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Title: Sarah 07. Mischief X-PHILES: You are welcome to re-post or otherwise distribute this story among other X-Philes, as long as you do so for free, and my name and e-mail address go with it as author. Summary: This is part of a series of stories by Carol Gritton and Eleanore. Sarah has come to live with her father, Fox Mulder, and they are having some difficulties adjusting to their new life together. Borderline romantic. Mulder angst. "Sarah! Your glass... " Too late. The grape juice went over, narrowly missing the keyboard, but soaking his field report. Sarah jumped up to one side of the chair, her eyes wide. "I'm sorry, Daddy! It was an accident!" Mulder was hastily mopping up the juice with the first thing he could find... a formerly white tea towel. His daughter stood, poised to run, her face set to crumple into tears. "I've told you over and over again, Sarah." His voice was loud and angry. "No food or drinks at the computer. You know that. What were you thinking, bringing your juice over here?" "I forgot." The tears started to fall. "I'm sorry, Daddy." Mulder sighed in exasperation. She looked so forlorn that he was tempted to relent, but he remembered enough child psychology to know that it would be very bad for Sarah, and for their relationship, to let her think that she could manipulate him with tears. She needed consistency. He knelt down before her and took her hand in his. "I'm sorry, too, Sarah," he said more calmly. "I know that you could remember the rule if you tried. I warned you last time, that you would lose computer time if you couldn't follow the rules. I'm afraid that you are not allowed to use the computer anymore today." "But I'm in the middle of a game, Daddy! Can't I just finish the game? Please?" Her little face was so contrite and her eyes still swimming with tears. "No. Sorry. I need the computer now to print out another copy of the report that your juice ruined." "That's so mean, Daddy. You're just mean and horrible!" She wrenched her hand away from him and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door for punctuation. Mulder ached as he cleaned up the rest of the spill. He hated any exchange of harsh words with Sarah. His tender heart remembered all too well how unfair childhood seemed to the child, and he knew that she was still suffering from the loss of her mother. However, he resisted the urge to go to her and cuddle her in apology. This parenting thing was painful. "You did the right thing, Mulder. Stop beating yourself up over it." Scully was standing beside his desk, coffee in hand. "All the articles I've ever read agree with you completely. A child needs rules and discipline. Tempered by love." "Why do I feel like such an ogre, then?" He was leaning back in his desk chair, swinging back and forth unhappily. She laughed. "You are not an ogre." "I'm not sure Sarah would agree. Lately it seems that we are fighting all the time. All I ever seem to do is yell at her and punish her." He swallowed. It really hurt. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on the chair arms and looked down at the floor. "I'm scared, Scully." "Tell me," she said softly, moving closer, resisting the urge to put her hand out and stroke his hair. "Maybe it sounds stupid, but I'm afraid that she won't love me." He wouldn't meet her eyes. Scully put her coffee on the desk, and squatted down beside his chair so that she could see up into his face. How many times had he made this same movement, to speak to her privately... eye to eye? It felt strange to be doing it for him. "It's not stupid, Mulder. Not at all. I think lots of parents worry about that. But the fact is, that despite the arguments and the discipline, children love their parents. And if you are fair and consistent and always try to do what you feel is best for them, they grow up to respect you, too." He nodded, but without conviction. "Weren't there times in your childhood when you felt like you absolutely hated your parents because they punished you unfairly, or wouldn't allow you to do something that you really wanted to do?" This time her hand did come out to rest comfortingly on his arm. "And don't you still love your parents?" "But this is different, Scully. I haven't been with Sarah since birth. She hasn't loved me unquestioningly for years. I'm a new factor in her life." He was looking at her now, and his face was so woeful, her heart went out to him. Love had such tremendous power to hurt. "I'm actually more in the position of a step-father. And you know that it's a time honored tradition to hate your step- parent. All those fairy tales can't be wrong." He gave a crooked smile. "You can't interpret fairy tales literally, Mulder. They are only metaphors for the truth. I seem to remember you telling me something along those lines about the Bible. If you believe the Bible is only symbolic, surely you can't believe in fairy tales." She was smiling up at him now. His eyes smiled back at her. "Might have known that you'd use that argument against me at some point." "I think you're worrying too much. You're new on the job... taking over a project six years in the making, with no apprentice period. It's bound to be stressful and difficult at first. But you're doing a good job. Not perfect perhaps, but no parent is perfect. No child is perfect." Scully stood and picked up her coffee again. "As to whether Sarah loves you or not... all you have to do is watch her face when she's with you. She adores you, Mulder." Scully drank from the mug to cover her own face. There was that traitorous feeling of jealousy again. Mulder stood, picked up his empty mug, and moved towards the door. "She was so good at first, Scully. Polite... quiet... cooperative. You remarked upon it yourself. Now she's rude and noisy and careless. I feel that I must already have been a bad influence upon her." Scully laughed. "Mulder... how long did you think a six-year- old would be able to keep up such artificially angelic behavior? One thing about kids that I do know, is that normal kids, good