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Title: Sarah 04: No More Secrets Summary: Scully goes to dinner with Mulder and his daughter, and Mulder makes an important decision. Dana Scully rapped on the door of number 42. From the inside of the apartment, she could hear the sound of a child squealing and shrieking with joy. A deeper, full bodied sound accompanied it, and she realized that it came from Mulder. She had never heard him laughing like that before. She listened intently, enjoying the rich, uninhibited sound that issued from him. Scully would have been surprised to see her partner careering round the floor on all fours, snorting and neighing, his daughter clinging to his back for dear life. "Faster, faster!" cried Sarah with delight. Mulder threw his head back and neighed - he was getting tired, and that was in addition to the hammering his hands and knees were taking. So it was with relief that he got up to answer the loud knocking at the door. Scully was just about to knock a third time, when two flushed and happy faces appeared at the door. As usual, Sarah moved closer to her father. It had been three weeks since he had dropped the bombshell of Sarah's existence, and she was still a little wary of anyone other than her father. Mulder's hand caressed Sarah's long tresses in reassurance. "It's okay - it's only Dana," he said tenderly. Scully stepped through the door, and he closed it behind her. "Sorry, Scully - we didn't hear you. We were playing horsy." She cocked an eyebrow at him - now that was something she'd like to see. "There's no need to explain, Mulder," said Scully, noting his somewhat sheepish expression. "What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business." He didn't quite know how to take that, until he saw the smile spread across her face. Scully turned her attention to the child. "And how are you, Sarah?" she asked gently. "I'm very well, thank you," replied the young girl, and Scully had to stifle a smile. She'd never met a child with such exquisite manners. "I'm glad to hear it," answered Scully. She glanced up at Mulder, who was looking tired again. "We had a bad night last night," said Mulder softly, in answer to her questioning look. "Sarah had a nightmare. It's getting better, slowly." Mulder certainly seemed more like his old self, Scully reflected, now that he no longer carried the secret of Sarah's existence. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. What with one thing and another, they hadn't really found the time to talk over this new situation and that was precisely why Mulder had invited Scully over for dinner. "Nothing fancy, mind!" he'd warned her. "Mulder, knowing your skill in the kitchen, I wouldn't expect anything fancy," had been Scully's reply. Mulder was relieved that after her initial reaction, Scully had taken Sarah to her heart. He knew it had been wrong of him to present her with a fait accompli, but at the time he hadn't seen any other way of breaking the news. It wasn't something that you could drop into everyday conversation. "Oh, by the way Scully - did I tell you that I have a six-year-old daughter?" Mulder shuddered even as he thought of it. He knew he was asking a lot of Scully - there was no reason for her to love another woman's child - but it was important that she love Sarah as he did. If they were to have any future together, then it had to include his daughter. "Well, I'd better make a start on dinner," he said. "Can I help, Daddy?" asked Sarah. She loved to help where she could. "Not at the moment, sweetheart. Why don't you look after Dana for me, then later you can help me weigh the pasta." Sarah looked up at him, her bottom lip quivering just a little. She wasn't too sure about being on her own with Scully. Mulder hunkered down until he was at eye level with her, taking her small hands in his. "It's okay, Sarah - Dana's our friend. I know she'd like to get to know you a little better, so why don't you sit with her for a while? You could show her some of your drawings, and I'll only be out here. That's not too far away, now, is it?" He kept his tone soft as he addressed her. "Everything okay, Mulder?" asked Scully. He looked up at her. "Sarah's a little nervous - maybe you could read to her," said Mulder. "Would you like Dana to read to you?" He looked back to Sarah for an answer. "Yes please," replied the child in a small voice. Scully smiled, and put out her hand. "Let's go and find a book, shall we?" Sarah nodded, and slipped her hand into Scully's. Mulder watched them go with an expression of relief on his face. Ten minutes later, he peeked around the kitchen door and saw Sarah sitting beside Scully, who was reading "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." Mulder gave a smile of satisfaction and returned to his pots and pans. It seemed like Mulder had taken a crash course in cookery - his Spaghetti Bolognaise was delicious. He served it with a green salad and garlic bread, with a bowl of freshly grated Parmesan to sprinkle over the pasta. "Mulder - I'm impressed!" declared Scully. "You can invite me over more often if you're going to cook like this!" To her astonishment, he blushed, then quickly turned his attention to Sarah, who was struggling with the pasta. "Shall I cut that up for you?" he asked, and she nodded. She hadn't quite mastered the technique of twirling her fork in the long strands of spaghetti. "I'll do it," volunteered Scully, reaching over and executing the task easily. "Thanks Scully," smiled Mulder. Scully was gratified