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Title: A Letter To Grandmother Summary: It's a difficult world, sometimes - Dedication: A Birthday fic for Lara - Happiest of Birthdays, My Dear! Thanks to: Tess and Steph, for quicksilver beta and excellent advice - and to IWTB, for their dedicated care and feeding of this fic-writer! January 11 'Dear Grandmother, 'So far I don't much care for school this year. I guess I'm bored. Classes have been small and there doesn't seem to be as much curricular activity as last year, which makes me sad. I had fun working on the newspaper but this year it got canceled. Mr. Hibler, my advisor, says it's because of the lack of interest but I know better. I know it's because we're not supposed to be reporting on current events, anymore. Maybe we should produce it underground. Hah. 'Every day I find out about more missing kids. I used to have so many friends here. But last month my friend Lauren went away, and just a week ago I lost my best friend Jason. He was my team captain and a really cool guy. You would have liked him, Grandmother. In the past year I think we have lost about twenty kids. I don't write their names down anymore, it hurts too much. I try not to think about it. If I think about it I start crying and that's the last thing I want my remaining friends to see - me crying. They'd never let me live it down. 'Sometimes Mom and I talk about it, but mostly we try to live around it. It's like if we don't think about it maybe it's not happening. You'd call it "burying your head in the sand", I think -at least that's what Mom says. She said that's when you hide from reality and pretend everything's okay. Well, if that's what it means then I guess I'm burying my head. 'Sometimes I wish this had all happened when I was so little I wouldn't know any better. But I sure remember it all - I remember being so scared. And I remember all the running we did. Maybe that's why I keep begging Mom to let me stay here, even though she wants us to move again. She worries all the time, that someone will find out what I can do. But I'm good at hiding it. Besides, this is the longest we have stayed anyplace and I really like my school a lot - though I don't see a lot of my friends, aanymore. I want to stay here for awhile longer. 'I once asked Dad if we had to keep moving. I think I was maybe seven. It was right after the first bad fighting, when Mom and Dad lost a lot of their friends. I didn't mean to make Dad cry with all the questions I asked - I felt really bad when I saw him like that. He didn't say much of anything but he hugged me hard, and when I tried to read him he came through good. I think that was the first time I ever read him and got it all. I sure read a lot of pain that day - after that I didn't ask him anymore, I just packed up my stuff whenever Mom and Dad said I had to. When he looked sad I made sure not to read him, 'cause then I'd be sad, too. 'I still have a lot of questions but I don't want to hurt Mom and Dad so I don't ask. Sometimes I get together with my buddies and we talk about it. But not in the open. I know I'm not supposed to do it like that. My bud Frank has a soundproof room in his cellar and we go in there to talk. His dad says the colonizers can't penetrate it - I think that's the right word. Anyhow we talk about everything, and it makes me feel good to know I'm not the only scared kid. Last week when we were in there talking there was this new kid. A girl. Not sure who invited her but it's great to see a new face. And she's pretty. I think her name is Nadia. Well, guess what? She could read me. It was kind of neat having somebody else around who can do it, someone my own age. 'Grandmother, I sure miss you. I wish I could see you so I could talk to you face to face. I wanted to call you last night but Mom said it wasn't safe. She says letters are best right now. But it's been an awful long time since I've talked to you. And after we moved last year I sure have missed your letters. I wish you could write back. But you know, maybe if I try real hard I can read you - even though it's so far away. I haven't tried that. Maybe I should. 'I'd better go now. Dad's home and he's in talking to Mom. I saw him for a minute before he went in the bedroom, he had a real serious look on his face. I sure hope he's not telling Mom we have to move again. I don't want to move anymore. 'I love you, Grandmother. I hope I can be with you someday soon. Please pass this letter on, okay? So he knows how much I love him, too. 'Your Loving William' She wiped away the tears in her eyes as she read the last words, and ran her fingers along the hand-written signature. William... it had been much too long since she had seen her boy. The longing for him, for his young arms around her neck and his kiss on her cheek, rose within her like the worst sort of pain. She dropped the letter into her lap and allowed herself to weep. And when a warm hand settled on the back of her head she startled, wiping hurriedly at her eyes. The rasping sigh above her told her he'd seen, and heard. "Nice try, cleaning off the evidence. But it's dripping all over your sweater. Tell me what's wrong." She shook her head and summoned a calm face, looking up as she handed him the letter. "From William. It just came this morning. I'm sorry... I can usually hold it in a lot better than that." He sighed at her matter-of-fact murmur and sat down next to her, pulling her small body into his arms. "You shouldn't hold it in. Not for me. It's good to let yourself feel the honesty of your emotions... you know that." He picked up the letter and began to scan it, adding, "So, how are they doing?" "Well, William doesn't say much - but I can read between the lines. I think they have to move again, and he's very upset. He doesn't want to leave his friends, of course. But it sounds as if they haven't much of a choice. I'm thinking it's getting dangerous again -and now he's met someone, a girl his age, I guess - and she's a Reader. Apparently this is the first time he's met another, like him. He's fascinated, but I'm worried. Her name is Nadia." At the distinctive-sounding name, his jaw dropped open and he stared at her. "You don't think... no, that's ridiculous! No way." She shrugged and ran a shaky hand through her silvery hair. "Why is it so impossible, Mulder? What's within the realm of possibility, anymore? Look how we've lived these past thirty years, and you tell me what's possible. All these years, my love - and they still don't know you exist. Think about it. Truly, I think that for us the realm of possibilities is still extreme..." Her voice faded away as she leaned her head upon his shoulder; sighed when his arm came around her. She whispered to him. "He can't even write your name on his letter. Can't even ask outright how his grandfather is doing. He's brilliant and as special as his father - more so, because he's got it on both sides. When I think of how rare, that Will met Caroline, a Reader like him -managed to keep it a secret for this long... I don't know how in hell they've been able to hide that particular light under the proverbial barrel, but think of what could happen if one day the barrel lifts -and their secret is out." Her husband nodded and hugged her close. "Baby, I know. We have been lucky. So have Will and Caroline - and our grandson. Very lucky, so far. We can only hope it continues." Her question came out as a weary thread of sound. "And if we discover that this girl Nadia is somehow a descendent of Krycek? After all this time and halfway around the world?" His answer was as firm and comforting as he could manage. "Well, anything is possible, I suppose. Extreme, as you said - but possible. And we lost track of Marita, long before I came back. She could have been pregnant - could have had his child. And if she did and this girl is his granddaughter... then we pray that her mother and father are adept at barrel-hiding, too. We keep tabs on our family the best way we can - for as long as we can. But I'm sure there are other children in this world besides William and this Nadia - who are special in that way." He slipped gentle fingers under her chin and kissed her soft cheek, and then her mouth, before standing up slowly and holding out a hand to her. "Come on, Grandmother - come take a walk with me. I'll let you feel me up, right out in public." She snorted delicately, as she took the proffered hand and allowed herself to be brought to her feet. "Like that's an unusual occurrence, Mulder..." They put on their wide-brimmed hats and their dark glasses, and went out into the warm January sun, for their daily walk. And as they walked they teased each other and spoke with warmth and loving affection of their grandson William, who was a very special boy - and their beloved and equally special son and daughter-in-law. And they each said silent prayers and sent good thoughts out into the sunshine, hoping - somehow knowing - that William would find a way to read them. And maybe, he'd smile. End Notes: Although I didn't intend this to be any sort of post-col fic, the Muse had other ideas - as he usually does! Hope you enjoyed it - and Lara... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
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