Title: Raising Arizona
Written: December 1995
Disclaimer: The ownership of this short is divided as follows:
30% credit goes to CC, 10/13 productions and FOX.
30% plot goes to someone I know who described an event he really experienced, which I've woven into the story
10% inspiration comes from Edgar Allen Poe's poem "Eldorado"
10% is dedicated to the Duchovniks and their "What would you buy Mulder and Scully for Christmas?" discussion. (Hi guys!)
20% belongs solely to my diseased brain. Thank you, thank you. (Though this is different from what I usually write.)
Well I'm leaving on holidays for a couple weeks the day after tomorrow so I'm posting this now. Please forgive format problems and speeling erorz :-) Have a very merry X-mas!
"So, where you two headed?" The ancient machine clanged as the shopkeeper rang in their purchases.
"Yuma." He turned and looked towards the petite redhead bending beside a display of sunglasses at the back of the shop. She smiled in acknowledgement and then returned to browsing. "Hey Scully."
"What do you think?" He lifted a t-shirt off a rack near the register. She squinted from her vantage point at the design. Two skeletons in shades and straw hats reclined in chairs, a bright yellow Arizona sun shining in glitter above them. A speech bubble near the left skeleton's head read *Hey, but it's a dry heat.*
"Ha ha Mulder. Are you going to pack it beside the *My partner was abducted by aliens and all I got was this lousy t-shirt* one you bought in Albuquerque?"
"No way! That one's got a spot in the trophy case."
"Since when do you have a trophy case?"
"Since as soon as I clear all the videos off it." He could have sworn she blushed ever so slightly.
"So I guess your nights are going to be busy for the next few weeks, huh?" He made a face at her. "Hey, didn't somebody ever tell you that if you kept doing that your face would freeze that way?" Mulder leaned towards the elderly shopkeeper over the wide countertop.
"Here, put this on the bill too." He handed over the shirt.
"And these." Scully walked up to the register stuck a pair of dark round shades into the paper bag.
"I have to buy you those too?"
"Hey, I've been paying for gas the last fifty miles. The glare off that beat up truck you rented is going to blind me."
"It has lots of leg room, more than those Honda Civics we rent on stakeouts" Mulder pulled a few bills out of his wallet. "and heavy duty shocks." Scully arched an eyebrow and met his eyes good humouredly.
"So I'm driving again?"
"Unless you'd rather switch shifts." She walked out the shop door into the sun.
"You're a lucky man." The elderly shopkeeper winked at him, handing him his change. Mulder nodded, not bothering to correct what he was probably thinking. He watched his partner leaning against the doorframe marvelling again how different she looked without the business suit and pumps, totally natural in cutoffs, a loose shirt tied in a knot above her belt buckle and Reeboks. *Yes sir, very lucky.*
Scully looked up as her partner approached.
"Here let me help you with that." She took one of the paper bags off his arms, hefting it in one hand while fishing in her pocket for the rental's keys with the other.
"Wow, you been working out?"
"Hardly. Did you get everything we need?" Fox mentally tallied the remains in his wallet.
"Should be. Man alive, camping equiptment is expensive."
"Serves you right for leaving all of yours at home." Mulder grimaced. They'd both agreed to bring some of the supplies for this little excursion but he'd been in a rush that morning and had unwittingly forgotten everything he was supposed to bring beside the front door of his apartment. At least Scully had come through with the sleeping bags and a tent. When he'd asked, she'd muttered something about "highschool camping trips." *Co-ed Scully? I never thought you had it in you,* *If you can coun't Kev and Bill Jr as co- ed.*
Mulder snapped out of his daydream in time to Scully lift both bags into the back of the truck.
"Lookin' buff Scully."
"Just get in the truck wiseguy."
"I'm serious." He pulled open the passenger side door grinning wildly.
"I'm sure you are."
"Okay, remind me again why I'm driving in the middle of the desert chas... Mulder get your head back inside the window!"
"Aww, loosen up Scully." And he promptly did so again. Dana wondered how someone with a PhD could be so childish. Then suddenly on the spur of the moment *Oh what the hell* she stuck her head out of the window too.
"Scully what are you doing? You're driving!" He frantically reached for her. She rolled up her window and grinned at him.
"Turnabout is fairplay."
"I hate you."
"You love me."
"I do." She froze briefly, contemplating his words. He stared back at her placidly.
"I love you too, partner." They both smiled. "Couldn't live without ya." Dana turned back to the road. "Now you sure you know where we're going?"
"Yes, I *do* know how to read a compass thankyou. See the little arrow? Well it always points north..."
