Title: Long Lost Relatives
Author: Miranda
Written: September 2002
Rating: G
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Chris Carter and we I'm borrowing them since he isn't using them anymore. I will be very nice and put them back when I'm done. I don't own Oprah either.

Summary: A very special episode of Oprah. Don't miss it!


May, 2019

Oprah enters to theme music and applause. She smiles and waves, waiting for the noise to die down. Finally the crowd sits down.

Oprah: Okay, folks, we have a really special show for you today. We got a letter from a teenage boy a few months ago telling us that he was very interested in finding his birth parents. He's adopted, and he's always had a preoccupation with who his parents are. Today is his eighteenth birthday, and he's joining us to make a plea to find those two people he has been dreaming about his entire childhood. What he doesn't know is that we found his parents, and they are here today to meet him for the very first time in over seventeen years! Here he is, please welcome William!

The crowd applauds as a young man enters the studio. He is tall and lanky, with reddish brown hair and maybe just a slightly oversized nose. He shakes Oprah's hand and sits down across from her.

"Welcome to the show, William. You know, we were touched by the letter you sent us awhile ago, and we'd like the audience to hear what you told us."

The screen comes alive with the written words of the boy, as the sound of his voice reading is heard.

Dear Oprah,
My name is William. I am seventeen years old and I have no memory of my parents. All my adoptive parents know is that my mother was single and unable to care for me. I just have a very strong feeling that there is something special about my biological family, and I want to meet them. I don't know how to contact them, so I was hoping that you might help me.
Thank you, William

The crowd applauds once again as the camera pans back to Oprah and William.

Oprah: Your real parents might be watching today. What do you want to say to them?

William, turns to the camera with a serious countenance.: Mom and Dad, I know you're out there. I know that there was more to my adoption than I can imagine, and I feel like I have to meet you and get the whole story. I think a lot of the questions about myself and my future can only be answered with your guidance. Please get in touch with me. I'm not angry with you for what you did. I have had a very good life. I just want to know you.

Oprah, wiping the corner of her eyes with a tissue.: That was very heartfelt, William. Well, we have a surprise for you today. We found some people that we think you are going to be interested in seeing.

William's face displays shock as he searches the room frantically.

Oprah: William, I would like to introduce to you your parents - Fox and Dana Mulder!

William: Fox?

The crowd rises to their feet to welcome the couple onto the stage. A middle-aged couple approach the young man eagerly.

Scully: My son! I never thought I'd see you again! She hugs him tightly, followed by Mulder.

Mulder: William, you have no idea how I've looked forward to this moment!

The crowd ceases their clapping and the four sit down on stage. Scully is holding her son's hand tightly. William is in a state of shock.

Oprah: Well, what do you think, William? What do you want to ask first?

William: I'm... I'm shocked. I never imagined this could happen. I... I guess I just want to know why you gave me up. That and I've always felt like I was special, somehow, and that only you two could explain why.

Scully: You have no idea how special you are. You are a miracle!

Mulder: That's for sure, honey! William, your poor old mom didn't have any ova left. She was as barren as a desert.

William, looking a little taken aback: Well, uh... why was that?

Mulder: They stole them. Every last freakin' ova.

Scully: Ovum. The singular of ova is ovum.

Oprah: Uh, okay, so they stole them, so why did you give your son up?

Mulder: Ovum, Ova, whatever they were, they were gone. So your mom comes up to me one day at the FBI-

William: FBI? You're FBI agents?

Mulder: Well, we were. Until we got kicked out.

Scully: Speak for yourself. I never got kicked out.

William: Why did you leave?

Scully: I left with your father after he escaped from a military prison where he was sentenced to death for murder.

William, uncomfortably: Murder?

Mulder: Yeah. Funny story. He chuckles, and shares a smile with his wife. But anyway, we were telling you about how you were conceived.

William: Maybe we should skip to the part where you give me up?

Scully: No, no, you have to hear this. See, your Dad found my ova in a containment facility where they were using them to create alien-human hybrids. Then he told me about it awhile later, and I took the vial he had to the doctor to see if they were viable. Anyway, Dad ended up supplying the necessary agent to get me pregnant. But it didn't work.

