Summary: Scully's feelings while pregnant.

I often wondered who coined the term "morning sickness", usually while I was leaning over the toilet bowl. It wasn't just morning sickness, it was morning sickness, afternoon sickness, evening sickness, middle of the night puking my guts up sickness. I thought it would never end.

I could hardly concentrate on work, but I had to stay. Skinner was very understanding, letting me get out of meetings early when he saw how pale I was looking and allowing me personal days when I had to see the doctors.

Mulder was still missing. It was like missing a part of me. I woke up every morning with his name on my lips and then the tears would start when I realised he was still gone.

For the first three months the sight of any food bothered me. I could no longer stand the smell of coffee or tea, or even washing powder. It was like my sense of smell had become so sensitive that aromas hurt. I lived on crackers and dry toast, washed down with lots of water. I knew that because I was being sick so much, I was at risk of dehydrating and I couldn't afford to waste time stuck in hospital with Mulder still missing.

The lone gunmen rang every night with the same news. Nothing. They'd tracked every report and sighting of UFO's all over the world, but no Mulder, no anyone.

After five months, I began to really worry. What if he never came back? What if I never saw him again? What if he never saw his child? Mulder hadn't known I was pregnant when they abducted him, I hadn't known it myself then and I just want to lash out at something, somebody for doing this to us.

Once the sickness had abated, I started to get cravings. I was expecting cravings of some sort, but I wasn't prepared how strong they would be. At first I craved fish, any fish, and woe betide anyone who stood in my way. I would probably have tried to catch some myself if the supermarket hadn't got any.

My mom told me she'd had a craving for coal with me, but so far I didn't crave anything as odd. But soon, I started to crave chocolate. Lots of chocolate, any sort of chocolate, but my favourite was dark, Belgian chocolate, a taste and texture so velvety that it was almost like being made love to.

After the chocolate came the sex, or the desire for it anyway. It was like I was on heat or something. I took long baths, exploring every inch of my body with my hands and wishing Mulder was here with me. He has wonderful hands and he worshipped me with them.

I often stood naked in front of a mirror wondering at the changes in my body. My breasts were bigger, rounder, firmer and were more sensitive to touch. I wore looser tops to try and hide them, but I thought I saw some of the male agents at work keep glancing that way.

They seem to think that with Mulder out of the way, I'm fair game.

My tummy was still fairly flat until six months, but I knew that soon everyone at the bureau was going to know and I didn't know how I was going to handle it. I didn't know how I was going to handle being a single mother either. That hadn't been part of the plan.

Where was he? Why had they taken him? And more importantly, how was I going to get him back?

Some mornings I woke up so depressed, it was an effort to get out of bed. It would have been so easy to end it all, but I knew I couldn't. There was another life to think of now. A life growing inside me, a life Mulder and I had created out of love. A life dependant on me, and I on it. I depended on the baby to keep me strong, to keep me thinking of ways to find Mulder.

I was determined that this baby would be safe. I was determined that this baby would grow up knowing their father.

And even if I had to break the law to do it, I knew I would.

Oaths to the country, the state, meant nothing when the man you loved had been taken to God knows where, and when you were pregnant.

I would do anything to keep our child safe.

Anything.

THE END