Title: Verlassen
Author: Maggy
Date: March 2003
Warning: PG
Category: MSR, ST, A
Spoiler: Season 9, Post-William, Pr-The Truth, Emily, Trust no one
Disclaimer: The characters of the series do not belong to me as always...So CC, you OK for me to take them for a little moment, just to share something from me and pleasure with the other X-philes? Thank you!

Note: The abandonment of a child is a difficult subject to approach, that I always wanted to write about. William is an episode, which pushes me to do it. I've been shocked as many fans around the world by the choice of Chris Carter, to force Scully to abandon her child, did he do it by facility or by necessity, for the future of the series? In all cases, we can always hope and believe...

I have to thank Lisa one more time for the good work she's done. She help me to make that story more Interesting. You're a beautiful and generous person Lisa and I'm proud to know you and to have you as Beta. I couldn't imagine a better one!

Summary: Mrs. Margaret Scully learns the abandonment of her daughter's child...


"One day, you'll ask me to speak of a truth; Of the miracle of your birth. To explain what is unexplained, and if I falter or fail on this day, know that there is an answer, my child... A sacred, imperishable truth, but one you may never hope to find alone. Chance meeting your perfect other, your perfect opposite... Your protector and endangerer. A Chance embarking with this other special person on the greatest of journeys. A search for truths, fugitive and imponderable. If one day this chance may befall you, my son, do not fail or falter, just seize it. The truths are out there, and if one day you should behold a miracle as I have in you... You will learn that truth is not found in science or on some unseen plane, but by looking into your own heart. In that moment you will be blessed... and stricken. For the truest truths are what hold us together, but keep us painfully desperately apart."

Scully, Trust no one

**

REYES: "I know it's impossible to stop thinking about what he said about William ... but it's all lies, Dana, and you were the one who proved it."

SCULLY: "And how should I prove it now? By insisting that I can protect him ... only to learn too late that I can't?"

REYES: "You say it as if you have a choice."

SCULLY: "He wasn't given a choice to come into this life. I don't have a choice about what he is, or was ... but I do have a choice about the life my son will have ..."

SCULLY: "... And shouldn't I choose that he never have to be afraid of anyone or anything? And can I ever really even promise him that?"

REYES: "But who can?"

From William


The dawn was beginning to lift on the capital, and agent Dana Scully was discovering the first rays of sun that cleared a path through the real estate of Georgetown. It had been impossible to sleep, and after having strolled through every empty and silent room of her apartment, she stood there, before the window of her bedroom, her look fixed in the distance, her face imprinted by tiredness and a deep sadness.

How did she come to this point? How did she succeed to survive and how to continue today? The existence to go on and each person to see themselves taken in the whirlwind of destiny, where it's necessary to hold or to lose, to abandon or to fight. The chance and circumstances play only a weak part in the destiny of each one, but the vehemence of events that have granted new life to her are so very extraordinary. No one could believe it and nevertheless, it's the reality, as painful and inhuman it is.

Dana Scully couldn't ignore this truth. She had so much desired this child that They'd prevented her from having, and nevertheless, despite this relentlessness to hurt her, despite vain attempts of medicine, she's became pregnant, a mysterious force had given her this miracle. This child she had so much hoped and waited for, but also feared. How not to be frightened by the strange and the unknown, and especially how to live with the doubt? But, thanks to him, she had to hold on, because it was important and right to keep that with her, the memory of the man she loves, such as to be the continuation of a communion with him. Hopefully one day.

And today, she has abandoned her baby. This was not the first time she'd lost a Child, She had already lost Emily, but she didn't want to make the same mistake: She was committed to protect William; whatever it cost her. She was prepared to sacrifice her life , one she so desired as a mother, she will have to assume this course of action, reproved and morally condemned, that nevertheless seems like a suitable gift for her child, such a ultimate gesture of love by knowing that she couldn't give him a life, without the danger of loosing him...Sometimes, to abandon is the only way to let life continue.

Someone came knocking on her door, shaking her from her lethargic and sad contemplation. Who was it? It doesn't matter finally, because she doesn't want to, speak or see anybody, except perhaps the man with whom she shared this miracle. Only he could fulfill that gaping hole she carried inside her and break this intolerable solitude, but could he understand what she'd had to do now? She had taken this decision alone, although William is their son...

" My god, what did I do? Will Mulder ever be able to forgive me? "

"Dana?"

"Mom?"

"What happened?"

"What are you doing here, Mom, and how did you get here ?"

"You didn't reply when I phoned and I was getting worried, So I used my key. Dana, something's wrong?"

Scully returned to stare out of her window, avoiding the scrutiny and the presence of her mother. Not now, She didn't want to talk, neither could she tell her the news about William, nor deal with her mother's stark judgment of her.

"Not now Mom, please, I can't speak about it, let me be."

"Dana, no! You're frightening me ! What's happened? Is it Fox? Or Where is... Where is William?"

Margaret Scully watched a tear slide down her daughter's face, the reflection of the window could not hide.

"Where is my grandson? Dana, answer me! And stop trying to hide yourself from me, I'm your mother! Why don't you want to speak to me, your own mother? Why don't you trust me anymore, to confide in your own mother! Dana, I need to know! What's happened here?"

" William........."

"What? Dana, look at me, please!"

".....I have given William up for adoption. I had to. How that? It's pretty clear, no? I've given up my child." Her mother looked horribly stricken, her eyes widening in shock.

"No! Dana, Why and how could you have been able to do such a thing?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now.....Its too raw, too painful to explain to you all the reasons that led me to make this very heartbreaking decision, and what led me to take it, and have to send my child to strangers. I need to be alone, and then let me process everything."