kids, still misbehave some of the time. If you accept that, and expect that, your life becomes a lot easier. She's just making up for lost time. Must have been quite a strain, being so good for so long." He was looking at her from the doorway. "So this is a good thing? This is normal?" "I think so." He nodded slowly. "You're probably right, Scully. It must mean that she's starting to feel at home. Starting to feel free to be herself." He gave a small humph. "I guess it's naive of me to think that I know her, when I've only seen her for a few hours, three or four times a year. I wonder what the real Sarah Elizabeth Page Mulder will be like?" Scully stood looking at the empty doorway. It took years to get to know some people... to feel really close to them. And others just waltzed into your heart like you'd been friends for a lifetime and settled in to stay. Where was this thing with Mulder going to end up? It didn't seem to be going anywhere very fast. And with Mulder in residence, there wasn't any room for another man in her heart. "This is beyond belief. Marker, Scully! On the wall! A six-year- old knows better than that." He swung his arm and purposely smashed the side of the filing cabinets. They made a most satisfying noise, without hurting the hand. It was one of Mulder's favorite ways to let off steam. "It will have to be sanded off and repainted." "Maybe she thought they were the water soluble kind, that wash off," said Scully from her desk. "And that makes it okay to draw on the wall?" He loomed over her menacingly. "Sarah knows better than that. And she knew it was permanent. It's not like it was from a set of colored pens. This was a plain black pen that I use for labelling boxes and packages, and I warned her not to use it. She has her own set of pens that are water soluble." He made another loop around the room, smashing the files again for good measure. "What is it? What's wrong? We can't even get through an evening without a confrontation. She just seems to do one bad thing after another, and I'm getting mighty short tempered about it all." "Did you punish her?" "We agreed that she had forfeited her right to have markers. I put them away for a while." Mulder threw himself down in his chair. "She's going to have to help me sand it off, too," he said petulantly. He shoved the files around on his desk for a few moments. "You know, she doesn't try to get out of the punishments I've given her. She cries and calls me names at the time, but she's never really defied me over them." "What do you make of that?" "I'm worried that she feels guilty in some way about the death of her mother. You know how children often feel guilty when their parents' divorce. They think that somehow it's their fault. Do you think that she might feel that Annie's death was her fault? Is she misbehaving because she thinks that she deserves to be punished?" Scully shook her head. "I can't help you there, Mulder. Too deep for me. If you think that might be what the problem is, you should probably get her some counselling." He took a deep breath and blew it out. "I'd rather not do that. I'd rather try to sort it out myself. Sometimes a small problem that would normally fade with time is made into a big problem by focusing too much attention on it. I don't want to make Sarah feel that there's something wrong with her." "So what do you plan to do?" "I'm not sure. I would appreciate your opinion, Scully." "I've never been around when she's had one of these spells of misbehavior. She was good as gold when I took her shopping before Christmas." "Come to dinner with us tonight. If this evening is anything like the last couple of weeks, you'll get a chance to observe the conflict at first hand. I promised to take her to a real restaurant with tablecloths. Afterwards we'll probably pick up a couple of videos. I usually let her stay up a little later on Friday and Saturday nights." "A restaurant with tablecloths? Sarah is having quite a civilizing effect on you, Mulder. I'd love to come." Sarah was full of chatter, leaning forward so that Scully could hear her from the front seat of Mulder's car. "Me and Bobby Connor, we're writing a play. It's like the three little pigs except it's the three enormous elephants. Bobby is going to be the hungry, hairy lion, and I'm going to be the most enormous elephant. Cindy and Darryl are going to be the other two elephants, but I'm the biggest, because the leader of a herd of elephants is a female. She's called a matriarch. Mrs. Vanderhelm... she's Carla's mom and she comes in to help some days... she's helping us write it all down. When it's done we're going to do a performance for the Kindergarten kids. But the parents can come too. You could come, Dana. Would you like to come?" Scully was twisted in her seat as far as the seat belt would allow. "Yes, I would like to come, if I can get away from work. Do you know what day it will be?" "I'll ask Miss Smythe. When the grade five class did their play the parents brought cookies and drinks and they had an intermission. If Miss Smythe asks us to bring stuff, I can just take juice, 'cause Daddy doesn't make cookies. Vanessa never brings anything. She's a foster child." "Would you like me to bring something, Sarah?" "Can you bake brownies?" "Yes, I can bake brownies." Scully smiled at Sarah's eager little face. "You could help me bake them. We could make them ahead of time, and put them in your Daddy's freezer. Then even if I couldn't make it to the play, you could take the brownies for intermission." "That would be okay. But I hope you can come to see the play. It's going to be even better than the grade five play. Mrs. Vanderhelm is going to make us elephant trunks." "Maybe you will all sound like Mr. Snuffelupagus," Scully said with a smile. Sarah's eyes widened. "Do you watch Sesame Street, Dana?" "I do when I'm looking after my niece and nephew. Mr. Snuffelupagus is my favorite character." "I like Grover... Suuperr Grover!" Scully joined in. "Suuuperr Groverrr!" Mulder shook his head as the other two laughed merrily. They had to wait a few minutes for their