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Title: Sarah Companion: Reflections Trilogy Note: The events depicted take place six years after Sarah XX - Papa Fox. This is part one of a short trilogy. Each story takes place at the same time, at the same event. Part I - Mulder How did I get to be so lucky? It's a question I've asked myself many times over the years. Never in a million years did I see myself as a family man - if someone had predicted that one day I would be standing in the kitchen of my comfortable home, looking out at my extended family, I would have laughed in their face. The biggest change in my life came on the day that Sarah was born. I had someone else to think about other than myself for once. I wasn't there at her birth, but I loved her as soon as I set eyes on her. I found it hard to believe that she was a part of me - that I could have created something that was so perfect. I wasn't involved in her early years as much as I would have liked. Annie preferred it that way, and I had to respect her wishes. I saw Sarah as often as I could and, when she was a little older, I spoke to her on the phone regularly. It was always a wrench to leave whenever I visited her... it broke my heart every time. Then Annie told me she was sick, and that she was going to die. I was stunned, and also saddened by her news. We might not have had an easy relationship, but we shared a common bond in Sarah. Whatever difficulties we had, these were forgotten as we put Sarah's interests first. I had already decided that I wanted my daughter with me after Annie's death, and then Annie surprised me by telling me that she wanted me to have custody of Sarah. It was hard for Sarah and I to adjust to living with one another at first. I was completely unprepared for taking her into my home. There were times when I wondered if I hadn't made a big mistake, but one look at her smiling, trusting face would always convince me otherwise. Having Sarah living with me meant big changes to my lifestyle. Working more regular hours, learning to cook and eat proper, healthy food. No more midnight pizzas and staying up half the night watching TV. Having Sarah with me made me look at things in a new light, and appreciate the simple things in life. Scully had been in my life for some time at the point when Annie died. We were just starting to grow closer, but that process was put on hold while I grappled with learning how to become a full time father to my child. I'll never forget the night I took Sarah to meet Scully, or the look on Scully's face when I told her that I was Sarah's father. I should never have kept Sarah's existence from her in the first place. Even to this day I don't know why I did. At the time I told her that it didn't seem to have anything to do with our lives, that I assumed Sarah would grow up with her mother in Boston and that I would only see her occasionally. That makes me sound like an uninvolved father, but it wasn't by choice. I was involved with Sarah as much as I could be before she came to live with me. I was wrong in telling Scully that my daughter's existence had nothing to do with our lives - it had everything to do with us. I know I handled that first meeting in the worst possible way. I expected Scully to fall in love with my daughter, just as I had, and at first I thought I had misjudged badly when Scully sat there looking so cold and miserable. I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd never trusted me again. Gradually Scully came to love Sarah as much as I did, and I know that Sarah adored Scully. The next logical step was marriage, although we took our time getting round to it. Sarah, Scully and I were already functioning as a family unit of sorts, albeit without the legal niceties. Once that was out of the way, we could settle down to being a proper family. I knew that Scully wanted children of her own, and we were delighted when she fell pregnant with Stephanie. Josh followed two years later, and his arrival made our little family complete. Every child is special in his or her own way, and our three are no exception. Sarah because she was my first born, and the first born child is always special. Stephanie is special because she is the culmination of the love that Scully and I share, and Josh? Well, all men want a son, and I guess I was no exception. Each child was different and we had to adjust to and absorb those differences. Each child brought us different worries over the years, and I guess I worried the most. I know that Scully sometimes thought that I was overprotective, particularly in respect of Sarah and Stephanie, but if `overprotective' means wanting the best for your child, and making sure that they don't get hurt by the actions of other less caring individuals, then I must be guilty as charged. Nobody could ever accuse me of not caring about my children. Fatherhood has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done - I wouldn't have missed it for anything. To watch my children grow and develop has been a wonderful experience. You know you've done something worthwhile when you hear a little voice say, "I love you, Daddy," at the end of a long and exhausting day. Fatherhood has also been one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. You never know if you're doing the right thing, and there are times when you think they hate you, but you know it's not true. You will love them and worry about them till the day you