Title: A Halloween Confection
Summary: A Halloween X-File mystery in the office.
"Amazing," repeated Fox Mulder to his partner, Dana Scully, as they sat in their basement office on a late fall afternoon. "It really is."
"What's amazing, Mulder?" asked Scully, not looking up from her computer keyboard.
Mulder sniffed and pushed his glasses up higher upon the bridge of his nose as he turned around to face her. "Well, Scully, it would appear that we have an X-File right here in our office. Not that this would really surprise me, because it was bound to happen at some point, but the it's nature of the case that's truly baffling."
"Really?" replied Scully, still typing furiously. "And what would that be?"
He picked up a large, empty plastic bag and shook it in her direction. "As of yesterday afternoon, this bag was filled, right to the top, with an assorted mix of chocolates, namely, Hershey Mini-Bars that I'd purchased for Halloween. When I retrieved it from my desk just now, I noted that what had comprised the contents of this bag were missing."
He got up and walked over to Scully's desk as she continued to examine the keyboard in front of her to the exclusion of all other things.
He leaned over toward her with a raised eyebrow. "The entire contents of the bag, Scully. Not just one or ten or even twenty, mini-Hershey bars are gone, but the WHOLE bag has disappeared. Now, you wouldn't happen to have any theories on what might have happened here, would you?"
"Well, actually Mulder, I would," said Scully slowly, not looking up from her computer monitor. "And I've been meaning to talk to you about that."
"Uh, huh," replied Mulder, nodding his head. "Do I detect a confession here, Agent Scully?"
"Yes, I do have a confession, Mulder," said Scully, logging off her computer and looking up.
Mulder crossed his arms over his chest with a smirk. "I'll bet you do."
"I confess that last night I made an amazing discovery."
"What? That Special Dark isn't as bad as you remembered it to be?"
"No, Mulder. Last night, as I worked late in the office, I discovered that aliens *do* exist," she said calmly.
Mulder blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me correctly, Mulder."
Mulder shook his head in amazement. "Well, well, Scully. That *is* a pretty amazing confession, coming from you."
"And that they appear to have a fondness for chocolate."
"Oh," said Mulder, nodding knowingly. "I see, Agent Scully. Aliens came and ate my chocolate. Well, what do you know about that? How fascinating. So what were these aliens like? Were they grays, or humanoids or oil creatures, perhaps?"
"No. They were roaches."
"Yes. Giant roaches, Mulder," she said, with a perfectly placid expression. "From Uranus."
"Giant roaches from my what?"
Scully shook her head. "No, no. From Uranus, Mulder. The seventh planet in our solar system?"
"Oh, I see," replied Mulder, slowly settling into the chair in front of Scully's desk. "Well, well, Scully, this *is* startling. Now in the interest of our work, perhaps you'd like to take a moment and describe your encounter to me."
Scully sighed and leaned back, shaking her head. "Well, I have to admit, Mulder it was the most astonishing thing that you could imagine, especially for someone as skeptical as myself. There I was, typing out the expense reports, which are three weeks late, by the way, when I noticed a blinking light reflecting off of the wall in front of me.
"It caught my attention, so I turned around to view the source of this light, when to my complete wonder and surprise, I saw a tiny, cigar-shaped craft hovering not more than four feet up from the floor, and oh, maybe two feet away from your desk."
"Oh," said Mulder. "It was floating over my desk?"
Scully nodded. "Yes. Now, for a moment there, I thought that proof-reading your reports had finally destroyed my eyesight, but then I observed an even more astounding phenomenon. A small door on the side of the craft opened and out came its occupants, marching in perfect formation, right over onto my desk.
"As I sat there in complete shock, the largest of the roaches stood in front of me and through some sort of telepathy, I heard a small voice telling me not to fear, that they were simple roaches from the planet Uranus and would complete their mission here without causing me any harm. With that, they then saluted me, adjusted their little outfits and marched away."
Mulder raised an eyebrow. "They were wearing clothes?"
"Yes. Six-legged overalls with short capes."
"Capes. I see. Did they have little antennas too, Scully?"
"Of course they did, Mulder," replied Scully indignantly. "They were roaches."
"Oh, forgive me," said Mulder apologetically. "Please, go on."
"As I was saying, the roaches marched away, in a close V-shaped formation and immediately went straight toward your desk. Once they reached their destination, I observed the bag of chocolates begin to levitate, and then open, the plastic torn apart by some unseen force."
Mulder nodded slowly. "I see."
"At that point, the entire contents of the bag, down to the last Crunch bar, were emptied out into a small metal container, approximately 4 inches by 4 inches, with an unknown depth. It followed them they turned and, as one body, they marched back to their vehicle and filed inside.
"Then, with a small burst of light, the spaceship rose and, in a flash, it disappeared," finished Scully, leaning back with a perfectly straight face. "It was truly the most remarkable thing."
"So I can imagine. OK, Scully, I hope you don't mind, but let's go over this just one more time. You want me to believe that giant roaches, not giant by standard conventions..."
"They were approximately six and a half inches high, which I assume is giant by most earth roach standards."
"...came here in a little spaceship..."
"A tapered cylinder, perhaps 28 inches in length, and ten inches in circumference, with an array of lights on both the port and starboard sides."
"...wearing little outfits...."
"A shiny material, not unlike tin foil, but appearing to be more flexible, having distinct phosphorous overtones."
"...marched in here..."
"Two lines of eight roaches, in a V-shaped formation, all forty-eight legs stepping in perfect 4/4 sync."
"...picked up my candy..."
"Actually, as I mentioned before, it was transported out behind them via a small metal box, not unlike a tiny dumpster, which appeared to hover as it followed, upheld by an unknown power source."
"...and ate it."
Scully shook her head. "I never saw actual ingestion, Mulder, so we shouldn't make any assumptions. It's safe to say that they planned on doing *something* with the chocolate, but exactly *what* is still undetermined."
Mulder shook his head in amazement. "Well, I have to say, that is one pretty incredible story, Scully."
"You know, in some ways I honestly believe that I barely escaped becoming dinner myself," said Scully, with a slight sniff. "I probably got away within an inch of my life."
"Terrible. And to think that I was going to ask you to buy me another bag of candy."
Scully looked shocked. "What? But...why...why..you didn't believe that *I* ate all that chocolate, did you?"
"I'm very ashamed to say that I did, Scully," replied Mulder sadly.
"Well," snorted Scully, with outrage. "I have to say that I am deeply hurt. Shocked, surprised and hurt."
"I'm so very, very sorry. And to make up to you the mistake of my completely unfair assumption of your guilt," said Mulder, leaning over and whispering in her ear.
"I'm going to go out and buy you another bag of candy."
Slowly, Scully looked up and smiled at him, her eyes twinkling.
"Great. Could you make it toffee this time, Mulder? I think I heard some complaints about peanuts getting stuck in thoraxes."
Mulder grabbed his jacket as he walked to the door. "Well, we can't have that. Be back in minute," he said dryly, as he left the office.
Scully sat and thought for a moment, before running to the door and yelling down the hallway after him. "And some candy corn too, Mulder. Rumor has it that the mice from Mars are arriving at four. Oh, and make sure it's the ones with the chocolate on the bottom! And some SweetTarts! See if they have some butterscotch!"
"How do you know I'm mad?" asked Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."