Title: Beyond My Grasp
Author: Kristy
Written: April 1999
Category: V SA
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Christmas Carol/Emily, All Souls
Archive: Gossamer OK, anywhere else just drop me a line so I can visit!
Disclaimer: I know what I do own, and it's definitely not any of these characters or the X-Files world, unless you count the action figures. :)

Summary: A vision of the future...

Author's notes: Special thanks go to Caz, for all the encouragement and help, and Renee, for putting up with me all the time. And for the beta reads. You guys are the best!

Feedback: Please! This is my first post, so anything you have to say will be greatly appreciated (i.e. worshipped)

A vision flashing across my brain...

An image burned in my mind, never to be forgotten.

One second sitting at my desk, going through the motions of any typical office workday, the next transported to a time not too far in the future. A premonition just beyond my grasp...

A little girl of four or five, with an uncanny resemblance to me. A touch of Melissa mixed in--the angle of her chin, the shape of her mouth. The red hair, the brilliant eyes. A nose so much like the one I see in the reflection of a mirror.

A little girl, playing dress up. With a white hat, promising to slip off even as she struggles to keep it on. A white feather boa, wrapped haphazardly around her neck. A face full of smiles and joy. And looking at me with a gleam in her eye.

A heart overflowing with giggles.

A look of love that I have never seen, but that I recognize without a doubt, flashed in my direction. The innocent joy of youth, mixed with the unfathomable trust that a child only gives to one person in their life.

Instantly, I know she is mine. My daughter. My little girl. Not the one who made a brief appearance in my life only to disappear before I really knew her, but one tucked away in the future, come to play for an instant. *My* future--and I know she has come to reassure me that I am on the right path. For if I had not seen her, I know she would not be waiting, somewhere down the line.

For all my doubts of the future, all my disbelief of the past, this instant is undeniable. She appeared to show me the way.

As her sister, she entered my life for a second, only to be ripped from the embrace of my arms far too soon. But this beautiful, impossible child is one who is strong, resilient in ways I may never discover. She will be here someday. I know this to be the absolute, though inconceivable truth. I want to believe.

For all that will be done to me in the future, all that has been done to me in the past, she is incontestable. She is here, on her way. And now, in my heart. And nothing, nothing anyone can say to me or do to me can stop her.

And I know this to be true. For her love for me told me so.

Some day. Some day this girl, this fragile little thing that knows nothing of the horrors I have seen, will be my life. The truth will no longer be found in me, but in the simple, yet complex, sound of her laughter.

And yet, her will, her determination to make her presence known at a time when I am uncertain of what lies ahead is all the proof I need. Proof that this life is the right one for me. As it always has been.

For all the times I have disbelieved things I have not seen, I believe this once. For all the times I have denied all that is outside the realm of science, I cannot deny this once. I do not want to.

At a time when many of my decisions have caused me to stumble, I have found salvation in something beyond the realm of this existence. This is something that I know I will cling to, something that will make me want to survive with a determined stubbornness that had been waning.

This is something that will put a smile on my face as I confront those days when it feels like the world will stop turning on its axis.

As I look to the days ahead, the pictures hang a little more even, the colors seem just a bit brighter. The softly playing music is no longer a sweet, simple melody, but a magnificent, booming concerto. The next day is no longer one to trudge through, but an awaiting adventure. For each day that is complete brings me one day closer to the angelic face that just enlightened my life.

And now, once more, I can hold my head high. Be confident, proud, andstrong. I know the decisions I have made in the past, the very ones that have given me grief, were the right ones for me. And they will, in the end, lead me to this little girl with the big, shining eyes, sunset hair, and infectious smile.

FINIS