Title: You Are My Miracle
Author: Whiskey Queen
Written: April 2001
Rating: PG-13 mild swearing
Archiving: Anywhere, but with permission first
Spoilers: Deadalive and Empedocles
Category: S/A
Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST
Disclaimer: The characters all belong to Chris Carter, Fox, 1013 Productions, yada yada yada, and what a damn shame that is! Feedback: Yes please, love it. Lots of it please!

Summary: What is in store for Scully's unborn child?

Website: http://www.reocities.com/spookys_girl2000/index.html

Since Mulder had awoken in the hospital, Scully had spent every waking hour by his bedside, and sometimes even longer. She was just so happy to have him back in her life, she didn't want to leave him and let him go again. She was too afraid that if she left, on her return he would have been gone. He had been taken from her once, and she wasn't about to let it happen again. She needed him more than anyone at that moment in her life.

The nurses had not been happy. They knew of her condition, but she refused their attempts to persuade her to return home for a decent nights rest. She had all she needed: the miracle created inside her, and the father to that miracle right beside her.

One night, she was fast falling asleep on the uncomfortable chair in Mulder's room. He could see her discomfort and knew how she would feel in the morning, so he told her to go home, but she refused. So, instead, he invited her to share his hospital bed. He turned on his side and scooted over to the far side of the bed, leaving as much room for her as possible. Awkwardly, and with an extra hand from Mulder, she climbed onto the bed next to him.

Mulder allowed his arm to slip around her waist and rest on the mound of her protruding belly. Their baby moved to make contact with his father's hand, causing Scully a deep intake of breath. In order to make contact with Mulder, it required their baby to do a full somersault followed by a half turn.

With Mulder's large hand depositing light caresses across her swollen stomach, his sweet breath blowing in her ear and the scent that was only Mulder wrapped around her, Scully had fallen fast asleep. She experienced that night, the best night's sleep since she had shared her bed with him in Oregon, the few days before he went missing, and the few days before she found out about the miracle growing inside of her.

Mulder had finally convinced both the doctors and Scully that he was ready to return home and was released from the hospital only a week after he had finally woken up. He had made an outstanding recovery. He had progressed in leaps and bounds, outstanding the doctors and nurses, but not Scully. She knew him too well, and that his sheer determination would result in him getting out of there fast, plus his bone deep dislike of hospitals.

In all reality, he was mentally ready to return home only three days after that memorable day, but his body had not caught up with his mind. Thus, he was told he would not be able to return home yet. He ended up remained there until the weekend, when he finally persuaded Scully to take him home.

Things were still a little awkward between Mulder and Scully to say the least. There was the fact that seven months earlier they had grieved together over the fact that the IVF treatment had been unsuccessful, but here they were, about to be parents. And Mulder didn't know where he fitted in.

He knew where he would like to fit in, but it was Scully's child and ultimately her decision. He had just provided half the ingredients to make it possible. However, he didn't want his responsibilities to end there. He was the child's father, and he wanted to play that role, preferably with Scully by his side. That little problem would have to be worked on.

Scully had come to pick Mulder up first thing on Saturday morning. He was standing by his bed with his bag over his shoulder when she entered. It was the first time she had seen him standing. It was such an overwhelming emotion to have him alive and well, that she thought she might collapse on the floor. Instead, she watched in slow motion as he crossed the room to her, and placed his large arms around her. He held her to him, preventing her from falling. She wiggled slightly from his grasp, so she could step back and admire the beautiful man that stood before her. She was grinning like a Cheshire cat, and couldn't stop.

"It's so good to have you back."

"It's good to be back."

With that, he pulled her back to his chest, needing to feel how real she was under his fingertips. Absent-mindedly, Scully allowed her arms to reach around him, which was a little difficult with her stomach in the way. They were interrupted a few moments later when the doctor entered with Mulder's release papers. Mulder signed the forms, handed them back to the doctor, and then taking Scully's hand, exited the hospital, happy to be alive, but even happier to be home with Scully.

"So, where are we heading?" Mulder asked, while he got into the car, and Scully adjusted the steering wheel.

"Mine. I don't want you at home on your own Mulder. Admittedly, I can't be of much use to you in my condition, but at least if you're with me, I'll know you're safe."

"Sounds fair enough to me," he smiled. "Besides, I don't want to have to leave you right now. I want some time alone with you." Scully's shot him a puzzled expression. "There are a few things I need to get out in the open. There are some things we need to talk about, and there were some things I realized while I was...gone."

