Title: Girl's Night Out 2
Author: Weyer
Written: January 1998
Category: Crossover/Humor
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Keywords: X-FIles/La Femme Nikita/Melrose Place/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover
Disclaimer: Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and the FOX network own the X-Files. I don't know who owns the rest.

Summary: An assassian, a Slayer, some weird women, a cult and a demon make for an interesting vacation.

Archivist's note: find part one here: http://fluky.gossamer.org/display.php?GirlsNightOut

Another product of too much pizza and too little sleep. Hope you like it.

An FBI agent who only wanted a quiet vacation.

A teenager who spends her time studying, shopping and slaying vampires.

An ad executive, a receptionist, a poor little rich girl, a bartender and a nutcase connected by a series of bad relationships to the same men.

A government assassin trying to stop herself from killing them all.

They all wound up being abducted by a team of professional mercenaries.

Now they have to fight an alliance of vampires and amurderous cult intent on destroying California.

Welcome to L.A.Girl's Night Out 2: An X-Files/La Femme Nikita/Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Melrose Place crossover by Michael Weyer

Gillian Anderson
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Heather Locklear
Jamie Luner
Alyssa Milano
Lisa Rinna
Kelly Rutherford
Peta Wilson

Scully should have gotten the hint at the airport. The moment she stepped onto the terminal, she was assaulted by a young man with a shaved head wearing a brown robe. "Have you offered your soul to our lord?"

A lapsed Catholic, Scully was never comfortable talking about religion. "Sorry, not today," she said, pushing the man aside.

"His Lord Carons comes!" The man yelled after her. "Prepare your soul and you may be spared!"

"I hate California," Scully muttered. She didn't want to come here. Really she didn't. If only she hadn't owed Mulder a favor. When he learned she had vacation time coming up, he had somehow talked her into checking out some activity in an L.A. suburb. Scully didn't want to. She *really* didn't want to. The last time she had tried to do a favor for Mulder, she'd ended up involved in a crazy conspiracy. Mulder still hadn't stopped riding her about it. But, he did pay for her ticket, so she figured she might as well check out what he wanted and then spend a couple days at the beach. Maybe she'd even get to Disneyland.

Amanda was in an extremely angry mood. Considering that she spent most of her time angry, that was saying something. Marching down the terminal, she cursed under her breath. She knew she shouldn't have left town. It just gave Taylor a chance to suck up to Kyle. When she had called Kyle the night before, she heard Taylor's voice in the background. Someone was going to have hell to pay when she got to the apartment building.

Heading towards the terminal, Amanda caught a familiar face in the corner of her eye. Slowing down, she was surprised to see Lexi and Jennifer sitting at a nearby bar having coffee. Curious, the gorgeous blonde in the business suit waled toward them. The two women were about the same age. Jennifer had black curly hair past her shoulders and was wearing one of the outfits that practically screamed "slut." That was one reason Amanda hated her. The fact that she was the sister of Michael Mancini, one of the most vile men Amanda knew, and had once had an affair with Kyle didn't help. Amanda was a little wary of Lexi, since the red-haired woman in the expensive suit was currently dating Peter, Amanda's ex-husband.

"Don't tell me, the sailors are coming to town?" Amanda asked as she came up.

"Well, if it isn't mistake number two," Lexi said, a slight Georgia accent in her voice. "That's Peter's pet name for you."

"Michael, Peter and Coop headed out to a conference in San Diego," Jennifer explained. "We came here to see them off."

"What did you need from Michael?"

"A couple grand. It's for this party I'm throwing tomorrow."

"And you?" Amanda asked Lexi.

"Oh, I just wanted to give Peter a great good-bye present," Lexi smiled. "Only Coop didn't want to watch the fun." Considering Coop was Lexi's ex-husband, whom she bled for every cent, that wasn't surprising. Amanda quickly decided to skip the subject. "Well, nice seeing you again. Are either of you planning to leave town? I'll pay your tickets."

"I thought you'd be paying for Taylor's," Lexi said.

Amanda stared at her. "Taylor is here?"

Jennifer nodded. "Yeah, she came to pick up Megan. She just got back from that seminar in San Francisco."

