Title: Lonely This Christmas
Author: Lizzi W.
Written: July 2001
Feedback: Yes please, and lots of it :) xfreak82517@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13, mild swearing
Archive: Anywhere, but please get permission first
Spoilers: Requiem
Category: S, A
Keywords: UST
Disclaimer: The characters all belong to Chris Carter, Fox, 1013 Productions, yada yada yada, and what a damn shame that is!

Summary: Post- Requiem fic. A pregnant Scully is forced to spend her first Christmas alone after Mulder's disappearance. Will her Christmas wish finally come true?

Website: http://www.geocities.com/xfreak82517/index.html or http://www.geocities.com/spookys_girl2000/index.html

It had been nearly five months since the disappearance of an FBI Agent by the name of Fox Mulder. Christmas was now fast approaching, a time for family reunions, glad tidings and caroling. But somehow, this Christmas didn't seem as special to a one, six months pregnant, Dana Scully, FBI partner to the missing agent.

At the beginning of December, due to her relentless searching for Mulder, she was ordered to take a month's vacation. As much as she wanted to find him, she had to finally admit to herself that it was taking its toll on her.

Her sleep patterns were irregular if existent at all, and her blood pressure was raised dramatically. Not such a good thing considering the condition she was in. She needed to take things easy for a while.

So, with one simple phone call, she had arranged accommodation for the duration of her vacation, away from home. Her mother gratefully welcomed the idea of having her daughter to stay for an extended holiday. It was a great opportunity for them to spend some quality time together, as well as a good excuse for a family reunion over Christmas holidays.

It had been arranged that the family (Bill and his family and Charles and his family) would turn up a few days before Christmas to settle in and leave a few days after Christmas. But when Scully arrived at the beginning of her month's stay, Mrs Scully noticed the deep depression her daughter had fallen into. Nothing seemed to cheer her up.

For the first week, Scully had spent the majority of her time alone in her room. It had taken much persuasion on her mother's behalf to even get her to come downstairs for her meals. Mrs Scully was going to have to do something, and something fast, before her daughter slipped into oblivion. By God was she going to kill Fox when he returned!

In an attempt to uplift her daughter's spirits, Mrs Scully decided that a weekend out of the house might do her some good. So, she announced that they were going to New York City for a spending spree. They were to get all their presents and decorations of the Christmas tree and the house.

Mrs Scully and her daughter were wondering around the Toy department of Bloomingdale's, trying to find the ideal present for Matthew, without much success. It was then Scully came across a Baseball Set, with the icon of an alien inscribe on both the mitt and the ball. Her thoughts suddenly went to Mulder and their unborn child. She had an image of Mulder baseball with their child on a sunny afternoon in the park. She picked it up and placed it in her basket.

"What about Baby Bump? Is Grandma to buy he or she any presents this Christmas?"

"No mom," Scully smiled. "You know you'll spoil baby bump, when baby bump decides to enters this world, so why don't you save the presents for then, okay?"

"Sure sweetheart, I understand," she said exchanging a smile with her daughter. It was the first time in a long while her daughter's face had played host to a smile, and she would cherish this moment.

After finding a stack of toys for Matthew, they headed into the Christmas section of the store. Mrs Scully had already had her real Christmas tree delivered. Now she needed some new decorations with which to garnish the tree. That was to be Scully's job.

Going with the theme of red and gold, she picked out the tinsel, ball balls, bows and some little present ornaments that could be hung from the tree's branches. Mrs Scully meanwhile, was picking out the decorations that would cover the rest of the house.

It had been raining all morning, and there was little to do. The house was fully decorated in tinsel, paper chains and other decorations. So, mother and daughter decided to wrap their presents. Mrs Scully entered the living room with a bag full of bows, gift tags and wrapping paper. Scully followed her with all the presents that had to be wrapped. They worked together to get the job done faster. However, when it came to the last present, Scully insisted on doing it herself.

By the time Scully had finished wrapping the present, placing a ribbon around it and a bow in the corner, Mrs Scully had finished cleaning up the whole miss they had created. Scully wanted this present to be special. After all, it was for a very special person.

