TITLE: A Crocodile Ate My Laptop!
AUTHOR: Wylfcynne
DISTRIBUTION: All-XFiles, X-Files-Fanfic and Ephemeral to Gossamer, certainly; anyone else, please ask; that way I'll know where it all goes, so I can visit.
SPOILERS: up to end of Season 8; baby William is here; so is Mulder.
RATING: shamefacedly admitting to G!
CLASSIFICATION: teaser for a series; CharlieFic (There will be MulderTorture in future episodes!)
DISCLAIMER: They certainly aren't mine; if they were, they'd be having more fun! Mulder, Scully, Skinner and the rest belong to FOX Networks and 1013; I'm just borrowing them for a little fun and games...I promise I'll bring them back on time and unharmed... and they won't remember a thing...

SUMMARY: a set of e-mails exchanged within a family

DEDICATION: Overall, all my X Files work is dedicated to my writing partner, Ravenwald, without whom I would still be doing all this using a ballpoint pen, who introduced me to fandom on the 'Net, and awakened the Muse, who had been sleeping for a VERY long time. This piece is for the Sisters Spooky, for mink roses and homemade candy, nifty Christmas cards and fresh-burned CDs, for grins and giggles and healing candlelight...for being the sisters I never had in Real Life.

To: BigSistaDayDay@h... From: BabyBroTuna@h... Subject: Meade

Dana, guess what?! Meade got accepted by SEVEN great schools, and she picked Georgetown!!! Isn't that great?! She hasn't picked a major yet; she can't make up her mind whether she wants to build spaceships or fly 'em.

She's going to be living with her Grandmother Hazel; Hazel signed a four-year lease on a town house about a mile from the school just a couple of days after Meade decided. I don't know how she lucks into these things...!

Why isn't Meade going to be living in the dorms? I can hear you rhapsodizing about your college experiences, Day...don't waste the band-width repeating that. <G> She's still a little nervous about really large crowds. The campus brochure for UCLA gave her the shakes: all that wide open space, and 40,000 students... She just couldn't do it.

I suppose that's my fault, raising her in Amazonia. But if we'd all stayed in Brazil... Never mind.

Hazel promises that Lowell's therapy can be switched to a provider clinic working out of the university's medical center, so she'll be happy, and he won't fall behind.

The twins and I are going to come home for Christmas, Dana. We'd love to see you. When I have exact dates and flight times and such, I'll let you know.

Love, Charlie

= = = = = = = = = = = =cold blooded but cuddly = ---------< = = = = = = = = = = =


To: BabyBroTuna@h... From: BigSistaDayDay@h... Subject: re: Meade

Charlie?! It's been so long since I've heard from you that I thought you'd been listening to Bill and weren't speaking to me.



To: BigSistaDayDay@h... From: BabyBroTuna@h... Subject: re: Meade

Dana, I swear I wasn't ignoring you on purpose! The boys and I were out doing a project on anacondas near the Venezuelan border when some of those silly pink dolphins started harassing us. We thought it was cute until we realized that they weren't paying us any attention at all, actually. There was a big crocodile following our canoe. The croc lunged for a particularly suicidal dolphin, his tail hit the canoe and we almost capsized. A bunch of our gear went over the side. *I* almost went over the side.

The crocodile ate my laptop.

I swear to God. I would have tried to recover it, but Orinoco Crocodiles are among the MOST endangered herps in the world, and I couldn't bring myself to shoot the old mugger. He must have been 20 feet long! He was bigger than our canoe, and it was 18 feet.

And it wouldn't've been worth much after he crunched it...

So, what did I miss?

Love, Charlie

= = = = = = = = = = = =cold blooded but cuddly = ---------< = = = = = = = = = = =


To: BabyBroTuna@h... From: BigSistaDayDay@h... Subject: re: Meade

>So, what did I miss?

Ummm...well, in order: I got sick. Mulder got abducted by aliens. He was missing for three months. We recovered his body in Montana. We buried him in Raleigh NC next to his mom. Our boss ordered his body exhumed three months later. He woke up. He got fired. We moved in together. I had a baby. (I wasn't sick; I was pregnant. Who knew?) We named him William Fox Mulder. We bought a house; the Mulders have $$$! We're inviting everyone for Christmas to show off Will and the house. Please come?



