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Title: Cohesion Summary: The family begins to come together. Scully-Mulder Household "Hi! What are you doing out here?" I ask Kessie. She is out on the porch swing reading a book. All I ever see her do is read books. She's not even interested in television. Mulder already dragged another two boxes of our college text books out of the attic for her. She's usually absorbing physics or anatomy or psychology. Right now she's studying a book on Jung. All I need is a kid who's an expert at psychology. Wait. I already have one. "Soprano is upstairs getting Kit bathed and in his pajamas and I am reading," she says, looking at me briefly before staring back into her book. Perhaps it is her escape mechanism. An escape from me, usually. She doesn't read this much when she's with Mulder. And I hardly ever see her pick up a book when Soprano is around. Unfortunately, Mulder is in Kansas City, so I get the cold book treatment. "Can I sit here?" I ask, pointing down at the other half of the porch swing seat. She just nods her head and scoots over as far as she can next to the arm. I put my hands across my ever growing belly and sigh. It was a long day. I had to consult with the ME in Baltimore on a difficult case and I feel like I spent most of the day driving there and back. I can see Kessie watching me out of the corner of her eye. I don't think she despises me or thinks of me as some wicked stepmother. She just isn't comfortable around me. She closes her book and sets it on her lap. Instead of a stolen glance, she is now staring at my abdomen. "What's it like?" she asks, swallowing hard after she asks. I look down at my belly which is barely showing. Only people who know me know I'm pregnant. Strangers haven't started asking when I'm due. Nobody puts there hands there yet, waiting to feel her move. "Tiring, sometimes. A lot of changes go on in the body ..." I start to say. "No. That isn't what I meant. What is it like?" she asks, and I look at her curiously. It has taken me some time to get used to looking at her and not seeing her mother staring back at me. Now I look at her and see Kessie. Occasionally I see Mulder, but most of the time, I just see a very pretty eleven year old girl. "I know what the books say. I know all about the boring mechanics of sex and reproduction. They made sure of that. But I was never around someone who was pregnant. I've never been around someone who is a ... mom. What's it like to be a mother?" "It is like ... my world will never be the same again. All at once I felt like I had all the answers to everything life is about, yet at the same time I felt helpless to come up with those answers," I tell her, and she listens to me with rapt attention. "Christopher was born and from the first moment I heard him cry and your father showed him to me, his life was more important than mine. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. Although I love other people a lot, it is nothing compared to this love." She waits patiently for me to continue. It isn't easy to describe. The emotions run so deep that they are hard to tap and bring to the surface. It is an experience that cannot be expressed in words or told in a story. It must be lived to be fully understood. "Did you love Christopher before he was even born?" she asks me and I wish I could tell her what she really wants to know. If her parents loved her before she was born. "I loved Christopher even before I knew he was going to be a Christopher. Just as I love this baby," I say, rubbing my hand up and down my stomach. She offers me a sad smile. I know Mulder was upset when he thought Diana miscarried the baby that is now sitting here talking to me. But I will not answer for him. She will have to ask him that herself someday. "It must be nice to have someone love you that much," she says, and I can tell she wants to reach out and touch me on the belly. "And it must be nice to love someone like that." "It is nice. The sky is bluer. The ocean is bigger. The moon is brighter. The world is far more amazing. Just because I now am looking at it all again through the eyes of a child. And I see how Chris loves his dad just because that is who he is, and it amazes me. He doesn't know anything about us, yet he loves us more than I thought possible. And neither of us would think twice about giving up our lives to save his. Here. Put your hand right there. I have only felt her move once or twice, but it could happen," I say, taking hold of her hand. Kestrel rests her palm low down on my abdomen and concentrates. As if she can sense someone is waiting for her, the baby flutters just a little. It is barely even perceptible, but Kessie smiles. "That is awesome," she says. "Well, she just knows her big sister is waiting out here for her to dress her up ribbons and lace and teach her about Jung," I say, and Kessie laughs while she moves closer to me. She doesn't move her hand away and I don't care. She grows quiet as she waits to feel the baby move again. "Dana, do you think someone will ever love me that much? The way you and Fox love Chris and the baby?" she asks in a voice that is barely above a whisper. I think of all the things Mulder has said about her and how angry he is that Diana could do this to him and to this child. I think of him risking