"Really," Amanda said. "If you'll excuse me." Without waiting for a reply, she turned and began marching towards the baggage pick-up.

Jennifer grabbed her purse and stood up. "Come on, this is going to be good."

"You think they'll get into a fight in the middle of an airport?"

"Twenty bucks says they'll need fire hoses to stop them."

Scully reached the baggage claim and waited for her bag to come through. Next to her stood a young, blonde-haired teenager wearing a jump suit that seemed to suit her lithe form. She was impatiently tapping a foot on the ground as she looked at her watch. "In a hurry?" Scully asked.

"I gotta get home before dark," the teenager replied.


"Let's just say I'll feel a lot more secure inside tonight," Buffy replied. She clenched one hand. She knew this was a bad idea. When Giles told her that a special ceremony was going to take place that would keep the vampires of Sunnydale occupied, she had jumped for the chance at her first vacation in a long time. Seattle had been fun and seeing her cousins was all right, but the ceremony was scheduled to end in a few hours and that meant open season on mortals. A hell of a way to come home.

Across the baggage carrier stood two women. One had large pouty lips, short dark hair and a simple dress. The other had long blond hair, intelligent features along with a pair of slacks, a white blouse and a tan jacket. "Thanks again for picking me up," Megan said as the bags began moving out. "It wasn't my choice, understand, but you're the only person I know who was available, unfortunetly."

"Boy, you sleep with someone's husband and you never hear the end of it," Taylor replied.

"Taylor, if it weren't for the fact that you dumped Michael like a hot potato, I wouldn't be speaking to you right now."

"Do the words, 'live and let live' mean anything to you? I mean, I forgave Kyle when he slept with Jennifer."

"Then that makes you an idiot. Now you're sucking back up to him. You really should be careful. Amanda doesn't like it when people try to steal her men."

"Oh, what's she going to do?"

"I think you're about to find out," Megan said, nodding over Taylor's shoulder. Glancing back, Taylor saw Amanda marching towards her, Lexi and Jennifer a few feet behind her. "Oh, please make it go away," Taylor said as she turned her back.

"So, been busy while I've been away?" Amanda asked as soon as she came within earshot.

Taylor gave her a fake smile. "Now, Amanda, Kyle has just been consoling me. You know how bad it's been since you caused me to lose the baby."

"You were never pregnant, Taylor. You know it and I know it. So, why don't you knock this off? Stay away from Kyle. I mean it."

Taylor shrugged. "We own a business. We have to work together."

Scully and Buffy could hear Amanda's teeth grind from where they stood. Both were quite relieved to see their bags arrive. Grabbing them off, the two headed towards the shuttle area. Amanda also headed over there, only to have Megan and Taylor following her. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm sorry, I've got to get to my car," Taylor said. "Believe me, I'm not in the habit of traveling with people I hate."

"Funny, I do it all the time," Scully muttered under her breath. She prayed the shuttle would be short as she stepped outside. The shuttle to parking was waiting there, the driver opening the doors for his passengers. The women piled in, Amanda, Lexi and Jennifer in the seats behind the driver, Scully and Buffy behind them and Megan and Taylor taking up the rear. The driver pulled out and into traffic.

"God, give me a warm bath and a soft bed," Amanda muttered to herself. "And don't let anyone else be in it at the time."

Buffy glanced out the window and frowned. "Um, excuse me," she said to the driver. "But we just passed the car lot."

"Unscheduled stop," the driver replied.

Scully's instincts were sending out serious danger signals. "For what?" she asked, wishing that her gun wasn't stuck in her bag.

In answer, the driver hit a button on the dashboard. A plastic screen slid up, cutting the driver off from the passenger side. All the doors locked at once. From the air vents on the side came a thick green smoke. "Oh, god," Scully said as she felt a wave of dizziness come over her. "Not again..." Her head slumped onto her shoulders as she fell back on her seat, landing on Buffy. None of the women were conscious enough to notice the van turning to a side alley.