To: BigSistaDayDay@h... From: BabyBroTuna@h... Subject: re: Meade

Okay, now wait a goddamned minute...! <I got sick. That I can buy; you must've been terrified that the cancer was back: that's what I thought when I read the line!

<Mulder got abducted by aliens. Give me a break, Day!!

<He was missing for three months. <We recovered his body in Montana. <We buried him in Raleigh NC next to his mom. Oh, my God, Day. You must have been a basket case! I'm so sorry I was out of touch...! You were there for me when Edith died...I would have been there for you!

<Our boss ordered his body exhumed three months later. What would possess the man to do this?

<Mulder woke up. Mulder's alive? How can he be alive if he was... That's too gross, Day. Really.

<He got fired. Wait a minute. You expect me to believe that Mulder came back from the dead and just went back to work?! Why the hell aren't we building cathedrals?! This hasn't happened for 2000 years! Didn't anyone NOTICE???

<We moved in together. I'm glad YOU finally came to your senses!!

<I had a baby. (I wasn't sick; I was pregnant. Who knew?) <We named him William Fox Mulder. *This* doesn't surprise me. But I *am* surprised that SistaDayDay has been doing the wild thing with her partner!!! After all those assurances from you that you were just best friends with him?! Oh, no, honey. Remember, I was there when you stayed with him in the hospital in NC. Remember? You'd only been partnered with him for a few months, but he took a bullet and you almost fell apart. I have admired your strength of will... but I wished you'd relax. True love is so hard to find... it seemed almost disrespectful for you two to ignore it.

I'm glad you finally got over it.

<We bought a house; the Mulders have $$$! Sounds like fun. I figured his family had the bucks stashed somewhere; he talks like money, he wears Armani suits to chase bad guys through alleys, and, after everything else, he chartered transportation to get to Antarctica to find you. That cost him bucks; I know because I helped him a little. He e-mailed me asking for recommendations; he knew I had to know everyone in Sao Paolo, and he was right. I told him about a couple of honest ship captains who would take him where he wanted to go or refer him on. He needed air transport; there wasn't time for boats. Between us, and his AmEx card, he got what we both wanted: you safely the hell out of Antarctica!

<We're inviting everyone for Christmas to show off Will and the house. Please come? Like you could keep me away? But you'll have to bribe the twins. They want to get back to Avebuyana ASAP; the shaman has offered to initiate them into full warrior-membership when they get back, and they want it the worst way. Getting to see you will score high. To see the Lazarus you're shacked up with will be serious points, especially if he'll talk to them about it; I relayed all the stories you told me about Albert Hosteen and what he did for the two of you. They deeply regret his death; they wanted to pick his brains!

Wait a sec... this is the third time Mulder's died, isn't it? Once in AZ, getting out of that refrigerator car, once when he had to fake the suicide, and this time. That's a new world record, isn't it?

Why the HELL aren't we building cathedrals?!?!?

Of course I'll be there.

Love, Charlie

= = = = = = = = = = = =cold blooded but cuddly = ---------< = = = = = = = = = = =


To: BigSistaDayDay@h... From: Castor&PolluxTakeAmazonia@h... Subject: Xmas in DC

Aunt Day, we will NOT require any sort of bribery to accompany Dad on his pilgrimage <G> We miss you, too! Really! You're the only aunt we have! It's neat that you have a baby, but, honestly, babies are not high on our list of Things to See and Do in DC. You understand, don't you?

We REEEEEALLY REEEEEALLY REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY want to talk to Mr Mulder about his experiences, however. Dad told us about Mr Hosteen, but diluted twice... we think he left stuff out.

We promise not to nag, if you can talk him into setting aside an afternoon for us? Dad says he may not want to talk at all, but you can talk him into anything, Aunt Day-he loves you. He's gone to the ends of the earth for you... you can talk him into spending a few hours educating his eager nephews-to-be, can't you???

Can't you??

Should we bring bribes? Is there anything we can get down here that he'd think is KEWL???

Help us out, here, Aunt Day, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!

