Title: Three Wishes 2: Little Green Women
Author: JBeanfest
Written: 1996
Rated: R for naughty words, icky things, and a little very mild hanky-panky. Also rated a big "C" for cheesiness. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Disclaimer: Of course, The X-Files and all related aspects belong to Fox, Ten-Thirteen, and my hero Chris Carter. Disney World and all the happiest stuff on Earth belong to Disney. Now, Disney especially, please don't sue me. I am using all of this with the utmost respect, but without permission, and I apologize. No copyright infringement intended.

Summary: "Little Green Women" a sequel to "Three Wishes" by JBeanfest started a long time ago, finished 3/26/96  

I want your *honest* opinion. And by honest, I mean no ass-kissing comments to build my self-esteem, I mean the bottom-line truth. Same goes for all my stories. So, read this, if you dare, then e-mail me. I need your opinion. Don't be afraid of hurting my feelings. Hey ** you don't even have to be polite. I welcome flames. But if you want to say something nice, I would be more than happy to hear that too.  

This is dedicated to the nice people who sent feedback on "Three Wishes."

  J. Edgar Hoover Building
April 7, 6:51 am  

The hollow echo of Mulder's feet against the floor was the only thing that occupied the basement hallway. It was early. He had come to review their new case so when Scully arrived, he'd be ready to debrief her. He liked to be ever-ready so they could dive right into the case. Mulder stopped in front of the door that led to what used to be the copy room and reached for his keys. Their jangle in the lock reverberated from the empty wall behind him. Stifling a yawn, he pushed the door open and let it swing into the darkness. Mulder stepped in. Under his foot, he felt something break accompanied by a heavy <crunch.> He winced. He was not in the mood to see a cockroach. The FBI wouldn't be too happy about it either. The only vermin they allowed into the building was Cancerman and his goons, even if they were more disease-ridden than rats. Mulder looked down to see what he'd crushed, but couldn't quite make it out in the dark. He stepped over to the wall, careful not to step again on whatever happened to be on the floor. After finding the lightswitch, he turned around and froze. His first reaction to the scene revealed to him by the light was awe. He tried to take it all in slowly, telling himself to stay calm, and that maybe he shouldn't have been shocked. The office was completely torn apart. Mulder could hardly see floor beneath the ocean of loose paper. Damn it! He didn't know what to do with himself as he felt the anger start to fester inside him, growing hotter like a volcano getting ready to erupt. This was his work, all of it, tossed around and stepped on as if it didn't mean a thing. He wanted to hit something, but nothing seemed handy. So, he looked to the floor, where everything was anyway. He kicked at an empty file folder. He unloaded on it. sent it hurling through the air, and onto the empty top of his desk.

Fuck *Them.* What was there to look for? He didn't remember finding any good incriminating evidence for a while now. Surely They knew he no longer possessed the digital tape. Mulder had to work hard not to just lose it. Surely it would take days to get everything back in order. Days he didn't have. The papers and files spilled and mocking him from the floor were not the only thing amiss. Across his wall, over his pictures, a message violated the office. "Look out for little green men, Spooky," it read, spelled out in green paint. If this was a joke it sure as hell was not funny. At least it was only an attack on him. He didn't know how many he'd have to kill if they had taken a shot at Scully. It occurred to him then that this little joke had to be taken care of before she arrived. She didn't need to see this. Muttering unpleasant words under his breath, Mulder took the pictures from the wall that were painted.  

"Mulder, what have you done?" Scully stood wide-eyed and frowning in the doorway, hands on her hips. Not half of the mess had been picked off the floor by the time she arrived. At least the green message was removed from the wall. Mulder looked up to his partner.

"Oh, hi Scully. I was just rearranging the office," he said before looking back down to his work. He immediately recognized the file he held in his hands. The Fazio case, Mulder's first encounter with a leprechaun. He smiled at the file, remembering what a hassle it had been getting the marriage annulled and everything, not to mention all the crap thrown at Scully and him from all directions, especially from Skinner. But that was all past, and now there were other things to think about.