Scully blearily opened her eyes and tried to get her faculties together. Her head still buzzed from the gas, but her vision was clearing. Blinking, she took in her surroundings. She could see a cramped, darkened cell, with a single bulb lighting it. Scully was chained to a wall, her arms above her. There was enough slack so it didn't hurt too much to stand up. Her coat had been stripped off her along with her phone, but otherwise, she seemed intact. Next to her, Buffy was blinking her eyes open and standing up. "Ick," she said. "This is not happening here. Chains and small rooms don't go together, not the kind of thing I'd like."

"Taylor would," Amanda said as she stood up. The rest soon awoke, all chained to the walls and all suffering from immense headaches. "Where the hell are we?" Lexi said.

"Either Mad von Ludwig's dungeon or Rob Lowe's taken up a different lifestyle," Jennifer said. The door creaked open with a huge squeak and in walked a bearded man wearing a red robe. "Ladies," he said. "Welcome to the last room you will ever see."

"Do you always introduce yourself like that?" Megan asked.

"My name is Charles and I am a loyal servant of our great Lord Carons, the chaos-bringer and the destroyer of all creation."

"Nice, does he have an office here in L.A.?" Amanda asked. "I may want to call him, do some advertising work. Bringing about the end of the world is a big event. I can give him posters, TV airplay, radio, maybe a billboard by the highway--"

"Our lord has no need for such primitive signs," Charles said. "His signs shall be the freezing of the deserts, the boiling of the oceans, the winds blowing down the cities--"

"And Rush Limbaugh will become a liberal and the Spice Girls will get some talent," Buffy said. "Could you tell us what we're doing here?"

"You are to be the device that brings our lord to Earth," Charles said. "Soon, you will be delivered, bloodless, to his pit, fed to his glory. And with the power of your souls, he shall again walk upon this earth and he shall bring about an end to its immoral populace! The sinners shall die, die, the buildings will fall, fall, the vile civilizations will crumble, crumble--"

"All except yours, yours, right?" Taylor asked.

Charles looked at them all. "Enjoy your final moments upon this earth. And be glad that your deaths will be immortalized forever, instead of becoming part of a history that no longer exists." With that, he turned and left, closing the door after him.

"Sure knows how to cheer a girl up," Lexi remarked.

"Okay, this guy's beyond crazy, beyond homicidal, he's now into the realm of the truly ga-ga," Jennifer said.

Buffy had been silent ever since the word "bloodless" had been spoken. Unlike the others, she knew demons existed. And she had a sinking feeling that she knew what they were working with.

"Figures, the one time I take a vacation, this happens," Scully muttered.

"Just who are you anyhow?" Megan asked.

"Dana Scully, Special Agent, FBI." As she spoke, Scully examined her chains, trying to see if there was any way she could get it open.

"Always knew you guys would attract the Feds someday," Megan remarked.

"Oh, shut up," Taylor remarked. "Any ideas on how we're getting out of this?"

"We could drain the collagen out of your lips and use it to slide out of the chains," Lexi good-naturedly replied.

"Oh, join the FBI lady and get your hair dyed again."

"What's wrong with my hair?" Scully asked.

"Nothing a decent salon couldn't fix."

"Look who's talking," Jennifer snorted. "You use a weed whacker for your head."

"Kyle likes it."

"That's not what I heard," Amanda and Jennifer said at once. They glared at one another.

"Is there something going on we should know about?" Buffy said.

"They both slept with my husband," Taylor said, sniffing.

"Ex-husband," Amanda and Jennifer said together. They glared at one another.

"Will you stop that?" Scully asked.

"Like you're one to talk about stealing husbands," Megan said. "You took Michael away from me."

"Oh, please, I've slept with him, it was no loss."

"You're the one I feel sorry for, Megan," Lexi said. "You've got to sleep with Coop now."

"Hey, Coop's a nice guy."

"Yeah, until he's awake."

"Well, you've got Peter," Amanda said. "Trust me, you better keep him on a tight leash. He walked away from me for her," she jerked her head towards Taylor. "What do you think'll happen when he sees something better?"

"Honey, there is nothing better."

A heated discussion followed, with all the women screaming at each other at once while Buffy and Scully stared at one another, not believing any of this.