everything and going back to take Kessie ... his child ... from that place her mother sent her to. Then I think of how I look at her and see this amazing child who absorbs everything around her with the eyes of a infant. I think of how wonderful she is with Christopher and how beautiful she really is. I can only answer one thing. "I think someone already loves you that much," I answer her, pulling her close to me. "Thank you," she says, and I know that she is crying. Office of Marcus Gates, Esq. "Then it is settled. One week of Christmas vacation -- starting the day after Christmas -- and spring break with me in the city and the summers with my parents on the Vineyard," Carol Fowley-Osgood says to the lawyer and I can do nothing but go along with it. Kessie needs to know her mother's family just as much as she needs to know mine. "Your parents spend the summer on the Vineyard?" I ask. They never did before. Of course, Richard Fowley wasn't retired back when Diana and I were together. "They bought a place last December," she says. She has no idea that is where I grew up. Why would she? Not unless Diana told her. Carol and her sister were close, but not that close. "Where?" I ask and she looks at me curiously. "I grew up there. I was just wondering where they bought their house." The lawyer ignores this conversation and goes about shuffling papers around. Carol, Richard and Lorraine have come to meet Kestrel a few times. No one has ever mentioned this summer house thing. "Chilmark," she answers. She looks nervously at her watch. I know she has to catch a shuttle back to New York soon so she can get back to the important world of publishing. "Do you know where in Chilmark?" I ask, my questions growing more insistent. I sold the house in Chilmark last December. My father wanted to sell it years ago but my mother told him to hold on to it, in case Samantha came back. How would she find us if we sold her home? My father rented it out instead. Until I sold it to buy our house. Everything went through agents and lawyers and I only got a bank check made out to me in the end of the process. "Fox, why does it matter?" Carol asks me. What am I supposed to say? I don't want my daughter living in the house my sister was abducted from? "Listen, I don't really know the address off hand, but I will ask Dad when I talk to him next time, okay?" "I want to know before she stays there," I say and the lawyer finally looks up from the paperwork he was finishing. "Is there a problem?" he asks, probably counting up the hours in his head that any problem in this custody case could bring in. I'm amazed we found anybody to take it at all, considering my guardianship is tentative at best. All the legal papers are there, but the situation is not normal "No problem at all, is there, Fox?" Carol asks, her eyes narrowing at me. "No. None at all," I say. "Well, Mr. Mulder. Ms. Osgood, it was nice meeting you. And Mr. Mulder, as soon as you and your fiancee are married, we can start on the adoption process," the lawyer says as he dismisses us with a smile. "Are there going to be any problems, Fox?" Carol asks as we walk toward the elevator. I know they wanted custody of her, and I can't blame them. She's all they have left of their daughter. But they seem to be content with this arrangement for now. I imagine Dick and Lorraine didn't want to give up all those tours they take with the Sarasota Seniors Club. Children definitely put a crimp in the old lifestyle. I can't even imagine Carol alone with Kessie. It's only a few weeks a year. I'm sure Kessie won't impede on Carol's uptown lifestyle too much. "I won't create any problems if you don't," I say, and I feel like I'm divorcing this woman. I already divorced one just like her before. They are right. It is worse when there are kids involved. "By the way, I found these tucked away in Diana's things when I emptied out her apartment. I thought that Kessie might like them," Carol says as she digs through her briefcase. She hands me a small picture album filled with photos of Diana and me. Damn. Kessie most certainly does look like her mother, especially when she was that young. I flip quickly through the pages and wonder how she could have done what she did. What on earth possessed her to take our child, disappear and then give her away? "Thank you. I'm sure Kessie will appreciate them," I say, closing the album and all the memories they invoke. We ride the elevator down in silence and neither of us says anything to the other until we reach the street. "Do you need a ride to the airport?" I ask her. She's looking around for a cab. We certainly have them here, just not like she's used to. "That would be great, if you have time," she says, looking at her watch again. "Come on. My car's parked over there," I say and she follows me to what is actually Scully's SUV. "Goodness, Fox, you have become quite domestic, haven't you?" she says as she climbs in. "Good thing we got such a big family car considering that little surprise your sister dropped onto our laps," I say as I pull out into early rush hour traffic. She says nothing. Carol and her parents were just as surprised as I was about Kestrel's existence. They were also overjoyed that a part of their deceased daughter lives on. And I'm going to give this child an opportunity to know all of