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Title: The Essence of Existence They continued to melt into one another with the long awaited kiss. This was a kiss that expressed so much more than just any kiss. The truth that Mulder had feared, the possibilities that he knew Scully feared too; all were culminating into a union of their bodies that neither could release. The miracle of a son, symbolically bonding their bodies together was more sensuous and magnetic than the first and only time they had made love; the union that had brought this child to be. The answers were theirs to know now. Their son was the answered prayer, the miracle, and the product of a union that until now could not be spoken of. Scully's right hand reached up to hold Mulders' face and she found herself stroking the dark hair on the side of his head. A gentle motion from the infant between them broke the kiss and brought both their attention to young William. A slight sigh from the babe and it seemed that he had accomplished his task - gaining his parents' attention. A slight giggle from both the new parents and Scully continued to stroke Mulders hair, seemingly comforting herself as much as Mulder. With his child still swaddled in his arms and his eyes still gazing upon his child Mulder continued: "So... where do I fit in...where do we go from here?" At that William sounded a gurgling noise which seemed right on queue, but it was Scully's interpretation that shocked Mulder even more. As the child started whimpering louder, Scully took him from Mulder's arms "This is where I am going." She backtracked to the bed trying to sooth the whimpers of the baby. When she reached the bed and turned to sit, she looked back at Mulder " That's his feeding call" as she gave Mulder the usual one-sided grin and began to unbutton her pajama top. Mulder stepped to the end of the bed and awkwardly asked, "Is there anything I can do?" Scully replied to his helpless plea "Yea, (she looked up at him with quiet intensity) Stay." Mulder nodded his head and turned to go out of the room when Scully caught him with one more almost jovial request "And could you bring me a glass of ice water when you come back to the room." He nodded again and kept nodding as he turned completely and walked out of the room. He sat on the couch grinning or more like giggling inside. He had never felt this way. A happiness that had eluded him so many times as an adult seemed to have settled into his gut. Yet there was a joyful peace within him. Mulder was blindly taking off his boots and setting them to the side of the couch when his enchantment was broken by her voice. "Mulder?" a shake of his head and he was back to reality. "Yea Scully?" I sure could use that water," she said obviously trying not to be too loud to startle the child. A stuttered affirmation was grunted as he stood from the couch to oblige her request. He took off his long-sleeved over shirt and not so neatly threw it on the couch. Unknowingly he still had a grin on his face when he returned to the bedroom with a glass of water for both himself and Scully. The grin stopped as abruptly as he did when he caught Scully's gaze. "I see you decided to join us." Scully knew that he was speechless at the sight of the child nursing. She thought it was sort of funny and let out a chuckle. She motioned for him to come sit by her. She was stretched out width wise on the bed; her back lying along the row of pillows at the top of the bed, with her head propped up on her left arm. William lay snuggled next to her nursing and kneading her breast with his small hands. Mulder handed Scully her glass and slid up along the two of them. His feet of course were hanging off the side of the bed. He took a drink of water as he watched the baby nurse and crossed his legs to make himself more comfortable. He watched Scully awkwardly hold her head up and take a sip of water, then settle the glass on her hip with her right hand. It was his turn to chuckle. "Hands free feeding huh?" they both chuckled. Silence overwhelmed the room for the next few moments as they both watched the child nurse. Occasionally a gurgling sound or cough would emerge from the little one as he took time to breathe. Slowly, however, William seemed to doze off. The little hands stopped kneading at her breast, and the loud breaths of a hungered child subsided. He was asleep. Mulder sat up and took her glass. He slid slowly off the bed and put both glasses on the nightstand. Returning to the same position on the bed, he looked quizzically at Scully. "How long do you two lay here like this?" Her eyes rose from the baby to Mulder as she spoke "Sometimes I just lay here and look at him for a while." She shrugged her shoulders slightly "But then sometimes he decides that he wants to eat again so we switch sides." Well which one is it this time?" Mulder asked. "Oh, I think he's out for the count tonight" she replied. They both looked down at the sleeping child, still attached to his mothers' breast. Mulder leaned in to kiss him on the forehead. And the kiss turned into a couple, then a few silent slow pecks. As Scully looked down upon this sweet paternal show of affection Mulders eyes looked up and caught hers. He began to move onto her breast with the same slow sweet kisses. Still gazing at her, he found approval in her face. He continued up her neck and over her chin until he found her lips and they began another long amorous kiss. With one arm holding him steady he used his other to find her waist then her hips and as he slowly rubbed his hand up and down on her side, she found it comforting to caress his hair and neck. Mulder moved ever so slightly away from her face "So does that mean I get to put him to bed tonight?" Scully looked over at the bassinette "That's as far as Master William goes from me at night right now." Mulder reached under the child and as he gently lifted him. Scully covered the child up with the blanket he had been laying on. Inelegantly Mulder somehow found his way onto his feet and cautiously laid William down for the night. Mulder was settling the child down for the evenings sleep then he jerked ever so slightly as Scully touched him to hand him a few other things that went in the bassinette. Mulder had not heard her slide to the side of the bed which had put her total body inches away from every sensory nerve in his body. "Scully, you really shouldn't be this close to me right now." He turned and looked down into her teasing face. "It could be hazardous to your health." She grabbed his hand and pulled him back on to the bed to resume their east west nursing/conversation positions. Only this time the baby was not there to separate their bodies. Both of them assumed positions slightly closer to the other, "No really Mulder, what was it about our child that caused all this commotion?" He rolled on to his back, away from her and let out some noise that was only