Due to the unusual circumstances around her pregnancy, Scully had insisted on having fortnightly scans to make sure her child was developing properly.

Every time she went, she was offered a picture of the scan. And she always took it, as well as an extra copy. She was keeping the extra copies for Mulder, so that he could see the way their child was miraculously growing inside of her.

Rummaging through the box of goodies, she found a hole-punch and some pretty green and red ribbon. From her pocket she took the entire scan pictures she had collected so far, punched a hole in each picture and carefully attached them to the ribbon in order. That way, when he flicked through them, he would be able to see the child's growth. It was much like one of those flick-books where you watch a ball fly into a net or a man's hat blow away.

From her purse, she pulled the fountain pen Mulder had given her for her birthday, earlier that year. She read the inscription on the pen, 'The Truth Is Out There - Spooky'. Tears suddenly sprang to her eyes. She had found that lately the littlest of things would start her off crying. She guessed it was because Mulder was missing on top of her haywire hormones.

Letting out a deep sigh, she began to write a message on the back of the last scan picture. 'Fox, science cannot hold all the answers, all I have seen is testimony to that, and science is not always right, and our child is testimony to that. I love you. WE love you. Merry Christmas Fox! Forever and always, your Dana.'

Charles and his wife Helen, and their two sons Thomas and James arrived two days before Christmas Eve. Bill, Tara and Matthew weren't to arrive until early on Christmas Eve. Everyone quickly settled in, and it was like old times all over again. For a short while, Scully's mood seemed to lighten, but it didn't last long. Mrs Scully had given everyone strict instructions not to mention anything about Mulder.

The evening of Christmas Eve fast approached, and as was Scully tradition everyone prepared for Midnight Mass. Once everyone was ready to leave, Mrs Scully brought out the Christmas stockings.

The Christmas stockings were all identical, made from bright red felt with a white cuff and green ribbons around the top edge. Each had a loop from which they could be hung. And to separate each Christmas stocking, Mrs Scully had sewn each person's initial onto the front in black felt.

Scully received her Christmas stocking and made her way to her room. She entered and hung the stocking on the wardrobe door handle. Her mother entered the room shortly after her. "You'll be needing this one too," she smiled, hanging another Christmas stocking next to Scully's. This one however, had the letter 'F' sewn on to it. "Just have faith Dana."

St Mary'S Catholic Church

Midnight Mass

Father McCue rose and stood before the gathered people. "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord, Amen."

"Amen," chorused the congregation.

Leaving the alter Father McCue went to wish everyone a 'Merry Christmas'.

The Scully family did the same between themselves. However, while all the hugging and well wishing was going on, Scully's attention was drawn to the statue of Jesus on the cross, that hang on the opposite wall. She stared Jesus in the eye, and whispered, "Merry Christmas Mulder, wherever you are."

Scully sat in her own private thoughts for a while, until Bill interrupted her. He explained that he and Tara were taking Matthew home to bed. Matthew had managed to stay awake for the service, but he was now asleep in his father's arms. Charles and his family also decided to return to the house.

Christmas was a hard time for a person when the only one you loved wasn't near. Mrs Scully knew that feeling all too well. She still missed her husband even now, but for some reason, Christmas made it even harder to cope. She hoped that a few minutes in reflection and silent prayer would give her daughter the courage she needed to face the next few days.

Scully rose from her seat and walked over to the prayer corner. After placing a donation in the box provided, she took two candles, lit then and knelt down to pray. For a moment, she gazed longingly at the flickering flame of the candle. Then, lowering her head solemnly, she sent her private thoughts and prayers to God, hoping he would hear and answer them.

Slowly and gracefully, she made the sign of the cross and rose to her feet, somewhat depressed. Her mother wasn't far away, and after realizing her daughter was ready to return home, she walked to her side, and placed a comforting arm around her. She liked it when she got to play mom again. Mrs Scully guided her daughter slowly out of the church.

Matthew was asleep in bed, and it hadn't taken long before Thomas and James had joined him too. With the absence of the children, everyone began to place their gifts under the Christmas tree.

