Title: Red Seeps In
Category: post episode
Spoilers: The Sixth Extinction Amor Fati
Red Seeps In
Why didn't you kiss her?
I know that it would be Frohike's first question if I told him about it. Hell, it's the question that kept me awake all last night.
Why didn't I kiss her? Why did I let her kiss me on the forehead - I could feel the imprint of her lips still an hour after she left - then just watch her walk away, instead of grabbing her around the waist and kissing her like another man, nearly any other man, would have?
The only excuse I can offer was that I was in shock. Not in physical shock, this time, despite the amateur brain surgery I endured. No, I mean mentally. I was stunned inactive, and could scarcely muster the wits to speak to her. Although she didn't seem to find my words lacking.
Red seeped in.
All my life I'd been intrigued by the idea of red. It was always described in vivid terms, so often described as powerful or alluring... the color of spilled blood, the communist flag, poppies...of course not everything red was painted with such grim connotations. It's also the color of valentine hearts, cardinals, and Santa's famous red suit. But for all I knew about things red, it was an intellectual knowledge, not one I've ever experienced though my own senses.
Some loose connection in my head must have gotten jostled, and realigned. Okay, I know when they claim that problems are caused by "brains being wired differently" they don't actually mean that there's a jumble of wires running through the insides of our skulls, that if only they were resoldered would suddenly work properly. Even the brain of a baton twirler in the idiot parade has a more complex setup in their head than my TV remote control.
But how else do you explain the fact that when I opened my eyes yesterday I finally saw the color of my true love's hair? The Twilight Singers are wrong, because it isn't black, it's definitely red.
How would you tell her that you finally saw her for real for the first time, and she doesn't look any different than you've always imagined those nights you dreamed in a color your eyes couldn't see? You can't. You don't tell her. Words escape you.
You just accept with gratitude, now that red seeps in.
Author's end notes: If you haven't heard the Song "Black Is The Color Of My True Love's Hair" by The Twilight Singers, you should.
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