"Your interior decorating skills amaze me," Scully quipped, bending down to assist him. She sighed heavily. She didn't even want to know.

They worked without much conversation for hours. Time went by extremely slowly, and Mulder wondered if he wasn't in hell. He realized, though, that if he were in hell, Scully would have the body of Frohike and she'd smell like dead fish.

Their work was interrupted by a quick rap on the door. Scully, closer to the door, answered it.

The young agent in the doorway looked into the office with wide-eyed amazement. Scully tried to move over to block his sight, but the kid was tall enough to see over her head.

"Yes?" she asked, breaking the agent's daze.

"Um, Assistant Director Skinner would like to see both you and Agent Mulder right away," he said distractedly. Scully bid the young man farewell before shutting the door into his still-astonished stare.

"Well, Mulder," Scully said, very unexcited at the prospect of dealing with Skinner about absolutely anything, "lets go."  

Office of A.D. Skinner
10:12 a.m.

Skinner was standing, pacing really, when the two agents walked into his office. He asked them to take a seat, and they complied. The Assistant Director stepped behind his desk, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"You remember Agent Tom Colton," he said. Mulder tensed with the thought of having to work with that jackass again. Neither he nor Scully was happy at hearing that name. "He's been murdered." Skinner finished.

The agents exchanged a quick glance. Neither knew exactly what to think. Were they suspects? Why did Skinner call on them? They tensely waited for Skinner to continue.

"You are to join the investigation. There is already a team in Florida, and you are to work parallel to them. You will be leaving for Orlando in two hours. Here's what we have so far. That will be all." Skinner slid a folder across the desk in Mulder's direction. The agents exchanged another astonished look as they left Skinner's office. Colton? Dead? Was this an X-File? They would soon find out.  

Disney World, Orlando Florida
April 7, 3:19 p.m.  

Mulder had never been to Disney World before. After Samantha disappeared, he'd never really felt the need to go. But here he was, now, standing next to the Dumbo ride, the flying elephants idle and deserted, decorated with yellow crime tape. And covered in blood.

The pictures of the crime scene that had been in Skinner's folder were quite graphic. Scully had a very hard time looking at them on the plane ride. They showed, in stark black-and-white realism, a very naked Tom Colton, castrated and hung by his necktie from one of the flying Dumbos' trunks, his eyes bulging out of his head, the terror-soaked expression frozen on his fat little face. In all truth, Scully had never wanted to see her former colleague, and yes, friend, like this, and it had been tough to glance over the photos and not remember that this victim was a person, and not just a lifeless corpse.

The limply-hung form of Tom Colton was far gone from the children's ride when Mulder and Scully arrived. The crime scene was, however, still crawling with local police and federal agents. The case was already pretty high-profile. Tourists, at least most of them, do not appreciate the spectacle of a dead, neutered man decorating one of the kiddy rides.

Mulder turned his attention to the base of the ride under where Colton's figure had hung. There, spelled in blood, was this limerick.  

One wish, two wishes, and wish number three
Someone had the coin and it was he
I had him tricked
I cut off his dick
Because no one fucks around with me.  

Mulder winced. He remembered the first leprechaun, the coin, the cute little rhymes. That leprechaun wasn't nearly so violent and vulgar, however. Whatever Colton had done, he really succeeded in pissing this little green guy off.

"Hey, Scully, look at this," he called. As Scully walked over it occurred to Mulder what must have happened. Colton must have been the one who ransacked the office. While he was doing that, he came across the coin, and well, the rest... was history.

"Mulder," she said, after reading the bloody note. He knew she was thinking the same thing he was, but that she would deny that their little green friend was back.

"Scully, I think it's obvious. The leprechaun is back."

"Back from where, Mulder? The so-called "leprechaun" is dead." She started to walk away from the scene, he followed, a little worried. Skinner should have spared her this. He knew she had known Colton on a fairly personal basis.

"There could be more than one," he said, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and sighed.

