Title: If Wishes were Horses
Author: Christin
Written: Feb. 1998
Rating: PG, I suppose, what do you expect, when Mulder is trapped in Scully's body?
Category: SH
Spoilers: Watch the Disney movie "Freaky Friday." Watching an occasional X-Files may help also.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Fox, 1013 and Chris Carter. I do claim Larry the Fourth Floor janitor though, he's mine. I am making no money for I am a college student, nuff said

Summary: Mulder and Scully make the horrible "Freaky Friday" mistake of wishing they were the other. And thank goodness there are only 24 hours in a day!!

Note: "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride" is something my mum says when I wish for something.

11:58 p.m.
Thursday Night
Fox Mulder's Apartment

Mulder looked at the leftover Chinese sitting on the coffee table and the horrible 99 cent porn playing, sound off, on his television set. Is this all that there is to my days off? he thought to himself. Am I really this superficial? He thought about Agent Scully, Dana if he were to be so daring. He had a good idea of how she would use her two days off. Probably, going out with some college friends, catch upon her painting, read a good book, something beneficial. Yeah, she would make good use of her time.

11:58 p.m.
Thursday Night
Dana Scully's Apartment

Why do I always order pizza? Dana thought to herself, I can never finish it and then I just leave it to mold in the refrigerator. She flipped through the channels, nothing was on this time of night. She wondered why she even bothered paying for the premium channels, let alone basic cable when she could only watch it about four times a month. She looked over at the clock, almost midnight, another day. She really should do something tomorrow, although she knew that she would most likely catch up on sleep and veg out. She thought about Mulder and what he might be doing on his day off. Probably going to the Observatory or down to that new jazz club on Franklin. I wonder what it's like to be Mulder? she mused.

11:59 p.m.
Fox Mulder's Apartment

I wonder what it's like to be Scully? Mulder pondered as he set the sleep timer for half an hour on the television and settled down on the couch to go to sleep.


11:59 p.m.
Dana Scully's Apartment

I wonder what it would be like to be Mulder, just for a day. Scully wondered as she snuggled down into her bed and turn out the light.  Just to be Mulder....

11:59 p.m.
Fox Mulder's Apartment

Just to be Scully.......

12:00 a.m. 
Fox Mulder's /Dana Scully's Apartments

.....just for one day.

10:35 a.m. 
Friday morning
Fox Mulder's Apartment

Dana Scully awoke with the worst crick in her neck. Had she slept on it wrong? When she went to roll over, on what she expected to be the other side of her bed, she fell, head first against the hard coffee table.

"Ouch!" she proclaimed in a rather deep voice.

  She felt out of sorts, like she didn't fit her body, perhaps it was just the early morning grogginess. Rubbing her eyes she looked around, what am I doing in Mulder's apartment? Panic filled her body, she hadn't remembered leaving her place last night, of course it's amazing what a bottle of cheap red wine and a pizza will do.

"Mulder?" she asked out loud what is wrong with my voice? She tried clearing her throat and trying again. "Mulder?" she asked again. Still her voice, wasn't her voice it sounded like.....

Scully ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Staring back was not her face but, Mulder's. Scully fell down onto the floor. She peered back up at the mirror, Mulder's eyes stared back. How had this happened? she thought. The last thing she remembered last night was wondering what it would be like to be Mulder for a day. Was that scientifically possible?

There had to be some sort of explanation for this. Perhaps she was still asleep, that had to be it. She had heard of cases where people had been able to control their actions in dreams, but this. Yet another time where she had no scientific explanation. Besides, she thought,even if this is just a dream, at least I get to see what it's like to be Mulder for a day.

10:35 a.m. 
Friday morning
Dana Scully's Apartment

Fox Mulder awoke, feeling unusually refreshed. What was in that Chinese? Opening his eyes he looked over to what he thought would be his television and saw a night table. What the hell, he thought, sitting up. He crossed his arms across his chest, but something didn't feel right, or felt like a dream come true. He looked down and saw that he was not in his usual tshirt and sweats but in a blue pajama outfit. He pulled the top away and looked down and saw that indeed he was given the gift that keeps on giving, in the form of a pair. What the hell indeed.

