Title: Unintended
Author: Aenaria
Written: August 2011
Rating: PG-13  
Category: F/M, Gen
Crossover fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The X-Files, Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Ashes to Ashes
Character: Regulus Black, Samantha Mulder

Summary: They were supposed to die. All they wanted was to be at peace finally after their short, but eventful lives. For Regulus Black and Samantha Mulder, things didn't quite work out as they had intended. A Harry Potter/The X-Files crossover, set in a universe defined by Good Omens, Life on Mars, and Ashes to Ashes, and the sequel to "The Consequences of Bloody Manchester" (currently found on ff.net, but will be posted here eventually).

Notes: Finally, this monster is getting posted. I think I've been working on this story for near on five years now. I remember bringing some of the first few pages with me to Lumos 2006, so I know it's been a loooooong time. This is the sequel to Consequences of Bloody Manchester. It doesn't seem quite as cracked to me, but since most of the rules got tossed out the window as I was writing this, Crack!Fic this will be labeled.

I've got to give a lot of thanks to Sopdetly for this one. She was the one who helped me bring this cracked crossover pairing to life all those years ago, and this story wouldn't have gotten off the ground without her. Thanks darling! :)

Spoiler Alert: If you haven't made it through all three seasons of Ashes to Ashes (and want to without being spoiled) I'd wait until you're done to read this fic. While there are no outright spoilers, a major twist will be blown by a character that pops up in here...and really, the sheer nature of this story. So last chance not to be spoiled...

Prologue: Unintended Consequences


“You should be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended...”

- Unintended, Muse


The first time he saw her, the first person he’d seen since he landed in this place forever ago, hunched over in a barren field with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, he thought she was aglow. A child made of starlight, fallen into an indescribable place.

“Where are we?” Regulus asked, sitting down across from her. “Is this heaven?” He knew he had died, dragged under and ripped apart by the walking dead. He hoped they hadn’t figured out, however, the little switch he had pulled with one of the Dark Lord’s horcruxes. It’d serve them right when they did.

She shook her head, a sad and wistful expression on her face. “This isn’t heaven. S’not hell either. Not quite sure where we are.”

Regulus reached over and grasped her hand, making a silent promise.

“What’s that on your arm?” the girl asked him one day. They were walking without aim at this point, tromping across the barren land filled with spindly, thorny dead trees and a lot of grey, dusty soil under their feet.

They noticed other people walking as well, folk muggle, wizard, and some not quite human. Everyone was moving in a displaced daze, trying not to come in contact with the others. They didn’t quite seem to know what they were doing there either.

Regulus pulled his sweater down over the Dark Mark. It hadn’t blazed since that night; in fact, now it just seemed like a powerless tattoo, dull ink jabbed into pale skin. “Nothing,” he eventually said. “Just a remnant of a previous life.”

They found a city eventually, after countless wanderings. Was it weeks, months, years, or maybe just a few minutes? Neither one of them was sure.

Regulus felt the city reminded him of the London he had only seen from a distance, looking out the grimy attic windows of Grimmauld Place on smoggy nights to watch the ekeltric lights glint off of buildings of brick, metal, and glass. Samantha gaped in awe, but could feel a sort of chill in the personality of the nameless city.

They appropriated a large, abandoned apartment in a mirror-glass high rise, with Regulus using magic to furnish rooms for them. The thought of keeping wizardry a secret seemed a moot point here, where all the worlds seemed to blend into a colorless mesh.

On their third day in the flat Samantha stood at the window, looking out over the cityscape. “When I was really little,” she said, her American accent still slightly startling to his ears, “I think I went to New York City. I thought it was the most magical and wonderful place I had ever been. Everything just...hummed with life, you know? This place kind of reminds me of it, but something isn’t right. It’s too quiet.”

Regulus watched as Samantha grew, surprisingly. He’d learned that she’d died when she was fourteen, only a few years younger than he had been when he’d been killed. Her soul was far older though, with something ancient peeking out through her hazel eyes. The physical part of her matured to meet her mind, leaner and more angular, becoming almost as tall as he was. It was nice to be on equal grounds with her in that way. In this lonely place he was extremely glad that he had found her.

“Are you that sure we’re dead?” Samantha asked one night, sprawled out on the couch.

Regulus looked up from his seat on the floor in front of the fireplace. “What makes you say that?”

“I don’t remember dying,” she frowned, flipping over onto her stomach to stare into the flickering orange and red flames. “I remember being in a hospital bed, hearing footsteps coming down the hallway towards my room, and then waking up in that field. I never imagined dying would be like that.”

Regulus turned back to the fire, idly moving his fingers back and forth through the dancing flames. It should have burned him. “I remember full well how I died. It was a bloody mess, pardon the pun. I was torn apart by Inferi.”


“Zombies, basically. I imagine I was nearly unrecognizable by the time they were done.”

Samantha slipped off the couch and crawled behind him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “Not your fault. At least I died knowing I’d done something right in my life for once.”


Chapter One: Unintended Visitors


One day the demons came. From some circle of hell they rose up to the nameless place, sending the residents into a mad scatter. Regulus had a strong hold on Samantha’s hand and dragged her through the streets, searching desperately for some shelter. The demons were fairly merciless, picking off folk at random and dragging them away. They were acting like the kings of their personal playground.

Regulus pushed Samantha into the doorway of a grey building, shielding her with his body. “What’s going on?” she whimpered, clutching at his shirt front.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, turning to peek around the edge of the steps. He felt Samantha grab at his shoulder, a death grip with blunt nails digging into his skin.