table. Sarah was watching the lobsters in the tank by the entrance. "She seems to be fine so far, Mulder." "She's glad to see you, Scully. Give it time. It's kind of a Jekyll and Hyde type of thing." Sarah came towards them with her hands held aloft, snapping in the air like lobster claws. "You'd better put elastics on me, Daddy, before I pinch you." Mulder held one of her claws shut with his hand, while he tried to evade the other one which was attacking his stomach. "Settle down, you two. Our table's ready." Sarah sat back in her chair, smoothing her skirt, and graciously thanking the waiter when he filled her water glass. The child was obviously quite accustomed to this style of dining. Scully couldn't remember the last time anyone had taken her to dinner in a restaurant 'with tablecloths'. When she looked at the menu, she cringed a little. This was going to be costly, but Mulder didn't seem to be concerned. He ordered a bottle of wine for Scully and himself, and a Shirley Temple for Sarah. "What would you like, Sarah?" Mulder held the menu so that Sarah could see it too, although the handwritten bill of fare was impossible for her to read. "They have steak and chicken and fish." "I think I'd like to start with pate. Is the fish fresh trout or Sole Almandine?" Mulder didn't miss a beat. "Steamed Salmon." "That would be nice. With rice, Daddy, not potatoes." "All right. And for you, Scully?" His lips were twitching. What the heck. Might as well take advantage of this windfall. "A shrimp cocktail, please, and... the Filet au Poivre." She watched him over the rim of her wine glass as he relayed their requests to the waiter, adding onion soup and rack of lamb for his own dinner. He seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. Scully relaxed and decided to do the same. Sarah dominated the conversation while they waited for their dinner, but once the food came, she tucked in with good appetite, leaving Scully and Mulder to steer the conversation along more adult lines. Inevitably, they ended up discussing their latest case. The waiter came to clear the plates. "Are you finished, Miss?" Sarah nodded. "I just can't finish my rice." She wiped her mouth daintily with her linen napkin. "Could it have anything to do with the two buttered rolls that you ate?" asked Mulder with a twinkle. "Daddy. It's not polite to mention how much someone eats." "Sorry." Mulder grinned. "They were good, weren't they? I had two myself." Sarah gave a contented sigh. "I love french bread." Mulder ordered coffee for himself and Scully. "Daddy, can I have another Shirley Temple?" He eyed the size of the glass that the drink had come in. "I don't see how you could possibly have room for another big drink, sweetheart. Just have a little water instead." "No, Daddy. I want another Shirley Temple." Scully's head swung around to look at the little girl in surprise. There had been a goading edge in Sarah's voice that she had never heard there before. Sarah was looking at her father with a stubborn glare. "You and Dana are having another drink, and you had a whole bottle of wine. I want another Shirley Temple." "Sarah." Mulder's tone was one of warning. "I don't like to order something that I'm pretty sure will go to waste." "I won't waste it. I promise to drink all of it." Mulder hesitated, then decided not to make an issue of it. The drink was ordered and was delivered to the table along with the two cappuccinos. Scully was only half listening to Mulder now. She was watching Sarah toying with her drink. The little girl would glance up at Mulder every few minutes to see if he was noticing that she hadn't drunk a single drop. Mulder paid no attention. A tray of desserts went by their table. "Daddy, we didn't order dessert. I want a piece of Black Forest cake." Mulder pressed his lips together. "Sarah. You could barely finish your dinner. I think you're too full for dessert." "No I'm not. My dinner has settled already. Please, Daddy. Black Forest cake is my favorite dessert." "I'm sorry, Sarah. I'm not ordering you a dessert. Scully and I aren't having dessert either." "Daddy, you have to get me a piece of Black Forest cake." She had raised her voice. People at the adjoining tables were starting to look their way. Mulder reached out and put his hand over Sarah's. "Please keep your voice down, Sarah. I am not going to order you a piece of cake, and that's final." Sarah pulled her hand away from him. "You never get me anything. You're too mean and stingy to buy what I want." Mulder looked like a volcano about to blow. "Perhaps we could have ice cream later when we're watching the videos," Scully put in hopefully. "That's a good idea." He flashed Scully a look of gratitude. "I don't want ice cream," Sarah said scathingly. "I want a piece of Black Forest cake." She paused, then raised her voice and thrust in the knife. "Mommy would let me have it." Mulder went rigid. Scully knew that it was with pain as well as anger. The child had hurt him deliberately. "That's enough, Sarah. Now drink your Shirley Temple, and we'll be going." He reached into his jacket for his wallet. Sarah was watching him from under her lashes. "I can't drink it," she said, a sullen pout distorting her face. "Why not? You insisted that you wanted it." "It has too much red stuff in it. It's too sweet." Scully gasped at the brazen lie. She knew for a fact that Sarah had not even tasted the drink. "Fine," Mulder muttered through gritted teeth. "I pay for it whether you drink it or not. Let's go." Scully and Mulder got to their feet. "Just a second, Daddy. Maybe I'll have some of my drink after all." "It's too late now." He took Sarah by the hand and started to pull her to her feet. "I just want a little." Sarah reached out for the moist glass just as Mulder gave her other arm an impatient jerk. Over went the drink... spreading its red stain quickly across the white cloth and down on to the upholstered seat of the chair where Scully had been sitting. "Sarah Elizabeth!" Sarah was on her feet now, keeping the chair between herself and Mulder. "It was an accident, Daddy." Scully