He got out of bed, bed? yes indeed he had slept in a bed!  and went out into the living room to further investigate the situation. Apparently he was in Scully's  apartment. Looking in the dresser mirror he also, apparently was in Scully's body. He remembered wondering what it would be like to be Scully before going to sleep, last night, but he didn't expect it to come true. Hell, if this was what happened when you wondered at night before going to sleep then he should have wondered what it would be like to be the only man at the Playboy Mansion!  Sitting, legs spread in a manly manner, he pondered what Scully had planned for the day. Getting up to go check her daily planner, he heard her doorbell ring...

11:10 a.m. 
Friday morning
Fox Mulder's Apartment

 Scully stepped out of the shower, Mulder had definitely needed it. She had been slightly embarrassed to strip down, but hey, he didn't have anything she hadn't seen before. She had spent about ten minutes in front of the mirror just looking at herself, er, hisself, she  didn't care if it was Freudian, there was some type of power trip out of having a penis, and she liked it. Too bad this is only a dream, she thought, but what if it wasn't, what if this really was happening? Would she ever return to her body? She toweled off and noticed something, something that she shouldn't have done. Except for a few patches, well, she was used to doing it everyday, she had shaven her, er, Mulder's legs. Now she hoped this was just a dream.

11:50 a.m. 
Friday morning
Dana Scully's Apartment

 The person ringing the doorbell had been Frohike. How he had gotten Scully's address, Mulder did not want to know. Should I let him in? Would Scully let him in? Trying to ignore the doorbell, but not being able to hold out, he finally let Frohike in, after quickly changing into what he thought was an appropriate outfit.

"Why Miss Scully, you look quite, different," said Frohike.

"Is there something wrong with it?" Mulder asked, looking down at the ensemble. 

"No nothing is wrong, I just never pegged you for being the type to wear a pair of jean cutoffs and a black bra."

"I can change.."

"No, no," Frohike replied. "It's quite nice, brings out the black in your pupils."

"Well are you going to come in or not?" Mulder asked impatiently.

  Shocked at the request, Frohike ,quickly making sure that he wasn't followed, went inside.  Mulder looked down again at his ensemble, he didn't find anything wrong with it, if you've got it why not flaunt it? He showed Frohike to the couch and sat down opposite of him, forgetting to not sit with his legs spread eagle. In his quick pursuit to put together an outfit he had gone into Mulder mode and not put on anything under the cutoffs.

"So, Fro, whatcha need?" Mulder asked.

Frohike looked over at Dana, this certainly wasn't a side she had shown before, not that he didn't like it, he did. Gulping slightly and his heartbeat going faster he noticed that she was sitting in the manner that Mulder normally took, and he also noticed that she waxed all year long. His face then went a shade shy of fuschia. Mulder leaned forward, forgetting about only wearing a bra, what was up with Frohike? He was turning a shade of red he had never seen before.

"Frohike, are you alright, man? Do you need something to drink?"

"No, I'm, uh, alright, just a little tired, it was a long walk, I mean, I uh, just happened to be on this side of town and thought you may be home, uh, yeah I could use a drink, thank you."

  Mulder went over to the kitchen and poured a glass of guava (guava?) juice and brought it over to Frohike.

"Thank you, how did you know that I enjoyed guava juice?" Frohike drank it down and put the glass down on the table.

 Mulder was sitting, half balanced on the arm, next to Frohike.

An awkward silence filled the room. Suddenly, Mulder felt something, something quite odd, he looked down and saw a hand on his left breast, well at least his left for the the day.

"Frohike, what are you doing?" Mulder asked.

"Come one, Dana," Frohike whispered into Mulder's(er, Scully's) ear.

Slowly he started to kiss the nape of her neck, letting his hand move slowly down to the curve of her belly. "I knew this day would come, I saw all the signs, especially today, greeting me at the door in that getup, sitting so innocently with your legs spread open, and then the cup of guava juice, no one knows that guava juice is such an aphrodisiac for me, you tigress!"

Mulder began to panic, being a woman did have it's pros but one of the major cons, especially being a short petite framed redhead was not having very much upper body strength. Okay, must think rationally, what to do what to do....

12:00 p.m.
Friday afternoon
Fox Mulder's Apartment

  Scully sat on the couch and popped in one of the videos. Lame music, bad lighting, and that one girl looked like Shelly from 10th grade Biology, yet she couldn't stop . She actually didn't mind being a man, she was lounging around in a pair of old sweats, like he had any new ones, although she was kind of hungry.