Footsteps echoed down the street. A short and squat demon came into view, all wings and scales, although to Regulus’s eyes he seemed like he should be dressed in a trench coat skulking along a back alley somewhere. “Oi, Hastur!” he cried out in a rough voice. “I think ‘e went this way!” The demon looked around and paused, coming to a quick stop as his eyes locked onto Regulus’s.

With every little bit of magic he could dredge up he glared at the demon, clenching his jaw just a bit to add to the effect. The demon simply arched a scaly eyebrow, nodded, and shuffled along. Regulus sighed deeply and turned back to Samantha, pushed up against the granite wall of the vestibule. Her eyes widened suddenly, and she bit her bottom lip hard. “What is it?” he asked.

Samantha reached a shaking hand out, framing his left eye with her thumb and index finger. Then she jerked it back hurriedly as she shook her head. “N-nothing,” she murmured, leaving Regulus a puzzled mess.

For some reason, his eyes were burning.

Another day, Samantha met a young boy who called himself Jason Tencate. “Oh, I know this sad place is only for a little while,” he said, settling down on the curb. “I’m going to go someplace better soon. My mom believes it.”

Samantha smiled softly, marveling at the hope this little boy was still able to hold onto. “Well I’m glad you’ll be leaving here soon. It’s not quite fun.”

Jason nodded. “The starlight spirits told me, when they took me away, they said that I’d be going to a wonderful happy place. Did the starlight spirits take you too?”

“I think so...” Samantha trailed off, remembering the glow in those first few moments in the field.

“Why aren’t you a kid then? I thought the starlight only took the kids. They told me that too,” Jason asked.

“I was a kid when they took me, but I’ve been here so long that I grew up, I guess,” Samantha shrugged, not really wanting to think about the implications of that statement.

“I’m sure you’ll find your place eventually,” Jason said with the conviction that only the young can have. “Someone will get you to that good place.”

That night Samantha burst out into yells, right in the middle of dinner. “Is that why I didn’t die properly? Because some stupid fool thinks I’m still around back there?!”

Regulus shook his head, raising a fork. “Doesn’t that seem a bit illogical to you? How can what someone thinks from your former life affect you now? It just doesn’t make sense.”

Samantha looked down at the table, a few tears dripping out of her eyes. “I just want to rest,” she whispered through salty, wet lips.

Later that night Regulus found her in the bathroom, hacking off her long, dark brown hair with a pair of dull scissors. She didn’t stop until the stringy bunches were lying on the tile floor, and the scraggly ends fell somewhere around her ears and nose, keeping her eyes well hidden.

Regulus found that conjuring things had become much easier since his death. Especially conjurings of the alcoholic sort. When he’d tried it as a young student, everything ended up tasting much like he imagined certain foul potions ingredients would. Now, however, he was able to manifest all sorts of fine wines. He and Samantha decided that they should get righteously pissed one night, so they grabbed a blanket, a few bottles each, and headed up to the roof.

Why the roof? The only answer they could come up with was that it was a change from the flat.

Lying back on the blanket, he knocked back a slug of darkly sweet Shiraz (Leaping Jackalope Vineyards, 1973 vintage, one of the finer wizarding wines out there). He stared up at the cloudy sky, with only a few glimmers of light sneaking through. “You know, Samantha,” he slurred slightly, “me family’s got a tradition of naming their kids after the stars.” Regulus waved a hand towards the firmament limply.

Samantha stole the bottle from him, drinking deeply (he had discovered that she had never drunk before and was throwing herself into the task with the eagerness of a Hogwarts student’s first adventure in firewhiskey). She lay down next to him, her head on his shoulder, and stared up at the dim stars also. “Really? Regulus is the name of a star?”

“Yup. The little king in the leonine constellation. Whole lot of the Blacks, really, are named after those twinkly little things.” His hand waved towards the sky again. “Lessee, we’ve got an Arcturus, an Alphard, Andromeda, Bellatrix that stinking whore.”

“Think you’ve mentioned that before...”

“Prolly. Then there’s Orion; s’was my dad. And can’t forget Andromeda! Ran off to marry a muggleborn, and got blasted off the family tree.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Samantha muttered, burrowing deeper into his shoulder. It had suddenly occurred to Regulus that he had an entirely muggle woman snuggled up against him at the moment, and wasn’t minding it one bit.

“When I was young and stupid I thought it was. I’ve had some changes in view over time though. And that whole killing and torturing thing the Death Eaters fancied? Really not for me. Don’t like to get my hands dirty if I can help it.” The truth of the matter was that he was scared to death of what he was being asked to do by them, especially to people who he finally realized were just like he was, with their own sort of magic he couldn’t even begin to comprehend. He went for the wine again, spilling some over his chin and down his neck. “And then there’s Sirius.” Regulus blinked blearily. “Can’t see his constellation. Always used to be able to find it, but now it’s not there. Nothing in this sky looks right.”

Samantha looked up at the sky also. “Where’s Sirius?”

“A long, long ways away. My bastard of a brother. Stubborn arse, really. Ran away from the family at sixteen and never looked back.” Regulus trailed off thoughtfully. “He always knew what he wanted, though. Knew that the pureblood mania of the Black family wasn’t for him, and stuck to that.” He sighed heavily. “I thought maybe that once I had escaped the Death Eaters for good I could try and catch up with him, make things better between us...didn’t happen though. Sort of knew it wouldn’t; they weren’t going to let me leave alive.”

“I miss my brother too,” Samantha sighed. “I think I had a brother, years back. S’not quite clear. Fuzzy little forest animal. Called him a buttmunch.”


She shrugged, shoulders moving against his arms. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Regulus smiled in the direction of the stars, imaging that he could see Sirius through the clouds. “Brothers are definitely funny creatures.”

The End

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