Title: My Dream, A Soul Unbound
Author: Para8Dice
Written: 1999
Rating: R
Spoilers: Christmas Carol, Emily, a few others.
Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance
Disclaimer: I do not own Mulder, Scully, Maggie Scully, Bill Jr. Scully, Melissa Scully, Emily Sim, or any of the others portaining to X-Files. They belong to Chris Carter, Fox, and Ten 1013 Productions.

Summary: During Emily, as Emily dies, Dana loses control temporarily, and Mulder is there for her.

Thanks to: Lauren Diewold who played Emily Sim, Melinda McGraw who played Melissa Scully, and all the other members of the X-Files cast. Gillian, you are the best actress out there!


My Dream:

It begins where it ends. In nothingness. A nightmare born from deepest fears, coming to me unguarded. Whispered images unlocked from time and distance. A soul unbound, touched by others but never held. On a course uncharted by some unseen hand. The journey ahead promising no more than my past reflected back upon me.

<I pick up the cross on a gold chain from the sand.>

Until at last I reach the end. Facing the truth I can no longer deny. Alone as ever.


 "I think I'd like to be alone."

Mulder nodded and left her with her daughter. Dana opened the sliding glass door to see her beautiful daughter lying there, dying. Dana walked slowly towards her daughter, touching a strand of hair on her daughter's head. A strand so gentle, glowing, and yet life less. No more passion, no more pain.

Dana gained an idea to lie with her daughter, watch over her one last time. To hold her child, even if her child didn't know. Dana lied there, trying not to cry, but it hadn't really hit her that she would never see her daughter's big blue eyes again.

Dana fell asleep.


 Dana awoke to someone snapping photos. She opened her eyes and her mother stood there with a camera, taking photos of her and her daughter.

"Mom, what are you doing?"

"I was taking some photos of my daughter and granddaughter. I thought you might want them."

"Why aren't you with Bill?"

"Because I'm here with you. I'm here to see my daughter. And her daughter."

Maggie Scully walked over to Dana and embraced her. She looked over at Emily.

"Dana, you have a beautiful little girl."

"I know."

"Bill should be here any minute."

Dana looked stunned, and then saw Bill's face. He walked in, and hugged his mother. He had a huge smile on his face.

"Mom, I have a son. Tara and I have decided to name him Matthew."

Dana's blue eyes blazed with fiery anger. She began to breathe hard, and her mother turned towards her, supporting her in her standing position. Dana broke free of her mother's grasp.

"How could you do it Bill? How could you march right in here and tell me that when my child is dying in front of you?"

"Dana..." Bill trailed off.

"Dana, sweetheart, we know you're having a hard time right now, but Bill has a right to be happy."

"I hate you for that mother."

"Dana!"

Dana ran to her little girl's side, urging her to wake up. Dana's mind wasn't quite clear. She was speaking words to Emily, as if she would wake up. Emily was too far gone though.

Bill came over and grabbed his sister's shoulders, pulling her up and away from her child. He turned her so she would face him. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now and she was shaking.

"Dana, you're my sister, the only sister I've got. I'm sorry about...her. And I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Her? You still don't believe it do you? You don't think she's really mine? You think she's some object that has my DNA but really isn't mine. She's MINE! The only person who believes me is Mulder. Where is he? MULDER!"

Mulder came through the doors and moved Bill aside. He grabbed her wrists and shook her roughly.

"Scully, it's gonna be all right. Scully!"

She broke free from him.

"You don't get it do you? None of you get it! Mom, you thought I should be happier for Bill and Tara. You expect too much out of me! I can't believe even now you'd ask me to be happier than I was when I knew I'd never have that dream! You're so busy loving your son, that you didn't come to see me when Emily was awake. You didn't see your only granddaughter did you? "And Bill! You're so busy criticizing me, telling me how crazy I am, and tearing me down that even when I'm right you can't accept i t! You thought I was crazy hearing Melissa's voice, you thought I was crazy to be concerned about this little girl who's mother had just been murdered, then when I came up with a much more realistic solution to this mystery than what was the real answer, you still thought I was incapasitated or dillusional!"

"Dana, you are my daughter, and I love you more than anything."

