Title: Pink Ribbon|
Author: The X-Filer
Author's Page: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1161999/
Summary: Mulder and Scully are married. When Scully is traumatised after giving birth, she leaves without saying goodbye and leaves the baby with Mulder to raise on his own. Will Mulder ever see her again?
Mulder smiled as he looked down at the bundle he was carrying. He couldn't believe that someone like him would ever get the chance at being one… A father. Mulder gently held the baby in his hands and looked up at a photo of the mother… Scully. He sighed as he looked back at his new daughter. Walking quietly over to the crib Mulder gently placed the newborn down, it made a slight noise but Mulder stroked her head and sent it back to sleep. He stayed there for a long while, stoking her head gently
"Oh Isabel, if only your mother could see you now," Mulder whispered "I know she would learn to love you as much as I love you." Mulder looked at his daughter. She was so young, so innocent and only just starting her life… her life without her mother. Mulder slowly stood and took one last look at his daughter.
"I love you Isabel," he whispered before kissing her on the head softly. She moved slightly but remained asleep. Mulder smiled then turned and walked out the door closing it gently. Mulder made his way along the hall towards the bathroom but stopped when he saw Scully's picture on the glass table next to their wedding photo. Mulder just looked at it. He could see the happy Scully, the one that wanted a baby. Mulder picked it up and ran a finger over her face
"Why did you have to leave Scully?" Mulder whispered "We could have worked through it." Mulder pursed his lips before placing the photo down. He scanned over it one more time before walking into the bathroom and closed the door. Suddenly the photo he had just held fell over and off the table smashing the glass, but Mulder didn't hear it with the shower going.
Mulder stood with a hand on the wall, the water running down his back. He felt cold, not from the water but from the hollowness of where Scully used to be in his heart. He felt lost without her. Mulder smiled at what Scully had said to him before Isabel was born.
"I can't wait to start a family," she had said. Mulder grimaced
'The family's started Scully but you're not here.' He thought and ran a hand through his wet hair. Just then he heard Isabel start crying. Mulder looked up and turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around himself then got another one and started to dry his hair as he walked out the door. Suddenly he stepped on something sharp.
"Ouch," he cursed then looked down to see the picture of Scully smashed. Mulder stepped back his foot slightly cut. He was about to pick it up when Isabel screamed louder. He took one last look at Scully before attending to his daughter... To his new life. Mulder opened the door and picked her up.
"Hey, now what seems to be the matter?" he asked as he rocked her in his arms. Isabel kept crying. Mulder smiled. "I think someone's hungry," he said as he carried her to the kitchen. Mulder warmed some milk up and placed the bottle in her mouth. Isabel took to it immediately. Mulder stood there next to the sink in a towel and watched as his daughter drank
"I love you Isabel, remember that. Daddy will always be here," he said.
'Yes daddy will always be here.' He thought as he stood alone in the kitchen without his wife and love… without Isabel's mother. He leaned down and kissed her on the head
"I love you Isabel."
It was late at night when Scully woke up and sat on the end of the bed in the hotel room she was staying at. She held a photo of Mulder in her hands. She sighed, it had been just over 3 weeks since she had given birth to Mulders child. Scully remembered the birthing like it was yesterday, she still felt the pain run through her every time she thought of it.
'Hold on Scully, it's going to be ok, I'm here."
"Dana I need you to push."
"I can't! It hurts too much!"
"It hurts because you are tearing serverly, but we need to get the baby out now because it's too late for a C-section, now push..."
It had been a long and tiresome labour one that lasted just over 35 hours. She had had complications… very serious complications. After it was all over Scully remembered she felt strong feelings of guilt, regret and resentment for the baby and just refused to see her or even feed her. Scully looked at the photo of her husband and remembered hearing him and a doctor talking outside quietly when they thought she was asleep.
"Is she going to be ok, Doctor?"
"Yes but since we couldn't get the baby out quicker and with the severity of pain she felt she may feel resentment towards your daughter for some time, but with a lot of love and understanding she will be able to work through it and then hopefully get to know and love the child. You also have to take note of the signs of Post Natal Depression…"
Scully remembered after the conversation had ended Mulder had walked to the side of her bed and while he thought she was asleep he had kissed her on the cheek and told her it would be alright and that he loved her. Scully smiled at the thought of his kiss, leaning back she laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She thought she could get over it, to see and love her newborn the way she knew Mulder did, but when he had brought her for a feed, Scully had just curled up and refused.
Scully rolled over dropping the photo on the floor. She laid there for a long moment before standing up and grabbing her coat. She decided to go for a walk to clear her head as the depression started to set in again. Scully walked out the door and placed her hands in her pockets as the wind picked up. She felt like crying but held the tears back. She never thought that starting a family would be as painful as this, but she knew that Mulder would do a better job at raising their daughter than she would. She didn't even know her daughters name. Scully walked and just stared at the foot path. She felt worthless... useless. She often walked until late in the night to try and get tired enough to sleep but in effect she was over tired making it hard to concentrate. Her body was aching with tiredness. She hadn't eaten much since the labour. She had lost her appetite. Her eyes were bloodshot and red from crying most of the time. She walked along the wet footpath when a car drove past through a puddle. The spray went all over her
"God Damn it!" she cursed shaking the water off her hands. "Thanks a lot!" she yelled after the driver but they couldn't hear her as they drove around a corner. Scully pulled at her wet clothes and looked back as it started to rain again. She felt irritated and annoyed at everything
'Why can't people just leave me alone?' she thought as she started to walk back to the hotel.
