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Title: Sarah 16. Leaving Home Summary: Conclusion of Sarah's story. Twelve years have passed since Sarah came to live with her father, Fox Mulder. She is now eighteen years old, and about to leave home to go to university. On the journey up, Mulder and Sarah reminisce about some important events in the intervening years. Authors' notes: Eleanore and I would like to thank everyone that has followed this series, and all those that e-mailed us with feedback, messages of support and ideas and suggestions for story lines. We know that there are many stories that you would like to have seen within this series, stories that didn't fit into the arc that Eleanore and I had devised. Your ideas do not deserve to go unwritten, and we would like to invite you to write those 'lost' stories yourselves, perhaps as companion pieces to the main series. We have enjoyed writing this series tremendously, but now we are both taking a well-earned rest! Comments appreciated and gratefully received at the above address. Mulder glanced over at his sleeping wife, then slipped silently from the bed. He made his way along the landing to his eldest daughter's room. The door was, as usual, ajar - a custom left over from her childhood. He entered the room, taking the chair from beneath her desk and placing it carefully by her bed. Mulder sat down, and watched her sleeping. It had been many years since he had performed this ritual. His nightly vigils had started when Sarah, then aged six, had come to live with him following the death of her mother, and they had continued, on and off, for the next two years. Sometimes he had just gone into her room for the pleasure of watching her sleep. But Sarah Elizabeth Page Mulder was not six years old anymore - she was eighteen, and tomorrow she would be leaving home to go to college. She would be leaving him. Mulder thought it ironic - in the early days, she had been terrified that her father was going to leave her. Now the situation was reversed. He had known that this day would come eventually, but he was still unprepared for it. He could only compare the feeling to bereavement - the loss of someone close, that he loved very much. Mulder loved all of his children, but Sarah held a special place in his heart. She was more like him than her sister Stephanie, or her brother Josh - her father's children with Scully. Josh, at seven, was the baby of the family and thoroughly spoiled by his big sister. He adored Sarah, and was going to miss her terribly. Mulder knew that Scully would miss Sarah keenly too, especially her help with the children. Scully woke to find her husband's place empty. He hadn't been sleeping well recently - the nearer the time came to Sarah's departure, the worse the problem became. She knew that he was worried about his daughter, but he would never let on. Scully slipped from the bed. She knew exactly where he'd be. Scully made her way to Sarah's room and watched Mulder watching Sarah. After a few moments just observing, she glided into the room and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Mulder covered her hand with one of his own and looked up into Scully's face. "I just wanted to watch her sleeping one more time," he said softly. "I know," replied Scully. "Come back to bed - you need to sleep." This was so hard for him, just as Scully had always known it would be. Mulder slipped back into bed beside Scully, and she slid across, wrapping her arms around him. His body trembled and Scully was sure that he was crying silently. "Tell me." Scully's soft plea hung in the darkness, and Mulder turned those dark, tear filled eyes to her. "I'm afraid, Scully," he whispered. How many times had he told her of his fears over the years? "I'm afraid that Sarah won't need me anymore." "Oh Mulder." Scully pulled his head down to her breast. "She will always need you - you're her father, and daughters always need their fathers." She felt for him - where Sarah was concerned his emotions had always been close to the surface. Scully stroked his soft hair. "You know, Mulder, I'm going to miss Sarah too." She thought back to the vivacious little girl that had captured her heart all those years ago. Sarah was a part of the man she loved, and it had been impossible not to love her. Mulder comforted himself with the thought that at least Sarah wasn't going abroad to study. He had offered her the opportunity, wanting to give her the same chances that he'd had, but Sarah had declined. She wanted to study at home. "She'll always be my little girl, Scully," he said softly. "I know, Mulder." Breakfast was usually a noisy affair in the Mulder household, with everybody trying to talk at once, but today the atmosphere was more subdued. Even the normally lively Josh wasn't his usual self, and Stephanie had her head in the clouds as usual. Mulder found it amazing that he could have produced three such disparate individuals. He studied them one by one. Sarah, now a young woman, looked more like her father than ever. She was tall and willowy, towering over Scully as she stood at the stove, keeping an eye on the pancakes. Sarah was still extremely close to her father, and they would spend hours closeted together, discussing who knew what. Scully had come to accept the situation a long time ago, but she made sure that Mulder spent an equal amount of time with his other offspring. His eyes came to rest on Stephanie. He affectionately thought of her as the mongrel of the family. She had his eyes and mouth, and his dark hair, but her nose and complexion were those of her mother. Stephanie was the dreamer, and both Mulder and Scully likened her to her Aunt Melissa. Josh, on the other hand, was all Scully. His hair was the most wonderful shade of burnished copper, his eyes blue, just like his mother's. He had a cluster of freckles across his nose and cheeks that gave him the look of a real scamp. Josh was a typical boy - never happier than when playing in the mud and dirt, and always coming home from school with his knees hanging out of his pants. Scully despaired of him at times. "Dad? Hello - is anyone at home?" Sarah waved her hand in front of her father's face, startling him. "Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart - I was miles away!" He gave her a smile. "I was just asking if you wanted more coffee. The pancakes are nearly ready." "Where's the blueberry syrup?" asked Stephanie. "Josh had the last of it and I didn't have time to get anymore," answered Scully, carrying a large plate of pancakes to the table. Sarah refilled her father's coffee cup. "Have one of the others instead." "But I only like blueberry!" whined Stephanie. "Well, I'm sorry sweetie, but there isn't any. I'll get some later. In the meantime, you'll have to have something else. Now you'd better hurry up and tuck in, before your father and your brother eat all the pancakes!" "Scully, are you saying I'm greedy?" asked Mulder, in mock hurt. "If the cap fits, Mulder..." "Daddy's not greedy, he just has a healthy appe, appe..." Josh struggled to remember the word. "Appetite," whispered Sarah, and Josh gave her an face splitting grin in return. "Is that what he told you?" asked Scully, with an amused expression on her face. She sat down, and studied the faces at the table. Mulder, poking his pancakes with his fork. Despite his outward show of jollity, she knew he was crying inside. He didn't want the children to know how he felt, and especially not Sarah. Stephanie, staring into