"I see." Scully started the car, and pulled out of the parking lot. While they were driving along, Mulder reached out and tentatively placed his hand on Scully's knee. She flinched at first, but as the warmth of his hand flooded her, she relaxed, and instead ended up entwining her fingers with his.

They entered the apartment in silence, Scully letting out a yawn as she opened the door. "Do you want something to eat or drink?" she asked, placing Mulder's back inside the bedroom door.

"No, thanks. I'm fi...good."

Scully continued her journey to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of orange juice. So pre-occupied with her task was she, that she didn't hear Mulder approaching. He snaked his arms around her middle, resting his arms on the top of her belly. Scully dropped the carton of juice, and her body went taut.

"Shh, relax, it's only me," he whispered. "God, I've waited so long to do this, to hold you in my arms again. I'm never gonna let you go again. You hear?"

Scully was silence, and the tension still ebbing from her body. "Is...is it really you? Are you really here? Or is this just some wonderful dream that I'm gonna wake up from at any moment?"

"No, it's not a dream, I swear. I'm here, and I'm never going anywhere again. Unless you want me to."

"Oh God no!" she replied, her voice shaking with fear. "Don't you ever leave me again, leave us again." She placed her hands on his, and squeezed tight for reassurance. She allowed her body to melt into his, letting him take most of her weight. Gentle sobs soon began to wrack her body.

Mulder bent his mouth to her ear, and gently kissed it. Then, barely whispering, he said, "shh, why the tears?"

"I'm just so happy to have you back." Mulder placed his index finger under her chin, and guided her face towards his, her tears still falling. Through watery eyes, she added, "you'll never know how much."

"I know, trust me, I know."

"Kiss me?" she pleaded.

Mulder smiled and then crushed his lips to hers. But passion was far from their minds when they initiated that kiss. It was a kiss of sheer hunger, a kiss to prove beyond all doubt that they were really standing face to face, in each other's arms after the longest, most lonely seven months they had ever experienced. It was the end of one chapter, and the beautiful beginning to another.

Although only 10:30 in the morning, Scully was already tired. She had not slept properly the night before. H**, she hadn't sleep properly since Mulder's disappearance. But now he was back. He was safe. She could finally sleep easy knowing that fact.

She excused herself, informing Mulder that she needed to rest awhile, and that if he needed anything to come and get her. Rather than remain in the living room however, Mulder followed her into the bedroom, and helped her in. He pulled the comforter up to her chin, wished her sweet dreams, and then to her surprise, crawled along side her on the bed, remaining on top of the covers. They fell asleep together.

"Hey gorgeous. Dinner's almost ready."

"Huh? Dinner? What time is it?"

"Almost 6." Her eyes grew wide. In response to her startled expression, Mulder replied, "You were really out of it. I haven't heard you stir once." He paused. "Scully, when was the last time you slept properly?" unadulterated concern filled his voice.

"Since Oregon," she replied meekly.

"No wonder you were tired. Anyway, chop chop. As I said before, dinner's almost ready."

"Mulder, you shouldn't be cooking, you should be resting," she yawned. "Besides, when *was* the last time you cooked?"

"Did I say I cooked?" Scully smiled. "The pizza guy will be here soon," he winked, and he helped her out of bed. They walked towards the living room, Scully sitting down and Mulder going to the kitchen.

"What do you want to drink? I've been spying that nice bottle of wine in the fridge all day?"

"No thank you."

"Oh come on you spoil support!" Scully sighed, rolled her eyes and looked at Mulder. The penny dropped. "Oh yeah, of course. Sorry," he exclaimed. "I'll go get us something else then."

"Mulder, you can still have drink. I'm not stopping you."

"No, it's okay. I don't want to drink alone. I can make do with whatever you're having. What do you want?"

"A glass of water will be just fine."

"Are you sure you don't want anything else? Tea? Coffee?"

"No. Besides caffeine is bad for the baby, and water cleanses the system."

Thirty minutes later, and still their pizza had yet to make an appearance. It suited them just fine however. Mulder and Scully had taken the time to get to know each other again, reminiscing over old times, telling jokes, and generally having a good time.

A funny thought suddenly hit Mulder, and he was in hysterics. "What about...what about...when we ended up staying the night in the forest...and...and you fell down that great hole and landed flat on your a$$. That was just so funny!"

"It was not funny!"

"Was too!"

A strong knock came from the door and Mulder left his seat to answer it. Scully managed to grab a cushion and throw it in Mulder's direction. The hit was so forceful, that his steps faltered on the way to the door. That sent Scully into a new way of hysterics. Mulder ignored her comments and opened the door. A young spotty teenager stood on the other side holding a pizza box. Mulder turned to Scully and make a remark about the pizza guy being a vampire and coming after them with big buckteeth. Scully laughed even harder than before and bent over double.