could see the fear in her white face, but the child seemed driven to make matters worse. "You shouldn't have jiggled me," she keened. "I just wanted a drink." Then she burst into noisy tears, thereby gaining the sympathy of many of the onlookers. Mulder's face was just as white as his daughter's. "Would you please take Sarah out to the car, while I pay the bill, Scully." Scully was glad to escape the looks of the other diners. She remembered with chagrin all the times that she had watched a parent with an uncooperative child and she had sympathized with the child. Never again. Sarah let Scully help with her coat, and then they went out to the car. By the time Mulder got into the driver's seat, Sarah had stopped crying and was looking out of her window with a woebegone face that would have melted a heart of stone. Scully was perplexed. Sarah had instigated, choreographed and performed the entire scene for some reason that was beyond Scully, but it had not made her happy. What was it that the child was after? "Is she just looking for attention?" Mulder asked after Sarah was in bed. "I don't think so. You give her plenty of attention, Mulder. You read to her and play with her and listen to her when she talks." In fact, she thought, it was hard to get Mulder's attention away from Sarah. "Do you think that she wants to be punished?" Scully bit her lip. It was one possible explanation. Sarah was pushing Mulder to the edge on purpose. "I noticed that you didn't punish her. I thought that you might have sent her to bed instead of letting her stay up to watch the movie with us." Mulder shrugged unhappily. "Well, it was partly my fault that the drink got spilled." "I'm sorry, Mulder, I don't know what to say except that there is definitely some motive behind it. These are not just random acts of carelessness or childishness. She watches you the whole time, waiting for something." Mulder lifted the top off his cheeseburger and stared at the greasy fried onions that he loved. "I got a phone call asking me to come to the school yesterday... to see the big guns. The principal and Miss Smythe and the school counsellor. If I hadn't been so worried about Sarah, I would have been scared out of my wits." He gave a halfhearted smile in an attempt to disguise his anxiety. "And what did they say?" Scully poked at her salad. "Sarah has been rude and defiant to Miss Smythe. Hasn't been finishing her work. Wastes supplies. Is purposely disruptive in group work. Miss Smythe took her out of the play, Scully." He looked up at her. "You know how much she was looking forward to the play." Scully frowned and waited. Mulder looked down at his lunch again. "Yesterday at recess she threw a rock at one of the other kids. They had to take him to the clinic for a couple of stitches." He put the top back on the burger, and picked it up. "They have suspended her for a week. So that she will understand the seriousness of her behavior. They feel that a 'time out' may give her a chance to regain control. To make a fresh start. Of course, what they didn't say was that Sarah is a threat to the other children's safety." Now he took a big bite from the burger and doggedly chewed away on it. "Regain control? When we were out to dinner, Sarah was in complete control... of herself and the situation." "It's gotten worse. Whatever the problem is, it's taken over. She's just not the same child." "What does the school counsellor have to say? Has she talked privately with Sarah?" "Yes. She says that given the stress that Sarah has undergone in the last year, it's not surprising that she's gone a little haywire. She feels that Sarah will get over it if she is treated firmly and consistently, and reassured that she is loved." His voice wobbled a little, but he went on. "She recommended that I get private counselling for her." "And what does Sarah have to say about all this?" "Not much. She won't talk to me. She's cut herself off from me, and that's how I know that it has something to do with me, Scully. I'm part of the problem. She's all alone and very disturbed about something, and for some reason she can't confide in me." "I wonder if she would talk to her Grandmother Page about it?" Mulder looked up. "That's a good suggestion. She is close to Granny Page. If she would confide in her it would lead to a faster solution. A professional counsellor would have to build up an atmosphere of trust first, and that takes time. I'll contact her Grandmother tonight." "Have you tried talking to her friends? Who does she hang out with at school?" "She used to mix easily with several groups of children. Now she has only one friend. A girl named Vanessa, who... according to the school counsellor... is a bit of a social misfit. You're right. I should talk to her, and her parents. Sarah has been to her house a couple of times." Scully was frowning with concentration. "Vanessa is a foster child." "How do you know that, Scully?" "Sarah told me herself, in the car that night. She said that Vanessa never brought anything for snacks, because she was a foster child." "Do you think that's got something to do with all this?" "I think you should definitely talk to the foster parents." "Yes, I'll do that. In the meantime... could you come over and spend Saturday with us? I think we need an impartial observer, the stabilizing influence of a neutral third party." His eyes were full of pain. "I'm afraid that I'll get so mad that I'll hit her." "No you won't, Mulder. The kind of people who hit their kids are not the ones who worry about the possibility of it happening." "I'd just feel better if you were there." "I'll be there." When Scully arrived for brunch on Saturday, she was shocked at the change two weeks had made in Sarah. She had refused to let Mulder brush her hair that morning, and was still in her pajamas, smudges of what looked like last night's dinner on her chin. Although she was coolly civil to Scully, she didn't give her a welcome hug, and she didn't have the attention span to sit beside her and read a story. Tense and jumpy, she flitted from activity to activity, always