"Well, I think that's all of them," Mrs Scully announced staring in awe at the amount of presents the now lay under the tree.

"I have one more mom," Scully said, handing her special present to her mother. They exchanged smiles, and the gift was placed under the tree with the rest of the family's gift.

Scully was the first of the adults to disappear to bed. However, when she had changed and climbed into bed, sleep evaded her. Instead she lay still in bed staring at the ceiling. It was then she heard footsteps across the landing.

Quietly, she climbed out of bed to see what was going. She could see movement in Matthew's bedroom. Creeping along the way, she stood in the doorway to his room. Fortunately, everything was fine, even more so than fine. Scully found both Bill and Tara filling Matthew's stocking with treats and goodies. Her hand floats unconsciously to her stomach.

Caressing the life that lay inside her, she closed her eyes and saw herself and Mulder doing the exact same thing for their sleeping child. A silent tear fell down her cheek as she hoped with all her heart that Mulder would be there to do those small things, the little things that make life worth living. She prayed that her child would not have to grow up without a father.

Quietly, and unnoticed by Bill or Tara, she made her way back to her room, her lonely room and lonely life. Curling up under the covers, she quietly cried herself to sleep. Mulder was what made her whole. He was her love, her life, her reason for living, and without him, she was slowly dying away inside.

Scully was now asleep. It was 2:01am. Mrs Scully tiptoed into her daughter's room with an armful of goodies and began to fill up both Scully's Christmas stocking as well as the one they had designated as Mulder's. It was then Mrs Scully noticed how her daughter wasn't sleeping so well.

Mrs Scully walked to her daughter's side, and smoothed her cheek. "Shh Dana, shh," she whispered. It was obvious Scully was dreaming when she replied "Mulder." A smile crept onto her face, and the way she called his name was nothing like the way Mrs Scully had heard it in the past few weeks. It now had a ring of happiness, of trust, of compassion and of love.

Scully woke up at 6:30 in the morning, to find herself once again alone, with the only link to her missing half, the life that was growing inside of her. She sat up in bed and spied the two full Christmas stockings hanging from the wardrobe door. For the first time she could remember, she didn't touch her Christmas stocking, but instead turned over and once again began to cry into her pillow.

Scully still sat in bed. She had finally decided to open the fillers in her stockings, but had left Mulder's alone. A small part of her still hoped that he would return to open it himself. But whom was she kidding? She felt both the tears and the anger building up again. She turned over, buried her face in the pillow and began to sob once again, cursing herself for being so weak. She started to take her frustration out on her pillow. Her mother silently slipped into her room.

"Dana sweetheart?" Scully didn't move, but continued to sob and hit the pillow. "Sweetheart, everyone is waiting for you. They want to open the presents, and you know we do that as a family."

She needed to let out her anger, and unfortunately her mother was the one to bare the brunt of it. "May I remind you," she shouted, "that part of my family is missing! Even dead for Christ's sake! And I'm the one who has to cope with that! Do you know how hard it is to grieve for someone who could be alive, or keeping hoping for the return of someone who could be dead, do you? DO YOU?!"

"No Dana, I don't," she replied in a sympathetic, but soothing voice.

On hearing her mother's compassionate voice, she once again dissolved into tears. This time though, the sobs that she let out were the real ones, the ones that hurt the most, and the ones that were so close to her heart.

When the tears subsided, she whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry mom."

"It's okay. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. But you do have your family here to support you, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "Look, give me five minutes, and I'll be down, okay?"


Mrs Scully dried her daughter's eyes, then planted a kiss on her forehead.

Rising, she made her way out of the room, and left her daughter to get prepared to join the rest of the family.

She changed into her clothes, and made her way downstairs. The rest of the family was already sat around the tree. "Okay, now Dana's here we can begin," Mrs Scully said as she started to hand out the presents.

"Okay, onto the last few now. That's one for Bill, one for Matthew, one for Tara, and another one for Matthew," she said as she dealt out the last of the presents.

"What about that one Grandma? Is it another one for me?" Matthew asked, pointing to a lonely present still left under the tree.

"No sweetheart. Santa left that one here by mistake, but Aunty Dana will make sure it goes to the right owner, won't you?"


