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Title: The Sycamore Files Summary: The X-Files have met their match - the Sycamores! If you've seen the movie but not the play, you may disagree on minor details - Olga Katrina, Essie's baby, etc. Do not flame me for technicalities like this, the main idea is the crazy free-for-all that is the Sycamore household. And yes, I *know* Kolenkhov isn't psychic, but bear with me, I needed *somebody* to have a vision and I wasn't about to make it Rheba. Second Note: This was written before I saw "Tunguska/Terma", and I didn't know that Mulder didn't know Russian. Oh well, I'm too lazy to go back and change it. This is *my* crossover, *I* make the rules, and I say Mulder is fluent in Russian. And whatever I say goes!! BWAH HAH HAAAAH!!! >:-D For once, the Sycamore house was in relative calm. Despite the late hour of three in the morning, Penny was sitting at her typewriter, staring blankly at the keys. De Pinna and Paul weren't blowing up new fireworks in search of the perfect Fourth of July explosive, and Essie's pointe shoes were, for once, not beating out a staccato accompaniment to Ed's xylophone. In fact, Essie was sound asleep, curled up against Ed, not five feet away from the baby's crib. A flash of light erupted from the bedroom window, but it might have been one of De Pinna's fireworks. A scream echoed from the house, but it might have been a shout of triumph as the Divine Urge in Penny supplied her with a new idea for a story. Essie awoke blearily to see a black silhouette, strangely humanoid, take the baby from its crib. She screamed and tried to get out of bed but found herself paralyzed. She could only watch as her child Stella, Carmichael, only 6 months old, passed out of the light, and out of sight. "Where is it again?" Mulder asked, looking out of the windows as he drove. "761 West Claremont," Scully read from the case file. "That's where this Essie Carmichael lives. And Mulder - don't take this as an alien abduction case right away. Just because Stella Carmichael disappeared in the middle of the night doesn't classify this as an X-file." "Who said anything about an alien abduction?" "Mulder, drop the innocent look. It does not become you." "Awwwww. . ." They were less than twenty yards from 761 Claremont when the engine sputtered and died. "Oh *man*," Mulder groaned, banging his head against the steering wheel, "how come this *always* happens with the rental cars?" "Hey, it could have happened a few miles back," Scully pointed out. "True. But now this means I've got to call a tow truck and haul the car to - oh,**!" "What now?" Scully asked. "The phones are out of whack again. We're out of range." "Well, maybe we can use the Carmichaels' phone," she suggested. They walked up to the house and knocked on the door - the bell was all but torn out of the wall. Tinny xylophone music floated through the thin wooden walls. A waifish blond woman of twenty-something answered the door, perched high on tattered ballet shoes. "We're Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully," Mulder introduced, holding up his badge, as did Scully. "Oh yes, the FBI. Come in," the woman said, holding open the door and gesturing with a dying-swan sweep of her arms. "I'm Essie Carmichael just call me Essie - this is Ed," she pointed to the man diligently playing the xylophone. "Hello," Ed said absently, fiddling with the head of one of the sticks. Mulder nodded in his direction. "Oh, Mother? These are Agents Mulder and Scully," Essie called to a woman of about fifty, clacking away on an ancient typewriter. "This is my mother, Penny Sycamore." "The FBI?" Penny said with interest. "That would make an interesting story. Is it exciting to work for the government?" "Nah, just your everyday job," Mulder said. "Except for the poisonous bees, the alien abductions, the conspiracies, the flukeworm-man hybrids. . ," Scully said under her breath. Suddenly a loud explosion rocked the house. Mulder and Scully jumped at the noise, but the rest of the Sycamores and Carmichaels didn't seen to notice. "Ah, that would be Paul and Mr. De Pinna," Penny laughed nervously. Scully looked towards the cellar, the source of the noise. "What are they making down there, cherry bombs?" "Close enough. They're making fireworks," Ed said nonchalantly, playing a