space, her pancakes forgotten. Josh, tucking in to his breakfast as if it was the last time he was ever going to eat. And finally, Sarah. As Scully had always known, she had turned into a real beauty. Her long hair was still thick and glossy, her velvet brown eyes framed by long, dark, silky lashes. Her long legs were sheathed in a pair of tight fitting jeans, and she was wearing a Knicks sweatshirt. Wherever she went, she turned heads, and especially when she was dressed like that. Scully turned her attention back to her husband. "You should eat something, Mulder. You've got a long day ahead of you." "I'm not really hungry." He gave her a halfhearted smile. "I think I'll go and check the car over. Don't want to get stuck in the middle of nowhere." "Can I come?" Josh looked up at his father eagerly. "When you've finished your breakfast," smiled Mulder. He ruffled Josh's coppery hair as he passed him. Sarah and Stephanie helped to clear the table and load the dishwasher when everyone had finished. Mulder was still outside with the car, and Josh had gone out to join him. "Steph, did you put your dirty laundry in the hamper?" asked Scully. "I don't want to put a load on and then find that you didn't put your stuff out to be washed!" Stephanie rolled her eyes. "I put all my dirty clothes in the hamper last night." "All of them? Could you go up and check?" "Oh, Mom..." "Please, sweetheart." The young girl turned and trooped off to her room, leaving Scully and Sarah alone. "Did you know that Steph asked me if she could have my computer now that I've got the laptop?" said Sarah with a smile. Her parents had presented her with the laptop the night before, as a going away present. The idea had been Scully's - she thought it would be useful for Sarah to have a computer that she could take with her to do her college assignments. Sarah had been thrilled with this unexpected gift. "What did you say?" asked Scully. "I said that she could have it on permanent loan, and that she's to share it with Josh." "Well, that was kind of you, Sarah. I'll make sure that she looks after it, and that they spend equal time on it." Scully looked up into her daughter's face. "Did you pack everything you need?" "I think so. I wonder what on earth Dad's doing with the car?" She made to start walking, but Scully laid a hand on her arm. "I think he just wants to be alone for a while," she explained softly. Sarah nodded. "Okay - I'll go up and make one last check that I haven't forgotten anything." Scully went out to the drive to see what Mulder was up to. Josh was sitting in the driver's seat of his father's car, turning the wheel this way and that, pressing all the buttons and switches on the dashboard. Mulder had the hood up, and was leaning on the radiator, looking down at the engine. "Find anything interesting?" asked Scully. She put her arm through his. "No," answered Mulder. What he knew about cars could be written on the back of a postage stamp. "Don't you think it's time you got this show on the road?" Mulder shrugged. "I was just putting off the inevitable." "I know." Scully stroked his arm. "But she won't be gone forever, Mulder. You know that." "I know, Scully." He stared off into the distance. "Now I know how you felt when your father went off to sea, and how Sarah felt the first time I left her to go off on a case." "Then you also know that after the first time, it gets easier. You can't keep Sarah at home forever, Mulder. She has to fly the nest some time. And you know she has a very promising future ahead of her. You should be very proud of her." "I am proud of her - she's worked so hard to get this college place. It's just that I feel we've spent so little time together. Twelve years is hardly any time at all. I'm just getting to know her, and enjoying her as an adult and now she's leaving." Mulder climbed the stairs with a heavy heart, and made his way along to Sarah's room. He tapped on the door. "Can I come in?" He mustered a smile as he walked through the door. She was just sealing an envelope. "Last minute letter?" "Yeah," smiled Sarah. She slipped the pale green envelope into her backpack. "Are you nearly ready? We should be going soon." "Almost done. My trunk is down in the hall." Sarah glanced at her father - his eyes were so sad. She reached out and placed her fingers on his arm, her head tilted in that same endearing manner that she'd had in her childhood. "Dad?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "It'll be all right." And then she hugged him. Sitting on top of Sarah's trunk was a very familiar object. "You're taking Growler?" asked her father. "Of course I am! I couldn't leave him behind, Dad!" Mulder smiled. Growler had been with Sarah since she was six. He had given her the teddy not long after she had come to live with him. Growler was now threadbare, and missing an eye, but Sarah loved him dearly. Scully was calling Stephanie and Josh to come and say goodbye as Mulder tried to manhandle the small trunk out to the car. "Sarah, what on earth have you got in here?" "Books, clothes, shoes, my family photos - that sort of thing. Oh, and my portable CD player and some CDs... and my art things." Sarah had turned into an accomplished artist. "Are you sure you didn't forget anything? The kitchen sink, perhaps?" he asked, his eyebrows raised. Steph and Josh appeared at Sarah's side, and they all walked out into the sunshine. "Should be a nice drive," commented Scully. Josh was holding on to his big sister's hand. "Why can't I come too?" he asked. "Why does Sarah have to go away?" Mulder silently echoed that feeling. Sarah crouched down and took the little boy's hands in hers. "I'd love you to come - I'd love all of you to come, but it's a very long drive and you'd be tired, Josh. I won't be gone forever - I'll be back before you know it. But while I am gone, I want you and Steph to take good care of Mommy and Daddy for me. Can you do that?" The little boy nodded, and threw his arms around his big sister's neck. Sarah held him tight. "Love you, Sarah." "I love you, too, Josh." She kissed his cheek, then moved on to Steph. "Steph..." "Don't worry - I'll look after Mom and Dad," said the young girl. "And I'll take good care of your computer, I promise." "I know you will, Steph." Sarah reached out and pulled her younger sister into her embrace. "I love you, sis." "I love you too, Sarah." Stephanie kissed her on the cheek. Lastly it was Scully's turn to say goodbye to the child she had taken into her heart so long ago. "Sarah." Scully's eyes were bright with tears. This was painful for her, just as it was for Mulder. "Your mother would be so proud of you." Scully hands ran over Sarah's locks one last time. Sarah fought back her own tears. "Take care of Dad for me," she said softly. "I will - and you take care of yourself. We love you very much - I love you very much." Sarah embraced the diminutive woman that she had come to love as her mother. "I love you, Mom." "Ready?" asked Mulder softly, and Sarah nodded. He handed her the car keys. "You can drive - we'll change places later." Mulder said his goodbyes to Scully and the children, then they both got into the car, and Sarah keyed the ignition. She backed the car out of the drive, then straightened up in the road. The remaining members of the Mulder clan - Scully, Steph and Josh, were now at the road side. "Well, I guess this is it," said Sarah. She gave them a smile and a wave, and slowly pulled away. Josh broke away, and ran along the sidewalk until Sarah turned the corner