William: I was conceived by in-vitro fertilization?

Oprah: Wait a minute... weren't you two... together?

Mulder: Why does everyone assume we were... together? We were partners!

Scully: Well, after the in vitro didn't work, we were "together."

Mulder: We were hoping for a miracle!

Scully: And then you came along! Of course, there was always that nagging concern that you might not be the father, honey.

Mulder, nodding thoughtfully: Yeah, you know we really should get a test done to see if he's ours or an alien.

William: An Alien? What?

Oprah, apprehensively: So you got married then?

Scully: No. Mulder got abducted by aliens. At this point, William covers his face with his hands and shakes his head in embarrassment. Oprah looks nervously at the cameras.

Mulder: Took me right up to the ship. When I was returned a few months later, I was dead.

Oprah: You mean you were almost dead?

Scully: Oh, no, he was dead. Dead as a doornail! We stuck him in a coffin and had a funeral and put him six feet under. Didn't think we'd be seeing him ever again.

William: You were buried in a coffin? Buried alive? How did you escape?

Mulder: I didn't. I was dead. They dug me up on a whim a month or two later. Ended up I was only "mostly" dead.

Oprah: Mostly dead?

Scully: His body regenerated itself and he hasn't had a sick day since. Strong as an ox! She cracks him on the back and he breaks into a fit of coughing.

William: So, I was born...

Mulder: You were born not long after that. Your mom gave birth to you in a ghost town surrounded by super soldiers.

Oprah: We're afraid to ask-

Scully: Super soldiers are men and women who can't be killed. Except by magnetite. It's a rock.

William: A rock.

Mulder: The super soldiers were after you. They wanted you dead, because you were born to save us all from the aliens. That's why Mom gave you up for adoption. And that's why you've thought you were special. You are!

William: My job is to fight the aliens?

Scully: Yes, or they will destroy all of civilization. Dad even knows the date - when was that supposed to happen, honey?

Mulder: Let's see. Memory's not what it used to be.... January? February... March..... December! December 22, 2012.

William: Annoyed, to say the least. That was seven years ago! Did the rest of the world just miss it?

Scully: Hey, honey, we got so busy we forgot about the alien invasion! Wonder what happened with that. Time surely does get away from you as you get older. Mulder and Scully laugh in amusement. William stares at them incredulously.

William: So what have you been so busy with, then? How come you didn't try to find me?

Mulder: Well, it's the funniest thing, really. We were going to, and then your Mom just started having these kids right and left. Seven in all. We would have liked to find you, but I'm unemployed and your mom is a science teacher, and well... we just couldn't afford you.

William: You've had eight miracle babies? rolling his eyes, shaking his head.

Mulder: Yup! Want to meet your brothers and sisters? Hey, kids, come on out!

Seven children between the ages of three and fifteen come running from backstage. They all jump on William in a wild and quite noisy frenzy.

Scully: Will, we want you to meet your family. This is Walter, Melissa, Samantha, John, Monica, William, and Butch.

William: I have a brother named William?

Mulder: Yeah, well, see, YOU'RE named after my father. Your brother is named after me. Fox William Mulder. We figured you weren't around so there wasn't much chance of getting the two of you confused...

William: Butch? He looks almost as if he would rather not know.

Scully, shrugging nonchalantly: We ran out of names of dead family members and friends.

William, standing: You know, on second thought, I think I'll figure out my own life. Thanks for nothing, Oprah. He walks off the stage in a huff as the kids begin jumping on the chairs and basically destroying everything in front of the camera.

Mulder: Now, kids, we don't have any money to pay for that stuff, you better cut it out....

The family leaves, yelling and scuffling as they go. Oprah turns to the camera apologetically, and thoroughly disheveled, pauses, then regains her composure.

Oprah: Ladies and Gentlemen, do to circumstances out of our control, the Oprah Winfrey show will not be seen today. Thank you, and good night.

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