"You got anything to drink in that bag?"
"I have every variety of Snapple."
"Oh that helps. They've made fifty kinds of iced-tea alone."
"Would you like me name them all?"
"No thanks. Pink lemonade please." She pressed the cool bottle he offered against her forehead. They drove in silence for several more miles.
"It's getting dark." Fox observed. "Don't worry, we should be there soon."
"I'm not worried." She smiled.
"Hey look." He pointed out the window."That looks like it."
"Wait a minute." She peered through the glass. "I thought you said it was supposed to be a valley."
"Shadow Valley, that's it."
"Mulder, that is more like a depression than a valley."
"Wait till you get there." A few minutes later she gasped.
"Wow." She gazed in awe at the tiny gorge, like a carved crack in the earth's crust itself, nearly invisible until you were nearly on top of it because of the surrounding flat land. It curved in an elegant precise arc from east to west.
"How did you find this place?"
"It's not very well known. Doesn't even have an official name. It's called 'Shadow' by those who know where to find it because of the strange shadows the rocks make when the sun rises and sets. UFO hotspot Scully. They say you see something every time."
"Which is how you heard of it."
"Naturally. Park somewhere over there. We're going to have to hike down."
It didn't take very long, forty minutes maybe, thirty if she didn't count Mulder's rest stops.
"I guess I'm a little out of shape. With dying only a couple months ago and all."
Finally they were at the bottom, in a flat area with few trees.
"This place is a little funny you know." Dana pulled some of the equiptment out of her pack. "There isn't much plant life around, only some of these scraggly bushes and trees. And I do get that shadow reference now, the rocks are a shaped strange. Sort of off, like this just isn't quite real." Fox started humming the theme to the Twilight Zone TV show. Dana ignored him and finished securing the tent. He eyed it warily.
"You sure I can fit in there?"
"If Kevin can, so can you. He's a least half a foot taller than you."
"You know it's strange, the height differences in your family..."
"Keep it up and you're sleeping out here with your funny rocks tonight."
"I'll be good."
That night after they'd extinguished the fire they'd eaten dinner over ("Oooh Scully look, real astronaut food!" "*That* is *ice- cream*? Thank god we stopped at that Burger King.") they stretched out on their sleeping bags under the stars.
"Stories say that aliens made this canyon. Carved it right out of the rock."
"Aliens flew out of the sky and blasted a hole in the ground."
"That sounds so *coarse* Scully."
"Really Mulder, you go for this stuff?"
"Absolutely. Come on Scully, isn't fun just to think about it for a moment? Imagine a huge ship armed with a ray gun..."
"Oh how Trekkie."
"...dropping out of the stars and cutting this gorge. Wouldn't be incredible?"
"I guess so." They lay silently, looking at each other's outlines in the moonlight.
"What would you wish for on a star?" She was quiet for a moment, thinking.
"Well, maybe I would wish for Samantha to come back to you."
"Why?" Fox was surprised, but touched.
"Well because, because I beleive that family is one of the greatest strengths we can have, and, it wouldn't be fair to wish back Dad or Melissa." Her voice cracked a little. "Missy tried to explain to me once how everything is connected in the world. That we all have a purpose and we effect many other people's lives. Things happen, because they do. It's nature's way." Dana shifted restlessly. "She wouldn't have approved. But Samantha has a chance. You'll find her someday." Held almost hypnotically by her answer, Fox closed his eyes. It felt so different when the words came from her. All she needed to do was be there and he'd feel reassured, like he still had a purpose, even more than one.
"Thanks Scully. It means alot to me, to have you as a friend. I have a hard time trusting anyone."
"Well that's saved your life a few times."
"And it's almost killed me other times."
"I'm sorry I shot you." They both started to laugh out loud.
"I remember when you came into the office for the first time. All I could think of was how they could possibly expect me to not see right through a plan to have some snoop hanging around me all the time, writing down every wrong move I made so they could find their excuse."
"I remember when we were driving and my new nutcase partner jumped out of the car and spray painted a bright orange 'X' in the middle of the road. All I could think of was how I had a feeling that someday I was going to have to sedate you." Their giggles finally quieted ten minutes later.
"Goodnight, don't let the bedbugs bite."
"Goodnight, if they bite I've taped specific directions to *your* bag to my forehead."
Fox rolled into a more comfortable position and tried to fall asleep. But he couldn't. He stared straight up at the sky oddly.
"Did you notice any clouds blowing in this afternoon while we were driving?"
"Then why aren't there any stars?"
"You noticed that too?"
