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Title: Losing Faith Summary: After Mulder's return, Scully confronts another challenge to her faith. Major Angst Warning. This story is very sad, very angsty and should make you cry. Thanks to IWTB for being a great incubator and to Gerry for correcting my grammar.
Scully walked into the darkened church. The service wouldn't start for about fifteen minutes and she wanted to take the time to think, to pull herself together, to offer some thanks. It was Epiphany. It seemed fitting. After the worst Christmas, worse than Emily, she thought to herself, Mulder had been returned. She had taken the week off between the holidays to rest, to pull herself together. She had been running, looking for answers, turning away from the lack of an explanation for Mulder's disappearance, away from Doggett's questions about Mulder's trips to North Carolina, those unexplained medical records. Deep down she had known those conveniently discovered records were some kind of cover-up, but there was no way to refute it. Mulder was the only one who would know, and well, he was gone. But now he was back. In the hospital and weak, but back. His reappearance was every bit as mysterious as the disappearance. His physical condition had prevented any extensive discussion or questions about what had happened. All she knew was that he was back, and beyond dehydration and muscle atrophy, he seemed pretty healthy. He had taken the baby in stride. Quietly. She thought he would have more to say, but then again he had not said much in the week since he had appeared in the woods outside Bellefleur. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe he didn't want the baby. Scully's hands dropped to the small bulge under her dress. She knew Mulder wanted the baby. She had to continue to have faith in that. It would just take time. She remembered how hard it was to adjust after her own abduction. No time has passed for you, so it seems unbelievable that it has for others. It'll just take him a little bit longer, she thought. Her thoughts were interrupted by the altar boy coming in to light the candles. She looked around. It was a small church, but even so there seemed to only be about ten other people there. Sighing, she pulled the kneeler down and eased off the pew. She had so much to be thankful for, so much. Epiphany was about the manifestation of Jesus as God. It made her think about Gibson Praise, the God module. What if this was all about alien life? Could the God she had believed in, who had given her faith when she was facing her greatest adversary really be some being from space? What if the God she prayed to for Mulder's return was really just the beings who had taken him in the first place? The cadence of the priest's voice had almost lulled her to sleep. A sudden, sharp pain made her sit up straight. She gasped slightly. The woman across the aisle looked at her. There, another one hit. She gasped again. "Are you okay?" the woman whispered. Scully nodded. She thought she was. Her hand dropped down to the baby. She could feel the muscles tighten slightly. She needed to get out of there. Now. She stood up, the priest stopping his sentence for a moment as they all watched her. She took two steps, and then the pain came again. Dropping to her knees, she could feel the woman touch her shoulder as the world went black. *~*~*~* Mulder entered the room quietly. He had begged off the wheelchair that Skinner had put him in for the trip over from his room. They needed this time alone. She looked so small in the bed, on her side, curled almost in a fetal ball. He moved to the side of the bed, touching her hair. It had gotten so soft during her pregnancy. Scully's eyes opened. Tears threatened to fall out of the corners. "I called your mom. She'll be here as soon as she can," he said. She nodded. Even weak, he was trying to take care of her. In some ways it felt so good. She felt so little, so alone. Mulder dropped the bar on the side of her bed. Carefully, he sat down on the edge. "I saw her. She's beautiful." Scully nodded again. The tears slipped down her face. He took her hand, folding it inside his. "It's going to be okay. It will work out, I know it will." She wished she could have his faith. She needed that and so much more. "She's our angel," Mulder said, trying to comfort her. Scully didn't want any more angels. She wanted a baby, a child. Emily had been taken from her in a most cruel fashion and this child, well, she had just slipped away. Scully began to cry harder. Pulling her into his arms, Mulder tried to comfort her. It seemed impossible. Her heart had broken...again. He wasn't sure he could help her, he didn't know what to do. "Oh...Dana..." The silence was broken by Mrs. Scully's entrance. She moved quickly to the other side of the bed and took her daughter in her arms as she pulled loose from Mulder's embrace. "Baby," she cooed, over and over again. Scully continued to cry. Uncomfortable with Scully's grief, Mulder moved to stand up. A wave of dizziness swept over him and he nearly landed on the floor before he grabbed at the bed rail and steadied himself. The bed shook slightly and Scully pulled back from her mother to check on him. "Mulder, be careful," she cautioned. He nodded and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Not only had he been unable to help her with the baby, he couldn't help her now. She was still taking care of him. He dropped his head down so she wouldn't see the tears he was unable to keep back. "Are you sure you want to do this, Dana?" Mulder's head shot up at Mrs. Scully's words. What was she talking about? Scully had nodded, slowly and Mrs. Scully disappeared from the room. Her absence left a void between the couple. Mulder didn't know what to say. His place had been taken by her mother, but yet he knew that he should reach out to her. He just wasn't able to do it. The door opened again and a priest entered the room. Mrs. Scully was followed by Skinner with a small isolette. Mulder watched as the priest pulled the blanket back from the face of their precious angel. She looked like she was sleeping. Mulder watched in silence as the priest marked her with his bottle of holy water. He spoke quietly, confidently, praying for the soul of their child. There was a pause. "What is the name of this child?" the priest asked. Mulder looked up at Scully. She was working so hard to keep the tears away. He wondered if she had thought of any names. They hadn't talked about it. They hadn't talked about anything, least of all their baby and now she was gone. "Faith," Scully finally said. "Her name is Faith." Mulder nodded and the priest continued. Finally it was over. "Can you just go, all of you, for a minute?" Scully asked. Mulder stood up. "No, not you, Mulder." He watched as the others filed from the room. When they were gone, Scully got out of the bed and walked slowly over to the isolette. She reached down and touched the baby, now cold. Mulder moved to join her. Putting his arm around Scully, he traced his hand along hers. Neither spoke as they drank in the beauty and mystery of their child. "Scully..." Mulder began. He stopped and turned to look at her. "I'm so sorry. I...I should have been there and I'm just...I love you." He leaned in and kissed her. It was a gentle touch of his lips to hers; a reaffirmation of what they still had together. She reached down to touch Faith one more time. The baby was so small. She had never really had a chance. It was breaking her heart to let another daughter go. "We'll figure something out," Mulder said. God, he was trying so hard. She couldn't think what that might mean, 'figure something out,' but she knew that it had to be easier with him by her side. She leaned down and kissed the baby's cold face. As Mulder pulled her close, trying to share her pain, she knew she would never lose her Faith. FIN Feedback gratefully received.
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