Title-If Only in Spirit
Author- Christine L.
Written: July 1997
Distribution: Anywhere, as long as my name is still on it.
Classification: A, a little of MSR
Spoiler: Little parts from "Pilot", "Deep Throat", "Irresistible" and "Memento Mori"
Rating: Probably PG or PG-13 for cursing
Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and all of its characters don't belong to me. I wish they did, but they don't. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox television.

Summary: Scully must accept that Mulder is really dead. Or is he? (Takes place after Gethesmate.)

I would really appreciate feedback. This is my first attempt at fan fiction and I'm only 13, so be kind. I got the idea for this story in the car on the back from seeing Face/Off and I kinda borrowed the main idea.

Dana Scully stood ridged and stared down at the hole in the ground as the wind blew her auburn hair into her face. Absently, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and removed a lone, white rose from her trenchcoat pocket. She purposely pricked her thumb on a thorn and squeezed a drop of bright red blood onto the soft petal. She turned the flower over and kissed another petal, her lipstick leaving an imprint of her lips on the rose. Extending her arm, she silently dropped the flower. It hit the coffin about the same time the tear did.

Scully finally broke down in her car. Holding her head in her hands she cried, the sobs wracking her body until she couldn't cry anymore. She dried her tears with the back of her hand and tried to look presentable, to no avail. She finally gave up. She realized then that the tears meant that she had stopped denying it and had accepted it as the truth.

He was dead.

<He's dead, he's gone, he's buried. You can't bring him back this time> Scully thought to herself. She allowed herself one last glance at the grave before pulling away.

The tombstone read:

Here lies Fox William Mulder
Beloved son and friend
October 13, 1960-May 11, 1997

"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"
- John 8:32

Scully lay on her bed in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling. The one thing that kept Scully from losing it was the fact that Mulder hadn't committed suicide. The autopsy revealed that he had been killed. Scully vowed that she would hunt down and bring to justice the man whose fingerprints were all over the body and face. The man who took away from her the one man she had loved, though she had never admitted it to him.

Before slipping into a long and deserved sleep, she mouthed his name with blood lust in her mouth, "Krycek".

Across town, a man dressed in black jeans, a black tee-shirt and a black leather jacket moved drunkenly through the streets. The light from the street lights threw odd shadows on his face and he looked as if he was going mad. His breathing came quick and his hands kept flying to his face and down to his side again. His eyes blazed with an inner fire and his brow was wet with cold sweat. He stumbled into a lamp post and clung there for a second before launching himself forward. His eyes caught the sight of a familiar street. Krycheck smiled. <Soon, Scully. Very soon.>

The next morning, Scully forced her body out of bed and into the shower. She didn't have to report to work today, Skinner had demanded that she take a week off.

Scully decided to use the time to learn everything about Krycek that she could. So far all she knew was that his blood type was O. When she found him, though, (when, not if) she was going to make him pay for the pain he had given to Mulder. Mulder. It hurt to think about him, but she did anyway. God, she had been there to stop Mulder from shooting Krycek, why couldn't she have been there to stop Krycek from shooting Mulder? She stepped out of the shower, dried herself and put on a bathrobe. She walked out of the bathroom. She was looking down, towel drying her hair when she walked right into him.

At first, all she could do was stare. Here he was, Krycek, the man responsible for taking the man she loved away from her forever, standing in her apartment. Looking like he had been through hell. She hoped he had. She let the towel drop to the floor and, as if in slow motion, she ran to her table and grabbed her gun.

"You bastard! What the hell are you doing in my apartment?!" Scully yelled furiously as she aimed the gun at his chest and pulled back the safety.

"Scully, it's me," Krycek said softly.

"I know it's you, you fucking son-of-a-bitch! You took Mulder away from me!"

"No," he answered, "I am Mulder."

Scully began to laugh softly. "What the hell is the matter with you?! You fucking lost your mind?!"

Krycek's eyes shown concern. "Are you OK, Scully? I've never heard you curse so much."

Scully stopped laughing. "What the hell did you expect? For me to talk calmy when you killed the one man I love?! I don't think so? Now give me a reason! Give me a reason why I shouldn't blow your god-damned head off!"