"Well there's the moon, and some stars down there near it.. wait." The stars she could see shone brightly as ever but they ended in a pronouced curve. And then darkness. She traced the edge of the curve. "Mulder what is that?"
"I don't know."
"Right over us."
"I'm getting in the tent."
"Me too." But neither of them moved. They lay frozen, afraid to breathe as the huge shape as big as the valley itself slowly rose over them, looming past them impossibly silently.
"Let's get out of here."
"We can't..." A blinding flash of light cut off his words, seemingly enveloping and burning the very sky. The two groped for each other's hands.
And then it was gone. Vanished as if it had never been, leaving a sky full of stars as if they'd always been there.
Fox woke to scent of hot coffee wafting through the tent walls. He unzipped from his bag and stepped through the open tent flaps into the open air, already heating quickly from the sun. Scully was sitting beside a pot on the fire She looked up when he approached.
"Yeowch, bed hair."
"And you look better?"
"As a matter of fact I do. I've been up for an hour." She poured some coffee into thermal mug as Mulder rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
"What time is it?" The hot liquid warmed his insides pleasantly.
"Nearly eight. How did you sleep?"
"Fine." he lied. *Since when do I sleep properly?* "And you?*
"Thanks." He munched thoughtfully.
"Mulder, what we saw last night," she grimaced, "was a UFO."
"I'm impressed Scully." She shot him a look.
"Unidentified flying object, I'm not accepting a possible alien spacecraft or anything."
"I didn't say anything." He looked at the slight woman bemusedly.
"There is an explaination."
"Of course. Gosh Scully, I've never seen this side of you. It's so, so, *paranoid.* It's great!"
"Oh no, I'm turning into a *Fox Mulder*! Oh the humanity...!" She slapped her hands to each side of her face "Home Alone"-like in mock anguish.
"Soon you'll be buying porno tapes.."
"Damn, and I bought you one for Christmas."
"Really, you've started shopping already? Last time you were racing through malls at the last minute."
"It's only a week away. Scully, ole buddy ole pal, have you bought something for me yet?"
"Maybe." She smirked. "Maybe not. What about you?"
"How do you feel about your very own Lone Gunman subscription?" Dana made gagging sounds with her finger pointed down her throat.
"Uh, a lifetime membership discount for the Bloomingdales shoe department?"
"Meowing cat slippers?"
"I swear Mulder, if it's another Ronco product..." Mulder snapped his fingers.
"I've got it! A Legends of the Fall video." She blushed.
"I've already got one."
"Scully! I never knew..." he grinned.
"Oh shut up. More coffee?"
"Ah ha! Changing the subject so quickly?"
"Yes. What did you get for Skinner? I had the hardest time looking for something to get him. I still haven't bought anything."
"I bought him a Chia pet." Scully nearly snorted coffee through her nose.
"Well I don't think he's got the new 'Chia Head' one. What else could I do?"
"But that's what he got two years ago..."
"From everyone." he finished. That was definately one holiday highlight he'd remember for a long time. They'd been talking in the office and he mentioned buying a Chia pet for their boss and Scully had admitted that was what she had gotten too. When they carried the wrapped gifts up to his office the secretary told them that he was in a meeting in another office so just leave the package on his desk. When Skinner finally returned, he found them both doubled over with laughter adrift in sea of packages from the office personel, all the same size, and all the same shape.
"Well couldn't you be more creative? We got in definate trouble the last time."
"Don't worry. I think it will be a unique gift this time. So...?"
"Don't leave me hanging, what are you going to get me?"
"I'm not telling you."
"I treasure the Marvin the Martian tie you got me on my birthday. Most people can't stand my ties."
"And I'm an exception? It was meant to be a novelty gift, I didn't expect you to wear it to a board meeting. Hey it's getting kind of late, we shoulld hit the road."
"Yeah. I got to go change my shirt. You can put out the fire and I'll roll up the sleeping bags. He went back into the tent and twenty minutes later he came out with to rolled bundles.
"Nice t-shirt." He was wearing the one he bought at that old store. She commenced in the taking apart of the the tent.
"You know, this trip has been okay so far. That old truck hasn't collapsed, we brought enough sunblock, and I'm actually enjoying myself on this little trip so far. I must say I'll be sorry when Monday comes around the corner."
"I'm *always* sorry when Monday comes around the corner." Mulder packed various utensils into his pack. "Not that it matters, I work weekends. But you're right, shouldn't something remarkably unlikely and strange be happening now? I mean, we *are* the X-Files team."
"Everything's fine. Except for..."