"QUIET!" Scully yelled at last. The cell instantly became quiet. Scully took a deep breath before speaking. "Let me get this all straight," she said. She nodded to Amanda. "You were married to Peter." She nodded to Taylor. "You were married to Kyle." She glanced at Jennifer. "You had an affair with Kyle while he was married to Taylor. Peter left you," she glanced at Amanda, "for her." Taylor. "And Kyle left her," Taylor. "For you." Amanda. "Peter left her," Taylor. "And started an affair with you," Lexi. "Taylor then went after Michael, who was married to you," Megan. "Now you are with Coop, who was married to her," Lexi. "For the last few weeks, Kyle's been bounced from you," Amanda, "to you," Taylor, "with Amanda finally getting him."

"That's about it," Megan said.

Scully stared at them all. "God and I thought Chinatown was complicated."

"So, all of you have been cheating with each other's boyfriends and/or husbands?" Buffy asked. "Why the hell do you people stay together?" That left them all at a loss for words for a moment. Only for a moment.

"Kyle will know I'm missing, he's probably already mounting a search," Amanda said.

"Oh, god, we're all dead," Taylor muttered.

Jennifer blew a strand of hair off her face. "I don't care if it's Kyle, Billy, Peter, Michael, Coop--"

"How many men do you know?" Buffy said.

"--Or even Craig. I just want somebody to bust through that door right now."

As if on cue, the door opened and a figure walked in with a hood over its head. The figure quickly yanked the hood off to show a young woman with long blond hair and hard, though attractive, features. Scully took one look at her and immediately rolled her eyes. If she could have, she would knocked herself on the head. "Oh, god, not you!"

"Nice to see you too," the woman said in a hard Australian tone. She pulled off the robe to show a black outfit with a utility belt and several pockets, a holster with a very nasty looking gun on it and a set of keys clutched in one hand. She went over to Scully and began to unlock her chains. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Ladies, meet Nikita," Scully said. "She works for a covert section of the government that'll deny existing. Talk to her wrong and she'll slit your throat."

"Glad to see you remember me," Nikita said as she began unlocking the chains on the others. "My section had me infiltrate this little cult. They think they're behind the kidnapping and murder of the daughter of a Senator. They were right but these guys are seriously out there."

"Why'd they grab us and how?" Amanda asked as Nikita unhooked her.

"Hospital records on you five, grabbed the other two by accident. They were interested in all of you mainly because of the fact none of you have been pregnant."

Amanda glared at Taylor, a smile on her face. "I knew she was never pregnant, I knew it!"

"So sue me," Taylor replied.

"These guys want to sacrifice you to bring about this Carons guy. Up to us, they'd do it. My people don't really care about you but these guys want to usher in the arrival of their god by using a missile to blow up downtown L.A. I was sent to stop them."

"Where are we?" Lexi asked.

"Underground lair kept underneath the desert. They like to keep cool while they plan Armageddon. Half of these guys are cultists, looneys, but dangerous. The other half are a bunch of weirdos, only come at night. They seem real eager to help bring about this destruction."

Unnoticed by the others, Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. Her worst suspicions had just been confirmed.

Nikita opened up the door and took a pair of guns out of a zipped pocket in her jacket. She threw one to Scully, who expertly caught it and chambered in a bullet. "I've got to get you guys out," Nikita said. "Hopefully, the side access tunnel will be open." She led the others out of the cell and into a cavernous hallway. It seemed to be formed out of rock, with lighted torches providing the only illumination. Standing a short way down the hall were three men, all well-built and all with faces that seemed more animal than human, large fangs visible in their open jaws.

"Shit," Nikita muttered. "I was hoping they wouldn't catch on to us this fast." She and Scully both raised their pistols, only to have Buffy put a hand on their shoulders. "Um, I wouldn't do that," she said. "It'll just make them mad."

After giving Buffy an incredulous look, Nikita and Scully aimed and fired off two shots apiece. They ripped into the men coming forward but didn't stop them. The two fired again, but the three kept coming. What made it all the more eerie was the fact that Nikita and Scully could see the bullets go into their flesh, but they didn't seem to be having any effect.