her family. She's already a part of our families. Mrs. Scully and my mother treat her like a granddaughter already. I want my children to have the childhood I lacked. That isn't entirely fair. It wasn't bad until Samantha was abducted. And now Kessie's grandparents are going to take my daughter back to where that all happened. Small world, isn't it? "Did you find a school for her?" Carol asks. Dick and Lorraine Fowley agreed to pay any educational costs for their only granddaughter, and that is good considering she tested well above the twelfth grade public school level. All those years of her having nothing to do but read and absorb information did that, I'm sure. "We are looking at two private schools for the gifted. One has an exchange program with a local community college, but she will still be three years younger than her next youngest classmate. That one focuses on the arts and humanities. The other specializes in children gifted in math and science. She can go to either one. She just has to decide. Then when we feel she's emotionally and socially ready for it, we will look into early enrollment into college," I say as I get into the lane that leads to the airport. "How about your other child. Is he just as smart?" she asks. I'm sure she is hoping her sister's child will be the best and the brightest. Why wouldn't she want that? "Chris is only one year old. We have a difficult time getting him to hold the pencil without chewing on it when he takes the standardized tests that would let us know exactly how gifted he is," I say, the sarcasm weighing heavily in my voice. "Point well taken," she says. She takes her long brown hair and manages to twist it up and clip it so she is all business again. "Carol, just because she's Diana and my child and not mine and Scully's doesn't mean I'm going to love her less. Yes, she was quite a surprise, but that is not Kessie's fault," I say and Carol stares out the window as the city passes us by. "Why did she do it?" Carol asks softly. "I don't know yet. But I'm trying to find out," I answer. The Office of Dr. Heitz Werber "I want you to relax and think about that Christmas day we talked about earlier. I want you to go to that day," Dr. Werber says to Kessie. She is sitting on the couch with her eyes closed. Mulder is sitting next to her, watching her intently. Not knowing exactly what part is mine in this, I stand off to the side, just an observer this time instead of a participant. "So many presents," Kessie says with the tone of a child. "Mommy has gotten me so many presents." I watch Mulder stiffen up at the mention of 'mommy.' I know he hopes that Kessie was taken from or given up by Diana when she was first born. Not as a toddler or a child. "What else? Do you see your mommy here?" Dr. Werber asks her slowly, his voice soothing and low. "My mommy's here. There are other people here, too. Some of them talk funny," she says, wrinkling up her nose and smiling. "Talk funny how? What do they say to you?" he asks. "'Fröliche Weihnachten, mein Kind.'" Kessie says. German. They spoke to her in German because she was in Germany. "Was haben sie sonst zu dir gesagt?" Dr. Werber asks her, not missing a beat when going from English to German. Mulder looks to me and I just put my finger over my lips after mouthing 'it's okay' to him. "Sie sagen 'solch ein hübsches kleines Mädchen.' Sie halten, mein Haar zu berühren und spielten mit meinen Zöpfen.," Kestrel says. Mulder sits forward in the couch looking at Dr. Werber for answers. "She said they called her a pretty little girl and played with her braids," Dr. Werber whispers. He turns back to her and asks her more. "Wer hat dein Haar geflochten?" "Meine Tante Samantha hat meine Haare geflochten und hat mir mein Kleid gekauf," she answers and Mulder nearly comes off the couch. "What!" Mulder says as he and Dr. Werber stare at each other. Dr. Werber knows all about Samantha. That is what brought him and Mulder together. "She said that her Aunt Samantha did her hair and bought her the dress she is wearing," Dr. Werber whispers to Mulder. "Does she know where her Aunt Samantha is?" Mulder asks, hardly able to contain the excitement in his voice. Dr. Werber faces Kessie again and speaks to her again in German. "Weisst du, wo deine Tante Samantha lebt?" he asks. It is a simple question about where Samantha lives. "Das ist dumm! Sie lebt in ihrem Haus!" she says, laughing like a child. Aunt Samantha lives at her own house. What else would the memory of a small child supply? "Wo ist Haus der Tante Samantha?" Dr. Werber asks, hoping to get more specific."In welcher Stadt lebt sie?" "Sie lebt in einem Haus auf einem Berg," Kessie answers and she begins to fidget like a small child. "She says she lives in the house on the big hill. I'm going to talk to you in English again. And I want you to answer in English, okay?" he asks her. Her face shows no emotion right now but I can see her eyes racing back and forth behind her eyelids. "Okay," she answers, her perfect German accent dropped as quickly as she picked it up. "I want you to remember the last time you saw your mother. Do you remember what happened that day?" he asks her. All at once her tranquil face scrunches up and her breathing rate picks up drastically. "No! No no no no!" she shouts, with the voice of a child again. "Besides