Love, your nephews, Cas & Pol

)-( The Twins )-(


To: Castor&PolluxTakeAmazonia@h... From: TrustingOnly1@tlg.org Subject: Xmas in DC

I read The Rolling Stones when I was 6. I'm really looking forward to meeting your grandmother Hazel.

So what do you want to talk about?

Fox Mulder

||Killing never solves anything, but it keeps people out of your hair while you decide what to do next.||


To: TrustingOnly1@tlg.org From: Castor&PolluxTakeAmazonia@h... Subject: re: Xmas in DC

We're as smart as the Stone Twins in the book. We have tested IQs ranging from 177 and 189 depending on which test it was and the breakfast menu that day. But we're not into physics and math; that's our big sister Meade's gig. Life does not imitate art at a one-to-one rate of correspondence.

Dad's raised us in Amazonia. We're most interested in the development of religions and spirituality from prehistory. We have direct experience with the religious practices of three different tribes here in Amazonia: Dad always found local moms to watch us for him when we were all too little to go with him, and we grew up with the local kids.

We 've read about transcendent states. Dad's allowed us to receive instruction from local shamans. We've done some meditation and magick work.

We want to hear about your NDE in New Mexico, and what you experienced while in the dreamstate. We're fascinated by this tale of resurrection; Dad was only half-joking when he asked Aunt Day why no one was building cathedrals!

You're special and we want to bask in the proximal glow. Is that all right with you? We understand that human language is often inadequate for expressing some of these concepts, and Dad says that there was, inevitably, some emotional trauma involved and that you may not want to talk about it.

We understand that. Really, we do. You can't live with subsistence-level hunter-gatherers without understanding death and life in a particularly intimate way. We have sat vigil while friends died. We have hunted and we have killed.

We have not yet had occasion to fight other humans, though if Cyclops Oil gets pushy again, that may change. When we get home again, Vimenho, the shaman of our tribe (we were adopted as toddlers) is going to initiate us as warriors. That's a long ritual: it takes an entire lunar cycle.

So we respect the concept of the ordeal, and we've read enough modern psychology to understand PTSD and the similar difficulties suffered by survivors.

We can listen with proper respect, and we look forward to the opportunity to do so.

Respectfully, Cas & Pol

)-( The Twins )-(

PS. Can we call you Uncle Fox?


To: Castor&PolluxTakeAmazonia@h... From: TrustingOnly1@tlg.org Subject: re: Xmas in DC

If you promise to stop using words like "resurrection" and asking about cathedral construction, we'll get along fine. There was nothing supernatural about my survival, this time (I'm not as sure that's true about the NDE in NM). I'll explain and I'll answer questions to the best of my ability.

I'm not married, legally, to your aunt. So I'm not your uncle.

And NO ONE calls me Fox. Ever.

Avuncularly yours, Fox Mulder

If ignorance is Bliss, Washington must be Paradise!


To: TrustingOnly1@tlg.org From: Castor&PolluxTakeAmazonia@h... Subject: Xmas in DC

Dear Uncle Fox,

Should we bring native art for Xmas gifts? What would Aunt Dana like? We haven't seen her for a really long time. Plus, we're male. We're kinda clueless about what to give her.

Any advice?

Your loving nephews,

Cas & Pol

)-( The Twins )-(


To: Castor&PolluxTakeAmazonia@h... From: TrustingOnly1@tlg.org Subject: re: Xmas in DC


Dana would like anything you bring, esp if it's pretty. Just remember she's a redhead when you pick colors. Suggestions? Things she can wear, like hair bands, tiebacks, bracelets, whatever. The people down there in Amazonia don't wear much, I understand, but surely they have decorative arts. Go for it.

If you can find an amethyst geode, esp an elaborate one, that might appeal to her. She's been on a purple/lavender binge, lately. Or so I'm told. Sometimes I'm glad I'm somewhat protanomalous...

If any bits or parts are potentially toxic, we need to know, so we can keep it away from Wills. Other than that, use your own best judgment.

Love, Uncle Fox

~ If you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe I can tell you where to go. ~


To: HMS1701@Adel... From: DKScully@y... Subject: Christmas


Why didn't you let me know you were all here in the area? I would have invited you over to meet Wills and Mulder long before now.