discernible as a grunt. Maybe it just pained him to think of the other possibilities that he feared during her pregnancy, or maybe it was just still too damn hard to talk about that chip in her neck. She rolled on to her belly maybe to follow him, or maybe just to stay closer to him as she awaited his answer. His hands were clasped together on his chest as his mind worked to put all the information together. Scully scooted up toward his face so she could listen and look into his eyes as he spoke. She knew that some of the information distressed him as much as it would her. He released his hands from his chest and let them fall limp to each side. His right arm happening to rest on Scully's back and Scully took that as an invitation to prop herself on his chest with her arms. She looked like a child waiting for a nighttime story. With both of them seemingly comfortable he began to massage her full back with an up and down motion of his hand. This continued almost mechanically as he started to vocalize his assumptions. "I believe, Scully, that your initial visits to Dr. Perenti were an opportunity for them to activate that chip in your neck - to cause your fertility to return or something of that nature. I think they had intentions of doing to you what they ad done to those other mothers, somehow mixing alien DNA and using your ova to bring some form of alien fetus to term." He looked down at her only to be met with a look that told him to continue. He laid his head back down and looking at the ceiling as he cautiously went forward with the tale. "Our attempts at in vitro-fertilization were their opportunities to prime your reproductive system for their purposes." In one swift action he manages to roll over onto his side and put Scully on her side so he could look at her has he spoke. He began to pull gently at a few strands of her red hair, and almost grinning he kept spinning the story off to her. "They never counted on any outside interference....(not able to maintain his chuckling anymore he finished his statement)....like you actually having sex." Mulder shyly laughed and dropped his eyes as he finished this statement. Scully found his boyish, embarrassed look just too cute and she let out a little hushed laughter along with him. The laughter subsided and Scully reached up to pull his face back to meet her gaze. "So, you're saying that you beat them to the punch?" Mulder stuttered "Well.... I know it sounds kind of self-centered, but it's the only scientific way I can explain it in my mind." Scully kept a fix on his eyes and he knew she was waiting for a little more than just a scientific explanation. He continued: "Well, that's my theory anyway. We actually have all those idiots to thank for our son." He paused for a moment and then concertedly, slowly and almost in his muffled whisper he pointed something else out to her as he awkwardly played with the top button of her pajamas "If you had not slid into my bed that night and asked me to make love to you..." His eyes rose to meet hers. There was a long quiet pause as they lay looking at each other almost reliving that night in their minds. There was no need to finish that statement. There was no want or desire to consider the alternative that may have taken place had they not decided jointly to dissolve their platonic relationship. Mulder started to actually laugh a little louder as he began speaking again "Scully you either have a fantastic guardian angel or just real damn good timing." She laughed and tried to muffle the noise with her hand as she continued the almost giddy feeling of the conversation. "So, Fox Mulder, as I said, that you beat them to the punch?" "You could put it that way Scully. But they didn't know it." He reached his left hand over to stroke her hair as the details of the story, and the theory itself seemed to grow a little more intense. "I think they even initially attempted to complete their experiment by trying to get some of that alien DNA inside you. That's probably what made you so sick through the first part of your pregnancy..." Scully, not wanting Mulder to rehash all the procedures in his head, and wanting to hold onto some of the glee of the conversation stopped him before he could continue "Boy, you really read up on all my records didn't you Mulder?" As they lay on their sides facing each other, the space between them seems to be getting smaller. He stared at her and continued touching her face, her hair, her shoulders, "I wanted to believe so badly that you were carrying my child Scully. I was so sick last year, and I knew if I could do this for you, then you would have a part of me forever." She took his hand into her own and softly kissed it as she put it down on her waist. She also used his forearm as an anchor to bring her body closer to his. "So what you're saying, Mulder, is that Dr. Perenti's medical records were portraying this pregnancy as one of his experiments. (A look of enlightenment, and her speech slows) No wonder Billy Miles and the others like him were after me and my baby." Mulder was quick to correct her "Our baby" She shook her head in agreement and smiled a subtle smile but continued to lay there very shocked as she started to realize the significance of Mulder's assumptions. "All of Dr. Perenti's records led them to believe that the child I was carrying was part alien, part of the work they wanted to destroy." A shiver went down her spine and to Mulder it looked like she had gotten a chill as her body jerked with the thought. Mulder pushed an arm underneath her and opportunistically used the hand on her waist to roll her to her back. Now his head is lying on her chest. His next words were an attempt to comfort her "The best thing that probably ever happened for our child is that we could tell no one about our relationship, about how intimate we had become. He chuckled, "I guess finally I can thank the FBI regulations for something." Seamlessly she continued for him "You're right Mulder, we both knew if anyone at the FBI would have found out about our relationship they would have kicked us both out on our asses. It would have also been knowledge available to Dr. Perenti and his group." He turned his eyes upward only for a moment - to deliver a traditional 'Mulder' punch line "It was quite nice of the bureau to fire me just in time to welcome my son into this world." His head softly hit her chest again, just below her breasts. She smiled as she stared up into nowhere and fondled his hair with her left hand and with her right reached down to grasp his forearm that lay across her stomach. She began his rubbing forearm, up and down, up and down and the rhythm started to settle into both of their bodies. He in return used his other arm to reach up and synchronize his hand movements in her hair with those of her touch to his arm. Both closed their eyes and fell blindly to sleep.
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