Title: December 25, 1998
Author: Dance S.
Written: December 1997
Classification: Vignette
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The characters of The X-Files are not mine. I'm just borrowing them for my own entertainment. In reality, they belong to Chris Carter and crew. I am not making any money off of this and no infringement is intended.

Summary: Scully reflects on the first anniversary of the news that she is a mother.

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December 25, 1998

Christmas, a holiday that gives you the opportunity to reflect on the events of the past year. A time for celebration, when all the family gathers together. Such happiness, marred only by the remembrance of the tragedies.

It was one year ago today that Dana Scully learned that she was a mother, and almost a year since her child had died in her arms. Almost a year since the funeral of her daughter and the christening of her nephew, held on two consecutive days. It had almost killed her then, as it still did, to see the happiness in the eyes of her brother and sister-in-law as they gazed upon their perfectly healthy child.

Since she had joined the FBI, she had learned just how cruel life could be, but this went beyond mere unfairness. Why couldn't she have had a little more time to enjoy her child. To have the joy of being allowed to mother her child, to her home, to have her cuddle up in her arms after a nightmare. One of her greatest wishes was to become a mother, and this was taken away from her twice. The first time when she was told that she could not have children, and the second time when she was denied her own child, even when the child was dying.

She looked at the picture of Bill and Matthew on the table and felt glad that she would not be spending the holidays with them. Although she loved both with all of her heart, it would be just too painful. She was trying to erase all the memories of Christmas by shutting herself up in her undecorated apartment, but it was difficult to ignore the holidays.

Dana recalled her dream from the night before. In this dream, Emily had lived and was a perfectly healthy little girl looking forward to spending Christmas with her real mother for the first time. All she desired in the way of toys was a giant teddy bear which had become her obsession. She was a normal kid who loved to watch television and was slowly making friends in her kindergarten and after-school class. Dana was still working for the FBI, but was no longer Mulder's partner. In a way she was glad, because this allowed her to start a relationship with him that would have been frowned upon if they were still working together. Things had been moving slowly, but had moved much fasted in the past year than in the previous five. Life in her dream was good. If only reality were half as kind...

In the other room her phone rang and Dana left her thoughts behind to go answer it. She looked at the number on the call display and saw that it was her brother, probably calling to wish her a Merry Christmas and to show his regrets at her not accepting his invitation to spend another Christmas at his house. She let the phone ring, not wanting to bring down her brother's day with her own problems and not wanting to hear the stories of Baby's First Christmas. Fresh reasons for jealousy would only make the holiday harder to bear. All she wanted was to spend one Christmas with Emily, but that was too much to ask.

Dana went back into her living room hoping to get some more sleep so that the dreams would replace the reality, and her daughter would live again.

The End

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