complaining, always demanding, always unhappy. In the bedroom Sarah's toys and books were scattered all over the floor. Pieces of a puzzle hither and yon. A picture torn from a book and scribbled on. Yesterday's clothes in a heap. Scully was glad that Mulder had already made the appointment for counselling. Sarah's previously sweet, calm and orderly personality was in shreds. Over their coffee, Mulder reported what he had learned about Sarah's friend, Vanessa. "A broken home. Mother ran off with another fellow. Vanessa's father looked after Vanessa and her brother for a while, but he got laid off, started drinking heavily. He kept the boy... he's a half-brother, actually, six years older... by a different mother. Vanessa became a ward of the state. Her father couldn't afford to keep her, and the social services people felt that it would be safer for her not to live with her father while he was in such an unstable state. Then one day he just disappeared. Packed up and took the boy with him. Vanessa has been in several different foster homes over the last two years. She's become quite a behavior problem and has been kept back at school, despite being bright. She's eight." "Maybe Sarah has been copying Vanessa's behavior. If she's a little older, Sarah might look up to her, and want to imitate her." Scully remembered her own school years and how exciting the "bad" kids were... the ones who didn't care what people thought... the ones who lived life by their own rules. The ones like Mulder. She could easily imagine Sarah being enticed into misbehaving by such a child. It was a difficult day. After they had eaten, Sarah let Scully brush her hair and wash her face, and she consented to put on a clean blouse and bib overalls. While she was helping with these activities, Scully surreptitiously took Sarah's pulse, gauged her temperature and blood pressure, took a good look into her eyes. She had lost a little weight, but she wasn't sick. Scully felt that she was suffering from depression. Later in the afternoon, Mulder decided that it was time to broach the subject of the counselling appointment set for Monday morning. He sat beside Sarah on the couch and tried to put his arm around her. She shrugged him off and moved farther away. "Sarah, I know that we haven't been getting along very well lately. You've been unhappy and you've been getting into trouble more often than you used to. I thought that it might be a good idea to go and talk to someone about it." "Talk to someone about what?" "About why you do these things. About whatever it is that's making you unhappy." "You mean a social worker." "Well, no. A psychologist. She specializes in helping unhappy children." "You mean a counsellor for bad kids." Sarah's face was stony. Mulder was puzzled. Where was Sarah getting her information from? "I don't think you're a bad kid, Sarah. I just know that you have been acting bad lately, and I don't know why." "So I have to go and talk to this lady, and she'll tell you what's wrong with me." This was exactly what Mulder had wanted to avoid. "There's nothing wrong with you Sarah." Sarah jumped off the couch and faced Mulder, her face taut and angry. "I don't want to talk to any lady." "I've already made the appointment Sarah. We'll go together." "I won't talk to her." "It's not till Monday. Let's leave it for a while. We can talk about it again later." He got up and went into the kitchen where Scully had been listening as she assembled ingredients for a batch of cookies. "I WON'T TALK TO HER!" He sank into a chair. "I guess that went about as well as could be expected." "Hang on, Mulder." Scully put her arm about his shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "We'll get it sorted out." "Yeah." He looked up at her. "Thanks for coming, Scully." She squeezed him again, resting her cheek against his hair for just a moment, then went back to her baking preparations. Mulder wandered off to work at his desk, leaving Scully alone in the kitchen. She started to hum as she worked. At the back of one cupboard she had found two cookie sheets that looked like they had been used to reheat pizza. She was just finished cleaning them when Sarah slipped into the room. Scully smiled at her as she got out a big bowl and snapped the beaters into the mixer. "What are you going to make, Dana?" The little voice was sad. "Peanut butter cookies. I checked. We have all the ingredients. Would you like to help?" "Okay." Sarah and Scully took their time over the peanut butter cookies. Sarah helped, but she was listless and distracted, only perking up when it was time to squash the balls of dough with the big fork dipped in sugar. The phone rang several times and Scully could hear Mulder talking at length in the other room. When the first cookies were nearly cool, Scully poured out two glasses of milk and sat at the little table with Sarah to sample the goods. She had not pressured Sarah to talk, and they were just sitting in companionable silence when Mulder came into the kitchen. "Smells awfully good in here." He saw that they both had their mouths full of cookie. "Good idea. Don't mind if I do." He grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and joined them. Sarah only managed one in the time it took Mulder to down a half dozen. "Excellent cookies, ladies. Thank you." He turned to Sarah. "I've got a surprise for you. Your Granny Page is coming to visit us for a few days." Scully turned from where she was taking the last pan out of the oven. This was good news. She watched Sarah's face and was encouraged to see how it lighted up at the thought of seeing her Grandmother... but Sarah's joy was short lived. Her eyes went huge with dread and her happy expression shattered. "Is she coming to take me back to Boston?" Mulder stopped chewing. "No, she's just coming to visit." Sarah stood up and backed away a few steps. "She's coming to take me back. You don't want me anymore." Her voice was rising. Her father was thunderstruck. He reached out to pull her close but Sarah darted out into the living room. He went quickly after her. "Sarah. This is your