Sighing, Buffy leaped forward, jumping right over Scully and Nikita. She threw herself into a series of backflips that ended with both feet ramming into one man's face. Cartwheeling, Buffy landed two kicks into another man's mid-section, knocking him back. She backhanded the third man and knocked him into a wall, lined with wooden barriers for handholds. Growling, the man ripped the banister away and swung it at Buffy. Buffy grabbed the end of the spear and pulled at it, yanking the man towards her. She punched him in the face, causing him to lose his grip on the spear. She jammed the spear right into the chest of the man behind her. The man gasped with pain before suddenly turning into a cloud of dust. Buffy broke the staff over her knee, producing two pieces of wood. She expertly swung them in attack movements, landing a series of blows on one man, whacking a staff over the face of the other. She spun on the ground, her leg knocking both men down. She slid in between them and jammed one of the wooden staffs into each of their hearts. Both men exploded in a pile of dust.

Buffy stood up, not even breathing hard. She glanced up to see the rest of the women staring at her in utter amazement. Buffy sighed. The more they knew, the better. "These guys were vampires. Now, I don't want to hear any crap from anyone like 'There's no such thing as vampires' because you just saw them turn into dust. I've been killing these guys for a while and I can tell you there is such a thing as vampires. And demons and monsters, so this Lord Carons guy probably does exist. That means we've got to stop these guys here and now or they'll eventually bring this guy to life and ring in the end of the world. The cultists are humans, you can shoot 'em how much you like. Now, each of these guys is real strong and real fast and you can only kill them by driving a stake through their hearts. I know all this because I'm the Chosen One, the girl fated to become the Slayer and defend humanity from the vampires. Compared to my math class, this is easy. Now, can we all agree that what we are dealing with is, in fact, a bunch of real vampires. Can we all agree on that?"

After a moment's pause, the others mutely nodded. Nodding, Buffy began to grab torches off the wall, extinguishing the flames to form makeshift stakes. She walked over and gave one to each of the women. "Now, let's go kick some ass." With that, she turned and strode down the hallway. Nikita paused before following, Scully right behind her. The others stayed and stared at one another. "Do you believe any of this?" Amanda generally asked.

"Not a word," Lexi said. "But we still have to go."

Amanda shook her head. "And I thought Kimberly and Sydney were nuts."

The main chamber of the complex was massive. A ramp had been cut out of the stone and snaked down to a huge amphitheater, highlighted by a platform lying on a slab of rock, a raging bonfire and a huge pit right in the center. Hanging above the pit, pointed right at the ceiling above, was a very large and very nasty looking missile attached to an intricate scaffold. Two masses stood in the chamber: The robed disciples of Carons and the grunge-dressed vampires. The cultists were slowly chanting and bowing before the pit, speaking in a Latin tongue.

In a cave just above the ramp at the entrance of the chamber, the women huddled together. "Okay, exit is on that side of the room," Nikita said softly. "Unfortunetly, we've got to get through the chamber to get to it."

"Great," Scully muttered. "Once, just once, could the Almighty cut me some slack?"

"God's in the details," Nikita remarked. "Details make up our reality."

"Deep," Jennifer said. "You should send that in to *Reader's Digest.* They've got a whole page for shit like that."

"There's one thing here I don't understand," Taylor said.

"One thing?" Megan asked.

"Why do these vampires want to blow up a few blocks of L.A.? Sure, they'll get approval ratings from the rest of the country, but what's in it for them?"

"Chaos, destruction, the rise of an ancient god, all the good-spirited tomfoolery they go for," Buffy said. "How dangerous is that missile?"

"Not nuke, thank god," Nikita said. "But it does pack enough punch to blow downtown into the Pacific."

"Okay, you try to defuse the missile," Buffy said. "Scully, you get these too-old-for-"Party of Five"-rejects out that exit. I'll seal off the pit."

"How?" Nikita asked.

"What, you think I plan any of this stuff ahead? I'll wing it. It's what I did on my driver's ed test." Buffy neglected to mention that she had failed her driver's ed test. She moved forward, somersaulting off the edge and onto the ramp, diving into the shadows before she was noticed.