After a short time she made it through the door and went to have a shower. Standing under the running water, her thoughts drifted back to Mulder and wondered what he was doing right now. She wondered if she should ring him to see whether he was ok or not. But she knew she would just be a nuisance, a pain in his side. Scully felt a sudden surge of sadness hit her all at once thinking about Mulder and their wedding day and how happy they were.
"Mulder," she whispered as water ran down her face. Then she broke down and started crying lowering to her knees letting the warm water try and heal her cold and broken heart. "I'm so sorry Mulder" she cried but no-one could hear her through the running water
'I' m so sorry…'
It was about 4 weeks later when Mulder looked down at Isabel as she lay on the floor on a blanket. Mulder couldn't help but smile as she looked around making sounds as he finished washing up the dishes.
"Hey sweetie, are you ready to go shopping soon? Daddy can't wait to take you out." Mulder smiled again as she made a sound and looked up at him. Mulder wiped his hands with a cloth and bent down and gently lifted Isabel into his arms. Her blue eyes watched him intensely and it reminded him of Scully. He could see a lot of her in Isabel and wished she could have seen her daughter before she packed up and left without saying goodbye. Mulder sighed and kissed her on the head.
"I'm sure mummy will come back one day," he whispered quietly. Then he turned and headed for the nursery "Ok let's go get you dressed and go get some groceries."
Scully looked at her watch, it had been about 4 weeks since she had got a job working at a nearby hospital. She had just finished work and got home to find that the fridge was empty and she had to go to the supermarket. Slamming the fridge door she went back to the car and climbed in.
'This day can't get any worse.' she thought as she turned the key. Scully reversed and drove down the road.
It was sometime later when Mulder reached the supermarket. He found a park and proceeded to get Isabel out of the car.
"Ok sweetie, you ready to go shopping?" He laughed as she gurgled. Mulder carried her through the doors and placed her in a baby carrier on the trolley and pushed it around the store. As Mulder was shopping he couldn't help but feel a little sad. He was loving being a father and loved every new experience Isabel gave him. But he wished Scully was there, experiencing this all the way he was. He sighed as he looked down at his daughter and saw a glimpse of Scully in her.
'Why don't you want us, Scully?' He thought as he placed something in the trolley. He looked back at Isabel 'Why don't you want us?'
It was a short time later and Scully turned a corner and drove into the Supermarket parking lot. Finding a park she turned the motor off and just sat there for moment thinking. She couldn't help but wonder what Mulder was doing now and how their daughter was going, wondering what he had called her. She didn't want it to be like this but she couldn't bring herself to go back.
She remembered the doctor saying she may get post natal depression and won't be able to think straight and was given medicine to take when she got home. But the first day Mulder took her home, the first night, when Mulder and the baby were asleep. Scully had slipped out of bed and quietly packed some clothes in a suitcase and went to the kitchen and tipped the pills down the sink. Then grabbing the keys she got in the car and just left.
She didn't say goodbye, didn't leave a note, she just left Mulder and the baby. She felt like she knew she was doing the right thing, that the baby would be better off with her father. Scully sighed and pushed the memories away. Opening the car door she stepped out and placed her sunglasses on and started to walk towards the supermarket. One day she may go back to them, but not right now, not yet.
'One day Mulder, one day.'
It was sometime later when Mulder was finished and started to push the trolley out the supermarket and down the ramp towards the car. He glanced down at Isabel for a long moment and smiled when she smiled and giggled back at him.
"You are one in a million, Isabel," he said as he waited for a car to pass before he crossed the road. Mulder pushed the trolley behind his car when suddenly something caught his eye. Looking up quickly, he caught his breath.
'Scully?' Mulder watched as Scully walked towards them through the cars not noticing them with her sunglasses on. He saw that she looked tired and withdrawn, just then he felt an ache in is heart. He turned.
"Scully!" he called. Just then she stopped and looked straight at him. Both of them froze and Mulder could hear little sounds from Isabel. "Scully?!" He called again. Suddenly Scully turned and started to hesitatingly walk back the way she came.
"Scully, wait!" Mulder was torn he wanted to run after her but he wasn't going to leave Isabel alone in the trolley. Mulder watched as she got in her car and reversed quickly blocking another car, causing them to beep their horn. Mulder watched as she drove out onto the street and turned a corner. Sighing he turned back to Isabel and started to unpack the groceries in the car. Once done he pushed the trolley back to the pickup area and carried Isabel back to the car. Strapping her in, he covered her over with a blanket and kissed her on the forehead.
"Mummy may not want us right now, Isabel. But I'm sure in time she will come back and see how beautiful you are," he said before he closed the door and walked around to the drivers side.
'She just has to come back, she just has to…'
2 weeks later
Mulder awoke to screaming. He sat up quickly and waited for his eyes to focus and the work out were he was, then he realised that it was Isabel crying. Mulder flew out of bed and rushed into the nursery to see Isabel screaming and kicking.
"Hey there" Mulder said picking her up "What's the matter?" Then he felt the heat from her skin. Mulder felt her forehead, she was hot and sticky. Walking over to the cabinet, he pulled out a thermometer. After a few minutes of struggling he managed to take her temperature.
