Title: All Of Her
Author: Becka F. Written: April 2001
Classification: V
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Three Words
Keywords: Mulder POV
Disclaimer: They are only mine in my dreams. In reality, they belong to each other.

Summary: No one could have prepared me for what I was about to see.


Okay, that's it. I can't take this anymore.

I turn the corner sharply and hear my tires squeal in protest. I wince, but don't let up on the gas.

As I speed down the all-too-familiar road, my fingers tap nervously on the wheel. A flash of lightning in the distance signals the beginning of a storm. As if on cue, a couple raindrops land on my windshield.

I make no move to wipe them away.

I've gone over and over it in my head a dozen times, and it still doesn't make sense. But it will make sense. Soon.

As I numbly accelerate down the street, my mind drifts back to the night in the hospital.

The night I saw her again.

I had to blink twice when I opened my eyes for the first time and found Scully gazing down at me. It was surreal.

I thought the drugs the doctors gave me were once again playing with my mind. God knows that's happened more times than I care to remember.

We laid there together in my hospital bed for what seemed like an eternity. I'm sure she thought that I had dozed off, since we were there for so long. With her head on my chest and her fingers delicately stroking my forehead, I closed my eyes, but didn't sleep. When I felt her slowly raise her head sometime later, I didn't open my eyes. I figured she was just shifting positions.

But when I realized she was getting up, my heart sank. I didn't try and stop her, though. I knew she was exhausted.

I opened one eye and saw her seemingly large silhouette reach for her jacket. I opened my other eye, trying to focus.

I always knew that when I saw her again after this ordeal it would be a big shock. And I was prepared for it. At least I thought I was.

But no one could have prepared me for what I was about to see.

What I was about to see when I saw all of her.

It was Scully all right. But not the Scully I remembered.

She was pregnant.

Scully was pregnant.

I almost gasped out loud when I realized what I was looking at.

But I had no time to think about it.

She whirled around and I could feel her at my bedside, staring down at me. I tried my hardest to look asleep, and I think for once, she bought it.

She kissed my forehead and whispered "goodnight" before she left my room.

I didn't sleep that night. I don't know why. But I was furious.

I wasn't sure why I was so angry. I guess I was just angry for the injustice of it all. I was confused, and I was already having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I was actually lying in that hospital bed. Living and breathing. And now, having to process the fact that Scully was pregnant was just too much for me.

So I became reclusive. I became angry at the world.

Worst of all, I became angry at Scully.

I felt that I had every right to be angry, and looking back, I still do. But that was no excuse for me to treat my partner the way I did.

Every chance I got, I snapped at her. I became distanced from her. I couldn't even hide my disdain when she poured out her heart to me about what life was like while I was gone.

Her painful "Mulder..." didn't even break me down. I didn't want to hear it.

So we carried on in professional silence. Even with Scully's enormous frame staring me right in the face, I continued to ignore the obvious. She did the same.

Langly's comment didn't even seem to sway her.

Well it sure as hell swayed me.

I know I'm not completely blameless, but why the hell can't she just tell me? Is she waiting for me to ask? I know I've been avoiding it like the plague, but Christ, I've been gone for six months. The least she can do is update me a little.

Even if it's something I don't want to hear.

Maybe her silence means just that.

God, no.

A clap of thunder sounds as I shift into park outside Scully's apartment complex.

Either way, I'm about to find out.


I clutch my mug of hot chocolate as yet another clap of thunder erupts outside. I shiver, surprised at how damn cold it is for this time of year.

The baby kicks, obviously shaken by the loud sounds coming from the outside world, and I soothe it with the touch of my hand. As if in a trance, I trace my swollen stomach with my fingers.

Funny how the natural world so often mimics the real world.

I can't help but frown as I recollect the events of the past few days. What a storm it has been.

Not that it hasn't been a blessing in the least. Having Mulder back is too incredible for words. I've experienced more miracles in the past six months than most people do in a lifetime. I'm not about to complain about that.

But he's angry.

I know he's angry by the way he looks at me, and the way he always avoids looking into my eyes when he talks to me.

He's professional, I'll give him that much.

I can understand why he's like this. I'm not going to even try to understand what it must be like for him to deal with what he's had to deal with. He has his reasons for lashing out. But why at me?

Okay, I admit, I haven't been the most forthcoming when it comes to explanations.

But I just don't understand why he hasn't asked me about the pregnancy. It's just so painfully obvious now.

I guess it isn't so obvious how I got this way.

How can he not know? How can he possibly think there is any other way I could have become pregnant? He knows, and thank God, the invitro didn't work. So there was only one other way it could have happened. He was there. He should know.

Noticing that I'm out of hot chocolate, I slowly rise to my feet and groan. Standing up is becomming harder and harder to do.

I shuffle into the kitchen to look for anything else. Anything. These cravings are so strange.

As I reach for the refrigerator door, a loud knock stops me.

I jump slightly, and my heart pounding, I tiptoe (as much as I possibly can at this stage of the game) towards the door.

I don't have to peer into the peephole. I could tell that knock from anywhere.

I open the door to reveal a drenched Mulder, sheepishly grinning at me from under his sopping wet hair, which is clinging to his forehead.

His grin immediately fades as I feel my cheeks redden.

"I didn't disturb you, did I?"

"No, Mulder. You're soaked. Get in here."

He takes my offer and stalks into my apartment. I rush to grab him a towel and he takes it thankfully.

"What's up?" I ask as nonchalantly as I can.

"I was in the neighbourhood..." he answers, typically avoiding my eyes.

He runs the towel quickly over his head, causing his hair to spike out in every possible direction.

When I raise my eyebrow in response, he once again grins and shakes his head.

"Actually, I came over to give you something Scully."

I try not to look surprised. That was unexpected.

"Oh?" I say coolly, as I make my way over to the couch. Two can play at the disdain game.

Thankfully, he follows me.

He sits down across from me, leaning forward, his hands clasped, and his elbows arched intently on his knees.

"Listen, I'm not really good at these apology things, but I know I've been acting like a real ass lately, and I'm sorry..."

He trails off, causing me to sit up straight. He's caught my attention.

Forgetting my plan to be as aloof as he has been, I reassuringly place one hand on his.

He wraps his fingers around mine, and continues.

"This is hard for me. And I know it's hard for you. Hell, it's hard for us. So I'm doing this the only way I know how."

Before I can process what he has said, he pulls out a tiny box from his shirt pocket and offers it up for my inspection.

As if in slow motion, I gently take it from his hand and put it in mine.

Even before I open it, I feel my eyes well up with tears.

Inside I find a solitary gold charm. On closer inspection, an inscription embedded on the charm reads, "Our little miracle".

A solitary tear rolls down my cheek as I reach out and touch Mulder's face.

The sensation is too much. It's been too long since I've touched him.

"Thank you," is all I can whisper.

His face tells me he has gotten the answer he needed.

Our little miracle.

To say it is surely to believe it. It doesn't get any better than this.

Fin.


End note: This is my first attempt at writing a two-parter. I thought I had to get both Mulder's and Scully's views across from this episode, since it wasn't really uh...done for us.

 

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