"Now what?" Scully asked.

"I'll try to find a way over to the missile," Nikita said. "Good luck with these guys." She slid over to the edge, taking a small harpoon-shaped device from her belt. Sliding onto her belly, she aimed the device towards the nuke and fired. The harpoon shot out, a long cord of high-tensile wire attached to it. It latched onto a beam next to the nuke. Taking a deep breath, she jumped forward, swinging on the cable and landing on a girder next to the missile.

"Our tax dollars at work," Amanda muttered.

"Now you see why I don't pay them," Lexi muttered.

"I'm in hell, I'm simply in hell," Scully muttered as she stood up. She motioned the women towards the wall. As carefully as they could, they moved down the side of the wall. Scully was being careful, using the most of her training. The others had all been involved with some sort of skulduggery at one point or another and they could handle hiding as well. They slowly moved down the circular walkway, trying to keep out of sight. Scully glanced behind her as they neared the bottom, amazed that it was working. When she turned around, she came face to face with a feral-looking creature with a nasty smile revealing his fangs. "Evening," he said.

Scully jabbed her pistol into the vampire's chest. He looked down at it and laughed. "Think that'll stop me, lady?"

"You're right," Scully nodded. She aimed the pistol in between the man's legs and fired. The vampire bent over in pain and Scully raised a knee to his face. "Change of plans!" she yelled. "Split up and find the exit!"

"STOP THEM!!!" Charles yelled as he caught sight of the troupe. Immediately, the women found themselves facing a small army of cultists and vampires.

"Bloody amateurs," Nikita muttered. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small remote control. It was time for her back-up plan. "Get down!" she screamed at the group before hitting the red button. Instantly, explosives went off around the cavern, the charges Nikita had secretly placed detonating. Several cultists and vampires were hurled into the air, some in pieces. A haze of smoke covered the room, adding to the mass confusion.

Nikita rappelled down the railing to the ground. She was a sitting duck if she stayed and tried to defuse the missile. The attackers took priority. Her feet hit the ground and she unhooked herself in time to see a vampire lunge toward her. The vampire suddenly exploded into dust in mid-air and Buffy stood behind him, stake held ready. "This your idea?" she said, gesturing towards the chaos.

"Makes it tougher for them to find us. What they can't see, they can't hit."

"What about what *we* can't see?"

"So, it's not perfect. Come on."

Megan backed up, trying to find a way to safety through the smoke. She felt a hand upon her and spun to see a cultist lunge at her with a knife. She dodged it, grabbing the man by the arm and pulling him over her shoulder. She kicked him in the gut and stepped on his arm, causing him to drop the knife. Hearing a sound behind her, she stabbed out a foot, catching a vampire in  the gut. She spun and rammed a stake into his chest. She backed up and watched, amazed as the vampire turned into dust. She felt a hand on her shoulder and spun, fist raised.

"Whoa, relax!" Lexi said, holding up her hands. She looked at the downed cultist and the small pile of dust. "How'd you do that?"

"Girl had to take care of herself on the streets," Megan answered with a shrug. Her eyes widened as a vampire snuck behind Lexi. Without looking, Lexi threw out a fist that nailed the vamp in the face and jammed her stake into him. "How'd you do that?" Megan said, amazed.

"I grew up on a plantation with five brothers. Figure it out."

Taylor, Amanda and Jennifer ran through the smoke, heading for the nearest exit. They shoved their way past cultists who had no idea what was going on. Taylor yelped as a vampire tackled her to the ground. Amanda and Jennifer stopped and looked at her. "What do we do?" Amanda said.

"Well, we could just say good riddance and celebrate with a few drinks later," Jennifer replied.

Amanda looked at her. "Do you really hate her enough to watch while she gets killed?"

Jennifer pursed her lips. "Funny, I always thought I would."

"Me too. Damn." They ran over and tried to pull the vampire off Taylor, with little success. Jennifer jammed the stake into the man's back, with no effect. "The heart, you stupid tramp, the heart!" Taylor yelled as she tried to shove the vampire off of her. Amanda jammed her stake into the man's heart. Taylor choked as the dust fell on her. "You did that on purpose! Look at this, I've got vampire in my hair."