tremolo on the xylophone. "Uh, they *do* have a permit, don't they?" Mulder asked. "Oh, of course. They arrested us a year ago, almost to the day, for making fireworks without a permit. Paul and De Pinna were sure to get a permit after that." Another man, about forty-five, burst out of the cellar with a shout of "EUREKA!!" He kissed Penny on the cheek. "We've finished the balloon, Penny! These will sell like hotcakes at the fair come July Fourth!" "Paul, these are Agents Mulder and Scully. From the *F-B-I*, about Essie's baby," Penny told the man. "This is my husband, Paul." Paul nodded to the agents. "I'm coming, De Pinna," he shouted down to the cellar. "Nice meeting you," he called over his shoulder to Mulder and Scully. At the mention of her baby, Essie's sunny mood collapsed like a souffl(. "I can't believe it really happened," she said softly. "Stella was so beautiful. Who would take a *baby*, for God's sake? She wasn't even a year old!" Essie seemed near tears. Ed moved beside her to offer support. "We'll do everything possible to find your child, Mrs. Car - Essie,Scully assured her. "Did you see anything strange that night?" Essie stared up at the ceiling in thought, tapping a slippered toe against the floor. "I saw a bright light outside the window," she offered after a moment. Somebody screamed, and the next thing I knew Stella was gone." She shook her head morosely. "Have you ever experienced missing time, Essie?" Mulder asked. "No-o," Essie replied after a second. "Any lights in the sky?" "Only De Pinna and Ed's fireworks." Mulder was about to ask another question, but Scully tried to steer the questions onto a more mundane course. " Mrs. Carmichael, did you see anybody follow you home, anybody hanging around outside?" Essie shook her head. "Ed, did anybody follow you when you delivered the candies?" "Nope. No neighbors, no men in black, nothing." "Men in black?" Mulder's interested was piqued again. "There were a few pestering Grandpa for his income taxes, and they'd follow Ed home," Essie explained. "You wouldn't happen to work with them, would you?" Penny asked, typing away. "No, that's another department," Scully answered. The door slammed, and a thin Russian man breezed in. "Ah, my Pavlova,he declared in a thick Russian accent, then stopped short at the sight of Mulder and Scully. "Ah no. More income taxes?" "No, Kolenkhov, these are Agents Mulder and Scully from the FBI. They came about Essie's baby," Penny supplied. "Ah! It is about time!" the man said airily. "Boris Kolenkhov." He bowed and clicked his heels in military style. "Pavlova, we have a lesson today?" "Not today, Mr. Kolenkhov," Essie told him. Kolenkhov nodded understandingly. "Where is Mr. Vanderhoff?" "Off at another one of those commencement exercises," Penny said absently, typing again. "Mr. Kolenkhov," Scully began, stumbling a little over the foreign name, "do you have any information about the night Stella Carmichael disappeared?" Kolenkhov's face clouded over momentarily. "No, I regret. A wonderful child. I adored her as if she were my own daughter." Another lady swept into the room, also Russian, in a waitress uniform. "Schrafft's, my dear Kolenkhov! Now we see what Prince Alexis has to say after working in *Hattie Carnegie* all day!" "You were promoted to Schraffts? That's wonderful, Duchess!" Penny said excitedly. "*Duchess*?!" Scully murmured to Mulder. "Ms. Scully, Mr. Mulder, the Grand Duchess Olga Katrina!" Kolenkhov introduced them. Hands were shaken all around. Scully turned and noticed the snake terrarium next to her and quickly moved away from it. Olga found this hilarious. "That was helpful," Scully said sarcastically as she and Mulder walked back to the stranded car. "I still think Essie should be regressed," Mulder said obstinately. "Mulder, let it go. It's not an alien abduction, the 'men in black' were IRS officials, and Stella's kidnapping has -" "A perfectly logical explanation," Mulder parroted. "That line's starting to get old, Scully. As they approached the car, they heard a clanking sound from underneath, and Paul Sycamore emerged, dripping with oil. "Oh man," he groaned when he saw the agents. "What did you do?" Mulder cried. Oh great, Skinner's gonna be *thrilled* with this month's expense account. . . "I noticed the car wasn't working," Paul began weakly, "and I