Title: A Day in Hell
Author: Reese
Written: August 1998
Keywords: dark humor
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Featuring: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Margaret Scully, Alex Krycek, Walter Skinner, Agent Pendrell, Samantha Mulder, The Cigarette Smoking Man
This story is rated R overall (for "violence, language, and sexual situations")

Summary: This story is a darkly humorous exploration of Mulder's worst fears.

October 31, 1998 Washington, DC

As the windshield wipers moved mechanically back and forth, sweeping the torrents of rain away in thick, slushy waves, Mulder drove his Ford Taurus on through the thick morning air. Although he could physically sense everything around him, he registered no emotional response, even when he hit yet another red light. The radio was playing Don McLean's "American Pie," and Mulder, his face expressionless, silently bobbed his head to the rhythmic cadences of the piano and drums. Did you write the book of love and Do you have faith in God above If the Bible tells you so?

In a brilliant flash, it seemed to him that he was no longer driving to another long day at work in the basement of the FBI headquarters, but sitting there, slumped over in his chair, in a hospital room at Fairfax Mercy Hospital. Dana Scully, not more than five feet away from him, lay on the floor in a spreading pool of her own blood, a bullet hole marring the soft fairness of her ethereal visage. Robert Patrick Modell sat across from him with a satisfied grin on his face, a smirk that told Mulder that he had lost and could do nothing. There wasn't a single revenge Mulder could take that would bring his partner back, no matter how fiercely the desire burned within his soul. His partner... And, do you have faith in rock and roll, can Music save your mortal soul, and Can you teach me how to dance Real slow?

...And the only thing good in his life. As Mulder dropped the gun in helpless resignation, he covered his face in his hands and wept. All Mulder could see was Scully's face, showing him the smile that he would never see again and treasure up in his heart forever, like all the other Scully smiles. Well I know that you're in love with him, 'cause I Saw you dancin' in the gym You both kicked off your shoes Man, I dig those rhythm and blues!

Falling. Mulder felt himself propelled downward, irrevocably drawn into the cold, dark, fathomless chasm from which he would never emerge. Somewhere, high above, Scully was watching him and loving him, but Mulder didn't think he would ever see her again.

They stood alone in a field of flowers and stone. Only the bitter coldness of the air and the yellow leaves scattered on the ground evinced the passage of time.

"I did this. I... I killed her," Mulder said in a lifeless daze as he stood over Dana Katherine Scully's grave, not caring for the rain as it fell in a drizzle.

He looked to his side and saw Margaret Scully looking at him with a pained, yet compassionate and understanding, look in her eyes. Her eyes bored into his very soul, and Mulder felt as if he would crumble to brittle pieces under the piercing gaze which saw everything and missed nothing. What was it about Margaret Scully that gave her the power to see right through him?

Oh, I was a lonely teenage bruncken buck with a Pink carnation and a pickup truck, but

"No, Fox," Margaret said, reaching over to clasp his hand. "Dana... knows that you... didn't mean to. She knows you cared about her so much--"

Her voice choking, Margaret bit back tears that fell anyway as she turned away and shut her eyes, releasing Mulder's hand. She mumbled that she was sorry, but Mulder was the one who felt sorry. He hadn't imagined there could be anything worse than losing Dana Scully, but as he brooded in silent melancholy over the unforgiving tombstone before him, he felt at that moment that there was. He had broken a mother's heart. A mother who had loved her daughter more than life itself, and perhaps, just perhaps, had quietly cherished a starry-eyed dream for Dana and Fox, deep in her heart.

Mulder, still holding a bouquet of roses, knelt down before the grave and ran his finger lovingly and with terrible longing over her name. As Margaret Scully looked on, Mulder laid the flowers down, closed his eyes, and earnestly prayed for a forgiveness he would never see, and a redemption he felt to be beyond his reach. I knew I was out of luck, the day The music died...

Turning off the radio with a sigh, Mulder pulled his car into the FBI Headquarters parking structure and mentally fortified himself for another day.