to see that Sarah had an appetite every bit as hearty as her father's. She cleared her plate, managing two slices of garlic bread and a little salad in addition. Scully was also relieved to find that Mulder was feeding the child properly, with decent, fresh food, and not subjecting her to the diet of junk that he had seemed to exist on. She liked to think that maybe having the responsibility for Sarah had caused him to rethink his approach to diet and eating - if that was the case, then it was a good thing. "Are you ready for dessert?" he asked. Two smiling faces looked back at him, both nodding. "Good. Sarah? Can you help me to clear the table?" He carried the plates while she followed with the salt and pepper, then she ran back to fetch the small bowl that had contained the Parmesan. The next time she returned, she brought spoons with her. Mulder followed, carrying a medium sized dish which he placed on the table. "Tiramisu," he announced. Scully's eyes lit up. "My favorite!" she cried in delight. "You aren't going to tell me that you made this, Mulder!" "Sorry to disappoint you, but I bought it at the deli. I'm afraid that this is too complicated for me to attempt!" "You know there's alcohol in this, Mulder - do you think you should be giving it to Sarah?" Scully pointed out. "A little bit won't hurt her," he replied. "And it's not really that strong." Scully sat back in her chair. "Mulder - that was delicious," she declared. "Thank you," he replied. "Coffee?" Scully nodded and started to gather up the dessert dishes, but Mulder stopped her. "That's alright, Scully. I'll finish clearing up. You and Sarah go and sit down." A while later, Mulder joined Scully in the living room. They drank their coffee, watching Sarah play with one of her dolls. After a while, she looked up. "Daddy? Can I do some drawing?" "Sure," answered Mulder. He got up and retrieved an artist's sketch pad from his desk, together with a large pot of colored pencils. "Do you want to sit here or lie on the floor?" "The desk," replied Sarah, hoisting herself up onto the chair. Satisfied that his daughter had everything she needed, Mulder returned to sit with Scully. "She'll sit there for ages drawing," he said softly, and as they talked, Scully watched as Sarah sat there, a study in concentration. Her jaw was set in that familiar Mulder way, the tip of her tongue just visible between her full rosy lips. She had inherited Mulder's facial bone structure, with those finely chiseled cheek bones. Sarah would be a real heartbreaker when she was older. Sarah slipped off the chair and approached her father. "Daddy, I drew this for you." She handed him a picture of a colorful rainbow. "You can put it on your wall at work," she suggested. "Of course I will. It's lovely, Sarah. Thank you." He smiled and kissed her cheek. "Now, I think it's time you got ready for bed. You pack away your things and I'll run your bath." "Is there anything I can do?" asked Scully. Although it was fascinating to watch Mulder playing parent, she was anxious to help too. He thought for a moment, debating whether to suggest what he was about to suggest. "Would you like to bathe Sarah?" Scully hesitated. "I don't know, Mulder - will she let me?" Scully looked doubtful. "I don't want to force her into anything she's not ready for." "Maybe you're right," agreed Mulder. With Sarah safely tucked up in bed asleep, Mulder turned to Scully. "Thanks for coming over, Scully," he said warmly. "This is really important to me." "I was glad to," replied Scully, squeezing his hand. "You know, I can't believe how well behaved Sarah is with you for a father!" She gave him a cheeky smile. "Ooh, Scully - that was below the belt!" he replied, grinning. "That's all down to her mother - she was very hot on Sarah being well behaved and having good manners. Probably just as well I didn't have much influence in her formative years." He said it as a joke, but there was an underlying hint of regret in his tone. Scully felt a surge of sorrow for him having missed all of Sarah's most important landmarks - her first word, her first step, her first tooth, her first day at school. Hopefully, there would be more firsts for him to experience in the future. "Daddy!" The anguished cry interrupted their conversation. Mulder let out a small sigh. "Excuse me," he said, pushing himself up off the couch. He found Sarah sobbing pitifully. Mulder gathered her into his arms, whispering soothingly, caressing her hair. He didn't ask her what had frightened her, feeling it best not to dwell on anything bad. After a while, she settled back against the pillow. "Will you sing to me, Daddy?" she asked in a small voice. "Sure," he replied softly, straightening her Pocahontas pajama top and pulling the covers up to her chin. Scully could hear singing coming from the bedroom. She got up and crossed the room, fascinated, and watched from the doorway as Mulder sang softly to Sarah in an effort to get her to sleep. Scully was suddenly engulfed by a hot wave of shame as her initial reaction to the revelation that Mulder had a child came back to haunt her. How could she possibly have viewed Sarah as a rival for Mulder's affections? Mulder's relationship with Sarah had existed long before Scully knew him, and it was with startling clarity that Scully realized that it was she who was the interloper here, not the child. She had read the unspoken pleas in his eyes that night: She's an innocent child. I love her. She is part of me. I need you to accept her. How could she not love