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Title: The Strength of Our Beliefs Summary: Scully struggles with her pregnancy, and Mulder's absence. Scully sat in the lonely office contemplating the Mulder's "I want to Believe" Poster. It reflected so much of what she struggled with currently. She had to believe he was alive and would return to her. She wanted to believe the child inside of her wasn't some alien monster. She wished to believe she could chase the panic from her mind. She couldn't believe the events of the last 48 hours, but she realized this was no nightmare. Forty-eight hours ago, Scully had blessed Mulder with her cross to keep him safe as he returned to Oregon. She remembered the chill she felt then and ominous premonition that his trip would be perilous. Thirty-six hours ago, she learned she was pregnant and he was gone. Initially she was emotionally shaken and numb. The news of the pregnancy was almost joyful as she relived playing with Theresa Sizemore's baby. Then her mind started processing some forgotten facts. She briefly had confused fantasy and reality. Scully felt frightened by her lapse and the sinister possibilities. Initially, Scully was shocked she was pregnant because of her infertility. It was some hours later, she with embarrassment acknowledged another factor was missing. She hadn't had sex. In her mind she and Mulder had made love hundreds if not thousands of times, but never in life. Scully, after the painful reunion with Daniel, had considered seducing Mulder. She awoke on Mulder's couch, feeling safe and loved. Mulder was the handsome angel peacefully sleeping in his bed. She longed to join him. But as always, fear stopped her. Scully loved Fox Mulder with every cell of her being and every particle of her soul. However she was terrified of opening herself to romance with him. Her track record with men was bleak: Daniel, an older married man, who tried to seduce her but who posed too much risk and Jack, an emotionally unavailable FBI agent, who was a distant enigma. Mulder could be difficult and work obsessed but she never doubted his commitment and his emotional connection to her. But could they be a couple? She wondered if he could choose a lover who wasn't emotionally abusive? Look at Phoebe Green; she was a bitch. And Diana, Scully still didn't know the whole story on that relationship. Scully desired to be Mulder's lover, wife and mother of his child, but she wasn't. It pained her; she briefly believed the fantasy. As Scully pensively examined the poster, she shook with terror. There was only one explanation for the pregnancy. When she traveled with CSM he had drugged her. Thankfully her body told her the smoking man had not raped her with his flesh. But she could not rule out medical violation. If he had done that there was no question she was carrying an alien. She had no choice but to end the pregnancy. The risk of bearing a monster that had an evil agenda was too great. No test could reassure her that the child would be human. Tears spilled down her cheeks as the last bits of hope and joy fled her mind. She needed Mulder. His fish were probably starving. Scully prayed as she opened the door to his apartment that he would be there or that she could sense his presence. Neither occurred. She fed the fish and cried. Her being yearned for his strength. She would create a surrogate Mulder. Transition objects help kids why not her. She searched for and found his Knicks tee shirt, but she wanted more. The couch pillow called to her. It smelled of his cologne and shampoo. Dressing it in the shirt, the pillow would be a tangible way to hold on to Mulder. No one would know she regressed and fashioned a concrete reminder. Exhausted and nauseous Scully watched mindless TV until she fell into a restless sleep on her couch. Even in sleep she clutched the pillow. REM sleep came quickly. In the dream Scully was traversing a cold but bleak desert. She climbed over dunes and avoided scorpions and snakes as she sought some comfort. Suddenly she was confronted by a light, which condensed into Mulder wearing a flowing white robe. Scully exclaimed, "No! Please don't be an angel that means you are dead" Mulder with his lopsided grin replied: "So much for `my fear not I bring you good tidings of great joy' entrance." Taking her hand, Mulder continued: "I'm not dead. I'm being held by the government, the aliens whoever, but the power of your belief brings me to you. I will be back in life but I don't know when. But Scully I do come with good news. The child is ours-yours and mine." Scully stuttered: "How do you know?" Mulder answered: "The cancer man has been near. During this ordeal my mind reading ability has returned. He had his doctors artificially inseminated you with my sperm. The chip cured your infertility. It s not how either of us would want to conceive our child. But it is our child and it is HUMAN." His image fluttered. "I have to go. I love you Scully." "Mulder come back." Her screams for Mulder awakened Scully. Her face was wet with tears; her