"OK, fine," Krycek said, extremely calm, "Remember our first case, Scully? I thought you were sent to spy on me. Remember when we were flying out to investigate it? Remember how when we hit some turbulence, I remained calm while you gripped the chair? Remember when you came running into my motel room because you thought you had the same bumps as the other victims when they were only mosquito bites? Remember Ellen's Air Base? Remember when we saw those lights in sky, just hovering? Remember when I stumbled out of the Air Base with no memory? Remember after your incident with Donnie Pfaster, you broke down and cried on my shoulder and I held you? Remember after Penny Northern died, I hugged you and told you "The truth will save you,"? Well, right now I'm telling you the truth. I am Fox Mulder. Please, Scully. I trust only you and I thought you trusted me."

All Scully could do was stare into his eyes. Those big, hazel eyes that were filled with so much emotion. Not Krycek's eyes, but Mulder's eyes. It was true, she just knew it. He was Mulder. She placed her gun down slowly. Suddenly, realization had hit her. He was never dead. But he had made everyone else think that he was. he had probably watched, laughing, as people poured their feelings out about him.

He had hurt her. He had abandoned her. Again. She was furious! She launched herself at him, her hands turning into fists as she began to repeatedly hit him on the chest. The blows surprised Mulder and it took him awhile to grab her wrists. But when he did, he grabbed them hard. Scully looked up at him and was again overtaken by emotion. Her lower lip trembled and she began to cry. Mulder drew her close, like the times he had mentioned just moments before. Except this time, they both clung to each other for dear life, as if the other would disappear if they let go. They heard sirens in the distance, and they both soon realized that the sirens were coming towards them. Mulder held Scully at arm's length.

"Scully, they're coming for me," he said nervously, "They think I'm Krycek. I thought I was being followed."

"Mulder, what do we do?"

"We have to get my face back."

"That's right. You still didn't explain how you ended up with Krycek's face."

"Later, Scully. Are you coming with me?" Mulder asked, extending a hand.

"Sure. Why not?" Scully smiled as she took the hand and then ran out to the car.

Scully was exhausted. She had spent nearly 12 hours driving around the entire state of Maryland. She had learned a lot, though. She now knew that Mulder was warned that his life was in danger and that the only way to hide was to pretend he was dead. So, a team of experts had come in and brought Krycek's dead body with them. Unfortunately, they already had Mulder drugged when they brought that body in, so Mulder had no idea his new identity was to be Krycek. They surgically removed both Mulder's and Krycek's faces and fitted the faces on to the new owners. When Mulder came to, he learned that the man behind this operation was no other than the Cancer Man.

He escaped from there and came to Scully's apartment. Mulder had told her that if they hurry, they could get his face back and hopefully replace it. Scully looked over at her partner, who seemed to be asleep. Thank God his face was turned away from her. Even though she knew it was really Mulder, it looked like Krycek. It really gave her a start.

"Scully?" Mulder mumbled with his head still facing away from her.

"What Mulder?" she said, a little annoyed.

"What you said before, did you really mean it?"

"Mean what?" Now she was very annoyed.

"That you loved me," Mulder turned his head and his hazel eyes stared into her blue eyes.

"Yes. Yes I did," Scully admitted as she gazed into those eyes, trying to block out the rest of that face, trying to pretend the face looked like Mulder's. Mulder smiled back at her, even though the smile was not his. His hand grasped her's, even though the hand was not his. He moved in closer, his lips moving to touch her's, even though the lips were not his. She pulled back and focused on driving again, trying to concentrate on the road in front of her, not the man who had Krycek's face next to her.

"Scully? What's the matter?" Mulder asked, hurt. "I feel the same way about you that I thought you feel about me."

"I do, Mulder, I do. It's just that...well...you," Scully stammered.

"What is it?"

"You look like Krycek!" Scully blurted out. There was a silence in the car as Mulder finally understood.

"Well, just the more reason to get my face back," Mulder said, breaking the silence.

"How exactly are we going to do that?" Scully asked.

"We go in, steal my face from the body, then get another team to transplant it back on."

"How do you know that the body's going to be there?" Scully questioned.

"I overheard it," Mulder said, bluntly.

"Fine. Who's going to transplant the face. Everyone thinks you're Krycek, remember?"

"Well," Mulder said, "We'll just have to convince them."


"I don't know, Scully," Mulder sighed. "You'll think of something."

Scully was quiet for a minute while she thought. Suddenly, it came to her. She checked the back seat and smiled. Her bag with medical instruments was still in the back seat. She pulled over to the side of the road.

"I got it, Mulder. Krycek has blood type O..."

"And I have B+," Mulder finished for her. Scully nodded. Reaching into the back, she produced a needle, a cotton swab and a band-aid. She drew a little of Mulder's blood, wiped it off with the swab and placed the band-aid around it. She looked up at Mulder.

"Now, if only we can find this place..." Scully mumbled.