Scully forced a smile at her nephew, and then at her mother. However, she could feel the tension in her head increasing, and she knew that if she didn't get out of there soon, she would breakdown in tears in front of everyone. And she was not about to let that happen.

"I...er...I'm going to the kitchen, does anyone want anything?" There was a cacophony as people replied with "no, no thanks, I'm fine." She nodded her head, rose to her feet and exited to the kitchen, leaving behind her the happy family.

"I'll be right back," Mrs Scully announced, following her daughter into the kitchen.

Scully stood at the sink as she tried to compose herself, but the more she tried to calm herself, the more she seemed to cry. Mrs Scully watched on from the doorway.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Scully didn't answer and she didn't move. So, Mrs Scully ventured closer to her daughter, and Scully sensed her movements.

Turning around, she sort comfort in her mother's arms once again.

"Oh mom, I've been so stupid," she cried. Her emotions had taken over her for almost the first time in her life, and she could no longer think rationally. "Why did I ever think he'd come back?! Looking at his present in there, I realized that whether he's alive or dead, he's not coming back home!" she sobbed angrily. "What am I gonna do mom? I can't raise a child on my own."

"You've got me. You won't be on your own, I promise. And despite what you say, if Fox is alive, he'll come back. You mark my words young lady. Now," she smiled, "let's dry those tears and go and enjoy the rest of the day with the family. Okay?"

"I'll try."


Mrs Scully and her daughter returned to the other room. Everyone was now indulging in the chocolates that Mrs Scully had bought. However, Matthew for once, was not interested in the chocolates, by the model airplane Santa had brought him.

Scully stood in the doorway and admired the scene before her. It felt comforting to know that some things still stayed the same. Something caught her eye. Out of the window she could see soft snowflakes staying to fall.

Half of her was watching the flakes cover the ground, but the other was hoping that if she looked out of the window long enough, then he would come home, but it wasn't to be.

Her thoughts were interrupted buy the sound of Christmas songs blasting from the CD player. The happy tunes filled the house as everyone laughed and joked with each other. Everyone around her was happy and joyful, so why couldn't she be?

Her mother came and stood by her side, and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Mulder liked...likes the snow," she corrected herself.

"Are you all right sweetheart?" Mrs Scully asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wish I didn't have to be here alone."

"You're not alone."

"You know what I mean mom."

Mrs Scully smiled a sympathetic smile and nodded her head at her daughter.

Mrs Scully stayed there with her daughter watching the snowflakes fall.

'Lonely This Christmas' by MUD began to blast over the speakers. Scully listened intently to the words of the song.

'Try to imagine the house that's not a home, try to imagine a Christmas all alone.'

Scully's right hand rose to her cross and she clasped it in between her fore finger and thumb. Her left hand hugged her stomach.

'That's where I'll be, since you left me, my tears could melt the snow.'

Scully's gaze went from the snow to the lonely present still left under the tree, and then back again to the falling snow. However, this time she couldn't see the snow as the tears that threatened to flow blurred her vision. Silently they began to trickle down her face.

'What can I do without you I've got no place, no place to go?'

"We don't need this depressing music," Bill shouted. "Let's have something more upbeat."

Scully's tears accumulated on her chin, and dropped to the carpet below. Her mother held out her arms, as her daughter fell into them sobbing. Matthew came over to his Aunt to see what was the matter.

"Aunty Dana, why are you crying?"

Pulling back from her mother, she dried her eyes, and bend down so she was the same height as Matthew. "It was just a sad song, that's all. Just a sad song."

Matthew, happy with the explanation went back to playing with his airplane.

After Scully had regained her composure, she found it a little easier to cope with the unfortunate situation she had been placed in. Everyone was sitting in the living room, laughing, singing and enjoying herself.

Their celebrations were interrupted by a knock at the door. Mrs Scully ceased her game with her grandson. Rising to her feet, she excused herself and went to answer the door.

She could see a tall figure standing on the other side of the door. Her hopes rose, but fell as soon as she opened the door. The man that stood before her was bald. It was a man she had come to know as Walter Skinner.