thought it was the oil line. . .and it exploded in my face. . .I'm really sorry," he finished lamely, withering before Scully's patented Ice Queen look. Mulder blew out a breath slowly. "Can we use your phone to call the tow service, at least?" "Ah, I'd be happy to, but we don't have a phone anymore," Paul told them. "De Pinna accidentally tore it out of the wall and we haven't gotten it replaced yet." Mulder groaned. "Now what are we going to do? Sleep in the car all night?" "I've got dibs on the back seat," Scully said quickly. "Where do you plan on putting me? The trunk?" he responded. Paul's face brightened. "Hey, you can stay with us, if you want. We've got a lot of extra room." They thought a moment and accepted the man's offer. The "extra room" turned out to be in the living room. Mulder chivalrously gave Scully the couch and made do with an armchair. Mercifully, De Pinna and Paul had stopped exploding firecrackers by ten at night, and the night was relatively calm, except for the occasional clack of the typewriter, which had been moved to Penny's room. "The Muse grabs me and won't let go," she'd told them with a wry grin, carting the heavy antique typewriter out of the living room. The next day he awoke to hear Ed's xylophone, playing softly behind the couch. It took Ed a moment to realize he'd been playing too loud, then he stopped with an apologetic smile. Scully woke with a groan, then jerked awake at the sight of a terrarium of snakes not a foot away from her head. It had been too dark to notice it last night. "Whew, nice way to start the morning," she groaned to Mulder, who agreed. Soon after breakfast, Mulder went to look at the room where Stella Carmichael had disappeared. Scully went outside to look for burnt firecrackers, since Essie had mentioned that Paul and De Pinna might have been setting them off, even at that late hour. Mulder carefully inspected the crib where Stella had been sleeping. Kolenkhov, who had somehow managed to enter the house quietly, went to the crib and stood by Mulder. "A shame about Stella," he said again. "I wonder if-" He suddenly clutched at his head and fell to the ground in an apparent faint. Scully walked in just then. "Mulder, what happened?" Mulder shrugged. "He just keeled over." Eyes still closed, Kolenkhov began to speak in slurred Russian. Scully looked around to see if Olga hadn't followed Kolenkhov in, but she wasn't around to translate. Kolenkhov paused for breath, and Mulder asked, "What else? Where is she?" When Kolenkhov didn't answer, he repeated the question in Russian, to Scully's surprise. This elicited another long response from Kolenkhov. Oh great, Mulder was off on another X-file. If it wasn't a psychic life insurance agent, it was a psychic Russian dance teacher. "Well Mulder, you got your X-file after all," she murmured to her unheeding partner. After a moment it seemed Kolenkhov had said all he was going to say. "What was *that* all about?" Scully asked Mulder "He saw her, Scully." His face was flushed with excitement. "Saw *who*? Never mind, I can figure that one out myself. Mulder, this is not the second Clyde Bruckman, he's not going to lead us to the kidnapper." "That's what you said about Bruckman." Scully shook her head and tried another tack. "How do you know it's really a psychic vision? Who said he didn't kidnap Stella himself?" "*Him*, kidnap Stella? Somehow that doesn't fit." "He seems suspiciously interested in the investigation," Scully pointed out. "When he knew we weren't getting anywhere, he could have faked a psychic vision to throw us off." "True," Mulder agreed reluctantly. "Just the same, I don't think we should just brush this off." Penny walked into the room, reading a manuscript she'd recently typed. "Oh man, again?" she groaned when she saw Kolenkhov lying on the ground. "Again? He has fainting spells?" Scully said with concern. "Sometimes," Penny amended. "He starts babbling in Russian. Essie's picked some up, but not enough to understand what he's saying. Rheba, do me a favor and get a wet washcloth for Mr. Kolenkhov," she called to the maid. She turned to go, then turned back. "Funny thing about those fainting spells, though - once he had one when Duchess Olga was here, and she was able to translate. I'd lost my wedding ring, and Olga said he told her the ring was stuck in the