home, here with me. Granny Page is just coming to see you for a visit." "You're hoping that she'll take me back so you don't have to look after me anymore." Scully could hear the fragile edge in the child's high voice. Quickly she set the pan down and followed Mulder into the living room. Sarah was standing, shifting anxiously from one foot to the other, undecided as to what to do next. Mulder knew better than to crowd her. He dropped down to her level. "Sarah. I want to look after you. I enjoy looking after you. You're my little girl and I want you to stay here with me." "You're just saying that. You're lying. Just like Vanessa's father." Her body was starting to shake. "Vanessa was right. You only wanted me when I was good all the time." Scully knew that Mulder was drawing on all his professional skills. He barely flinched. "Tell me what Vanessa said." The words came spurting out; she couldn't hold the fear silent within herself any longer. "She said that you wouldn't keep me for very long. She said that if I was bad you wouldn't want me anymore. The counsellor told Vanessa's father what a bad girl she was, and then he didn't want her anymore." The pinched little face was tragic. "Nobody wanted her." "I still want you, Sarah. I'm sorry about what happened to Vanessa, but I'm not like Vanessa's daddy. Even though you have been bad lately, I still want you to stay with me." "Vanessa said that I wasn't being bad enough. She said if I was really, really bad, you wouldn't want me anymore." Sarah's eyes were darting around the room. "It doesn't matter how bad you are, Sarah. I love you, and I want you to stay with me." His voice was calm and steady, but he wasn't getting through to her. She dashed over to Mulder's desk and began violently sweeping things onto the floor. Papers went flying. A mug half full of old coffee crashed and broke against the wall, sending brown splashes far and wide. "Sarah, stop that." Mulder was on his feet again, moving slowly towards her. "You don't have to do this. Vanessa was wrong." Sarah was sobbing now, blindly grabbing things and throwing them. Stapler, paper clips, computer disks. She moved away from Mulder's reach, over to his music collection. Tears streaming down her face she ejected a CD from the machine and tried to snap it in two. When it wouldn't break, it went flying like a Frisbee and her fists came down together on the little loading tray that took the CD's into the machine. It broke off and fell to the floor. "Sarah!" He was losing his cool. Sarah jumped at the harsh tone of his voice, but it just made her more determined. Before he could stop her she had swept the stack of CD's to the floor. She tried to shove the CD player down on top of them, but Mulder stretched out one long arm and held it on the shelf. Evading his grasp once more, she lunged for a lamp, and with the strength born of desperation, threw it right at Mulder. Unprepared for attack, he didn't get his hand up in time. The lamp hit him in the face, and then smashed down amid the CD's. Father and daughter froze in horror. Mulder's nose was bleeding, the garish liquid in sharp contrast to his pale face. "See, Daddy." She said with eerie calm. "Now you can get rid of me. You can send me to the orphanage and I'll have to eat porridge all the time." With that cryptic pronouncement, she crumpled up on the floor and began to sob uncontrollably. Mulder was finally able to get close to her, and tried to take her in his arms. Scully was still standing, stunned, in the kitchen doorway. The whole rampage had only taken seconds. When Sarah began to scream and flail in Mulder's grasp, all Scully she could think of were the sharp pieces of broken pottery all around them. "Scully! Scully, what's wrong with her?" Mulder was frantic. "Is she having some kind of seizure?" Sarah's back was rigid, her limbs banging against Mulder and the floor as she screamed. "I don't think so, Mulder. She's just lost control." Scully moved in and took hold of Sarah's legs. "Let's move her out of this broken china so that she doesn't cut herself." Scully couldn't believe the strength with which Sarah was kicking. They managed to move her away from the broken lamp. She was still screaming hysterically. Mulder was trying to hold her, but she kept arching her back and twisting away from him, her fists pummeling him, her heels drumming on the floor. There seemed to be blood all over the place, but as far as Scully could tell, it was all coming from Mulder's nose. "What do I do, Scully? What do I do?" Scully knew that the tantrum was self-limiting; Sarah would become exhausted and she would stop. But the look on Mulder's face told her that she couldn't wait for that. He was scared and he was suffering just as much as Sarah was. "Stay with her, Mulder. Try to reassure her." Scully ran into the bathroom and started to run water into the bathtub, adjusting it so that it was very warm. She went back to where Mulder and Sarah were struggling on the floor. "Do you think you can carry her into the bathroom?" He jumped to his feet and then lifted the little girl up into his arms. "Protect her head as we go through the doorway, Scully." They had to shout to make themselves heard over Sarah's din. "Put her down. Let's take her overalls off before we put her in the tub, Mulder." He laid Sarah on the bath mat and held her arms while Scully undid the buckles and worked the overalls off the thrashing limbs. "Okay. Let's get her into the water." Mulder's arms had disappeared from Scully's field of vision. She looked up. He had kicked off his shoes and was stepping out of his jeans. Then he got into the tub and sat down in the water. "Do you think you can pass her to me, Scully?" His arms reached out for the flailing bundle of noise. At first it seemed as if things got worse. Sarah's hysterical screams echoed deafeningly off the tiles of the bathroom and water flew everywhere as Mulder tried to get her down into the warm bath. However, after she took in a couple of mouthfuls of water she started to calm down. Mulder had her sitting between his legs. Scully took