"You're running a temperature darling," he said placing it down. Just then Isabel vomited on his shirt. Mulder sighed as he patted her back. "It's ok Isabel, let's go give you a bath." Mulder took her to the bathroom and gave her a soothing bath but Isabel still kept screaming. A short time later Mulder managed to get her dressed through the kicking and lifted her onto his shoulder again and patted her back gently.
"Shh…" Mulder soothed walking around the room but Isabel didn't quieten as she started to get hot again and he noticed a rash forming on her neck. Mulder managed to take her temperature again to find it had gone up higher… too high. Mulder placed it down and looked at the clock it was about 3 am in the morning. Mulder kissed her on the forehead.
"Ok Isabel, I think we had better go to the hospital," Mulder said as he started to throw a few of her things into a bag before walking out in the dark and placing her into the car seat still screaming.
"It's ok Isabel, were going to get someone to look at you," Mulder said as he closed the door. He rushed around to the driver's side. Jumping in he started the engine. Reversing he changed gears and drove off towards the hospital. Mulder was tired but he wasn't going to leave his daughter like this, he looked in the revision mirror at her
"It's ok Isabel, Daddy's here…It's ok."
It was about five hrs later when Mulder found out what was wrong with his daughter.
"Salmonella?" Mulder asked concerned. The nurse nodded
"Yes, we've got her on a drip and she's sleeping now, we want to keep her in for the day for observation. It was a good thing you brought her in when you did, otherwise it could have been a lot worse" Mulder smiled tiredly.
"Thank you." The nurse smiled back.
"In the mean time, I suggest you go home and get cleaned up, your daughter will be fine for a little while." Mulder nodded slowly.
"Yeah I guess your right, I am just very protective of my daughter she means everything to me." The nurse smiled again.
"I can see that, but I urge you to go home, get changed and have something to eat, if something happens I'll get the head desk to contact you." Mulder nodded.
"Thank you," he replied before she walked away. Mulder sighed and pulled out his keys, he wanted to go see Isabel before he left but he knew it would be harder to leave and the sooner he left the sooner he would come back. Mulder walked to the front door and out to his car. Jumping in, he started it and drove off...
...Meanwhile on the opposite side of the parking lot, Scully was running late, she had got held up at road works and she was annoyed as she rushed through the front doors and to the main desk
"Sorry I'm late Liz, road works," Scully said placing her bag down and running her hand through her hair. "So what have we got today?" she asked the nurse behind the desk. Liz smiled up at her.
"We have a man that managed to break his leg by falling off a couch…" Scully raised an eyebrow.
"Really?" Liz nodded.
"Yes and we have someone who has just gone into surgery for appendicitis and this morning a man by the name of…" Liz looked through her papers on the desk "Damn it where are those?" But she couldn't find the paper with the name on it.
"Anyway what's his story?" Scully prompted. Liz placed her hands on her hips.
"Um… He brought his baby daughter in this morning with a high fever, it's salmonella and since it's my end of work for the day and Dr Philips is in surgery, you get to take over monitoring the baby until he's out." Scully raised an eyebrow.
"Do you have to make it sound so bad?" she said laughing. Liz just smiled as she handed her a sheet with previous stats on the baby before she walked around the desk and down the hall.
"The father will be back later!" she yelled over her shoulder. Scully just shook her head as she looked down at sheet
"Isabel M." she read aloud looking for the room number until she found it "Well Isabel M. let's go see how you're doing." Soon enough Scully made to the room where Isabel was and walked in to find a very beautiful baby lying in the small bed with a plastic casing around her.
"Well aren't you just so cute?" she said as she placed her hand through one of the holes in the plastic casing and felt her skin. Scully got a slight tingle but thought nothing of it as she noted the skin was warm. Scully opened her folder and took the monitor's readings before glancing over the baby again. She could help but wonder what her daughter would look like now and what Mulder and she were doing. Scully felt sad but knew it was for the best.
"You must have a loving father, Isabel," Scully said as she walked around and checked the drip bag.
Mulder pulled up in the hospital car park. He had rushed home and had a quick shower and shave before stuffing some clothes into a bag and rushing back to the hospital and back to Isabel. Mulder walked through the front doors and up to the desk to find no-one there. Looking around he decided to go see his daughter. Mulder walked up the hall and to the elevator after a few minutes he made it to Isabel's door. Pushing it open, he walked in and stopped mid step. His eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open at the sight before him.
Scully jumped and turned quickly.
"Mulder?" She stared at him and then glanced at the baby. "The baby…"
"Is ours, yes" Scully suddenly felt weak as she backed up momentarily "Scully?…" He stepped forward a step. She stared at the door.
"Isabel M. Is Isabel Mulder." She opened her mouth as realisation set in. "I've got to go," she said in a rush but Mulder stood in her way. She tried to go around him but she stepped in front of her
"We need to talk, Scully."
"Mulder I have work to do," she said trying to get around him but he stopped her again "Mulder get out of the way!"
Mulder put a hand on her arm but she pulled away instantly. He felt hurt but kept it hidden. "Scully, we need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Scully, why do you deny it? Why don't you want to come home? We can work through it."
"I can't, I won't." She managed to dip past him but he grabbed her wrist and didn't let go.
"Look at her Scully," Mulder said, almost begging her to look at their daughter.
"I have." she said trying to get out of his grip but he held strong.