typewriter. Lo and behold," she continued as she headed towards the living room, "it was right where he said it'd be." Mulder was wearing the look of the cat who ate the canary. "One word out of you, Mulder, and you are walking back to DC." "So what did Kolenkhov say?" Scully asked once the Russian was back on his feet, and giving Essie a ballet lesson. "You already said he knew where she was, but any other details?" Mulder shrugged. "Stella's safe, that was the gist of it." "Any details? Landmarks, people?" He thought for a second. "He mentioned a Miriam. Oh, and orchids. He kept repeating the word for orchids." "Miriam and orchids. Not a lot to go by." "Kolenkhov also said Stella was nearby. We can start asking the neighbors if they've seen the baby," Mulder suggested. "And we can ask if anybody knows a Miriam." " Mrs. Sycamore," Scully asked Penny, "do you know a Miriam?" "Miriam?" Penny was looking for a page from a play. "No, I can't say I do." "Maybe Miriam Kirby?" Essie suggested, sliding into the splits on the carpet. "Oh, right!" Penny said, slapping her palm against her forehead. "I forgot about Mrs. Kirby. Alice's mother-in-law," she explained to the agents. "And Alice would be. . ." "Essie's sister. She was staying over with Tony's family - Tony's her husband - and you didn't get to meet them last night. Another loud bang rocked the house, but nobody seemed to notice. De Pinna was in the cellar again, working on firecrackers for the Fourth of July. Paul had promised to fix the car, and he was out working on it. So far he seemed to be making good progress. "How far away do the Kirbys live, Mrs. Sycamore?" Mulder asked after the echoes of the explosion had died away. "Hmm? Oh, only twenty minutes walking. Straight down thataway." Penny pointed out the direction. The agents thanked her and went to see how the car was doing. "Not quite finished yet" Paul called out from under the car. "I fixed the oil line, and I'm starting on what got us here in the first place." "Well, how 'bout it, Scully? You feel like walking a mile to the Kirbys' place?" Mulder offered. She nodded her assent, and was glad she'd decided not to wear heels that Day. The first thing they noticed about the Kirby house was the smell of orchids that assaulted them from the minute they stepped onto the Kirbys' property. Mulder gave Scully a smug look at the correlation with Kolenkhov's prediction, but said nothing. When they rang the bell, a whip-thin woman, obviously Miriam Kirby, Answered the door. "Can I help you?" " Mrs. Kirby, we're Agents Mulder and Scully from the FBI," Mulder introduced, holding out the badge. "We've come to ask you some questions about Stella Carmichael." "Oh dear. Yes, please, come in," Mrs. Kirby urged, concern etched on her face. The house was quieter and dimmer than that of the Sycamores, and much more elaborately decorated. Scully would have preferred to have spent the night in the Kirbys' house, but it lacked something the Sycamores' house fairly overflowed with. The dark halls and somber rugs didn't have the same vivacious quality that the braided rugs and chipping paint on the Sycamores' living room. "I heard about Alice's niece disappearing," Mrs. Kirby called from the kitchen where she was getting coffee for the agents. "I feel so awful for Essie." "Did you see anything strange the night of June 29?" Mulder asked. "Any strange lights, noises?" He ignored the icy look Scully gave him. "Not a thing," Mrs. Kirby told them. "I sleep like a log." She glanced around conspiratorially, then went on in a softer voice. "I'm not saying she took Stella, mind you, but I've been watching Alice, and she's acting very strange these days." "How's that?" Scully asked. "She acts like she's hiding something. Always running off at the strangest times, like she's got to check on something. Last night she was down here at 3 in the morning heating milk." "Maybe she couldn't sleep," Mulder suggested. Mrs. Kirby shrugged. "Alice never had problems sleeping before, I don't see why she should start now. I think she took Essie's baby out of jealousy. You see, Alice and Tony have been trying to have a baby for a long time, and it hasn't been working out." Scully nodded and stood up. "Thank you for your time, Mrs. Kirby, we'll get back to you if there's anything else." They went outside and saw Paul