"Mulder, there is still no evidence that who we encountered back in Las Vegas was a leprechaun," she put up a hand to keep him from protesting, "for all we could tell, it was just a man with a height problem and a severe allergic reaction to clover,"

"Listen to yourself, that explanation sounds even less plausible than the notion that it was a leprechaun. And, *Mrs. Mulder,* how would you explain the spell he put on us?"

Scully sighed. She *hated* when he called her "Mrs. Mulder."

"This is not a leprechaun," she started walking away again. Mulder let her go. He realized how difficult it was for Scully to be here at the scene of Colton's untimely death. And even if she was fine and dandy, Mulder could never prove his leprechaun theory. Because whether it was the leprechaun they'd encountered in Vegas or another leprechaun, he was long gone. He had the coin back; there was no reason to stick around.

  The Holiday Inn (with the really annoying raccoon in the lobby)
April 7, 11:11 p.m.  

Mulder stood on the balcony and observed the pool below. Although this was a family hotel, the late hour had driven all the little kids inside and to bed. The only ones remaining in the pool were an elderly couple, and one very shapely, very blonde, very beautiful woman wearing a very red, very string bikini. Mulder could not help but wonder how nice his red Speedos would look next to that. Lucky he brought them with, and what a coincidence that he needed a workout, now at this late hour. He ducked back inside his hotel room, grinning. But once inside, he grew a little hesitant. Ever since Bambi, and then that little mistake with Agent White, he'd been just a little reluctant to pursue relationships around Scully. You would think they were still married by the way she got all exited and protective over him. Mulder stood, Speedos in hand, chewing his lip. He did not want to upset Scully further, but then again, his videos just were not enough. Well, if Scully found him, he could always plead innocence. Mulder kicked off his shoes.  

The shadows were thick in the bushes surrounding the pool fence. The light from the pool area did not reach far into the depths of the night. "Lucky for me," whispered the short woman, whose green dress and jacket blended with the fronds surrounding her. There were a lot of hiding places here: bushes, hallways and buildings, all with spaces hidden in darkness that one of the little people could fit into with ease. This place among the plants was the best, however, because from here, she could see Mulder on his balcony, and never would he suspect she was watching.

She had come to Florida with a man called Colton, thinking the fat little moron was the one who had killed her fiancee and stolen one of his very precious golden coins. It was not until Colton was hanging from the trunk of Dumbo that she learned the truth. It's amazing how much people will tell you when you have a Ginsu pressed against their little balls. It's also amazing how a whole herd of Brazilian tourists can pass you by, and not even notice that you are magically hanging a person with his necktie. Aah, but there really was no time now to dwell upon the past. Mulder was the one, Colton had said, that brought the coin from Vegas to DC. He was the one responsible for the death of her man. Well, well, well. Mulder would have to pay. He would be much easier to get than Colton, too. Instead of sniffing out the coin and going to Colton, she had the pleasure of having Mulder come right to her.

He stood on the balcony, practically panting over the young woman doing laps in that cinnamon-flavored dental floss she considered a bathing suit. Well, the female leprechaun could practically read his thoughts. *Men, they all want the same thing, be they human or leprechaun,* she thought. When he turned inside, grinning like a tiger with a bunny under it's paws, her hopes were confirmed. All she had to do was get rid of those losers in the pool before that dog Mulder got downstairs, and he'd be hers.

"Ahem," she cleared her throat, happy that the spell did indeed make it seem like her voice was coming from a PA system, "the pool is now closed. Please come to the poolside bar for free drinks. Have a nice evening."

It was all she could do to stop herself from dancing a jig when the three swimmers picked up and left, wrapping themselves in towels. All three headed for the bar, which wasn't really poolside, but just outside the fence. Lucky for her that the three of them were lushes as well as idiots. *That's humans for you,* she thought. But now came the tough part. She closed her eyes and sat down on the woodchips beneath the plants. With all her might, the leprechaun called her magical powers to her. The thin tang of the air on her skin was replaced by a warm, powerful glow for a moment. When it was done, she stood, now six feet tall, human, and sexier than that bimbo who'd left would ever be. She stepped into the light, shaking loose leaves from her hair. The only problem with the spell was that her hair refused to change to blond. Instead, it kept it's natural leprechaun redness. *All the better,* she then thought, remembering seeing Mulder earlier with his redheaded partner, remembering how he'd looked at her. *It just gets easier and easier.* She slipped into the pool. The water was very cold. She scowled.