As Mulder briskly walked down the hallway of the FBI building, dressed in his usual long-sleeved shirt and red tie, a young female agent passed by him, turned after a moment, and called out his name.

"Agent Mulder," she said at a businesslike clip, "Skinner wants to see you right away."

A few minutes later, Mulder walked into A.D. Walter Skinner's office. Skinner looked up at him nervously and coughed. "Sir?" Mulder said.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Agent Mulder," Skinner said delicately. "But your sister is here."

Mulder staggered back in stunned silence. After all this time spent searching for her, she reappears at his very own workplace? "Samantha?" he gasped at last, not wanting to believe. He turned away from Skinner, who remained seated at his desk awkwardly twiddling his thumbs, and looked to the end of the room, where the door was opening. The smell of cigarette smoke barraged his nostrils quickly and furiously as Mulder realized with an incredulous shock that the Cigarette Smoking Man was here. But he didn't see him. Instead, a slender woman of around his height walked in, her face facing down to the floor, not looking forward.

"Samantha, is it really you?" Mulder said, dumb founded.

The woman nodded slowly and lifted her head to face him. Mulder staggered back in shock again as he beheld the woman's horribly disfigured face. The entire left side of this woman's face was horribly scarred from what appeared to be an explosion. She had no left ear, and her left eye was a vacant hole of blackness. Her gnarled and twisted lips seemed to move with a life of their own when she spoke at last.

"It's so good to see you, Fox," Samantha rasped like a snake as she stumbled forward into his hesitant arms. Mulder didn't know how to feel. The relief and love he felt for his sister surged within him and crashed mightily against the battlements of his own sheer revulsion. He almost wanted to push Samantha away from him, away from his life forever. He wanted to wash himself clean of her.

I did this to her, Mulder thought. It's my fault this happened.

"I took good care of her," the Cigarette Smoking Man said with an air of paternal complacency as he strolled into the room with another one of those detestable Morley's hanging out of his mouth.

"She's my daughter and I love her," the vile man continued. Mulder tightened his arms around his sister in shock as the Cigarette Smoking Man took out his cigarette, closed his eyes, and coolly exhaled a smoke ring into the cold office air. Skinner glared at the Cigarette Smoking Man as he excused himself and left the office. "It's all right, Fox," Samantha said with a distorted smile as she looked up tearfully at him.

"Everything's all right now," she said. "We're going to be a family again."

"Fox," the Cigarette Smoking Man said with familiarity and ease as he sauntered over to Mulder, who had let go of Samantha. Mulder winced at the Cigarette Smoking Man's use of his first name. The Cigarette Smoking Man snuffed out his cigarette in Skinner's ashtray, which lay near the sign that said, "THANK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING," and put a hand on Mulder's shoulder. Mulder stiffened with mistrust at the man's cancerous touch.

"We have much to... discuss." Mulder felt and said nothing as he stood there listening distantly to the man's words. "...Son."

Mulder jerked away from under the Cigarette Smoking Man's hand. Did he just call him son?! No, Mulder thought desperately, this can't be! He couldn't be the son of this... this son of a bitch! It was unthinkable, unfathomable, intolerable... inconceivable! In a panic, Mulder raced through every avenue of his mind, frantically seeking out every possible corridor, tightly gripped by a single, overriding impulse.


I have to get out of here, Mulder thought as his knees weakened. This is all a lie.

"I refuse to believe that," Mulder said in a low voice.

"We have a lot to catch up on, my boy," the Cigarette Smoking Man said lightly and cheerfully. As Mulder backed away toward the door, his nemesis approached again.

"Stay back," Mulder hissed. "You're not my father! And you--" he said wildly, gesturing toward Samantha, "you're not my sister! I don't know you, just get--get the hell away from me!"

With those hurried words, Mulder hastily dove through the open door and hurtled into the hallway. Some of the other agents passing by stopped to look at him in curiosity, but Mulder recovered himself quickly, straightened himself, and smoothed his tie as if nothing had happened.

