Title: Five Twinkies, an Alien Baby, and Chris Carter
Author: mysterygirl1
Author's Page: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/45662/
Category: X-Files
Genre: Humor
Written: 04/03/2001
Words: 758
Rating: G

Summary: The name pretty much says it all, but its basically an X-files episode gone bad

Author's note: Right, gather round children, and I will tell you the tale of two agents on something called "The X-Files." The X stands for X rated, so will all children under the age of 18 leave this fic immediately….Oh hold, on, I just got a note from the editor…..Oh, never mind, apparently it doesn't stand for X-rated. In fact, I don't even know what it stands for, so we'll just skip this introduction and move on with the story.


Scully, one of these non-X-rated agents, had just had her very first baby. "AWWWWWWWWW look Mulder!!" she exclaimed to her non-X-rated partner. "Look at its big shiny black eyes!"

"Ummmmm… Scully?" answered Mulder, "I don't think eyes are supposed to be that big. And I don't think they're supposed to be all black. And don't those fingers look abnormally long to you?"

Scully looked at Mulder, looked at her abnormally large eyed, long fingered baby, looked back at Mulder, and burst into tears. "ARE……YOU…..CALLING…..MY……BABY……….UGLY!!!????"

"No," said Mulder, "I'm sorry, Scully, it's a beautiful baby, here, have a Twinkie."

Now, it's a well known fact, that NO ONE can decline the peace offering of a Twinkie. So Scully had a Twinkie, and Mulder had a Twinkie, and they gave the baby a Twinkie, and no one noticed when it ate it through its ear, because everyone was happy.

Mid-Twinkie, they were suddenly interrupted when Skinner, the assistant director, burst through the door. "Scully!" He gasped. "Mulder….aliens….saw it myself!"

"What?" asked Scully, confused.

"GOD! DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU!" Yelled Skinner, the top of his bald head starting to turn red with anger. "I'm trying to tell you that Mulder has been abducted by aliens and-what the hell is that!?"

"THAT is my baby! And Mulder has NOT been abducted, he's sitting right here next to me!"

Skinner looked at Mulder and burst into tears. "But, I SAW it! Oh no, I've finally lost it, my therapist warned me about this! Too many beatings to the head!"

"Calm down, Skinner." said Mulder. "Here, have a Twinkie, they always help me when I've lost my mind."

"But you can't be here!" said Skinner, "Because everyone has to believe that you're never coming back! And then we're going to find you dead, and bury you! And then you're going to come back after 3 months, and wake up and be all well again!"

"Huh!" said Mulder, mildly surprised by now. "How do you know all this?"

"BECAUSE I WATCH THE TV!"

"Eh?" said Scully.

"YOU'RE NOT REAL!"

"Eh?" said Mulder.

"That's right! You're a figment of Chris Carter's imagination!"

"Who's this Chris Carter you speak of?" asked the baby, who had already learned to speak, which, of course, should have caused some suspicion, but didn't because everyone was too absorbed in their Twinkies and the fact that they weren't real after all.

"Chris Carter MADE YOU UP!"

"Does he like Twinkies?" asked Mulder.

"Sure do!" Came a voice at the door.

"Why you must be Chris Carter!" said Scully standing up and shaking hands. "Now, Skinner here tells me you made us up, and we've been living our lives in pursuit of a truth that may not be out there after all?"

"Yeah, pretty much." said Chris.

"Wow," said Mulder. "So, you're telling me that there are no aliens."

"Nope," answered Chris Carter. "I made them all up and-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

"That's my baby," said Scully again.

"Well, perhaps I was wrong, cause that sure does look like an alien to me!" said Chris Carter

"It does, doesn't it," said Scully, thoughtfully, then added, "Another Twinkie Mr. Carter?"

"No, thank you, I better be going. Good luck with your alien child Scully." he answered.

"Why thank you Mr. Carter sir,"

And so they said goodbye to Chris Carter, and carried on with their party and eating their Twinkies and everything was fine until the day when Scully's alien baby took over the world. And then everyone was forced to spend the rest of their days eating Twinkies and singing "Yankee Doodle Dandy." But that's a WHOLE other story.
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