Maybe Mulder wouldn't want to swim, now. No... A smile budded and blossomed on the leprechaun's face. Now she would have a very legitimate excuse to lure that human bastard into the hot tub. It was more secluded than the pool, therefore, it would be much easier to kill him quietly there. What a good day! Wow!

She started swimming around slowly, waiting. After a few minutes, she heard a door up above the pool open and close. She glanced up and saw Mulder walking towards the elevators, body glistening in the artificial light. He was a pretty good looking human. Too bad she wasn't really one of "those kind" of leprechauns. Some of her kind could lust after, and even fall in love with men and women. Not her. They were so big and clumsy, and they had no minds for limericks, and absolutely no skill with magic. She preferred killing them to having sexual relations with them. But if doing both increased their suffering, she wouldn't hesitate.

He pretended not to notice her right away; didn't want to seem overly anxious. Instead, he stood on the concrete around the pool for a minute and looked around, set down his towel. The leprechaun was surprised he didn't start flexing and showing off, as if those Speedos made him into God's gift to women. He finally eased himself into the pool, the water welcoming him with barely a ripple. She did have to admit, he was graceful as he slipped easily into the cool water. Right away, he started a lap. She wondered if he planned to "accidentally" bump into her. She didn't put it past him; humans often did stuff like that. Well, she decided to make it easy for him, whether that was his plan or not. Purposefully, she swam right into his path.

Mulder came up with a gasp. His hair and eyebrows were darkened with the water glistening off them. Now, close to him, the leprechaun examined his face. He was better looking than she had thought. Somehow, that made the prospect of killing him all the more exciting.  

The woman was suddenly in his path, and Mulder couldn't stop. He tried, but their bodies collided, the flesh on flesh instantly exciting him. He pushed his head above water, to come face to face with the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

"Are you all right?" Mulder asked, daring to reach out and touch the woman's shoulder. The slick skin was soft underneath his gentle hand. The beautiful woman looked up at him with the most amazingly emerald green eyes.

"Yeah, how about you, handsome?"

"Me? I'm fine,"

"I'm sorry I ran into you. I guess I didn't see you there. What's your name?"


"Ooh, Fox. What a," she paused to lick her lips with all the sensuality she could find, " what a sexy name." God, she hoped she wasn't laying it on *too* thick. He blushed.

"What's your name?" he asked. He sounded like a twelve year old kid calling a chick for the first time.

"Lois," she purred, running her fingertips lightly across his naked chest. "It's a little chilly here, Fox. Would you join me in the hot tub?" He looked at her with wide, dark eyes, a devilish smile beginning to form on his wet lips. Boy, this guy was easy to get. He was as excitable as Pee-Wee Herman in line for the movies. She should have just went to his hotel room and knocked on the door and asked, "Hi, can we have sex?"

"Now that you mention it, it is a little chilly," he said, grinning like a cat. He dutifully followed his newfound friend towards the little path that led through the foliage to the hot tub.

Scully didn't even want to think about sleep. She knew images of Tom Colton would be dancing through her head all night. Colton and the leprechaun. Nothing, so far could erase the black-and-white photos from her mind. She had tried reading a novel, watching TV, catching up on old paperwork. She even found herself examining the picture hung over the bed entitled "Death of a Mauve Bat." Everywhere she turned, though, a word, such as "bastard" or "filthy little toad" would pop up and remind her of Tom. She sighed. Maybe going next door to Mulder's room under the pretense of discussing the case would get her mind off the dead, dangling body of Tom Colton.  