"Everything's cool," he nodded casually to Skinner's assistant, Holly, as she walked past with a questioning look in her eye. How had everything gone so wrong, Mulder thought miserably as he headed toward the elevator that would take him down to his basement office, where he had a porno-actress serial killer case file waiting eagerly for him. After all these years, he still couldn't believe Dana Scully was gone. And what had happened to Samantha? No matter what, he would never accept that Cancer Man was his father, Mulder thought, clenching his fists. Never!

"It's like I'm in hell or something," Mulder moaned out loud as the elevator doors opened. Mulder, who was looking off to the side as he walked into the elevator, did not notice a certain young, black-haired, one-armed man dressed in a black leather jacket waiting for him, until it was too late.

At the last moment, Mulder stopped in his tracks as his eyes widened at the sight of the man in the elevator. Reaching for his gun, Mulder suddenly lost his footing as Alex Krycek thrust out his one arm and brutally yanked him by the tie into the elevator. The elevator doors closed and Krycek slammed a gagging Mulder hard onto the opposite wall, before swiftly jabbing the EMERGENCY STOP button.

"Krycek, you son of a bitch--"

Leaning into Mulder's chest with his shoulder, Krycek kept his solid grip on Mulder's tie as he pressed him against the elevator wall with his body.

"Surprised to see me, Mulder?" Krycek said smugly. Then a different look came into his eye.

"Destiny binds us together, Mulder. You might as well accept that. Now that your precious Scully has bought the farm, nothing stands in the way of you and me."

"What 'you and me,' you scum sucker, there is no 'you and me'--"

"You know, Mulder," Krycek said seductively, "Being so close to you is really turning me on. I haven't forgotten the time I kissed you on the cheek--I haven't forgotten the--the taste of your sweet, soft flesh--"

Before Krycek could assault his heterosexual sensibilities any further with his merciless, deviant innuendoes, Mulder reared his head back and head-butted Krycek in the face as hard as he could. Stunned from the blow, Krycek staggered backward in disorientation and pain, giving Mulder all the time he needed to hurl Krycek to the other side of the elevator.

Stopping long enough to release the EMERGENCY STOP button, Mulder returned to Krycek and yanked off his prosthetic arm as the car continued its descent into the basement. The arm came off with a sickening popping sound.

Krycek was seeing stars. His nose was bleeding and there was a cut on his forehead. He raised his hand in defense as Mulder stood over him with the prosthetic arm.

"Mulder, no--"

"This is for the time you helped Scully get abducted!" Mulder growled as he pounded Krycek over the head with the prosthetic arm.

"Owww!!! Owwww!!!" Krycek howled in pain.

"This is for my father!" Mulder shouted, beating him again like a dog. "This is for Melissa! This is for Skinner! And this--" Mulder said, raising the arm high over his head.

"--is for the time you double-crossed me in Tunguska!!!" He delivered another triumphant blow.


The elevator stopped, and Mulder tossed the arm aside. He reached down to grab Krycek by the collar and hauled the rat to his feet. Krycek, both of his eyes black and blue, his face bruised and bleeding, his lips split open, locked eyes with him in helpless agony. Mulder threw him against the wall again and walked out the elevator, onto the basement level.

"Stay the hell away from me, you motherfucking COCKSUCKER!!!" Mulder bellowed as he pointed his finger menacingly at Krycek. The doors closed, sending a beaten Krycek back up to the first floor, while Mulder, more than a little unnerved by his encounter, straightened his tie again and proceeded toward his lonely, deserted office. That serial porno-babe killer case was waiting for him. Oh joy. He sighed.

"I miss you, Scully, I really do," Mulder said out loud as he headed toward the office.

Reaching his lonesome office, Mulder turned the door knob and found it locked. Annoyed, he fished into his pockets for the key, and came up empty.