"I remember where it is. Take a left."

About ten minutes later, they were there. Quietly, they parked the car and entered the complex. They moved slowly through the building, staying low and avoiding video cameras. Finally Mulder found the right hallway. They moved swiftly down the hall way to the last room. There was only glass to separate the room from the hallway and it evident that is was a one-way mirror. The light was on and there was three people dressed in hospital scrub. They were in the middle of the room talking about something. There was two operating tables in the room. On one lay Krycek with Mulder's face. Scully pulled her gaze from the room when she heard sirens slowly coming towards them in the background. Then she heard another familiar sound. She turned her head only to see Mulder remove his gun from his holster.

"Mulder? What are you doing? What about the plan?" she asked.

"Screw the plan. We weren't expecting company. And they're not going to give me my face back if I just ask politely. What ever happens, Scully...Dana, remember I love you. And we will always be together, if only in spirit." Mulder gave her a quick kiss on her lips before rushing into the room.

"I love you too, Mulder," Scully said softly as she wiped a tear away from her face. She couldn't hear what was going on inside, but she could see. Mulder ran into the room and waved his gun around. The doctors screamed and backed away. Scully could see Mulder yelling at them, gesturing at Krycek, his face, the operating table and towards Scully with the gun. Scully realized that Mulder had told them that probably a whole group of people were out there with guns, waiting to shoot.

As the sirens grew louder, Scully knew that soon there would be a whole group of people were out there with guns, waiting to shoot. They quickly got Mulder on the table and an nurse reached for a tranquilizer, Mulder shook his head no, and the nurse left it there.

Scully realized that Mulder was telling them to skip the drugs, just do it. Was he nuts?

The pain would be unbearable! One doctor moved over to Krycek's body and started to remove his face using the laser as another doctor did the same to Mulder. Mulder started to scream and eventually passed out from the pain. When he was unconscious the doctor paused and moved away as if to not continue wit the operation. Scully fired a warning shot into the ceiling and the doctor hurriedly returned to the operation, Soon, the laser had cut through the skin and a mechanical arm reached down and removed the face,

placing it in some sort of gel. Scully had to turn away. The sight of a human face with no skin, the exposed muscles, boned and eyes sockets made her feel queasy, She turned back anyway, just in time to see a mechanical arm place Mulder's face back on his body.

Scully smiled a radiant smile. She noticed that the sirens had stopped and could hear loud voices and footsteps gradually approaching her, but she didn't care. All that she cared about was the fact that Mulder was OK, and he loved her. After all this time, they had finally expressed their true feelings for each other. Now they could be together and no one, *no one* could take him away from her. She heard someone come around the corner and turned to see Skinner and a bunch of other agents running down the hall towards her. She looked back at Mulder and noticed the operation was almost down.

They were just burning his face back into place now. She could already see that he was coming to.

"Agent Scully? What are you doing here? I thought you were going to take some vacation time..." Skinner trailed off as he noticed Mulder on the operating table stir and blink his eyes. "What the hell is going on here?!" he demanded.

"I can explain, sir," Scully said, smiling.

"You better be able to, Agent Scully, because if you can't..." Scully was no longer listening to Skinner when realized something was wrong, terribly wrong. Mulder had gotten off the table and was stumbling towards her, smiling when she realized that the doctors had disappeared. Then she saw a man in the shadows remove a gun, aim it towards Mulder, pull the safety back and pull the trigger.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" she wailed as Mulder crumpled and collapsed to the floor in a heap. She pushed past the stunned agents and ran into the room. The agents followed her and ran towards the mysterious man in the shadow. Scully didn't care about him, all she cared about was the man who was lying on his side on the floor, with blood pooling underneath his still body. She fell to her knees and held his body against her's.

She could feel his heartbeat, slow and unsteady and she could feel his breathing, shallow and soft. Then...nothing. His heart stopped and so did her's. He stopped breathing and she held her breath. Slowly, painfully, she learned to breathe on her own. She clung to his body, unaware of the agents around her, trying to comfort her and dragging the killer along with them. She clung to his body, unaware of the blood covering her shirt, her face, her hands, her hair. All she was aware of was that Fox William Mulder was dead, this time for real. She felt a bright light above her, and she knew that it was not just the regular light bulb. It was Mulder, not the now empty vessel, but Mulder's soul.

Turning her face towards the light, she squinted and smiled through the tears that streamed down her face. Mulder was right. They would always be together, if only in spirit.


So, what did you think? Remember, this is my first attempt at fan fic (probably not my last though, that was fun!)

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