Mulder turned away from her and took some money from his pocket and handed it to the pizza guy. "This one's free sir. Sorry about the delay."

"Well, hey, I'm in a good mood today, take this for your troubles," he said and handed him a $20 bill.

"Thank you sir. Hey, is everything alright with your misses?" he asked, pointing in Scully's direction.


"She doesn't look like she's laughing anymore."

Puzzled, Mulder turned back to Scully to see her still doubled over. Although now it looked like she was in pain rather than laughing. "Scully? Are you okay?"

"Mulder, something's wrong!" she cried, her voice panicked.

"Is it the baby?"

Scully couldn't answer Mulder at that moment in time. She was too sick with worry. The pains she was feeling were nothing like what anyone had told her. They were unbearable and they had come on all of a sudden. She knew from her training how the process of pre-labor pains went and this wasn't it. Suddenly, a cloud of blackness washed over her, and Scully fell to the floor unconscious.

"Shit! Scully?" Mulder shock her gently, but got no response. "Jesus Scully, wake up! Scully?"

"Um, sir, do you want me to call 911?"

"No, there's no time," he replied, scooping Scully into his arms. Mulder exited the apartment in a rush, not bothering to shut the door. Thankfully, the pizza guy did that for him. Mulder jiggled Scully slightly and dug in his pocket for his car keys. He unlocked the passenger side, and placed her gently on the seat. Mulder then got in and sped away to the hospital. He broke every speed limit on the way there, but at that moment he didn't care. He just had to get Scully to the hospital.

Mulder rushed into the ER, carrying Scully in his arms. He was too weak to keep a hold on her, and collapsed to his knees in the middle of the entrance. "I need some help, please!" he begged. A nurse rushed to his aid with a gurney. Two orderlies lift Scully onto it and she was wheeled behind two double doors. Someone, he wasn't sure who, helped him to stand and lead him to the plastic chairs that all hospitals had.

"Sir, sir?" a young woman shouted at him. Mulder snapped out of his trance. "How is she? I want to see her!"

"Sir, she's in good hands. You'll just have to wait for now. Look, I need to know what happened. If we don't know then we can't help her. What's her name and can you tell me what happened?"

"Huh? Oh, her name's Dana, Dana Scully. And I don't know what happened. Everything was fine, and then she was doubled over in pain, and passed out on me. She's been out cold since then. Oh God, it's the baby isn't it?"

"I can't say that for sure sir. How far along is she?"

"Seven months. You can't let her lose the baby. It would just kill her. Please, don't let anything happen to the baby."

The nurse apologized to Mulder, saying she needed to get back to the ER, but she promised she would get someone to keep him informed. Mulder moved towards the ER that Scully was been taking care in. He looked on through the small window. The scene in front of him played out in slow motion. Doctors and nurses filled the room, IV bags and blood bags went up on stands, machines appeared from nowhere and were attached to her lifeless body. Mulder remained frozen outside, looking on.

"Okay people. I want CBC's, CHEM-7 stat. And get the fetal monitor in here now!" The doctor continued shouting orders, injected Scully with drugs and IV solution, and withdrawing large quantities of blood. She was attached to a monitor, and when a nurse returned, another was attached to her stomach. The baby's heartbeat sounded in the room. Everything sounded fine, until they lost it.

The doctor barked at a nurse to get and ultrasound scanner in there immediately. She ran off and returned with it. Quickly, the doctor coated Scully's abdomen with gel and placed the scanner head to her middle. There seemed to be nothing wrong with the baby, apart from the fact that it wouldn't lie still. But appearances were always deceptive, especially with babies. The baby's heart rate suddenly returned to normal. The doctor then ordered for Scully to be taken to the maternity ward and be put under 10 minute obs.

"Doctor, she's waking up," the nurse cried.

"Miss Scully?" the doctor questioned. "Do you know where you are? Do you remember what happened?"

"Pains in my stomach, but nothing like labor pains. I don't remember anything else after that. Oh God, is my baby okay?"

"For now. We're going to take you up to the maternity ward in a minute. They will keep you in over night, maybe even longer."

Scully sighed heavily. They had only just gotten Mulder out of this place, and now she was going to be in there. "Oh God, Mulder! Is he here?"

"Mr Mulder is waiting outside," the nurse explained. "I'll go get him for you."