and was gone. Sarah glanced over at her father, who was watching the passing scenery out of the window. He hadn't said much since they had left home. She knew he was taking her leaving badly. He hadn't said anything, but she knew - her intuition had told her. Something else she had gotten from him. There was so much of him in her, thankfully most of his good traits. How many times had she heard Scully cry in exasperation, "You're your father's daughter, all right!" But Sarah knew that Scully wouldn't have it any other way. She wouldn't change either of them for anything. "Dad? Do you want to stop for a while? I could do with something to drink." "Okay. There's a stop a few miles up ahead. We'll pull in there." Sarah gave her father a smile. He was now 47, and still a handsome man. A few grey hairs were visible at his temples, and he always joked that it was to be expected with three children. She pulled in at the comfort stop and they got out of the car, both glad of the opportunity to stretch their long legs. "Coffee?" asked Mulder. "Yes please. I'll go find a table." He joined her after a few minutes. "I got a couple of danishes to go with the coffee." "Thanks." Sarah looked up at him and he gave her a smile. "Your driving is much improved, I'm glad to say!" His smile turned into a wicked grin. "Well, I had a good teacher!" Sarah grinned back at him. "Mom was very patient with me." "And I wasn't?" he asked in mock surprise. "Well, I think I can safely say that patience is not your strong suit. Not when it comes to that sort of thing, anyway." Sarah smiled at her father over the rim of her coffee cup. He took a bite out of his danish. "I'll remember that when the time comes to review your allowance!" It was Mulder's turn to take the wheel. He slid into the driving seat, not even having to adjust it after Sarah had been in it. Her legs were almost as long as his. They drove along in companionable silence, each with their own thoughts. So much had happened in the twelve years since Sarah had come to live with him. His life had turned out in a way he would never have expected. He had never expected to find happiness after Samantha's disappearance, but he had been blessed many times since. Sarah's birth, marriage to Scully and the births of Stephanie and Josh. He had so much to be thankful for. "Will we have time to stop at Granny Mulder's on the way?" Sarah's question punctured the quiet within the car. "I don't think so, Sarah. You can always visit her another time - she'll be pleased to see you." They were on a tight schedule. Mulder had allowed the whole of the weekend and part of the Monday for the purpose of moving Sarah to college. He had been so proud when the letter had arrived from Harvard, offering her a place on the Psychology course. Like her father, Sarah was an inveterate people watcher. She wanted to know why they did the things they did, what made them tick, and that was why she had chosen psychology. Mulder had been surprised at her choice, and he'd spent many a sleepless night fretting over it. "Are you sure you want to mess with people's heads?" he had asked. "It can be a dangerous thing - you can lose yourself in the process." He knew that better than anyone from bitter experience. "I want to specialize in Child Psychology," Sarah had told him, and that had eased his worries somewhat. She loved children and, like him, seemed to have a natural affinity with them. With his mind at rest, he had supported her wholeheartedly. Sarah glanced over at her father, his mouth set in that familiar way, his hands shifting every now and then on the steering wheel. Usually they talked nineteen to the dozen, laughing and joking, but somehow it just didn't seem appropriate on this occasion. She had always been able to talk to him, but now, words failed her. She didn't know what she could say to make him feel better about this new stage in their relationship. Sarah remembered the envelope in her backpack, and hoped that the letter inside would explain how she felt. "We should think about stopping soon." Mulder's soft voice jogged her out of her reverie. Sarah had been so deep in thought that she hadn't noticed how time had drifted on. The sun was going down, and she glanced at her watch, surprised to find that it was past six. "As long as it's not like one of those dives that Mom says you always made her stay in!" Sarah gave him an amused look. When she was younger, she had loved to sit and listen to the tales that Scully told. Sarah had been so happy when her father and Scully had finally married. One of Sarah's dearest wishes, to be a flower girl, with real flowers in her hair, had at last come true. And her dress had been so pretty, and both Granny Mulder and Granny Margaret had cried. "What about this place?" Mulder slowed right down as they neared the motel. "Sarah?" She was miles away again. "I'm sorry, Dad. This looks fine. Shall I go ahead and make the reservation?" "We'll go together." He parked the car and locked it, then together they went to the front desk. Mulder booked the room, and the desk clerk handed over the keys. Mulder took an overnight bag from the trunk, then locked it. Just as they were about to head for their room he heard, "Dad, wait." "What is it, Sarah?" "Growler. I can't leave him there all night - he looks so forlorn!" Sarah's expression was so sad, and she looked as if she were about to burst into tears. "Well, you'd better take him with you," said her father softly. The teddy bear duly rescued from his lonely spot on the back seat of Mulder's car, father and daughter headed for their room. "Sarah?" Mulder knocked softly on the door. He had assumed that she had locked and bolted the door behind him when he went to find out where they could eat. "It's open, Dad." Mulder went in, and found her sitting in the middle of her bed, cross legged. "Sweetheart, I'd be a lot happier if you kept the door locked." "Yeah - I'm sorry, Dad. I wasn't thinking. I'll keep it locked from now on." He wasn't being over protective - it was simple common sense. "That's my girl." He gave her a warm and loving smile. "Do you want to get something to eat?" Sarah nodded. "What is there around here by the way of eating places?" "The desk clerk says there's a steak house a few miles down the road. Will that do?" She was already off the bed and slipping into her loafers. They enjoyed a leisurely meal, both opting for the steak, although Sarah had hers with a baked potato and salad instead of the fries that her father loved so much. A glass of wine each completed their meal. Mulder contemplated Sarah over the rim of his glass as she absently twirled the stem of hers in her fingers. "You're very quiet tonight," he observed. He missed the lively chatter of her younger days. Sarah gave him a smile. "I'm just tired. It's been a long day." "And we have another long day tomorrow." He watched her for a moment longer. "Is that all that's bothering you, Sarah?" What did he hope she would say? That she didn't really want to go to college, that she wanted to stay with him? "That's all, Dad. I promise you'd be the first to know if there was anything else." "Okay. I'll get the bill and we'll head on back to the motel." They drove back to the motel in silence. Once there, they headed for their room, Sarah to take a shower and Mulder to call Scully. He knew she'd be waiting to hear from him. Scully hurried to answer the ringing telephone. "Mulder! Is everything okay?" "Everything's fine, Scully. We've just eaten, and Sarah's