a face cloth and washed the water up over her back and shoulders. With each warm wave Sarah seemed to relax a little more. She stopped struggling, but the sobbing was still beyond her control. "See if you can get her blouse off, Mulder. Skin to skin is the most effective." Between them they removed the soggy blouse, and eased her farther down into the water so that she was lying on her side with her head cradled on Mulder's arm. He used his free hand to wash the water over her and to stroke her back in a comforting massage. Now that the noise level had gone down he was talking softly to her. "Sarah, I love you. I would never send you away. You and I are a family and families stick together." Mulder was rocking... not Sarah, but himself. "I want you to stay here with me. It doesn't matter whether you are good or bad. I'll always love you, Sarah, and I'll always look after you." He stroked back the tangled wet hair and Scully wrung out the face cloth so that he could wipe the splashes and tears from her face. Her skin was red and blotchy, and she still heaved convulsively with sobs, but they were getting further and further apart. After a little while she spoke. "Daddy?" He leaned closer to catch the faint words. "Yes, sweetheart?" "Poor Vanessa." "Yes. Poor Vanessa." "Could she come and stay with us sometimes?" "Sure. That would be fine." "She doesn't like porridge." Mulder had no answer for that. "You can tell me all about Vanessa tomorrow." Now Sarah was falling asleep, and the water was getting cool. Scully pulled Mulder's huge bath sheet from the rack. "I'll take her, Mulder." He passed Sarah back up to Scully. She was a far different bundle now, weak and passive. Mulder got out of the tub himself and peeled off his wet shirt, then took Sarah back and cuddled her against his bare chest where she put her arms about his neck and hung on tightly. Scully wrapped the big towel around them both. "Sit on the toilet." She pulled off his wet socks and Sarah's socks and panties, then rinsed the face cloth again and gently cleaned the worst of the blood off Mulder's face. "Couch or Sarah's bed?" she asked softly. "Couch." Scully grabbed another big towel which she laid over the couch before he sat down. Then she got a blanket and spread it over them. "Thanks." He was rocking Sarah now. Scully tucked the blanket securely around them, then went to clean up the mess in the bathroom. "Just what exactly was that, Scully?" He was sitting at the kitchen table in his dressing gown. His long feet were still bare. Scully put a grilled cheese sandwich down in front of him. "Hysteria. She felt that she had lost everything. Her grief and anger were so great that she just couldn't handle them." "Anger?" "She was angry at you for what she perceived as your treachery." He drank some of his tea. "So it was a temper tantrum?" "Yes and no. She wasn't faking... she wasn't trying to manipulate, as many children are trying to do when they throw so called temper tantrums. She had truly lost control over herself, and it was probably just as scary for her as it was for us." "For me, you mean. Dr. Scully seemed to be cool headed through it all." He smiled up at her as she put another sandwich on his plate. "I saw my nephew in the same state once when he was about three." She pushed her limp hair behind her ear as she sat down to her own sandwich. She had changed out of her wet shirt and bra, into a sweat shirt of Mulder's. She felt a little wicked knowing that she was naked under the loose garment... but she didn't expect Mulder to notice. "Children must often feel that they have no control over their own lives, and they lack the skills to communicate their needs. Sometimes there's nothing left to them but impotent rage." "Impotent rage." His voice choked up as he thought of Sarah suffering. "I can't understand why she would believe all that stuff that Vanessa was telling her." "She was emotionally vulnerable, Mulder. She didn't want to believe it, and in her own way she was trying to prove that it wasn't true." Scully pushed the plate of cookies closer to Mulder. "She's a good scientist. She was testing the theory in the real world and gathering empirical evidence." "Yeah. I have a lot more sympathy for the rats now." He got up with a cookie in his hand and went to the kitchen doorway... just to check. Sarah was still sound asleep on the couch. "She'll probably sleep through the night, now, Mulder. She's exhausted. You might want to wake her up just enough to use the toilet, before you go to bed." He was leaning on the doorframe to eat his cookie. His hair had dried in a most unbecoming frazzle, and his nose was swollen and bruised. And she loved him very much. "I'll pick up the broken lamp." "No. You don't have to do that, Scully. You've already done enough cleaning up after us Mulders. I think that Sarah and I should do that together, tomorrow." He turned to look at her. "I'm feeling pretty wiped out myself. You're welcome to stay, but I think I'm going to fall asleep pretty soon. I'll sleep on the couch with Sarah, and you can have her bed." Scully decided to go home. She would not be needed in the morning. Father and daughter would wake up in each other's arms and they would continue the dialogue that would lead to healing. Mulder accompanied her to the door. "I can't thank you enough for being here, Scully. I don't know what to say." They stood facing each other in silence. It was a lie. They both knew what needed to be said. What they both knew to be true, but for some reason couldn't bring themselves to acknowledge. Why was it so difficult to step over that invisible line? To take that chance? To risk their hearts in a bid for a greater happiness? However, tonight was not the right time. Scully sighed inwardly; it never seemed to be the right time. She reached up and stroked his cheek lightly. "Night, Mulder. Call me tomorrow and let me know how she's doing." "Night Scully." As he closed the door he knew that he could have said more. Could have done more. And he would. He would fix things with Scully soon. Soon. He returned to the couch