Title: Choosing to Confess
Author: scullystar
Written: April 2002
Rated: NC-17- if you're underage or can't bear the thought of Scully and Doggett together- TURN BACK NOW!
Spoilers: Slight seasons 7-8-9
Disclaimer: I don't own a single one of these characters, but if I did and some fabulous fan decided to write a harmless fan-fic about them, I wouldn't be mad at all...not one bit...

Summary: Scully/Doggett Romance- Doggett decides to confront his feelings for Scully by telling her exactly how he feels, even when he knows Reyes has the same feelings for HIM. Lots of angst and UST then RST.

Author's Note: I consider myself to be a strict Shipper, but the question was presented the other day as to how I would have reacted if Doggett and Scully had ever been placed in a romantic situation, and spawned the idea for a story topic I would have otherwise never even considered writing about. It's a bit...um...naughty, but I figured if I was going to write a Scully/Doggett romance fic, I might as well go all out! Hope it's entertaining :-)

Monday 7:03 a.m.
Residence of Dana Scully

Scully was surprised to find Agent John Doggett outside her apartment complex waiting for her. They were suppose to meet a little ways down the street at this little coffee shop then head to work. Scully, Doggett and Reyes were working on a case together involving a series of murders too close for comfort in D.C. and Scully was a little curious as to why Monica Reyes wasn't with Doggett as well.

They were supposed to be discussing the case, and some failed attempts by persons unknown to thwart their investigation already had made them decide to meet somewhere outside the office to go over some of their more recent findings and witness statements.

"Agent Doggett , I expected to meet you at the café, not outside my house."

Doggett scratched the back of his neck and shrugged. "I was gettin' antsy."

Scully smirked at him and motioned for them to head down to the café. "Where's agent Reyes this morning?" Scully questioned.

Doggett continued to look straight ahead and answered with a quick, "She's at the office."

"Has something been turned up? Did she get a new lead?"

"Uh, no...she wanted to finish somethin' up I guess. She knows what's goin' on anyway. Actually... I was wonderin' if we could go somewhere to talk...not the café though. Someplace not so...public."

Scully looked at Doggett for a moment considering him. There was something nervous about him today. Like he needed to get something off his chest and was itching to do so.

Scully stopped walking and tilted her head back in the direction of her apartment building.

"We can talk back at my place. My mom already left with William."

Doggett looked relieved at the offer. "Thanks."

Doggett watched Scully walk ahead of him into the elevator and took in a breath and let it out slowly.

What was he doing?

What did he think he was playing at here?

What he was about to do could make or break him, and he supposed he had to do it sooner or later before it got the better of him.

Doggett had been torn as to whether or no to even mention anything to Scully and Reyes, and he supposed it would be easier to talk to Scully about it first considering he and Reyes had a...past.

He knew Monica from years ago. They had been intimate at one point but his career and her new job had driven them apart. When Reyes had been thrust back into his life, he felt confused about the feelings he was having about her...especially since the feelings he already had for Scully had been something he thought he was just getting control over.

The fact that he knew Monica still felt that way about him made it even worse. He still cared about her. As a friend and someone he had been very close with. But he had been falling in love with Dana Scully since the first time he had laid eyes on her. He thought it had just been the need to make sure she stayed safe and to help her find Mulder. Then he justified the feelings by saying he just wanted to protect her and her new baby from harm. But long sleepless nights had forced a silent confession out of him and he had come to terms with this feeling inside himself. Something he hadn't felt in a long time, and was threatening to overwhelm him. It had helped when Scully went away on maternity leave and he and Reyes had been made partners on the X-Files.

Or so he thought.

It had become very apparent that Monica still cared deeply for him

It was too apparent that he would never stop feeling this way toward Scully unless he got it off his chest and she either accepted him or shot him down. He figured it would be easier to get shot down. He wouldn't have to think about it anymore. He would know how she felt and he could get on with his life without wondering if the two of them could ever have something more...but what if she accepted him and what he had to say? He would be happier than he had ever been...but that couldn't happen...not when she was obviously still in love with Mulder, still trying to hold onto him and his memory for her baby's sake.