taking a shower." Scully waited. He was worried. There was something he wasn't telling her. "Mulder? Are you sure everything's okay?" He hesitated. "Sarah's been really quiet all day. I've hardly gotten two words out of her. Why isn't she talking, Scully? You know how difficult it used to be to shut her up!" He said it fondly, trying to cover his underlying anxiety. Scully chuckled. "I remember, Mulder. Have you asked her if there's anything bothering her?" "Yeah - she just said that she was tired, that it had been a long day. You don't suppose she's keeping anything from me, do you?" "Like what, Mulder?" "Well, I don't know Scully. She just doesn't seem to be herself." "Mulder, has it occurred to you that although she's thrilled to be taking this place at Harvard, she might be just a little scared too?" "Sarah's my daughter, Scully - I would know." "Perhaps you don't know her as well as you think you do," said Scully softly. "Perhaps you're so wrapped up in how you're feeling about this new development, that you can't see how it's affecting her." "Why would she keep that from me, Scully?" Mulder's tone was sad. "Sarah knows how you feel about this, Mulder. Maybe she doesn't want to burden you with her fears. I know Sarah - she'll talk to you when she's ready. Just don't push it." One thing Scully had learned about Sarah over the years was just how like her father the young girl was. Like him, she would keep things inside, preferring to try and deal with the problem herself. Only when she couldn't find the solution within herself would she confide in someone else. "So you think I should wait until she comes to me? Won't that look like I don't care?" "Sarah knows that you care, she knows that you love her. She'll confide in you when she's ready." Mulder digested that. Scully always spoke sense, and he'd never known her judgement to be wrong. "Okay. How's everything with you? How are Steph and Josh?" "They're fine - missing you both like crazy. I found Josh on Sarah's bed earlier, hugging her pillow. He's in bed now, and Steph's in the bath, but I'll tell them both that you called." "Well, give them both a kiss from me, and one from Sarah, and tell them that I love them." He glanced at his watch. "I'd better go. I'll call again tomorrow night, let you know how it goes and what Sarah's room is like." A pause. "I love you, Scully." "I love you too, Mulder. You and Sarah take care, and give her our love, okay?" "Okay. Talk to you tomorrow." Mulder was stretched out on his bed, channel surfing, when Sarah came out of the shower. She had put on her night clothes and dressing gown. "Did you call Mom?" Mulder nodded. "She sends you her love, along with Steph and Josh." He wasn't going to mention how badly Josh was missing his big sister. He settled himself back on the bed. After a few minutes, and to his surprise, Sarah came and curled up against him. "Would you cuddle me, Dad?" Her soft brown eyes looked up at him in such a way that he found it difficult to refuse. "So, you're not so grown up that you can't come to your old Dad for a cuddle?" He smiled down at her as she settled against him, the crown of her head resting on his shoulder. "I never said I was," she answered, snuggling into his protective embrace. Mulder mourned the passing of her childhood years. The hugs and kisses still abounded, but he missed her climbing up onto his lap to be cuddled, or sneaking into bed beside him in the morning. Steph was not one for that sort of thing, but Josh liked to join his parents in bed for a few minutes every morning. Mulder and Sarah rested quietly together, his hand caressing her long hair as it had done many times in the past. Her fragrance was the same, and it still stirred him just the way it had when she was a child. "Dad?" "Yes sweetheart?" "What was the happiest day of your life?" Sarah shifted so that she could look up into her father's face. "That's a difficult question to answer, Sarah - there have been so many." "But there must be one day that was more special than any other." "What about if I give you two examples? Both were very special for me. The first was the day you were born, although I didn't see you until you were a few hours old. I loved you from the moment I saw you. You were lying there in the crib, and you looked up at me with your big eyes, and I was lost. When I picked you up and held you, counted your tiny fingers and toes, saw your tiny nose and mouth... you were so perfect. Your skin was so smooth and soft, your head was covered in dark down. Then you wrapped your tiny hand around my finger... you were so strong, holding on as if you never wanted to let go. When you looked at me, I felt as if you could see into my very soul. Love has so many different forms, and I'd never experienced anything like the feeling that I'd get whenever I looked at you or held you." His tone was one of awed reverence as he recalled events of long ago. "I knew that my life would never be the same now that you were a part of it. I know now that I should have done things differently - I should have involved myself more in your early years. I should have been a better father than I was." "Don't say that, Dad," said Sarah softly. "I know that you did your best under difficult circumstances. I never felt that I lost out because you weren't around." "Your mother did a good job in raising you, I can't fault that. I just wish I had been there to share in it." Silence fell between them as they both thought about what might have been. Sarah knew the circumstances of her conception and her birth - she knew that the two people that created her had both wanted her and loved her, and that was all that mattered. Mulder knew that if he and Annie had married, the marriage would never have lasted. "So, what was your second most special day?" asked Sarah. "Oh, that's easy!" chuckled her father. "The day I married Scully." "Tell me about it." "You know what happened, Sarah - you were there." "Please Dad... I like to hear you tell the story." Mulder thought back eleven years to his wedding day. The day he was to marry Dana Scully. He had woken up, and just rested on the couch and contemplated the ceiling. The apartment was quiet - there was no Sarah to wake him as she snuck up onto the couch and joined him beneath the blanket for her early morning cuddle. He had left her at Margaret Scully's the night before, along with his mother, who had flown down from Connecticut for the forthcoming nuptials. Scully had taken some time to consider her acceptance of Mulder's proposal. They had drifted along in their little family unit quite comfortably, until one day Scully had said, "I think we should make this legal." She was sure, she was ready, and she didn't want to keep him hanging on for her answer any longer. She was surprised at just how patient he had been. A collective sigh of relief went up from both mothers at the news, and then the rush was on to get everything organized. Mulder and Scully had decided jointly that the wedding would be a small, intimate family affair. They couldn't decide on a suitable venue, until Mrs. Scully suggested the small chapel at the Naval Academy in Annapolis. Scully, mindful of Mulder's lack of religious belief, had not wanted to inflict on him a full scale Catholic wedding. She thought her mother might be disappointed at that, but Margaret was sensitive enough to know that this was her daughter's day. Whatever made Dana happy was all right with her. Mulder and Sarah had driven out to the airport the previous day to