Title: Left Turn at Albuquerque
Author: Evil Little Dog
Author's page: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/80900/
Written: 05/13/2009
Category: X-Files + Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Crossover
Genre: Humor
Disclaimer: Do not own. No. Not. Ever.
Words: 730
Rating: PG
Summary: Mulder's on a vampire hunt. Scully just wants to go home.

For Leni. *smoochies*

"Seriously, Mulder, Skinner is going to have your ass – and mine, too – for this little side trip to California." When Scully made verbal air quotes like that, Mulder knew he was in trouble.

"C'mon, Scully, surely some sort of alarm is going off from those reports." Mulder took his eyes off the road to smile in her direction. "An independent military group, studying a 'hellmouth'?"

"You got the reports," again with the verbal air quotes, "from them, didn't you?"

Them, of course, meant the Lone Gunmen. 'Them' were a very good source for the weird and unpredictable, even if some of the stuff the Gunmen came up with was about as goofy as, well, a hellmouth in Southern California. "C'mon," Mulder protested, "how many unexplained deaths of high school students happen in a town this small? Why do so many of the coroner reports have inconclusive findings as to the cause of death? What about the sightings of vampires and demons?" When Scully rolled her eyes, Mulder huffed in annoyance. "Did you at least read the police report for October thirty-first?"

"Halloween?" Scully's scoff became even more vocal. "Demon sightings on Halloween. Next you'll tell me that there are alien cockroaches in this town."

Mulder opened his mouth, snapped it shut again. Fine, he sulked mentally, Scully could just play Doubting Thomas but just wait until he found a real vampire. Again. Like in Texas.

Buffy twirled the stake like it was a baton, but cooler. Or that's what Xander had told her once before. Snapping the bubble of her chewing gum, she glanced from Angel to the man in front of them. "It's not really safe to be wandering around in graveyards after dark," she said, almost politely. The scream – she thought it had to be from the guy, it sounded way too girly for the woman – had interrupted some prime make out time with Angel. And Buffy wasn't too happy about that. Between slaying, schoolwork and Mom questions, there just wasn't a lot of Angel-time left over.

"That was..." the man staggered a little and Angel caught his arm, keeping him upright. "That was a vampire."

"A little help, Mulder?" A hand flapped at the top of an open grave. "Unless you're too busy being exsanguinated."

Buffy rolled her eyes as the guy sort of collapsed, long legs reminding her of a spider.

Angel made sure he didn't fall into the hole while Buffy leaned over it. "Hi." She grinned at the woman, who was puffing her red bangs out of her eyes. "Your boyfriend's kinda out of it." Buffy nearly retreated from the evil glare but it wasn't really directed at her. She was pretty sure of that.

"He's not my – look, can you help me out of this grave?"

"Scully, that was a vampire! It really...she hit it with a stake and it went into dust." The guy made a weird face. "I'm sitting in someone's desiccated body."

Angel reached down into the hole, pulling the woman out. She nodded her thanks to him, tugging her jacket down and into place, but not before Buffy caught sight of a gun. "I don't want to hear it, Mulder. I want to get a shower and go home. Preferably in that order, before Skinner realizes we're off on one of your wild goose chases." She turned to Angel, offering her hand, which Angel, nonplussed, took and shook. "Thank you for your help, both of you. Mulder, come on." Without looking back, she stomped toward the entrance of the cemetery.

Mulder unfolded himself enough to get to his feet, dusting his hands over his hair. "Ewww, I think there's dead body in my hair. Scully, wait up!" He stumbled after her, picking up speed and dodging headstones.

"Well, that was interesting." Angel said it like it was the farthest thing from 'interesting', ever.

"Yeah. So." Buffy stood on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. "Where were we again?"

Angel set his hands on her hips, smiling and leaning down so his nose brushed hers. "Right about here."

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