waving out of the open window of their Ford. "I thought I'd try her out, see how good of a job I did. She's running fine now." They took the car back to the Sycamore house. Olga was back - it was her lunch hour, evidently - and she was saying loudly, "I told you, Kolenkhov, you were the seventh child of the seventh child, of *course* this was going to happen!" "Why are you suddenly so interested in the time I told Mrs. Sycamore where her wedding ring is, Olga?" replied Kolenkhov snappishly. "What does that have to do with this seventh-child business?" "It has everything to do with it!" Olga pronounced dramatically. "The seventh child of the seventh child has second sight!" Kolenkhov rolled his eyes. "First Mrs. Kirby, now you, Olga? I don't believe in that superstition, you know that!" "You found the wedding ring, and you told me when they would promote me to Fifth Avenue Child's, what other proof do you need, Kolenkhov?" "All right, all right, so I have this 'second sight'. What do you want me to do, open a shop and tell fortunes?" Penny's eyes lit up and she rushed to the typewriter and typed a sentence. "Fortune - teller - predicts - end - of - world," she mumbled to herself as she typed. "No, I do not expect you to use it for money, I think you should help the agents - " she threw an arm in the direction of Mulder and Scully "find Stella." "I am doing *what*? You expect me to help them find a *child*, when I do not even know what I did to find the ring? What do I do, then, to find Stella?" Olga shrugged. "I am an only child, I know next to nothing about this second sight." Kolenkhov made a rude noise. "Well, that's a big help!" "How many times has Mr. Kolenkhov shown signs of. . .second sight?" Mulder asked on impulse. "Five times, to my knowledge," Olga answered. "*Five*?" Kolenkhov broke in incredulously. Olga ticked them off on her fingers. "Once today, last July to predict I would be transferred to Fifth Avenue Child's, last Christmas when you told Mrs. Sycamore where the ring was, and twice in Russia. Oh, and you predicted the Revolution for Alexis, remember?" "And look where Alexis is now - selling *ladies' underwear* in Hattie Carnegie," Kolenkhov said smugly. "Mr. Kolenkhov," Mulder broke in, "I think Olga could be right. You definitely have some signs of clairvoyance, possibly precognition. "Mulder, no," Scully said, seeing the ecstatic look on Mulder's face. "If you have any insights on where to find Stella, we - I, anyway would welcome them," Mulder went on without missing a beat. "Oh, why not?" Essie broke in. "If you can See where Stella is, that's wonderful, and if not, no harm is done." Kolenkhov threw his hands in the air in a gesture of defeat. "Oh, all right. The sooner you see the mistake you are making, the better. What do I have to do?" The Kirby house was relatively quiet, except for the strains of somebody playing the saxophone - very badly at that. Thanks to a change in the direction of the wind, the oppressive smell of orchids wasn't so bad now. Kolenkhov had been silent during the drive over, refusing to speak even to Olga, who had come along. Penny had insisted on coming as well, and sported a pen and notebook to write down every single detail of the scene for her fortune teller play. Luckily the car was big enough for the five adults to fit. They'd parked far enough away from the Kirby house so that nobody would see their car, and walked the rest of the way. Penny jotted notes in her notebook, looked up, jotted some more. Kolenkhov had felt an odd buzzing in his head for a few minutes, increasing in volume as they got closer to the Kirby house. It peaked briefly, bringing a splitting headache. He gasped at the sudden stab of pain. Olga stopped in her tracks. "Kolenkhov?" Scully slipped into Doctor Mode and felt his pulse. It raced weakly, so fast it could hardly be counted. Even after only a few seconds of the headache, or whatever it was, his forehead beaded with sweat. After a few moments, he spoke in halting English. "Stella is here." "Who took her? Can you tell?" Mulder asked intensely. Penny was in near-euphoria, writing so fast her pen occasionally ran dry and she shook it impatiently. "Is Stella all right?" Olga asked. When he didn't answer she repeated in Russian. Kolenkhov spoke rapidly in the same language. For Scully and Penny's