collect his mother. Sarah had been excited at the prospect of seeing her Granny again, and was the first to spot her coming through the gate. "There's Granny!" she cried, and before he could stop her, she was hurtling towards the older woman with her father in hot pursuit. Teena Mulder's face creased into a smile at the sight of her only grandchild. "Granny!" cried Sarah in delight, and she threw herself at Teena. "Hello darling," answered Teena warmly, hugging the child against her. Mulder couldn't remember the last time he had heard his mother call anyone "darling." She'd often used the term when speaking to him or Samantha, but that had been a long time ago. "Let me look at you," she said, pushing Sarah away slightly. "My, haven't you grown?" Sarah had chattered excitedly as Mulder had driven them to Margaret Scully's house. "Dana's going to be my new Mommy!" Sarah had informed her grandmother. "I know, dear - isn't it exciting?" she replied. "And I'll have three Grannies! I'll have you, Granny Page and Granny Margaret!" "My, you are a lucky girl!" said Teena. Mulder looked into the rear view mirror to see Sarah cuddled up against his mother. It was a sight he thought he'd never see, especially after his mother's initial reaction to Sarah. He was pleased that it had worked out so well - Sarah spoke to her Granny every week, and they had been up several times to visit. As he dressed in his brand new suit that day, a dark blue Armani that his lanky frame carried to perfection, he wondered what was happening in the Scully household at that particular moment. He smiled to himself as he thought of all those females in close proximity to one another. He knew that Sarah would be excited, and he couldn't wait to see her in her flower girl's dress. He was looking forward to seeing Scully, too, and to finally have her by his side as his wife. Mulder felt very alone as he stood in the chapel, awaiting the arrival of his bride-to-be. His mother was the only other Mulder there, and she was talking quietly with him, fussing over him, glad of the opportunity to do so. Mrs. Scully was flanked by Bill Junior and his family on one side, and on the other stood Charles and his family. Mulder touched his pocket absently, feeling for the ring. He smiled briefly, relieved to find that it was still there. He was surprised at how calm he felt, almost at peace. There was a sudden flurry of activity near the door, and then Sarah was coming towards him. "Oh Sarah," he whispered softly, his eyes misting over. She looked exquisite, her dark hair cascading over her back and shoulders, with a circlet of tiny pink rosebuds and baby's breath on her head. The rosebuds matched the dusky pink of her silk dress, and her slippers were dyed to match. In her hands, she carried a small basket of the same pink roses and baby's breath. Behind Sarah came Scully, a vision of equal loveliness. She wore a simple knee length dress of ivory silk with a lace over blouse. On her feet, she wore ivory silk shoes, decorated with tiny pink rosebuds and pearls that echoed the flowers in Sarah's hair. Her red hair framed her face, and she was wearing the diamond heart pendant that Mulder had given her. As she took her place beside him, she looked up into his eyes and gave him the most wonderful smile. Before he knew it, Mulder was slipping the plain gold band onto her finger, and hearing that he and Scully were now man and wife. The ceremony was followed by a wedding breakfast at an up market restaurant, courtesy of the Scully clan. It was here that Sarah had her first taste of champagne. "Can I try some champagne, Daddy?" Her hand rested on his arm, and her head was tilted to one side. He found that picture so hard to resist. "Just a taste, that's all." He held the champagne flute as she took a mouthful. Sarah giggled. "Daddy, the bubbles are tickling my nose!" "Are they, sweetheart?" he chuckled. "Can I have some more?" "Just one more mouthful." He held the glass again as she drank from it. Scully would probably kill him if she knew what he was doing, but he figured two mouthfuls of champagne wouldn't hurt Sarah, and, after all, it was a celebration. He and Scully had spent their wedding night in the bridal suite of one of the city's best hotels, thanks to his mother. Sarah had gone to stay another night at Granny Margaret's, along with Granny Mulder. She still had her flower girl's dress and slippers to this day, all carefully wrapped in tissue and kept in a box in her closet at home. Sarah chuckled softly as her father completed the narration of his marriage to Scully. "Were you nervous, Dad?" she asked, and he shook his head. "That's the funny part about it, Sarah - I never felt more sure of anything in my life. I knew it was the right thing to do." Sarah rested against him quietly. Her long hair had fallen across her face, and Mulder reached down and tenderly pushed it behind her ear, revealing one of the small gold heart shaped stud earrings that he and Scully had given her for her eighteenth birthday. Around her neck was the locket he had given her on their first Christmas together and the miniature portrait of her mother inside it had been joined by one of her father. Sarah took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Dad?" "Uh huh?" Her huge brown eyes met his. "I'm scared." Sarah's voice came out in a whisper, and once again, she was that little girl in need of her father's love and assurance. "I know, sweetheart," he replied softly, his fingers raking gently through her waves. "It's a big step, leaving home for the first time. But you know what? I think you'll do just fine. And you know you can always talk to me or your Mom. We'll never be more than a phone call away." She digested that, then looked up at him again. "What was your scariest moment?" "Oh, I've had many scary moments, but one of the scariest was holding you for the first time. I was so afraid that I might drop you, or that you would break. I was also scared because holding you brought home to me that I now had the responsibility for a life other than my own. Sweetheart, compared to being a parent, college will be a piece of cake." Sarah laughed softly, then reached up and kissed his cheek. "Thanks Dad." "You're welcome," he replied with a smile. Sarah remained where she was, enclosed in her father's protective embrace, both of them aware that this would probably be the last time that they would have together for a while. Mulder looked down - Sarah had fallen asleep. He carefully extricated himself from under her, settling her in the bed. Then, just like old times, he drew the covers over her and kissed her goodnight. Mulder undressed to his boxers and t-shirt then washed his face and brushed his teeth. He headed for the other bed, picking up Sarah's teddy bear, which, as always, was sitting on the pillow. Holding the toy in one hand, he stretched out on the bed, his thoughts turning to Stephanie and Josh. He could recall the day that Scully had told him she was pregnant with Steph as if it were yesterday. It was some eighteen months after he, Scully and Sarah had moved into "the big house" as Sarah had called it. He had heard Scully's key in the lock, and had ambled out of the cluttered room that was laughingly referred to as the study. It was the only room that hadn't been unpacked. Everything was still in boxes - Scully had become so fed up with it that she had refused to set foot in there, especially as most of the junk was her husband's. She had grown used to the never ending refrain of "I'll do it tomorrow," every time she asked him when he was going to do something about the mess. "That you, Scully?" She smiled to herself. "Who else were you expecting, Mulder?" "I thought it might be that leggy blonde from three doors down... she's always giving me the eye!" He smiled rakishly then leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I thought you'd be home earlier." "I had to stop off at the doctor's on the way." "You're okay, aren't you Scully?" Anxiety etched his features and she put a reassuring hand on his arm. "I'm fine, Mulder. Why don't we sit down?" "Scully, whatever it is you're going to tell me, I'd rather stand." "Okay, but I'm going to sit down." She reached out and took his hands in hers. He had such strong hands. "Mulder, I know how much you love Sarah, and how much you love me... do you have room in your heart for another?" Scully smiled up at him, and for a moment he looked shell-shocked. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? Mulder dropped to his knees and placed a gentle hand against her stomach. "Oh Scully... why didn't you tell me?" "I wanted to be sure myself," she replied. Tears glistened in Mulder's eyes. "When?" "November." Scully hesitated. "Mulder, how do you think Sarah will take the news?" "She'll be thrilled, Scully. You know how much she's wanted this." Her fingers ran through his silken hair. "And what about you? How do you feel about it?" She didn't really need to ask - the expression on his face told her everything she needed to know. "Scully... I want to make love with you... now." What nicer way was there to show her how he felt? "Mulder... Sarah..." "... is staying at Jenny's tonight. It was a last minute thing, so we have the place to ourselves." As Mulder had predicted, Sarah had been thrilled at the prospect of a baby at long last and she'd told the news to anyone that would listen. Mulder chuckled as he thought of the time Scully had taken Sarah along on one of her ante natal visits. "My Mommy's having a baby!" Sarah informed the ultrasound technician excitedly. "Is she? That's wonderful, isn't it?" The technician smiled at Scully as Sarah nodded. "Mommy lets me touch her tummy and I felt the baby moving! It's a girl," announced Sarah confidently. Scully looked at the technician and shrugged - she had no idea of the forthcoming baby's sex. "I told Daddy that I wanted a baby sister, and he said he would see what he could do." The technician chuckled and prepared Scully for the ultrasound. "I thought this was your first child," she said. "It is," answered Scully. "Sarah is my husband's daughter from a previous relationship." At one time, Scully would have choked over those words, but those days had passed long ago. Mulder thought it just as wondrous as his daughter to feel the baby moving inside Scully, and he would lay beside her in their big bed with his hand on the growing bump, or just watching it for signs of movement. His wonder and excitement were tinged with regret that he had missed all this with Sarah. He had not seen Annie once during her pregnancy. That was how she wanted it. They had spoken weekly on the telephone - he had asked her to keep him fully informed of developments, but she didn't want him involved any more than that and he had respected her wishes. Other than provide moral support, there wasn't much else he could do anyway. He was always concerned, anxious that she wasn't overdoing it, putting herself and their baby at risk... just as he was with Scully. At times, Scully had been driven up the wall by Mulder's constant attention - he had been like a mother hen, always fussing around her, treating her like a delicate flower. She got the feeling that had it been possible, he would have carried this baby and given birth to it himself. She knew he meant well, but at times she wanted to scream. However, she indulged him, knowing that he had missed out first time round, but secretly promised herself that next time she would do things her way. Stephanie Louise Mulder arrived on November 20. Luckily it was a weekend, so Mulder had been home. He had whisked Scully to the hospital, calling her mother and arranging that she meet them there so that she could look after Sarah. Although trying not to show it, Scully knew that he was nervous. To all intents and purposes he was a first time father, and for Mulder, the joy of Stephanie's birth had been tinged with profound sadness that he hadn't been there to witness Sarah's entry into the world. It was a sight he would never forget as long as he lived. Sarah, as usual, put everything into perspective when she saw her new sister just minutes after the birth. "Daddy, she's all pink and wrinkly, and her face is all squashed!" Mulder had chuckled and said, "You were like that when you were born. Now look at you - pretty as a picture! Stephanie will be like that one day, too." He smiled as he thought of his second daughter. He loved her dearly, but didn't quite understand her, not the way he understood Sarah. Steph was more likely to go to her mother if she had a problem, rather than come to him. That was a constant source of worry to him, and many were the nights he'd lain in bed, pouring his heart out to Scully. For the first time in his life, he wondered if he was really cut out to be a father, and as usual, Scully was left to soothe his fears. "Mulder, each child is different. They each have their own personality. That's what is so exciting about having children - you never know what you're going to get. It would be pretty boring if they were all the same, wouldn't it?" Stephanie was calm of temperament, bright and musical, like her older sister. She was learning to play the guitar and Granny Margaret had given her the one that had belonged to Melissa. Steph liked her own company, and could quite often be found with her nose buried in some book while her other siblings were outside playing. This aspect of his daughter's personality worried Mulder a little. Their family had been completed by the arrival of Joshua William Mulder, and Mulder's first reaction on learning that he had a son was to remark that now he had someone he could play baseball and shoot hoops with. Josh had a fiery temper, and more often than not, Mulder turned to Sarah to placate him. The little boy idolized her. He liked to watch sports with his father, and they often took themselves off to a football or basketball game. Josh also liked to take things apart and see how they worked. But his most favorite pastime of all was stargazing with his father. Mulder had given Josh his telescope and star charts, and they spent many a happy hour searching the skies for the different constellations. Like his sisters, Josh was bright, and was doing well at school. Mulder had been fully involved in raising the children, from feeding them to changing their diapers and driving them around in the car for hours when they couldn't sleep. He had missed so much with Sarah that he was determined to make up for it with Stephanie and Josh. He liked to be the one to put them to bed, especially when they were babies. They had an old rocking chair, and Mulder liked nothing more than cuddling the baby in his arms, talking and singing softly while he rocked gently, until the baby went to sleep. He cherished the time he spent alone with each child. One of the most special times was the night feed, when he would fetch the baby from the crib, change it, then tuck it in beside Scully so that it could suckle at her breast. He loved to