die. They all grew up eventually, and went their separate ways. Sarah essentially left home when she was eighteen, and she never really lived with us after that, what with her studies and training. Steph moved out, then came back, then moved out again. We even got rid of Josh eventually! They're all out there, in the garden, at the Mulder summer barbecue. Scully's family used to have one every summer, and she thought it would be a good idea to carry on the tradition. There's Sarah, with her husband Robin. She has her own private practice now, and Robin has done very well for himself, too. He's head of Pediatrics at his hospital - the youngest head they've ever had. They have two children now - Ben is six, and he has a younger brother, Jamie, who is three. Ben takes his looks from his father, but Jamie favors Sarah. Stephanie fulfilled my prediction that she would marry early - she got married three years ago. Like her, Ross is a teacher, and they have a beautiful blonde eighteen-month-old daughter named Gracie. I don't think it will be very long before Stephanie is pregnant again. And what of Josh? He's twenty seven now, and engaged to be married. I never thought I'd see the day when Josh was ready to settle down. Fiona is a lovely girl, and she'll keep his feet firmly anchored to the ground. A bit like Scully does for me, I guess. My mother died three years ago, just before Steph's wedding. I was sad, but it was a release for her. Hopefully she has now found the peace that eluded her in life. Scully's mother is still going strong, I'm happy to say. She couldn't be here today as she's visiting Scully's brother Charles. And what of Scully? Well, she's still here, and looking as radiant as ever. Her hair might have lost its fiery redness, but she's still my Scully. She can still bewitch me with those blue Devil's eyes of hers. I know things were hard on her when Sarah first came on the scene, and there have been many times that I have been insensitive to her needs, but I must have done something right for her to still be with me after all this time, and all that we've been through together. From the window, Mulder watched the children running around on the grass, laughing and squealing as they chased one another. Out in the garden, Scully clucked impatiently. "Where's your father got to with those drinks?" she said to Sarah. "He's left poor Ross in charge of the barbecue!" Sarah turned and called to Ben. "Sweetheart, go inside and see what's happened to Papa. Tell him Nanna said to bring the drinks." Ben tore off down the lawn and into the house. "Papa! Papa!" "Hey, Tiger!" Mulder swept the little boy up into his arms, planting a kiss on his cheek. "What can I do for you?" "Nanna said where are the drinks?" "Just coming." He set the child back on his feet. "Would you like to help me?" An enthusiastic nod was the answer. "Okay... let's see." Mulder opened the huge fridge door, reached in and took out a large bottle of soda. "You can carry this for me. Tell me if it's too heavy and I'll give you something else." "What's that, Papa?" Ben pointed to the large, cream covered dessert on a plate. "That's my favorite!" Mulder grinned. "Can you guess what it is? It's your favorite, too." Ben gave out a grin to match his grandfather's. "Banoffee pie!" Scully always made Banoffee pie when the children visited. "Shall we have a taste?" whispered Mulder conspiratorially, and Ben nodded. With that, both he and the little boy dipped their index fingers in the cream then licked them. "Delicious!" declared Ben, making his grandfather laugh out loud. "Come on," said Mulder, putting an arm around the child's shoulders. "We'd better get back to the party. We don't want your uncle Ross to burn the hamburgers, do we?" Now I'm a grandfather, and it's just as rewarding. It's wonderful to have the house filled with children's laughter once again, to be able to read them bedtime stories and sing songs. My life has turned out in a way I would never have expected - I have been blessed so many times. Every day I give thanks for those blessings. My family... I couldn't live without them. Part II - Scully Here he is at last! We could all die of thirst while we waited for him. I can't help but smile when I see our eldest grandson, Sarah's son Ben, marching along behind him. He adores his grandfather, he follows him around like a lost sheep and hangs onto his every word. They spend hours together doing who knows what. And of course, Mulder loves every minute of it! I knew Mulder would make a wonderful grandfather - he was, and still is, a wonderful father and he made the transition effortlessly. It wasn't always so - when Sarah first came to live with him, he found it very hard. No-one knew of her existence at the time, and therefore he had nobody to confide in or support him in this venture. Having the sole responsibility for his daughter made him more responsible as a person. The man that went to Boston during Annie's final days wasn't the same man that came back after the month long absence. He had changed, but I didn't know why. When I found out, it was a huge shock. Our professional relationship had been changing before then, growing into something deeper and more personal. All that was put on hold as the three of us forged a new relationship. I will admit that it wasn't easy, especially for me - to my shame, I suffered irrational bouts of jealousy that I found hard to deal with. I fought hard to overcome these