They reached her apartment and he remained silent as he followed her into her dimly lit living room. Scully removed her coat and sat down on the couch, turning the lamp on the end table on for extra light. He wished she had left it off so she wouldn't be able to see his face while he did what he was about to do.

John sat on the couch not too close to her but close enough that he could smell her perfume. He studied the way the lamplight made her red hair glow, and her blue eyes sparkle.

"John? You wanted to talk about something?"

Doggett snapped back and met her eyes.

"Sorry 'bout that...yeah...I do want to talk to you about somethin'."

Scully leaned in a bit waiting for him to go on.

"OK, I need to say all this and I'm just gonna to say it all at once, so bear with me."

When Scully nodded her understanding he took a deep breath, praying this would all come out the way he wanted it to.

" Dana...I've been a cop for a lot' a years. I was a cop before I joined the FBI and I'll always be a cop at heart. I love workin' on the X-Files with you and Monica...I'd worked with Monica before this though...I think that has a lot to do with this too, but I'll get to that in a minute. I've been married before, Dana. I had a little boy. He was kidnapped and murdered. I think that had a lot to do with me joinin' the FBI in the first place. I figured I couldn't do nearly as much to find my son's murderers workin' for NYPD as I could here at the FBI. Then I got assigned to be your partner...to help you find Mulder. I had to gain your trust and you did trust me. I wanted to help you find Mulder and I did everything I could. I wanted to protect you too though. And after William was born, I needed to protect the both of you. And Monica...She and I have a past together Dana. I don't know if you're aware of that or not. Maybe you just picked up on it. Maybe she told you herself. I don't know..."

"John...if you feel that you can't remain partners with Monica because of a past the two of you might share..."

John shook his head. "No, you're not getting' the whole story yet."

Scully nodded and he went on.

"Monica and I were together for a while, but our jobs took us in two different directions. Somehow we both ended up in the same place in the end, on the X-Files. Dana-I know she still has feelin's for me. I can tell. I don't know how to bring it up or what I would tell her even if I wanted to bring it up..."

Scully nodded in what she thought was understanding. "You feel like you can't continue on the X-Files because you are in love with agent Reyes?"

John Doggett shook his head again, frustrated.

"No, Dana, I feel awful because I know she still cares about me and I'm in love with YOU."

Scully was silent for quite a long time. Doggett looked at her hoping to gage her reaction by the expression on her face, but she was as enigmatic as ever, and refused to give him anything to go by.

Scully went over the conversation quickly in her head, wondering how this had all happened and how it had never became apparent to her before. Surely if John had feelings for her all this time she would have known. Then again...thinking back to a few of years ago, she and Mulder had been able to hide their feelings for each other quite well.

For quite a long time, the two of them had gone on pretending there was nothing between them. She knew how John felt. If what he was telling her was true, she gave him credit for having the courage to tell her all this.

She wasn't blind of course. There was no question in her mind that she found Doggett attractive, and she wondered why he wasn't with someone already. But she guessed she knew the reason now. Because of her. She was very sure she had never given him any reason to think she wanted anything more than a friendship and a professional partnership with him.

Mulder was her baby's father, and she loved him. She had lost him again, sent him away. She had told him to leave for all their sakes, and the only contact they had was through e-mail. It had killed her to make that decision but they both knew it was for the best.

Mulder has gone, taking the life they had wanted together with him. The family had been torn apart, and it was Scully who had told him to leave, it was never Mulder's decision. She cursed the choice she had made everyday. Every time she looked into William's eyes she regretted the decisions she had made and the fact that William might never know his father.

Scully couldn't allow herself to get involved with another man. No matter how lonely she had become and no matter the attraction between them. Scully couldn't accept Doggett 's confession like he knew he wanted her to.

"John...I don't know-what you expected me to say..." Scully tried to gather her thoughts. It seemed thinking that you can't allow yourself to be with someone and actually telling them were extremely opposite tasks.

"I just wanted to tell you, Dana. I wanted to get this out in the open before it drove me up a wall. I never expected you to accept my feelin's for you. I need to talk to Monica about this too...I guess in some way I had hoped you would be happy, but I know...you and Mulder...I think I should go."

Scully reached out and put a hand on his arm. Doggett sat back down and looked intently at her, not sure of what was coming next.