"Mulder! You're so busy trying to solve your sister's abduction that...NONE of you have helped me. Mulder, you tried but you couldn't. My little girl is dying and all you could think about was everything but her! She was a living breathing person. I ...I don't know if I can take this. Dammit Mulder, why didn't you do something? You're so obsessed with your own needs, what about my daughter's?"

Mulder knew that Scully didn't mean this. Mulder knew Scully knew he was trying to save her. She'd chosen not to save her daughter, and now, she was just having a set back. He chose to think about her, and not how she was hurting him.

"Scully, I wasn't obsessed in finding the truth when you called me and told me you had a child. I was here the next day. I've been here the whole time."

Scully turned away from him but he grabbed her again.

"No, Scully, listen to me. You did everything you could. You were the best mother anyone could've ever had and Emily knows that."

"I don't think I can take this. Emily doesn't know, she'll never know!"

"Yes she does Dana. My grandchild knows you loved her. She's going to be fine."

Maggie walked over to her daughter. Mulder stepped aside and Maggie hugged her youngest daughter. Dana shook and cried with guilt.

"Dana, you want to know something?"

"Oh mom," she sobbed.

"Melissa's gonna take care of Emily. She's going to tell Emily stories about the two of you when you were little, she's gonna guide Emily through Heaven, and Emily's gonna wait with you. Wait for you with Melissa. Your child knows."

Dana stopped crying for a minute and hugged her mother tightly.

"Really mom?"

"Absolutely. You can feel Melissa all around. Melissa's here. Emily will always be with you too."

"Mom I'd almost forgotten something."

"What's that?"

Dana pulled back and looked at her mother.

"I'd almost forgotten that you lost your daughter too."

"And I'm not doing a good enough job making my other baby happy. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"It is my fault. My job is to protect you and I keep failing. I love you so much. Nothing is more important to me than you. I love you."

"Dana," Bill said. "It'd do you some good to get out of this hospital for a while."

"I'm not going anywhere," she said firmly.

"Dana-"

"Bill, you're my son, but I'm telling you, never ask a mother to leave her child. Why don't you leave. I think Fox is the one who can help Dana through this."

Bill looked at his mother strangely, then Mulder with anger. Mulder looked away from Bill's eyes, and took Scully's hand.

"Don't Mulder. Don't ask me to leave her."

"I would never ask you to leave her. Just let me be with you. Let me help you."

Dana placed her hand over her mouth, as tears slid from her eyes. Bill left quietly. Dana felt no remorse for what she'd said to him. In fact, she wished she'd said more.

"Sweety, if I had known, I would never have complained about your feelings towards Tara's pregnancy. Now I'm here for you if you need, I'm never going to abandon you, but if you want me to leave, I will."

"How many pictures did you take?"

"You looked so beautiful with your sleeping child, I took about seven."

"Oh. Is Matthew all right? Tara?"

"They're fine. You are what's important though. Is there anything I can do?"

"No Mom, thanks. I'm sorry I lost it just now."

"Oh sweety, don't you ever apologize again. I'm the one who needs to be sorry. Bill Jr. had no right to come in and break your heart the way he did. He was so insensitive."

"Yeah, but he just had a child."

"Don't you make excuses for his behavior. He should've thought. Sometimes, your father wouldn't think and he'd hurt me so bad. Men sometimes don't think."

Dana looked at Mulder. He hurt her so often, but no one else made her feel so wonderful. They weren't even that close, or were they?

"Mom, I just wish I'd thought to get some photos of my child while she was awake."

"You were too busy doing everything you could to save her. You did better than anyone else could've."

"I wish I could see her alive once more."

"She is alive," Maggie said, touching Dana's heart. "In you. I love you baby. I'll come see you later," she turned to see Mulder. "Fox, take care of my little girl."

"I will Mrs. Scully."

Margaret Scully kissed her daughter and left. Scully stood, facing the opposite way from Mulder. After a minute or two, she held out her hand to him. He took it. She turned to him and hugged him.

"Let me love my daughter for as long as I can before she's gone."

"You're going to love her forever, and she knows it wasn't your fault."

"If we solve this-"

"*When* we solve this."

"I'll make it up to her."

"And when you see her again Scully, you're going to hold her and she's going to look up and you, and she's gonna call you Mommy."

"That's my dream."

Mulder pulled Scully towards Emily, and lied her on the bed next to her daughter. Mulder let go of Scully's hand and lied down on the other side of Emily. He touched Emily's forehead.