feelings, and I soon learned to love Sarah as if she were my own. I wanted the three of us to make a life together. She had accepted me unquestioningly, and I felt that I owed it to her to be the best mother that I could be. And she longed for her father and I to be together, and for the three of us to be a family unit. Sarah never really gave us a moment's worry in all the time she was growing up. Stephanie, on the other hand, was different again to her sister. She was always the quiet, unassuming one, the one who kept her worries and troubles to herself. Stephanie had one or two unfortunate experiences when she was growing up, and again at college, that dented her self-confidence. We have always enjoyed a close relationship, but Stephanie's relationship with her father wasn't always smooth. I know that this almost broke Mulder's heart, and it was only after a long and painful self examination that she came to terms with her feelings about her father, her place in his affections and in this family. She knows that he loves her, that he would die for her. Stephanie has really blossomed since she got married and had Gracie. She has a radiance and serenity that she never had before - as if she has found her true vocation, her niche in life. And Ross is good for her - they complement one another so well. And Josh? What can I say? Josh is his father's son. He might look like me on the outside, but inside, he's all Mulder. He gave us more than a few worries in his youth. I think I worried about him more than his father did. We were invited to his school on more than one occasion, and then there was the pregnancy scare with his first serious girlfriend. He has that same devil-may-care attitude as his father, tempered with the odd rare flash of common sense that he's inherited from me. I like to think that Josh is what Mulder might have been like if circumstances had been different. Even now, when Josh and his father get together, they're like two overgrown schoolboys. Men just never seem to grow up! Josh cultivated this 'playboy of the Western world' persona, but he also has a more mature and sensible side to him, which took me and his father by surprise the first time it manifested itself. I am relieved that he has found someone that he wants to settle down with, and we are all looking forward to having Fiona in the family. I think that she will be a stabilizing influence in his life, and rein in his excesses. Does that remind you of anyone else? And what of Mulder? He's still the same, he never changes. To be honest, I don't think I'd want him any other way. His hair is greyer now, and he wears his glasses most of the time, but he's still Mulder. One look from those soft brown eyes and I go weak at the knees - he still has that power over me. Scully looked over to the canopied swing seat. Mulder was sitting on it, with Ben and Jamie clambering all over him. Gracie toddled over and held her arms out to her grandfather, wanting to be lifted up to join in the fun. Mulder smiled, reached down and lifted her onto his lap, planting a kiss on her cheek and ruffling her soft blonde curls. "Papa, do magic!" cried Ben excitedly. The children loved it when he made coins or small pieces of candy appear from behind their ears. "I don't think I can remember the magic word," said Mulder, making a big show of scratching his head and looking puzzled. "Do you know what it is?" Ben nodded. "It's abracadabra," he assured his grandfather knowledgeably. "I remember now!" grinned Mulder. "Shall we see if it's worked?" Mulder felt behind the boy's left ear. "Oh, what's this?" He pulled out a small piece of wrapped candy, and the little boy laughed with delight. "I want one!" cried Jamie, not to be outdone. "Well, let me see.... Ah, there it is!" Another piece of candy appeared, from behind Jamie's right ear. "Gracie want!" Gracie tugged on the front of his shirt, not wanting to be left out. "You want one too, do you? Hmm... let me see what I can do..." Mulder produced a piece of soft candy from behind the little girl's ear and presented it to her. His reward was a toothy grin, which made him chuckle. "Papa, do some more magic!" pleaded Ben. "Later. I have to take over from uncle Ross at the barbecue." Mulder loved to don the apron and preside over the family barbecue - once he'd gotten the hang of it, that was. In the early days they'd either had food that was barely cooked, or food that looked as if it had been cremated. They'd ended up with take out on more than one occasion. Scully watched him turning the chicken drumsticks with the ease of a practiced chef, and smiled. Fox Mulder, patriarch. There's no doubt that he's the undisputed head of this family. It's a role that he deserves, and that I am more than happy to let him have. He's loved and respected by every one of us, from me down to little Gracie. We've had our troubles, but we've come through them, and we've grown stronger because of them. I think that Mulder is having the time of his life - he found fatherhood richly rewarding and I think he finds being a grandparent even more so. He can do all the things with the grandchildren that he couldn't do with our children. And what about me? I have no regrets about my life, about the things I've done. I've had a happy marriage to a man I love and who loves me. It hasn't always been easy, but then nothing in life ever is. I love my family, and I couldn't live without them. I wouldn't change a day. The End Part