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Title: Sum and Substance Summary: "But then again, a miracle wouldn't be a miracle without beating all the odds." I can't believe where I'm standing. I have stood before powerful men and advocated at the top of my lungs for the cause of truth. I have stood in the presence of creatures not of this world. I have stared into the barrel of a gun. I have been dwarfed by supernatural happenings that can't be explained. But I've never felt so small and astounded as I do now. Here, in a bleached white hospital hallway with no one else around me given the late hour, I stand at the brink of a new world. My fingers are pressed lightly against the cold glass of the window that separates myself from this astonishing spectacle. My mouth is open slightly and my lips are curved into a small smile. Every now and then, I shake my head in disbelief. For I can't believe my eyes. He looks so small in her arms. This tiny life that has pushed his way into a cold and cruel world, and even though only seven hours old, he's already survived so much. It's a miracle he's here at all. If anyone knows that fact, it's me. I knew even before Scully that she was never supposed to have children. Her body was classified as barren long ago. No one was more surprised than I when she told me that she wanted to try anyway, that she couldn't give up her ambition to be a mother. While I was more than willing to do anything possible to help her, I admit that I didn't really believe it could happen. I supported her, supplied her with the necessary materials, and held her in my arms when it didn't work. I told her not to give up. I wiped her tears and kissed her cheek. I did whatever I had to do. But I didn't think it would actually happen. There were too many obstacles, too many barriers that separated us from a miracle. But then again, a miracle wouldn't be a miracle without beating all the odds. My eyes scan her now as she gazes down at her wriggling son wrapped snugly against her warm body. I'm sure I've never seen a look of such peace on her face. There is a light that looks so out of place in the eyes of a woman who has known so much pain, such unbearable struggles. While foreign, it looks so beautiful, so well deserved. A smile forms on her lips and she utters words I cannot hear as she tickles his tiny cheek. Her blue eyes are met with similar ones, and the two share a locked gaze that makes me feel as though I am witnessing a secret, a conundrum I cannot hope to understand. They seem to communicate without words in a language so intimate and marvelous, a language I find myself wishing I could decipher. As I stand outside their world, watching as a stranger does from a distance, I am filled with an overwhelming desire to be with them, to share the bond that has so evidently overtaken them. I want to kneel beside them, and kiss their soft faces and hold them in my arms. Love beats in my heart like I have never known. These two are my whole world. They are my family. They are my breath and existence. They are my credentials as a human. They are the sum and substance of my being. Though it's only been hours, I'm quickly forgetting what life was like before this pristine vision. I can't remember what it felt like to be alone, to be so far away from the one I loved. I was once consumed with the affairs of mankind. I had been firmly planted on the path of truth, a quest to reveal the mysteries of the universe. This path led me to the end of my existence. But those mysteries pale in the light of this one. I drink in this sight, for it makes me whole again. I am drawn to it by a powerful force, and I feel energized, revitalized, made new. This is an unused path I now must take. My desire to join them is overpowered by the unwillingness to break the exquisite communion they share. So I watch from a distance still, enjoying this new sensation of peace and happiness. Mother smiles at baby, baby gazes through callow eyes at his mother. And both belong to me. I can't believe where I'm standing. End
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