"Dana, is there anything you'd like to tell your daughter?"

Dana looked at him, and then looked at her daughter.

"I love you Emily. I loved you from the first moment I saw you. I knew you were a part of me. I thought you were my sister's child, but something even better happened. You were my child. My little girl.

"Emily I don't have all the answers, but I swear the next time we meet, I will have some. I will finally get to hold you, and you'll look at me with that recognition. Wait for me Emily."

Mulder had to make to think of something to say. He looked at her, thinking.

"You know, when we were first in bed together, I didn't expect their to be a child in between us."

Scully exhaled a laugh. "Mulder," she whined. "What?"

"Do you have anything you'd like to say to her?"

Mulder touched a strand of Emily's hair, tenderly as Dana had earlier.

"When your mother and I reach heaven, we know you'll be waiting. You didn't know me very well, and I didn't get the chance to know you, but you were loved. Truly loved by your mother. You're mother's the strongest woman in the world, and she wanted so badly to take care of you forever, and she needs you to tell her everything she did was right. Because you and I both know it was."

It was then that Emily's heart stopped. Dana stayed with her, as did Mulder.


Hospital 8:31 AM

 Dana had once again fallen asleep next to her daughter, and now, her daughter was gone. Dana had been covered up by Mulder, and now, she was waking up. Her mother and Mulder were there. Her mother was in tears, and Bill was there. Bill wasn't with hi s child and wife, which Dana knew took a lot of effort. Everyone's eyes were on Dana's.

"I had a dream. I've had nothing but dreams since that child came into my life. I was letting her go on her first airplane ride. It was without me. She told me that everything would be okay. I walked her up to the staircase of the plane, and then I let her hand go. She told me once she'd landed she'd wait for me, and I saw Melissa already on the plane. I let her go."

Maggie ran to her daughter's side. Dana wasn't crying though. Dana was all right. Her mother hugged her anyway. Bill came next.

"Dana, I am so sorry."

Dana just nodded.

"I miss Melissa so much. She was my younger sister, but you are my baby sister, and I feel that it is my job to protect you, and I'm not doing well at it."

"God, why do all of you feel like you need to protect me? Aren't I an adult? I'm a doctor. I can aim a gun from a mile away. I'm not going to break."

"Scully," Mulder said, "You don't need help, I know, but I like to think that I have some value."

Maggie hugged her daughter again then looked at her.

"Fox might think that, but I am your mother, and it is my job to protect you. I don't care how old you are."

Dana smiled. "My dream really helped."


Bill Scully Jr.'s House Three Days Later 3:30 PM

 Dana Scully walked hand in hand back into the house. The house where she'd heard Melissa's voice. The place she realized Emily was somehow related to Melissa, and the place where she finally discovered she was Emily's mother. Thoughts poured into her mind, but no more tears came.

She touched the necklace she'd regained from Emily. She felt that as a symbol of her union with Emily. She missed her so much.

"Anybody home?"

"Yeah, Bill's upstairs."

"No, I meant, inside you."

"I'm somewhere. I don't know where the hell I am or what to believe."

Mulder turned her so she faced him, and cupped her cheeks. Her eyes were moist, but tears wouldn't come.

"Scully, you have to believe me. Emily's alive. She lives in you. She's always with you, even if you can't see her. And I promise you two things. Emily knows you loved her and that you did all you could. You will also see her again."

"How did you survive your sister's disappearance?"

"I didn't. I haven't. Has it looked to you like I moved on?"

Scully nodded. "I just feel so empty now. And now with Bill and Tara, and they're child, I don't know if I can stand to see them as a happy family for one more minute. I need something to help me."

Mulder kept staring at her, and his fingers moved from her cheeks to her lips, caressing them lightly, then rubbing them. He could only offer her one thing. He took her and hugged her.

"Let's get out of here Scully."

"And go where?"

"To a hotel."

"I shouldn't."

"But you want to."

"Yes, but it'd be rude-"

"For God's sake Scully, think about yourself. And let me help you for Christ's sake! Come on."

Scully gladly walked out the front door with him, and to a hotel room.


 "Look, we need two rooms."

"Well, I can give you two rooms that we have that connect to one another sir."

"Sure, fine. Great."

Mulder got the keys and took Scully's hand, leading her the elevator.

The End

 

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