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Title: Pieces of the Soul Summary: Scully's lost Mulder and given up their only son. What extreme will she go to be with Mulder again? Dedication: to Leslie and Lesley, my online X-File buds. :DPlease send all mail here.. thanks!) Back when I was young, I thought I was a whole person. I thought that I could fight for myself, stand up for myself; that I didn't need anyone, and that the support of my family was enough. Now I know that I was so wrong. My soul was not complete. I didn't know how to trust completely, how to love, or truly how to accept that love in return. I truly was a Ice Queen, I was afraid to show emotion for fear of my job; for fear of being seen as week. Then, I walked into the basement of the J Edgar Hoover building, and my life was changed forever. I never knew my soul was half missing until I came face to face with the missing piece. It wasn't love at first site, or even lust, but rather the unbeatable feeling that this man was going to be very important to my future. He taught me so many things, he made me whole. He showed me how to be myself and do what's right, though others may not know it. He taught me to take risks. My biggest risk of all: loving him. It was a risk that was worth every second we had, though our time was short. Even as we were out chasing UFO's in Oregon, I was telling myself that we could have a normal life. When I found out I was pregnant, it convinced me we could have a normal life. Even when Mulder rose from the dead I told myself that from then on in, it would be normal. I was so wrong. We know too much, have seen too much, to ever live a normal life. I know that now. Even William and his birth were surrounded by impossible and unnerving circumstances. But there was Mulder, flying in on his white horse, and I told myself that we would live happily ever after. That was all I really wanted for once. And on that day, another man entered my life, to whom I gave a part of my soul. And then it all fell apart. To keep us safe, Mulder left. I couldn't bear being away from that missing piece of my soul. I was empty, afraid, sad. But I had the other man in my life, my William, to keep me sane and grounded. He was my life, something I had fought for harder than I'd ever fought before. And I finally fought for him one last time. I fought myself. I gave him up for adoption. I gave my baby away. And I cry every night. It was for him, it's always been for him. But now, he'll have the chance to live the life I can never give him. I was foolish and selfish to think that bringing a child into my life, muddled with danger and conspiracy, was the right thing. So, though I may never truly be the same again, I did what was right for him, and gave him the life I could never promise him, no matter how hard I prayed and wished. I let a part of my soul go to complete strangers. A part of me died. Now, I have made another life altering decision. I have to find Mulder. He has to know what I know now. I have to see him in person to tell him... to tell him that I gave his only son to complete strangers. I can't fathom how he will react. Will he understand? Will he never want to see me again? Will he search for William? All I know is that I must be with him. He is all that is left between me and oblivion. My job holds no fascination for me, and there is nothing left to fight for. No love, no family. I can not bring myself to tell my mother yet. I can barely still believe it myself. But I must be with him. I couldn't sleep at night, so I started digging. I found names, addresses, times places. I think I've found him. No one knows where I'm going, or what I've done. But they will. I just have to be with him. Scully closed the journal on her computer then shut it down. Slowly, she picked up a small vile next to her computer. Inside was a small computer chip and de-ionized water. She carefully wrapped it in bubble wrap, and put it in a small brown envelope. She was determined and quiet. She stuffed a small note in with it, and sealed the envelope. Scully got up, and placed the envelope on the duffel bag by the door. She slowly walked to the shut door next to her bedroom. She leaned her head against the door to the nursery, and a tear slipped down her face. She still couldn't bring herself to go in there. She wiped away her tears, and took one last look around her apartment. As she did so, her left hand went to the back of her neck, feeling the small bandage there. Slowly, she turned and picked up the duffel bag and envelope, and left her apartment. Dogget wasn't exactly sure what to do with the envelope that had been placed on his door step sometime during the night. He was pretty sure that the handwriting on the outside of the envelope was Scully's, but the circumstances of the envelope made him suspicious. Finally, his curiosity won out and he slowly opened it. Out dropped a small note as he carefully slid out the bubble wrapped item. He opened the note first. John, This is now a matter of life and death. These last few days have been the hardest of my life. Giving up William nearly broke me. So I've done the only thing I can, the only thing that will keep me sane. I've gone to look for Mulder. Don't come after me. It's dangerous enough that I do this. I already know they're watching me. But I need you now more than you know. I've enclosed a micro-chip in de-ionized water in this package. That chip is the key to my life. I now believe, as Mulder had, that that chip caused my cancer to go into remission. I also believe that it can be used to locate me, which is why I've had it removed. I have only a short amount of time, maybe only a few weeks, with which to find Mulder. After that, I will be reassaulted by the cancer, and I will need to re-implant the chip. I beg of you to keep this chip safe for me. I must see Mulder again, if only to tell him what has become of our son. I will contact you. Do not try to find me. If a year has passed, you must assume Mulder and I are dead. Thank you, John, for all you have done. Dana Dogget could not believe his eyes. Carefully he unwrapped the vial, and saw at the bottom, a small micro-chip floating in the water. Still examining it, he pulled out his phone and dialed. "Skinner." "Sir, I think you better get over here. We have a problem." fin Mulder: Who cut the cheese? Scully: Since you won't be making it to the conference... Mulder: Partaaayyy! Scully: However, I must remind you this goes against the Bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on assignment. Mulder: Try any of that Tailhook crap on me, Scully, I'll kick your ass.
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