Scully knocked a few times and then slipped through the connecting door into Mulder's room. It was deserted. The TV was still on, tuned to CNN. Scully went to turn it off, and noticed Mulder's clothes in a heap on the floor. *Well,* she thought, *maybe he went swimming.* Well, now that she was up, she might as well go talk to him down by the pool. It was a nice, warm night and the Florida air would be good for her. She started for the pool.  

All was silence as she quietly stepped across the concrete. The blue glowing water of the pool sat, unrippled. Damn! Now she had to go back to her room, alone to the waiting ghost of Colton. She was about to turn and head back, when a spot of red on the concrete near the path to the hot tub caught her eye. A pool of blood...

"Mulder," she called softly. Maybe the leprechaun had lured them here to get revenge... Scully pulled her gun and walked slowly along the pool's edge. Her stomach slid deeper and deeper down inside of her as she tried not to imagine Mulder in Colton's place, naked and butchered, a message to her written in her partner's blood... She approached the bloodstain slowly, listening and looking for any signs of Mulder, or anything that might be waiting for her in the shadows. She came to the dark red spot, and froze. What if Mulder had been right and the leprechaun was back? What if it was now too late?

She bent to examine the dark red spot on the concrete. She wondered if he had lost more than what was there in front of her. If not, there was hope, but if so...

*Wait a minute,* she thought.

It was not blood that marred the surface of the concrete, but a water-soaked pair of red Speedos.

Scully, against her better judgment, continued, gun still drawn. At the end of the path, a wave of regret came and just about knocked her over. There, alone, and naked, in the hot tub, sat Mulder and a shapely red-headed bimbette. They were all over eachother, necking like teenagers. He was moaning softly, a sickening, heart-wrenching sound. Scully could do nothing but stare. Mulder, as he reached with his tongue for the girl's ear, finally noticed her, standing there stunned.

"Scully!" He choked. She felt herself turning the color of, you guessed it, his Speedos.

"I... I'm sorry," she said, turning on her heel and pounding away. Oh, shit, that was not good. She should have left before he noticed her. She always somehow knew that she'd see Mulder naked in a social situation, but not like this. Now she had embarrassed him when it was all to obviously none of her business anyway. She walked away, ignoring his calls. *Stupid, stupid!* She thought, *here I go again, spoiling his chance for at least a glimmer of a normal life.*  

The naked, dripping Mulder struggled with his Speedos, extremely grateful no one was around except Lois, stunned back in the hot tub, and Scully storming away ahead of him. He had wanted to just let her go... but this case, with Colton looked like it was pretty hard on her, and he worried about her. Not only that, but this kind of thing had happened all too often lately, and Mulder had to deal with a very hurt and pissed-off Scully for weeks afterward. With Lois, it wouldn't even have lasted the whole night. So Mulder weighed his options, and took off after Scully, even if he did have his Speedos on backwards.

"Lois" watched all from the side of the hot tub. She stared longingly at Mulder's firm little butt flexing as he struggled into his little swimming suit and then his long legs working hard to catch up to Scully. They stopped and started to talk, unfortunately, not loud enough for Lois to hear. She was mad! One more minute, and Mulder would have been hers. Two more minutes, and he would have been stone-cold dead. Hmmpf! Something had happened in that hot tub, though. Lois knew she was probably vulnerable from the death of her husband-to-be, and that left a hole in her. She though Mulder could fill that hole. He took her man, so she might as well take him. Fair's fair. He was all she wanted... he was alive, and he was a man. Who cares if he was four feet taller than she was in her original state. She *wanted* him. And to get him, she'd have to kill Scully, and that would prove to be quite some fun.   Scully's Hotel Room Minutes Later  

"Go, Mulder. I'm sorry. It's none of my business what you do,"

"Scully. . ."

"Really. Go." She shut the door in his face, gently, so he wouldn't think she was mad. Even though she was. She locked the connecting door and ripped off her own clothes. Hurriedly, she slipped into pajamas and got ready for bed. Sleep was the only thing that could erase all she'd seen that day. Scully fell into bed, angry with Mulder and herself. Angry at Mulder, because he should not have went *again* and played around when he was supposed to be concentrating on work. Angry at herself because Mulder was not her problem, and she should have left him alone.