"Damn this shit to hell," Mulder said as he tried the door again.

When you call my name Girl, it starts to flame

Mulder stiffened, putting his ear closely to the door. Was that music coming faintly from inside his office? What the hell was going on?! Who was locked up in HIS office, listening to "Sugar Pie Honey Bunch" by The Four Tops?!? Mulder, suspicious, reached for his gun and stepped back from the door.

Burning in my heart Tear it all apart

The door to the X Files office flew open, tearing the hinges off the wall, as Mulder burst into the brightly-lit room, gun drawn. What he saw almost gave him a heart attack.

"Uhhh! UHHH!!! Don't ever--stop--fucking me!!!!"

Dana Scully was lying on her back on Mulder's desk, her pants down. Her blouse was undone at the top, leaving her breasts exposed. A man was straddling her at the hip, pumping into her like a hydraulic piston, caressing her breasts, calling out her name. No matter how I try, My love I cannot hide, 'cause

"Dana! Dana! Oh, DANA!!!" Agent Pendrell gasped with mounting urgency.

Pendrell? Mulder thought to himself as he stood there with his mouth gaping wide open. PENDRELL?! The nerdy, over-eager, school-boy, lab-rat Pendrell? How could the woman with whom he had shared the most beautiful friendship in his life be here, in his office, on HIS desk, humping Pendrell, of all people?! While listening to HIS fucking music? Neither Scully nor Pendrell seemed to notice or care about his presence. Sugar pie honey bunch (Sugar pie honey bunch)

And for that matter, weren't Pendrell and Scully both supposed to be dead? Now Mulder knew he really WAS in hell.

Scully and Pendrell both arched their backs like gymnasts as they simultaneously rocketed over the wild, orgasmic mountain peak of erotic bliss, mindlessly moaning and groaning like animals all the way. You know that I'd wait for you (wait for you) I can't help myself I love you and nobody else...

Scully smiled tenderly at Pendrell as he brushed away a wet tendril of hair away from her sweat-soaked face and bent down to passionately kiss her on her lips, which were swollen from pleasure.

"Dana," Pendrell said fondly, "Thank you. That was the most earth-shattering experience in my entire life."

Dana Scully smiled with radiant tenderness. Why didn't she ever give ME that smile? Mulder thought unhappily.

"And all this time we've known each other, Pendrell," Scully said, "All this time, I never knew how much I've been missing. I never knew you were such an Olympian sex machine."

"I've been saving myself up for you," Pendrell said.

Sugar pie honey bunch (Sugar pie---

Mulder couldn't take it anymore. He walked over to the CD player and squeezed off several shots into the speakers, silencing the damn thing for good. A shower of sparks flew out as the machine screeched in mechanical anguish. That ought to get their attention, he thought.

"Oh, Dana, it's him," Pendrell said with indiffence. Scully turned to look at him.

"Hi, Mulder," she said with a sluggish smile.

"Scully. Get the hell off my desk!" Mulder cried, feeling like he was going to pop a blood vessel in his head.

Pendrell and Scully both got off of Mulder's desk and started buttoning up their clothes. They both seemed awfully pale, Mulder thought.

"You know, I wanna go back to Chaney," Scully said.

"Chaney, Texas? What the hell for, Scully, you know what happened the last time we were there!" Mulder cried hysterically.

Pendrell and Scully both stepped closer to Mulder, and that's when he saw. There was a small, bloodless hole in Scully's forehead, as well as what looked like a gaping hole in Pendrell's chest. No...

"I dunno, Mulder," Scully said, her eyes down, "Maybe there's still some studly vampires who *didn't* pull up stakes and leave."

"We can have some fun, yeee hah," Pendrell drawled in a horribly fake Texas accent.

"I'm talking about a big-time, undead orgy," Scully said, chuckling.

"Ride 'em, cowboy!" Pendrell whooped.

Both of them looked at Mulder at the same time, and that's when it happened. Both of their eyes changed color, going from their normal color to an unnatural neon green. That explained their pale skin. That explained everything. Scully and Pendrell were zombies!