"Look at her again." Their eyes met and Mulder saw fear and sadness in her face. Suddenly he let her go. "I'm sorry, just... please I beg you, look at her one more time and tell me you don't want to give her another chance." Scully stood and looked at him then glanced across at Isabel, there was a long pause.
"I have to go," she said before she walked out the door leaving Mulder alone with their daughter. Mulder sighed and walked over to Isabel.
"Hey there," he said placing his hand gently on her arm. "Daddy's here darling… Daddy's always here."
Scully walked down the corridor in a hurry, she made it to the front desk and threw the folder down
"Damn it!" Scully sat down in the chair and placed her hands on her head and squeezed her hair. "Damn it!" Suddenly she slammed her fingers down on the table. She wanted to leave, to get out of there but she still had another 4 hours left on her shift. She knew she couldn't leave and she knew Mulder knew. Scully sighed as she organised the papers in front of her, then she picked up Isabel's stats. She stopped and looked at the name for a moment.
'Isabel' Scully smiled sadly at the name. It was the name she had suggested to Mulder before the baby was born, if it was a girl. Scully sighed and looked at the clock.
"I guess I better get back to work," she muttered as the phone rang. She reached out and answered it. "Good morning, this is Dr Scully how may I help you?..."
It was about an hour later when it was time to check in on Isabel again. Scully stood outside the door and inhaled.
'Here goes nothing.' She thought then she pushed the door open slowly. She waited for him to get up and convince her to come home, waited for him to be there and… to just be there. Scully waited but it didn't come, she looked around to see Mulder fast asleep in the chair next to Isabel's small bed.
Scully felt her heart ache as she saw him holding her hand gently. She had forgotten what he looked like when he was sleeping, how calm he looked. Scully moved next to the small bed and glanced over the monitors then her eyes fell on Isabel, sleeping soundly. Scully stopped and couldn't help but stare at the baby, the baby that she and Mulder had brought into this life. Scully smiled as she saw Isabel move out of her fathers touch.
'Why can't I learn to love you?' She thought as she covered her over with a light sheet. She glanced across at Mulder who was still asleep. Walking around, she reached out and pushed a strand of his hair aside from his face.
"Why can't I forget and come back to you?" she said softy then kissed him gently on the forehead
'Why can't I just come home?'
It was a short time later when Mulder woke up. Yawning, he stretched and looked over to his daughter… who wasn't there. His eyes went wide.
"Isabel?" He jumped up quickly. His mind racing with all sorts of scenarios. "Isabel?" Mulder grabbed his bag and raced out the door and down the hall. He had to find out what happened to her. Mulder made it to the front desk.
"Excuse me, my daughter she's miss-" Mulder stopped as his eyes fell upon Scully holding Isabel in her arms while talking on the phone. Scully looked up at him and Mulder saw her expression change to what looked like guilt. But Mulder was just relieved that Isabel was ok. Scully placed the phone down and didn't make eye contact. There was an awkward silence.
"Scully?" Mulder broke it first. Scully stood up and handed Isabel over to him.
"She's a lot better now, she's right to go home." Scully said not looking at him. Mulder held Isabel and looked down at her for a moment.
"Thank you, Scully" He said. Scully nodded, still not looking at him.
"It's ok, I was just doing my job." She handed him a paper and pen. Mulder took the pen and signed the release form. He looked at her.
"Scully?" he said quietly. This time she looked at him. His eyes were intense with concern and love for her. "Home's still there if you ever want to come back," was all he said. Scully smiled sadly.
"Thank you, you're a good father you know that?" she replied quietly. Mulder reached out and touched her on the arm.
"Home's still there." Was all he said again as he turned Isabel towards Scully. "Ok Isabel, say bye to mummy cause we're going home."
Scully smiled as he waved one of her hands and gave Scully one last look before he started to carry his bag and Isabel down the hall. Scully watched him go and slumped down in the chair and closed her eyes, his words replaying over and over in her head.
'Home's still there if you ever want to come back.'
1 Week Later
Mulder lay in bed unable to sleep. He couldn't help but keep thinking of Scully and how he missed her so much. Mulder had wanted to go back to the hospital, to see her face again but decided it might be best if he left her alone so she didn't pack up and leave altogether, leaving him unable to see her at all. Mulder sighed and rolled over, he looked at the clock to see it was about 11:30 as the moon shone through the window.
Mulder wrapped an arm around his pillow and pulled it close as he stared at the empty side of the bed. In the other room he could here soft noises from Isabel and it made him smile. He was lucky to have a daughter, even lucky to have one with the woman he loved. Mulder sighed and rolled over again when suddenly there was a noise down stairs. Mulder sat up quickly and listened for a long moment but he didn't hear anything more.
Laying back down he stared at the roof, suddenly another noise came from down stairs. Mulder didn't hesitate this time, he flew out of bed and grabbed his gun form the drawer. Pushing the door open quietly he made his way down the hall to the stairs when he heard a noise again. Mulder eased down the spiral until he came to the bottom, he heard another noise, this time from the kitchen. Moving to the door he peered around to see a figure in the dark over near the fridge. He couldn't make out who it was and he wasn't about to let them steal anything. Mulder reached around for the light.
'3...2...1...' Mulder flicked the light on.
"Put your hands up!" he said, pointing his gun. "Turn around, no sudden movements" the figure turned around, Mulders eyes went wide. "Scully?" Scully looked at him and smiled weakly.
"Hi," she said looking at the floor. Mulder put his gun down and just stood there.
