Title: You Are Always Here
Author: Gillian
Written: September 2001
Feedback: blue_cerulean@hotmail.com
Rating: gentle
Spoilers: Existence
Disclaimer: These characters and all things X-Files are the property of CC and 1013. Story created out of respect for that amazing gift.

Summary: the scene after Mulder arrives in "Bethlehem" and goes to get Scully and bring her home.

Comments: watching Existence, again, I wanted to see him see his son for the first time. This story fills in another of the gaps of the season for me. It is the sixth in a series of stories that deal with their desire to come home to each other: "Partners in all other senses of the word"; Thank You For Coming Back to Us; "Which is what?"; "I will come home, I promise" and 4 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours. Thanks to everyone for the incredible and valuable feedback.

Dedication: for new friends, and for havens.

Where is she?

Where is she?

Oh my god, where is she?

The dust from the departing cars was beginning to fill his eyes, and he fought the most overwhelming urge to fall to his knees and just start screaming. He banged on the window of each car as it drove past him. What if she's in the back of one of these cars. Why are they going so quickly? Oh my god, where is she? Am I too late?

It was a blur. The chaos of the departing cars, the noise of the helicopter, the dust, the night, the panic of knowing that something had happened and he hadn't been here for it. The sound of a voice calling his name split through the night air. Agent Reyes. He couldn't even concentrate on what she was saying, except to know that Scully was in the room behind her.

Please, please, please, please...

As he entered the small room the cacophony behind him seemed to dissipate. His eyes adjusted to the light which was streaming in through cracks at the windows, and pulled his gaze immediately to where she was lying.

She was bathed in orange light, and as he began to make out her frame he found himself catching his breath. In all the time that he had known her, he couldn't honestly think of a moment when he had been so incredibly overwhelmed by how beautiful she looked.


He walked over to where she was sitting, propped up and wrapped in what looked like a sheet. Her hair cascaded over her face, and she was staring down at the bundle she held in her arms. The baby. Relief washed through his body as he realized that the cars driving off didn't have either of them. He startled himself with the thought that in the panic of seeing the cars cascading out of town he had only been worried about Scully and where she was. He hadn't realized that there was now a baby. As he looked from Scully's radiance down into the tiny, exquisite face of this small child he felt his entire world change.

At the sound of his voice saying her name, she raised her head and stared directly into his eyes. "Mulder. Our son. Oh god, Mulder, our son."

Their son. He didn't want this moment to end, and he hated himself for not being here. For missing the birth of their son. In all of his intense desire to make sure that nothing happened to her this week, he has lost sight of the fact that this moment would never come again. The uncertainty of everything, the concern and hype about Scully's baby, had put her safety at the top of his concerns. Not once in the past few days had he asked himself how he would feel if he missed this moment. Missed being with her, next to her, holding her hand, as she gave birth to their child.

"Forgive me..." his voice cracked. The emotion in those two words conveying the enormity of the moment.

"There is nothing to forgive," she whispered, and then placing her hand gently over her heart, she continued, "you are always here." The crackle in her voice conveyed both the emotion of the sentiment, and that she had been screaming for hours. And, then moving her hand to gently cup the head of their tiny son, she whispered "and now, Mulder, you are here too." Her eyes moved from his, back to staring at their tiny, beautiful, miraculous child. In all the years that they had worked together so many things had taken them in different directions. But in a few simple words, she conveyed to him what he so desperately need to hear. That they had never been apart. Even death hadn't been able to separate them.

He had orchestrated her coming to this place in the middle of nowhere, with no guarantees that he would come for her. The last few weeks he had questioned who he was in her life. He had distanced himself from the X-Files, and allowed himself, unwittingly, to be used by Alex Krycek one final time. He had battled some unknown alien replicant movement that, but only for her, he would have been part of too. And, in all of that, she still bore no anger or resentment. She had been patient, and loving, and fiercely protective.

And, when he missed being with her at perhaps the most important moment in her life, she found a way to make him believe that he hadn't missed the birth of their child, because he was always in her heart. He couldn't imagine loving anyone more then he loved her in that moment.

He wanted to stay in this place, their newfound haven.

But it was time to make sure they were safe. In one gentle movement, he lifted her up into his arms. She held their small son to her chest, and rested her head back on his shoulder. He was conscious that she was wet with blood, and he could feel in her the fatigue of the last few hours, but as he breathed deeply he took in her undeniable, unique and beautiful scent. So many times she had rested against him and he had drawn strength from that very smell. As he began to move towards the door the delicateness of her scent flooded him with memories. The night they had conceived their son. That day in Oregon when he climbed into her bed and told her it was time for the search to end. The day he had woken up from death to find her sitting next to him.

He pulled her closer, and stepped towards the door.

The spell of their haven now broken by the urgency of getting her safe, the night air filled his ears with the chaos that had eerily departed when he saw her in the light for the first time. He had only one purpose now. And with the conviction that had driven his relentless search for the past eight years he moved towards the waiting helicopter. It was finally time to take his family home.

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