At any rate. You and Meade and Lowell are invited for Christmas. Charlie and the twins will be here and knowing Georgetown as I do, unless your heart is set on having six people in a town house the size of a shoe box, I'll have them stay here. The twins want to pick Mulder's brain; it will make for a quieter time for you if they, at least, aren't staying with you. For that matter, if you want, you three are more than welcome to stay here while Charlie and the Identical Monsters are in town. It's not like we don't have the room!

Mulder insisted on buying this place and it's humoungus! (is that spelled right?) (is that even a word?) It's got six bedrooms and four full bathrooms, plus two half baths downstairs and the toilet and barrier-free shower adjacent to the maid's room where Lowell can stay. Of course, he can always stay upstairs if you think he'd be more comfortable; there's an elevator, too!

Mulder said that any extra bedrooms we didn't need to keep for people we could turn into offices and libraries, and, considering the number of books he had in storage, that's beginning to sound like a good idea. I filled most of the formal library with my books, so his have to wait till we get the shelving for another room! It looks as if he still has every book he's ever bought, all the way back to Scholastic Books from elementary school! At last count there were over two hundred boxes in the basement waiting for the rest of the shelving to be delivered, and UPS brings boxes from Amazon.com and Powell.com several times a week...

In the spring he wants up to go up to Martha's Vineyard and clear his stuff out of his childhood home. He never got the chance and now that we're settled, he says he wants everything all in one place. Why does this idea scare me? <G>

Did you hear what happened to Charlie's laptop? Only Charlie could come up with an excuse this lame for not writing!

Email me, or give me a call; I think Meade has my cell number.

Love, Charlie's sister, Dana (as if you hadn't guessed by now!)

PS: I've attached a couple of pictures of Mulder and Wills. Wills is the one *without* fingers in his mouth.

PPS: If you're not a Knicks fan don't mention how badly they're doing, please! This is the first season in three years Mulder's been able to watch from the beginning of the season, and the team, of course, isn't cooperating.



To: DKScully@y... From: HMS1701@adel... Subject: Christmas


It's so good to hear from you. I didn't want to impose when I first got here because I heard from Margaret (at length) about your problems and figured you didn't need any more advice, input or hassles. Besides, getting Lowell settled and satisfied took quite a bit of time. It took me almost two months to find a physical therapist that he liked and to get his bedroom and the rest of the place to the point where he could deal with it.

The therapist came highly recommended and actually asked Lowell if he was related to you. Apparently the names of Scully and Mulder are well-known (read: infamous!) at the Georgetown University Medical Center. <eg> I'm told they have both of your pictures posted in the employees lounge and there's a sign-up list for time off underneath. I was also informed that the requests go strictly by seniority no matter who asks first. <veg>

Meade is both excited and scared about going to school here. I really wish that Charlie and Edith had spent more time acclimatizing the kids to city living. It was such a shock to Meade when she had to come to live in the States after the accident. I'm glad we were able to find good therapists for her and Lowell in the very small town where I lived. We lucked out and I was prepared for problems when it came time for Meade to start University, but again, as I said before, we lucked out. She's still not comfortable in crowds and she's choosing her classes this semester very carefully, asking her student advisor about class size. I can just see her panicking if she gets stuck in a 101 class being held in a lecture hall holding 500 other students. Fortunately, she's been able to take Advanced Placement courses at the high school back in Fillmore and so she's got a number of credits already and she's going to be tested later in the semester to see what else she can skip. I'm sure she'll be able to prove that she's fulfilled her language requirement, if nothing else! She speaks fluent Brazilian Portuguese as well as several native languages that I'm sure they won't be able to test her on...I calculate she'll probably be done with her Sophomore year by May. <g>

When you have time, give me a call, we're listed under both my name and Meade's. I understand not wanting to give out your number in an e-mail, and Meade can't find your cell number.


PS: Wills is adorable and Mulder is pretty adorable himself. Nice ass! <veg >

PPS: I'll leave it to Billy to upset Mulder about the Knicks. I'm crying in my beer myself.



Author's notes: That's all there is to that.

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