She should have stopped when she saw his Speedos; she should have seen it coming. It was quite obvious that Mulder was on the prowl for "other women." Other women. Scully snorted at herself. Mulder was not hers, and she wasn't his. They were partners, and only partners. It was his business, and only his business who he chose to spend the nights with. Scully sighed. She knew the reasons at the root of all of her concerns, but would not, could not let them surface. They were feelings she was not allowed to have. Instead, she buried her face in the pillow and tried her hardest to just forget.  

Mulder searched the pool area, the hot tub, and the bar, but Lois was long gone.

"Lois" waited until well after midnight to put her new plan to work. Her human-spell had only a short time left to it when she quietly rapped at Agent Scully's hotel room door. She had conjured up some clothes for herself, and also shed some fake tears. She was ready.

Scully looked like hell. She opened the door a crack and whispered in a venomous hiss,

"Wrong room, sweetheart,"

"No, Agent Scully," Lois stammered through sobs, "I need your help." Scully opened the door and let Lois in. *Humans are so gullible,* she thought.

"What is it?" Scully spat in her sleep-thickened voice.

"Agent Mulder is in trouble, come on, we have to hurry. . ." She sobbed. *God, I'm good,* she told herself as she led Agent Scully to the deserted maid's storage closet.

"Where is he?" Scully's voice was urgent. "What happened?"

Lois cleared her throat. She felt herself start to shrink, her body reform. She picked up the object closest to her, a little vial of hotel shampoo.

"My man was little and cunning and green

He was the sexiest leprechaun you ever seen

But then you came

And killed him in shame

So I'm taking Mulder, just to be mean!"

With these words, the leprechaun, now standing on a counter, slammed the plastic shampoo bottle down on Scully's head. She slumped to the floor, unconscious. Laughing a high-pitched devil's laugh, the leprechaun grabbed a couple towels and started tying Scully up.  

The Holiday Inn
April 8, 7:22 a.m.  

Mulder was a little alarmed. The door to Scully's hotel room stood open and she was absolutely nowhere to be found. He hoped she wasn't too mad at him. A mad Scully was harder to deal with than a mad Skinner, or a mad Cancerman any day. She was ruthless. He sighed. What to do? He could wait around, but what if she was in trouble? He decided to see if their rental was still in the lot.

The Florida air was thick with the distant smell of rain. The clouds were one, long grey slab, covering everything. Mulder hoped it wouldn't rain. He wanted the weather to stay nice. He wanted to swim again.

The car was not there. The space where it had been was far from empty, however. Written out in towels was this message:

Agent Scully had a little fall
911 I did not want to call
So I took her with me
So both of you can see
It's a small world after all.

*Disney World!* Mulder thought, running as fast as he could around to the front of the building. There, a family was just getting out of a pink Lincoln Continental. Mulder reached for his credentials.

"FBI!" He shouted, "I'm commandeering this vehicle!"

"Wait, why?" A flustered father asked. Mulder did not have to explain, but he had to say something.

"FBI business; I need to get to Disney World!"

The father held out the keys.

"Why don't you just take the shuttle?" Asked the wife bitterly. Mulder ignored her, snatched the keys and jumped into the luxury car. The tires screamed as he took off for Disney World, hoping to god he was not too late.  

Scully found herself trapped in the "Its a Small World" ride back in Disney World. She tried to scream through the gag the leprechaun had made out of a shower cap back at the hotel. It was useless. No one would hear her over the incessant singing of the million animatronic annoyances that stared down at her from either side of the river. Scully had been lucid for a full five hours now, and all of those hours had been spent tied up on the bottom of a little boat as it made its way through hell again and again.

"It's a small world after all... it's a small world after all. . ." over and over and over and it was worse than Chinese water torture. *Kill me like you did to Colton, please,* she had mumbled through the gag at the leprechaun last time she had seen the little green rascal. That was hours ago as well, and what had once been "Lois" had just laughed, green eyes glowing.