"Except for..." *Funny rocks.* He thought as he followed Scully up the side of the cliff. the end
Title: Raising Arizona 2. Waking Up by the Roadside
Summary: This is a sequel to my previous short 'Raising Arizona', though this can stand on it's own.
Warning- this story has no X-File, romance, or sense, just pure G rated wackiness. Hope I didn't scare you off =) Comments, criticism to my NEW address
*...It is my conclusion that the evidence presented is highly questionable so therefore does not...*
"Aaah!" Gasped Dana Scully, lifting her head sharply from the computer screen. *What the hell..?!*
A speeding object catapulted in front of her desk blowing papers out of her In box.
"What?" He gave a powerful kick with his long legs off the far wall and flew past her again in opposite direction in the rolling office chair. She shook her head.
"You were one of those kids that used to spin around in circles with your forehead on top of a baseball bat, weren't you?"
"I'm offended. What do you mean *used* to?" The chair screeched across the basement office floor noisily. "Wheeeee!"
"Good lord." Scully muttered under her breath, dotting the end of her last sentence with the tap of a key. She clicked on SAVE. "There, finished." She gathered up a weeks worth of rumpled post-it notes stuck around her moniter.
There was a knock at the door.
"Yes?" A tall agent came through the door.
"Agent Scully I..."
The agent jumped back in shock, colliding with the door. Scully pretended not to notice, chucking her wad of memos into a trash can against the far wall.
"Alright, and the G-woman makes a three pointer!" Mulder rolled by, giving her a high-five.
"Uh, if this is a bad time..."
"No no, what can I do for you?" The agent adjusted the glasses that had slid down his nose and swallowed.
"I came for a report..."
"Oh yeah, here, I'll print off a copy." They waited out the time. She handed it over and smiled politely. He left immediately. Dana thought she heard him muttering to the effect of *crazy lunatics* as he shut the door behind him.
"Thank you, come again!" Mulder shouted over his shoulder coming to a halt in front of her desk. Scully gave him her best teacher yes-I-bite-if-provoked scowl. But she couldn't hide the grin from from her eyes. And he knew it. Damn.
"I ought to punish you..."
"I good solid whipping always does the trick..."
"Ouch." He leaned forward and looked his partner straight in the eye. "It's friday you know."
"What happens on friday?"
"Same thing we did last friday..."
"Try to take over the world?" She finished, arching an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean." Scully nodded.
A week ago the two of them had taken some time off to do a little travel in Arizona to 'watch the skies.' They'd had a pretty good time, enjoying each other's company and had decided to go back for a second trip. This time hopefully remembering the camping equiptment Mulder had managed to forget last time.
"I'll pick you up at five sharp."
"I'm already packed."
Dana cast increasingly irritated glances at the tall man in the passenger seat, currently engrossed in either twisting a large paper map in his lap or staring bewilderingly at his hands with glazed eyes.
"That's it! You're starting to drool. I'm officially classifying you as roadmap incompotent."
"Is that a professional term?"
"Ha! I'm the one with a pysch degree, Ms. Bigshot Forensic Doctor."
"Fine! I'll be classifying you as DOA if you don't hand over the map right now!" Instead Fox Mulder edged closer towards the window, sheilding the paper and compass protectively. Dana Scully sighed.
"Why didn't you ask for directions at the last stop?"
"I don't need directions."
"Mulder! You acting so incredibly stereotypically male, it's not even funny."
"Me? *Cliche*? Never!" He whisked the map to his partner and she propped it up in front of the steering wheel. Her blue eyes skimmed the page.
"Yes?" He looked at her sheepishly.
"This is a Texas road map."
"Oh is it? So that's why I got such a discount."
"Argh!" Dana rolled down her window and threw it out. They drove in silence for a few minutes. Fox dug into a duffel bag and pulled out a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.
"Quiet, I'm concentrating." He munched quietly. Five minutes later a light, worn strip in the ground up ahead was visible. Dana pulled onto the dirt road, smiling.
"Wow, impressive. Were you Christopher Colombus in a previous life?"
"Thanks, I think. Keep your eyes peeled for road signs. Do you have any gum?"
"What, me?" He hit into a twinkie.
"Christ Mulder, no wonder you're getting fat."
"Blasphemy Scully, and before you say it, yes I'm very well aware of the chemicals in twinkies."
"Those things'll keep for centuries. Even in *your* apartment." Mulder inhaled the rest of the cake and swallowed.
"Can you imagine archeologists in the year five thousand digging these out of the sand? What'll they think?"
"Their first thought wouldn't be that this was something that you put in your mouth and *ate.*"
"More like indestructable roofing material."
"Or industrial paperweights."