Oh, shit.

"No," Mulder said, stepping back. He pulled up his gun but realized the futility of firearms.

"But maybe if we turn Mulder into one of us, we can have a threesome," Scully said, licking her lips in excited anticipation.

"Stay back!" he cried as they advanced on him, reaching for him with their open hands, their opening mouths revealing a fearsome set of fangs.

"Stay back! Stay baaaaaaaaccckkk! Noooooooooo!!!"

Mulder's mouth was a gaping chasm of terror as the two closed in for the kill.

"No!" Mulder cried as he yanked his head off of his desk, where he'd been napping for the last hour. It was 8:16 AM. He had spent the night at the office without meaning to. An open cardboard container lying on the floor nearby held the remains of the half-eaten supreme pizza, which had long gone cold. The VCR on which he had been watching a movie during a break from work on the latest X File by Scully's chair was still on, but there was nothing but a blue screen now.

"Are you okay?" Scully said with concern in her voice.

Mulder rapidly turned his head toward the sound, surveying the office as he did so. Nothing was out of the ordinary. It was just another day at work, as far as he was concerned. Dana Scully, as alive as ever, sat on a chair across the room from Mulder's desk, reading through a stack of medical charts. She gave him a worried look as she peered at him through her glasses. Relief flooded through Mulder, through every inch of his body.

"I--I had the most... horrible dream, Scully," Mulder said.

Scully smiled, her lips curving into a beautiful little arc as she did so.

"Oh, really? Was I in it, by any chance?"

"Well--" Mulder said, before he stopped himself and blinked several times in confusion. What was he going to say? Oh, I dreamed about you, Scully. I dreamed I blew your brains out in that room at Fairfax Mercy Hospital, I dreamed that you were also an undead zombie fucking the shit out of an undead Pendrell. Yeah, I dreamed about you, all right. Let's not forget to mention my horribly scarred sister, my daddy the Cancer Man, and my new sick stalker bitch, Alex Krycek. I'm sure you'd have me up in psychiatric in a heartbeat.

"It's nothing, Scully," Mulder said as Scully got up and walked toward him.

Scully was smiling with her lips again.

"What?" Mulder said when Scully stood in front of him.

"Here, Mulder, I got something for you," Scully said, showing her teeth as she smiled.

Mulder started in shock. Her teeth--they were vampire teeth, Mulder realized as he stared at her broad smile in shock. Vampire teeth! Fangs!

"Noooo!!!!" Mulder cried out, his eyes wide open, sweat breaking out on his forehead. Then, as if breaking down from the exhaustion of constant terror, Mulder's eyes rolled upwards and his upper body collapsed in a heap, back on his desk.

Scully, puzzled, felt her worry give way to amusement as Mulder fainted dead away. What had he been so startled about?

"Oh, this," Scully said as she reached into her mouth and pulled out the fake set of vampire fangs. Geez, I freaked him out with fake vampire teeth?! Scully pondered as she dropped the fangs into Mulder's outstretched palm. I sure had him big-time, Scully thought.

Reaching into her jacket pocket, Scully produced a bag of sunflower seeds. The paper bag bore a Halloween design, complete with colorful pumpkins, witches on broomsticks, and amorphous little white ghosts with empty, black eye holes. The bag was tied up at the top by a pretty red ribbon.

"Too much late night pizza, I guess," Scully said, shaking her head as she tossed the bag of sunflower seeds onto Mulder's desk. She looked over to the VCR and saw the video case lying on the floor. The office was such a mess sometimes. The movie was the original version of "The Fly."

"Too much late night pizza, and too many bad movies," Scully said as she walked over to Mulder's side to check if he was okay. When she checked his pulse and found it satisfactory, Scully smiled with genuine affection and tenderly patted Mulder's head, sighing. Mulder could be such a push-over, sometimes...

The end.



Return to Bump In The Night