"Agent Doggett ...you are a very good man. But I can't love you back. The father of my baby is out there somewhere..."

"And I'm here, agent Scully. I'm here with you now, and where's Mulder? Do you even have any idea? You sent him away, and he left. I don't know what you said to him, but if it had been me, it wouldn't have mattered what you told me, I wouldn't have left the woman I love and our son alone and in possible danger!"

Scully was silent again, tears forming in her eyes.

Doggett was so angry at this moment. How could anyone up and leave their family like Mulder had done? It seemed insane that Scully was holding on to something she and Mulder had once had when he couldn't even be there to share it with her and their child. Doggett shook his head and stood up, distancing himself from Scully. He was fuming. He understood her to some degree, but CHRIST!

She was crying.

"Dana, look...I didn't come here expectin' you to throw yourself into my arms. I came here to find out if there was anything to my lovin' you so much. I can't help it, it's how I feel, and I'm sorry that I don't understand how you can allow yourself to be lonely when you know there's someone who wants to be with you." Doggett kneeled down in front of her and placed his hands over hers.

"I've never been good at this stuff, ya know...I was surprised I had the nerve to ask my wife out on our first date never mind to marry me...but that was a long time ago, Dana. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time. I just want to be there for you...I know I sound like I'm tryin' to convince you to be with me, but that's not it. I just want you to understand where I'm coming from."

Scully looked up at him and shook her head. "John...you make me want to believe you."

"What?" Doggett cocked his head to the side waiting for her reply.

"When I told Mulder to go away...I convinced him that it was the right thing. I was hoping it would be the easy thing. I loved Mulder so much, John. I had been in love with him for so long, and when we finally were able to be together, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I thought that nothing could stop us from being happy from now on...but after William was born, after everything that had happened-we both knew that he had to leave. I didn't want to be on the run for the rest of our lives. I knew that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to have for my child or for myself. So I convinced Mulder that him leaving was the only solution. It killed me. I had never wanted anything more than to be with Mulder and be a family, have a normal life. I knew that would never be possible though. Mulder knew it too. That's why he allowed me to convince him to leave without me and without William. He wanted to protect us and he knew he had to go away to do so."

"Dana...I had no idea."

"I wouldn't have expected you to know...I never told anyone. Not even my mother. She really liked Mulder. She was so happy when I told her about the baby...then when he had to go away...she was almost as upset about it as I was I think."


"Which brings me back to us and our situation."

"Which is what?" Doggett asked quietly.

Scully squeezed Doggett 's hand and looked him in the eye. He seemed to be expecting the worst. "MY situation right now is that I'm not ready to be with anyone again. Not yet. I hope you understand why."

"Of course I do, Dana. Like I said before, I didn't come here expectin' us to run off together...I needed to tell you what was goin' on. And I only hoped that you wouldn't throw me out. That was my highest expectation."

Scully smiled at him, holding his gaze for longer than she had meant to. His eyes were studying her face and there was so much emotion swirling around in them.

"God, you're beautiful," John blurted out. He felt his face go red and looked at the floor.

Scully felt herself blush at his compliment. What was she going to do? She never expected this to happen. She never thought about John in that way. However...something had happened since he had first confessed his feelings to her. He was right. She was lonely. And she didn't want to have to be alone anymore. She hadn't heard from Mulder in almost three months. And she was attracted to John Doggett . He had come in to the X-Files to take Mulder's place and she had hated him for it at first. Then he proved himself to be a wonderful agent and someone she knew she could trust. But she was still in love with Mulder then.

She had vowed not to let herself get involved with anyone else after she had sent Mulder away. She had believed that Mulder would return one day and take her and William away from this madness to be happy somewhere safe. But weeks turned into months and hope was fading fast. She hadn't heard from him in so long...she feared the worst and had started to come to terms with the fact that she might never see Fox Mulder again.

And now this.

"Thank you..." Scully said softly. She didn't know what else to say, but wanted to make sure John knew that she wasn't upset at him for this.

"I don't want to upset you...but I don't want to leave either," John said quietly, taking her hands in his and looking at her face, searching for understanding and acceptance.