"Scully what are you doing here?" he asked curiously, not sure what else to say. Scully looked at him sideways
"You said there was still a home for me if I wanted to come back to it," she replied. Mulder's heart felt like it was about to stop. She wanted to come back, she wanted to try and work things out. Mulder took a step forward slowly.
"And you want to come back to it?" he asked to make sure. Scully pulled at her shirt.
"I want to try," she replied softly. Mulder smiled slightly as he looked across her beautiful face.
"Would you like to sit and talk for a while?" he asked gesturing towards the lounge room. Scully nodded moving pass him and into the lounge room. Mulder waited until she was in the other room before getting a drink for both of them. After a few minutes they sat in silence with a gap between them. Mulder keep his eyes on Scully's strong, yet soft features as she stared at the floor. Mulder was about to say something when Scully spoke
Mulder could hear her voice wavering."What hurts, Scully?"
"Everything, I want to come back but I am afraid. Afraid that it won't work out. I knew labour was going to be hard but…"
"But that was hard Scully, it was long and the doctor said it was a difficult labour and that you may feel resentment for Isabel" He said gently. Scully felt like crying as she nodded
"I just want to be able to hold my baby girl and not be scared to love her. To wake up every morning with you beside me…" Her voice trailed off. Mulder reached out and touched her leg.
"Scully." But she pulled away. Mulder felt hurt but didn't show it.
"I'm sorry, Mulder." He saw a tear run down her face.
"Hey don't worry about it, how about we sleep on it tonight and we can start fresh in the morning, I can take the couch upstairs and you can take the bed." Scully closed her eyes.
"Thank you," was all she said before she stood up. Mulder also stood then he faced her.
"Remember someone loves you, no matter what," he said taking her hand and squeezing it. She smiled up at him.
"I know," she said before she walked to the stairs and stopped "Mulder?"
"Yes Scully?" She didn't turn around.
"Don't take the couch tonight, I don't want to be alone." Was all she said before she walked up the stairs and up to the bedroom. Mulder watched her go.
'That someone will always love you Scully… always'
It was the next day when Scully woke early to the sound of Isabel crying. Scully was a little distressed at the sound but she knew she had to get used to it. Scully sat up when Isabel stopped. Just then Mulder walked through the door carrying Isabel in his arms.
"Hey Isabel, look Mummy's awake," he said sitting gently on the bed. Scully looked at him and smiled.
"You're a good father, you should be proud." Mulder glanced at her and Scully saw the thanks in his eyes.
"Do you want to hold her?" he asked, Scully looked at Isabel for a long moment then nodded. Mulder held their daughter out to her and she hesitantly took her.
Mulder watched as she stroked her face and saw a hint of a smile. Isabel gurgled and made a few noises. Mulder could see that Scully wasn't quiet comfortable with Isabel but she was making an effort of it. Scully laughed as Isabel curled a finger around hers. "God she is beautiful," she whispered.
"Yes she is," Mulder replied reaching out and stroking her head. Mulder felt at ease, everything was going so well. Suddenly Isabel started crying and everything went too quickly as Scully immediately handed her back and raced out the door. Mulder just sat there still letting it all sink in.
After a few minutes Mulder managed to get Isabel to sleep again and went to find Scully who was throwing some clothes into a bag. Mulder ran over to her.
"Hey what are you doing?" Scully turned on him.
"I can't do this Mulder, I just can't do it!"
Mulder grabbed her arm. "Scully please just wait!"
She looked at him and saw him begging her "Please" Just then Isabel started crying again. Mulder looked back over his shoulder as Scully pulled out of his grip. Mulder turned around as she picked up her bag and walked out the front door. Mulder needed to fix Isabel up but knew he couldn't just let Scully go like that. Mulder ran out the door and stood on the step watching her go.
"If you're going to give it a go, turn around now. If you're not, walked away and don't bother coming back because my heart can't take it anymore."
Scully stopped but didn't face him, he felt like his heart would just stop in his chest. Scully swallowed hard as a tear ran down her face. She was torn between leaving and staying. She looked to the sky for a moment
"I'll remember that," she replied before she took another step and got into the car. Mulders heart broke as she drove off.
'Goodbye Scully, I will always love you… Goodbye.'
5 weeks later
Scully got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She walked into the bedroom of the hotel and started getting dressed. Scully sighed as her thoughts drifted back to Mulder and Isabel. She didn't know why she got in that car that day, 5 weeks ago. Didn't know why she wanted to get so far away, why she was so scared. Scully had been feeling sick in the past week, she knew it was probably stress related but decided to get tested anyway. She had a few tests done two days ago and was waiting for the results to come back. Scully looked at her watch.
"Damn it!" She cursed. She was running late. Grabbing her keys, she lifted her bag onto her shoulder and walked out the door closing it behind her. Sitting in her car she turned the key. Her mind thinking of Isabel and how beautiful she was and how she had just left her there without a mother.
'I'm sorry Isabel, I'm so sorry.'
It was a short time later when she reached the hospital. Scully sat at the front desk and fiddled with a pen. It had been a busy morning and now she was on her break. Scully sighed as she wondered why she had come to work as she remember Mulders words clearly and painfully, all those weeks ago.
"Don't bother coming back because my heart can't take it anymore" Scully sighed as she remembered the tone in his voice as he said those words. She had wanted to go back. Wanted to try again but decided that he would be better off without her. Scully flipped through some folders, she was waiting anxiously on results to come back and couldn't get her mind around it. Just then Liz came up the hall.