Scully was lying in bed, writhing around in pain, with Mulder at her side holding her hand. The pains had subsided while in the ER, but had returned, by the time they had made it to the maternity ward. Although, this time around they were worse. A female doctor entered the room, and introduced herself as Amanda Horton.

"Dana," she started. "It seems we have determined the cause of the abdominal cramps. As you know, any foreign object that is found within the body will be attacked by the white blood cells in an attempt to try and protects itself. However, the only 'foreign object' that is never attacked, is a developing child. It's one of the marvels of the human body. However, we believe in your case that your white blood cells think that your child is something of a threat. We have no idea why this is happening, but it is quite possible the baby has an infection, which would explain the attacking cells. I'm afraid therefore, that it means we are going to have to perform an emergency c-section. Now, you understand that you will be put under for the operation?"

"Yeah. I get to miss my own child being born," she admitted sadly.

"Well, as I'm sure you know there are risks to this procedure as in any other operation. If you're child is indeed suffering from an infection, it means that so could you. We still have no idea what exactly the infection is or how it will affect you or the baby. Nothing abnormal showed up in the blood samples. Despite this, my main concern is for your unborn child. It is evident that if the child remains in your womb, that your body will eventually destroy it. Which leads us to the major problem. Your child is going to be two months early. As this was unexpected, we can give your any medication to help mature the lungs like we would with multiple births, so your baby's lungs are going to be immature. My other concern is that your child's immune system is nowhere near strong enough to fight off an infection. So, if we cannot treat this infection with antibiotics, there is a good chance your baby may not survive. I need you to understand that."

"I understand," Scully nodded solemnly. "And if anything goes wrong in there, my baby comes first."

"I'll do my best, but you are my patient, and you are my primary concern. Will you be joining us Mr Mulder? If you are, then you need to come and get scrubbed in."

"Um, yes. Where do I need to go?"

"I'll show you in a minute." She turned back to Scully. "Look, Dana, I'm not going to tell you everything's going to be fine, because it might not be. We have to face facts. There is a very big possibility that your child will not survive this. But I promise you this; I will do everything in my power to help. I'll see you when you come around. The anesthetist will be here in a moment. Mr Mulder, would you care to follow me?"

Mulder nodded to the doctor, but went to Scully's side before he left the room. He looked at her through watery eyes. "I love you, both of you, with all my heart." He placed a gentle kiss on Scully's forehead. Scully chose that moment to let her tears run free. Mulder reached his hands out and brushed the offending wetness from her cheeks. He planted his lips on hers, lingered a little long that he should have, and then left the room with the doctor.

30 minutes later, Mulder sat in recovery holding Scully's hand. Mulder had watched on, his heart aching, as he witnessed the birth of his baby girl. Apart from the tiny glance he took of his baby, his focus remained on the only love he had even known, Scully. She remained asleep, untouched by everything that was going on around her. She was peaceful, trouble-free. Oh how that would change when she woke up he thought.

As soon as the baby was born, a nurse had taken her away. Doctor Horton made fast work of sewing Scully back together, before she headed off to another part of the hospital to deal with the result of the delivery. That had been the last of his baby girl and the doctor he had seen. He had been told to wait in recovery with Scully, and then someone would come and get him as soon as the baby was well enough.

Scully began to stir from her slumber, her head groggy and her limbs weak. She still felt no pain, which she was grateful for. It took her a few minutes to remember where she was and what was going on. Then it hit her. The pains, the blackout, the c-section. "Oh my God!" she cried, half startling Mulder. "Our baby? How's our baby?" She searched Mulder's gaze and found no answers.

"I don't know Scully," he replied as he soothed the untamed hair on her head. "No one's been to see me yet. They said for me to wait here with you. Someone should be here soon. Then we'll know. We have a little baby girl Scully."

"A girl?"

"Yep. Do you have any names in mind?"

"Yes, actually I do. Meredith Faith, if that's okay with you."

"It sounds wonderful." Mulder placed another kiss on Scully's forehead, and continued to caress her hand.

They were visited a few minutes later by Doctor Horton, who apologized for being so long, and continued to inform them that their daughter was up on the ICU, on a ventilator, antibiotics and undergoing a blood transfusion. Doctor Horton was also at a lost to explain the virus, telling them that it was one they had never come across before. But whatever it was, only the baby seemed to be suffering from it - Scully's detailed blood tests had come back negative. Doctor Horton then offered to take them to the ICU.

Doctor Horton had insisted that if Scully wanted to see her baby, then she would have to use a wheelchair. Grudgingly Scully agreed, and Mulder stepped forward to occupy the roll as chauffer. The doctor entered first explaining that she would be feeling no pain, and everything probably looked worse that it really was.