someone that he loved, someone that was part of him? Satisfied that Sarah was again sleeping, Mulder rose slowly and backed out of the room, never taking his eyes from his precious daughter. It tore at his heart to see her so upset, but there was nothing he could do to stop the bad dreams. He would give anything to be able to shield her from life's unpleasantness, but he couldn't. He turned, seeing Scully out of the corner of his eye. "Scully," he whispered. "You okay?" He thought she looked a little teary eyed. "I'm fine, Mulder," replied Scully, turning away swiftly. Seeing him there, with Sarah, had touched something in her. It was a revelation to see him act with such infinite tenderness and patience. "I'll go make some coffee, and then we can talk." With that, Mulder headed for the kitchen. He came through from the kitchen carrying two coffees. There was no sign of Scully. Mulder placed the mugs on the coffee table, spotting her purse tucked down the side of the chair. He breathed a sigh of relief - at least she hadn't run out on him. "Scully? You there?" he said aloud. "In here," came the soft reply. He followed the direction of her voice and found her in the bedroom, sitting by the bed and just watching Sarah sleep. Scully picked up a strand of Sarah's soft, silken hair, sampling the texture between her fingers. "She's beautiful, Mulder," said Scully softly. "Why did you keep her a secret?" "I told you, Scully - it wasn't intentional. I guess I never found the right moment or the right words to tell you." It all made perfect sense to Scully now. The last time they were in Boston, on a case that stretched over a weekend, he had disappeared early on the Saturday morning, returning late in the evening. He'd told Scully that he'd had some business to attend to - she couldn't imagine what business he might have in Boston, but didn't press him. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to share it with her - that had been apparent from his manner. Now she understood his reluctance to confide in her - he had been to visit his daughter. She watched as Mulder caressed Sarah's face lovingly while she slept. "When I first brought her home, I didn't sleep much for the first week or so - I was too busy listening out to make sure that she was still breathing!" Scully gave a low chuckle. "Been there, done that," she replied. "When my nephews and nieces were small and they stayed over, I used to lie awake listening out for their breathing, and every so often I'd get up and give them a gentle prod to make sure that they were still alive! I'd usually fall asleep around five in the morning - just as the little horrors were waking up all bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to play!" They laughed softly together over their shared experience. Out of the corner of her eye, Scully spotted a framed photograph on the nightstand. How she had missed it she didn't know. She reached out and picked it up, studying it. "Is this Annie?" she asked softly, and Mulder nodded. A smiling, dark haired woman looked back at her, and it was easy to see why he had been attracted to her. "What was she like?" Mulder's face softened into a smile. "Tall, slim, elegant, highly intelligent and very opinionated. We had some fiery arguments - a bit like those that you and I have, Scully." "So what happened?" asked Scully. "Our lifestyles were totally incompatible. When the novelty wore off, we drifted apart naturally. No hard feelings. Then I got a call from her asking me to go to Boston. That was when she told me she was pregnant. We had always been careful, but just that once not careful enough, I guess." Mulder took the photo from Scully and looked at Annie with affection. "She was five years older than I was. She decided to have the baby and raise it herself, but she expected nothing from me. I had no say over Sarah's upbringing, but I could visit her whenever I wanted. Annie didn't cut me out. She made sure that Sarah knew that I was her birth father." He replaced the photo on the nightstand. "It was an arrangement that worked well for all three of us... until Annie got sick." Scully knew perfectly well that the photograph was there for Sarah, but she still felt a pang of jealousy that he should have a picture of Annie in the house. Mulder caught the look on her face. "I don't want her to forget her mother, and it comforts her, Scully." Scully looked up, her cheeks burning with shame and embarrassment. "I understand, Mulder," she replied. Scully turned her attention back to the child, seeing her shift position, and a brief frown cross her slumbering features. "Were you there when she was born?" she asked. "No," replied Mulder, and Scully caught the fleeting look of regret that crossed his face in the half light. "Annie didn't want me there. Sarah was a few hours old when I first saw her." His face took on a soft wistfulness. "She was all pink and wrinkled, and so tiny, but she was beautiful - at least she was to me. Nothing in my life had prepared me for the way I felt the first time I saw her and held her - I can't describe it, Scully. The rush of feelings and emotions... you just can't put it into words. I know one thing, next time I'm going to be there - if there is a next time." He cast a meaningful glance in Scully's direction which she couldn't fail to miss. Scully stood up. "Come on, Mulder - we'd better drink that coffee while it's still warm." They sat in silence, Scully thinking about Mulder's description of the first time he saw his daughter. For a man who usually