"You haven't upset me. I understand your concerns and the questions you had about Mulder and why he left. I can see how it is hard to understand his actions, but he did it for me, as much as he didn't want to...he knew it's what I wanted. I haven't heard from him in months. I think he might not be coming home again."


"It's OK. I know I have to be OK with it. It's a risk we knew we'd have to take when he left. We both knew he might not come home again. I prayed for him a lot at first. He told me once that he didn't understand how I could believe in that...in going to church and following the Catholic religion but never believe that there could be alien life or ghosts or monsters. I always thought I needed to believe in something. Maybe I always wanted to believe him. I think I might have if I wasn't a scientist...I need things to have an explanation. Ironic, isn't it? When you look at how I've spent nearly a decade of my life...hunting down aliens and mutants and trying to uncover government conspiracies. I'm tired of it John. I just want a simple life and to be safe. I want to know my life and the life of my child won't be hanging in the balance because of Mulder's crusade. Sometimes I think he was a selfish man. Dragging me into this, dragging our son into it...but I could have left any time I wanted to. I chose not to because I loved him too much. And look what I have to show for it."

"You have a beautiful son, Dana. That can't be a mistake, can it? It's what you wanted."

Doggett searched her face again, but found only remorse. He never knew so much doubt and pain and anger could be encased in such a small beautiful woman. He wanted to wash all that pain away.

"William is not a mistake. But sometimes I think letting myself love Mulder was the biggest mistake I ever made."

Doggett reached out to her and took her into his arms. "Come here," he whispered and felt her arm wrap around his back.

Scully closed her eyes and let herself be held. Doggett was strong and gentle with her in his arms. She breathed him in and relaxed. He wouldn't hurt her. He wouldn't leave her when she needed him. She never realized. She hardly saw him much unless she was helping him on a case.

Scully moved back to look at him. "John..."

Doggett shook his head. He knew that she was worried that she had said too much, revealed to him more that she had ever wanted.

"I won't tell anyone what you told me, and I would never use any of it against you or whatever you might be thinking. It's OK that you told me those things."

She looked at him, relieved. "Thank you, agent Doggett ."

He reached up and brushed a stray strand of red hair away from her cheek, and ran his fingers over her soft skin.

Scully closed her eyes, reveling in the contact for a moment.

"You really are beautiful, Dana, you know that?"

Scully wanted to look away but couldn't hide her soft smile from him. Then it occurred to her that he had told her earlier that he didn't want to leave. She met his gaze.

"What is it you want, John?"

"Right now? Right now, I want to kiss you," John said, determined, and leaned toward her slowly.

Scully remained still, her eyes never leaving his until she felt his lips brush softly over hers. Her eyes closed automatically, and she couldn't help leaning into his kiss, shivering as she felt him trace her lower lip with his tongue.

His mouth was demanding, wanting her to give back as much as she got. She felt herself melting into him and pulled him over her on the couch so he was lying on top of her, holding her face in his hands.

Scully ran her hands over John's chest, pulling at the tie around his neck, trying to loosen it.

John growled deep in the back of his throat feeling her hands all over him like that. It was too much to bear through so many clothes.

"I want-Ah...I want to make love to you, Dana. Let me," Doggett managed out between gasps and trying to undo the buttons on her slacks.

Scully nodded her permission, and Doggett reluctantly pulled himself away and stood up. He watched a very sexy Dana Scully lead him to her bedroom by the hand, and found himself being pushed onto the bed.

Scully make quick work of his buttons and zippers and ties. He supposed it was because she was a doctor; they should have fast and able hands. He found himself stripped down to his boxer-briefs in no time flat and did nothing to hide his raging hard-on. He stood up and helped Scully remove her clothes. Her suit joined the pile of his clothes and she moved back against Doggett , wanting to be kissed.

John kissed his way down her throat and between her full breasts. One hand went up to knead her mound of flesh and his lips caught and teased her other nipple through her white satin bra.

Scully gasped at the cruel pleasure. She wanted her clothes off and the teasing to end. She wanted him inside her.

She reached behind her back and undid her bra, letting it fall down her arms and to the floor. John gently played with her nipples, enjoying the weight and the feel of her perfect breasts in his hands. He loved the noises she made when he leaned down and suckled her nipple into his hot mouth.