Merry was lying flat on her back inside a see-through plastic incubator. A small wire, which was attached to an oxygen tank, ran behind her head, around her ears and down her nose into her lungs. Two bags of blood hung from a stand, and entered her body through a minuscule tube in the vein in her hand. Her chest was covered with round sticky patches, to which were attached various machines to monitor her breathing, heart rate, and movement. A giant diaper engulfed her from her toes to her shoulders. Other than that, she lay naked.

She was so small, so vulnerable, and so innocent to the life she had been born into. Scully's heart broke on seeing her in such a condition. The heartache Scully was experiencing was the last straw. Mulder had made up his mind. He knew what he had to do for his family and for Scully.

Mulder headed towards the nurses station to find only a student nurse occupying it. She had a blood collection kit with her, and looked as if she was heading in the general direction of Merry. Mulder stopped her in the hallway, and informed her that he was both an agent of the Bureau and Merry's father. He proceeded to request two vials of his daughter's blood from her.

At first she refused. However, Mulder persisted informing the young student that he could make one call and her career was down the drain. Panicked by his threat, she agreed to get the blood samples that he required.

The nurse entered the ward; afraid that Merry's mother would question her. She knew that she was a doctor, and had so far asked about everything that was going in and coming out of her daughter. Thankfully, she was dozing in the chair, and therefore questions were kept at bay.

The student nurse returned to her desk, and started work on labeling the test tubes of blood she now had in her box. She wrote "Meredith Mulder" on the tubes, and then ticked the corresponding boxes, referring to what type of test needed to be preformed on the sample.

"Did you get what I asked?" Mulder questioned.

"Yes Mr Mulder. They are right here." With that, she handed over the vials. "If you don't mind me asking, why do you need some samples? We have a perfectly good lab here at the hospital."

"I'm sure you do, but there is someone I know who can help, if I can just get these to him. Thank you," Mulder replied, pocketing the vials. He then turned away from the young nurse and headed off down the corridor.

Scully sat next to the incubator of her dying daughter. The latest round of blood tests had brought more bad news. The antibiotics administered had failed to combat the virus. In fact, it seemed as if the virus was spreading and being fueled by the antibiotics they continued to pump into her small body. On reading this on Merry's chart, Scully had asked all antibiotic treatment to cease.

She was destined to lose her daughter to this mysterious virus, but she refused to aid in the destruction of her own flesh and blood. Needing to take comfort in her daughter's presence, against the medical advice, Scully opened the small window of the incubator, and held onto her daughter's tiny hand.

"It's okay Merry. Mommy's here now. Everything's going to be fine. You just rest." Scully planted a kiss on the end of her Index finger and then placed her fingertip to the small bow mouth of her baby girl. Scully resumed holding her tiny hand in one of her's, and her Rosary in the other. Scully, for the first time since Mulder's return, prayed. She prayed for her daughter's soul, and that she found her way safely to the home of the Lord and into the arms of her grandfather and aunt.

Scully watched on in dismay as the machines and mechanisms around Merry started buzzing and beeping wildly. Both Doctor Horton and a nurse rushed to Merry's aid, checking the machines. The heart monitor bleeped one more time before sending the room into a deafening single low toned sound.

The nurse pulled the top off the incubator, and carefully helped Scully to her feet and moved her out of the way. She then took a small oxygen mask and placed it over Merry's mouth. The doctor performed CRP using just the tips of her fingers on the small child's chest. Their attempts were to no avail. The heart monitor continued to deafen everyone.

"Dana?" the doctor asked.

"Call it," she whispered. "She's gone."

The doctor sighed. Both she and the nurse ceased their actions. "Time of death 11:21pm." Doctor Horton took a sheet and placed it over Merry's body, covering her from view.

Scully found herself stumbling backwards until she hit the wall. She froze for a moment, before her feet gave way beneath her and she landed on the floor in a heap. The way she crouched should have hurt her, but she was suddenly empty, and numb to the point that she could feel nothing. She was thankful. Then, for the first time she entered the ICU, she realized that Mulder was not with her, and that she was indeed alone, very alone.

Scully had remained in hospital for a few days after her operation. Things were tough on her. She was alone most of the day with only her thoughts to keep her company, and at that time they were not the most cheery. Her mother was with her as long as visiting hours would allow, but it wasn't her mother that she really wanted or needed to see. And that person she had not laid eyes on since she awoke in recovery after her c-section.