had something to say about everything, it was a surprise to find him so lost for words. The sight of a newborn child, your own flesh and blood, usually had a profound effect on a parent and Mulder's reaction had not been an exception to that rule. Scully reached out and took his hand. She would give anything to experience that emotional high with him. She turned her thoughts away from that issue and tried to concentrate on something else. She had a sudden vision of Mulder in new father mode. Scully tried, unsuccessfully, to hide a smile. "What?" asked Mulder. "Somehow I can't picture you changing diapers and pushing a stroller," she said. "I'll have you know I did my fair share," he replied haughtily. Scully allowed the laughter to escape, seeing Mulder's nose wrinkle with distaste. "What was that for?" she asked. "Let's just say that diaper changing is one of the less savory aspects of being a parent," he replied. Scully followed that with a full bodied gale of laughter. The comfortable silence returned, both of them with their own thoughts. Something suddenly occurred to Scully. "Mulder - does your mother know about Sarah?" He turned to her - an odd expression on his face. "What do you think, Scully? I had enough trouble telling you. How do I tell my mother that she has a granddaughter? She'll never forgive me for keeping that from her." "She has a right to know, Mulder," said Scully. "Just as Sarah has a right to know that she has another grandmother. How do you think Sarah will feel if she finds out later that you never told her about your mother?" "Scully, I can't." Scully took his hands in hers. "Yes you can, Mulder. We'll do it together. If she's anything like my mother, she'll be thrilled to have a grandchild at last." "You don't have to fight my battles, Scully." "I want to do it, Mulder. I want to do it for you, and I want to do it for Sarah. I want to share in the good and the bad times." Mulder smiled. With this woman's support, there was nothing he couldn't take on. His mother was just another battle, one among many that he had fought, but this time the battle would be fought on his terms and at a time of his choosing, with Scully by his side. They were in this together. A couple of weeks later, they were sitting in the office when Mulder said, "Scully - how do you feel about going up to Greenwich this weekend?" Scully looked across at him. He was turning a pencil round and round in his fingers. "You're going to tell your mother about Sarah?" she asked. Mulder nodded. The matter had being weighing heavily on his mind since Scully had raised it. "I think it's better that I tell her sooner rather than later, don't you?" Mulder took a deep breath. "The only thing that worries me is how she'll take it - she's still recovering from that stroke and I don't want to do anything that might upset her enough to bring on a relapse." Scully rose out of her seat and perched herself on the edge of his desk. "Your mother is a lot stronger than you think, Mulder," she said softly. "And for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing." Mulder still had that doubtful expression on his face. "I hope you're right, Scully," he sighed. Scully knew that he had been brooding about something, and she knew that he would tell her about it when he was ready, so she hadn't pressed him. He had to be left to work these things out in his own way. "Can I make a suggestion, Mulder?" He looked up. "Always, Scully." "I think it would be best if you prepared Sarah before we go up there." "I was thinking about that, too," he replied. "Knowing how she is with strangers... I'm not quite sure as to how to approach it." "We'll think of something, don't worry," smiled Scully, squeezing his arm. "Shall I make the call, then?" Scully nodded. "Make the call. I'll take myself off..." Mulder put his hand on her arm. "No, I want you to stay. This involves you too." The phone call took no more than five minutes. Scully could only hear Mulder's end of the conversation. Several times she'd seen a fleeting look of exasperation cross his face and once he'd closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well?" asked Scully when he replaced the receiver. "All set," he sighed. "I'll book flights and a hotel." It was too far to drive up for just the weekend, and Mulder didn't think it wise to stay with his mother just in case things didn't work out. Apart from that, her house only had two bedrooms, although at a pinch Mulder could sleep on the couch. Mulder had to choose the right moment to bring the subject up with Sarah, so he waited until they had finished their dinner that night. He had invited Scully to join him for moral support. She made herself scarce in the kitchen, making coffee, while Mulder tackled Sarah. "I thought we'd go away this weekend," he began. "Would you like that?" Sarah gave him a smile, her eyes lighting up. "Where are we going?" "Greenwich, Connecticut," replied her father. "Where's that?" asked Sarah. "Well, let's have a look at the map, shall we?" Mulder reached behind him and lifted a Rand McNally Road Atlas of America onto the table. He opened it at the appropriate page. "Here's Washington, where we are now, and there's Boston - where you were born and where you lived with Mommy. Greenwich is right here." Sarah followed his finger as it travelled down the page. Greenwich looked very small compared to Boston and Washington. "How do we get there?" asked Sarah. "We're going to fly, then pick up a car at the airport," replied Mulder. "Is Dana coming?" Sarah