and lay down beside his daughter, his love and concern for her blotting out all other thoughts. Mulder slept fitfully, despite his own exhaustion. Although Scully had said that Sarah would more than likely sleep the whole night through, he had merely dozed, wanting to be immediately alert should she wake in the night and need him. His eyes felt sore and puffy. He had wept silent tears for her pain. Seeing Sarah like that had shocked him to the core, and he hoped he'd never see anything like it again. He found it hard to believe that her little body could contain so much fury and rage, and be so strong. His skin felt tender where she had pummeled at him repeatedly with her tiny fists, and of course, there was his bruised and swollen nose. He touched it gingerly, and thanked his lucky stars that it wasn't broken. Mulder had offered up a silent prayer for Scully's presence. Without her, he didn't know what he would have done. She had remained calm when he had panicked, and he would be eternally grateful to her for that. He had never felt so inadequate. Seeing his daughter in so much distress had distressed him, made him realize how helpless he was to help her. Beside him, Sarah began to stir. He remained still, his arm around her comfortably. He'd hardly let go of her all night. She snuffled a bit, and sighed heavily a couple of times, then buried her face further into his chest. Her hair was spread across his front, and he pulled the blanket up a little more to keep her warm. Mulder's hand moved in slow, careful circles on Sarah's back, massaging her through the warm, flower sprigged nightgown that Scully had put on her before she left the night before. He remained silent, letting her wake up in her own time. She had crept higher on his chest, and her crown now rested beneath his chin. Her hand had stolen up too, and now curled around the back of his neck. He continued the slow massage on her back, alternating it with stroking her hair. "Daddy?" Sarah's voice was very small, sleepy and muffled. "What is it, Sarah?" Mulder's voice was very soft. "I'm sorry I hurt your nose." "I know you are, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head. He had been unsure as to whether she would remember anything from the previous day. There was a long silence, then, "Daddy?" "Yes, Sarah?" "Is Dana coming to see us today?" Mulder thought about that before answering. "Not today, sweetheart. I think it would be nice for us to spend today by ourselves, don't you?" Sarah nodded. Mulder would call Scully later, and let her know how Sarah was. Scully would understand their need to be alone right now. Mulder would do whatever it took to ensure that Sarah knew she was loved, that he would never leave her - he had already decided that he would stay off work the next day so that he could be with her. She needed him right now, and nothing else but that mattered. "I need to go to the bathroom." Sarah's request stirred her father from his reverie. "I'll carry you," said Mulder softly, mindful of the shards of pottery from the broken lamp that still littered the floor. He carried her to the bathroom and then back again. "I'm tired, Daddy." Mulder wasn't surprised by that. "Would you like to go in your bed?" "No." Her little hands clung to his neck. "I want to stay on the couch with you." "Okay." He settled back on the couch, and once again, Sarah burrowed in against him. Mulder drew the blanket up over them, and resumed his slow massage on her back. He felt Sarah relax, and saw her eyelids droop. "Daddy?" Her voice was very sleepy. "Yes?" "I love you." "I love you too, Sarah." He loved her so very, very much. Sarah would be fine, in time; they would both be fine, their loving bond stronger than ever. Certain that Sarah was once again asleep, Mulder reached out and picked up his cell phone. It was ringing before he thought to check his watch. Oh-oh. Only seven on a Sunday morning. "Hello?" "Did I wake you, Scully?" "That's okay, Mulder. Is Sarah all right?" "Yeah. She woke up and we had a brief conversation, and now she's gone back to sleep. "You guys still on the couch?" "Uh-huh. Don't know why I bothered wasting my money on a bed for her. Must be genetic." "It's a particularly comfortable couch. I've slept on it myself, once or twice." "You're welcome to join us." "No thanks. Three's a crowd." Mulder stroked Sarah's hair. "Why don't people sleep all together in one big bed, Scully? It feels so nice to have someone warm to cuddle. Why is it that only sexual partners get to sleep together?" "There are many cultures in which the various family members all sleep together, Mulder. They tend to be the poorer countries. The more bedrooms your house has, the wealthier and more powerful you are perceived to be, and as we live in an affluent society, private bedrooms have come to be the norm... and are now even viewed as being a necessity. We feel sorry for poor people sleeping four to a bed, but actually they may be enjoying better mental health because of it." "So you don't think it's a little suspect... a little perverted... that Sarah and I spend so much time sleeping together?" "Not at all. We're primates, Mulder. We're genetically disposed to sleeping together, especially with our young. You know, a lot of teen pregnancies are the result of unhappy children just wanting to cuddle up to someone. It's a sad comment on our culture." "And speaking of sex... how do parents with young kids get any privacy?" "My sister-in-law says you have to be creative, flexible and opportunistic." "Would that be flexible in the mental sense, or in the physical sense, Scully?" "I didn't ask, Mulder." "Sounds like an interesting challenge. Must try that... some day." "Your recent experiences with Sarah haven't turned you off kids altogether, then." "No. Quite the opposite. It's one of the most exciting and rewarding things I've ever done." He kissed the top of Sarah's head. "You should try it, Scully." "I hope to... some day." Soft silence. "Well, I'll let you get back to sleep." "Bye, Mulder." The End
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