III - Sarah If my mother hadn't died, I don't think I would know my father in the way that I do now, nor he me. I think that is something we would have both regretted. I have always been closer to my father than Stephanie or Josh, but I don't think that any of us could have wished for a kinder, more loving or supportive father. He always seemed to be there when we needed him, always with the right words to comfort or encourage us. I was a frightened six-year-old when I came to live with him. He was frightened too, but we muddled along together, and it became fun. We did things together that I would never have done with my mother - I suspect that she wouldn't have approved if she'd known what we got up to. Dad always made even the most mundane thing seem exciting, and he's still doing it today for his grandchildren. I don't mean to make it sound as if my life with my mother wasn't exciting, because it was. She could make a simple event into an adventure just as much as Dad could. Mommy would take me to an expensive, high class restaurant, Dad would take me for a hamburger. They were like chalk and cheese, both passionate and dedicated to their causes. I know it used to upset Dad when he came to visit me. The worst part was when he had to leave - I always tried to be brave, for him. I knew it would break his heart if he saw me cry. I didn't know what would become of me when my mother died, then Dad told me that I would be coming to live with him in Washington. Dad's apartment was not what I expected - I had assumed that he lived in a big house like my mother and me. He was completely unprepared for having a six-year-old child living with him. I think it was an education for both of us. At one point, I was afraid that he was going to send me away, that he didn't want me any more. After the way I behaved, it was a miracle that he wanted to keep me. I had been with Dad for a little while before I met Dana. She was shocked to learn of my existence, but she made me welcome. As I got to know her better, I grew very attached to her. I saw her as a mother figure, I suppose. It was obvious that there was something between Dana and Dad, only they couldn't see it. Then one night we stayed at Dana's, and I found Dad in Dana's bed the next morning. After his explanation as to why he was in Dana's bed, I asked if he had put his penis inside her! But he didn't turn a hair. At the same time, I don't think he expected a six-year-old to be so au fait with the facts of life. We've had a good laugh about that incident on more than one occasion since. It was exciting when Dad and Dana got married, because it meant that we could be a proper family at last. As much as I love my father, I missed having a mother. There are times when only a mother's kiss or cuddle will do, and I used to love it when Mom, as I came to call Dana, let me make cookies or took me on surprise outings. I was thrilled when Mom and Dad told me that they were having a baby - the second of my wishes had been granted. Our little family was boosted by the arrival of Stephanie, then later on, they had Josh. We had our moments, like most siblings, but on the whole we got on well. It was different for me, being that much older, but I know that Josh gave Steph a hard time while they were growing up. It was a wrench to leave my loving family for university, and I don't think Dad ever really got over it. He found it hard to let go - not just me, but my brother and sister too. I think for him, as a parent, it was the hardest thing he's ever had to do. I know I'll probably find it just as hard when my sons come to leave home. Dad has always worried about us, and that hasn't changed, although I think he's more at ease with himself than he used to be. When we're all together, he sometimes gets this dazed look on his face, as if he can't believe that he's been so lucky in love and in life. I know that Dad still finds it hard to believe how different we all are. I suppose I'm the one that's most like him - I look like him, I have his brains, his drive, his singlemindedness. Stephanie has a bit of Mom and Dad in her. She has Mom's build, and her nose and fair skin, but she has Dad's eyes and mouth. She's a worrier like him, too. I know Steph used to envy me, but she would probably laugh if she knew how I envy her now. My beautiful, serene and talented sister. She's the most popular teacher in her school - I've seen how the children clamor around her, begging her to sing them a song and play her guitar, or tell them a story. The times Ben and Jamie have come back from a stay at her home, and complain that the stories that Robin and I tell aren't as exciting as their Auntie Steph's! She writes the most wonderful children's stories, and she's just had a selection accepted for publication. She has asked me to do the illustrations, and I'm very honored that she would want me to share in this endeavor. Things have not always been easy for Stephanie, but she is so much more at ease now that she is married and a mother. She loves children, and I can see her surrounded by a whole tribe of them in the future. She has endless patience, a trait she must have inherited from Mom - she certainly didn't get it from Dad! As for my baby brother, Josh... he was the archetypal boy. Always dirty, always in some scrape or other... the face of an angel with the heart of a devil. The suave young man that Josh is today is so far removed from that little boy with the hot