Doggett was overwhelmed by the effect Dana was having on him. He loved her and wanted her so badly. He wanted to make her come over and over again. He wanted to hear his name come out like a growl in the back of her throat as he pushed himself inside her hot inviting body.

He maneuvered them back to the bed and moved over her. He pulled her panties off and Scully spread her legs to allow him to settle down between them, and it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. He felt his cock twitch at the sight of her so beautiful and open right before him.

John moved down Scully's body, biting and nipping her flesh. She moaned above him as he slid two fingers into her slick opening and wrapped his lips around her swollen clit.

Scully reached down to put her hands on his head, urging him on. He was making her feel so good. It had been too long. She needed release.

"John..." Scully moaned. His mouth all over her, his fingers deep inside her body-he was going to make her come and she wanted him to be in her when that happened. She stopped him and he reluctantly obliged, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You taste so good, Dana. Why did you make me stop?"

"I want to come with you in me. Is that OK?"

Doggett smiled at her, wanting her now more than ever.

John moved down between her open thighs and ran the head of his cock back and forth across her wet opening. Scully whimpered in protest to his teasing, and wrapped a hand around his hard length, pulling just the head into her body. He groaned, feeling how wet she was. Dana wrapped her legs around him and pulled him into her, thrusting her hips up to meet his.

John Doggett saw stars.

He had never imagined it would be so good. Dana was beautiful lying there beneath him, her legs wrapped around him, groaning out from pleasure he was giving her. He thrust into her hard, not being able to control himself anymore, and he gasped out as she met him thrust for blessed thrust.

"Ah...Dana...you keep that up and I won't be able to last much longer!"

Scully didn't stop. She didn't answer him either. She was so close...right on the edge. She moved with him, holding onto him, enveloping him in a tangle of arms and legs.

She felt him speed up; she knew he was close. She dug her nails into his back and cried out as her orgasm washed over her.

A moment later John Doggett was coming inside her, telling her he loved her, holding onto her so tight.

He looked down at her and smiled. Scully smiled back and closed her eyes and he slid himself out of her.

John rolled onto his back and breathed out. He moved over to Scully and pulled her into a hug.

"How you doin'?" he asked softly.

"I'm good...we're awfully late for work."

Doggett chuckled. "Yeah, we are. Is that a problem for you this morning, agent Scully?"

Scully closed her eyes and hugged him around his stomach. "Not this morning, agent Doggett ."

Scully moved out of John's embrace and lead him into her bathroom to take a shower.

John came up behind her as she was turning the water on and she felt his cock pressing between her thighs. She braced herself against the tub and grunted as he slid himself into her from behind. She was still so wet from before, and he felt so good. He thrust slowly this time, grabbing her hips in his big hands, pulling her back onto him. Scully called out his name as he reached around and found her still swollen clit, rubbing it until she came. He thrust in and out of her slowly until he came again, and they stood there for a minute, their ragged breathing the only sound in the apartment.

"My God, Dana..." he sighed into her ear.

"We'll never leave the house at this rate," she chuckled.

"You don't hear me complaining."

Tuesday 8:54 p.m.
Home of John Doggett

John collapsed onto his bed and closed his eyes. He was exhausted. Thinking back to the day before, the incredible morning he and Scully had shared, he was wondering why she wasn't at his place right now. He tucked a pillow under his head and relaxed. She was home with her son tonight, where she needed to be. The past few days hadn't allowed her much time to spend with William, so she had actually gone home early that day.

He smiled at the thought of her and the baby. Maybe someday they could go out together, all three of them. To the beach or even just a walk. He wanted to spend time with them both.

The phone rang and John jumped off the bed to answer it.

"John Doggett ."

"Hello, agent Doggett."

It was Scully.

"Dana? What's goin' on?"

"I wanted to know if you would like to come over for dinner tonight? I put William to bed already. I thought it might be nice. Unless you've already eaten." She sounded unsure.

"No, I haven't eaten already. Actually I'm starved. I'd love to come over."

"Good...good. I'll see you in a bit then?"

"You know it."


"Yeah, Dana?"

"Hurry over."

John Doggett hung up the phone and smiled.

"As fast as I can..."

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