The long, lonely nights on the maternity ward with screaming babies did little to ease her pain and suffering. Skinner, once he had learnt of the upsetting outcome, demanded that she be moved to a different ward. However, due to a bed shortage, and the need to remain in hospital, she had to stay where she was. And it was taking its toll on her.

The first night alone had been the hardest for her. Scully had been too caught up emotionally to call her mother for support, and no one had even considered doing it for her. Wherever Mulder had disappeared to, he had not returned.

It was 4:30 in the morning and Scully was wide-awake, staring blankly at the wall in front of her, sad, empty and terribly alone. Doctor Horton had prescribed her something to help her sleep, but it didn't have any effect.

A two-day-old infant began crying at the other end of the ward. Scully was still feeling the repercussions of losing her own child. Her instincts had her up out of bed and halfway to the door when the child first started crying. It wasn't until her hand went for the door handle that her rational mind sunk it and reminded her painfully that she no longer had a child that needed to be held when she cried, fed when she was hungry, or loved unconditionally because she was who she was.

The small infant continued to cry for another half an hour even though it was being cradled in its mother's arms. The constant distraction prevented Scully from getting any sleep at all, and caused her to dwell on her own loss. It only made her angrier. Someone obviously couldn't take care of their child, but was blessed with that miracle. Yet, she, someone who would love her child more than anything in the world, had had her's ripped away from her, along with her heart.

"Shut up!" Scully cried as she buried her head under the pillow. It did little to quiet the noise. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" she screamed louder. But still the baby cried. Scully flew out of bed in a rage, yanked open her room door and stuck her head out. "For Christ sake, shut that bloody baby up!" The infant squealed louder. "SHUT UP!" she screamed back, tears filling her eyes.

Her sobs took over and she could only muster a whispered "Shut up!" as a nurse came to her rescue. Scully allowed all her emotions to fall free at that moment, years of built up desperation and hours of the injustice served to her. The student nurse and Doctor Horton, who appeared from the Staff Room at the sudden commotion, helped Scully back to her room and into bed.

Doctor Horton administered a sedative, and Scully fell into a drug-induced sleep moments later.

Scully walked aimlessly down the hallway to her apartment once she had been released four days after her 'episode'. Her once springy step had decayed into steps of necessity. Depression was fast catching up with her, and there was only one person who stood any chance of pulling her out of it, and it wasn't her mother. Four days after Merry's death, and he had yet to make an appearance.

Mrs Scully, somewhat concerned about her own daughter's mental state, had assured the doctors that she would take care of her. They returned to Scully's apartment only to pick up her bare essentials before her mother took her to her house. Scully slowly opened the door to her apartment. It suddenly seemed so empty and lonely. She was glad she would not be staying there for a while. She stood for a minute just looking at her apartment, absentmindedly twisting the hospital tag that was still on her wrist.

Mrs Scully then accompanied her daughter to the bedroom, and helped her pack some things. Evidence of the baby she should have brought home littered the apartment in the form of baby name books, ultrasound scans, baby clothes and toys. Mulder had decorated the spare room to accommodate their new addition. Thankfully, the door was shut, so she was spared that indignity.

Scully made quick work of packing, wanting to get out of there as fast as she could. Too many memories and ghosts haunted her there. She needed some place safe, some place neutral, some place familiar, and right now that wasn't her apartment.

They left in silence for Mrs Scully's house.

Scully arrived with her mother dressed in all black, today giving up her usual suits for a more motherly long black dress and jacket. The sun was shining brightly, but the temperature was chilled, and a cool breeze blew, but Scully didn't feel any of it.

A small crowd of family and close friends had gathered. Skinner and Doggett had arrived together, but remained low-key emphasizing the need for this to be a family event. Frohike, Langley and Byers had even given up their geeky outfits for tailored black suits. After all, they had played surrogate fathers while Mulder was missing. The only family that had attended on Scully's side had been her mother, and she was glad for her comfort and support, as well as her friends.

At that thought, anger raged through her body. She was angry with Mulder for ditching her when she needed him the most, for not saying goodbye to their daughter, but what angered her more was that he was not here now. This was his last chance to say a final farewell, and he as going to miss it. But as much at it angered her to not have him there, somewhere deep inside, she longed to collapse into his arms and cry until she had no more tears to cry.

She scanned the crowd before the service hoping to see that one face in particular. However, out of the small crowd that were present, his face was not among them. Once again, even with her friends and family around her for support, she felt alone. She was stuck in a dark place with no exit and way for anyone to reach her.