temper of yesterday. He looks more like Mom than ever, with that wonderful coppery hair and blue eyes. Mom and Dad developed a sixth sense where he was concerned - if there was ever any mischief going on, you could bet your life that Josh would be in the middle of it. Dad didn't help matters either, one Christmas he gave Josh a whoopee cushion and there was an unfortunate incident with Granny Mulder, who happened to be staying with us at the time. To say that Mom wasn't pleased was an understatement! Needless to say, no more was seen or heard of the whoopee cushion. Josh's secret was never to take anything seriously, as he once told Stephanie when she was having some problems. Sometimes, to quote an old saying, he was so laid back as to be almost horizontal. He attracted girls like a magnet - at one point Mom was so worried about this that she asked Dad to have a talk with him. No doubt whatever Dad said to Josh went in one ear and out the other. Josh might look like a Scully on the outside, but he's a Mulder through and through. He has Dad's sense of humor and loose limbed gait, he even sounds like Dad when he speaks. Not everything is a laugh a minute with Josh - he does have a serious and sensible side, which he has demonstrated on more than one occasion, and I think that Mom and Dad are very proud of that. He's defused more than one tense moment in his time, several of them within this family. He's great with the kids - they love spending time with their uncle Josh. I'm sure they get up to things that I don't really want to know about! And now he's engaged to Fiona. Dad's very taken with Fiona - she's a tall blonde with ice blue eyes. I think Mom and Dad view her as some sort of saint for taking Josh on! I have no idea when they'll marry - if I know Josh, he'll just turn up one day and announce that they're getting married in a week's time. Josh is his father's son, all right! As a family we are very close - I think that was something that Dad has always been keen to foster following the lack of closeness with his own parents. If one hurts, we all hurt. Sarah looked over to the swing seat, where her father was holding court with his grandchildren. "Do you know how much I love you all?" asked Mulder. "Do you think it's this much?" He held his thumb and forefinger a tiny distance apart. "Or is it this much?" He held his hands about two feet apart. "Or... is it this much?" He moved his arms in a huge circle, to encompass all known space. "How much do you think it is?" "This much, Papa," answered Jamie, moving his little arms in an imitation of the huge circle that his grandfather had drawn. Mulder chuckled. He loved them so much, it hurt. He had never stopped marvelling at how the heart expanded to take in another, then another, as each successive child and grandchild came along. Ben was touching his grandfather's arm and looking at him in the same endearing way that Sarah used to when she was his age. "Papa, can I stay with you tonight and watch the stars?" "Well, I don't know, Ben. You'd better ask your Mom and Dad first." The little boy scampered away to find his mother. His Daddy was busy talking to uncle Josh. "Mommy, can I stay with Papa tonight and watch the stars, please?" Sarah knew that her parents always kept a room ready in case they had little visitors. "Did you ask Papa first?" Sarah smiled down at her oldest son, and ran a loving hand across his dark hair. Ben nodded. "He said I had to ask you or Daddy." Sarah thought it was a good job that she always had a bag in the car, ready packed for occasions such as this. Nine times out of ten when they visited her parents, Ben ended up stopping over. "Okay, but make sure that you behave and do what Papa tells you." One very happy little boy ran back in the direction of the swing seat. Dad told me that the most important day of my life would be the birth of my first child, and he wasn't wrong. Ben adores his grandfather, his beloved Papa. He would follow him to the ends of the Earth if he had to. He never strays far from Dad's side when they are together. Ben and his Papa have a very special bond. Ben has the Chalmers looks, like his father. Jamie favors the Mulder side. He looks just like Dad did at the same age. My boys are so different - Ben is extrovert, always keen to join in with whatever is going on. Jamie is the shyer, more studious one. He adores his grandfather too, and vies with his big brother for Dad's attention. I know that Dad mourned the passing of the years, and the fact that we all grew up, but now he has the grandchildren, I think he's entered his second childhood. He is infinitely patient with them, just as he was with me all those years ago, and he gets so much pleasure from the simplest things. And what about me? My marriage goes from strength to strength - Robin is the most wonderful husband and father. They say that women marry men like their fathers - if that's true, then it's a great compliment to my father, and also to Robin. He supports me and encourages me in the same way that my father always did... he gives me guidance and advice when I need it. Our family is not perfect by any means. We each have our good points and we each have our failings. Put them all together and you get a very special mix. I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to become part of that mix when my mother died. I wouldn't have missed it for anything. The End
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