your mother, who else is there?" he asks her. "That man. The man my mommy is always with. I hate him!" Kessie shouts. She begins to shake her head back and forth, trying to escape the images. I know that there is no escape. "What does that man say to your mom? What does your mom do?" Werber asks. "He says her time is up. That she agreed to this a long time ago and ... and ... now that he has found her, he has to take me," she says, her face bunching up. She looks like she is on the verge of tears. "Do you know this man's name?" Dr. Werber asks her and a puzzled look crosses her face. "No. My mommy never says his name. But he's there. He's taking me. No! He grabs my arm and starts to pull me from my mommy. I want my mommy!" Kessie cries out in a voice that breaks my heart. Mulder has moved closer to her and is holding her small hand in his. "What is your mother doing?" Dr. Werber asks and her face looks panicked. "Mommy is screaming 'don't take my baby!' She keeps screaming. 'Don't take my baby! Take me! Not my baby!'" Kessie cries and Mulder holds her hand tighter. "Where do they take you, Kessie?" Dr. Werber asks. "My name isn't Kessie," she answers quietly. Of course her name wasn't Kestrel then. Others gave her that name. "What is your name?" Werber asks her. "I'm so cold. Why is it so cold? That man keeps coming in and looking at me. He doesn't give me a blanket. I keep asking for my blankie but he just blows smoke at me and walks away. I want my mommy so bad and no one can hear me," Kessie says and she begins to shiver. "What is your name?" he asks again. She has to think about it, as if they wiped that from her memory along with any of the other things she's just told us. "Do you remember what your name was?" A smile curls up the corners of her mouth. "Yes I do. Sam is my name. Just like my aunt. Mommy named me after her." Mulder releases her hand and sits back against the couch. "Okay, Sam. Do you know what happened to you in that cold place?" Werber asks her. The smile vanishes off of her face instantly. She begins to shiver and tries to warm herself by rubbing her arms. "Why don't they stop! Oh, please make them stop!" she shrieks. Her hands fly up as if to protect her face and she shrinks back into the couch. "Sam, they can't hurt you now. Who is there with you, Sam?" Werber asks, and I can tell that the use of that name grates on Mulder severely. "They. Won't. Stop." "Kessie, come out of that cold place now. Come on back to where it is warm," Werber says, but she doesn't react immediately. Something has her transfixed. Something in her own mind. "Daddy, make them stop!" she screams, reaching out for Mulder, grabbing his shirt and pulling him toward her. She shouldn't know he's there, but she does. She can't quite escape what she's seeing. "That's it! That's enough! Bring her out of it. Now!" Mulder shouts and Dr. Werber tries to calm him down while bringing Kessie back from that cold place. It ends with Kessie crying in her father's arms. He stares at me overtop of her head. I don't even know what to say at this point. "What now?" Scully asks. We are at the park, enjoying the late summer evening. Kessie has Christopher following her like she is a mother duck and he squeals with delight as she twists and turns around. "I don't know," I answer. It is the truth. "I don't even know where to begin." I am sitting on the top of a picnic table and Scully is sitting on the bench in between my knees. She rests back against me and sighs. "Are you going?" she asks me. "Where?" I ask back. I already know what she thinks I'm going to do. I watch as Christopher tumbles over into the grass and Kessie picks him up and they go off on their game of follow the leader again. "Germany," she says. I won't lie. It has crossed my mind. "And do what, Scully? Look for the house on the big hill? Germany has lots of big hills. Where would I begin?" I answer. I run my fingers through her hair and she sighs again. I cannot believe everything she puts up with. If I were her, I would have been gone a long time ago. "There was a time you would have run off and been on the first flight out of National without even thinking about it," she says, relaxing back even closer to me. "And there was a time I didn't have you. And I didn't have Christopher. And Kessie. And a baby on the way. Besides, look what happened the last time I ran off. How many more mouths do you think we can feed?" I ask and she laughs. "Mulder, are you growing up?" Scully asks, as she takes one of my hands in hers. "Growing up and growing old all at the same time, I think. I will find her, Scully. I will find Samantha. And I will find the people who took her. And the people who once took you. And Kessie. I have to find them," I say, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. "But now is not the time." "Thank you," she whispers. "For what?" I ask. "For not running off this time," she says. We've talked about this so many times before. Nothing pisses her off more. "Scully, when you are ready, we will both go look for her together, okay?" I ask. "With two kids, and one on the way, that might not be for years." "It won't be that long. It won't be years. We will do it soon," she says. She knows how much this means to me. "Thank you, Scully." The End
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