The priest took a few minutes to inform Scully that he would like to start the service. Scully agreed and headed towards her daughter's graveside. Two rows of seat had been set out. Everyone followed Scully's suit, her mother taking the seat beside her. The seat on the other side however remained empty, a hollow reminder that Mulder should be present.

Scully took the opportunity to gaze at the flowers everyone had been so kind in donating. A reef of Baby's Breaths lay on top of the black coffin. Her mother had sprung for a large bunch of white lilies. Scully allowed herself a little chuckle at the thought of the bunch being big enough to hide Merry in, keeping her from the world.

Mrs Scully took her daughter's hand in hers and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking, was all." Scully leaned in to her mother and rested her head on her shoulder, and whispered, "You know what? Merry was so much his daughter. Even in those few short hours I spent with her, I could see and sense Mulder in her. She hung on out of sheer determination, just like Mulder does. She was so *our* child. He helped create her, even if not in the conventional sense. But now, he doesn't even have the gall to turn up to his own daughter's funeral. Why mom? Why isn't he here? Why isn't he here when I need him the most?" Tears fell down her porcelain face.

"I don't know sweetheart, I really don't know." Mrs Scully, on the verge of crying along with her daughter, pulled Scully into an embrace, allowing her to sob in the privy of her mother's bosom.

The service was a short one, but a memorable service nonetheless. The priest gave a short prayer, and then Mrs Scully had read a short poem, dedicating it to her dear departed granddaughter. The poem had been one of Scully's childhood favorites and had brought Scully close to tears, but she refused to cry in front of so many people.

Once in the private of her own home, she could break down, but not now. Not in front of some many people. She had to remain strong, no matter what it took. She couldn't handle the comments and stares she would get if she gave into her emotions. There was a time and place for everything, and crying now, here, was not an option.

Scully watched on as her daughter was lowered into the pre-dug hole. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing, determined not to shred a tear until she was home, where it was safe to cry. Scully was the first to throw a handful of mud on the coffin. She also took from her hand the single red rose she had been carrying since her arrival. She kissed the silky petals and tossed it to her daughter whispering, "I'll always love you baby."

After the service, Scully had been assaulted with consolations of her loss from those gathered and compliments as to the ceremony her mother had organized so well. Both Agent Doggett and Skinner had informed her that they were only a phone call away if she needed anything.

The Gunmen were the last to come and offer their condolences. Frohike hung his head in respect, and announced, "We're so sorry about this Scully." Scully meekly smiled at him. "Say, where's Mulder? We didn't see him here," Frohike asked.

"You tell me! You tell me where he's been hiding this past week!" she screamed in a whisper, not wishing to draw undue attention to herself.

"Well, he's been at ours," Langley added, puzzled by what was going on.


"I don't understand Dana," Byers began. "Mulder told us that you didn't want him around, that you needed some time. And he said he didn't want to be alone right now, so he's been kipping at our place. He's been coming to see you everyday, that's what he told us."

"Well he hasn't. And he's been nowhere near his apartment since I left the hospital. I haven't seen him since the day Merry was born. What the hell is going on you guys?"

"I don't know, maybe we should ask Mulder that question."

"Yes, maybe I should, if I could find him."

"Well, you could always come around our place. I'm sure he'll be there this evening." Frohike smiled.

Scully, not in the mood for pleasantries, shot him a fake smile, announced her departure and went to join her mother who was stood at the graveside.

"Sweetheart, is everything okay? I heard you mention Fox's name."

"I don't want to talk about *him* right now. Can you give me a few minutes mom? I just want some quiet time alone, to say goodbye properly."

"Of course. I'll be waiting in the car," she nodded, and headed towards the car, giving her daughter the time and space she needed.

Scully turned her back on the departing crowd and stepped closer to her daughter's graveside. She knelt down on the dewy grass, oblivious to the grass stains and moisture her skirt was picking up. At that moment in time, she just wanted to be close to her deceased daughter. Kneeling at the grave she once again began a short prayer to the Heavens asking them to watch over her child and guide her home.

Her prayers were disturbed when she heard footsteps behind. Footsteps she knew all too well, footsteps that belonging to someone in particular whom she wanted to stay clear of at that precise moment in time.

"Yet another innocent life lost because of me, because of my quest."

"You're too late for the service, it's over," she announced bitterly.

"I know. Your mother did a good job," he replied his voice gruff. He had been crying. "It was beautiful."

Scully's head snapped up from the gravestone and she made eye contact with him. "You were here all along?"

"Yeah. I was stood over there," he said, pointing to a tall tree in the distance.

"If you were here, why didn't you come over?"

"I didn't think I'd be welcome."