Pausing the movie, she went into the kitchen and opened up the fridge. Why did this not surprise her, nothing except for an old apple, a bag of sunflower seeds and a bottle of mustard.  She went over to the phone and looked at the speed dial numbers, pizza, Chinese, Mexican and Natasha & Friends?  Yuck, she couldn't handle anymore takeout. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Scully peered through the peephole. Outside was Larry, the janitor from fourth floor. She opened the door.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Hey, Fox, forget our basketball rematch?"

Scully thought for a moment, why did he let Larry call him Fox? and when was the last time I played basketball? "Uh, no, I didn't, just let me change."

Dana close the door and hurried to the bathroom, she heard another knock, who could it be now? She returned and opened the door again, she had accidentally left Larry standing in the hall. After finally changing into what she thought appropriate wear for a basketball game, she and Larry headed for the court.

"So, tell me again, Larry, just one on one?" Scully asked.

"Fox, where have you been?" Larry laughed "It's the City Tournament, whoever wins four of the five games gets the purse of $4000 and losing team is out of  $200 each! Thank God we have you."

"Me?" Scully gulped.

"Yeah, you're the  best on our team."

Okay, Scully thought to herself, it was great being Mulder, she finally understood why he watched those videos, but she couldn't play basketball, at least not well enough to win a $4000 purse!!! How was she going to get out of this???? ??

12:10 p.m.
Friday afternoon
Dana Scully's Apartment

"I said GET OFF OF ME!!!!!" Mulder threw a shoe at Frohike.

When Frohike had mentioned jokes about restraining orders before, he thought they were just off colour jokes. Frohike hadn't been kidding!!! Frohike lunged at him, a look that was a cross between pure devotion, desire and a mad rapist. Scully will kill me if I return her body used.Mulder thought, as he soccer kicked Frohike out the door.

"AND I NEVER, EVER WANT TO SEE YOU NEAR MY PLACE AGAIN!" Mulder shouted, slamming and dead bolting the door behind him. He sat on the floor, shaken and tired and thoroughly disgusted.

He so wanted to return to his normal life. Suddenly another knock on the door. He dared not to answer it. A voice called, "Dana, did you forget our 'Discovering Your Sexuality' class? We're going to be late!"

It was Melissa, oh God, he didn't know which was worse Frohike or Melissa......

12:10 p.m.
Friday afternoon
Downtown Basketball Court

 They  had pulled into the parking lot,beads of sweat were building on Dana's forehead. What was she to do? She couldn't just go in there and fake a gift of great basketball skills. God, she just wanted her normal life.

Friday afternoon
Dana Scully's Apartment

He just wanted his normal life again. "I just want my life again!" Mulder screamed.

Friday afternoon
Downtown Basketball Court

"I just want my life again!" Dana screamed.....

Suddenly Dana opened her eyes again. There was a knocking on her door, her door, her door! She jumped up and opened the door, there stood her sister, Melissa.

"Melissa! quick, who do I look like?"

"Well, um."

"Who do I look like!!!!!!"

"Well, I'm not sure. Sort of like my sister, Dana.

Dana, is there a Dukes of Hazzard convention that I am keeping you from?"

"Wha?" Dana looked down and saw that she was wearing a pair of cutoffs, a black bra and apparently no underwear, figures Mulder would pick this out.

"Mulder....." Dana muttered.

"Mulder is involved in this?" her sister asked. "I don't want to know..."

"Melissa. Forget, I'm not even going to argue about it, just let me go get into something, more uh, more me."

Mulder looked around and saw that he was in, Larry's car? Shit! The tournament!  Something didn't feel right, but he didn't have time. Stepping out of the car, he wondered what felt so odd, then he realized, his legs, no wonder everyone was staring! His legs were shaven.

"Hey, Fox, you shouldn't have believed them when they said it would make you faster!"

"Mulder, I think you missed a spot!"

"Have you tried Nair?"

"What about waxing?"

The entire court whipped into an uproar of laughter. Mulder ran over to Larry and asked if he could take him home, he needed to change.

Friday afternoon
Fox Mulder's Apartment

Mulder put the fifth video into the rewinder. You would think that someone so anal would remember to rewind the videos. Mulder checked his answering machine. One message from Scully. He called her back.

"Scully, it's me. Yeah, I was wondering, um, did anything happen out of the ordinary today?"


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