Title: Self-Inflicted
Author: Xmeg
Written: 11/16/97
Short poem-story: VA shipper-y, but not enough to make the noromos gag.
No real spoilers. No violence. Just an Overdramatic overdose of angst. Oh well. Safe for kiddies. Although I don't know why they'd want to read it. Disclaimer: The characters in here, as dear to me as they are, do Not belong to me. i am in too much of a pouty mood to bother saying more. we already know who they belong to. archive anywhere- i'd be flattered. let me know the good news.

Summary: Mulder, guilty-conscience abound, has another nightmare.

This is second in what will hopefully be more than two stories- I already have the next rattling around in my head- this is the first I've written since Colors.. it's short too- drop me a note. One word is good enough, although a complete sentence would make me practically giddy. Let me know that there are more ppl out there reading this than I can count on one hand. Please. I'd even be happy if you didn't like it. But as far as I've been able to tell, I'd have to guess that about 10 people read Colors. (not counting the friends I dcc'd it to) Okay, I guess I'll have to get through the technicalities. For most of you, this means Scroll Down.

Please keep your arms inside the car at all times, and no smoking, please.


Mulder's apartment Early morning

You came to me in a dream just a moment ago in the nightmares that are my sleep the moon was huge and white against a black starless sky a gust of winter wind washed over my pale body i breathed in the scent of dying leaves and of a dying fire autumn infused and flowed with chilled blood through my veins and stubborn heart there was no memory, but still the feeling that music had been playing here drums beaten on feverishly and pipes wailing high on the breeze the ground beneath me still thrummed from the trampling of thousands of feet Pounding, pulsing with life in a timeless dance And i could feel it fading slowly (like your scent from my clothes) from the still frozen night when you came you were there suddenly, sliding warm, like a sigh into my arms your appearance didn't surprise me it was more like the void of the winter night was Leaving but even as we clung to each other i felt your body grow cold and saw tears freeze on your cheeks Your heartbeat, which had been pounding in my ears Holding steady the rhythm of my pulse, my breath It began to fade, grew sluggish and the air thickened, as did time when She came as suddenly as you had but her arrival stunned me even the wind fell silent with her presence Her face was stone Eyes overpowering even the moon And she lifted her arms arms of an eight-year old You lifted your face to look at me and your eyes shined silver You opened your arms and drifted out of my embrace the air was torn from my lungs chilled blood thrashed in its race inside me screaming for escape as i felt your own pulse fall still and cold from my touch You moved from me and into the arms of the child your gazes burned through me sent my knees to the ground Onto frozen grass i fell my soul torn open in plain sight

-you failed me-

Your thoughts and Hers clear as the air

-you failed me-

a tortured keening moan found its way from my throat and died in the cold no cloud of breath to accompany it Your eyes fluttered closed as you looked up to the sky and she drew you away Into the blackness of the wood

-i failed you-

my heart continued to lie silent and all that remained of the moment of the simple gestures that marked the death of my soul was the sound of my passing reborn in my lifeless body and rising from my throat this cry which was familiar somehow rose and flew in the wind flooding the sky and what woke me just now was the sudden certainty that you could hear me

-you failed me-

I bolted upright, frozen, sweating My body silver, bathed in the harsh glow Of the moon

-i failed you-

I jerked so violently I think I rose a foot above the couch. The second time the phone trilled I was a little more prepared.


hey- i'm here. waiting, hoping. let me know what you thought, please.

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