"I'm already regretting this," Amanda said as Jennifer helped Taylor up.

Scully lashed out a kick to a cultist's face. Snap-aiming, she fired off a shot into the chest of another. She heard a sound behind her and saw two vampires rushing towards her. Suddenly, they blew apart, dust smacking into her face. Shaking her head, she saw Buffy running through the smoke, placing a pair of arrows into a bow. "Where's Nikita?" Scully asked. She knew she didn't want to know where Scully got the bow and arrows.

"Still going for the missile. Lady just can't take a hint and stay out of trouble," Buffy said as she fired another arrow.

Nikita shoved her way past the cultists, trying to make it to the missile. Through the haze, she saw Charles reaching the control console. Nikita moved forward, knocking aside anyone in her way. A kick to a cultist's head. A gunshot to a vampire's face. A stake in a heart. She rolled through the crowd, letting nothing stop her from reaching the control board.

Scully, Buffy, Taylor, Lexi, Amanda, Jennifer and Megan gathered in the center of the chamber, fighting off the horde of maddened and undead as they went. "Are we having fun, ladies?" Buffy announced as she fired off another pair of arrows.

"Who are you supposed to be, Wilma Tell?" Taylor asked.

"I could kill her now," Jennifer muttered to Amanda. "Come on, no one would know."

"Jesus, they're worse than Sherman in Georgia!" Lexi said.

"I knew she was going to make a Southern reference," Jennifer said. "I just knew it."

"Last time I saw men this slimy was at my meeting with my last client," Amanda said as she backhanded a cultist.

"You girls had it too easy," Megan remarked as she threw her stake into a vampire. "I've seen twice as worst as this on Hollywood Boulevard on a Saturday night."

"You know, I think I'd rather die underground fighting a bunch of vampires," Scully said. "Than live another minute with you lunatics!"

At the control panel, Nikita and Charles were in the midst of a hand to hand struggle. Charles was a surprisingly good fighter, but Nikita had been trained by the best. She knocked him back with a punch, bloodying his nose. She dodged a kick and knocked him into the panel. Unseen by both, a light blinked on, indicating the missile was armed.

Nikita whipped her head around to see a vampire lunging at her. Letting go of Charles, she did a perfect backflip, her feet catching the vampire right in the face. He flew back, knocking into two cultists. The trio went over the edge of the pit, falling below. Their screams were suddenly cut off mid-way.

A rumble went throughout the chamber, shaking everyone. "You know, on any other night, this would seem unusual," Scully remarked off hand. The rumble subsided, only to be replaced by a low growling. As one, everyone's eyes turned to the pit. A huge, scaly, simmering green hand came out of it and grabbed the edge of the pit. Another hand joined it. Emerging from the well was a monstrous creature, thirty feet high. His skin was a scaly green and seemed to be on fire at some places. His face was a mass of bony protrusions, with two mammoth horns, flaring nostrils, dark eyes and a gaping mouth. "CARONS HAS COME!" it said in a voice that shook the cavern.

"What the hell is that?" Jennifer said.

"I think 'hell' is the operative term," Scully remarked.

Charles fell to his knees, arms held up. "My Lord!" he cried. "We have awaited your coming! We have prayed for you! We were prepared to sacrifice to you--"


"Yes, My Lord! And you can feast upon the immoral of the populace, so those of us pure to you can replenish the world! Your will is our command, My Lord!"

"AH, BUT ALMOST ALL MEN ARE IMMORAL, PRIEST. SO MY FEAST MUST BEGIN HERE AND NOW." Without warning, Carons reached out and grabbed Charles. The man screamed as his flesh burnt in the demon's grasp. His screams lasted only as long as Carons dumped him into his flaming mouth.

"Well, that's one way to convert someone," Amanda said.

"Boy, you can't trust your homicidal demi-god, who can you trust?" Taylor asked. Everyone stared at her. "I was joking."

"Thanks for letting us know," Lexi said.

"Well, the guy's a demon, what'd you expect?" Buffy shrugged.

