a look on her Daddy's face, she'd never seen before. And she felt bad to have caused him this worry. "I'm sorry, Daddy." She said meekly. He chuckled, "Oh baby" he grabbed her in a bear hug, "don't be sorry, you don't have anything to be sorry over." Then the tears began to fall. "I just love you so much, I don't want you to ever feel that I don't love you, or Josh or your mother. You are my whole life, I couldn't live without any of you. Do you understand?" He had to stop the tears before he looked at her again, before he released her from the hug. He felt her nod her head. "You can come to me for anything, anything at all. I'll always be there for you." "I love you, Daddy." "I love you too, baby." The End
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