benefit, Mulder translated. "Stella's okay, whoever's got her has no intention of harming her. What do they want, money? Ransom?" he asked the Russian. "No. No money," Kolenkhov said in heavily-accented English, then lapsed back into Russian. "Ah. . .something about Tony Kirby, he's protecting her." "Who, Stella?" Penny wanted to know. "He didn't say." He waited as Kolenkhov spoke again. "There's too much noise for Stella to sleep, she's crying." "The saxophone?" Scully suggested. "Yeah." "Okay, so she's in the Kirby house. That helps. What about what Mrs. Kirby told us? Did Alice kidnap Stella?" Kolenkhov began walking towards the back of the Kirby house, to the cellar. The combination lock on the door didn't stop him, he spun the dials as if he'd known the combination his whole life and opened the door. Mulder and Scully followed him inside, while Olga and Penny brought up the rear. Penny was writing again, and waited a minute before going into the house. "We don't have warrants," Scully reminded Mulder. He shrugged. "Suspicion of kidnapping should be enough, don't you think?" Without waiting for an answer, he followed Kolenkhov up the creaky stairs. The saxophone, now playing a jazz tune, covered any creaks they made. All the second-floor rooms had closed doors, as if locking out the rest of the world. Kolenkhov stopped in front of one of them and seemed to come out of the trance he'd been in. "She is inside." Mulder and Scully drew their guns and, hoping the noise of the saxophone and the crying baby would cover up any noise, they opened the door. The shrieks of the baby stopped the minute they entered the room, despite their drawn guns. It was the lady holding Stella who screamed. "Alice?" Kolenkhov and Olga said in unison. "Alice?!" Penny shouted angrily. "So you kidnapped Stella after all! Really, Alice, your own niece! How could you -" "Mother, stop, I didn't kidnap Stella, I was taking care of her while Miriam ran out to the store!" Alice insisted, near tears. "Miriam Kirby?" Mulder said in surprise. "What does she have to do with this?" Alice swallowed her tears. "Miriam wanted a baby so badly, but Anthony wouldn't let her, he said they were too much trouble. . ." "So she kidnapped Stella," Olga said softly, angrily. Alice bowed her head and wiped at her eyes. "Well, gee, that was considerate," Penny said sarcastically. "And I guess you helped her steal Stella in the dead of the night?" "No! Mother, you have to believe me, I did not help her take Stella." "But you knew of her plan," Kolenkhov broke in with conviction. "Why did you say nothing?" "I felt sorry for her," Alice admitted. "I know what it's like to want a baby and not have one. I felt sorry for her," she repeated, pleading for forgiveness with her eyes. "Did Tony know about this?" Olga asked. Alice nodded and sniffled. "He convinced me not to tell Anthony when I threatened to tell him." She looked at Mulder and Scully with tired resignation. "I guess that makes us accomplices, doesn't it?" Scully nodded. "But your sentence - if you get one - will be much shorter than Miriam's." "So. . ." Mulder reported once they were back in DC, "Miriam Kirby is in jail for a few years, Tony and Alice are on probation, as is Anthony Kirby because they can't prove he didn't know anything about the kidnapping." "And Stella?" Scully wanted to know. "Back with Essie and Ed Carmichael. Penny came to the trials and began writing down every detail. She even asked for copies of the record, and she's supposedly going to turn it into the next great American novel, she told everybody." Scully laughed. "Sounds like the Sycamores, all right." Dear Agents Mulder and Scully: We want to thank you for returning Stella to us. Essie sends much love and gratitude. Kolenkhov is still a little sore over the argument about his "second sight", but he'll get over that. Speaking of Kolenkhov . . . he's opening his own ballet studio, though he's still coming over to give Essie her lessons. He's still in denial over this psychic business, but he'll get over it. Olga's trying to convince him to use it occasionally. De Pinna and Paul have made $250 off the fireworks this Fourth of July; they still have that permit. Feel free to come over and visit anytime. Our door is always open. Love, The End
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