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Title: 14. Zelda's Big Day Summary: Zelda's first birthday Mrrow. Ahem, just clearing my throat. Today's my birthday and I would like to mark the occasion by telling my story. As you may remember, I dropped into my present home on a very rainy night. My litter was a small one. My mother was a queen, of course. I am not quite sure what my father did for a living, but I have heard he was a great mouser. There were three kittens in my litter. I was the smallest and despite being ill, I was the cutest. We were born in a dark closet, but the ogre that had ensorcelled my mother exiled us to a dank shed once we were discovered. My siblings were given away at five weeks of age, too young to even know how to be a proper cat. My mother's person was not the kind you want to know. He complained about me as if it cost a great deal to take care of me although he never fed us anything but scraps of food his human family refused. One horrible day, the master grabbed and stuck me in a bag. He threw me into a noisy, sickening thing that I now know is a car, drove me a long ways and threw me out. Fortunately, the bag was loosely tied and I soon escaped. I was barely eight weeks old and never have been outside the shed where I was born. This was dark, wet and, of course, I cried for my mother. Something horrid flew at me and I hid under a bush. I could hear it uttering a dreadful sound, whooo whooo! Cowering there, I wish I had known I had nine lives because I was terrified that I would never know adult cat hood. When the sound went away, I ran to the next bush and then the next. Something stinky chased me and I ran up a tree. What a shock when the branch that I stood on broke and down I fell into the jaws of the beast! I didn't know what a dog was, but something told me to be afraid. Then the dog picked me up and washed me all over just like my mother used to do. It was very confusing, but I soon decided that the dog was my new mother. I missed my real mother, but Spooky Dog made me feel loved. He brought me more food than I ever had in my little life. He kept me warm and clean, played with me, and made sure I was safe. I was a princess then, but now I am a queen. I reign over a house with three humans, each different and acceptable servants. There's Walter, who is big and very warm, a good person to use as a bed. There's Alex who is a bit of a cat himself. There's Spooky's special human, Mulder, who is good if you don't feel like sleeping as he sometimes prowls around at night. Spooky Dog is my knight, of course. Then there is Belun, my court jester. Pluto and Mars are my knaves. They are the bloodhounds, so full of themselves. When I was still a kitten, I played in the caves of their ears. Today, from the moment I woke, my subjects seemed exceptionally worshipping. I took it all in stride; a cat was born to be worshipped, an idea I took in with my mother's milk. I started the morning with my water in a real silver dish, served on a tray with a sprig of fresh catnip on the side. I enjoyed my morning crunchy food in another silver dish. Spooky helped me with my morning ablution after which I took my beauty sleep at the top of the cat tree Walter had made for me. When I woke, I washed again and deigned to play with Spooky, allowing him to chase me until I turned the table, routing him until he leaped to the top of the couch, getting in a great deal of trouble from Walter. That's fun. I wrapped myself around Walter's ankles and purred as he gave Mulder his 'you have to train your dog' speech with Spooky sprawled on his back in apology. After Spooky was restored to good graces, we went into the kitchen. I saw the members of my court who do not live in my castle, Missy, William, and Kat, who is a baby human not a real cat. On a small table was a cake with my image on it. Missy served me my own cake, not human sugary stuff, but a wonderful rich chicken flavored thing. The dogs each had a slice of my cake and I dined on the rest. The humans enjoyed their lesser feast as was appropriate. I am a generous queen who can be kind to her subjects. Missy leaned down, not trying to pick me up, which shows what an exceptionally intelligent human sprout she was. "You are one year old today, Zelda!" Everyone said, "Happy Birthday, Zelda."
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