"Hey Dana, got the results back and I think you might be somewhat surprised" She said handing them over to her. Scully took them eagerly and opened it up. Reading through her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open.
"Oh no!" she said putting a hand over her mouth. Liz looked at her shocked.
"What? What is it?" Liz asked concern. Scully didn't answer as she grabbed her bag and walked around the desk. "Dana? Are you ok?" Liz yelled after her, Scully just waved her hand as she pushed out the front door.
'Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Why is this happening to me?!'
Mulder knew she wasn't coming back. He couldn't believe she didn't want to even try and he couldn't believe he had given her that choice. Mulder lay back and held Isabel in his arms, he couldn't believe how much she had grown in the last few weeks. Couldn't believe how much she looked like Scully with those blue eyes.
"I'm so proud of you, Isabel," he said standing up. "Let's go get the clothes off the line." Mulder carried her out and placed her in the outside baby cot while he started to take off the clothes. Mulder felt the sun on his face and the sweet smell of fresh air in his lungs. He smiled as he saw Isabel waving her arms around.
"Mummy may not be here Isabel but at least we have each other." Mulder soon finished up and carried the wash in, moments later he picked up Isabel and walked inside when a knock came at the door.
"Come on, Isabel, lets' see who's at the door." Mulder shifted Isabel as he walked and opened the door. His eyes went wide as he stared at Scully who was standing right there in front of him.
"Can I come in?" she said in a rush. Mulder noted something different in her tone, and moved aside. Without hesitating she walked passed him and into the lounge room. Mulder closed the door and placed Isabel down in a baby bouncer in the hall and walked in to see Scully pacing back and forth with a hand on her head.
"Scully, what's happened, is everything ok?" he asked concerned. Scully turned on him. Mulder had never seen her so scared before.
"No, everything is not ok!" Mulder noticed she was trembling. He moved forward and took her hands in his.
"Scully, tell me what's wrong?" he asked, their eyes locked as Scully stood straighter.
"Mulder, I'm pregnant."
Mulder's mouth dropped open
"You're pregnant? But how? When?…" His voice trailed off as it sunk in.
"5 weeks ago, remember?" she said calming down slightly. Mulder didn't know what to say
"Scully, I…" he rubbed a hand through his hair as his mind raced through a hundred possibilities.
"Mulder what should I do?" she asked and it took him by surprise
"What do you mean?" he replied not sure what she was talking bout
"I don't want to have it…" She stopped and breathed for a moment.
"Then I'll pay for the abortion," Mulder prompted. "And if you want me there, I will support you every step of the way."
Scully pursed her lips and Mulder saw a tear run down her face. "…But I don't want to abort it," she finished.
Mulder held his breath as her words went through him. He rubbed his face. "So what do we do?" Mulder asked not sure what to say.
Their eyes met. "I don't know."
It was about 6 weeks later and with a lot of love and caring, Mulder had managed to convince Scully to stay. It was a hard six weeks and Scully was starting to get used to Isabel, not only that but to Mulders surprise she had decided to keep the baby. He was a little worried because he didn't want the same thing to happen like last time. He didn't want Scully to go through another difficult pregnancy and then leave him with the baby. Mulder walked into the lounge room where Scully was, to see her holding Isabel in her arms. Mulder smiled as he placed a drink down beside her.
"How are you feeling?" he asked sitting beside her. Scully looked at him.
"A little sick."
"Morning sickness," he said remembering the last time she was pregnant. "Did you want me to get you anything?" he asked placing a hand on her knee. He was please when she didn't move away, instead she placed her hand on top of his.
"No, thank you." Mulder saw her appreciation in her eyes and kissed her on the forehead. Scully closed her eyes, she had missed that, the everything he was.
"Thank you for caring," she whispered. Mulder was about to say something when suddenly Isabel started crying. Mulder saw Scully freeze up he slowly stroked her arm.
"It's ok Scully, she's just hungry," Mulder said standing up and holding his arms out. Scully nodded then slowly handed Isabel over. Mulder took her and watched as relief washed over her. Mulder smiled. "You did well Scully," he said, Scully looked up at him.
"Why doesn't it feel like I did?" she muttered. Mulder reached out and touched her face.
"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself ok, you're doing a good." Scully smiled slightly as Isabel continued to cry
"You better fix her up." Mulder nodded as he glanced at her one more time.
"Call if you need me," he said going to the kitchen. Mulder opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of milk, putting it in the microwave he heated it up. Once done he gave it to Isabel. She soon quietened down.
"That's my girl," Mulder said patting her diaper. "Now let's go see mummy" Mulder walked back into the lounge room and stopped when she wasn't there. Mulder swallowed.
'Not again' He thought as he looked around and still couldn't see her. Mulder felt his heart drop. How could she just leave again without saying goodbye? He felt somewhat angry but pushed it back.
Just then someone called out. "Hey, you coming or what?"
Mulder turned around and walked towards the open back door. Walking out he found Scully sitting in the sun on the veranda. Mulder felt relief wash over him, he smiled.
"Yeah, I'm coming." He laughed. Scully noticed a difference in his tone.
"Are you ok, Mulder?" she asked concerned as he sat next to her. He nodded
"Yes, yes I am" He said shifting Isabel in his arms. Just then, to Mulders surprise, Scully reached out and took his hand. He gave her a quizzical look, she just smiled.