"You were right, I wouldn't have welcomed you. But then Merry was your daughter too. You had every right to be here. However, you did something that was unforgivable. You walked out on me, on us. So, now it's my turn. If you'll excuse me, my mother is waiting for me." With that, she rose from her crouching position and headed away from both Mulder and her daughter.

"I never meant to hurt you like that," he called out after her.

Scully stopped dead in her tracks. The anger she had been keeping locked up inside for the past week finally escaped in a large eruption. "Then why the hell did you leave me?!" she shouted, this time not caring who saw or heard them. She wanted everyone to see him for who his really was. The man that walked out on her after their daughter died.

"Why? Because I thought I could help," he replied, the guilt and remorse evident in his voice and eyes. "I was warned this would happen. Krycek paid me a visit just before you came to pick me up from the hospital. He said my life had been saved, so he was coming to collect his reward - your...our baby. I thought that maybe I could make a deal with him, our baby's life for mine. He asked me to bring him the blood samples before he would even think of giving me a cure. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but I had to take the chance. I knew how much it would kill you if Merry died."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered, her mouth suddenly dry, and her throat getting smaller by the second.

"You had other things on your mind. Besides, I was tricked, and in the time it took him to analyze the blood, my baby girl had died. He had everything he needed, and so did I. He actually handed over the vaccine to me, giving me false hope, while all along knowing she was dead. But when I got to the hospital, you were gone, and Merry was gone. If only I had accepted her fate from the beginning, I could have given you and her the support you both needed and deserved. But I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that what if this was Krycek's plan from the start? What if she's still alive somewhere Scully? We didn't see her for half an hour after she was born, anything could of happened to her."

"Mulder, you're upset, you're not thinking straight, you weren't thinking straight. You made a mistake, that's all. But Merry is dead. She's lying in that coffin. I was with her for those few short hours. I watched her fight for her life. I watched the life seep away from her. I watched her die right in front of my very eyes, and I didn't even get to hold her. Do you have any idea what that feels like?" Her anger was raging again. "She was right there, right in front of me, but I couldn't touch her; my miracle that was literally just out of my reach."

The sadness in Mulder's expression broke her once again. She sighed heavily and replied, "She's dead Mulder; trust me on that one. It's unfortunate and it's damn right heartbreaking that it happened to *our* child, but it happened. She died, and now, we have to learn to accept it and move on." Scully took a deep breath and fought of the threatening tears. "There is no one who is going to miss this child more than me.

"I carried her for nearly nine months! She was a part of me, and now she's gone. Just like that. And so were you, right when I needed you the most." Scully covered her mouth with her hand, and closed her eyes as she tried to calm herself down. "I can't do this on my own, I don't want to grieve by myself. Merry had two parents Mulder. We should be grieving together. You always said we were an unbeatable team." Scully smiled solemnly at the memory. "Please Mulder, I don't want this to beat us. I need you now Mulder, more than I ever have before. Please, come home with me."

Mulder was silent for a few moments. Scully, taking that as his answer set her on the verge of sobbing once again. She bit her bottom lip to keep from screaming at him. She turned away and started heading towards the awaiting black car that would take her back to her mother's house. Her heart had already been ripped from her chest once that week, and now it was being stepped upon. It was being shattered into a million of irreparable pieces, as she walked away from the only person she had truly loved.

"Dana?" On hearing her Christian name from his mouth, she froze. There were only two things he was going to say to her, either that he wanted to try and make things better or goodbye. She prayed to anyone and everyone listening that it would not be the latter. "I want to come home."

A huge grin erupted on her face, and her eyes began to sting with unshed tears. She turned around, her bottom lip quivering from the effort of not crying. She had to see if she had heard right. She needed to know if he really was coming home. Her shattered heart at least now stood some chance of being repaired. Mulder held out his arms inviting her into an embrace. Smiling, she ran to him and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"Can I stop being strong now?" she whispered.

"Yeah. I'm here now. I'll catch you when you fall, promise," he whispered as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

That's when she let the tears fall freely. She held nothing back. Her sobs could be heard halfway across the cemetery, but then she had every right to cry. She had just lost the miracle child she had hoped for, for so long. It wasn't long before her sobs were joined by a deeper set. Mulder was crying with her, for his daughter too.

And that's how they stayed for a full hour. They remained stood in the middle of the cemetery grounds, wrapped in each other's embrace, crying for a life that they had created together, crying for the loss of that miraculous life and the way it had been so cruelly taken away from them. But they also cried for finally finding themselves in each other again.

"You are my miracle," Scully whispered.

"And you are mine," he replied.

The End

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