Title: Good Samaritan Clause
Author: Ms. AM
Written: May 2000
Rating: R maybe NC-17ish?
Category: Post-ep, H
Keywords: M/S RST
Spoiler: Anything up to Je Souhaite
Archiving: If you like it and it gives you a laugh, you can have it. *G*

Disclaimer: I'm not rich, which I would be if I had any right to these characters at all or at least comfortably wealthy.

Summary: What if Mulder's *last* wish really wasn't his last? Pure humor if you want angst look elsewhere, there's none in here.

Dedicated to Jemirah, for her friendship, wonderful Beta-skills and request for me to try more comedy.


A good cup of coffee.

Yeah, right.

I haven't had a good cup of coffee since 1702 at that little place in Brazil.

This isn't even coffee. I came in here and asked for a strong blend, dark and satisfying. What I got was cap-pu... Cap-puc... Capoowhatever...

The server gave me a disgusted look and proceeded to pour me a cup from a machine that sounded like 100 peasants, getting their first look at shoes.

Anyway I don't like it and it's almost gone, along with my ti...

"Jeanette, how do you continue to do it?"

My name, well Agent Mulder was pretty close. I grimace as the large man I've come to despise sits in the chair across from me.

"It's a talent," I reply haughtily.

"Don't take that tone with me." He hisses, his voice low and deep. Power, you can hear the power in his voice and I know when I'm outclassed.

"Sorry."

"That's better. Well dear, another poor soul wasted a wish on you, how does that make you feel?"

"I feel fine, I got my cup of coffee and a few minutes to myself."

"But you always seem to end up back where you were. I'm beginning to think you have a sadistic streak."

"I don't, can I help it if someone wishes for me to have my wishes?"

"Not when you plant the seed there yourself, no, but you always forget to set a time... Whoops, I see your cup is empty. Let's go."

Nodding I stand and follow him out to a nearby alley. We both wait and it isn't long before we hear the wail.

"JENN! Jeannie...."

"Duty calls, my dear. You'd better be on your way." He tells me with a smile before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

He always has to be so dramatic.

**

O-KAY...

This is a new one.

"You bellowed, master."

"YES! I DID! What the hell is this? And don't call me master!"

I walk around the bed, inspecting the scene before me, cocking my head this way and that.

It's funny.

"Wellll... I'd say you and your partner -by the way hello again Agent Scully - are engaged in some form of sexual activity."

He gives me a glare.

"I KNOW that. What I want to know is what's happening right now."

"Well that's easy," I say. "There is a little known benefit to giving a genie their own wish."

Sweat beads his face, "And what is that, precisely?"

"It's kind of like a Good Samaritan clause, the wisher, that would be you, gets what's known as a rebound wish or a wish that occurs without premeditated thought."

Mulder begins shaking slightly and Scully moans into the bed.

"FUCK Mulder... Don't move..."

"I'm trying, I'm trying..."

"Let me show you," I say pointing my finger at the TV across the room.

The screen fills with the images of Mulder and Scully.

Removing clothing.

Kissing.

Caressing one another in strokes ranging from feather-light and short to firm, deep and long.

Moans fill the room from both the TV screen and Mulder and Scully when Scully shifts her hips.

On the screen Scully reclines on the bed running her own hands over her breasts, squeezing her nipples into hard points. Both Mulders let out a groan.

"You are so fucking sexy, Scully," TV Mulder states, which is echoed with a vigorous nod from in the flesh Mulder, the motion elicits a deep guttural cry from Scully as she climaxes.

"Jesus... Mulder..."

Screen Mulder is taking charge, flipping Scully unceremoniously onto her stomach and yanks her hips back.

He grabs her thighs, spreading her legs apart, knees near the edge of the bed.

"Ready, Scully?"

"Yes," she hisses. "Please, now."

With that Mulder steadies his cock and thrusts into her with the aim of a sharpshooter. He hauls her hips back, pausing, rotating his own hips, and driving Scully into her first orgasm.

"Christ, Scully... I wish, I wish..." He pants, looking at the reflection of them in the TV screen, "I feel like a dog... Oh god... Wanna hump you all night... Alllll-night... Don't wanna stop."

"Me too..." Scully echoes, followed by, "Mulder? What? Oh, oh..."

She climaxes again, Mulder thrusting erratically until he too erupts in pleasure. He starts to withdraw and finds himself unable.

"Scully? I, I can't pull out."

Scully giggles before trying to move her own hips forward and feels a pressure, a blockage preventing their separation. The movement causes Mulder to harden again.

"OK, OK I've seen enough!" Mulder yells.

"You don't have to yell," I tell him calmly. "It's not my fault you wished to 'fuck' I believe was your terminology, to 'Fuck you like a dog, Scully!'"

"I never said THAT!"

I walk around until I'm standing beside him and, hey I'm only human, well, er, sort of, checking out his *fine* backside. Actually now that I see Agent Scully's creamy ass in the air, I think if I swung 'that' way... Hubba, hubba.

I start laughing, receiving glares from both of them.

"Help us," Mulder finally asks.

"I can't," I sigh.

"Why NOT?"

"Because my time is up and all your wishes have been fulfilled," I reply.

He looks panicked, "You aren't just going to LEAVE us like this, ARE YOU?!"

I seem to ponder the question for a moment before smiling and replying, "Yes."

"You CAN'T! You, you just CAN'T!" He sputters out.

"Hey I knew you wouldn't be stupid enough to wish for larger equipment, which by the way I can tell you didn't need any help in that department anyway, but I never figured you want a dick like a dog's."

"I didn't! I didn't even know about the fucking rebound wish or I would have been censoring my thoughts!"

I lean closer to him, "That's the point of a 'special' wish, it has to be uninhibited. Besides," I smirk. "Your partner seems to be enjoying the added 'dimension' to your hoo-hoo. Think positive."

I can't resist smacking his right ass-cheek.

He lunges forward, hips grinding into Scully's ass pressing her body flat into the mattress; long, low moans are forced from them both. Wow, they are quivering against each other.

Must have been good.

Glad I could help.

A few moments go by and Scully doesn't move. Mulder gently moves her hair away from her neck. I see a small lump on her skin that he kisses tenderly.

"Scully?"

He whispers into her ear, rousing her.

That Scully is a pretty limber gal as with Mulder's help they manage to end up facing each other. He holds her tightly around the waist with one arm and stretches out on his back. Her body ends up covering his like a blanket.

They give new meaning to the phrase joined together.

"I gotta go." I tell them, but as I am fading away I can hear Mulder moaning out.

"Scully... Oh... Yeesss... Ride ME..."

Dogs and now a horse reference?

Maybe people have changed in 500 years.

It's a sick world.

Now, where did I put that rug? And why didn't I convince Agent Mulder to have it steam-cleaned for me?

The End.

 

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