"I like the feel of your hand in mine" she replied honestly. Mulder laughed as the sun warmed his face. Then he had an idea.
"Hey how about…" he started then suddenly Scully collapsed forward in pain.
Mulder jumped up with Isabel still in his arms. "Scully are you ok?"
Scully clutched her stomach as pain shot through her. "No, I think something's wrong!" she said through clenched teeth. "There's something wrong with the baby… argh!"
Mulder raced for the phone balancing Isabel in his arm. "Hello? I need an ambulance at!…" In the background Mulder heard a thud "Yes, please hurry!" Mulder raced back out to Scully and saw she was unconscious on the floor.
"Damn it!" he cursed placing Isabel down on the wood gently. He leaned over Scully and lifted her into his arms. "Come on Scully, hold on, help is on the way" He whispered kissing her forehead. "Help is on the way."
Scully was rushed to the hospital and was kept under close observation over night. Mulder arrived early the next morning with Isabel, he was worried sick about her and had to know what had happened. Mulder waited in Scully's room, he held her hand and watched her chest rise and fall with every breath as Isabel slept on the small lounge chair in a blanket. Mulder lifted Scully's hand and kissed it gently, so not to wake her.
"Get better soon Scully," he whispered pushing a strand of her red hair back before placing her hand down. Just then he heard the creak of the door, turning around he saw the doctor standing there.
"Yes?" he replied.
"Can I have a word for a moment?" The doctor gestured outside, Mulder looked down at Isabel and over Scully who were sleeping soundly still. Mulder followed the doctor out the door and into the hallway.
"What's the matter with her doctor?" he asked getting straight to the point. The doctor stood serious for a moment.
"Mr. Mulder we have run some tests and it appears that your wife has just had a miscarriage." Mulder's eyes went wide as his words hit him hard.
"A miscarriage? Are you sure?" Mulder asked hoping it was a simple mistake but the doctor nodded.
"Yes, I'm sure. Now with the fragile mental state your wife has been in, I suggest you tell her a little later when she gets home. This will be traumatic enough without all the added stress of being in this hospital," he finished. Mulder nodded sadly.
"Thank you doctor," he said before the doctor walked away.
Mulder stood and stared at the wall for a moment. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't life just be easy for Scully, for himself? Mulder sighed as he turned and stepped back into the room. Closing the door slightly he walked over to Scully to find her eyes opened.
"Scully?…" Mulder started but stopped when he saw tears in her eyes.
"So I miscarried?" she asked as calmly as she could. Mulder swallowed hard, he knew she had over heard everything.
"Yes," he replied honestly "Don't worry Scully, we'll get through this together," Mulder said taking her hand. He noticed her eyes were just staring at the roof and he wondered if she was even listening to him. "Scully?"
"This is all my fault," she whispered through tears. Mulder squeezed her hand.
"No, no it's not. Scully this is not your fault, it's no one's fault," he said forcefully but she wasn't listening.
"I can't even carry a child fully, I can't do anything right."
Mulder leaned over her until he got her attention. Their eyes met. "Scully, listen to me…" He placed a hand on the side of her face. "This is not your fault, you hear me? You did not cause this miscarriage ok?" Scully looked like she was going to cry but nodded. "We will get through this Scully, together, we will get through this," he finished.
Scully broke down and cried, leaning in Mulder embraced her in his arms and didn't let go.
"We will get through this Scully, I promise."
It was about five months later and Scully was a mess, she had been a mess since she found out she had miscarried. Mulder had tried to help her, support her but she didn't want to know, she didn't want him to touch her and now Mulder watched as she just let herself go. Scully wore dark baggy clothes all day and all night, when showering she closed her eyes so she didn't have to look at her body, she didn't even touch her stomach area because it reminded her of the baby she might have had. The doctors had given her antidepressants but she refused to take them.
Mulder watched as she ate away the days, she had put on a fair bit of weight now and Mulder was really worried about her, and to top it all off she rejected Isabel completely. Mulder walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed
"Scully?" he said to the small bump under the blankets. She didn't answer. "Scully, come on, the sun is shining and it's a beautiful day, I'd hate for you to miss it," he said placing a hand on the bump. Scully shifted slightly.
"I don't care," she mumbled. Mulder closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed his face. Then in a split second he grabbed the blankets and ripped them off. Scully sat up. "Mulder?!" she argued but Mulder wasn't listening as he grabbed her arms and pulled her up. "Mulder! Cut it out!" Mulder pulled her along out the hall.
"I'm not letting you ruin your life like this." He pulled her towards the bathroom.
"Mulder stop it!" she yelled trying to get out of his grip. Once in the bathroom he let go of her and faced her.
"Now your clothes are there, I would like you to have a shower because today you, me and Isabel are all going to the park."
"I don't want to go to the park," she argued as she tried to get passed him but he stopped her.
"I'm not asking you," he said putting an arm in the way, Scully gave him a dirty look.
"I'm not taking a shower," she said without argument. Mulder just raised his eyebrows.
"If your not going to have one, I will give you one myself, so make up your mind, Scully. You want me to do it or you do it?"
Scully looked him in the eyes And saw he was serious. Scully pursed her lips.
"I'll do it," she replied defeated knowing if she didn't come out wet he would take her back in and give her a shower himself. Mulder smiled slightly.