"It's a world of hope, It's a world of fears. . ." the song went on and on and on and on and on, and it ate at her sanity. The mocking robotic faces sneered and taunted her as the boat traveled slowly along it's course. *God save me,* Scully thought, horrified. The park was still closed because of the murder of Colton. It would be days before anyone tended to this ride, and by then, she'd be ready for a nice straightjacket, and it wouldn't matter if the leprechaun had Mulder as a husband or not. Scully could still see the little vile face as the leprechaun dreamily explained her master plan. "Fox and I will fall hopelessly in love. (Hopeless for him, that is.) He'll buy me a house on a potato farm on the other side o' the rainbow, and a neon-green Lamborghini, and he'll be father to my litter. . ."

Oh, God. A litter. Scully knew she had to escape, but that little green wench tied the binds tight. Scully lay on the gum-littered floor of the little boat and struggled against the ropes. She could feel the music like fingers reaching in and poking at her brain in time with the rhythm of the music. Scully knew that if she did not free herself, that the music would indeed take over her mind. Gritting her teeth, Scully lashed out with her last sane breath, trying to free herself. The towels dug into her skin as she pushed out against them, but she could not break free.  

"It's a small world after all. . ."

The leprechaun came back an hour later. She stopped the boat, but not the music. Instead, she sang along. The animated people on all sides kept up their motions as well. This was where her plan came to it's end. Lois the leprechaun looked over to where small group of animatronic kids were flying kites. Their hand motions, as they directed their kites were quite like the motion of stabbing. To one animated arm, the leprechaun tied a pencil, because she just did not have a knife. Anyway, she was sure it would work. Her now late husband-to-be had often told the tale of how he'd killed a man with something as blunt as a a pogo stick.

After tying the pencil securely in place, the leprechaun waited for the boat to come around. It was oh-so-painfully slow. But at last it made it's way around the bend. It is a small world, after all. As the boat sailed closer, Lois caught the stupefied half-crazed glaze in Scully's eyes.

"It's a small world... " Scully sang in a happy little whisper through the shower-cap-gag.

"Okay, great. This won't hurt a bit," Lois said as she magically lifted Scully's body and placed it next to her in the field of kite flyers. She didn't put Scully under the pencil quite yet, she needed to make sure first, that she'd stolen Scully's mind. "Scully?" She crowed.

Scully did not look at her. She just sang in a whisper. It was better than Lois had first thought. Scully was dead to the world, however small it may be. Lois raised her arms and began commanding Scully's body towards the pencil. It drifted through the air and landed nicely, Scully's heart right underneath the glistening lead. The cute little animatron raised it's arm in joy, sending the kite up. Then with a squeal of metal on metal, the arm came down.

The first time the pencil hit her flesh, just above her left breast, Scully laughed as if it were just another part of the ride. It went through her shirt but did not break skin. Not yet. Lois turned to go to the control room, and turn up the speed, and thus increase the stabbing power of the happy little kite flyer.

She walked through the forest of grinning lifeless figures, but had gone only fifteen feet when Fox stepped in her path.

"Where is she?" Mulder growled.

"Who are you talking about, Foxy? Come on, baby, let's make love right here, with all these mechanical little eyes watching... you can be on top... " the leprechaun purred in her sleaziest Lois voice.

Mulder stepped forward. "Lois" opened her arms to greet Mulder. He decided to humor her, not knowing that once a female leprechaun kisses you in her natural form, you belong to her forever. Luckily, that was no problem, because as the girly leprechaun puckered up, Mulder kicked her, sending her reeling.

The green "water" in the ride, which has not been changed since 1971, and has never been water, seethed beneath the off-balance leprechaun. She struggled for footing, never having a chance. As Mulder watched in horror, leprechaun flesh hit green liquid. The stuff began to hiss and boil as Lois was eaten alive. Her features bubbled and boiled away in the foul green sludge. She tried to scream, but no sound could be heard over the song drilling into their minds.  