"Merry Christmas Mrs Scully."

"Merry Christmas to you too Walter!" she smiled.

"I'm sorry to intrude like this, but would it be possible to speak with Dana?"

"Why yes of course. Why don't you come in and I'll go and get her."

Skinner welcomed the invitation and stepped into the warm hallway closing the front door behind him. His glasses fogged at the sudden warmth, but soon cleared as they became accustomed to the warmth. As they cleared he saw Scully approach him, followed by Mrs Scully.

"Sir? What are you doing here?" Scully asked confused for his sudden appearance. he only disturbed family occasions if something important had come up or if he had a lead on a case... No, it couldn't be, could it?

Suddenly, an enthusiastic Matthew interrupted them. "Aunty Dana! Grandma!

Look! Look what Santa left me!" he yelled as he ran around now holding a toy gun. He pretended to shoot everyone in sight.

"It's very nice Matthew. That was very nice of Santa" Mrs Scully said, emphasizing the word Santa.

"So, what brings you here?" Scully asked again.

"I've brought you your Christmas present." Matthew gave Skinner a strange look. Mrs Scully sent Skinner a warning glance. "Santa left it at the wrong house," he smiled.

"Again?" Matthew said as he turned and walked away. Quietly he muttered to himself, "Santa's not very clever this year. He keeps getting everything wrong."

"Sorry about that, forgot little ones still believe it that sort of thing."

"It's okay," Mrs Scully replied. "Would you like to come and have some Eggnog with us?"

"Why not." He began to walk with Mrs Scully and she led him into the living room. "Oh, Agent Scully," he said before he rounded the corner, "you'll find your present in my car, it's on the front passenger seat. The car's unlocked."

"Well, aren't you going to get it for me?"

"You're a big girl now Dana, I think you can manage by yourself."

Still a bit confused as to Skinner's unexpected appearance and his insistence that she get her own present, she opened the front door. The cold hit her straight away and she shuddered. Remembering the recently fallen snow, she kept her eyes focused on the ground as she made her way down the icy steps. Once at the bottom, she carefully began to walk down the path.

She gazed up to see in which direction Skinner was parked, and found instead, someone standing by the car with his back to her. A stranger. No, not a strange, but someone she recognized. Someone she knew without doubt.

She froze in mid-step, and raised her hands in prayer formation to her gaping mouth. She closed her eyes praying that what she saw would still be there when she opened her eyes. Her head was telling her it was an illusion, but her heart was convincing her that it wasn't.

But when her eyes did open, the image before her was still there. It was real. He was real. She suddenly felt anger rise in her. Why hadn't Skinner called her earlier, but as she looked at the figure before her, she was overwhelmed with happiness and joy.

"Mulder?" she whispered.

The figure turned around to face her "Scully?," he replied.

She could no longer care about the ice on the path, she only wanted to get to him as quickly as she could, hold him, and never let him go. She raced down the path, and he raced towards her. They met somewhere in the middle.

As they embraced, Mulder picked her up and swung her around. His foot slipped on the ice, and they fell onto the snow, Scully on top of Mulder.

"I missed you Scully," he said gazing into her baby blue eyes. They seemed somehow bluer, and she seemed more radiant than ever. And she felt heavy than he remembered.

"We missed you too Mulder," she smiled as she placed a long awaited kiss on his lips.

"We?" he asked as he got to his feet and pulled Scully up to him.

Smiling, she took his hand in hers, and guided it to her abdomen. As she placed his hand there, the baby began to move as if it knew its father's touch. He or she, began flapping around, arms and legs flying everywhere.

"Whoa up there junior. I know daddy's home but mommy's not a punch bag!"

"You mean...?" he choked out.


He'd never seen Scully smile so widely before. Finally, he had been able to give her the one thing she truly desired, a family. He threw his arms around her and embraced her tightly, no doubt in his mind that the child was his.

Scully could hear him softly crying on her shoulder. He was a happy as she was. God had answered her prayers. She no longer had to spend Christmas alone; her family was complete. And best of all, she didn't have spend the rest of her life alone. She was now complete.

The End

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