"Thank you," he said. "I'm doing this for you because I love you, whether you think so or not," he said backing out the door and closing it. Scully sighed as she closed her eyes and started getting undressed. She knew her way around the shower now as she turned the taps on with eyes still closed. Getting in she started to wash her self. She groaned as she felt a slight belly ache come on.
'Great, now what else can happen today?' She thought as she finished up.
Scully, Mulder and Isabel walked along the grass in the park. Scully didn't want to be there but Mulder hadn't given her much choice. Mulder stopped and sat on the ground folding out a small cloth before he did. Scully rolled her eyes
"Mulder, this is silly, can't we just go home?" she asked already knowing the answer.
"No, we are going to enjoy this together," he said shaking his head. Scully groaned as she sat down. Mulder noticed something was wrong "Are you ok, Scully?"
"Yeah just a slight stomach ache," she replied as she sat uncomfortably. Mulder eyed her for a moment before getting the food out, he looked across at Isabel who was making all sorts of sounds. Her blue eyes looking at everything. Scully looked at her for a moment.
"She has your hair," she said bluntly. Mulder smiled.
"She has your eyes." Scully looked up at him and their eyes met for a moment before she looked away. Scully sighed as she looked around at her surroundings.
"I never realised how beautiful everything looks," she said quietly. Mulder followed her gaze.
"Yeah, it is beautiful isn't it?" he replied
"You know…" Scully started then stopped suddenly. Mulder looked at her with concern.
"Scully?" he said as Scully touched her leg above the knee to find it wet.
"Mulder? I…" She pulled her hand away and held it up for him to see. Just then her stomach ache pained serverly and she buckled forward.
"Scully!" Mulder jumped up and grabbed her to feel her stomach was round and hard. His eyes went wide. "Scully, I don't think you have a stomach ache."
Scully laid on the grass and groaned. "What do you mean?" she asked coughing.
"What I mean is I think your water just broke," he said pulling out cell phone and calling 911.
"What do you mean my water broke? I'm not pregnant!" suddenly she felt a contraction. Her eyes went wide as she felt her stomach.
"Breathe Scully," Mulder said putting the phone away. "The ambulance is on the way."
"Oh my God, I'm still pregnant." She breathed as another contraction came, in too much pain to wonder how that could be. Mulder held her hand as she squeezed it tightly.
"That's it breathe."
It wasn't too long later when the ambulance showed up and Scully was taken to the hospital where she was diagnosed as being pregnant to the shock of the doctors. Mulder was right by her side while Isabel was taken to the baby ward.
"Ok Dana, one last push."
"Argh!" Scully slumped back as she heard a baby crying.
"You did it, Scully," Mulder said kissing her on the hand, still not believing she had been pregnant all this time with anyone knowing. Scully breathed a sigh of relief as she heard the news.
"What is it?" she asked.
Mulder looked at the nurse who confirmed it. "It's a girl." Mulder smiled. "You had another girl."
Scully felt a tear come but Mulder saw it first and hugged her.
"It's ok," he whispered. After a few minutes Scully was holding the baby in her arms.
"She's so beautiful," she whispered. Mulder looked at their new daughter.
"She is, what do you want to call her?"
Scully thought for a moment. "What about Elizabeth?"
Mulder smiled. That was the name that he wanted last time. "Sure why not, Elizabeth Mulder."
Scully laughed with a tear in her eyes as she gazed over their new daughter. Mulder kissed Scully on the head. "She has your looks"
Scully let out a breath. "Can you please go get Isabel". she asked quietly. Mulder looked at her. "What?" Scully looked up at him. "Isabel, she needs to meet her little sister."
Mulder nodded slowly, he couldn't believe she wanted to see Isabel before he went and got their other daughter. A few minutes later he walked back through the door with Isabel in his arms, he sat next to her on the bed.
"Look Isabel, It's your little baby sister, Elizabeth." Scully laughed as Isabel made noises. Mulder looked down at her when Scully looked up. They didn't need words as they kissed each other.
Three Years later
Mulder watched as Elizabeth ran after Isabel. They were laughing ecstatically and it was such a beautiful sight. What was even more beautiful was their mother… Dana Scully. Mulder watched as she sat on the grass laughing as his girls ran round her. His girls, all of them. Mulder was proud of Scully she had stayed for the long hall and gave it ago. She was over her depression now and was loving life to the fullest and had even bonded with Isabel. Life was great for his family. And the greatest part is that they were expecting their third child now. Mulder laughed as the sun warmed his face. He watched his daughters play and watched as their mother stood and walked towards him smiling.
"You look stunning Scully," Mulder said truthfully as she rubbed her belly. Scully laughed as she sat down next to him on the steps.
"Thank you," she replied as they watched their daughters. Scully closed her eyes for a moment. "It's funny you know, just over 3 yrs ago we weren't a family," she said sadly. Mulder reached an arm around her shoulders.
"That was the past, this is our future," he said gesturing to their daughters. Just then Scully grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly. He felt the baby kick. Mulder smiled and looked into her eyes "This is our future, I love you, so much."
Scully smiled. "I love you too," she whispered as he leant in and kissed her gently. Finally she was home, she was alive.
'I love you too, Mulder…I love you too'
Firstly I would like to say a big Thank you to everyone who read this: I really hoped you liked it! :)
Let me know what you thought. Thanks so much for all the reviews. More Importantly, thanks for reading everyone!