"WHAT'S THAT TERM YOU HUMANS HAVE?" Carons asked. "OH YES. IT'S CHOW TIME!" He reached out and grabbed a handful of cultists and demons, throwing them into his mouth like they were jelly beans.

"Suggestions?" Lexi asked.

"Recite the Hail Mary?" Jennifer said.

"I thought it'd end differently," Scully said, apros of nothing. "I don't know, less ignominiously. Get shot by a crook, run over by a car, maybe die in bed at 80. This was never an option to me."

"Someone think of something!" Taylor yelled.

"You don't want to die like an M&M?" Megan asked.

"I don't want to die with you!"

"Now, if that's not incentive, I don't know what is," Buffy said. She broke off and ran towards the missile stand, where Nikita was hiding behind the console as Carons struck out at the remaining cultists. "That thing's armed, right?" she asked as she slid next to the assassin.

"Yeah, but what good is that going to do?" Nikita asked.

"Trust me."

By this point, the cultists and vampires that hadn't been killed had run for the hills. Carons turned his attention to the women, who were pushed against the wall on the far side of the chamber. "AND THE BEST FOR LAST," he said, licking his lips with a hideously dripping tongue.

"Hey, asshole!" Carons turned to see Buffy and Nikita standing by the control console. "You looked!" Buffy yelled as she flipped a switch. The clamps holding the missile in place unlocked, with the exception of one. The missile swung down, turning upside down and hitting Carons in the back of the head. He fell down into the pit, howling with pain, his mouth wide open. "Say ahh," Buffy intoned as she hit a button. The missile ignited, blasting free of the remaining clamp, shooting down right into Carons' mouth. The impact knocked him into the pit, driving him down into the ground.

"I see it, but I do not believe it," Amanda said.

"Anyone left standing, we are bugging out of here!" Nikita screamed. She led the way to the passage, down a hallway and to a freight elevator. After they had piled in, Nikita hit a button, sending the elevator up. She glanced at her watch as the car raced upwards. "Less than a minute," she said.

"Less than a minute till what?" Taylor asked.

"Until that missile blows," Nikita answered matter-of- factly. The elevator stopped and the doors opened to what appeared to be the back of a convenience store. Nikita led the charge outside, running past the road and to a small ditch. "Down!" she yelled, ducking into the ditch, her hands over her head. The others followed suit.

The ground shuddered with a huge explosion. The blast erupted from the pit and ripped at the ceiling, collapsing the entire chamber. A huge crater suddenly appeared in the desert floor, sinking a hole the size of a shopping mall into the ground. A huge cloud of dust blew away as the women slowly stood up and gazed at the sight.

"Now that's a hell of a redeco," Lexi said.

"Well, that's that," Buffy said, brushing off her jacket. "Damn, I think I cracked a nail."

Jennifer stared at her. "What are you so calm about? We just fought off a demon and blew up a section of the desert?"

"You see one demon, you see them all."

"Oh, great. Now I don't have to worry, should I meet any other demons."

"That's it," Taylor said, shaking her head. "I am never going to travel with you again," she pointed to Amanda.

"What, this is my fault? How could I have predicted this."

"You're the plague, Amanda. Wherever you go, trouble follows."

"You know, I have to agree with Taylor on this one," Jennifer said. "Because of that damn building you own, our lives have been a total mess."

"And you think that's by design? What, you think there's a guy who writes up all this stuff just to entertain himself."

"With our lives, we're talking four or five guys," Megan said.

"So, now what?" Scully asked.

Nikita looked at her watch. "Disneyland will be opening soon. Wanna go?"

"You paying?"



"Hey, wait a minute, we're like, a hundred miles away from Anaheim," Buffy said. "You guys are going to walk that whole way?"

"You want to stay and get a ride with them?" Scully said, nodding towards the others.

Buffy looked at the group, who were all arguing with each other at the top of their voices, their conversations overlapping. She looked back at Scully and Nikita. "I get dibs on the front seat at Space Mountain." With that, the agent, the assassin and the Slayer walked off, leaving the five women to argue long into the coming day.

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