turned towards the kitchen. Mulder nodded. "I asked Dana to come along, too. I thought it would be nice for all of us to go together." "Is it like a holiday?" asked Sarah. Mulder smiled. "Sort of. There's someone in Greenwich I would like you to meet." Sarah's face immediately took on that pinched and anxious appearance that he had come to know so well. Mulder sighed - maybe it was too soon to be doing this. Sarah had had enough to cope with without this on top of it. He suddenly felt Scully's reassuring touch on his shoulder. She had come out of the kitchen without either of them noticing. Maybe it would be easier if they continued this away from the table. Mulder rose. "Let's go sit on the couch," he said. Sarah followed him, settling close beside him. He put his arm around her protectively. "That's better," he said warmly. She snuggled up against him, letting him caress her arm and brush his lips gently against her hair, his eyes closed. All the while, Scully watched from her vantage point in the doorway. She would have given anything to have that fragrant little body curled up against hers. After a few moments, Mulder brought up the subject again, but from a different angle this time. "Sarah? You know you have a Granny in Boston?" The child nodded, her thumb in her mouth. "Well, you also have a Granny in Greenwich, and that's who we're going to visit at the weekend." "Is she old?" asked Sarah. "Granny Page is old. She can't see very well." Mulder chuckled softly. "Not so old," he replied. "I miss Granny Page," said Sarah wistfully. "I know you do, sweetheart - maybe we'll go and see her after Christmas." "What's my other Granny's name? What does she look like?" "Well, she has white hair and blue eyes, and I guess you should call her Granny Mulder." He turned to seek reassurance from Scully, who merely nodded. For someone who had been nervous about this whole subject, he was doing rather well. Sarah appeared to be digesting that information, then she turned her face up towards her father. "Is Granny Mulder your Mommy?" she asked him. Mulder smiled at her and kissed the top of her head. "That's right," he replied softly. He waited for a moment, then said, "So, do you think you'd like to meet Granny Mulder?" "Okay," replied the little girl. Mulder let out a sigh of relief. He only hoped that his mother would be pleased to meet her granddaughter. By the time the weekend arrived, Sarah was quite looking forward to meeting her new Granny. The whole trip, for her at least, had taken on the air of an adventure. For her father, it was more like an ordeal to be undertaken with great reluctance. Mulder leaned over and fastened Sarah's safety belt. He had let her sit by the window, taking the middle seat and letting Scully take the aisle. He looked distinctly uncomfortable with his tall frame sandwiched between the two smaller females. Scully threw a glance in his direction, seeing the frown on his brow and the working of his jaw. She took his hand in hers. "Mulder, everything will be fine," she said softly. "I wish I shared your optimism," he replied, turning to look at her. "We're moving, Daddy!" Sarah's excited voice precluded any further discussion. She strained to see out of the small window as the plane took off. The flight wasn't a very long one, and as they only had carry on baggage, they headed straight for the car rental office. Half an hour later, Mulder pulled up outside their small hotel. He and Sarah checked into one room, while Scully checked into the other. "When are we going to see Granny?" asked Sarah. "Later," replied her father. "I have to go out first for a little while. Dana will look after you while I'm gone." "Where are you going?" The pinched expression returned. "I have some things to do before we go to see Granny," answered her father. It was half true - he and Scully had decided that it would be best if he went to the house alone first off, to prepare the way. All he had told his mother during the course of the phone call of a few days ago was that he was bringing someone with him that she should meet. "I'll try not to be too long, then we can all go to Granny's together. I think we'll buy her some flowers as a little present, and you can help me choose them." Having left Sarah drawing happily in Scully's hotel room, Mulder pulled up outside his mother's home. He took a moment to compose himself, took a deep breath then got out of the car. Before he knew it, he was knocking on the front door. "Fox!" Teena Mulder was pleased to see her son. "Hi Mom," he replied, smiling. She certainly looked better than the last time he had seen her. They held one another in a warm embrace, then she closed the door behind him. She was surprised to see that he was alone. "I thought you had someone you wanted me to meet," she said. "I do, but there's something I need to tell you first." "Fox, you're not in trouble, are you?" His mother's tone was anxious. He smiled at her. "No, I'm not in trouble." Teena Mulder was relieved to hear it. "Well, what is it then?" Mulder took her arm and ushered her into the living room. "Sit down, Mom," he said gently. Now that the moment of truth had arrived, Mulder didn't know where to begin. He had rehearsed his speech over and over, but now the words failed him. He shook his head, disgusted at his own cowardice. "I had this all worked out," he said, "but I don't know if I can do this." He felt like he was twelve years old again. "Just take your time, Fox," said his mother softly. "I know it must be something important