stroke the baby's head gently while it suckled, feeling the soft, downy hair beneath his fingertips. The baby would then spend the rest of the night in bed with them - that way, no-one lost much sleep. He'd been so worried at first about turning over and accidentally flattening the baby, but Scully had assured him that the baby would soon let him know if he did. When Stephanie was a baby, Sarah usually joined them around dawn. Mulder recalled asking Scully once why families didn't all sleep in one bed. Having experienced it firsthand, it was definitely something he would recommend. It felt so good. Sometimes, waking abruptly from a bad dream, he would count heads and be comforted. It gave him great happiness and contentment to have his whole family safe and warm within reach of his touch. When Scully was pregnant with Josh, Mulder had considered buying a king sized bed, but then Sarah had surprised them by announcing in a very grown up voice that she didn't need to sleep with her parents anymore. Although he was proud of his daughter's maturity, Mulder missed her in the bed. He knew that it was the first of many small steps towards independence and separation. He knew that it was the first step on the road that had brought them to this day. He recalled how his mother had fretted about them spoiling their children... predicting that they would never learn to sleep in their own beds... but in fact, each child had chosen to leave the family bed when the time was right for that child. Mulder and Scully had regained their privacy, and they had three very confident and well-adjusted children. After Stephanie was born, and at the end of her maternity leave, Scully had taken a teaching job at Quantico that afforded more regular hours. She still performed autopsies regularly, determined to keep up with her chosen field of expertise. She also kept abreast of developments in the world of medicine. While the children were still young, she wanted to be around for them, but once they were a little older, it was her intention to resume her career in forensic medicine. However, things had a habit of changing when you least expected it and she wanted to keep her options open. Mulder yawned. All this reminiscing wasn't going to help him sleep. He never slept well when away from Scully as it was, and he and Sarah had another long day ahead of them tomorrow. He picked up her threadbare teddy and smiled fondly. "Well, Growler," he said softly. "I think you and I ought to get some sleep." With that, he placed the teddy on the nightstand, and slid beneath the bed covers. He reached out and turned off the light, then pulled the pillow about until it was comfortable beneath his head. He lay there and stared up at the ceiling for a while, listening to Sarah's soft breathing, his thoughts just drifting, touching on this and that until he eventually fell asleep. The next morning they were up early. Mulder watched as Sarah slicked on some lip gloss before they set off on the next leg of their journey. It was all the make-up she needed - her face was still lightly tanned from the late summer vacation the family had taken in Hawaii. They'd had a wonderful time, and even Mulder had enjoyed himself. He'd never been one for taking vacation time, but marriage to Scully had changed all that. She'd managed to convince him that time away from work was essential for his well-being. To his surprise, he found that he looked forward to the time that they spent away as a family. And it was so nice to be able to do things together, instead of with one or other of his children. Mulder took the wheel for this next leg, and again he and Sarah drove along in companionable silence. Sarah was going to miss him so much. She was going to miss all of her family, but her father most of all. Sarah wondered if she were alone in having the kind of relationship that she and her father shared - none of her friends seemed to have that sort of close relationship with their fathers. She'd asked Scully if it was normal, and was surprised to learn that she had had the same sort of relationship with her own father. "Seeds?" Sarah turned to her father to see him grinning and holding out a bag of their favorite sunflower seeds. "Thanks," she replied, taking the bag from him. She dipped into it and took out a small handful, then placed it on the dashboard. She cracked a seed between her teeth, smiling at her father. He studied her face. He couldn't even see the scar on her nose anymore. She had fallen off a climbing frame at the age of seven. When Scully had told him what had happened, he had been overcome with guilt for not being there. When he'd seen Sarah's beautiful little face marred by the line of black stitches he had almost cried. But the scar had faded in time, and now it was barely visible. It was Josh who was the most accident prone out of the three of them - just like his father. So much so that Mulder joked that the hospital was fast becoming Josh's second home. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd come home from work and found Scully and Josh missing. When he asked where they were, the answer was always the same. "At the hospital," the two girls would chorus in unison. The last time it had happened, Mulder had threatened to put Josh on an elastic leash, "so that next time, you'll bounce!" The little boy was always in some sort of scrape, and if he wasn't damaging his clothes, he was damaging his person. Mulder was continually worried that someone might think that they were ill-treating Josh, given the number of cuts, scratches and bruises the child always seemed to have. Even Stephanie had given her father a scare when she was young by falling off the couch onto her head. Even though the floor was carpeted, Mulder had heard the crack as her head connected with it. Luckily there was no lasting damage - Steph just had a nasty bruise to show for her tumble. He soon learned to grow eyes in the back of his head where the children were concerned. Mulder and his daughter were nearing their destination. They'd stopped briefly for lunch and were making good time. The nearer they came to Boston, the heavier the atmosphere became in the car. It was laden with unspoken feelings and emotions. For Sarah, it just wasn't the fact that she was leaving behind her father and the family that she loved, but that she was returning to the place where it had all begun. The place where she was conceived, where she was born, where her mother had died. Some of her other family still lived here - her Uncle Tim and Aunt Clare, the parents of her five cousins. Only two of the cousins remained at home, of the other three, the eldest was working and the others were at college. Sarah's Granny Page had passed away two years previously and Sarah had been heartbroken. Mulder had accompanied her to the funeral, and she had cried all the way through it. Sarah had remained close to her Granny in Boston, despite her life becoming increasingly intertwined with the Mulder and Scully families. Over the Charles River and on into Cambridge. Sarah looked about her as they drove, around the place that was to be her home for the next few years. She grew increasingly nervous the nearer they got to the university. Then, they were there, and Mulder was bringing the car to a halt. "Sarah? Sweetheart, we're here." Mulder's voice was soft, his expression tender as he regarded her. Then she was getting out of the car. He followed her and locked it. "I guess I should go find my room," she said. "That might