"Costco brand no less." They both laughed. "Hey look!" Fox bursted out, pointing.
The dry dust turned abruptly into a line of trees. A small shack rested right along the roadside.
"It's the Restaurant at the End of the Universe! We're saved!"
"I can't beleive you're still hungry."
"Beleive it." His stomach rumbled on cue. "And there's your proof." He jumped out of the still moving truck. Scully shook her head, parking alongside an unleaded gas pump.
"Hey look at these." Dana gestured to a display of wigs and hairpeices at the back of the room. Fox glanced back while fishing for his wallet.
"Nice." He hit the service bell on the counter a couple more times impatiently. He stopped. A sudden glint was in his partner's eye and he watched, intrigued. Scully rummaged around the various wigs and selected one, pulling it onto her own head and smoothing her red strands under the curly white blond.
"Scully, what..?" She flicked back her new hair and fluttered her eyelashes repeatedly.
"Watch while I dazzle you with my Marilyn Monroe impersonation." He laughed as she posed.
"And where did you aquire such fine talents?"
"A Sally Struthers correspondence course." She bent over in a warped pouty supermodel pose.
"Business management?" he offered shakily. She finally pulled the peice off, smoothing back her hair that was standing up with static. Only to lift another that looked frighteningly simular to Pippi Longstocking's braids. "Hmm." Mulder was about to comment when suddenly a huge man loomed out from behind the counter.
"G'whaa?" Mulder managed to mutter before he was pulled into a big bear hug.
"Hey Eugine, look who it is!" the large man bellowed vaguly towards the door he'd come through.
"Excuse me, but do I know you?" Mulder tried, desperately, but he couldn't get out of the hold he was in.
"Boy, has it been so long? Ol' buddy, it's great to see ya!" And with that he planted loud kisses on both sides of the agent's face. Mulder tried to telepathically signal Scully for help, but to his horror she just looked on, one eyebrow arching.
"Mulder do I really want to know?"
"It's not what it looks like!"
"And how do you know what I think it looks like? Look, should I leave?" Her face was turning red with the strain.
"Don't you even dare!" He nearly fell over as he was suddenly freed. "I think you have me confused with someone else. We'd just like to pay for the gas please." Fox wrestled a few bills out of his wallet and handed it over. The man's attention was distracted.
"Hey, whatcha doin' with my private collection?" Scully stopped giggling and the long red wig dropped from her fingers as if it were red hot metal. Mulder leered in return. She silently paid for the gas.
"By the way, could we have some directions?"
"Come on now Mulder, we shouldn't pester the man."
"We've been driving for hours, I don't think those directions are correct." Dana said, peeved that he wasn't even paying attention.
"Scully, I never noticed before what a nasty driver you are." He grinned. "Ever considered being a NY cabbie?"
"I don't think my credentials should be your biggest worry right now. Those engine sounds aren't too favorable." She frowned, listening. The truck was emitting very audible grinding noises that hadn't been as bad a few hours ago. This was not good. Even Bill's old jalopy sounded better than this on it's last legs. She kicked herself for not getting it checked earlier. Hey, or better, she could kick Mulder for renting this thing...
"We should pull over at the next stop to be safe."
"Hah. Five bucks says we won't make it the next five miles."
"My aren't you a picture of optimism."
"'Bout as much as the Sharks at making the playoffs. Why aren't *you* the least bit upset?"
"Hey it's not like we're on a d..." He caught himself. Dana gave her partner a sidways glance. "Sorry," he finished with a sheepish grin. It wasn't as if either of them needed a reminder of their current lack of social lives. Though strangely enough, neither of them really felt a deep sense of loss on that missing aspect of life. Not today anyway.
Or rather, yet.
A deafening crank broke the silence. The pick-up came to a dead halt, then seeming almost alive, wrenched out it's last breath into the world. Then they were motionless.
"Is it safe to move?" She was answered with the hood popping noisily, spewing acrid black smoke clouding their vision through the already bug incrusted windsheild.
"Apparently not." They ducked out of the side doors and stood side by side with their arms crossed, staring at the fuming carcass a safe enough distance away.
"Here's a thought, let's pitch our tent *here* for the night." Dana's head slowly rotated towards the speaker. An insect buzzed by the back of neck and she swatted it.
"You didn't happen to look up the uh, *wildlife* around here did you? Nothing that glows or has longer than average teeth?" she looked around at the surrounding flat land. "We're not camping near a giant dung heap are we..." Fox looked thoughtful.
"Nooo, nothing around here bigger than the size of your fist."
"Likewise." They set out to fish out their gear and set it up before nightfall.
End, for now