to bring you all the way up here." Was she having a gentle dig at him? A dig for not coming to visit more often? After her stroke, he had promised himself that he would visit more, but then Annie had died and he'd found himself with a new set of priorities. Sarah needed him more than his mother did. Mulder ran a hand through his hair. It was now or never. "Mom, I should have told you this a long time ago. Please don't be angry with me when I tell you what I have to tell you." He licked his dry lips, while his mother looked on expectantly. "I... I have a child, Mom. A little girl. Her name's Sarah and she's six years old." He held his breath, dreading his mother's reaction. Teena Mulder sat there, her face drained of what little color it had. He wished she would say something - anything. Anything to relieve the awful silence that had fallen on the room. Finally, Teena Mulder found her voice. "A child?" she whispered. "You have a child? Why didn't you tell me? How could you keep that from me?" Mulder bit back a stinging retort, thinking of all the things she'd kept from him over the years. Now wasn't the time for those recriminations. "I don't know, Mom. It just happened," he replied. "Why tell me now?" "Because she lives with me now. Her mother died recently and she wanted me to have custody of our daughter." "How do you know she's your child?" asked Teena. "Mom, you only have to see her to know that she's mine," said Mulder softly. "Where is she now?" "Back at the hotel. Scully's looking after her." Teena Mulder regarded her son - the son she didn't know at all. She knew nothing of his life, but to hear that he had a six-year-old child - that hurt. It hurt that he hadn't felt able to tell her before now, but then she could hardly blame him. She hadn't been the best mother anyone ever had. "Mom?" Mulder's tone was soft, enquiring, and he was crouched down before her, holding her hands in his. She drew her attention back to him. "Yes?" "Can I bring Sarah to meet you? She's been looking forward to coming here all week." Teena Mulder's eyes met those of her son, and his eyes said, Please say "yes." This is important to me. She needs you. "Mom? I've never asked you for anything, but I'm asking you now..." "It's alright, Fox... You can bring her to the house," replied Teena. Mulder smiled. "Thanks, Mom. I'll go fetch her." He leant down and kissed her cheek, then he was gone. "How did it go?" asked Scully, when he returned to the hotel. Mulder sighed. "Better than I'd hoped," he replied. "She's agreed to meet Sarah." "But? I sense a "but" here, Mulder," said Scully. Mulder shrugged. "I don't know, Scully... I can't put my finger on it. I expected... Well, I don't know what I expected." "More of a fight, perhaps?" suggested Scully. Mulder shrugged again. "Perhaps," he mused. "I was expecting her to be a lot angrier than she was. She seemed to take it rather calmly. A bit too calmly, if you ask me." "Don't forget, Mulder, she's still recovering from that stroke." "Yeah, and maybe nothing I do surprises her anymore." He glanced at his watch and sighed. "Well, I guess we'd better get this show on the road." Sarah was really excited. On the way over she amused her father and Scully by asking, "Are we there yet?" every few moments. When Mulder pulled up outside his mother's home for the second time that afternoon, Sarah suddenly fell silent. He and Scully got out of the car, and as Scully assisted Sarah, Mulder retrieved the flowers from the back seat. They paused at the garden gate, and Scully took Mulder's hand in hers, squeezing it reassuringly. He rewarded her with a nervous smile. "Are you ready?" asked Mulder softly, looking down at his daughter. He could barely see her behind the enormous bouquet of flowers that she had chosen for her new Granny. Sarah looked up and nodded. Mulder took a deep breath. "Right - let's do it." At the sound of the key in the door, Teena Mulder rose and went out into the hall. Mulder came in first, followed by Sarah, who was completely obscured by her father and the flowers, and Scully brought up the rear. Mother and son faced one another. Mulder swallowed, stepped aside and said, "Mom, I want you to meet my daughter, Sarah." He'd maneuvered Sarah so that he stood behind her, his hands resting lightly on her shoulders. Mulder leaned down and said, " Sweetheart, say hello to your Granny." Sarah stepped forward. "Hello - these are for you." She held out the bouquet of flowers to Teena. The older woman reached out and took the proffered gift without saying a word. The child, Fox's child... the way she looked, the way she spoke, the clothes she wore... it was like looking at a ghost. Teena Mulder opened her mouth and whispered one word - "Samantha." The flowers slipped from her grasp as she swayed and reached out blindly. Mulder darted forward to catch his mother before she fainted and hurt herself. When she looked up at him, her blue eyes were blazing. "How dare you bring her here! How dare you bring that child into my home!" she hissed at him. "Mom, I think you need to sit down," said Mulder, leading her into the living room. "How could you do that to me?" she cried. "Don't touch me!" She tore herself out of his grasp. Out in the hall, Sarah was confused and upset. She turned to Scully. "Dana, is Granny angry with me? Why is she shouting at Daddy?" "I don't know, sweetheart," replied Scully. "But she's not angry with you." "Is she angry with Daddy? Why does she keep shouting at him?" Scully was at a loss to explain the older woman's