"No, you're not going to stand there, hiding away in this apartment with your silence. I need to know.Dana? You owe me an explanation, for once! It is my grandson for god sake!"

"I know but,..I... Don't condemn me too quickly, mom...Abandoning William does not mean that I'm rejecting him, but on the contrary, I'm giving him a chance to escape his destiny. To live a safe life. I can't give him that; he's always in danger, here with me." Scully waited for her mother's inevitable anger.

"I don't understand you at all, it's inconceivable... I no longer recognize you, your attitude...since...since..."

"Since when mummy?"

" Since you've known Fox Mulder! All these secrets, these mysteries... about your Work, your relationship with your partner, and now William! Why hide everything from me like that?"

"My relationship with Mulder concerns only him and me. And about William, I had no other choices. It was necessary that he get away from me, to protect him, to allow him to have the chance of a normal life."

"I still don't understand! You wanted this child, wanted him so much, Dana. I have seen you with him... I can't believe you have abandoned the miracle that God offered to you!"

"Mum, I believe you'll never be able to understand."

"But how can you expect or want me to understand anything, since you never tell me anything nothing! Dana, I don't think I even know you anymore! I would never have thought that my own daughter could be capable of such an aberration and I can not accept it."

"Do think this is any easier for me, or that I accept this situation?"

"I don't know, I'm wondering if finally, to give up William seems easier than to confront the truth."

"Mother! How can you say that?"

"Because even if I know that you love this child, I know also, that you had some fears, the fear of the how and the why. About his origins, am I right?"

"Oh mom, that's so cruel of you. Even if there's a part of me that fears the reasons behind my sudden fertility again, I have no doubt about loving or wanting my child. I can't keep him with me, its not safe. I fear for him. The forces against us that I cant even begin to explain, let along expect you to understand or believe."

"Very well then, why can't you tell me! Try me, help me to understand."

"But what mum?"

"Oh my God! Who is William's father?" Scully smiled sadly.

"Is it so hard to guess?"

"No."

"Then why do I need to tell you, as you already know who it is?"

"I would have like to hear it from you, I would like you to tell me what you feel deep inside, right here in your heart, to share some of what you're going through, your life with me. I want to listen, I'm your mother."

"Ok, right!...You want to hear me! You want to hear me to tell you that my heart is totally broken, that it killed me to have given William up, that I've never missed Mulder more right at this moment, because he's the only person that understands me and who makes me happy? You want to know how much I miss him every minute of every day and how I'm afraid I am, scared that he'll never forgive me to have taken this decision alone, although William is his son too?..... Mum, I need him so much....."

" But then, Where is he? If he's the father of your child, shouldn't he have to be here?

"He has to leave to protect us, I had to beg him to go because his life was threatened, our lives were all threatened if he stayed. I begged him to go, he didn't want to. William and I haven't heard from him in months. I'm anxious about his safety and that I'll never see him again, that he's dead or also disappeared completely from my life, I believe that I can't continue without him and without William. I feel so empty....a shell of loneliness...Mom."

"It's incredible! Everything you're saying, it's like you've sacrificed your life for this work with the FBI, for Mulder, the invisible and suffered the loss of your partner, your son! And you're standing there, all alone moping about what you've lost, but did you truly fight to keep them? Did you and Mulder resolve to abandon your parental roles, or reject leading a normal family life. Did you even try to give this child the family he needs?

"No, of course not, and believe me mum, if we had the possibility of a true family life, we would have shared it with you but, mom, it is more complicated than that and there are things that you do not know, phenomena that is incredible and unbelievable. Just because you ignore it, doesn't mean Mulder or I can, I live with this daily and I can't ignore them. I wish I had a normal life with Mulder and My child. I wish it with every fiber of my being, to have my child, to hold the man that I love in my arms. I envy your ignorance for the things I know, that we have seen."

"You want to speak about the X-Files. It's because of them that caused all this, that you have become SO distant with your own family. Frankly, I wish that you never had known about them, that you'd never met Mulder. Then you would be in medicine, you would be married by now with children, you'd have a life."

"A life of lies, because it would not be like me. I like my work and despite all the obstacles, despite all sufferings and losses, I would not want to make other choices. I have advanced; I am not the same person I was nine years ago. I've seen things, so much of it incredible and frightening, but I have also learned an enormous amount, about myself, and especially because I have met Mulder; Mulder is my world, my heart, along with our son and I have to hope that I'll find both of them again one day ..I have to keep that hope alive or I can't survive. It keeps me going, it's the only thing.."

"And what are you going to do now?" The phone interrupted Scully's reply.

"Excuse-me mum, I have to answer."

"It doesn't matter, I need to think about this, what you've done. I'm going home. Goodbye Dana."

"Mom!"

"I am sorry but I can't accept this, it's too difficult, I can't even grasp why you did this, or have any kind of understanding that you would cast off your own child. And Mulder's, especially without him being here to make that decision with you. How is he going to feel?"

"OK. I understand very well in fact. I was right not to discuss this with you. I've had to make this choice alone. I have taken a difficult decision and it is necessary henceforth that I assume this responsibility and reality. Alone, I have to fight, mom, in order that William could live in a better world, a normal life and perhaps in future, a life where we would be all be together again and reunited with his father." Mrs. Scully slammed the door shut without another word. Sighing with utter sadness, Dana answered the phone.

"Agent Scully. It's Skinner."

"Yes. What is it?"

"It's Mulder."

"What?"

"We've found him and he needs you, Dana."

"Mulder....."

Finally, she was going to see him again, she's no longer have to be alone to confront the truth... and hopefully, they would one day find William again, their son. Together.

"Maybe, there's hope", Fox Mulder, The Truth.

FINIS.

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