Title: Darkest Falls
Authors: sheattle sue, Tara Wheeler, Donnaj, char, anonymous, diovan, AmyKK, Cornflake Girl, Brent Dax, pygidium, Lav'sPrem, and Agt Eeyore.
This was a round-robin story.
Category: Humor, Round-robin story
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I swear there is no money involved. I'm a poor starving comedian who can't afford to be sued by anybody. Other comics feel sorry for ME.

Summary: This cannot be properly summarized.

Notes: I didn't write this. I posted a form on the web and the wonderful authors you see listed came forward voluntarily (I did NOT force them, I swear!) and added their entertaining and exciting content. I simply duct-taped it together. Hope you enjoy, and let's do this again sometime!

"It's night already? Where did the daytime go?" Scully wondered aloud.

Mulder teased, "You're the scientist, Scully. You tell me."

Pulling out her Maglite, Scully gave him the patented 'Scully Look'. "You know Mulder, I have shot you before. I can do it again."

"This time, do the other shoulder so I match." He rubbed the old scar. "I tend to pull to the left when I do laps in the pool."

Scully turned on the flashlight and they continued to slog along the barely defined path. "Tell me again why we didn't just stay with the car," she asked in a resigned tone.

"Missouri uses Daylight Savings Time, so we're losing light fast in these here parts, Scully," Mulder replied.

She had already formed a suitably pert retort when her foot slipped on the uneven path and squished into an ankle-deep blob of mud. "Oh, Hell and yuk...!!" As she tried to tug her foot loose, one of Mulder's arms about her waist, supporting her... the short boot she wore was sucked off her foot, unbalancing her and Mulder; the two of them fish- tailed backwards and landed in more sloshy mud, Mulder taking the majority of it up his jeans-clad backside. "Jesus, that's all I need -" he muttered, then abruptly the rest of his grumbling died in his throat, and the short hairs on his neck bristled and stood up, at the low, angry echoing pulse of sound emanating from the dark forest, on all sides of them. Hearing it as well, Scully dug all ten sharp little nails into his chest, eyes wide and beginning to fill with panic, as she looked all around the area where they lay... and her face paled at the sight of it: a dark shape, there in the distance, there against the black woods...

"Mulder... what IS that?"

Skinner arrived on the scene by helicopter, two days later. Whatever had demolished the bridge, denying the search team access by road, had worked the car over, too. The rented Taurus was folded open in a ruined metal flower. Skinner hoped he'd get to hear Mulder tell him about the psychic space vampires who'd done it, but it seemed clear that both Agents Mulder and Scully had, thinking they were *fleeing* danger, headed into the woods. Which, overall, rather reduced his chances of finding them alive.

Scully gazed pensively up, up, up the hole she and Mulder had fallen into. God, it looked like a hundred feet to her...it was a miracle they were still alive.

Mulder moaned. His entire body hurt from landing with Scully on top of him. The one thing he knew (besides the pain of three broken ribs and a sprained ankle) was that he had to warn the world...the psychic space aliens have taken over the Sasquatch population!

He ruefully thought of all those who had scoffed at him in his search for "little green men." Just wait till they found out that his search ended not with a little green man, but a large brown man with hair like an orangutan and a smell like his uncle Leo on a five-day bender.

And Uncle Leo was *not* a pleasant-smelling person. Anyway, the creature was looming over them with a slightly stupid expression on his face. It leaned forward and the pair of agents recoiled at its stench.

"My God," Scully said, her nose wrinkling slightly. "It smells like the Bog of Eternal Stench and...and..."


Just then, six triangle ships appeared overhead, and the creature waved at them. Three Grays appeared nearby and waved back.

Deciding he had had enough of this, Mulder threw the only thing he could find: a soggy old box of Frosted Flakes. Lucky for him, Grays have a negative reaction to soggy old boxes of Frosted Flakes, so they were paralyzed for three minutes. Noticing this, he grabbed Scully and yelled, "Let's get out of this hole!"

"WHAT did you call me?!!" Scully yelled.

"I said 'hole!" Mulder cried. Scully eyed him suspiciously, but allowed him to take her hand and pull her out. They ran into the woods, safely away from the aliens. But they were not safe yet. For, hanging from the tree branches, were some kind of viney loops. No visible clue as to their identity, but one of the loops just missed strangling Scully.

"Dammit Scully! This is no time for botany! That, that THING just tried to strangle you!" Then one of the loops slithered around Mulder's ankle, and...

*BANG* A woman stood silently near the two agents, her lips pursed, a frown on her face. The gun she held in her hands was still smoking, and the vine lay dead at Mulder's foot.

As the woman put the gun back in its holster, Scully's jaw dropped. "Mom?!?"

Scully's mother glared at her, fists on hips, and gave a motherly proclamation. "Close your mouth! You're going to collect flies! And *what* are you doing wearing *that* :::gesturing at Scully's eight-inch spikes and customary dowdy suit-jacket::: in the middle of the woods...with- with *him*!" Mulder, taken aback by the slant, did not notice the tendril that was slowly creeping toward his arm. As Scully's mom continued to castigate her, the tendril looped around Mulder's arm and yanked him off his feet, dragging him deeper into the woods.

Tendril by tendril, Mulder was dragged...sometimes by arm and sometimes by leg. He was bumped against trees and rocks, and finally thrown down in the center of a clearing. Mulder lay there a minute, cataloging all his new bumps and bruises. He then stood, moaning in pain at the effort. Suddenly, the bushes at the edge of the clearing rustled, and Mulder saw the Grays again! Somehow they had survived their run-in with the soggy box of Frosted Flakes and come back for him.

Suddenly a loud bang sounded in the clearing. Mulder and the Grays looked up simultaneously to see really cute fuzzy Sasquatches coming towards the Grays. Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, Scully's mother had been forced to pause in her tirade because her cigarette had exploded. Scully gaped, again, unsure whether to run and help or laugh and point.

Scully decided to laugh and point and run the other way, just as she did as a young girl when she accidently shot her mother with her BB gun. Mulder was confused. Unsure of his own parentage, he wondered what he'd do if he and Diana Fowley ever had children.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the evil thoughts, Mulder watched as Scully and her mother shot all the Sasquatches.

"Sorry about killing your *real* father, Mulder," Scully said sadly as she stood over the body of the biggest Sasquatch.

Scully's mom poked the Sasquatch in the eyeball with a stick to make sure it was dead. "He's got your eyes, Fox."

The Grays started squealing and squawking. A helicopter was landing. Mulder began to cry, and one of the Grays touched his tear.

"AGENT MULDER!" Skinner shouted as he leaped from the black mouth of the helicopter. Mulder was splattered with the green gook as Skinner emptied his Glock into the Grays.

"Where have you two been?" Skinner asked his agents as they returned to Washington, DC. "You've been gone for two days."

Scully gave Mulder a curious look. "Lost time!" Mulder exclaimed.

Scully said, "If we lost two days, that means today is..."

"Happy Halloween," Mulder monotoned.

The End

Added note: I selfishly borrowed the eyeball poking from a Halloween episode of "The Simpsons." Can animated characters sue? --sheattle sue

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