behavior, but she did know one thing - this wasn't the place for Sarah at this precise moment. "Sarah, I think it would be better if I took you back to the hotel. Just wait there while I tell your Daddy." Scully went and stood in the doorway to the living room and attracted Mulder's attention. "Mulder, I'm taking Sarah back to the hotel. I don't think she should be subjected to this." Mulder nodded, and tossed her the car keys, his face grim. Satisfied that Scully and Sarah had departed, Mulder turned on his mother. "What do you think you were doing?" he yelled. "You said you wanted to meet her - what sort of a greeting was that? Sarah's been looking forward to this all week... How could you do that to her? She's just a child, for God's sake!" Mulder's face was almost incandescent with rage. "Do you know what it took for me to come here and tell you about her? DO YOU?" Teena Mulder recoiled from her son's angry words. She'd never seen him like this. "How do you think I feel, knowing that you kept this a secret from me?" she yelled back. "You turn up and expect me to welcome her with open arms, a child I know nothing about, a child I didn't even know existed until this afternoon!" "What is there to know about her? She's my daughter and I love her - surely that's enough?" He studied his mother's face. Suddenly she looked tired and old. Maybe he was being too hard on her - as with Scully, perhaps it had been unrealistic of him to expect her to take to Sarah right away. "Mom, if you took the time to get to know Sarah..." Teena Mulder was shaking her head. "No. I don't want to see her, and you are not to bring her to the house. Do you understand me?" Mulder didn't understand at all. "Why? Why won't you see her? Because she reminds you of Samantha?" "Fox... please. This is too painful. She's so like Samantha... Every time I looked at her I would be reminded of your sister. I couldn't bear..." "Painful? This is painful for you?" he yelled. "How do you think I feel? Don't you think it's painful for me to have my own mother reject my child? I can understand you being angry with me, and I deserve it - I should have told you about her years ago. But what I won't have is you projecting your anger at me onto Sarah. It's the same old story, Mom - can't you see that? It's what you did to me after Sam was taken. Well, I won't have you do it to Sarah - you are not going to treat her in the way you treated me. She's my daughter, Mom - mine, and I won't let you hurt her. What she needs is your love and acceptance, not your anger and hatred." Mulder took a moment to compose himself. He was still brimming with anger at his mother. His outburst had left her reeling, and she could see that he hadn't yet finished. "I brought Sarah here because she has the right to know that you're her grandmother, and you have the right to know that you have a granddaughter," he said stiffly. "I thought that, in time, you might come to love her, but I don't think you're capable of that, are you? I want to raise Sarah to be happy and secure, and to know that she's loved. I wanted you to be a part of that. You have a valuable role to play in her life, can't you see that?" Mulder paused momentarily. "You said she reminds you of Sam, but there's a difference - Sarah's in the here and now, she's vibrant, she's alive and she needs you." "How can you dismiss your sister so readily?" asked Teena bitterly. "You speak as if you believe her to be dead." "I don't believe that for one minute, you know that. I'll go on looking for Sam until I find her, but right now my priority is Sarah and her happiness. Mom, reject my daughter and you reject me - it's your choice. Sarah's part of me, she's part of my life now. We come as a package - you don't get one without the other. If it's what you want then we'll go back to Washington and you'll not see either of us again." Mulder paused again. "Now I think I'd better go before I say anything else." Teena Mulder regarded the son that was about to walk out of her door, possibly forever. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked plaintively. "Well, I don't know, Mom," retorted Mulder bitterly. "Maybe because of all the things you kept from me over the years." They looked at one another, but no reply was forthcoming from Teena. Mulder sighed, and headed for the door. "If you want me, you'll find me at the Valley Inn. I'll be there until noon tomorrow." With that, Mulder let himself out of the house. Scully saw the cab deposit Mulder outside the hotel lobby. He strode purposefully to his room, opened the door, then slammed it shut. "Is that Daddy?" asked Sarah eagerly, getting up to join Scully at the window. "Yes," replied Scully, looking concerned. "Just wait here, Sarah - I won't be a moment." Scully knocked softly on Mulder's door. "Mulder, it's me." "Come in, Scully - it's not locked." Scully went in, and found Mulder sitting on the end of his bed, red eyed. "She doesn't want to know, Scully. Her own grandchild, and she doesn't want to know." Scully could hear the bitterness in his tone. In Mulder's eyes, his mother had made the ultimate rejection. He wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. "Is Sarah okay?" he asked. Scully nodded. "Shall I get her?" "Just give me a minute, Scully - I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want to upset her any more than she's been upset already." "Okay. I should get back to her anyway." Scully went back to her room. As she came through the door, Sarah cried, "Daddy!" but was disappointed not to see