be a good idea," smiled Mulder. He followed her into the hall of residence, up the stairs and along the corridor to room thirty six. Sarah unlocked the door and went in, straight across to the window. "Oh, Dad - come and look! There's a view right over the campus! I'll be able to set my easel up right here and paint!" Mulder smiled to himself - Sarah's mind was racing away already with the infinite possibilities before her. He was so proud of her - she was so talented. As well as all the other things she did so well, she was turning into a promising writer. She'd had several articles published in her school magazine over her last two years there. Maybe she'd get involved with the college magazine at some point. Or maybe she'd want to do something different - there would be plenty of clubs and societies for her to choose from. There was a tap at the door, and Sarah and her father turned simultaneously. "Hi - is this room thirty six?" A petite blonde was making the enquiry. "Yes, this is thirty six," answered Sarah. "I guess that means we're roommates!" The blonde came into the room and stuck out her hand. "Caron Bassett." "Sarah Mulder." The two girls shook hands. "This is my father." Sarah indicated Mulder and he and Caron shook hands. "Sweetheart, I'll go get some of your things, but you'll have to help me with the trunk." "Okay, Dad." Sarah watched him depart. "How's your Dad holding up?" asked Caron. Sarah shook her head. "He's not handling it very well." "Mine neither," answered Caron. The trunk safely stowed in Sarah's room, it was time to say goodbye. Caron had disappeared with her own father, whom Mulder had encountered outside. Mr. Bassett had made a remark about the worrying never ending, and Mulder agreed that it was true. Scully had confirmed that for him a long time ago, the first time he had ever left Sarah to go off on a case. So father and daughter faced each other by the car. "Caron seems very nice," said Mulder, anxious to put off the moment he was dreading. Sarah nodded. "I'm sure we'll get on like a house on fire." "Well, I think the college authorities try to match students with similar interests when it comes to roommates. If she's an artist, you'll have to fight over the window!" Sarah smiled at her father's attempt at humor. "I'll be okay, Dad," she said softly. Mulder put his hands on her arms. "If it gets too much and you need a bolt hole, you can always go to Granny Mulder's, or to Tim and Clare's. You know they will always be glad to see you. And your Mom and I will never be more than a phone call away. You can call anytime - morning, noon or night. We'll always be there for you." "I know, Dad. Now you should get going before it gets too late. You know Mom will worry about you." Father and daughter faced one another for a moment, then Mulder drew her into his arms, holding her, his gentle hands moving up and down her back. She squeezed him tight, then slowly drew away. "There're seeds in the glove box in case you get hungry," she said. Mulder smiled. She knew he was lost without his supply of seeds. "Thanks." Another silence. "You really should go, Dad." "Yeah." Then he pulled her into his arms again, hugging her tightly. "I love you Sarah. You take care, and make sure you call home regularly." "I love you, too, Dad." Sarah reached up, and kissed her father's cheek. "Bye Dad." She watched as he got into the car, as he started the ignition, as he drove slowly away. She waved until she could no longer see him. She was now alone, in a strange new place, with people she hardly knew. Sarah had been in this position before and survived, she would do it again here. She looked around her, at the old ivy clad buildings. So much history surrounded her - she knew was a very lucky young woman. Feeling hungry, Mulder remembered Sarah's comment about the seeds in the glove box. He snapped it open, and felt around for the little packet. Something pale green caught his eye and he drew it out. It was the envelope - the one that he had seen Sarah sealing just before they had left home. Mulder took his eyes off the road momentarily to look at it. It was addressed to him, in Sarah's neat script. As soon as he was able, Mulder pulled over and stopped the car. He tore open the envelope and drew out the pale green sheet of writing paper inside. He unfolded it, and it was covered in Sarah's small, feminine hand. Then he began to read. Dearest Daddy, It took a lot of courage for you to take me into your life full time after Mommy died. You were faced with a daughter that you had only seen a few times a year, and I with a father and a home that I barely knew. I'm sure there must have been times when you wondered what on earth you had done in taking me on. It was hard, in the beginning, but it was a lot of fun learning to live together. I will always remember your infinite patience and tenderness throughout the many disturbed nights. All the nights you sat by my bed and watched me sleep - I didn't need to see you to know that you were there, watching over me. It was so comforting to know that you were always there whenever I needed you. Daddy, I wish with all my heart that you had been with me from the day I was born, but I know how things were with you and Mommy. She always spoke warmly of you, and I know that you were fond of her in your own way. It doesn't matter that you weren't in love with one another - the important thing was that you both loved me, and that I was secure in that knowledge. You have always been an endless source of encouragement and praise, and for that I thank you. I have learnt a lot from you over the years, and I hope that I will be able to put it into practice in my chosen career. I know you were a little perturbed by my career choice, but I suppose it was inevitable that I would choose to follow you into Psychology, what with your background in that subject, Dana's background in medicine and Mommy's in the sciences! I just hope that I can make you proud of me - all of you. Daddy, know that despite the early difficulties of our life together, I always felt safe, secure, and loved, and that still holds true today. I will always remember your strong arms around me, protecting me. Even now, when you are away, all I have to do is close my eyes and I can smell the comforting but understated smell of your cologne and I am six years old again. Do you remember when I told you that I wanted to live with you forever? That I would still love you, even when you were a toothless and grumpy old man? Times change Daddy, and it is now time for me to start making my own way in the world. I know you will always be there for me, and that I will always have a home to come back to. I will always love you, Daddy, and although we may be apart, know that I am always with you. Your loving daughter, Mulder opened his wallet, and took out the small picture of Sarah that he kept there. It had been taken just after she had come to live with him. He sat and stared at it through the tears that had filled his eyes and now ran unchecked down his cheeks. He must have sat there for a while before he felt ready to drive on. He tucked the photo back into his wallet, and put the letter carefully back into the envelope. He had been careful not to let any tears smudge Sarah's words - words she had spoken from her heart. He would show the letter to Scully when he got home, then it would join Sarah's picture in his wallet, where it would be carried close to his heart. The End
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