Mulder ran along through the freaky lifeless robots. Scully was still humming along to the music when he got to her side. Mulder ripped the pencil from the kite flyer's hand, and knelt next to Scully. She continued her humming, her glazed green eyes stared past him, to a world that was not there. Mulder hesitated for a second, and then scooped his partner into his arms. Tripping through the mob of singing metal, he headed to the exit.

Once out in the rain, Mulder began releasing the dirty towel binds. He ripped the spitty shower cap out of Scully's mouth. She kept up her low, eerie singing.

"Scully, it's me, Mulder, Scully, answer me," he pleaded.

She just stared at the bleak sky and sang. "It's a small world after all. . ."

Mulder took her face between his shaking hands, directed her eyes to him. She didn't even blink.

"Scully, please, Scully, snap out of it," he called, voice on the verge of breaking. Scully did not respond. Her sweet voice continued spewing the filthy song over and over. Mulder shook her, trying to do something ** anything. e couldn't bear living knowing she was... like this.

Mulder then looked to the pencil injury. After repeated rhythmic stabbing, it had drawn blood. Gingerly, Mulder pulled the collar of Scully's shirt down to look at the wound. He breathed a sigh of relief as his fingers revealed it was quite small, and only trickling blood. He carefully tried wiping some of the blood away, as tears ventured into his eyes. What if she never snapped out of it? What if she sang that horrible, brain-sucking tune for the rest of her life?

"It's a small world," she sang, "It's a small, small world. Mulder, get your hand off of my breast!" She sat up, tugging her shirt back into place with one hand and slapping Mulder with the other. She was suddenly sorry for doing so, then, because she remembered what had been going on. And to think Mulder's caress of her breast had been what snapped her out of it...

He reeled from the stinging slap, but then took his partner in a light embrace. And, to his surprise, she returned it.

"Are you okay?" he asked, pulling gently free.

"I. . I think so. What about...what about Lois?"


"She was the leprechaun. A shape-shifting leprechaun. . ." she said aloud, a little of the delirium tugging at her mind. While sane, she would have never voiced it.

"She's dead," Mulder said, not sure if Scully was in her right mind.

"Good," she said quietly. Mulder stood, and then reached down to help his partner to her feet. the rain started coming down faster, and they ran side-by side, Mulder's hand guiding the still-unsteady Scully along on the small of her back. They reached another one of the buildings, and ducked inside.

"Scully, are you sure you're okay?" he asked, after watching her zone out a little while. He hated the marble look her eyes took on.

"Hmm? Yeah," she said. Ever since they'd ducked into the little restaurant, he could tell she was bothered by something. As he'd called for some backup, to look for whatever existed of the leprechaun's body, she'd just sat at a table and tapped out a rhythm to the tune of that hateful song. He'd walked over to her and tenderly stopped her hand. She didn't even seem to notice she was doing it. She'd had that look in her eyes then. Who knows if it could return to steal her back into her own small world?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said, her voice hard. It was a definite and-that-is-that Scully voice. Thank god.

"Alright." He mumbled, sitting in the booth, across from her.

"There's just one thing," she said. Immediately, Mulder worried.


"We still haven't had our three wishes," she said, smiling. Mulder sighed. He knew she was gonna be okay.  

The End

PS. I do not mean to badmouth Disney World. It rocks!! Well, its just that the "Its a Small World" ride is a little annoying...

  Come on and E-mail me now. What did you think? I know it wasn't as good as "Three Wishes," but what did you think anyway? Would you like to see another leprechaun story? Or would you rather have me dump my computer off the edge of the world? I'm ready and waiting for *all* comments here at JBeanfest@aol.com   ". . .bagpipers and leprechauns... hip-twitching Polynesians, surfers, and even dolphins ** sing and dance to a melody that will run through your head for hours after you float out of their wonderland."

From a paragraph describing the "It's a Small World" ride in Disney World in a 1987 guidebook. Seriously!

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