her father. "Where's Daddy?" she asked, her smooth brow furrowing in confusion. "You can see him in a minute, Sarah," replied Scully gently. "He's a little upset just now." "I want to see him now!" said the little girl, heading for the door. "Sarah, wait!" Scully managed to catch her wrist as she reached the door, but she couldn't stop her from opening it to see her father still sitting on the bed, his head in his hands. "Why is Daddy crying?" asked Sarah tremulously, then she tore herself from Scully's grasp and ran to her father. "Daddy, why are you crying? Please don't cry!" "Oh, Sarah!" whispered Mulder, burying his face in her soft hair. His arms closed around her and he held her tight. She was the most precious thing in the world to him. Scully waited until Sarah was asleep before asking Mulder what had happened after she and the child had taken their leave. "It was awful, Scully," said Mulder, his voice full of despair. "I said some terrible things..." "Everyone says things they don't mean in the heat of the moment," replied Scully softly. She sat beside him on the other bed and stroked his back comfortingly. "No - I meant what I said, Scully - every word of it." Years of denying her feelings had taken their toll on Teena Mulder. How could she deny a small child the love of her grandmother? Fox loved his child with a passion, the same way she had loved him and Samantha once. The way she still did. Her son had been ferocious in his defense and protection of his daughter, the way she should have been after Samantha disappeared, and that shamed her. She couldn't let Fox walk out of her life - despite the difficult relationship they shared, he was still her son - a son she loved very much. Through Sarah, she would have the chance to make amends for the wrongs that had been done to Fox over the years. Sarah would bring joy to a life that had been devoid of that precious commodity for a long time. The choice was hers, as Fox had so painfully pointed out. The next day The three unhappy people sitting down to breakfast at the Valley Inn hadn't had a very good night's sleep. The atmosphere was very subdued. Mulder was having second thoughts about his mother. "I should try one last time, Scully," he said, rising from the table. "No." Scully put a hand on his arm. "Let her come to you. You've done everything you can. The ball's in her court now." "Are we going to see Granny today?" asked Sarah. Mulder smiled down at her sadly. "I don't think so, sweetheart - not unless Granny comes here to see us." Sarah shrugged and got on with her cereal. "Do you think she'll come, Mulder?" asked Scully. "Who knows?" shrugged Mulder. "I gave up trying to understand how my mother's mind works years ago." Teena Mulder hadn't had a good night's sleep either. She absently stirred her coffee, going over and over what Mulder had said to her the day before. "We come as a package - you don't get one without the other. Sarah's part of me - she's part of my life now." Teena drank down the rest of the now cold coffee and rose determinedly from the table. It was time to make peace with her son. Teena knocked lightly on the door to Mulder and Sarah's room. Mulder left Scully and Sarah sitting on the bed, where they were looking at a picture book, and answered the door. "Mom!" he said in soft surprise. "Can I come in?" asked Teena. Mulder glanced back quickly at Sarah, who was just visible through the door. "It's alright, Fox - I haven't come to cause a scene." With that, he stood aside to let her in. "Scully, would you take Sarah into your room?" "Sure," replied Scully, who had been just as surprised to see Mrs. Mulder on the doorstep. Sarah was more than happy to go with her, giving her grandmother a wide berth. Mulder closed the door behind them, then faced his mother. "You look awful, Fox - I take it you didn't sleep well either." "I doubt if any of us did," he replied. "How is Sarah?" asked Teena. Mulder gave her a look, as if to say, "Do you really care?" but he did answer her question. "She's fine - none the worse after yesterday. Children are remarkably resilient, don't you think?" "Yes, they are," replied Teena. "It's only years later that the damage comes to light," said Mulder with a bitter undertone. Teena sighed. "I suppose I asked for that," she said. "I didn't come here to argue with you, Fox - I came because I wanted to apologize and to ask if it's not too late to start again. I would like to be part of Sarah's life, if you'll let me." "I guess that's up to her, isn't it?" replied Mulder. They went next door to Scully's room. Sarah lay on her stomach on Scully's bed, her nose buried in a book as usual. Just like Fox, was the thought that occurred to Teena. Mulder addressed his daughter. "Sweetheart, Granny's come to see you." Sarah looked up at him, then at her grandmother, her brows peaking in the same endearing way as her father's. "Hello. What are you reading?" enquired the older woman as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Cinderella," came the cautious reply. Teena smiled. "One of my favorites. I'd love to read with you, Sarah. Why don't you come and sit beside me?" Sarah glanced at her father, who responded with an almost imperceptible nod of his head. The little girl moved up close beside her granny and her granny reached out and caressed the child's long, dark tresses lovingly. Mulder and Scully smiled at one another. It was going to be a long, hard road, but they would get there eventually. The End.
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