heart was pounding yet she felt strangely peaceful. She sat up and reminded herself this was just a dream. Don't get deceived by fantasy again. But she felt Mulder's presence. He was here. She knew it. But the information about her pregnancy had to be confirmed. The next morning Skinner found a determined appearing Scully waiting in his office. Scully demanded: "Sir I need you to set up a meeting". Skinner questioned her: "A meeting with whom?" "The cigarette man. I need to talk to him. It's urgent", pleaded Scully. "Agent Scully, you are sounding like Mulder. You had a big shock. Go home, take care of yourself. The smoking man can't help you find Mulder. He would own you. I can't let you." Scully started to cry and replied: "Sir you don't understand. I believe the cancer man had something to do with my pregnancy. I need to know to make decision. This is embarrassing but I had not been sexually involved with anyone and I was drugged by the cigarette man. I'm afraid the baby might be some sort of experiment." Skinner signed, "You and Mulder aren't...?" "No sir, please help me." requested Scully. Two days later an envelope was slipped under the office door with Scully' s name on it. Enclosed was the address of a hospital in rural West Virginia, a visitors pass and a room number. Scully grabbed her purse and drove to the hospital. The secure government instillation looked unapproachable but the visitor's pass got Scully through the gates and into the building. She saw room 1313 and entered. The smoking man looked up from his laptop and greeted her. "Dana you look well. Is the pregnancy going smoothly?" Scully shouted, "What did you do to me, you devil? What kind of experiment am I?" Smiling he replied' "The mother of my grandchild. I had you inseminated with Mulder's sperm. I had it collected when I thought he might die. Before the brain surgery we had preformed in the fall. I wanted my good son's genes to survive. I thought you would be the perfect mother. Bright attractive and Mulder likes you. I like you." Scully demanded, "How do I know you are telling the truth? Why would you do this?" The cancer man took a drag from his cigarette and continued, "Have an amnio at any lab that can compare chromosomes. You will find you are the mother and Mulder is the father. I did it for purely selfish reasons. I wanted my genes to continue. Mulder represents the best of my genes. Not a wimp like Jeffrey but a man true to his beliefs. He may be on the opposite side from me but he contains the best of me and better. He is a man capable of love and compassion. I am not. But I respect those traits. Dana, your baby is truly human. Conceived from the cells of two humans who have integrity to temper their genius. The kind of person the world needs to survive the future challenges. I must rest. Please come see me again. I should recover fully." Scully left the smoking man. She decided to explore the hospital, discovered and sneaked into the lab down the hall. In the freezer she found proof. Frozen sperm marked "Fox Mulder". She broke into the files and under the date of her trip with CSM she found her medical records. The notes documented her insemination. She tucked both in her purse and fled the hospital. The Lone Gunmen were happy to check the authenticity of the files and the sperm. The records seemed legitimate from tests on the ink and its age of a few months. The sperm DNA was Mulder's. Scully sighed with relief and embraced her three friends. After the long day Scully grabbed her Mulder pillow and fell asleep. The dream of her crossing the barren desert recurred. She followed a tiny light on the horizon until once again in a flash of brightness Mulder appeared. He teased her, "My Scully always the skeptic. I knew you would check out my story. Do you believe it's our baby now? "Yes, I believe Mulder. I needed to find the truth for myself. I'm so happy and relieved." Scully hugged Mulder. "Scully, I'm not sure when I will appear to you again. Coming like this takes my energy; it makes the tests harder to endure. But the strength of your beliefs keeps me alive. You are and will always be my touchstone. I love you Scully and I will return to you". "Mulder, the strength of OUR beliefs will keep both of us alive." Scully whispered through her tears. Mulder held her tightly and kissed her forehead. Then he was gone. Scully awoke sobbing but at peace. The strength of our beliefs will see us through and save us she thought. And you, Samantha Venezia will know your father. She smiled as she named their daughter. She knew the baby was their daughter. Her first name would be for Fox's beloved sister. He would like that. Venezia, the Italian name for Venice, a place she visited with a friend from med school days. A magical and romantic city, she and Mulder would travel there for their honeymoon. The name Venezia would remind her that trip would happen and that their daughter would always carry hope, love and magic. Scully was not afraid anymore. The End
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